__________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be g back to the Galactica and get mushies! Second voice: This is Child # 98. Forget the Galactica! Let's go to the Bakership! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 2 Scene: Still on the shuttle returning from the Galactica physicals, Jolly and Cassie are faced with a mutiny of crisis proportions – 150 of their adopted children have taken over the shuttle and declared their intent to divert to the Bakeryship. Child #6: We’re going to board the Bakeryship! Child #2: We’re going to invade the Bakeryship! Child #92: We’re going to plunder the Bakeryship! Child #39.5 (one of twins, you know): We’re going to loot the Bakeryship! Cassie: (exasperated) We get the point, kids! You want mushies, and you want them now! Child Chorus: We want mushies! Jolly: We’ve got to retake the bridge of the shuttle, or we’ll never get home before the others wake from their naps. Cassie: That would be a disaster. But how will we do it? Jol back to the Galactica and get mushies! Second voice: This is Child # 98. Forget the Galactica! Let's go to the Bakership! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 2 Scene: Still on the shuttle returning from the Galactica physicals, Jolly and Cassie are faced with a mutiny of crisis proportions – 150 of their adopted children have taken over the shuttle and declared their intent to divert to the Bakeryship. Child #6: We’re going to board the Bakeryship! Child #2: We’re going to invade the Bakeryship! Child #92: We’re going to plunder the Bakeryship! Child #39.5 (one of twins, you know): We’re going to loot the Bakeryship! Cassie: (exasperated) We get the point, kids! You want mushies, and you want them now! Child Chorus: We want mushies! Jolly: We’ve got to retake the bridge of the shuttle, or we’ll never get home before the others wake from their naps. Cassie: That would be a disaster. But how will we do it? Jol"Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 1 Scene: the shuttle home from the weekly trip to the Galactica Life Center. Cassie: (Irritated) Jolly, how could you forget not just one but sixteen of our little angels??? Jolly: (Hapless, trying to pull Child #42 out of the waste disposal chute) I told you we should have checked the list! Remember that next time -- never take more than 75 kids to the Galactica for check-ups at a time! Cassie: Apollo's never going to let us drop off the kids to play with Boxey again. Jolly: Especially since they dismantled Muffit and reassembled it into a Cylon multi-taskulating tecomponent -- with parts left over. Child Chorus: We want mushies! You promised us mushies if we didn't were good! Cassie: That was if you were good! Exchanging your numbered tunics so Dr. Salik gave Child #115 the same vaccination 13 times was not being good! Child Chorus: Awh, but we'll be good next time, we promise! We want mushies! Pilot: (Extremely agitated) Could someone please come and save my co-pilot? There are at least a dozen kids doing a maypole dance around her seat and she's trussed up like a Kobolian mummy! The parents exchange glances and sigh heavily. Jolly: I bet Bojay and Sheba refuse to fly our shuttle again. Cassie: So who's left? Jolly: Nobody. They were the last pilots left on the roster...and that was only if they got double hazard pay with overtime! Child Chorus: Mushies, mushies, mushies! (With a terrible scream, Bojay comes racing through the main compartment, heading straight for the drop tubes. Throwing himself in, he hits the "open" button from the inside, and spaces himself.) Jolly: Hmm. If Bojay just spaced himself, and Sheba's playing mummy with the kids, who's flying the shuttle? Voice over louspeaker: This is Child # 37, speaking for the Kiddie Liberation Front. We have taken control of this shuttle, and unless all our demands are met, we will really make trouble. We demand that we go "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 1 Scene: the shuttle home from the weekly trip to the Galactica Life Center. Cassie: (Irritated) Jolly, how could you forget not just one but sixteen of our little angels??? Jolly: (Hapless, trying to pull Child #42 out of the waste disposal chute) I told you we should have checked the list! Remember that next time -- never take more than 75 kids to the Galactica for check-ups at a time! Cassie: Apollo's never going to let us drop off the kids to play with Boxey again. Jolly: Especially since they dismantled Muffit and reassembled it into a Cylon multi-taskulating tecomponent -- with parts left over. Child Chorus: We want mushies! You promised us mushies if we didn't were good! Cassie: That was if you were good! Exchanging your numbered tunics so Dr. Salik gave Child #115 the same vaccination 13 times was not being good! Child Chorus: Awh, but we'll be good next time, we promise! We want mushies! Pilot: (Extremely agitatrowing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. ly: We’ll use their own weapons against them. Jolly wades into the pile of toys stacked at the back of the shuttle, and comes back with a squirming little boy, several toy lasers, and a helmet several sizes too small on his head. Jolly: (Tossing the boy and a toy laser to Cassie) Let’s go. Cassie: (Catching the laser, dropping the boy) Let’s go... Jolly and Cassie make their way through the maze of dolls, wagons, mini-daggits, little toy Vipers, little toy trains, kittens, mittens, gimmicky bits of plastic from the happy meals of McRising Star, smoking chemistry sets, and dress-up outfits, to the front of the shuttle. Jolly: (pointing toy laser at kids) Ah-hah! One of the children jumps up in his seat, and grabs the helmet off Jolly’s head. Under the helmet, is another. The child grabs that one. Underneath, is another. By the twenty-fifth helmet, the child is looking confused, and the cabin floor is starting to fill up with helmets. The children give up. Jolly: See? You caly: We’ll use their own weapons against them. Jolly wades into the pile of toys stacked at the back of the shuttle, and comes back with a squirming little boy, several toy lasers, and a helmet several sizes too small on his head. Jolly: (Tossing the boy and a toy laser to Cassie) Let’s go. Cassie: (Catching the laser, dropping the boy) Let’s go... Jolly and Cassie make their way through the maze of dolls, wagons, mini-daggits, little toy Vipers, little toy trains, kittens, mittens, gimmicky bits of plastic from the happy meals of McRising Star, smoking chemistry sets, and dress-up outfits, to the front of the shuttle. Jolly: (pointing toy laser at kids) Ah-hah! One of the children jumps up in his seat, and grabs the helmet off Jolly’s head. Under the helmet, is another. The child grabs that one. Underneath, is another. By the twenty-fifth helmet, the child is looking confused, and the cabin floor is starting to fill up with helmets. The children give up. Jolly: See? You caed) Could someone please come and save my co-pilot? There are at least a dozen kids doing a maypole dance around her seat and she's trussed up like a Kobolian mummy! The parents exchange glances and sigh heavily. Jolly: I bet Bojay and Sheba refuse to fly our shuttle again. Cassie: So who's left? Jolly: Nobody. They were the last pilots left on the roster...and that was only if they got double hazard pay with overtime! Child Chorus: Mushies, mushies, mushies! (With a terrible scream, Bojay comes racing through the main compartment, heading straight for the drop tubes. Throwing himself in, he hits the "open" button from the inside, and spaces himself.) Jolly: Hmm. If Bojay just spaced himself, and Sheba's playing mummy with the kids, who's flying the shuttle? Voice over louspeaker: This is Child # 37, speaking for the Kiddie Liberation Front. We have taken control of this shuttle, and unless all our demands are met, we will really make trouble. We demand that we go back to the Galactica and get mushies! Second voice: This is Child # 98. Forget the Galactica! Let's go to the Bakership! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 2 Scene: Still on the shuttle returning from the Galactica physicals, Jolly and Cassie are faced with a mutiny of crisis proportions – 150 of their adopted children have taken over the shuttle and declared their intent to divert to the Bakeryship. Child #6: We’re going to board the Bakeryship! Child #2: We’re going to invade the Bakeryship! Child #92: We’re going to plunder the Bakeryship! Child #39.5 (one of twins, you know): We’re going to loot the Bakeryship! Cassie: (exasperated) We get the point, kids! You want mushies, and you want them now! Child Chorus: We want mushies! Jolly: We’ve got to retake the bridge of the shuttle, or we’ll never get home before the others wake from their naps. Cassie: That would be a disaster. But how will we do it? Joled) Could someone please come and save my co-pilot? There are at least a dozen kids doing a maypole dance around her seat and she's trussed up like a Kobolian mummy! The parents exchange glances and sigh heavily. Jolly: I bet Bojay and Sheba refuse to fly our shuttle again. Cassie: So who's left? Jolly: Nobody. They were the last pilots left on the roster...and that was only if they got double hazard pay with overtime! Child Chorus: Mushies, mushies, mushies! (With a terrible scream, Bojay comes racing through the main compartment, heading straight for the drop tubes. Throwing himself in, he hits the "open" button from the inside, and spaces himself.) Jolly: Hmm. If Bojay just spaced himself, and Sheba's playing mummy with the kids, who's flying the shuttle? Voice over louspeaker: This is Child # 37, speaking for the Kiddie Liberation Front. We have taken control of this shuttle, and unless all our demands are met, we will really make trouble. We demand that we go n’t outsmart adults! All right, now, if you kids aren’t in your seats by the time I count to three, you’re getting time out! Grumbling, lower lips quivering, Child #37 and #98 slowly leave the pilot cubicle and head back into the main cabin. Sheba: "Mpthfhttmmerr...."* [*Cassie, I’m going to kill you and your little daggit too"] Cassie: (Pulling enough of the mayday ribbons off so Sheba can speak) Hey, Muffit’s already been disassembled, don’t bring that creature into this! Besides, Sheba, whatever happened to our deep and enduring friendship? Sheba: (sizzling) Hah! That was before you had children! I’m never going to have children! Come to think of it, I am quite certain I never was a child! Cassie: Come to think of it, you were better off silent! Cassie quickly rearranges the mayday ribbons on Sheba’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. Sheba: Ttjerogggllrrr!* [*Wait’ll my new boyfriend Reese gets his hands on you."] Cassie: Jolly, can you take back control of the sThey hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t n’t outsmart adults! All right, now, if you kids aren’t in your seats by the time I count to three, you’re getting time out! Grumbling, lower lips quivering, Child #37 and #98 slowly leave the pilot cubicle and head back into the main cabin. Sheba: "Mpthfhttmmerr...."* [*Cassie, I’m going to kill you and your little daggit too"] Cassie: (Pulling enough of the mayday ribbons off so Sheba can speak) Hey, Muffit’s already been disassembled, don’t bring that creature into this! Besides, Sheba, whatever happened to our deep and enduring friendship? Sheba: (sizzling) Hah! That was before you had children! I’m never going to have children! Come to think of it, I am quite certain I never was a child! Cassie: Come to think of it, you were better off silent! Cassie quickly rearranges the mayday ribbons on Sheba’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. Sheba: Ttjerogggllrrr!* [*Wait’ll my new boyfriend Reese gets his hands on you."] Cassie: Jolly, can you take back control of the s back to the Galactica and get mushies! Second voice: This is Child # 98. Forget the Galactica! Let's go to the Bakership! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 2 Scene: Still on the shuttle returning from the Galactica physicals, Jolly and Cassie are faced with a mutiny of crisis proportions – 150 of their adopted children have taken over the shuttle and declared their intent to divert to the Bakeryship. Child #6: We’re going to board the Bakeryship! Child #2: We’re going to invade the Bakeryship! Child #92: We’re going to plunder the Bakeryship! Child #39.5 (one of twins, you know): We’re going to loot the Bakeryship! Cassie: (exasperated) We get the point, kids! You want mushies, and you want them now! Child Chorus: We want mushies! Jolly: We’ve got to retake the bridge of the shuttle, or we’ll never get home before the others wake from their naps. Cassie: That would be a disaster. But how will we do it? Jolly: We’ll use their own weapons against them. Jolly wades into the pile of toys stacked at the back of the shuttle, and comes back with a squirming little boy, several toy lasers, and a helmet several sizes too small on his head. Jolly: (Tossing the boy and a toy laser to Cassie) Let’s go. Cassie: (Catching the laser, dropping the boy) Let’s go... Jolly and Cassie make their way through the maze of dolls, wagons, mini-daggits, little toy Vipers, little toy trains, kittens, mittens, gimmicky bits of plastic from the happy meals of McRising Star, smoking chemistry sets, and dress-up outfits, to the front of the shuttle. Jolly: (pointing toy laser at kids) Ah-hah! One of the children jumps up in his seat, and grabs the helmet off Jolly’s head. Under the helmet, is another. The child grabs that one. Underneath, is another. By the twenty-fifth helmet, the child is looking confused, and the cabin floor is starting to fill up with helmets. The children give up. Jolly: See? You ca back to the Galactica and get mushies! Second voice: This is Child # 98. Forget the Galactica! Let's go to the Bakership! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 2 Scene: Still on the shuttle returning from the Galactica physicals, Jolly and Cassie are faced with a mutiny of crisis proportions – 150 of their adopted children have taken over the shuttle and declared their intent to divert to the Bakeryship. Child #6: We’re going to board the Bakeryship! Child #2: We’re going to invade the Bakeryship! Child #92: We’re going to plunder the Bakeryship! Child #39.5 (one of twins, you know): We’re going to loot the Bakeryship! Cassie: (exasperated) We get the point, kids! You want mushies, and you want them now! Child Chorus: We want mushies! Jolly: We’ve got to retake the bridge of the shuttle, or we’ll never get home before the others wake from their naps. Cassie: That would be a disaster. But how will we do it? Jolhuttle? Jolly: I think so...wait, what’s that? Cassie: It looks like a phalanx of Cylon Raiders! Both stare in horror at the front port for a microtomotron, then relax and look at each other, smiling. Jolly: Ah, just nose and finger prints... Child Chorus from the rear: We want mushies, we want mushies! Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena moan, "But you brought him back!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 3 Scene: Cassie and Jolly are heading back to the Jolly and Cassie Ship after saving their shuttle from the mutiny of the mushie-mad Kiddie Liberation Front. Jolly is now in the pilot’s seat, since Bojay spaced himself. Sheba is still mummified. Cassie: (speaking briskly as she returns to the main cabin) All right, kids, we’re going in for a landing back home, so everybody strap in – and if I hear one more complaint about mushies, you’re all getting time out! Child Chorus: Awh.... Cassie glared;huttle? Jolly: I think so...wait, what’s that? Cassie: It looks like a phalanx of Cylon Raiders! Both stare in horror at the front port for a microtomotron, then relax and look at each other, smiling. Jolly: Ah, just nose and finger prints... Child Chorus from the rear: We want mushies, we want mushies! Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena moan, "But you brought him back!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 3 Scene: Cassie and Jolly are heading back to the Jolly and Cassie Ship after saving their shuttle from the mutiny of the mushie-mad Kiddie Liberation Front. Jolly is now in the pilot’s seat, since Bojay spaced himself. Sheba is still mummified. Cassie: (speaking briskly as she returns to the main cabin) All right, kids, we’re going in for a landing back home, so everybody strap in – and if I hear one more complaint about mushies, you’re all getting time out! Child Chorus: Awh.... Cassie glared;giving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies direly: We’ll use their own weapons against them. Jolly wades into the pile of toys stacked at the back of the shuttle, and comes back with a squirming little boy, several toy lasers, and a helmet several sizes too small on his head. Jolly: (Tossing the boy and a toy laser to Cassie) Let’s go. Cassie: (Catching the laser, dropping the boy) Let’s go... Jolly and Cassie make their way through the maze of dolls, wagons, mini-daggits, little toy Vipers, little toy trains, kittens, mittens, gimmicky bits of plastic from the happy meals of McRising Star, smoking chemistry sets, and dress-up outfits, to the front of the shuttle. Jolly: (pointing toy laser at kids) Ah-hah! One of the children jumps up in his seat, and grabs the helmet off Jolly’s head. Under the helmet, is another. The child grabs that one. Underneath, is another. By the twenty-fifth helmet, the child is looking confused, and the cabin floor is starting to fill up with helmets. The children give up. Jolly: See? You can’t outsmart adults! All right, now, if you kids aren’t in your seats by the time I count to three, you’re getting time out! Grumbling, lower lips quivering, Child #37 and #98 slowly leave the pilot cubicle and head back into the main cabin. Sheba: "Mpthfhttmmerr...."* [*Cassie, I’m going to kill you and your little daggit too"] Cassie: (Pulling enough of the mayday ribbons off so Sheba can speak) Hey, Muffit’s already been disassembled, don’t bring that creature into this! Besides, Sheba, whatever happened to our deep and enduring friendship? Sheba: (sizzling) Hah! That was before you had children! I’m never going to have children! Come to think of it, I am quite certain I never was a child! Cassie: Come to think of it, you were better off silent! Cassie quickly rearranges the mayday ribbons on Sheba’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. Sheba: Ttjerogggllrrr!* [*Wait’ll my new boyfriend Reese gets his hands on you."] Cassie: Jolly, can you take back control of the sly: We’ll use their own weapons against them. Jolly wades into the pile of toys stacked at the back of the shuttle, and comes back with a squirming little boy, several toy lasers, and a helmet several sizes too small on his head. Jolly: (Tossing the boy and a toy laser to Cassie) Let’s go. Cassie: (Catching the laser, dropping the boy) Let’s go... Jolly and Cassie make their way through the maze of dolls, wagons, mini-daggits, little toy Vipers, little toy trains, kittens, mittens, gimmicky bits of plastic from the happy meals of McRising Star, smoking chemistry sets, and dress-up outfits, to the front of the shuttle. Jolly: (pointing toy laser at kids) Ah-hah! One of the children jumps up in his seat, and grabs the helmet off Jolly’s head. Under the helmet, is another. The child grabs that one. Underneath, is another. By the twenty-fifth helmet, the child is looking confused, and the cabin floor is starting to fill up with helmets. The children give up. Jolly: See? You ca the chorus ceases and all 134 children move into seats. Child #101: Mama Cass, he’s touching me! Child #102: Did not! Child #101: Did too! Child #102: Did not! Cassie: That does it, time out for both of you. Now, does anyone need to be belted? Child #101: (muttering, pointing at the kid next to him) He does. Child #102: (muttering back) Do not. Child #101: I’m telling Papa Jo! Cassie: (Finally noticing the child in the seat where #103 should be) Hey, what’s Boxey doing here? Boxey: (shrugging) Dad told me to get in line with the rest of the kids and do whatever they did. Cassie: Well, sit down and do what the other children do. Boxey: (grinning widely) All right! I get to have fun! Cassie: Jolly! Turn this shuttle around! We’ve got an extra! Jolly: (Voice overhead) Well, that takes us to only 15 kids short. We’re getting better! Cassie: But it’s Boxey! What will Apollo say? Jolly: I don’t care what he says, we’re taking him back anyway! Cassie sigctly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of cour the chorus ceases and all 134 children move into seats. Child #101: Mama Cass, he’s touching me! Child #102: Did not! Child #101: Did too! Child #102: Did not! Cassie: That does it, time out for both of you. Now, does anyone need to be belted? Child #101: (muttering, pointing at the kid next to him) He does. Child #102: (muttering back) Do not. Child #101: I’m telling Papa Jo! Cassie: (Finally noticing the child in the seat where #103 should be) Hey, what’s Boxey doing here? Boxey: (shrugging) Dad told me to get in line with the rest of the kids and do whatever they did. Cassie: Well, sit down and do what the other children do. Boxey: (grinning widely) All right! I get to have fun! Cassie: Jolly! Turn this shuttle around! We’ve got an extra! Jolly: (Voice overhead) Well, that takes us to only 15 kids short. We’re getting better! Cassie: But it’s Boxey! What will Apollo say? Jolly: I don’t care what he says, we’re taking him back anyway! Cassie sign’t outsmart adults! All right, now, if you kids aren’t in your seats by the time I count to three, you’re getting time out! Grumbling, lower lips quivering, Child #37 and #98 slowly leave the pilot cubicle and head back into the main cabin. Sheba: "Mpthfhttmmerr...."* [*Cassie, I’m going to kill you and your little daggit too"] Cassie: (Pulling enough of the mayday ribbons off so Sheba can speak) Hey, Muffit’s already been disassembled, don’t bring that creature into this! Besides, Sheba, whatever happened to our deep and enduring friendship? Sheba: (sizzling) Hah! That was before you had children! I’m never going to have children! Come to think of it, I am quite certain I never was a child! Cassie: Come to think of it, you were better off silent! Cassie quickly rearranges the mayday ribbons on Sheba’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. Sheba: Ttjerogggllrrr!* [*Wait’ll my new boyfriend Reese gets his hands on you."] Cassie: Jolly, can you take back control of the shuttle? Jolly: I think so...wait, what’s that? Cassie: It looks like a phalanx of Cylon Raiders! Both stare in horror at the front port for a microtomotron, then relax and look at each other, smiling. Jolly: Ah, just nose and finger prints... Child Chorus from the rear: We want mushies, we want mushies! Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena moan, "But you brought him back!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 3 Scene: Cassie and Jolly are heading back to the Jolly and Cassie Ship after saving their shuttle from the mutiny of the mushie-mad Kiddie Liberation Front. Jolly is now in the pilot’s seat, since Bojay spaced himself. Sheba is still mummified. Cassie: (speaking briskly as she returns to the main cabin) All right, kids, we’re going in for a landing back home, so everybody strap in – and if I hear one more complaint about mushies, you’re all getting time out! Child Chorus: Awh.... Cassie glared;n’t outsmart adults! All right, now, if you kids aren’t in your seats by the time I count to three, you’re getting time out! Grumbling, lower lips quivering, Child #37 and #98 slowly leave the pilot cubicle and head back into the main cabin. Sheba: "Mpthfhttmmerr...."* [*Cassie, I’m going to kill you and your little daggit too"] Cassie: (Pulling enough of the mayday ribbons off so Sheba can speak) Hey, Muffit’s already been disassembled, don’t bring that creature into this! Besides, Sheba, whatever happened to our deep and enduring friendship? Sheba: (sizzling) Hah! That was before you had children! I’m never going to have children! Come to think of it, I am quite certain I never was a child! Cassie: Come to think of it, you were better off silent! Cassie quickly rearranges the mayday ribbons on Sheba’s mouth, effectively shutting her up. Sheba: Ttjerogggllrrr!* [*Wait’ll my new boyfriend Reese gets his hands on you."] Cassie: Jolly, can you take back control of the shs and takes her own seat as the shuttle makes a sudden u-turn. Jolly: (voice on overhead speakers) Okay, children, if you look off to your left, you’ll see the main engines of the Galactica. Just in front of us, you can see the landing bay lights of the... Hey, who turned out the landing bay lights? The shuttle somehow lands safely on the Galactica despite the landing bay lights being turned off, thanks to the stupendous piloting skill of its pilot – because, as every child knows, mom and dad are gods who know everything, until you hit age 10, at which point mom and dad become the devil incarnate, out to do nothing more than prevent you from having any fun and utterly spoiling your life. Jolly: (stepping out of the shuttle) Hey, Apollo! Athena! Commander Adama! Dr. Salik! Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik quickly hide their champagne glasses. Adama: Jolly! We didn’t expect you back so soon! Jolly: Well, sir, we found a stowaway. Suddenly, from the door of the shuttle, eruptse, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’ths and takes her own seat as the shuttle makes a sudden u-turn. Jolly: (voice on overhead speakers) Okay, children, if you look off to your left, you’ll see the main engines of the Galactica. Just in front of us, you can see the landing bay lights of the... Hey, who turned out the landing bay lights? The shuttle somehow lands safely on the Galactica despite the landing bay lights being turned off, thanks to the stupendous piloting skill of its pilot – because, as every child knows, mom and dad are gods who know everything, until you hit age 10, at which point mom and dad become the devil incarnate, out to do nothing more than prevent you from having any fun and utterly spoiling your life. Jolly: (stepping out of the shuttle) Hey, Apollo! Athena! Commander Adama! Dr. Salik! Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik quickly hide their champagne glasses. Adama: Jolly! We didn’t expect you back so soon! Jolly: Well, sir, we found a stowaway. Suddenly, from the door of the shuttle, erupthuttle? Jolly: I think so...wait, what’s that? Cassie: It looks like a phalanx of Cylon Raiders! Both stare in horror at the front port for a microtomotron, then relax and look at each other, smiling. Jolly: Ah, just nose and finger prints... Child Chorus from the rear: We want mushies, we want mushies! Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena moan, "But you brought him back!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 3 Scene: Cassie and Jolly are heading back to the Jolly and Cassie Ship after saving their shuttle from the mutiny of the mushie-mad Kiddie Liberation Front. Jolly is now in the pilot’s seat, since Bojay spaced himself. Sheba is still mummified. Cassie: (speaking briskly as she returns to the main cabin) All right, kids, we’re going in for a landing back home, so everybody strap in – and if I hear one more complaint about mushies, you’re all getting time out! Child Chorus: Awh.... Cassie glared; the chorus ceases and all 134 children move into seats. Child #101: Mama Cass, he’s touching me! Child #102: Did not! Child #101: Did too! Child #102: Did not! Cassie: That does it, time out for both of you. Now, does anyone need to be belted? Child #101: (muttering, pointing at the kid next to him) He does. Child #102: (muttering back) Do not. Child #101: I’m telling Papa Jo! Cassie: (Finally noticing the child in the seat where #103 should be) Hey, what’s Boxey doing here? Boxey: (shrugging) Dad told me to get in line with the rest of the kids and do whatever they did. Cassie: Well, sit down and do what the other children do. Boxey: (grinning widely) All right! I get to have fun! Cassie: Jolly! Turn this shuttle around! We’ve got an extra! Jolly: (Voice overhead) Well, that takes us to only 15 kids short. We’re getting better! Cassie: But it’s Boxey! What will Apollo say? Jolly: I don’t care what he says, we’re taking him back anyway! Cassie sighuttle? Jolly: I think so...wait, what’s that? Cassie: It looks like a phalanx of Cylon Raiders! Both stare in horror at the front port for a microtomotron, then relax and look at each other, smiling. Jolly: Ah, just nose and finger prints... Child Chorus from the rear: We want mushies, we want mushies! Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena moan, "But you brought him back!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 3 Scene: Cassie and Jolly are heading back to the Jolly and Cassie Ship after saving their shuttle from the mutiny of the mushie-mad Kiddie Liberation Front. Jolly is now in the pilot’s seat, since Bojay spaced himself. Sheba is still mummified. Cassie: (speaking briskly as she returns to the main cabin) All right, kids, we’re going in for a landing back home, so everybody strap in – and if I hear one more complaint about mushies, you’re all getting time out! Child Chorus: Awh.... Cassie glared;s a near-army of children, led by Boxey, armed with every manner of toy thought of by 12 different colonies of mankind over seven thousand yahrens. Before the warriors can do anything to prevent it, the children scatter in all directions. Athena: (moaning) Oh, no! You brought him back! Apollo: (eyes closed in pain) I thought I was rid of him... Child Chorus: (from all directions, echoing insanely in the dimly lit bay) We want mushies, we want mushies! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 4 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Cassie have just returned their shuttle after discovery Boxey among their children. The children have taken off in all directions, leaving Jolly, Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik in the middle of the darkened bay. Jolly: Oh-oh. Well, I guess I’m gonna need a little help rounding them up again... Adama: Don’t look at me! I’ve already raised my kids! Adama flees the bay as fast as the turbolift will carry him. Salik: I’m due in l seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holsts a near-army of children, led by Boxey, armed with every manner of toy thought of by 12 different colonies of mankind over seven thousand yahrens. Before the warriors can do anything to prevent it, the children scatter in all directions. Athena: (moaning) Oh, no! You brought him back! Apollo: (eyes closed in pain) I thought I was rid of him... Child Chorus: (from all directions, echoing insanely in the dimly lit bay) We want mushies, we want mushies! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 4 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Cassie have just returned their shuttle after discovery Boxey among their children. The children have taken off in all directions, leaving Jolly, Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik in the middle of the darkened bay. Jolly: Oh-oh. Well, I guess I’m gonna need a little help rounding them up again... Adama: Don’t look at me! I’ve already raised my kids! Adama flees the bay as fast as the turbolift will carry him. Salik: I’m due in l the chorus ceases and all 134 children move into seats. Child #101: Mama Cass, he’s touching me! Child #102: Did not! Child #101: Did too! Child #102: Did not! Cassie: That does it, time out for both of you. Now, does anyone need to be belted? Child #101: (muttering, pointing at the kid next to him) He does. Child #102: (muttering back) Do not. Child #101: I’m telling Papa Jo! Cassie: (Finally noticing the child in the seat where #103 should be) Hey, what’s Boxey doing here? Boxey: (shrugging) Dad told me to get in line with the rest of the kids and do whatever they did. Cassie: Well, sit down and do what the other children do. Boxey: (grinning widely) All right! I get to have fun! Cassie: Jolly! Turn this shuttle around! We’ve got an extra! Jolly: (Voice overhead) Well, that takes us to only 15 kids short. We’re getting better! Cassie: But it’s Boxey! What will Apollo say? Jolly: I don’t care what he says, we’re taking him back anyway! Cassie sighs and takes her own seat as the shuttle makes a sudden u-turn. Jolly: (voice on overhead speakers) Okay, children, if you look off to your left, you’ll see the main engines of the Galactica. Just in front of us, you can see the landing bay lights of the... Hey, who turned out the landing bay lights? The shuttle somehow lands safely on the Galactica despite the landing bay lights being turned off, thanks to the stupendous piloting skill of its pilot – because, as every child knows, mom and dad are gods who know everything, until you hit age 10, at which point mom and dad become the devil incarnate, out to do nothing more than prevent you from having any fun and utterly spoiling your life. Jolly: (stepping out of the shuttle) Hey, Apollo! Athena! Commander Adama! Dr. Salik! Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik quickly hide their champagne glasses. Adama: Jolly! We didn’t expect you back so soon! Jolly: Well, sir, we found a stowaway. Suddenly, from the door of the shuttle, erupt the chorus ceases and all 134 children move into seats. Child #101: Mama Cass, he’s touching me! Child #102: Did not! Child #101: Did too! Child #102: Did not! Cassie: That does it, time out for both of you. Now, does anyone need to be belted? Child #101: (muttering, pointing at the kid next to him) He does. Child #102: (muttering back) Do not. Child #101: I’m telling Papa Jo! Cassie: (Finally noticing the child in the seat where #103 should be) Hey, what’s Boxey doing here? Boxey: (shrugging) Dad told me to get in line with the rest of the kids and do whatever they did. Cassie: Well, sit down and do what the other children do. Boxey: (grinning widely) All right! I get to have fun! Cassie: Jolly! Turn this shuttle around! We’ve got an extra! Jolly: (Voice overhead) Well, that takes us to only 15 kids short. We’re getting better! Cassie: But it’s Boxey! What will Apollo say? Jolly: I don’t care what he says, we’re taking him back anyway! Cassie sigife center – there’s gotta be an emergency waiting for me. Athena: (objecting) But, Dr. Salik, you just said that everything was under control for the first time all day! Salik: You want to help with Jolly and Cassie’s kids? Child Chorus: (whispering throughout bay) Mushies, mushies, mushies... Athena glances around the darkened bay, looking terrified, then suddenly holds up her thumb. Athena: (dramatically) Dr. Salik! I have a hangnail! Salik: (grabbing her and steering toward the turbolift) Emergency, emergency, get out of our way, the commander’s daughter has a hangnail! Coming through, code mauve! Jolly: Well, Apollo? Apollo: Well, what? Jolly: The kids? After all, one of them is yours. Apollo: Only by adoption–! Jolly: Same as mine, Skipper. Apollo: Well, maybe we can draft some of the bay technicians... Jolly: I suspect they’re all in hiding – that’s the only explanation for the landing bay lights going out as we came back. Apollo: Well, not the only eer. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie sife center – there’s gotta be an emergency waiting for me. Athena: (objecting) But, Dr. Salik, you just said that everything was under control for the first time all day! Salik: You want to help with Jolly and Cassie’s kids? Child Chorus: (whispering throughout bay) Mushies, mushies, mushies... Athena glances around the darkened bay, looking terrified, then suddenly holds up her thumb. Athena: (dramatically) Dr. Salik! I have a hangnail! Salik: (grabbing her and steering toward the turbolift) Emergency, emergency, get out of our way, the commander’s daughter has a hangnail! Coming through, code mauve! Jolly: Well, Apollo? Apollo: Well, what? Jolly: The kids? After all, one of them is yours. Apollo: Only by adoption–! Jolly: Same as mine, Skipper. Apollo: Well, maybe we can draft some of the bay technicians... Jolly: I suspect they’re all in hiding – that’s the only explanation for the landing bay lights going out as we came back. Apollo: Well, not the only ehs and takes her own seat as the shuttle makes a sudden u-turn. Jolly: (voice on overhead speakers) Okay, children, if you look off to your left, you’ll see the main engines of the Galactica. Just in front of us, you can see the landing bay lights of the... Hey, who turned out the landing bay lights? The shuttle somehow lands safely on the Galactica despite the landing bay lights being turned off, thanks to the stupendous piloting skill of its pilot – because, as every child knows, mom and dad are gods who know everything, until you hit age 10, at which point mom and dad become the devil incarnate, out to do nothing more than prevent you from having any fun and utterly spoiling your life. Jolly: (stepping out of the shuttle) Hey, Apollo! Athena! Commander Adama! Dr. Salik! Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik quickly hide their champagne glasses. Adama: Jolly! We didn’t expect you back so soon! Jolly: Well, sir, we found a stowaway. Suddenly, from the door of the shuttle, erupts a near-army of children, led by Boxey, armed with every manner of toy thought of by 12 different colonies of mankind over seven thousand yahrens. Before the warriors can do anything to prevent it, the children scatter in all directions. Athena: (moaning) Oh, no! You brought him back! Apollo: (eyes closed in pain) I thought I was rid of him... Child Chorus: (from all directions, echoing insanely in the dimly lit bay) We want mushies, we want mushies! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 4 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Cassie have just returned their shuttle after discovery Boxey among their children. The children have taken off in all directions, leaving Jolly, Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik in the middle of the darkened bay. Jolly: Oh-oh. Well, I guess I’m gonna need a little help rounding them up again... Adama: Don’t look at me! I’ve already raised my kids! Adama flees the bay as fast as the turbolift will carry him. Salik: I’m due in lhs and takes her own seat as the shuttle makes a sudden u-turn. Jolly: (voice on overhead speakers) Okay, children, if you look off to your left, you’ll see the main engines of the Galactica. Just in front of us, you can see the landing bay lights of the... Hey, who turned out the landing bay lights? The shuttle somehow lands safely on the Galactica despite the landing bay lights being turned off, thanks to the stupendous piloting skill of its pilot – because, as every child knows, mom and dad are gods who know everything, until you hit age 10, at which point mom and dad become the devil incarnate, out to do nothing more than prevent you from having any fun and utterly spoiling your life. Jolly: (stepping out of the shuttle) Hey, Apollo! Athena! Commander Adama! Dr. Salik! Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik quickly hide their champagne glasses. Adama: Jolly! We didn’t expect you back so soon! Jolly: Well, sir, we found a stowaway. Suddenly, from the door of the shuttle, eruptxplanation... A cheerful whistling is heard as Starbuck enters the bay. Having just returned from patrol, he’s the only one on the ship who doesn’t know what’s going on. Apollo: (gladly) Starbuck! Just the fellow I was looking for! Starbuck: (suspiciously – they’ve been butting heads for a secton, remember, which is how Cassie wound up with Jolly and Sheba wound up with Reese) What? What’d I do this time? Apollo: Nothing – yet. But you’re gonna help us round up Jolly and Cassie’s stray kids. Starbuck: (Panicked) What? No, you can’t do that to me, I’ve done my babysitting stint for the sectar! Apollo: Now, now, Starbuck, it’s for your own good... Starbuck: Like hades! Starbuck glances around desperately for escape. The nearest possibility is the shuttle. He makes a break for it, races to the shuttle, and throws himself inside. All that’s heard as the hatch closes is his sudden screams... Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"hip. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was dexplanation... A cheerful whistling is heard as Starbuck enters the bay. Having just returned from patrol, he’s the only one on the ship who doesn’t know what’s going on. Apollo: (gladly) Starbuck! Just the fellow I was looking for! Starbuck: (suspiciously – they’ve been butting heads for a secton, remember, which is how Cassie wound up with Jolly and Sheba wound up with Reese) What? What’d I do this time? Apollo: Nothing – yet. But you’re gonna help us round up Jolly and Cassie’s stray kids. Starbuck: (Panicked) What? No, you can’t do that to me, I’ve done my babysitting stint for the sectar! Apollo: Now, now, Starbuck, it’s for your own good... Starbuck: Like hades! Starbuck glances around desperately for escape. The nearest possibility is the shuttle. He makes a break for it, races to the shuttle, and throws himself inside. All that’s heard as the hatch closes is his sudden screams... Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"s a near-army of children, led by Boxey, armed with every manner of toy thought of by 12 different colonies of mankind over seven thousand yahrens. Before the warriors can do anything to prevent it, the children scatter in all directions. Athena: (moaning) Oh, no! You brought him back! Apollo: (eyes closed in pain) I thought I was rid of him... Child Chorus: (from all directions, echoing insanely in the dimly lit bay) We want mushies, we want mushies! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 4 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Cassie have just returned their shuttle after discovery Boxey among their children. The children have taken off in all directions, leaving Jolly, Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik in the middle of the darkened bay. Jolly: Oh-oh. Well, I guess I’m gonna need a little help rounding them up again... Adama: Don’t look at me! I’ve already raised my kids! Adama flees the bay as fast as the turbolift will carry him. Salik: I’m due in life center – there’s gotta be an emergency waiting for me. Athena: (objecting) But, Dr. Salik, you just said that everything was under control for the first time all day! Salik: You want to help with Jolly and Cassie’s kids? Child Chorus: (whispering throughout bay) Mushies, mushies, mushies... Athena glances around the darkened bay, looking terrified, then suddenly holds up her thumb. Athena: (dramatically) Dr. Salik! I have a hangnail! Salik: (grabbing her and steering toward the turbolift) Emergency, emergency, get out of our way, the commander’s daughter has a hangnail! Coming through, code mauve! Jolly: Well, Apollo? Apollo: Well, what? Jolly: The kids? After all, one of them is yours. Apollo: Only by adoption–! Jolly: Same as mine, Skipper. Apollo: Well, maybe we can draft some of the bay technicians... Jolly: I suspect they’re all in hiding – that’s the only explanation for the landing bay lights going out as we came back. Apollo: Well, not the only es a near-army of children, led by Boxey, armed with every manner of toy thought of by 12 different colonies of mankind over seven thousand yahrens. Before the warriors can do anything to prevent it, the children scatter in all directions. Athena: (moaning) Oh, no! You brought him back! Apollo: (eyes closed in pain) I thought I was rid of him... Child Chorus: (from all directions, echoing insanely in the dimly lit bay) We want mushies, we want mushies! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 4 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Cassie have just returned their shuttle after discovery Boxey among their children. The children have taken off in all directions, leaving Jolly, Adama, Athena, Apollo, and Salik in the middle of the darkened bay. Jolly: Oh-oh. Well, I guess I’m gonna need a little help rounding them up again... Adama: Don’t look at me! I’ve already raised my kids! Adama flees the bay as fast as the turbolift will carry him. Salik: I’m due in l when you’ll hear Apollo say, "We both knew it would come to this. Draw...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 5 Scene: the darkened landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Apollo stand alone beside a shuttle. Jolly and Cassie’s numerous children have scattered into the darkness around them, and it’s now up to our intrepid warriors to round them up. Jolly: I’ll go left, you go right – or you can go left, if that’s all right with you, Skipper... Apollo: (grudgingly) I guess so, since Boxey’s one of the strays...unless... Jolly: Unless what? Apollo: Unless we set a trap. Jolly: A trap! But Cassie’ll be upset if any of our angels get hurt – and won’t it worry the network censors? Apollo: Not if we use catch and release! Jolly: But if we release them, we’ll be right back where we started. Apollo: We’ll deal with that when the times comes. Come on! Apollo and Jolly hurry out of the bay, to return a few moments later with their arms laden with art supplies – clstroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Joll when you’ll hear Apollo say, "We both knew it would come to this. Draw...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 5 Scene: the darkened landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Apollo stand alone beside a shuttle. Jolly and Cassie’s numerous children have scattered into the darkness around them, and it’s now up to our intrepid warriors to round them up. Jolly: I’ll go left, you go right – or you can go left, if that’s all right with you, Skipper... Apollo: (grudgingly) I guess so, since Boxey’s one of the strays...unless... Jolly: Unless what? Apollo: Unless we set a trap. Jolly: A trap! But Cassie’ll be upset if any of our angels get hurt – and won’t it worry the network censors? Apollo: Not if we use catch and release! Jolly: But if we release them, we’ll be right back where we started. Apollo: We’ll deal with that when the times comes. Come on! Apollo and Jolly hurry out of the bay, to return a few moments later with their arms laden with art supplies – clife center – there’s gotta be an emergency waiting for me. Athena: (objecting) But, Dr. Salik, you just said that everything was under control for the first time all day! Salik: You want to help with Jolly and Cassie’s kids? Child Chorus: (whispering throughout bay) Mushies, mushies, mushies... Athena glances around the darkened bay, looking terrified, then suddenly holds up her thumb. Athena: (dramatically) Dr. Salik! I have a hangnail! Salik: (grabbing her and steering toward the turbolift) Emergency, emergency, get out of our way, the commander’s daughter has a hangnail! Coming through, code mauve! Jolly: Well, Apollo? Apollo: Well, what? Jolly: The kids? After all, one of them is yours. Apollo: Only by adoption–! Jolly: Same as mine, Skipper. Apollo: Well, maybe we can draft some of the bay technicians... Jolly: I suspect they’re all in hiding – that’s the only explanation for the landing bay lights going out as we came back. Apollo: Well, not the only explanation... A cheerful whistling is heard as Starbuck enters the bay. Having just returned from patrol, he’s the only one on the ship who doesn’t know what’s going on. Apollo: (gladly) Starbuck! Just the fellow I was looking for! Starbuck: (suspiciously – they’ve been butting heads for a secton, remember, which is how Cassie wound up with Jolly and Sheba wound up with Reese) What? What’d I do this time? Apollo: Nothing – yet. But you’re gonna help us round up Jolly and Cassie’s stray kids. Starbuck: (Panicked) What? No, you can’t do that to me, I’ve done my babysitting stint for the sectar! Apollo: Now, now, Starbuck, it’s for your own good... Starbuck: Like hades! Starbuck glances around desperately for escape. The nearest possibility is the shuttle. He makes a break for it, races to the shuttle, and throws himself inside. All that’s heard as the hatch closes is his sudden screams... Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"ife center – there’s gotta be an emergency waiting for me. Athena: (objecting) But, Dr. Salik, you just said that everything was under control for the first time all day! Salik: You want to help with Jolly and Cassie’s kids? Child Chorus: (whispering throughout bay) Mushies, mushies, mushies... Athena glances around the darkened bay, looking terrified, then suddenly holds up her thumb. Athena: (dramatically) Dr. Salik! I have a hangnail! Salik: (grabbing her and steering toward the turbolift) Emergency, emergency, get out of our way, the commander’s daughter has a hangnail! Coming through, code mauve! Jolly: Well, Apollo? Apollo: Well, what? Jolly: The kids? After all, one of them is yours. Apollo: Only by adoption–! Jolly: Same as mine, Skipper. Apollo: Well, maybe we can draft some of the bay technicians... Jolly: I suspect they’re all in hiding – that’s the only explanation for the landing bay lights going out as we came back. Apollo: Well, not the only eay, paint, reams of paper, colored pencils, play-doh, crayons. The warriors set the supplies in small piles around the shuttle. Apollo leaves again while Jolly keeps watch; when Apollo returns, he is dragging along an obviously reluctant Athena. Athena: (whining) But why do I have to be here? Apollo: Quit whining! Who do you think you are, Sheba? You’re a teacher as well as a bridge officer, that's why. The kids'll believe you! You’re the bait for the trap! Jolly: (giving her a quick glance, after glancing at the shuttle to see if Cassie is around) Well, bait enough for the boys, anyway. Athena: (loudly) Announcing the first annual Galactica art contest! Open to everyone! Chose your medium! First prize for the most creative artwork will be a trip to the Bakeryship and a lifetime supply of your favorite mushies! All around them in the shadows, come excited whispers, out of which can be clearly heard a few words. Child Chorus: Bakersyhip! Mushies! Mushies! Bakeryship! xplanation... A cheerful whistling is heard as Starbuck enters the bay. Having just returned from patrol, he’s the only one on the ship who doesn’t know what’s going on. Apollo: (gladly) Starbuck! Just the fellow I was looking for! Starbuck: (suspiciously – they’ve been butting heads for a secton, remember, which is how Cassie wound up with Jolly and Sheba wound up with Reese) What? What’d I do this time? Apollo: Nothing – yet. But you’re gonna help us round up Jolly and Cassie’s stray kids. Starbuck: (Panicked) What? No, you can’t do that to me, I’ve done my babysitting stint for the sectar! Apollo: Now, now, Starbuck, it’s for your own good... Starbuck: Like hades! Starbuck glances around desperately for escape. The nearest possibility is the shuttle. He makes a break for it, races to the shuttle, and throws himself inside. All that’s heard as the hatch closes is his sudden screams... Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"ay, paint, reams of paper, colored pencils, play-doh, crayons. The warriors set the supplies in small piles around the shuttle. Apollo leaves again while Jolly keeps watch; when Apollo returns, he is dragging along an obviously reluctant Athena. Athena: (whining) But why do I have to be here? Apollo: Quit whining! Who do you think you are, Sheba? You’re a teacher as well as a bridge officer, that's why. The kids'll believe you! You’re the bait for the trap! Jolly: (giving her a quick glance, after glancing at the shuttle to see if Cassie is around) Well, bait enough for the boys, anyway. Athena: (loudly) Announcing the first annual Galactica art contest! Open to everyone! Chose your medium! First prize for the most creative artwork will be a trip to the Bakeryship and a lifetime supply of your favorite mushies! All around them in the shadows, come excited whispers, out of which can be clearly heard a few words. Child Chorus: Bakersyhip! Mushies! Mushies! Bakeryship! y, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, the when you’ll hear Apollo say, "We both knew it would come to this. Draw...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 5 Scene: the darkened landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Apollo stand alone beside a shuttle. Jolly and Cassie’s numerous children have scattered into the darkness around them, and it’s now up to our intrepid warriors to round them up. Jolly: I’ll go left, you go right – or you can go left, if that’s all right with you, Skipper... Apollo: (grudgingly) I guess so, since Boxey’s one of the strays...unless... Jolly: Unless what? Apollo: Unless we set a trap. Jolly: A trap! But Cassie’ll be upset if any of our angels get hurt – and won’t it worry the network censors? Apollo: Not if we use catch and release! Jolly: But if we release them, we’ll be right back where we started. Apollo: We’ll deal with that when the times comes. Come on! Apollo and Jolly hurry out of the bay, to return a few moments later with their arms laden with art supplies – clxplanation... A cheerful whistling is heard as Starbuck enters the bay. Having just returned from patrol, he’s the only one on the ship who doesn’t know what’s going on. Apollo: (gladly) Starbuck! Just the fellow I was looking for! Starbuck: (suspiciously – they’ve been butting heads for a secton, remember, which is how Cassie wound up with Jolly and Sheba wound up with Reese) What? What’d I do this time? Apollo: Nothing – yet. But you’re gonna help us round up Jolly and Cassie’s stray kids. Starbuck: (Panicked) What? No, you can’t do that to me, I’ve done my babysitting stint for the sectar! Apollo: Now, now, Starbuck, it’s for your own good... Starbuck: Like hades! Starbuck glances around desperately for escape. The nearest possibility is the shuttle. He makes a break for it, races to the shuttle, and throws himself inside. All that’s heard as the hatch closes is his sudden screams... Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" Apollo: (turning to Jolly) Okay, let’s finish the trap... Jolly: (picking up a piece of paper and crayons) Do we have to? Apollo: (similarly picking up paper) We both knew it might come to this. Draw! Athena: (loudly) Oh, that’s an excellent start, Jolly! Keep drawing, you might win that lifetime supply of mushies! Oh, Apollo, what a lovely rendition of a battlestar! You might win that trip to the Bakeryship! Several children slowly make their way into the light, then dash over to grab art supplies. Others join them. Boxey is not one of them. Soon, a large part of the bay is full of children painting, drawing, coloring, modeling, and otherwise being artistic. Some of them are even using paper. Apollo quietly leaves his own art and makes his way out of the bay. Athena: (glancing around at the graffiti and drawings on the shuttle, the deck, the girders, the walls, etc.) Wow, Jolly, who’d’ve thought your kids could be so artistic? But what’s Father going to say about all th when you’ll hear Apollo say, "We both knew it would come to this. Draw...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 5 Scene: the darkened landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Apollo stand alone beside a shuttle. Jolly and Cassie’s numerous children have scattered into the darkness around them, and it’s now up to our intrepid warriors to round them up. Jolly: I’ll go left, you go right – or you can go left, if that’s all right with you, Skipper... Apollo: (grudgingly) I guess so, since Boxey’s one of the strays...unless... Jolly: Unless what? Apollo: Unless we set a trap. Jolly: A trap! But Cassie’ll be upset if any of our angels get hurt – and won’t it worry the network censors? Apollo: Not if we use catch and release! Jolly: But if we release them, we’ll be right back where we started. Apollo: We’ll deal with that when the times comes. Come on! Apollo and Jolly hurry out of the bay, to return a few moments later with their arms laden with art supplies – cl Apollo: (turning to Jolly) Okay, let’s finish the trap... Jolly: (picking up a piece of paper and crayons) Do we have to? Apollo: (similarly picking up paper) We both knew it might come to this. Draw! Athena: (loudly) Oh, that’s an excellent start, Jolly! Keep drawing, you might win that lifetime supply of mushies! Oh, Apollo, what a lovely rendition of a battlestar! You might win that trip to the Bakeryship! Several children slowly make their way into the light, then dash over to grab art supplies. Others join them. Boxey is not one of them. Soon, a large part of the bay is full of children painting, drawing, coloring, modeling, and otherwise being artistic. Some of them are even using paper. Apollo quietly leaves his own art and makes his way out of the bay. Athena: (glancing around at the graffiti and drawings on the shuttle, the deck, the girders, the walls, etc.) Wow, Jolly, who’d’ve thought your kids could be so artistic? But what’s Father going to say about all thn. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siray, paint, reams of paper, colored pencils, play-doh, crayons. The warriors set the supplies in small piles around the shuttle. Apollo leaves again while Jolly keeps watch; when Apollo returns, he is dragging along an obviously reluctant Athena. Athena: (whining) But why do I have to be here? Apollo: Quit whining! Who do you think you are, Sheba? You’re a teacher as well as a bridge officer, that's why. The kids'll believe you! You’re the bait for the trap! Jolly: (giving her a quick glance, after glancing at the shuttle to see if Cassie is around) Well, bait enough for the boys, anyway. Athena: (loudly) Announcing the first annual Galactica art contest! Open to everyone! Chose your medium! First prize for the most creative artwork will be a trip to the Bakeryship and a lifetime supply of your favorite mushies! All around them in the shadows, come excited whispers, out of which can be clearly heard a few words. Child Chorus: Bakersyhip! Mushies! Mushies! Bakeryship! when you’ll hear Apollo say, "We both knew it would come to this. Draw...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 5 Scene: the darkened landing bay of the Galactica, where Jolly and Apollo stand alone beside a shuttle. Jolly and Cassie’s numerous children have scattered into the darkness around them, and it’s now up to our intrepid warriors to round them up. Jolly: I’ll go left, you go right – or you can go left, if that’s all right with you, Skipper... Apollo: (grudgingly) I guess so, since Boxey’s one of the strays...unless... Jolly: Unless what? Apollo: Unless we set a trap. Jolly: A trap! But Cassie’ll be upset if any of our angels get hurt – and won’t it worry the network censors? Apollo: Not if we use catch and release! Jolly: But if we release them, we’ll be right back where we started. Apollo: We’ll deal with that when the times comes. Come on! Apollo and Jolly hurry out of the bay, to return a few moments later with their arms laden with art supplies – cless Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred tay, paint, reams of paper, colored pencils, play-doh, crayons. The warriors set the supplies in small piles around the shuttle. Apollo leaves again while Jolly keeps watch; when Apollo returns, he is dragging along an obviously reluctant Athena. Athena: (whining) But why do I have to be here? Apollo: Quit whining! Who do you think you are, Sheba? You’re a teacher as well as a bridge officer, that's why. The kids'll believe you! You’re the bait for the trap! Jolly: (giving her a quick glance, after glancing at the shuttle to see if Cassie is around) Well, bait enough for the boys, anyway. Athena: (loudly) Announcing the first annual Galactica art contest! Open to everyone! Chose your medium! First prize for the most creative artwork will be a trip to the Bakeryship and a lifetime supply of your favorite mushies! All around them in the shadows, come excited whispers, out of which can be clearly heard a few words. Child Chorus: Bakersyhip! Mushies! Mushies! Bakeryship! is? Jolly: As long as the lights stay down, we’re in luck... The bay lights come up. Apollo comes back in, a couple dozen very tense-looking security officers beside him. The children freeze and look ready to run again. Athena: (moving among the children, patting heads and nodding approvingly) Well, we needed light to judge the winner, right, kids? Besides, it’ll help you all see what you’re doing so much better! The kids smile and resume art. Several catch at Athena’s tunic to get her attention and show her their own pictures. The security officers slowly relax. Before long, Athena is surrounded by grabbing children, and beginning to look a little panicked. Athena: Help...? Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 6 Scene: Galactica landing bay, now brightly lit and full of excited, animated children drawing, is? Jolly: As long as the lights stay down, we’re in luck... The bay lights come up. Apollo comes back in, a couple dozen very tense-looking security officers beside him. The children freeze and look ready to run again. Athena: (moving among the children, patting heads and nodding approvingly) Well, we needed light to judge the winner, right, kids? Besides, it’ll help you all see what you’re doing so much better! The kids smile and resume art. Several catch at Athena’s tunic to get her attention and show her their own pictures. The security officers slowly relax. Before long, Athena is surrounded by grabbing children, and beginning to look a little panicked. Athena: Help...? Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 6 Scene: Galactica landing bay, now brightly lit and full of excited, animated children drawing, Apollo: (turning to Jolly) Okay, let’s finish the trap... Jolly: (picking up a piece of paper and crayons) Do we have to? Apollo: (similarly picking up paper) We both knew it might come to this. Draw! Athena: (loudly) Oh, that’s an excellent start, Jolly! Keep drawing, you might win that lifetime supply of mushies! Oh, Apollo, what a lovely rendition of a battlestar! You might win that trip to the Bakeryship! Several children slowly make their way into the light, then dash over to grab art supplies. Others join them. Boxey is not one of them. Soon, a large part of the bay is full of children painting, drawing, coloring, modeling, and otherwise being artistic. Some of them are even using paper. Apollo quietly leaves his own art and makes his way out of the bay. Athena: (glancing around at the graffiti and drawings on the shuttle, the deck, the girders, the walls, etc.) Wow, Jolly, who’d’ve thought your kids could be so artistic? But what’s Father going to say about all thay, paint, reams of paper, colored pencils, play-doh, crayons. The warriors set the supplies in small piles around the shuttle. Apollo leaves again while Jolly keeps watch; when Apollo returns, he is dragging along an obviously reluctant Athena. Athena: (whining) But why do I have to be here? Apollo: Quit whining! Who do you think you are, Sheba? You’re a teacher as well as a bridge officer, that's why. The kids'll believe you! You’re the bait for the trap! Jolly: (giving her a quick glance, after glancing at the shuttle to see if Cassie is around) Well, bait enough for the boys, anyway. Athena: (loudly) Announcing the first annual Galactica art contest! Open to everyone! Chose your medium! First prize for the most creative artwork will be a trip to the Bakeryship and a lifetime supply of your favorite mushies! All around them in the shadows, come excited whispers, out of which can be clearly heard a few words. Child Chorus: Bakersyhip! Mushies! Mushies! Bakeryship! painting, modeling, coloring, and otherwise being artistic – and showing as much of it as possible to Athena, who keeps trying unsuccessfully to escape the mob. Cassie steps out of the shuttle, glances about approvingly, and joins Jolly. Cassie: Here – I made a list of the children we brought with us today; check them off as you find them. Jolly: Okay. Say, isn’t Starbuck on the shuttle? Did you see him? Cassie smiles sweetly and gets back on the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind her. Apollo: (moving among the children, searching) Boxey isn’t here. Jolly: (also moving through the crowd, checking off numbers from the list, then turning to Reese, one of the security officers) Say, Reese, mind helping me out here? I seem to be a little short... Reese: (studying Jolly’s bulk) Surely you’re joking. Jolly: Don’t call me Surly, I’m Jolly. Apollo: (peering around Jolly’s shoulder, now also studying list) Hmm, from the looks of this list, we’re still missing about 25 kids. And Bo Apollo: (turning to Jolly) Okay, let’s finish the trap... Jolly: (picking up a piece of paper and crayons) Do we have to? Apollo: (similarly picking up paper) We both knew it might come to this. Draw! Athena: (loudly) Oh, that’s an excellent start, Jolly! Keep drawing, you might win that lifetime supply of mushies! Oh, Apollo, what a lovely rendition of a battlestar! You might win that trip to the Bakeryship! Several children slowly make their way into the light, then dash over to grab art supplies. Others join them. Boxey is not one of them. Soon, a large part of the bay is full of children painting, drawing, coloring, modeling, and otherwise being artistic. Some of them are even using paper. Apollo quietly leaves his own art and makes his way out of the bay. Athena: (glancing around at the graffiti and drawings on the shuttle, the deck, the girders, the walls, etc.) Wow, Jolly, who’d’ve thought your kids could be so artistic? But what’s Father going to say about all thpainting, modeling, coloring, and otherwise being artistic – and showing as much of it as possible to Athena, who keeps trying unsuccessfully to escape the mob. Cassie steps out of the shuttle, glances about approvingly, and joins Jolly. Cassie: Here – I made a list of the children we brought with us today; check them off as you find them. Jolly: Okay. Say, isn’t Starbuck on the shuttle? Did you see him? Cassie smiles sweetly and gets back on the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind her. Apollo: (moving among the children, searching) Boxey isn’t here. Jolly: (also moving through the crowd, checking off numbers from the list, then turning to Reese, one of the security officers) Say, Reese, mind helping me out here? I seem to be a little short... Reese: (studying Jolly’s bulk) Surely you’re joking. Jolly: Don’t call me Surly, I’m Jolly. Apollo: (peering around Jolly’s shoulder, now also studying list) Hmm, from the looks of this list, we’re still missing about 25 kids. And Boo me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriorsis? Jolly: As long as the lights stay down, we’re in luck... The bay lights come up. Apollo comes back in, a couple dozen very tense-looking security officers beside him. The children freeze and look ready to run again. Athena: (moving among the children, patting heads and nodding approvingly) Well, we needed light to judge the winner, right, kids? Besides, it’ll help you all see what you’re doing so much better! The kids smile and resume art. Several catch at Athena’s tunic to get her attention and show her their own pictures. The security officers slowly relax. Before long, Athena is surrounded by grabbing children, and beginning to look a little panicked. Athena: Help...? Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 6 Scene: Galactica landing bay, now brightly lit and full of excited, animated children drawing, Apollo: (turning to Jolly) Okay, let’s finish the trap... Jolly: (picking up a piece of paper and crayons) Do we have to? Apollo: (similarly picking up paper) We both knew it might come to this. Draw! Athena: (loudly) Oh, that’s an excellent start, Jolly! Keep drawing, you might win that lifetime supply of mushies! Oh, Apollo, what a lovely rendition of a battlestar! You might win that trip to the Bakeryship! Several children slowly make their way into the light, then dash over to grab art supplies. Others join them. Boxey is not one of them. Soon, a large part of the bay is full of children painting, drawing, coloring, modeling, and otherwise being artistic. Some of them are even using paper. Apollo quietly leaves his own art and makes his way out of the bay. Athena: (glancing around at the graffiti and drawings on the shuttle, the deck, the girders, the walls, etc.) Wow, Jolly, who’d’ve thought your kids could be so artistic? But what’s Father going to say about all this? Jolly: As long as the lights stay down, we’re in luck... The bay lights come up. Apollo comes back in, a couple dozen very tense-looking security officers beside him. The children freeze and look ready to run again. Athena: (moving among the children, patting heads and nodding approvingly) Well, we needed light to judge the winner, right, kids? Besides, it’ll help you all see what you’re doing so much better! The kids smile and resume art. Several catch at Athena’s tunic to get her attention and show her their own pictures. The security officers slowly relax. Before long, Athena is surrounded by grabbing children, and beginning to look a little panicked. Athena: Help...? Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 6 Scene: Galactica landing bay, now brightly lit and full of excited, animated children drawing, xey’s still one of them. Reese: Aren’t we also missing Sheba? Wasn’t my new girlfriend one of your pilots? (smug look at Apollo, who scowls back) Jolly: Oh, yeah, about the pilots....well, let’s find the kids first. Any suggestions? Apollo shrugs. Reese: (pulling his laser pistol and gestures at the rest of the security force standing around) There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic. Apollo quickly draws his own laser, looking suspicious and ready to take Reese on in a heartbeat. The children look on avidly. Jolly: Reese! Isn’t that a little too drastic? Reese: You know your kids, Jolly. What do you think? Jolly: (drawing a deep breath) I guess you’re right. (pulling his own laser and checking it) Yup, you’re right, the kids got to ‘em again. Apollo aims at the ceiling; a spray of scented, colored water shoots out, super-soaker style. Child Chorus: (drawing their own water lasers from pockets, backpack, etc.) Yay! Water fight, water fight! For a momxey’s still one of them. Reese: Aren’t we also missing Sheba? Wasn’t my new girlfriend one of your pilots? (smug look at Apollo, who scowls back) Jolly: Oh, yeah, about the pilots....well, let’s find the kids first. Any suggestions? Apollo shrugs. Reese: (pulling his laser pistol and gestures at the rest of the security force standing around) There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic. Apollo quickly draws his own laser, looking suspicious and ready to take Reese on in a heartbeat. The children look on avidly. Jolly: Reese! Isn’t that a little too drastic? Reese: You know your kids, Jolly. What do you think? Jolly: (drawing a deep breath) I guess you’re right. (pulling his own laser and checking it) Yup, you’re right, the kids got to ‘em again. Apollo aims at the ceiling; a spray of scented, colored water shoots out, super-soaker style. Child Chorus: (drawing their own water lasers from pockets, backpack, etc.) Yay! Water fight, water fight! For a mom and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commandepainting, modeling, coloring, and otherwise being artistic – and showing as much of it as possible to Athena, who keeps trying unsuccessfully to escape the mob. Cassie steps out of the shuttle, glances about approvingly, and joins Jolly. Cassie: Here – I made a list of the children we brought with us today; check them off as you find them. Jolly: Okay. Say, isn’t Starbuck on the shuttle? Did you see him? Cassie smiles sweetly and gets back on the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind her. Apollo: (moving among the children, searching) Boxey isn’t here. Jolly: (also moving through the crowd, checking off numbers from the list, then turning to Reese, one of the security officers) Say, Reese, mind helping me out here? I seem to be a little short... Reese: (studying Jolly’s bulk) Surely you’re joking. Jolly: Don’t call me Surly, I’m Jolly. Apollo: (peering around Jolly’s shoulder, now also studying list) Hmm, from the looks of this list, we’re still missing about 25 kids. And Bois? Jolly: As long as the lights stay down, we’re in luck... The bay lights come up. Apollo comes back in, a couple dozen very tense-looking security officers beside him. The children freeze and look ready to run again. Athena: (moving among the children, patting heads and nodding approvingly) Well, we needed light to judge the winner, right, kids? Besides, it’ll help you all see what you’re doing so much better! The kids smile and resume art. Several catch at Athena’s tunic to get her attention and show her their own pictures. The security officers slowly relax. Before long, Athena is surrounded by grabbing children, and beginning to look a little panicked. Athena: Help...? Tune in next time for another exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 6 Scene: Galactica landing bay, now brightly lit and full of excited, animated children drawing, ent, pendemonium reigns supreme as the entire bay is hosed down with variously perfumed ammo from about a hundred kids, two warriors, and half a dozen security officers armed with super-laser-soakers, laser-water-pistols, turbo-water-balloons, etc. Athena takes the brunt of the soaking until, unarmed and unable to defend herself, she finally flees the bay. The walls and ceiling get their share too, and the children’s painted artwork runs down the walls like blood in a really bad b-grade horror movie. Cassie: (stepping out of the shuttle again) Stop! At her ringing command, all activity ceases. Child # 15: Oh-oh, it’s Mama Cass... Child # 88: No mushies tonight... Cassie: Into the shuttle! The children line up in front of the shuttle and start filing in. Apollo: (just as soaked and scented as everybody else) But what about the ones still missing? I mean, I’ll keep Boxey, I don’t have any choice about that since Serina made me adopt him or be locked out of her quarters... Reent, pendemonium reigns supreme as the entire bay is hosed down with variously perfumed ammo from about a hundred kids, two warriors, and half a dozen security officers armed with super-laser-soakers, laser-water-pistols, turbo-water-balloons, etc. Athena takes the brunt of the soaking until, unarmed and unable to defend herself, she finally flees the bay. The walls and ceiling get their share too, and the children’s painted artwork runs down the walls like blood in a really bad b-grade horror movie. Cassie: (stepping out of the shuttle again) Stop! At her ringing command, all activity ceases. Child # 15: Oh-oh, it’s Mama Cass... Child # 88: No mushies tonight... Cassie: Into the shuttle! The children line up in front of the shuttle and start filing in. Apollo: (just as soaked and scented as everybody else) But what about the ones still missing? I mean, I’ll keep Boxey, I don’t have any choice about that since Serina made me adopt him or be locked out of her quarters... Repainting, modeling, coloring, and otherwise being artistic – and showing as much of it as possible to Athena, who keeps trying unsuccessfully to escape the mob. Cassie steps out of the shuttle, glances about approvingly, and joins Jolly. Cassie: Here – I made a list of the children we brought with us today; check them off as you find them. Jolly: Okay. Say, isn’t Starbuck on the shuttle? Did you see him? Cassie smiles sweetly and gets back on the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind her. Apollo: (moving among the children, searching) Boxey isn’t here. Jolly: (also moving through the crowd, checking off numbers from the list, then turning to Reese, one of the security officers) Say, Reese, mind helping me out here? I seem to be a little short... Reese: (studying Jolly’s bulk) Surely you’re joking. Jolly: Don’t call me Surly, I’m Jolly. Apollo: (peering around Jolly’s shoulder, now also studying list) Hmm, from the looks of this list, we’re still missing about 25 kids. And Bor. