The Ultimate Betrayal - Cassie’s Journal By Lady Rae It has been a difficult day, more difficult than most. It’s a day that I never thought would come even though I think I knew it would someday somewhere in the back of my mind. I have been too well trained not to realize the truth about people and human nature. Ingrained behaviors that never change, no matter how hard someone tries to do so, remain ever present in a person. It’s just that deep down I wanted to believe that people could change. And not all people. Just one. Starbuck. I saw the signs. I saw and heard the indications that there were problems in our relationship. I just ignored them, hoping that they would right themselves by themselves. Oh, I knew better. I knew that they would not right themselves, but communication between him and I at times was difficult. He hates dealing with problems. He hates dealing with emotions. Trying to talk to him was harder than talking to a battlestar bulkhead and just as productive. But today I found out that the man I love has been unfaithful. There I got it out. I said it. But it does not make the hurt any less painful. It does not heal the pain. Where did I go wrong? Was I not paying enough attention to him? Did I miss something that would have told me when the trouble started? Did I fail him and myself totally? Oh, I knew something was wrong. For sagan’s sake, how could I not know! I thought that maybe Starbuck just needed space and time. He’s a loner, he’s been dealt a hard hand in life and did not believe in love and happily ever after, but I thought I could work around his distrust and his disbelief in love. Against my better judgment, I fell in love with a man that has more emotional baggage than most wealthy Siresses take on an excursion. He told me he had changed. That he would not do that to me. That he loved me, wanted to be with me alone and stupidly, I believed him. I thought I heard sincerity in his voice and saw truth in his eyes. Those expressive eyes. When we first started our relationship, I did not trust him. He had a reputation that preceded him. It didn’t help that he was also almost engaged to the Commander’s daughter, but he was charming in a roguish sort of way. I knew what he was when I saw him, but he was fun to be with and he filled a gap in my life that I did not know if I would make it through alone. Our homes were gone, destroyed by betrayal. Everything that we had been taught to believe in let our people down. And in a multi-cultural ship full of people from different colonies and backgrounds, I was a pariah, a socialator in a fleet where that sort of thing was not going to be tolerated as it was on Gemini. I was lucky that the people that I had the misfortune of being in the company of did not stone me or cast me into an airlock to be jettisoned into space. If it had not been for three special people, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I understood the people’s feelings towards me and my profession, but it was an honorable profession on Gemini. Now with all the different people, different cultures and different beliefs of 12 colonies, 12 separate worlds being thrown on 220 ships to run and escape death, I was not sure what would become of me. They saved me. Apollo reached out his hand and helped me escape while Starbuck and Boomer protected their captain. I could not blame the people that I left behind for their feelings, but they had to realize that I was not space garbage, that I also was a human being that wanted to live life, to survive. Starbuck was the one that took my information as I was taken to the Life Center on the Galactica. What did I fall in love with? His eyes. He had the most expressive eyes and his kindness towards me. His gentle nature even though he was a warrior. Reflecting back to that time, Apollo was more my type. More like the type of man that I had been attracted to in the past, but there was something about Starbuck that I could not resist, but I knew his type. The type that believed in keeping his freedom and wearing it like armor, the type that was footloose and fancy free. I knew what I was getting into but I seemed to not be able to help myself. I fell for a warrior. And now it is my downfall. How did I find out about this indiscretion? I had not seen Starbuck in a while, about a sectar all total. I was kept very busy by my position in the life center. So many people to treat and not enough staff to handle them all. I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t. Finally, I got to be with Starbuck at a gathering of friends on the Rising Star. I had been over there to get away from the stress I had been under recently, and I promised Sheba that I would meet her, Apollo and Boomer over there. Dr. Salik had generously given me a three-day leave, which he urged me to take. Sheba had told me about a small party that was being held that evening and assured me that Starbuck would not be there. That he had other duties to attend to. Well, she was wrong. He was there. As I spoke to Sheba after my arrival, Starbuck came over and started teasing me about long time no see. I could have said the same, but I kept my retorts to myself. He had me sit beside him at the table that the group had gathered around. We all laughed and joked freely and with a carefree attitude. Starbuck made sure that he was close to my side as though we were still the couple that we had been almost six sectars previously. I had a flicker of hope that maybe we would be able to work out our problems and be together again. He would leave my side to go off and converse with Apollo or Boomer or other people that he knew around the entertainment area. I noticed two sisters that I knew that were sitting at the table beside Starbuck, Apollo and Boomer but I paid them no mind as I continued to talk to Sheba and Dietra. It was a wonderful three-day leave. I felt loved and secure with Starbuck’s presence. Our lovemaking during the evening hours was as though we were rediscovering each other, falling in love with each other all over again. He was attentive, protective, but I thought there was something wrong. I pushed that to the back of my mind. I knew that he needed his freedom and did not push anything with him. My mistake was going out to dinner with a friend tonight. I had not seen Moira for a long time and felt that we needed an evening out together. Dinner was wonderful and I had a great time in her company. We laughed and talked about our respective men. She was happy for me that I was with Starbuck again besides being happy that the long silence between him and I was over. As we were leaving, I noticed another friend that I had not seen in several sectons, so I stopped to speak to her. Angelika was a good person and an honest one, even though at times she was brutally honest. She asked about Starbuck and I told her that we had spent a three-day leave together. I had not seen or heard from him in about four days, but that did not bother me. He had duties to attend to just as I have. A strange look came across my friend’s face and she told me in her blunt, forward way that she had something that she thought I should know. She had heard from someone that Starbuck was having an affair. Angelika couldn’t believe her ears when she was told that piece of information, and she voiced that to the person that she was conversing with. The person told her that I did not know. It was suppose to be a secret. My heart fell to my feet, but I tried to think that maybe Starbuck had been seen with Sheba or Dietra and people misinterpreted his actions. Angelika agreed with my logic and said that had to be it. There was no other explanation. As Angelika left, I spotted another friend working as a server. Myra was someone that I did not fully trust but no matter what went on, she seemed to know about it. So I casually went to ask her about the rumor. It bothered me and found I could not help myself. Normally, I did not believe rumors, but found over the course of my life that most rumors has some thread of truth in them somewhere. To my surprise, Myra looked like a cornered rabbit when I asked her if she had heard anything about Starbuck having an affair. She just kept telling me to ask Starbuck, that she couldn’t say. It was not her place. My heart sank at her words and her reaction. It was my worst fears come to life. What was happening? All I could hear was my mind asking ‘Who? Who was she?’ and I prayed that I didn’t know the person. I asked her again what she had heard and who the possible lady in question was. A voice piped up behind Myra and said, “It’s me, Cassiopeia. I’m the woman that Starbuck has been seeing.” I felt my world shatter around me. I could not believe what I was hearing. The woman admitting to an affair with the man I loved was none other than Myra’s sister, Carolyna. I almost fell over with shock and she continued almost smugly to my dismay. Proud of what she had done. “It’s me. Starbuck and I have been having an affair for a while now. He was supposed to go with me to the New Yahren celebration. Not you. He thought I chose a night with another friend over a night with him, but he was wrong. I slept with him, made love to him, then left him in the early hours of the morning. It’s a night that I don’t regret at all. I will remember it always.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I wanted to run out of that room screaming and crying but my voice remained silent and the tears would not come. Myra kept saying over and over again that Starbuck was telling people that we were not together. That he has been flirting with other women even when she reminded him of me. All I could see was that Myra was Carolyna’s sister and that they were close beside the fact that they defended each other venomously no matter what. Her voice filled with dislike, sounding almost like jealousy as she continued. “I told him that if he ever saw you again, that what was happening between us was over. I told him to stay away from you if he wanted me, but I saw you two together just seven days ago. I told him not to ever see you again, but he did. I saw you together twice, so it’s over between him and I.” She paused for only a minute, brushing back her short brown curls back from her plain round face. Then looked at me again. I could almost swear I saw hatred in her eyes directed at me, but she continued on, uncaring. “He’s been avoiding me for the past four days because he knows that I’m mad at him. That I saw the two of you together, but I knew that he did not want to be with you that night. He wanted to be with me. Couldn’t you tell that, Cassiopeia? That’s why he kept moving around the entertainment area. Sitting beside us because he did not want to be near you. He wanted to be with me.” I looked at her in disbelief. The pain that I was feeling had to show clearly on my face. I tried to defend myself, to make sense of everything she was saying to me, but my voice sounded weak even to my own ears. “Starbuck is very sociable. He was wandering all over the entertainment area. He sat with Apollo and Boomer and was talking to them.” “He wanted to get away from you! He has said nothing nice about you, Cassiopeia! I don’t know why you don’t stay away from him. It’s me he wants!” She paused for a moment. “Even Apollo and Sheba don’t speak highly of you. They like me. We all went out together and had a wonderful time, so we plan to do it again soon.” I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Apollo and Sheba? This did not make any sense to me! All her words ran around inside my head, jumbling together, making logical coherent thought almost impossible. “Apollo pulled me aside and told me that he did not know what was going on between you and Starbuck and he also did not know what was going on between me and Starbuck, but it was up to Starbuck.” Alarms rang in my head with those words. Apollo? Apollo would never just come out and say something like that to anyone. He carefully stayed clear of other people’s lives and did not get involved in them. Didn’t go around speaking about others either. Alarms were ringing like klaxons. Was this all an elaborate lie??? “But I’m through with Starbuck. You can have him. I’ll still be friends with him, but I will never be with him in a relationship again. But I will never forget that night. We had one night together. We would have had another seven days ago, but you had to follow Starbuck and not leave him alone.” Carolyna stood up. “He’s yours.” Myra’s voice cut cross the powerful silence. “He’s been playing the two of you against each other. I don’t know how you can put up with that kind of behavior, Cassie. He has been after Carolyna since Candlemass.” I looked at both women; suspicions starting to pick at my mind about how truthful these women were being with me. I knew what I needed to do next. “I’m going to go have a talk with Sheba and Apollo. And then I plan to confront Starbuck with what you have told me.” I said clearly, my voice sounding stronger than I was feeling. “Don’t tell them that you heard any of this from us.” Carolyna said, with Myra following behind her with, “No, don’t. Tell them you heard the rumor around the entertainment area. Don’t bring us into it.” More alarm bells rang in my mind. I had to get out of there though before I totally lost control of my senses and embarrassed myself with an outburst of emotion. I felt my control slipping badly and knew I had to make my exit. So I did. I ran to the sanctuary of my quarters and this is where I have been for a while now, sorting out my thoughts, playing out the scenario again and again in my mind. I need to go see Apollo and Sheba. I need to confront them on what was said to me. I need to do this. I need to find out what they know, the truth. Then confront Starbuck. And right now is as good a time as any.