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is xey’s still one of them. Reese: Aren’t we also missing Sheba? Wasn’t my new girlfriend one of your pilots? (smug look at Apollo, who scowls back) Jolly: Oh, yeah, about the pilots....well, let’s find the kids first. Any suggestions? Apollo shrugs. Reese: (pulling his laser pistol and gestures at the rest of the security force standing around) There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic. Apollo quickly draws his own laser, looking suspicious and ready to take Reese on in a heartbeat. The children look on avidly. Jolly: Reese! Isn’t that a little too drastic? Reese: You know your kids, Jolly. What do you think? Jolly: (drawing a deep breath) I guess you’re right. (pulling his own laser and checking it) Yup, you’re right, the kids got to ‘em again. Apollo aims at the ceiling; a spray of scented, colored water shoots out, super-soaker style. Child Chorus: (drawing their own water lasers from pockets, backpack, etc.) Yay! Water fight, water fight! For a mompainting, modeling, coloring, and otherwise being artistic – and showing as much of it as possible to Athena, who keeps trying unsuccessfully to escape the mob. Cassie steps out of the shuttle, glances about approvingly, and joins Jolly. Cassie: Here – I made a list of the children we brought with us today; check them off as you find them. Jolly: Okay. Say, isn’t Starbuck on the shuttle? Did you see him? Cassie smiles sweetly and gets back on the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind her. Apollo: (moving among the children, searching) Boxey isn’t here. Jolly: (also moving through the crowd, checking off numbers from the list, then turning to Reese, one of the security officers) Say, Reese, mind helping me out here? I seem to be a little short... Reese: (studying Jolly’s bulk) Surely you’re joking. Jolly: Don’t call me Surly, I’m Jolly. Apollo: (peering around Jolly’s shoulder, now also studying list) Hmm, from the looks of this list, we’re still missing about 25 kids. And Boxey’s still one of them. Reese: Aren’t we also missing Sheba? Wasn’t my new girlfriend one of your pilots? (smug look at Apollo, who scowls back) Jolly: Oh, yeah, about the pilots....well, let’s find the kids first. Any suggestions? Apollo shrugs. Reese: (pulling his laser pistol and gestures at the rest of the security force standing around) There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic. Apollo quickly draws his own laser, looking suspicious and ready to take Reese on in a heartbeat. The children look on avidly. Jolly: Reese! Isn’t that a little too drastic? Reese: You know your kids, Jolly. What do you think? Jolly: (drawing a deep breath) I guess you’re right. (pulling his own laser and checking it) Yup, you’re right, the kids got to ‘em again. Apollo aims at the ceiling; a spray of scented, colored water shoots out, super-soaker style. Child Chorus: (drawing their own water lasers from pockets, backpack, etc.) Yay! Water fight, water fight! For a momese: You know, Apollo, it’s no wonder Sheba dumped you for me. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about your first wife? Jolly: (hastily) Well, I think I’ll be going on – I’ll be back later for the rest. Good luck with finding them – oh, and you may want to have Boomer and Wilker check on the engines, little #98 really thinks he’s a hotshot with the electronic stuff, and he’s one of the missing... Reese: Hey, wait a minute, what about Sheba? The hatch slams shut in his face, leaving Apollo and Reese soaked, alone, and glaring at each other. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Who let the Cylon Raiders into the bay?" ***"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Zara on IFB -- and we're happy to report a true miracle in intra-fleet broadcasting -- our first series to last a full secton! We know you celebrate with us, and that you'll really enjoy tonight's special milestone event..."*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episodeese: You know, Apollo, it’s no wonder Sheba dumped you for me. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about your first wife? Jolly: (hastily) Well, I think I’ll be going on – I’ll be back later for the rest. Good luck with finding them – oh, and you may want to have Boomer and Wilker check on the engines, little #98 really thinks he’s a hotshot with the electronic stuff, and he’s one of the missing... Reese: Hey, wait a minute, what about Sheba? The hatch slams shut in his face, leaving Apollo and Reese soaked, alone, and glaring at each other. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Who let the Cylon Raiders into the bay?" ***"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Zara on IFB -- and we're happy to report a true miracle in intra-fleet broadcasting -- our first series to last a full secton! We know you celebrate with us, and that you'll really enjoy tonight's special milestone event..."*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episodeit, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So nent, pendemonium reigns supreme as the entire bay is hosed down with variously perfumed ammo from about a hundred kids, two warriors, and half a dozen security officers armed with super-laser-soakers, laser-water-pistols, turbo-water-balloons, etc. Athena takes the brunt of the soaking until, unarmed and unable to defend herself, she finally flees the bay. The walls and ceiling get their share too, and the children’s painted artwork runs down the walls like blood in a really bad b-grade horror movie. Cassie: (stepping out of the shuttle again) Stop! At her ringing command, all activity ceases. Child # 15: Oh-oh, it’s Mama Cass... Child # 88: No mushies tonight... Cassie: Into the shuttle! The children line up in front of the shuttle and start filing in. Apollo: (just as soaked and scented as everybody else) But what about the ones still missing? I mean, I’ll keep Boxey, I don’t have any choice about that since Serina made me adopt him or be locked out of her quarters... Rexey’s still one of them. Reese: Aren’t we also missing Sheba? Wasn’t my new girlfriend one of your pilots? (smug look at Apollo, who scowls back) Jolly: Oh, yeah, about the pilots....well, let’s find the kids first. Any suggestions? Apollo shrugs. Reese: (pulling his laser pistol and gestures at the rest of the security force standing around) There’s no choice. We have to do something drastic. Apollo quickly draws his own laser, looking suspicious and ready to take Reese on in a heartbeat. The children look on avidly. Jolly: Reese! Isn’t that a little too drastic? Reese: You know your kids, Jolly. What do you think? Jolly: (drawing a deep breath) I guess you’re right. (pulling his own laser and checking it) Yup, you’re right, the kids got to ‘em again. Apollo aims at the ceiling; a spray of scented, colored water shoots out, super-soaker style. Child Chorus: (drawing their own water lasers from pockets, backpack, etc.) Yay! Water fight, water fight! For a mom 7 Scene: aboard the shuttle, Jolly and Cassie are about to launch from the Galactica bay, having rounded up about as many of the kids as they figure they can manage at one shot. Sheba is still trussed up like a Kobolian mummy, primarily because she ticked off Cassie and now Cassie won’t unwrap her. Starbuck is sprawled on the floor, semi-conscious and murmuring to himself. Children are everywhere. Child Chorus (hopefully) Mushies? Mushies? Cassie: (severely) What did I tell you about being good? Child Chorus: (chastened) No good, no mushies... Cassie: Right. (Suddenly smiling) But if you all settle down and behave on the way back, and then take a good nap when we get back to the Cassie and Jolly Ship, you might – just might, mind you – get mushies for desert tonight! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... Cassie holds up a warning finger, and the children immediately shut up politely and finish strapping themselves in to their seats, looking for all the universe 7 Scene: aboard the shuttle, Jolly and Cassie are about to launch from the Galactica bay, having rounded up about as many of the kids as they figure they can manage at one shot. Sheba is still trussed up like a Kobolian mummy, primarily because she ticked off Cassie and now Cassie won’t unwrap her. Starbuck is sprawled on the floor, semi-conscious and murmuring to himself. Children are everywhere. Child Chorus (hopefully) Mushies? Mushies? Cassie: (severely) What did I tell you about being good? Child Chorus: (chastened) No good, no mushies... Cassie: Right. (Suddenly smiling) But if you all settle down and behave on the way back, and then take a good nap when we get back to the Cassie and Jolly Ship, you might – just might, mind you – get mushies for desert tonight! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... Cassie holds up a warning finger, and the children immediately shut up politely and finish strapping themselves in to their seats, looking for all the universe ent, pendemonium reigns supreme as the entire bay is hosed down with variously perfumed ammo from about a hundred kids, two warriors, and half a dozen security officers armed with super-laser-soakers, laser-water-pistols, turbo-water-balloons, etc. Athena takes the brunt of the soaking until, unarmed and unable to defend herself, she finally flees the bay. The walls and ceiling get their share too, and the children’s painted artwork runs down the walls like blood in a really bad b-grade horror movie. Cassie: (stepping out of the shuttle again) Stop! At her ringing command, all activity ceases. Child # 15: Oh-oh, it’s Mama Cass... Child # 88: No mushies tonight... Cassie: Into the shuttle! The children line up in front of the shuttle and start filing in. Apollo: (just as soaked and scented as everybody else) But what about the ones still missing? I mean, I’ll keep Boxey, I don’t have any choice about that since Serina made me adopt him or be locked out of her quarters... Reese: You know, Apollo, it’s no wonder Sheba dumped you for me. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about your first wife? Jolly: (hastily) Well, I think I’ll be going on – I’ll be back later for the rest. Good luck with finding them – oh, and you may want to have Boomer and Wilker check on the engines, little #98 really thinks he’s a hotshot with the electronic stuff, and he’s one of the missing... Reese: Hey, wait a minute, what about Sheba? The hatch slams shut in his face, leaving Apollo and Reese soaked, alone, and glaring at each other. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Who let the Cylon Raiders into the bay?" ***"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Zara on IFB -- and we're happy to report a true miracle in intra-fleet broadcasting -- our first series to last a full secton! We know you celebrate with us, and that you'll really enjoy tonight's special milestone event..."*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episodeow it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tinient, pendemonium reigns supreme as the entire bay is hosed down with variously perfumed ammo from about a hundred kids, two warriors, and half a dozen security officers armed with super-laser-soakers, laser-water-pistols, turbo-water-balloons, etc. Athena takes the brunt of the soaking until, unarmed and unable to defend herself, she finally flees the bay. The walls and ceiling get their share too, and the children’s painted artwork runs down the walls like blood in a really bad b-grade horror movie. Cassie: (stepping out of the shuttle again) Stop! At her ringing command, all activity ceases. Child # 15: Oh-oh, it’s Mama Cass... Child # 88: No mushies tonight... Cassie: Into the shuttle! The children line up in front of the shuttle and start filing in. Apollo: (just as soaked and scented as everybody else) But what about the ones still missing? I mean, I’ll keep Boxey, I don’t have any choice about that since Serina made me adopt him or be locked out of her quarters... Reese: You know, Apollo, it’s no wonder Sheba dumped you for me. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about your first wife? Jolly: (hastily) Well, I think I’ll be going on – I’ll be back later for the rest. Good luck with finding them – oh, and you may want to have Boomer and Wilker check on the engines, little #98 really thinks he’s a hotshot with the electronic stuff, and he’s one of the missing... Reese: Hey, wait a minute, what about Sheba? The hatch slams shut in his face, leaving Apollo and Reese soaked, alone, and glaring at each other. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Who let the Cylon Raiders into the bay?" ***"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Zara on IFB -- and we're happy to report a true miracle in intra-fleet broadcasting -- our first series to last a full secton! We know you celebrate with us, and that you'll really enjoy tonight's special milestone event..."*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episodelike angels. She smiles fondly and heads to the main cabin to join Jolly. He’s already emptied the co-pilot’s seat for her – Sheba’s been dumped into one of the storage bins. Every few moments, we hear a brief unintelligible mutter from the bin, and her feet kick as she struggles to free herself from the mayday ribbons trussing her up like a .... you remember, right? Jolly: Well? Cassie: I think the games on the Galactica let them use up their energy without making them over tired. They should sleep great tonight. Jolly: That’ll be a change. I don’t know how many times I can read "Goodnight, Caprican Moon" before my voice goes. Cassie: Then you’ll just have to play the pipes, won’t you? They laugh conspiratorially. Jolly: By the way, I noticed Starbuck sprawled out on the floor – the kids kept walking on him, and I nearly tripped over him. What happened? Cassie: (smiling benignly) Why, nothing serious. He just happened to run onto the shuttle when I just happened to be piclike angels. She smiles fondly and heads to the main cabin to join Jolly. He’s already emptied the co-pilot’s seat for her – Sheba’s been dumped into one of the storage bins. Every few moments, we hear a brief unintelligible mutter from the bin, and her feet kick as she struggles to free herself from the mayday ribbons trussing her up like a .... you remember, right? Jolly: Well? Cassie: I think the games on the Galactica let them use up their energy without making them over tired. They should sleep great tonight. Jolly: That’ll be a change. I don’t know how many times I can read "Goodnight, Caprican Moon" before my voice goes. Cassie: Then you’ll just have to play the pipes, won’t you? They laugh conspiratorially. Jolly: By the way, I noticed Starbuck sprawled out on the floor – the kids kept walking on him, and I nearly tripped over him. What happened? Cassie: (smiling benignly) Why, nothing serious. He just happened to run onto the shuttle when I just happened to be pic 7 Scene: aboard the shuttle, Jolly and Cassie are about to launch from the Galactica bay, having rounded up about as many of the kids as they figure they can manage at one shot. Sheba is still trussed up like a Kobolian mummy, primarily because she ticked off Cassie and now Cassie won’t unwrap her. Starbuck is sprawled on the floor, semi-conscious and murmuring to himself. Children are everywhere. Child Chorus (hopefully) Mushies? Mushies? Cassie: (severely) What did I tell you about being good? Child Chorus: (chastened) No good, no mushies... Cassie: Right. (Suddenly smiling) But if you all settle down and behave on the way back, and then take a good nap when we get back to the Cassie and Jolly Ship, you might – just might, mind you – get mushies for desert tonight! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... Cassie holds up a warning finger, and the children immediately shut up politely and finish strapping themselves in to their seats, looking for all the universe a: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for these: You know, Apollo, it’s no wonder Sheba dumped you for me. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about your first wife? Jolly: (hastily) Well, I think I’ll be going on – I’ll be back later for the rest. Good luck with finding them – oh, and you may want to have Boomer and Wilker check on the engines, little #98 really thinks he’s a hotshot with the electronic stuff, and he’s one of the missing... Reese: Hey, wait a minute, what about Sheba? The hatch slams shut in his face, leaving Apollo and Reese soaked, alone, and glaring at each other. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Who let the Cylon Raiders into the bay?" ***"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Zara on IFB -- and we're happy to report a true miracle in intra-fleet broadcasting -- our first series to last a full secton! We know you celebrate with us, and that you'll really enjoy tonight's special milestone event..."*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 7 Scene: aboard the shuttle, Jolly and Cassie are about to launch from the Galactica bay, having rounded up about as many of the kids as they figure they can manage at one shot. Sheba is still trussed up like a Kobolian mummy, primarily because she ticked off Cassie and now Cassie won’t unwrap her. Starbuck is sprawled on the floor, semi-conscious and murmuring to himself. Children are everywhere. Child Chorus (hopefully) Mushies? Mushies? Cassie: (severely) What did I tell you about being good? Child Chorus: (chastened) No good, no mushies... Cassie: Right. (Suddenly smiling) But if you all settle down and behave on the way back, and then take a good nap when we get back to the Cassie and Jolly Ship, you might – just might, mind you – get mushies for desert tonight! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... Cassie holds up a warning finger, and the children immediately shut up politely and finish strapping themselves in to their seats, looking for all the universe king up some of the kids’ sports equipment. Jolly: Oh, I see – the space-hockey pucks? Cassie: Among other things. Jolly: What other things? Cassie: Oh, the turbo-bats, the triad-boxing gloves, a half-dozen or so super-heavy boomer-angsts, a few other things... Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, Starbuck has begun to stir after his close encounter with Cassie’s perfectly-aimed space-hockey pucks and turbo-bats. Starbuck: Oooh...who let the Cylons Raiders into the bay? And why are they using my head for target practice? An assortment of giggles greets his questions. Starbuck: (blinking and sitting up, then staring blearily around at the sweet, polite children) I’m in hades... I’ve been condemned to be a perpetual babysitter... Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker from pilot’s cabin) I said, if it isn’t quiet back there, we’re turning around... Starbuck: (panicking) But I want to go back! Do it, do it! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) Sorry, this is a one-way, and there’s nking up some of the kids’ sports equipment. Jolly: Oh, I see – the space-hockey pucks? Cassie: Among other things. Jolly: What other things? Cassie: Oh, the turbo-bats, the triad-boxing gloves, a half-dozen or so super-heavy boomer-angsts, a few other things... Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, Starbuck has begun to stir after his close encounter with Cassie’s perfectly-aimed space-hockey pucks and turbo-bats. Starbuck: Oooh...who let the Cylons Raiders into the bay? And why are they using my head for target practice? An assortment of giggles greets his questions. Starbuck: (blinking and sitting up, then staring blearily around at the sweet, polite children) I’m in hades... I’ve been condemned to be a perpetual babysitter... Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker from pilot’s cabin) I said, if it isn’t quiet back there, we’re turning around... Starbuck: (panicking) But I want to go back! Do it, do it! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) Sorry, this is a one-way, and there’s nlike angels. She smiles fondly and heads to the main cabin to join Jolly. He’s already emptied the co-pilot’s seat for her – Sheba’s been dumped into one of the storage bins. Every few moments, we hear a brief unintelligible mutter from the bin, and her feet kick as she struggles to free herself from the mayday ribbons trussing her up like a .... you remember, right? Jolly: Well? Cassie: I think the games on the Galactica let them use up their energy without making them over tired. They should sleep great tonight. Jolly: That’ll be a change. I don’t know how many times I can read "Goodnight, Caprican Moon" before my voice goes. Cassie: Then you’ll just have to play the pipes, won’t you? They laugh conspiratorially. Jolly: By the way, I noticed Starbuck sprawled out on the floor – the kids kept walking on him, and I nearly tripped over him. What happened? Cassie: (smiling benignly) Why, nothing serious. He just happened to run onto the shuttle when I just happened to be picat video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, a 7 Scene: aboard the shuttle, Jolly and Cassie are about to launch from the Galactica bay, having rounded up about as many of the kids as they figure they can manage at one shot. Sheba is still trussed up like a Kobolian mummy, primarily because she ticked off Cassie and now Cassie won’t unwrap her. Starbuck is sprawled on the floor, semi-conscious and murmuring to himself. Children are everywhere. Child Chorus (hopefully) Mushies? Mushies? Cassie: (severely) What did I tell you about being good? Child Chorus: (chastened) No good, no mushies... Cassie: Right. (Suddenly smiling) But if you all settle down and behave on the way back, and then take a good nap when we get back to the Cassie and Jolly Ship, you might – just might, mind you – get mushies for desert tonight! Child Chorus: Yay! Mushies, mushies, mushies... Cassie holds up a warning finger, and the children immediately shut up politely and finish strapping themselves in to their seats, looking for all the universe like angels. She smiles fondly and heads to the main cabin to join Jolly. He’s already emptied the co-pilot’s seat for her – Sheba’s been dumped into one of the storage bins. Every few moments, we hear a brief unintelligible mutter from the bin, and her feet kick as she struggles to free herself from the mayday ribbons trussing her up like a .... you remember, right? Jolly: Well? Cassie: I think the games on the Galactica let them use up their energy without making them over tired. They should sleep great tonight. Jolly: That’ll be a change. I don’t know how many times I can read "Goodnight, Caprican Moon" before my voice goes. Cassie: Then you’ll just have to play the pipes, won’t you? They laugh conspiratorially. Jolly: By the way, I noticed Starbuck sprawled out on the floor – the kids kept walking on him, and I nearly tripped over him. What happened? Cassie: (smiling benignly) Why, nothing serious. He just happened to run onto the shuttle when I just happened to be pico return! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Be quiet or we’ll turn around! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) We’re not turning around! We’re landing in the white zone on the Formerly Orphan Ship! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Oh, I know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with the white zone! Starbuck: (Jumps to his feet and begins clicking his bootheels together.) There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Father, I have a confession to make..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 8 Scene: The Galactica landing bay, strangely empty and silent now that the kids are gone and the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie Ship has launched. The walls and deck are a riot of color and a cacophony of scents, not to mention slippery as hades -- there was oil in some of those paints and turbo-water-balloons. Apollo: Somebody’s going to have to clean this up..o return! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Be quiet or we’ll turn around! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) We’re not turning around! We’re landing in the white zone on the Formerly Orphan Ship! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Oh, I know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with the white zone! Starbuck: (Jumps to his feet and begins clicking his bootheels together.) There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Father, I have a confession to make..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 8 Scene: The Galactica landing bay, strangely empty and silent now that the kids are gone and the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie Ship has launched. The walls and deck are a riot of color and a cacophony of scents, not to mention slippery as hades -- there was oil in some of those paints and turbo-water-balloons. Apollo: Somebody’s going to have to clean this up..king up some of the kids’ sports equipment. Jolly: Oh, I see – the space-hockey pucks? Cassie: Among other things. Jolly: What other things? Cassie: Oh, the turbo-bats, the triad-boxing gloves, a half-dozen or so super-heavy boomer-angsts, a few other things... Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, Starbuck has begun to stir after his close encounter with Cassie’s perfectly-aimed space-hockey pucks and turbo-bats. Starbuck: Oooh...who let the Cylons Raiders into the bay? And why are they using my head for target practice? An assortment of giggles greets his questions. Starbuck: (blinking and sitting up, then staring blearily around at the sweet, polite children) I’m in hades... I’ve been condemned to be a perpetual babysitter... Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker from pilot’s cabin) I said, if it isn’t quiet back there, we’re turning around... Starbuck: (panicking) But I want to go back! Do it, do it! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) Sorry, this is a one-way, and there’s nnd I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gamblinlike angels. She smiles fondly and heads to the main cabin to join Jolly. He’s already emptied the co-pilot’s seat for her – Sheba’s been dumped into one of the storage bins. Every few moments, we hear a brief unintelligible mutter from the bin, and her feet kick as she struggles to free herself from the mayday ribbons trussing her up like a .... you remember, right? Jolly: Well? Cassie: I think the games on the Galactica let them use up their energy without making them over tired. They should sleep great tonight. Jolly: That’ll be a change. I don’t know how many times I can read "Goodnight, Caprican Moon" before my voice goes. Cassie: Then you’ll just have to play the pipes, won’t you? They laugh conspiratorially. Jolly: By the way, I noticed Starbuck sprawled out on the floor – the kids kept walking on him, and I nearly tripped over him. What happened? Cassie: (smiling benignly) Why, nothing serious. He just happened to run onto the shuttle when I just happened to be picking up some of the kids’ sports equipment. Jolly: Oh, I see – the space-hockey pucks? Cassie: Among other things. Jolly: What other things? Cassie: Oh, the turbo-bats, the triad-boxing gloves, a half-dozen or so super-heavy boomer-angsts, a few other things... Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, Starbuck has begun to stir after his close encounter with Cassie’s perfectly-aimed space-hockey pucks and turbo-bats. Starbuck: Oooh...who let the Cylons Raiders into the bay? And why are they using my head for target practice? An assortment of giggles greets his questions. Starbuck: (blinking and sitting up, then staring blearily around at the sweet, polite children) I’m in hades... I’ve been condemned to be a perpetual babysitter... Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker from pilot’s cabin) I said, if it isn’t quiet back there, we’re turning around... Starbuck: (panicking) But I want to go back! Do it, do it! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) Sorry, this is a one-way, and there’s n. Reese: Well, don’t take it personally if I leave, but I was never much for scrub duty... Adama and Boomer enter the bay. Adama: Stop right there, Reese. You’ll be grabbing a brush along with the rest of Beta Company, and swabbing this deck! Reese: (pouting) Drat! Adama and Boomer turn to Apollo. Adama: Apollo, there’s been an emergency. Apollo: What is it, Father?" Adama: Our main energizers have suddenly gone off line, and the battlestar’s engines have gone into idle mode, and we can’t figure out why or how to get them started again. Apollo glances at Reese, who starts to smirk. Reese: Gee, it wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids– Apollo: Shut up, Reese. (Turns to Adama) Father, I have confession to make... Adama: And how long has it been since your last confession, my son? Apollo: Well, since the time I took that experimental Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy, and blamed it on Boomer, but that’s not important . Reese: Well, don’t take it personally if I leave, but I was never much for scrub duty... Adama and Boomer enter the bay. Adama: Stop right there, Reese. You’ll be grabbing a brush along with the rest of Beta Company, and swabbing this deck! Reese: (pouting) Drat! Adama and Boomer turn to Apollo. Adama: Apollo, there’s been an emergency. Apollo: What is it, Father?" Adama: Our main energizers have suddenly gone off line, and the battlestar’s engines have gone into idle mode, and we can’t figure out why or how to get them started again. Apollo glances at Reese, who starts to smirk. Reese: Gee, it wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids– Apollo: Shut up, Reese. (Turns to Adama) Father, I have confession to make... Adama: And how long has it been since your last confession, my son? Apollo: Well, since the time I took that experimental Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy, and blamed it on Boomer, but that’s not important o return! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Be quiet or we’ll turn around! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) We’re not turning around! We’re landing in the white zone on the Formerly Orphan Ship! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Oh, I know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with the white zone! Starbuck: (Jumps to his feet and begins clicking his bootheels together.) There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Father, I have a confession to make..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 8 Scene: The Galactica landing bay, strangely empty and silent now that the kids are gone and the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie Ship has launched. The walls and deck are a riot of color and a cacophony of scents, not to mention slippery as hades -- there was oil in some of those paints and turbo-water-balloons. Apollo: Somebody’s going to have to clean this up..g systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising Sking up some of the kids’ sports equipment. Jolly: Oh, I see – the space-hockey pucks? Cassie: Among other things. Jolly: What other things? Cassie: Oh, the turbo-bats, the triad-boxing gloves, a half-dozen or so super-heavy boomer-angsts, a few other things... Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, Starbuck has begun to stir after his close encounter with Cassie’s perfectly-aimed space-hockey pucks and turbo-bats. Starbuck: Oooh...who let the Cylons Raiders into the bay? And why are they using my head for target practice? An assortment of giggles greets his questions. Starbuck: (blinking and sitting up, then staring blearily around at the sweet, polite children) I’m in hades... I’ve been condemned to be a perpetual babysitter... Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker from pilot’s cabin) I said, if it isn’t quiet back there, we’re turning around... Starbuck: (panicking) But I want to go back! Do it, do it! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) Sorry, this is a one-way, and there’s no return! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Be quiet or we’ll turn around! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) We’re not turning around! We’re landing in the white zone on the Formerly Orphan Ship! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Oh, I know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with the white zone! Starbuck: (Jumps to his feet and begins clicking his bootheels together.) There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Father, I have a confession to make..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 8 Scene: The Galactica landing bay, strangely empty and silent now that the kids are gone and the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie Ship has launched. The walls and deck are a riot of color and a cacophony of scents, not to mention slippery as hades -- there was oil in some of those paints and turbo-water-balloons. Apollo: Somebody’s going to have to clean this up..right now... Boomer: (outraged) You did that? And you blamed me? I nearly got expelled for that! Apollo: Boomer, this is no time to dwell on the past! Boomer: Oh, yeah? Says you! Adama: (cutting in) Warriors, save this for later. Apollo, what did you want to confess? Apollo: (Tugging at collar) Uh...uh... Well, it seems Jolly and Cassie had to leave before we could round up all the kids...and a few of them were left here on the Galactica...including one with a propensity for engineering and electronics... Adama: (sternly) Are you saying our current situation could be the result of some of those children being turned loose on this ship and getting into secured areas that are guarded and are shut off from the rest of the ship by force screens and are potentially full of deadly radiation? Apollo: Well, it could be... Reese: (Smugly, needing to get his two cubits in and put his foot where it’s not wanted) Oh, Cassie’s gonna love that. Oh, and isn’t Boxey’s one of them? right now... Boomer: (outraged) You did that? And you blamed me? I nearly got expelled for that! Apollo: Boomer, this is no time to dwell on the past! Boomer: Oh, yeah? Says you! Adama: (cutting in) Warriors, save this for later. Apollo, what did you want to confess? Apollo: (Tugging at collar) Uh...uh... Well, it seems Jolly and Cassie had to leave before we could round up all the kids...and a few of them were left here on the Galactica...including one with a propensity for engineering and electronics... Adama: (sternly) Are you saying our current situation could be the result of some of those children being turned loose on this ship and getting into secured areas that are guarded and are shut off from the rest of the ship by force screens and are potentially full of deadly radiation? Apollo: Well, it could be... Reese: (Smugly, needing to get his two cubits in and put his foot where it’s not wanted) Oh, Cassie’s gonna love that. Oh, and isn’t Boxey’s one of them? . Reese: Well, don’t take it personally if I leave, but I was never much for scrub duty... Adama and Boomer enter the bay. Adama: Stop right there, Reese. You’ll be grabbing a brush along with the rest of Beta Company, and swabbing this deck! Reese: (pouting) Drat! Adama and Boomer turn to Apollo. Adama: Apollo, there’s been an emergency. Apollo: What is it, Father?" Adama: Our main energizers have suddenly gone off line, and the battlestar’s engines have gone into idle mode, and we can’t figure out why or how to get them started again. Apollo glances at Reese, who starts to smirk. Reese: Gee, it wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids– Apollo: Shut up, Reese. (Turns to Adama) Father, I have confession to make... Adama: And how long has it been since your last confession, my son? Apollo: Well, since the time I took that experimental Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy, and blamed it on Boomer, but that’s not important tar. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and o return! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Be quiet or we’ll turn around! Jolly: (Voice over loudspeaker) We’re not turning around! We’re landing in the white zone on the Formerly Orphan Ship! Cassie: (Voice over loudspeaker) Oh, I know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with the white zone! Starbuck: (Jumps to his feet and begins clicking his bootheels together.) There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Father, I have a confession to make..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 8 Scene: The Galactica landing bay, strangely empty and silent now that the kids are gone and the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie Ship has launched. The walls and deck are a riot of color and a cacophony of scents, not to mention slippery as hades -- there was oil in some of those paints and turbo-water-balloons. Apollo: Somebody’s going to have to clean this up... Reese: Well, don’t take it personally if I leave, but I was never much for scrub duty... Adama and Boomer enter the bay. Adama: Stop right there, Reese. You’ll be grabbing a brush along with the rest of Beta Company, and swabbing this deck! Reese: (pouting) Drat! Adama and Boomer turn to Apollo. Adama: Apollo, there’s been an emergency. Apollo: What is it, Father?" Adama: Our main energizers have suddenly gone off line, and the battlestar’s engines have gone into idle mode, and we can’t figure out why or how to get them started again. Apollo glances at Reese, who starts to smirk. Reese: Gee, it wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids– Apollo: Shut up, Reese. (Turns to Adama) Father, I have confession to make... Adama: And how long has it been since your last confession, my son? Apollo: Well, since the time I took that experimental Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy, and blamed it on Boomer, but that’s not important Adama: (Glaring like the sun off an iceberg in the Arctic Ocean on the day of summer solstice) Officer Reese, you are dismissed – report back here with a mop and bucket, immediately. And while you’re at it, instruct all your security officers to come back to the bay and join you – at my order and with your compliments. Reese: (Making choking sounds) They’ll space me! Apollo: (Aside, more cheered) It’ll save me the trouble. Reese leaves, dragging his feet. Adama: (Turning to Apollo) And how do you plan to remedy the situation, Captain? Apollo: (Glancing desperately at Boomer) Hey, Boomer’s a whiz at that sort of stuff! Maybe he can fix it! Boomer: What? Apollo: Come on, buddy, you’re my only hope! Otherwise the Commander might space me! Boomer: Oh sure, whenever you’re in trouble, call on reliable old Boomer. Need somebody to take the fall? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save your sister? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save Starbuck’s butt? Call Boomer. Need somebody– Adama: (Glaring like the sun off an iceberg in the Arctic Ocean on the day of summer solstice) Officer Reese, you are dismissed – report back here with a mop and bucket, immediately. And while you’re at it, instruct all your security officers to come back to the bay and join you – at my order and with your compliments. Reese: (Making choking sounds) They’ll space me! Apollo: (Aside, more cheered) It’ll save me the trouble. Reese leaves, dragging his feet. Adama: (Turning to Apollo) And how do you plan to remedy the situation, Captain? Apollo: (Glancing desperately at Boomer) Hey, Boomer’s a whiz at that sort of stuff! Maybe he can fix it! Boomer: What? Apollo: Come on, buddy, you’re my only hope! Otherwise the Commander might space me! Boomer: Oh sure, whenever you’re in trouble, call on reliable old Boomer. Need somebody to take the fall? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save your sister? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save Starbuck’s butt? Call Boomer. Need somebody–right now... Boomer: (outraged) You did that? And you blamed me? I nearly got expelled for that! Apollo: Boomer, this is no time to dwell on the past! Boomer: Oh, yeah? Says you! Adama: (cutting in) Warriors, save this for later. Apollo, what did you want to confess? Apollo: (Tugging at collar) Uh...uh... Well, it seems Jolly and Cassie had to leave before we could round up all the kids...and a few of them were left here on the Galactica...including one with a propensity for engineering and electronics... Adama: (sternly) Are you saying our current situation could be the result of some of those children being turned loose on this ship and getting into secured areas that are guarded and are shut off from the rest of the ship by force screens and are potentially full of deadly radiation? Apollo: Well, it could be... Reese: (Smugly, needing to get his two cubits in and put his foot where it’s not wanted) Oh, Cassie’s gonna love that. Oh, and isn’t Boxey’s one of them? I can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad ide. Reese: Well, don’t take it personally if I leave, but I was never much for scrub duty... Adama and Boomer enter the bay. Adama: Stop right there, Reese. You’ll be grabbing a brush along with the rest of Beta Company, and swabbing this deck! Reese: (pouting) Drat! Adama and Boomer turn to Apollo. Adama: Apollo, there’s been an emergency. Apollo: What is it, Father?" Adama: Our main energizers have suddenly gone off line, and the battlestar’s engines have gone into idle mode, and we can’t figure out why or how to get them started again. Apollo glances at Reese, who starts to smirk. Reese: Gee, it wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids– Apollo: Shut up, Reese. (Turns to Adama) Father, I have confession to make... Adama: And how long has it been since your last confession, my son? Apollo: Well, since the time I took that experimental Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy, and blamed it on Boomer, but that’s not important right now... Boomer: (outraged) You did that? And you blamed me? I nearly got expelled for that! Apollo: Boomer, this is no time to dwell on the past! Boomer: Oh, yeah? Says you! Adama: (cutting in) Warriors, save this for later. Apollo, what did you want to confess? Apollo: (Tugging at collar) Uh...uh... Well, it seems Jolly and Cassie had to leave before we could round up all the kids...and a few of them were left here on the Galactica...including one with a propensity for engineering and electronics... Adama: (sternly) Are you saying our current situation could be the result of some of those children being turned loose on this ship and getting into secured areas that are guarded and are shut off from the rest of the ship by force screens and are potentially full of deadly radiation? Apollo: Well, it could be... Reese: (Smugly, needing to get his two cubits in and put his foot where it’s not wanted) Oh, Cassie’s gonna love that. Oh, and isn’t Boxey’s one of them? Adama: (Breaking in) By the way, Boomer, I’ve been meaning to ask you – just what are your intentions toward my daughter? Boomer: Huh? Well, I, uh... Hey, you never asked Starbuck that question! Adama: Didn’t have to. I could assume the worst. Now, about Athena? Boomer scratches his head, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out again, and the bay is plunged into total darkness. Adama, Apollo, and Boomer: Boxey! When we get our hands on you...! Somewhere in the darkness, is heard the menacing giggle of children... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 9 Scene: The engine room of the Galactica, where the mayday twiners have done it again. Two engineers and four security guards are wrapped in ribbons like the traditional Kobolian mummies. Among the mummy-wrapped adults are approximately Adama: (Breaking in) By the way, Boomer, I’ve been meaning to ask you – just what are your intentions toward my daughter? Boomer: Huh? Well, I, uh... Hey, you never asked Starbuck that question! Adama: Didn’t have to. I could assume the worst. Now, about Athena? Boomer scratches his head, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out again, and the bay is plunged into total darkness. Adama, Apollo, and Boomer: Boxey! When we get our hands on you...! Somewhere in the darkness, is heard the menacing giggle of children... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 9 Scene: The engine room of the Galactica, where the mayday twiners have done it again. Two engineers and four security guards are wrapped in ribbons like the traditional Kobolian mummies. Among the mummy-wrapped adults are approximately Adama: (Glaring like the sun off an iceberg in the Arctic Ocean on the day of summer solstice) Officer Reese, you are dismissed – report back here with a mop and bucket, immediately. And while you’re at it, instruct all your security officers to come back to the bay and join you – at my order and with your compliments. Reese: (Making choking sounds) They’ll space me! Apollo: (Aside, more cheered) It’ll save me the trouble. Reese leaves, dragging his feet. Adama: (Turning to Apollo) And how do you plan to remedy the situation, Captain? Apollo: (Glancing desperately at Boomer) Hey, Boomer’s a whiz at that sort of stuff! Maybe he can fix it! Boomer: What? Apollo: Come on, buddy, you’re my only hope! Otherwise the Commander might space me! Boomer: Oh sure, whenever you’re in trouble, call on reliable old Boomer. Need somebody to take the fall? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save your sister? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save Starbuck’s butt? Call Boomer. Need somebody–a! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am tellright now... Boomer: (outraged) You did that? And you blamed me? I nearly got expelled for that! Apollo: Boomer, this is no time to dwell on the past! Boomer: Oh, yeah? Says you! Adama: (cutting in) Warriors, save this for later. Apollo, what did you want to confess? Apollo: (Tugging at collar) Uh...uh... Well, it seems Jolly and Cassie had to leave before we could round up all the kids...and a few of them were left here on the Galactica...including one with a propensity for engineering and electronics... Adama: (sternly) Are you saying our current situation could be the result of some of those children being turned loose on this ship and getting into secured areas that are guarded and are shut off from the rest of the ship by force screens and are potentially full of deadly radiation? Apollo: Well, it could be... Reese: (Smugly, needing to get his two cubits in and put his foot where it’s not wanted) Oh, Cassie’s gonna love that. Oh, and isn’t Boxey’s one of them? Adama: (Glaring like the sun off an iceberg in the Arctic Ocean on the day of summer solstice) Officer Reese, you are dismissed – report back here with a mop and bucket, immediately. And while you’re at it, instruct all your security officers to come back to the bay and join you – at my order and with your compliments. Reese: (Making choking sounds) They’ll space me! Apollo: (Aside, more cheered) It’ll save me the trouble. Reese leaves, dragging his feet. Adama: (Turning to Apollo) And how do you plan to remedy the situation, Captain? Apollo: (Glancing desperately at Boomer) Hey, Boomer’s a whiz at that sort of stuff! Maybe he can fix it! Boomer: What? Apollo: Come on, buddy, you’re my only hope! Otherwise the Commander might space me! Boomer: Oh sure, whenever you’re in trouble, call on reliable old Boomer. Need somebody to take the fall? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save your sister? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save Starbuck’s butt? Call Boomer. Need somebody–a dozen children, playing tag and assorted children’s games. Boxey and Child #98 -- Child #98: Hey, can’t I have a name? Narrator: Sorry, Cassie and Jolly couldn’t come up with names for all eighteen hundred of you, so you’re stuck with a number. Child #98: But I used to have a name! I really did! I am a name, I am not a number! Narrator: Well, we could always make Child #2 be the electronics whiz... Child #98: No! It’s me, I’m the whiz, I’m the number... Narrator: Anyway, oh, yes, the scene, as I was saying, Boxey and Child #98 and a handful of others are tinkering away at various somethings in the extremely sophisticated and complicated engineering controls of the battlestar Galactica. Child #7: (Crawling out from a conduit and calling to others) Hey, #98, Boxey! I think I found the communications central command whatchamacallit! Boxey: (Blancing at #98) Is it hooked up to the computer thingamajiggy? Child #7: Uh, no, but it does have a bunch of extension cords leadia dozen children, playing tag and assorted children’s games. Boxey and Child #98 -- Child #98: Hey, can’t I have a name? Narrator: Sorry, Cassie and Jolly couldn’t come up with names for all eighteen hundred of you, so you’re stuck with a number. Child #98: But I used to have a name! I really did! I am a name, I am not a number! Narrator: Well, we could always make Child #2 be the electronics whiz... Child #98: No! It’s me, I’m the whiz, I’m the number... Narrator: Anyway, oh, yes, the scene, as I was saying, Boxey and Child #98 and a handful of others are tinkering away at various somethings in the extremely sophisticated and complicated engineering controls of the battlestar Galactica. Child #7: (Crawling out from a conduit and calling to others) Hey, #98, Boxey! I think I found the communications central command whatchamacallit! Boxey: (Blancing at #98) Is it hooked up to the computer thingamajiggy? Child #7: Uh, no, but it does have a bunch of extension cords leadi Adama: (Breaking in) By the way, Boomer, I’ve been meaning to ask you – just what are your intentions toward my daughter? Boomer: Huh? Well, I, uh... Hey, you never asked Starbuck that question! Adama: Didn’t have to. I could assume the worst. Now, about Athena? Boomer scratches his head, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out again, and the bay is plunged into total darkness. Adama, Apollo, and Boomer: Boxey! When we get our hands on you...! Somewhere in the darkness, is heard the menacing giggle of children... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 9 Scene: The engine room of the Galactica, where the mayday twiners have done it again. Two engineers and four security guards are wrapped in ribbons like the traditional Kobolian mummies. Among the mummy-wrapped adults are approximately ing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why Adama: (Glaring like the sun off an iceberg in the Arctic Ocean on the day of summer solstice) Officer Reese, you are dismissed – report back here with a mop and bucket, immediately. And while you’re at it, instruct all your security officers to come back to the bay and join you – at my order and with your compliments. Reese: (Making choking sounds) They’ll space me! Apollo: (Aside, more cheered) It’ll save me the trouble. Reese leaves, dragging his feet. Adama: (Turning to Apollo) And how do you plan to remedy the situation, Captain? Apollo: (Glancing desperately at Boomer) Hey, Boomer’s a whiz at that sort of stuff! Maybe he can fix it! Boomer: What? Apollo: Come on, buddy, you’re my only hope! Otherwise the Commander might space me! Boomer: Oh sure, whenever you’re in trouble, call on reliable old Boomer. Need somebody to take the fall? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save your sister? Call Boomer. Need somebody to save Starbuck’s butt? Call Boomer. Need somebody– Adama: (Breaking in) By the way, Boomer, I’ve been meaning to ask you – just what are your intentions toward my daughter? Boomer: Huh? Well, I, uh... Hey, you never asked Starbuck that question! Adama: Didn’t have to. I could assume the worst. Now, about Athena? Boomer scratches his head, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out again, and the bay is plunged into total darkness. Adama, Apollo, and Boomer: Boxey! When we get our hands on you...! Somewhere in the darkness, is heard the menacing giggle of children... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 9 Scene: The engine room of the Galactica, where the mayday twiners have done it again. Two engineers and four security guards are wrapped in ribbons like the traditional Kobolian mummies. Among the mummy-wrapped adults are approximately ng to the whatsit! Child #98 shakes his head. Boxey: That’s not it, then. We have to find the comm-cen-com whatchamacallit, or we can’t broadcast the demands of the Kiddie Liberation Front to the rest of the Fleet! Child #7: What are our demands, anyway? Boxey: Well, we all want to live on the Bakeryship, or else have the Bakeryship permanently attached to the Jolly and Cassie ship so we can always get mushies! Child #7: (puzzled) But how will that help you? You live on the Galactica! Boxey: Well, since Jolly and Cassie adopted every other orphan ship in the fleet, that’s going to be my other demand – that Captain Apollo’s adoption of me be stricken insofar as Serina failed to give formal written consent in a timely fashion at the time of their sealing, and therefore keeping me in his continuing care, custody, and control based on that marriage is in direct violation of Caprican Statute section five hundred thirty-seven, subdivision sixteen, subparagraph a, part vii, as interpng to the whatsit! Child #98 shakes his head. Boxey: That’s not it, then. We have to find the comm-cen-com whatchamacallit, or we can’t broadcast the demands of the Kiddie Liberation Front to the rest of the Fleet! Child #7: What are our demands, anyway? Boxey: Well, we all want to live on the Bakeryship, or else have the Bakeryship permanently attached to the Jolly and Cassie ship so we can always get mushies! Child #7: (puzzled) But how will that help you? You live on the Galactica! Boxey: Well, since Jolly and Cassie adopted every other orphan ship in the fleet, that’s going to be my other demand – that Captain Apollo’s adoption of me be stricken insofar as Serina failed to give formal written consent in a timely fashion at the time of their sealing, and therefore keeping me in his continuing care, custody, and control based on that marriage is in direct violation of Caprican Statute section five hundred thirty-seven, subdivision sixteen, subparagraph a, part vii, as interpa dozen children, playing tag and assorted children’s games. Boxey and Child #98 -- Child #98: Hey, can’t I have a name? Narrator: Sorry, Cassie and Jolly couldn’t come up with names for all eighteen hundred of you, so you’re stuck with a number. Child #98: But I used to have a name! I really did! I am a name, I am not a number! Narrator: Well, we could always make Child #2 be the electronics whiz... Child #98: No! It’s me, I’m the whiz, I’m the number... Narrator: Anyway, oh, yes, the scene, as I was saying, Boxey and Child #98 and a handful of others are tinkering away at various somethings in the extremely sophisticated and complicated engineering controls of the battlestar Galactica. Child #7: (Crawling out from a conduit and calling to others) Hey, #98, Boxey! I think I found the communications central command whatchamacallit! Boxey: (Blancing at #98) Is it hooked up to the computer thingamajiggy? Child #7: Uh, no, but it does have a bunch of extension cords leadido you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the Adama: (Breaking in) By the way, Boomer, I’ve been meaning to ask you – just what are your intentions toward my daughter? Boomer: Huh? Well, I, uh... Hey, you never asked Starbuck that question! Adama: Didn’t have to. I could assume the worst. Now, about Athena? Boomer scratches his head, trying to find an answer. Suddenly, the overhead lights go out again, and the bay is plunged into total darkness. Adama, Apollo, and Boomer: Boxey! When we get our hands on you...! Somewhere in the darkness, is heard the menacing giggle of children... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 9 Scene: The engine room of the Galactica, where the mayday twiners have done it again. Two engineers and four security guards are wrapped in ribbons like the traditional Kobolian mummies. Among the mummy-wrapped adults are approximately a dozen children, playing tag and assorted children’s games. Boxey and Child #98 -- Child #98: Hey, can’t I have a name? Narrator: Sorry, Cassie and Jolly couldn’t come up with names for all eighteen hundred of you, so you’re stuck with a number. Child #98: But I used to have a name! I really did! I am a name, I am not a number! Narrator: Well, we could always make Child #2 be the electronics whiz... Child #98: No! It’s me, I’m the whiz, I’m the number... Narrator: Anyway, oh, yes, the scene, as I was saying, Boxey and Child #98 and a handful of others are tinkering away at various somethings in the extremely sophisticated and complicated engineering controls of the battlestar Galactica. Child #7: (Crawling out from a conduit and calling to others) Hey, #98, Boxey! I think I found the communications central command whatchamacallit! Boxey: (Blancing at #98) Is it hooked up to the computer thingamajiggy? Child #7: Uh, no, but it does have a bunch of extension cords leadireted in the cases of Jocasta v. Graves, Alcmene on behalf of Hercules v. Hera, and Octavia v. Kemet on behalf of Children of Antony. And if that doesn't work, I'll ask for emancipation or ship reassignment based on his failure to provide appropriate parental oversight. Child #7: Okay. Well, I’ll go see if I can find the whatchamacallit. (Ducks back into conduits.) Boxey: That’s with two els, mind you! Not the one-el! Child #7: (Muffled voice echoing out of three different loudspeakers) Right! Child #98: Wow, you sure sound like you know that legalese stuff. Boxey: Well, I’ve been hanging around Sire Solon and his para-counselor, and they let me read their files. Captain Apollo’s gone so much, he doesn’t even realize I passed the bar last week -- and Mom was gone so much, she didn’t know I was in the accelerated learning classes back in the Caprica City School for Genuises. I’m finally going to get me some real parents! Child #98: Say, Boxey, if you’re going to be the leader reted in the cases of Jocasta v. Graves, Alcmene on behalf of Hercules v. Hera, and Octavia v. Kemet on behalf of Children of Antony. And if that doesn't work, I'll ask for emancipation or ship reassignment based on his failure to provide appropriate parental oversight. Child #7: Okay. Well, I’ll go see if I can find the whatchamacallit. (Ducks back into conduits.) Boxey: That’s with two els, mind you! Not the one-el! Child #7: (Muffled voice echoing out of three different loudspeakers) Right! Child #98: Wow, you sure sound like you know that legalese stuff. Boxey: Well, I’ve been hanging around Sire Solon and his para-counselor, and they let me read their files. Captain Apollo’s gone so much, he doesn’t even realize I passed the bar last week -- and Mom was gone so much, she didn’t know I was in the accelerated learning classes back in the Caprica City School for Genuises. I’m finally going to get me some real parents! Child #98: Say, Boxey, if you’re going to be the leader ng to the whatsit! Child #98 shakes his head. Boxey: That’s not it, then. We have to find the comm-cen-com whatchamacallit, or we can’t broadcast the demands of the Kiddie Liberation Front to the rest of the Fleet! Child #7: What are our demands, anyway? Boxey: Well, we all want to live on the Bakeryship, or else have the Bakeryship permanently attached to the Jolly and Cassie ship so we can always get mushies! Child #7: (puzzled) But how will that help you? You live on the Galactica! Boxey: Well, since Jolly and Cassie adopted every other orphan ship in the fleet, that’s going to be my other demand – that Captain Apollo’s adoption of me be stricken insofar as Serina failed to give formal written consent in a timely fashion at the time of their sealing, and therefore keeping me in his continuing care, custody, and control based on that marriage is in direct violation of Caprican Statute section five hundred thirty-seven, subdivision sixteen, subparagraph a, part vii, as interp left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the a dozen children, playing tag and assorted children’s games. Boxey and Child #98 -- Child #98: Hey, can’t I have a name? Narrator: Sorry, Cassie and Jolly couldn’t come up with names for all eighteen hundred of you, so you’re stuck with a number. Child #98: But I used to have a name! I really did! I am a name, I am not a number! Narrator: Well, we could always make Child #2 be the electronics whiz... Child #98: No! It’s me, I’m the whiz, I’m the number... Narrator: Anyway, oh, yes, the scene, as I was saying, Boxey and Child #98 and a handful of others are tinkering away at various somethings in the extremely sophisticated and complicated engineering controls of the battlestar Galactica. Child #7: (Crawling out from a conduit and calling to others) Hey, #98, Boxey! I think I found the communications central command whatchamacallit! Boxey: (Blancing at #98) Is it hooked up to the computer thingamajiggy? Child #7: Uh, no, but it does have a bunch of extension cords leading to the whatsit! Child #98 shakes his head. Boxey: That’s not it, then. We have to find the comm-cen-com whatchamacallit, or we can’t broadcast the demands of the Kiddie Liberation Front to the rest of the Fleet! Child #7: What are our demands, anyway? Boxey: Well, we all want to live on the Bakeryship, or else have the Bakeryship permanently attached to the Jolly and Cassie ship so we can always get mushies! Child #7: (puzzled) But how will that help you? You live on the Galactica! Boxey: Well, since Jolly and Cassie adopted every other orphan ship in the fleet, that’s going to be my other demand – that Captain Apollo’s adoption of me be stricken insofar as Serina failed to give formal written consent in a timely fashion at the time of their sealing, and therefore keeping me in his continuing care, custody, and control based on that marriage is in direct violation of Caprican Statute section five hundred thirty-seven, subdivision sixteen, subparagraph a, part vii, as interpin our liberation struggle, isn’t this the time you should come up with some ringing slogan and make an impressive speech that will resound throughout the Colonies for millennia to come? Boxey: (Contemplating briefly) Alright...hmmm. I’ve got it! To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Warriors, start your Vipers..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 10 Scene: While the Kiddie Liberation Front holds engineering and the energizers, the bridge of the Galactica is eerily silent... Commander Adama’s expression is grim. Beside him, Colonel Tigh is equally grim. In the dim red lights of the emergency generators, the faces of his officers range from concerned, to worried, to anxious – okay, they all look like they’d go through the ceiling with a wild shriek if you blew in their ear. Adama: Well, Athena? Athena: (Shaking her head): Sorry, Father, warrior securiin our liberation struggle, isn’t this the time you should come up with some ringing slogan and make an impressive speech that will resound throughout the Colonies for millennia to come? Boxey: (Contemplating briefly) Alright...hmmm. I’ve got it! To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Warriors, start your Vipers..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 10 Scene: While the Kiddie Liberation Front holds engineering and the energizers, the bridge of the Galactica is eerily silent... Commander Adama’s expression is grim. Beside him, Colonel Tigh is equally grim. In the dim red lights of the emergency generators, the faces of his officers range from concerned, to worried, to anxious – okay, they all look like they’d go through the ceiling with a wild shriek if you blew in their ear. Adama: Well, Athena? Athena: (Shaking her head): Sorry, Father, warrior securireted in the cases of Jocasta v. Graves, Alcmene on behalf of Hercules v. Hera, and Octavia v. Kemet on behalf of Children of Antony. And if that doesn't work, I'll ask for emancipation or ship reassignment based on his failure to provide appropriate parental oversight. Child #7: Okay. Well, I’ll go see if I can find the whatchamacallit. (Ducks back into conduits.) Boxey: That’s with two els, mind you! Not the one-el! Child #7: (Muffled voice echoing out of three different loudspeakers) Right! Child #98: Wow, you sure sound like you know that legalese stuff. Boxey: Well, I’ve been hanging around Sire Solon and his para-counselor, and they let me read their files. Captain Apollo’s gone so much, he doesn’t even realize I passed the bar last week -- and Mom was gone so much, she didn’t know I was in the accelerated learning classes back in the Caprica City School for Genuises. I’m finally going to get me some real parents! Child #98: Say, Boxey, if you’re going to be the leader pre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out song to the whatsit! Child #98 shakes his head. Boxey: That’s not it, then. We have to find the comm-cen-com whatchamacallit, or we can’t broadcast the demands of the Kiddie Liberation Front to the rest of the Fleet! Child #7: What are our demands, anyway? Boxey: Well, we all want to live on the Bakeryship, or else have the Bakeryship permanently attached to the Jolly and Cassie ship so we can always get mushies! Child #7: (puzzled) But how will that help you? You live on the Galactica! Boxey: Well, since Jolly and Cassie adopted every other orphan ship in the fleet, that’s going to be my other demand – that Captain Apollo’s adoption of me be stricken insofar as Serina failed to give formal written consent in a timely fashion at the time of their sealing, and therefore keeping me in his continuing care, custody, and control based on that marriage is in direct violation of Caprican Statute section five hundred thirty-seven, subdivision sixteen, subparagraph a, part vii, as interpreted in the cases of Jocasta v. Graves, Alcmene on behalf of Hercules v. Hera, and Octavia v. Kemet on behalf of Children of Antony. And if that doesn't work, I'll ask for emancipation or ship reassignment based on his failure to provide appropriate parental oversight. Child #7: Okay. Well, I’ll go see if I can find the whatchamacallit. (Ducks back into conduits.) Boxey: That’s with two els, mind you! Not the one-el! Child #7: (Muffled voice echoing out of three different loudspeakers) Right! Child #98: Wow, you sure sound like you know that legalese stuff. Boxey: Well, I’ve been hanging around Sire Solon and his para-counselor, and they let me read their files. Captain Apollo’s gone so much, he doesn’t even realize I passed the bar last week -- and Mom was gone so much, she didn’t know I was in the accelerated learning classes back in the Caprica City School for Genuises. I’m finally going to get me some real parents! Child #98: Say, Boxey, if you’re going to be the leader ty’s not making any headway into breaking into the engineering section. And the comm specialists are having no luck breaking into the computer and communications systems. Adama: (Sighing) Other than what they’ve already managed to do in cutting off the overhead speakers. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: So we still can’t access the energizers – which means life support is still cut off to the bridge, and we’re still trapped here without the turbolifts. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: Any word from Apollo and Boomer? Athena: Apollo reports they’re nearly there, sir. They managed to crawl through the lambda-lambda-lamda conduit, through the rho-mu junction, and into the alpha-beta-gamma tube. Once they get past the sigma-phi split, and through the tappa-kegga and tri-delt exits – the ones just past the O club – they’ll be able to start connecting the lines. Adama: Good, good. Tell them to keep going. Athena: Yes, sir... Tigh: (Dramatic sigh) Who’d have thought we’d become so desperatin our liberation struggle, isn’t this the time you should come up with some ringing slogan and make an impressive speech that will resound throughout the Colonies for millennia to come? Boxey: (Contemplating briefly) Alright...hmmm. I’ve got it! To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Warriors, start your Vipers..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 10 Scene: While the Kiddie Liberation Front holds engineering and the energizers, the bridge of the Galactica is eerily silent... Commander Adama’s expression is grim. Beside him, Colonel Tigh is equally grim. In the dim red lights of the emergency generators, the faces of his officers range from concerned, to worried, to anxious – okay, they all look like they’d go through the ceiling with a wild shriek if you blew in their ear. Adama: Well, Athena? Athena: (Shaking her head): Sorry, Father, warrior securime of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on yreted in the cases of Jocasta v. Graves, Alcmene on behalf of Hercules v. Hera, and Octavia v. Kemet on behalf of Children of Antony. And if that doesn't work, I'll ask for emancipation or ship reassignment based on his failure to provide appropriate parental oversight. Child #7: Okay. Well, I’ll go see if I can find the whatchamacallit. (Ducks back into conduits.) Boxey: That’s with two els, mind you! Not the one-el! Child #7: (Muffled voice echoing out of three different loudspeakers) Right! Child #98: Wow, you sure sound like you know that legalese stuff. Boxey: Well, I’ve been hanging around Sire Solon and his para-counselor, and they let me read their files. Captain Apollo’s gone so much, he doesn’t even realize I passed the bar last week -- and Mom was gone so much, she didn’t know I was in the accelerated learning classes back in the Caprica City School for Genuises. I’m finally going to get me some real parents! Child #98: Say, Boxey, if you’re going to be the leader in our liberation struggle, isn’t this the time you should come up with some ringing slogan and make an impressive speech that will resound throughout the Colonies for millennia to come? Boxey: (Contemplating briefly) Alright...hmmm. I’ve got it! To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Warriors, start your Vipers..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 10 Scene: While the Kiddie Liberation Front holds engineering and the energizers, the bridge of the Galactica is eerily silent... Commander Adama’s expression is grim. Beside him, Colonel Tigh is equally grim. In the dim red lights of the emergency generators, the faces of his officers range from concerned, to worried, to anxious – okay, they all look like they’d go through the ceiling with a wild shriek if you blew in their ear. Adama: Well, Athena? Athena: (Shaking her head): Sorry, Father, warrior security’s not making any headway into breaking into the engineering section. And the comm specialists are having no luck breaking into the computer and communications systems. Adama: (Sighing) Other than what they’ve already managed to do in cutting off the overhead speakers. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: So we still can’t access the energizers – which means life support is still cut off to the bridge, and we’re still trapped here without the turbolifts. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: Any word from Apollo and Boomer? Athena: Apollo reports they’re nearly there, sir. They managed to crawl through the lambda-lambda-lamda conduit, through the rho-mu junction, and into the alpha-beta-gamma tube. Once they get past the sigma-phi split, and through the tappa-kegga and tri-delt exits – the ones just past the O club – they’ll be able to start connecting the lines. Adama: Good, good. Tell them to keep going. Athena: Yes, sir... Tigh: (Dramatic sigh) Who’d have thought we’d become so desperate, to send out best warriors crawling through the bowels of the ship to reach the bay and circumvent the efforts of a group of terrorist children who’ve utterly immobilized our entire forces... Adama: Tigh, that’s my line. Shut up. Tigh: Yes, sir... Athena: They should be in the bay at any micron, Father. Adama: Give me confirmation as soon as you can. Athena: We’re re-establishing communications now... Adama: This is Commander Adama...is this Alpha bay? Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: But I’m the Commander! Everybody’s available when I call! Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: Wait a micron... Reese! Is that you! >From the speakers comes what sounds like an exty’s not making any headway into breaking into the engineering section. And the comm specialists are having no luck breaking into the computer and communications systems. Adama: (Sighing) Other than what they’ve already managed to do in cutting off the overhead speakers. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: So we still can’t access the energizers – which means life support is still cut off to the bridge, and we’re still trapped here without the turbolifts. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: Any word from Apollo and Boomer? Athena: Apollo reports they’re nearly there, sir. They managed to crawl through the lambda-lambda-lamda conduit, through the rho-mu junction, and into the alpha-beta-gamma tube. Once they get past the sigma-phi split, and through the tappa-kegga and tri-delt exits – the ones just past the O club – they’ll be able to start connecting the lines. Adama: Good, good. Tell them to keep going. Athena: Yes, sir... Tigh: (Dramatic sigh) Who’d have thought we’d become so desperatou! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: Ain our liberation struggle, isn’t this the time you should come up with some ringing slogan and make an impressive speech that will resound throughout the Colonies for millennia to come? Boxey: (Contemplating briefly) Alright...hmmm. I’ve got it! To the barricades! Liberty, fraternity, and mushies for all! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Warriors, start your Vipers..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 10 Scene: While the Kiddie Liberation Front holds engineering and the energizers, the bridge of the Galactica is eerily silent... Commander Adama’s expression is grim. Beside him, Colonel Tigh is equally grim. In the dim red lights of the emergency generators, the faces of his officers range from concerned, to worried, to anxious – okay, they all look like they’d go through the ceiling with a wild shriek if you blew in their ear. Adama: Well, Athena? Athena: (Shaking her head): Sorry, Father, warrior security’s not making any headway into breaking into the engineering section. And the comm specialists are having no luck breaking into the computer and communications systems. Adama: (Sighing) Other than what they’ve already managed to do in cutting off the overhead speakers. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: So we still can’t access the energizers – which means life support is still cut off to the bridge, and we’re still trapped here without the turbolifts. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: Any word from Apollo and Boomer? Athena: Apollo reports they’re nearly there, sir. They managed to crawl through the lambda-lambda-lamda conduit, through the rho-mu junction, and into the alpha-beta-gamma tube. Once they get past the sigma-phi split, and through the tappa-kegga and tri-delt exits – the ones just past the O club – they’ll be able to start connecting the lines. Adama: Good, good. Tell them to keep going. Athena: Yes, sir... Tigh: (Dramatic sigh) Who’d have thought we’d become so desperate, to send out best warriors crawling through the bowels of the ship to reach the bay and circumvent the efforts of a group of terrorist children who’ve utterly immobilized our entire forces... Adama: Tigh, that’s my line. Shut up. Tigh: Yes, sir... Athena: They should be in the bay at any micron, Father. Adama: Give me confirmation as soon as you can. Athena: We’re re-establishing communications now... Adama: This is Commander Adama...is this Alpha bay? Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: But I’m the Commander! Everybody’s available when I call! Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: Wait a micron... Reese! Is that you! >From the speakers comes what sounds like an exchange of whispers. Reese: (Over speakers, very meek.) We’re here, sir... Adama: Where’re Apollo and Boomer? Reese: (Over speakers) They’re right here, sir. Apollo: (Over speakers, very ticked off) Reese, you’re gonna pay for that. Reese: (Over speakers, defensive) Can we help it if you and Boomer came out of the conduits looking like something that crawled out of the sewers in an teen-yahren horror yarn! Boomer’s voice: (Over speakers) If you hit me with that broom again, I’ll-- Apollo: (Over speakers) Never mind, for now. We’re here, Father. Boomer’s hooking up the cables as we speak. What? Yes! All of them! He confirms it, father, every Viper in the bay is now hooked up to the cable system we pulled behind us all the way through the ship. You can pull the switch from there, and every one of our fighters will switch on, providing every ergon of power here to keep the bridge running and enable you to regain manual control of the entire battlestar. Adama: All right. e, to send out best warriors crawling through the bowels of the ship to reach the bay and circumvent the efforts of a group of terrorist children who’ve utterly immobilized our entire forces... Adama: Tigh, that’s my line. Shut up. Tigh: Yes, sir... Athena: They should be in the bay at any micron, Father. Adama: Give me confirmation as soon as you can. Athena: We’re re-establishing communications now... Adama: This is Commander Adama...is this Alpha bay? Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: But I’m the Commander! Everybody’s available when I call! Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: Wait a micron... Reese! Is that you! >From the speakers comes what sounds like an ex really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make ty’s not making any headway into breaking into the engineering section. And the comm specialists are having no luck breaking into the computer and communications systems. Adama: (Sighing) Other than what they’ve already managed to do in cutting off the overhead speakers. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: So we still can’t access the energizers – which means life support is still cut off to the bridge, and we’re still trapped here without the turbolifts. Athena: Yes, sir. Adama: Any word from Apollo and Boomer? Athena: Apollo reports they’re nearly there, sir. They managed to crawl through the lambda-lambda-lamda conduit, through the rho-mu junction, and into the alpha-beta-gamma tube. Once they get past the sigma-phi split, and through the tappa-kegga and tri-delt exits – the ones just past the O club – they’ll be able to start connecting the lines. Adama: Good, good. Tell them to keep going. Athena: Yes, sir... Tigh: (Dramatic sigh) Who’d have thought we’d become so desperate, to send out best warriors crawling through the bowels of the ship to reach the bay and circumvent the efforts of a group of terrorist children who’ve utterly immobilized our entire forces... Adama: Tigh, that’s my line. Shut up. Tigh: Yes, sir... Athena: They should be in the bay at any micron, Father. Adama: Give me confirmation as soon as you can. Athena: We’re re-establishing communications now... Adama: This is Commander Adama...is this Alpha bay? Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: But I’m the Commander! Everybody’s available when I call! Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: Wait a micron... Reese! Is that you! >From the speakers comes what sounds like an exchange of whispers. Reese: (Over speakers, very meek.) We’re here, sir... Adama: Where’re Apollo and Boomer? Reese: (Over speakers) They’re right here, sir. Apollo: (Over speakers, very ticked off) Reese, you’re gonna pay for that. Reese: (Over speakers, defensive) Can we help it if you and Boomer came out of the conduits looking like something that crawled out of the sewers in an teen-yahren horror yarn! Boomer’s voice: (Over speakers) If you hit me with that broom again, I’ll-- Apollo: (Over speakers) Never mind, for now. We’re here, Father. Boomer’s hooking up the cables as we speak. What? Yes! All of them! He confirms it, father, every Viper in the bay is now hooked up to the cable system we pulled behind us all the way through the ship. You can pull the switch from there, and every one of our fighters will switch on, providing every ergon of power here to keep the bridge running and enable you to regain manual control of the entire battlestar. Adama: All right. Warriors, start your Vipers... >From the speakers, come an assortment of thundering roars, followed by screams – the Vipers have ignited fires which sweep through the oily, scented, colorful bay, sending the two warriors and Reese’s security officers scrambling for cover. However, the lights come up on the bridge. A very smug Adama turns to Tigh. Adama: Tigh, call warrior security. Let’s get those kids... Tigh: Right, sir! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "Why, yes, I am dancing on the ceiling!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 11 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship, formerly known as the Orphan Ship until our intrepid mega-parent-material warrior and generally intelligent kid-lovin’ med tech adopted them all, giving them numbers instead of names because they couldn’t think of eighteen hundred names – ignoring completely the fact that each child already had a name of his or her own. Jolly change of whispers. Reese: (Over speakers, very meek.) We’re here, sir... Adama: Where’re Apollo and Boomer? Reese: (Over speakers) They’re right here, sir. Apollo: (Over speakers, very ticked off) Reese, you’re gonna pay for that. Reese: (Over speakers, defensive) Can we help it if you and Boomer came out of the conduits looking like something that crawled out of the sewers in an teen-yahren horror yarn! Boomer’s voice: (Over speakers) If you hit me with that broom again, I’ll-- Apollo: (Over speakers) Never mind, for now. We’re here, Father. Boomer’s hooking up the cables as we speak. What? Yes! All of them! He confirms it, father, every Viper in the bay is now hooked up to the cable system we pulled behind us all the way through the ship. You can pull the switch from there, and every one of our fighters will switch on, providing every ergon of power here to keep the bridge running and enable you to regain manual control of the entire battlestar. Adama: All right. e, to send out best warriors crawling through the bowels of the ship to reach the bay and circumvent the efforts of a group of terrorist children who’ve utterly immobilized our entire forces... Adama: Tigh, that’s my line. Shut up. Tigh: Yes, sir... Athena: They should be in the bay at any micron, Father. Adama: Give me confirmation as soon as you can. Athena: We’re re-establishing communications now... Adama: This is Commander Adama...is this Alpha bay? Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: But I’m the Commander! Everybody’s available when I call! Computer Operator: We’re sorry, the party you’re calling is currently not available. But your call is very important to us. Please try again later, or leave a message at the beep. Adama: Wait a micron... Reese! Is that you! >From the speakers comes what sounds like an ex a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a princechange of whispers. Reese: (Over speakers, very meek.) We’re here, sir... Adama: Where’re Apollo and Boomer? Reese: (Over speakers) They’re right here, sir. Apollo: (Over speakers, very ticked off) Reese, you’re gonna pay for that. Reese: (Over speakers, defensive) Can we help it if you and Boomer came out of the conduits looking like something that crawled out of the sewers in an teen-yahren horror yarn! Boomer’s voice: (Over speakers) If you hit me with that broom again, I’ll-- Apollo: (Over speakers) Never mind, for now. We’re here, Father. Boomer’s hooking up the cables as we speak. What? Yes! All of them! He confirms it, father, every Viper in the bay is now hooked up to the cable system we pulled behind us all the way through the ship. You can pull the switch from there, and every one of our fighters will switch on, providing every ergon of power here to keep the bridge running and enable you to regain manual control of the entire battlestar. Adama: All right. Warriors, start your Vipers... >From the speakers, come an assortment of thundering roars, followed by screams – the Vipers have ignited fires which sweep through the oily, scented, colorful bay, sending the two warriors and Reese’s security officers scrambling for cover. However, the lights come up on the bridge. A very smug Adama turns to Tigh. Adama: Tigh, call warrior security. Let’s get those kids... Tigh: Right, sir! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "Why, yes, I am dancing on the ceiling!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 11 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship, formerly known as the Orphan Ship until our intrepid mega-parent-material warrior and generally intelligent kid-lovin’ med tech adopted them all, giving them numbers instead of names because they couldn’t think of eighteen hundred names – ignoring completely the fact that each child already had a name of his or her own. Jolly has just brought the shuttle in for a landing. The hatch opens, and a horde of children begin leaping out and racing off throughout the bay. Cassie: (Appearing in hatchway and following children across bay) Now, kids, don’t wake your siblings, they’re still down for their naps! Cassie slowly begins to rise from the deck and finds herself floating, as do the children. Jolly appears in the hatch. Jolly: Cassie! You’re walking on air! What did I do? Cassie: (Smiling and waving.) Well, for once it wasn’t you, sweetie! I don’t know – but I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon. Jolly: (Glancing around at children and toys drifting at every altitude in the bay.) It looks like the ship’s gravity has gone a little crazy. We left #98 back on the Galactica, didn’t we? Cassie: (Grabbing a girder and hanging on for dear life, then grabbing her skirt to hold it in place when it continues floating up.) Yes, I think we did. Jolly: Then it must be.... Jolly and Cassie together: #666! JolWarriors, start your Vipers... >From the speakers, come an assortment of thundering roars, followed by screams – the Vipers have ignited fires which sweep through the oily, scented, colorful bay, sending the two warriors and Reese’s security officers scrambling for cover. However, the lights come up on the bridge. A very smug Adama turns to Tigh. Adama: Tigh, call warrior security. Let’s get those kids... Tigh: Right, sir! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "Why, yes, I am dancing on the ceiling!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 11 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship, formerly known as the Orphan Ship until our intrepid mega-parent-material warrior and generally intelligent kid-lovin’ med tech adopted them all, giving them numbers instead of names because they couldn’t think of eighteen hundred names – ignoring completely the fact that each child already had a name of his or her own. Jolly change of whispers. Reese: (Over speakers, very meek.) We’re here, sir... Adama: Where’re Apollo and Boomer? Reese: (Over speakers) They’re right here, sir. Apollo: (Over speakers, very ticked off) Reese, you’re gonna pay for that. Reese: (Over speakers, defensive) Can we help it if you and Boomer came out of the conduits looking like something that crawled out of the sewers in an teen-yahren horror yarn! Boomer’s voice: (Over speakers) If you hit me with that broom again, I’ll-- Apollo: (Over speakers) Never mind, for now. We’re here, Father. Boomer’s hooking up the cables as we speak. What? Yes! All of them! He confirms it, father, every Viper in the bay is now hooked up to the cable system we pulled behind us all the way through the ship. You can pull the switch from there, and every one of our fighters will switch on, providing every ergon of power here to keep the bridge running and enable you to regain manual control of the entire battlestar. Adama: All right. ss of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. GabrieWarriors, start your Vipers... >From the speakers, come an assortment of thundering roars, followed by screams – the Vipers have ignited fires which sweep through the oily, scented, colorful bay, sending the two warriors and Reese’s security officers scrambling for cover. However, the lights come up on the bridge. A very smug Adama turns to Tigh. Adama: Tigh, call warrior security. Let’s get those kids... Tigh: Right, sir! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "Why, yes, I am dancing on the ceiling!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 11 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship, formerly known as the Orphan Ship until our intrepid mega-parent-material warrior and generally intelligent kid-lovin’ med tech adopted them all, giving them numbers instead of names because they couldn’t think of eighteen hundred names – ignoring completely the fact that each child already had a name of his or her own. Jolly has just brought the shuttle in for a landing. The hatch opens, and a horde of children begin leaping out and racing off throughout the bay. Cassie: (Appearing in hatchway and following children across bay) Now, kids, don’t wake your siblings, they’re still down for their naps! Cassie slowly begins to rise from the deck and finds herself floating, as do the children. Jolly appears in the hatch. Jolly: Cassie! You’re walking on air! What did I do? Cassie: (Smiling and waving.) Well, for once it wasn’t you, sweetie! I don’t know – but I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon. Jolly: (Glancing around at children and toys drifting at every altitude in the bay.) It looks like the ship’s gravity has gone a little crazy. We left #98 back on the Galactica, didn’t we? Cassie: (Grabbing a girder and hanging on for dear life, then grabbing her skirt to hold it in place when it continues floating up.) Yes, I think we did. Jolly: Then it must be.... Jolly and Cassie together: #666! Jolhas just brought the shuttle in for a landing. The hatch opens, and a horde of children begin leaping out and racing off throughout the bay. Cassie: (Appearing in hatchway and following children across bay) Now, kids, don’t wake your siblings, they’re still down for their naps! Cassie slowly begins to rise from the deck and finds herself floating, as do the children. Jolly appears in the hatch. Jolly: Cassie! You’re walking on air! What did I do? Cassie: (Smiling and waving.) Well, for once it wasn’t you, sweetie! I don’t know – but I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon. Jolly: (Glancing around at children and toys drifting at every altitude in the bay.) It looks like the ship’s gravity has gone a little crazy. We left #98 back on the Galactica, didn’t we? Cassie: (Grabbing a girder and hanging on for dear life, then grabbing her skirt to hold it in place when it continues floating up.) Yes, I think we did. Jolly: Then it must be.... Jolly and Cassie together: #666! Jolly steps out into the bay and starts drifting upward. With a little aerial acrobatics, he manages to steer in Cassie’s direction. Starbuck appears in the hatch of the shuttle, and grabs onto the doorway for dear life, staring blearily around the bay. Starbuck: I have a concussion. That’s the only explanation. Cassie, this is all your fault. You threw that space-hockey puck right at my head, don’t try to deny it... Cassie: Why would I deny it? You broke Athena’s heart, you broke Aurora’s heart, you broke Noday’s heart, you broke Miriam’s heart, you broke Caledonia’s heart, you broke Iberia’s heart, you broke Erin’s heart, you broke Britannia’s heart, you broke Columbia’s heart, you broke...well, face it, you’ve broken hearts on every planet, moon, asteroid, comet, nation, and alien base in the quadrant! But you couldn’t be bothered to break my heart, no, you were too busy butting heads with Apollo! And about what, I still don’t know! Starbuck: (In a small voice.) I don’t remember.Warriors, start your Vipers... >From the speakers, come an assortment of thundering roars, followed by screams – the Vipers have ignited fires which sweep through the oily, scented, colorful bay, sending the two warriors and Reese’s security officers scrambling for cover. However, the lights come up on the bridge. A very smug Adama turns to Tigh. Adama: Tigh, call warrior security. Let’s get those kids... Tigh: Right, sir! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "Why, yes, I am dancing on the ceiling!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 11 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship, formerly known as the Orphan Ship until our intrepid mega-parent-material warrior and generally intelligent kid-lovin’ med tech adopted them all, giving them numbers instead of names because they couldn’t think of eighteen hundred names – ignoring completely the fact that each child already had a name of his or her own. Jolly lle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously has just brought the shuttle in for a landing. The hatch opens, and a horde of children begin leaping out and racing off throughout the bay. Cassie: (Appearing in hatchway and following children across bay) Now, kids, don’t wake your siblings, they’re still down for their naps! Cassie slowly begins to rise from the deck and finds herself floating, as do the children. Jolly appears in the hatch. Jolly: Cassie! You’re walking on air! What did I do? Cassie: (Smiling and waving.) Well, for once it wasn’t you, sweetie! I don’t know – but I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon. Jolly: (Glancing around at children and toys drifting at every altitude in the bay.) It looks like the ship’s gravity has gone a little crazy. We left #98 back on the Galactica, didn’t we? Cassie: (Grabbing a girder and hanging on for dear life, then grabbing her skirt to hold it in place when it continues floating up.) Yes, I think we did. Jolly: Then it must be.... Jolly and Cassie together: #666! Jolly steps out into the bay and starts drifting upward. With a little aerial acrobatics, he manages to steer in Cassie’s direction. Starbuck appears in the hatch of the shuttle, and grabs onto the doorway for dear life, staring blearily around the bay. Starbuck: I have a concussion. That’s the only explanation. Cassie, this is all your fault. You threw that space-hockey puck right at my head, don’t try to deny it... Cassie: Why would I deny it? You broke Athena’s heart, you broke Aurora’s heart, you broke Noday’s heart, you broke Miriam’s heart, you broke Caledonia’s heart, you broke Iberia’s heart, you broke Erin’s heart, you broke Britannia’s heart, you broke Columbia’s heart, you broke...well, face it, you’ve broken hearts on every planet, moon, asteroid, comet, nation, and alien base in the quadrant! But you couldn’t be bothered to break my heart, no, you were too busy butting heads with Apollo! And about what, I still don’t know! Starbuck: (In a small voice.) I don’t remember.ly steps out into the bay and starts drifting upward. With a little aerial acrobatics, he manages to steer in Cassie’s direction. Starbuck appears in the hatch of the shuttle, and grabs onto the doorway for dear life, staring blearily around the bay. Starbuck: I have a concussion. That’s the only explanation. Cassie, this is all your fault. You threw that space-hockey puck right at my head, don’t try to deny it... Cassie: Why would I deny it? You broke Athena’s heart, you broke Aurora’s heart, you broke Noday’s heart, you broke Miriam’s heart, you broke Caledonia’s heart, you broke Iberia’s heart, you broke Erin’s heart, you broke Britannia’s heart, you broke Columbia’s heart, you broke...well, face it, you’ve broken hearts on every planet, moon, asteroid, comet, nation, and alien base in the quadrant! But you couldn’t be bothered to break my heart, no, you were too busy butting heads with Apollo! And about what, I still don’t know! Starbuck: (In a small voice.) I don’t remember... But please don’t make me walk out in that gravity-less bay – I’ll throw up, really I will... Another figure drifts into the bay, pushing himself off against the ceiling with elegant gestures as he moves along -- strictly forward, and with no high heels and no long gown. Child Chorus: Granpa Cham! The children cluster, heading in the direction of Chameleon, their Granpa Cham, who is not really related to any of them, of course, but loves children, and loves Cassie (just because, not just because he thought his secret son Starbuck was going to marry her), and would do just about anything to get away from a certain classy Siress Blassie on the Senior Ship. Chameleon: Children, children, so good to see you back! Now, hurry up, your siblings are awake from their naps and have put their blankies away and are heading down for snack, and unless you catch up with them, they’ll eat all the mushies! Child Chorus: Yay! Granpa Cham’s giving us mushies! The children float, flock, swim, kihas just brought the shuttle in for a landing. The hatch opens, and a horde of children begin leaping out and racing off throughout the bay. Cassie: (Appearing in hatchway and following children across bay) Now, kids, don’t wake your siblings, they’re still down for their naps! Cassie slowly begins to rise from the deck and finds herself floating, as do the children. Jolly appears in the hatch. Jolly: Cassie! You’re walking on air! What did I do? Cassie: (Smiling and waving.) Well, for once it wasn’t you, sweetie! I don’t know – but I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon. Jolly: (Glancing around at children and toys drifting at every altitude in the bay.) It looks like the ship’s gravity has gone a little crazy. We left #98 back on the Galactica, didn’t we? Cassie: (Grabbing a girder and hanging on for dear life, then grabbing her skirt to hold it in place when it continues floating up.) Yes, I think we did. Jolly: Then it must be.... Jolly and Cassie together: #666! Jol lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some ly steps out into the bay and starts drifting upward. With a little aerial acrobatics, he manages to steer in Cassie’s direction. Starbuck appears in the hatch of the shuttle, and grabs onto the doorway for dear life, staring blearily around the bay. Starbuck: I have a concussion. That’s the only explanation. Cassie, this is all your fault. You threw that space-hockey puck right at my head, don’t try to deny it... Cassie: Why would I deny it? You broke Athena’s heart, you broke Aurora’s heart, you broke Noday’s heart, you broke Miriam’s heart, you broke Caledonia’s heart, you broke Iberia’s heart, you broke Erin’s heart, you broke Britannia’s heart, you broke Columbia’s heart, you broke...well, face it, you’ve broken hearts on every planet, moon, asteroid, comet, nation, and alien base in the quadrant! But you couldn’t be bothered to break my heart, no, you were too busy butting heads with Apollo! And about what, I still don’t know! Starbuck: (In a small voice.) I don’t remember... But please don’t make me walk out in that gravity-less bay – I’ll throw up, really I will... Another figure drifts into the bay, pushing himself off against the ceiling with elegant gestures as he moves along -- strictly forward, and with no high heels and no long gown. Child Chorus: Granpa Cham! The children cluster, heading in the direction of Chameleon, their Granpa Cham, who is not really related to any of them, of course, but loves children, and loves Cassie (just because, not just because he thought his secret son Starbuck was going to marry her), and would do just about anything to get away from a certain classy Siress Blassie on the Senior Ship. Chameleon: Children, children, so good to see you back! Now, hurry up, your siblings are awake from their naps and have put their blankies away and are heading down for snack, and unless you catch up with them, they’ll eat all the mushies! Child Chorus: Yay! Granpa Cham’s giving us mushies! The children float, flock, swim, ki.. But please don’t make me walk out in that gravity-less bay – I’ll throw up, really I will... Another figure drifts into the bay, pushing himself off against the ceiling with elegant gestures as he moves along -- strictly forward, and with no high heels and no long gown. Child Chorus: Granpa Cham! The children cluster, heading in the direction of Chameleon, their Granpa Cham, who is not really related to any of them, of course, but loves children, and loves Cassie (just because, not just because he thought his secret son Starbuck was going to marry her), and would do just about anything to get away from a certain classy Siress Blassie on the Senior Ship. Chameleon: Children, children, so good to see you back! Now, hurry up, your siblings are awake from their naps and have put their blankies away and are heading down for snack, and unless you catch up with them, they’ll eat all the mushies! Child Chorus: Yay! Granpa Cham’s giving us mushies! The children float, flock, swim, kick, and generally make their way to the bay exit, vanishing from site and sight. Chameleon continues vigorously making his way across the ceiling in what appears to be a fox trot -- no surprise, coming from that old fox. Cassie: Chameleon, are you...dancing? Chameleon: As a matter of fact, yes, I am dancing, on the ceiling. It appears little #666 turned off the internal gravity, but he promised it would be back on within the centar. In the meantime, we’ve got the lightest, fluffiest, chocolatiest mushie souffles the galley has ever baked! I’ve never felt so light on my feet! And I’ve also found 68 cubits that floated out of seat cushions in the media room – I’m thinking of taking a trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck: (Piteously.) Can I join you? Please? Chameleon glances at Jolly and Cassie, who look at each other, then smile and wave him on. Cassie: Oh, goo ahead, Chameleon, you’ve lasted longer than any other babysitter we’ve ever had. Have a good time! Jolly: You can evely steps out into the bay and starts drifting upward. With a little aerial acrobatics, he manages to steer in Cassie’s direction. Starbuck appears in the hatch of the shuttle, and grabs onto the doorway for dear life, staring blearily around the bay. Starbuck: I have a concussion. That’s the only explanation. Cassie, this is all your fault. You threw that space-hockey puck right at my head, don’t try to deny it... Cassie: Why would I deny it? You broke Athena’s heart, you broke Aurora’s heart, you broke Noday’s heart, you broke Miriam’s heart, you broke Caledonia’s heart, you broke Iberia’s heart, you broke Erin’s heart, you broke Britannia’s heart, you broke Columbia’s heart, you broke...well, face it, you’ve broken hearts on every planet, moon, asteroid, comet, nation, and alien base in the quadrant! But you couldn’t be bothered to break my heart, no, you were too busy butting heads with Apollo! And about what, I still don’t know! Starbuck: (In a small voice.) I don’t remember.things for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch t.. But please don’t make me walk out in that gravity-less bay – I’ll throw up, really I will... Another figure drifts into the bay, pushing himself off against the ceiling with elegant gestures as he moves along -- strictly forward, and with no high heels and no long gown. Child Chorus: Granpa Cham! The children cluster, heading in the direction of Chameleon, their Granpa Cham, who is not really related to any of them, of course, but loves children, and loves Cassie (just because, not just because he thought his secret son Starbuck was going to marry her), and would do just about anything to get away from a certain classy Siress Blassie on the Senior Ship. Chameleon: Children, children, so good to see you back! Now, hurry up, your siblings are awake from their naps and have put their blankies away and are heading down for snack, and unless you catch up with them, they’ll eat all the mushies! Child Chorus: Yay! Granpa Cham’s giving us mushies! The children float, flock, swim, kick, and generally make their way to the bay exit, vanishing from site and sight. Chameleon continues vigorously making his way across the ceiling in what appears to be a fox trot -- no surprise, coming from that old fox. Cassie: Chameleon, are you...dancing? Chameleon: As a matter of fact, yes, I am dancing, on the ceiling. It appears little #666 turned off the internal gravity, but he promised it would be back on within the centar. In the meantime, we’ve got the lightest, fluffiest, chocolatiest mushie souffles the galley has ever baked! I’ve never felt so light on my feet! And I’ve also found 68 cubits that floated out of seat cushions in the media room – I’m thinking of taking a trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck: (Piteously.) Can I join you? Please? Chameleon glances at Jolly and Cassie, who look at each other, then smile and wave him on. Cassie: Oh, goo ahead, Chameleon, you’ve lasted longer than any other babysitter we’ve ever had. Have a good time! Jolly: You can eveck, and generally make their way to the bay exit, vanishing from site and sight. Chameleon continues vigorously making his way across the ceiling in what appears to be a fox trot -- no surprise, coming from that old fox. Cassie: Chameleon, are you...dancing? Chameleon: As a matter of fact, yes, I am dancing, on the ceiling. It appears little #666 turned off the internal gravity, but he promised it would be back on within the centar. In the meantime, we’ve got the lightest, fluffiest, chocolatiest mushie souffles the galley has ever baked! I’ve never felt so light on my feet! And I’ve also found 68 cubits that floated out of seat cushions in the media room – I’m thinking of taking a trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck: (Piteously.) Can I join you? Please? Chameleon glances at Jolly and Cassie, who look at each other, then smile and wave him on. Cassie: Oh, goo ahead, Chameleon, you’ve lasted longer than any other babysitter we’ve ever had. Have a good time! Jolly: You can even take the shuttle – if Starbuck’s up to flying! Starbuck: (Suddenly looking like himself again) Just watch me! He briskly takes a step out to pulled Chameleon down from the ceiling – and immediately launches himself toward the open side of the bay, where the stars are far too clearly visible. Starbuck: (Flailing madly.) Help!!! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Zara say, "This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 12 Scene: A darkened corridor of the battlestar Galactica, just outside the bridge. Newscaster Zara and her videolator are sneaking along the corridor. (Socialator, travelator, videolator, okay?) Zara: (In a conspiratorial whisper.) This is Zara of IFB, aboard the Galactica itself, where we’ve secretly replaced the bridge crew’s fresh-ground caff with flash-dried caff crystals. Now let’s see if they’ve noticed the difference! As Zara approaches t.. But please don’t make me walk out in that gravity-less bay – I’ll throw up, really I will... Another figure drifts into the bay, pushing himself off against the ceiling with elegant gestures as he moves along -- strictly forward, and with no high heels and no long gown. Child Chorus: Granpa Cham! The children cluster, heading in the direction of Chameleon, their Granpa Cham, who is not really related to any of them, of course, but loves children, and loves Cassie (just because, not just because he thought his secret son Starbuck was going to marry her), and would do just about anything to get away from a certain classy Siress Blassie on the Senior Ship. Chameleon: Children, children, so good to see you back! Now, hurry up, your siblings are awake from their naps and have put their blankies away and are heading down for snack, and unless you catch up with them, they’ll eat all the mushies! Child Chorus: Yay! Granpa Cham’s giving us mushies! The children float, flock, swim, kio be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) Buck, and generally make their way to the bay exit, vanishing from site and sight. Chameleon continues vigorously making his way across the ceiling in what appears to be a fox trot -- no surprise, coming from that old fox. Cassie: Chameleon, are you...dancing? Chameleon: As a matter of fact, yes, I am dancing, on the ceiling. It appears little #666 turned off the internal gravity, but he promised it would be back on within the centar. In the meantime, we’ve got the lightest, fluffiest, chocolatiest mushie souffles the galley has ever baked! I’ve never felt so light on my feet! And I’ve also found 68 cubits that floated out of seat cushions in the media room – I’m thinking of taking a trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck: (Piteously.) Can I join you? Please? Chameleon glances at Jolly and Cassie, who look at each other, then smile and wave him on. Cassie: Oh, goo ahead, Chameleon, you’ve lasted longer than any other babysitter we’ve ever had. Have a good time! Jolly: You can even take the shuttle – if Starbuck’s up to flying! Starbuck: (Suddenly looking like himself again) Just watch me! He briskly takes a step out to pulled Chameleon down from the ceiling – and immediately launches himself toward the open side of the bay, where the stars are far too clearly visible. Starbuck: (Flailing madly.) Help!!! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Zara say, "This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 12 Scene: A darkened corridor of the battlestar Galactica, just outside the bridge. Newscaster Zara and her videolator are sneaking along the corridor. (Socialator, travelator, videolator, okay?) Zara: (In a conspiratorial whisper.) This is Zara of IFB, aboard the Galactica itself, where we’ve secretly replaced the bridge crew’s fresh-ground caff with flash-dried caff crystals. Now let’s see if they’ve noticed the difference! As Zara approaches tn take the shuttle – if Starbuck’s up to flying! Starbuck: (Suddenly looking like himself again) Just watch me! He briskly takes a step out to pulled Chameleon down from the ceiling – and immediately launches himself toward the open side of the bay, where the stars are far too clearly visible. Starbuck: (Flailing madly.) Help!!! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Zara say, "This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 12 Scene: A darkened corridor of the battlestar Galactica, just outside the bridge. Newscaster Zara and her videolator are sneaking along the corridor. (Socialator, travelator, videolator, okay?) Zara: (In a conspiratorial whisper.) This is Zara of IFB, aboard the Galactica itself, where we’ve secretly replaced the bridge crew’s fresh-ground caff with flash-dried caff crystals. Now let’s see if they’ve noticed the difference! As Zara approaches the entrance to the bridge, she is nearly run over when Rigel comes rushing off the bridge, long unbraided hair streaming freely in the sudden, delicately scented breeze, sobbing. Rigel: (Dramatically.) I can’t take it any more! Zara: (Catching a think hank of hair and pulling Rigel to a stop.) Corporal Rigel! What can’t you take anymore? Is this the result of a problem with, say, the caff? Rigel: (Staring at Zara as if she’s demented.) The caff? What about the caff? Zara: Oh, why, nothing – have you noticed anything different about the caff? Rigel: If anyone messed with my caff, why, I’d...I’d have to do something drastic! Zara: (Quickly) No, no, I’d never do anything to the caff! Videolator: But, Zara–! Zara: Shut up! So, Rigel, what is the problem that has you running wildly from the bridge, if it’s not the caff? Are you being sexually harassed by your fellow officers because you’re a woman trying to do a man’s job in a militaristic, chauvinistic, patriarchal societck, and generally make their way to the bay exit, vanishing from site and sight. Chameleon continues vigorously making his way across the ceiling in what appears to be a fox trot -- no surprise, coming from that old fox. Cassie: Chameleon, are you...dancing? Chameleon: As a matter of fact, yes, I am dancing, on the ceiling. It appears little #666 turned off the internal gravity, but he promised it would be back on within the centar. In the meantime, we’ve got the lightest, fluffiest, chocolatiest mushie souffles the galley has ever baked! I’ve never felt so light on my feet! And I’ve also found 68 cubits that floated out of seat cushions in the media room – I’m thinking of taking a trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck: (Piteously.) Can I join you? Please? Chameleon glances at Jolly and Cassie, who look at each other, then smile and wave him on. Cassie: Oh, goo ahead, Chameleon, you’ve lasted longer than any other babysitter we’ve ever had. Have a good time! Jolly: You can evet you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To n take the shuttle – if Starbuck’s up to flying! Starbuck: (Suddenly looking like himself again) Just watch me! He briskly takes a step out to pulled Chameleon down from the ceiling – and immediately launches himself toward the open side of the bay, where the stars are far too clearly visible. Starbuck: (Flailing madly.) Help!!! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Zara say, "This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 12 Scene: A darkened corridor of the battlestar Galactica, just outside the bridge. Newscaster Zara and her videolator are sneaking along the corridor. (Socialator, travelator, videolator, okay?) Zara: (In a conspiratorial whisper.) This is Zara of IFB, aboard the Galactica itself, where we’ve secretly replaced the bridge crew’s fresh-ground caff with flash-dried caff crystals. Now let’s see if they’ve noticed the difference! As Zara approaches the entrance to the bridge, she is nearly run over when Rigel comes rushing off the bridge, long unbraided hair streaming freely in the sudden, delicately scented breeze, sobbing. Rigel: (Dramatically.) I can’t take it any more! Zara: (Catching a think hank of hair and pulling Rigel to a stop.) Corporal Rigel! What can’t you take anymore? Is this the result of a problem with, say, the caff? Rigel: (Staring at Zara as if she’s demented.) The caff? What about the caff? Zara: Oh, why, nothing – have you noticed anything different about the caff? Rigel: If anyone messed with my caff, why, I’d...I’d have to do something drastic! Zara: (Quickly) No, no, I’d never do anything to the caff! Videolator: But, Zara–! Zara: Shut up! So, Rigel, what is the problem that has you running wildly from the bridge, if it’s not the caff? Are you being sexually harassed by your fellow officers because you’re a woman trying to do a man’s job in a militaristic, chauvinistic, patriarchal societhe entrance to the bridge, she is nearly run over when Rigel comes rushing off the bridge, long unbraided hair streaming freely in the sudden, delicately scented breeze, sobbing. Rigel: (Dramatically.) I can’t take it any more! Zara: (Catching a think hank of hair and pulling Rigel to a stop.) Corporal Rigel! What can’t you take anymore? Is this the result of a problem with, say, the caff? Rigel: (Staring at Zara as if she’s demented.) The caff? What about the caff? Zara: Oh, why, nothing – have you noticed anything different about the caff? Rigel: If anyone messed with my caff, why, I’d...I’d have to do something drastic! Zara: (Quickly) No, no, I’d never do anything to the caff! Videolator: But, Zara–! Zara: Shut up! So, Rigel, what is the problem that has you running wildly from the bridge, if it’s not the caff? Are you being sexually harassed by your fellow officers because you’re a woman trying to do a man’s job in a militaristic, chauvinistic, patriarchal society? Rigel: No. Zara: Is it the difficulty of reconciling the external image of the dedicated, hardened warrior that you must project to do your job, with your real, gentle, caring, feminine, interior? Rigel: Not really. Zara: Is it a sudden case of traumatic stress syndrome resulting from the long, tense centars and endless duty shifts necessary to maintain constant vigilance against the Cylons? Rigel: Not exactly. Zara: Is it a reaction to the miseries of life here in the fleet, to the deprivations of insufficient food and resources, and to being forced to live in overcrowded facilities without opportunities for leave time, recreation, and access to sunshine and fresh air? Rigel: Nah. Zara: Are you suffering a long-overdue and completely understandable nervous breakdown from your personal losses in the Destruction? Rigel: Uh-uh. Zara: Then what is it? Rigel: (Holding out her hand.) I broke a nail! Zara: What? Rigel: I broke a nail! It was in the dark! While thn take the shuttle – if Starbuck’s up to flying! Starbuck: (Suddenly looking like himself again) Just watch me! He briskly takes a step out to pulled Chameleon down from the ceiling – and immediately launches himself toward the open side of the bay, where the stars are far too clearly visible. Starbuck: (Flailing madly.) Help!!! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Zara say, "This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 12 Scene: A darkened corridor of the battlestar Galactica, just outside the bridge. Newscaster Zara and her videolator are sneaking along the corridor. (Socialator, travelator, videolator, okay?) Zara: (In a conspiratorial whisper.) This is Zara of IFB, aboard the Galactica itself, where we’ve secretly replaced the bridge crew’s fresh-ground caff with flash-dried caff crystals. Now let’s see if they’ve noticed the difference! As Zara approaches tkill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: he entrance to the bridge, she is nearly run over when Rigel comes rushing off the bridge, long unbraided hair streaming freely in the sudden, delicately scented breeze, sobbing. Rigel: (Dramatically.) I can’t take it any more! Zara: (Catching a think hank of hair and pulling Rigel to a stop.) Corporal Rigel! What can’t you take anymore? Is this the result of a problem with, say, the caff? Rigel: (Staring at Zara as if she’s demented.) The caff? What about the caff? Zara: Oh, why, nothing – have you noticed anything different about the caff? Rigel: If anyone messed with my caff, why, I’d...I’d have to do something drastic! Zara: (Quickly) No, no, I’d never do anything to the caff! Videolator: But, Zara–! Zara: Shut up! So, Rigel, what is the problem that has you running wildly from the bridge, if it’s not the caff? Are you being sexually harassed by your fellow officers because you’re a woman trying to do a man’s job in a militaristic, chauvinistic, patriarchal society? Rigel: No. Zara: Is it the difficulty of reconciling the external image of the dedicated, hardened warrior that you must project to do your job, with your real, gentle, caring, feminine, interior? Rigel: Not really. Zara: Is it a sudden case of traumatic stress syndrome resulting from the long, tense centars and endless duty shifts necessary to maintain constant vigilance against the Cylons? Rigel: Not exactly. Zara: Is it a reaction to the miseries of life here in the fleet, to the deprivations of insufficient food and resources, and to being forced to live in overcrowded facilities without opportunities for leave time, recreation, and access to sunshine and fresh air? Rigel: Nah. Zara: Are you suffering a long-overdue and completely understandable nervous breakdown from your personal losses in the Destruction? Rigel: Uh-uh. Zara: Then what is it? Rigel: (Holding out her hand.) I broke a nail! Zara: What? Rigel: I broke a nail! It was in the dark! While thy? Rigel: No. Zara: Is it the difficulty of reconciling the external image of the dedicated, hardened warrior that you must project to do your job, with your real, gentle, caring, feminine, interior? Rigel: Not really. Zara: Is it a sudden case of traumatic stress syndrome resulting from the long, tense centars and endless duty shifts necessary to maintain constant vigilance against the Cylons? Rigel: Not exactly. Zara: Is it a reaction to the miseries of life here in the fleet, to the deprivations of insufficient food and resources, and to being forced to live in overcrowded facilities without opportunities for leave time, recreation, and access to sunshine and fresh air? Rigel: Nah. Zara: Are you suffering a long-overdue and completely understandable nervous breakdown from your personal losses in the Destruction? Rigel: Uh-uh. Zara: Then what is it? Rigel: (Holding out her hand.) I broke a nail! Zara: What? Rigel: I broke a nail! It was in the dark! While that blasted Kiddie Liberation Front was holding the entire fleet hostage as part of its fiendish effort to take control of the bakeryship and have absolute control over all the mushies in the fleet! Zara: Really? Rigel: Can you imagine anything more horrendous? No more mushies for us... Rigel rushes off down the corridor, now screaming wildly, hair still streaming in the light, meadow-scented breeze. Zara: (Turns to videolator) A story, a real story! No more of these fluff pieces! Come on -- Like a puddy tat on the tent of a tweetie bird, Zara heads for the open door to the bridge, looking determined, then turns quickly to the videolator. Zara: Okay, this may be our only shot, so let’s get it right... This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF! Colonel Tigh comes racing off the bridge, running right into Zara and sending her sprawling. Tigh: (Keeping on going) Sorry. Priorities. Security issues. Duty. Crisis. Can’t stop. Gotta go. Zara: (he entrance to the bridge, she is nearly run over when Rigel comes rushing off the bridge, long unbraided hair streaming freely in the sudden, delicately scented breeze, sobbing. Rigel: (Dramatically.) I can’t take it any more! Zara: (Catching a think hank of hair and pulling Rigel to a stop.) Corporal Rigel! What can’t you take anymore? Is this the result of a problem with, say, the caff? Rigel: (Staring at Zara as if she’s demented.) The caff? What about the caff? Zara: Oh, why, nothing – have you noticed anything different about the caff? Rigel: If anyone messed with my caff, why, I’d...I’d have to do something drastic! Zara: (Quickly) No, no, I’d never do anything to the caff! Videolator: But, Zara–! Zara: Shut up! So, Rigel, what is the problem that has you running wildly from the bridge, if it’s not the caff? Are you being sexually harassed by your fellow officers because you’re a woman trying to do a man’s job in a militaristic, chauvinistic, patriarchal societ(Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, y? Rigel: No. Zara: Is it the difficulty of reconciling the external image of the dedicated, hardened warrior that you must project to do your job, with your real, gentle, caring, feminine, interior? Rigel: Not really. Zara: Is it a sudden case of traumatic stress syndrome resulting from the long, tense centars and endless duty shifts necessary to maintain constant vigilance against the Cylons? Rigel: Not exactly. Zara: Is it a reaction to the miseries of life here in the fleet, to the deprivations of insufficient food and resources, and to being forced to live in overcrowded facilities without opportunities for leave time, recreation, and access to sunshine and fresh air? Rigel: Nah. Zara: Are you suffering a long-overdue and completely understandable nervous breakdown from your personal losses in the Destruction? Rigel: Uh-uh. Zara: Then what is it? Rigel: (Holding out her hand.) I broke a nail! Zara: What? Rigel: I broke a nail! It was in the dark! While that blasted Kiddie Liberation Front was holding the entire fleet hostage as part of its fiendish effort to take control of the bakeryship and have absolute control over all the mushies in the fleet! Zara: Really? Rigel: Can you imagine anything more horrendous? No more mushies for us... Rigel rushes off down the corridor, now screaming wildly, hair still streaming in the light, meadow-scented breeze. Zara: (Turns to videolator) A story, a real story! No more of these fluff pieces! Come on -- Like a puddy tat on the tent of a tweetie bird, Zara heads for the open door to the bridge, looking determined, then turns quickly to the videolator. Zara: Okay, this may be our only shot, so let’s get it right... This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF! Colonel Tigh comes racing off the bridge, running right into Zara and sending her sprawling. Tigh: (Keeping on going) Sorry. Priorities. Security issues. Duty. Crisis. Can’t stop. Gotta go. Zara: (at blasted Kiddie Liberation Front was holding the entire fleet hostage as part of its fiendish effort to take control of the bakeryship and have absolute control over all the mushies in the fleet! Zara: Really? Rigel: Can you imagine anything more horrendous? No more mushies for us... Rigel rushes off down the corridor, now screaming wildly, hair still streaming in the light, meadow-scented breeze. Zara: (Turns to videolator) A story, a real story! No more of these fluff pieces! Come on -- Like a puddy tat on the tent of a tweetie bird, Zara heads for the open door to the bridge, looking determined, then turns quickly to the videolator. Zara: Okay, this may be our only shot, so let’s get it right... This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF! Colonel Tigh comes racing off the bridge, running right into Zara and sending her sprawling. Tigh: (Keeping on going) Sorry. Priorities. Security issues. Duty. Crisis. Can’t stop. Gotta go. Zara: (Beginning to sniffle.) But...but... All I want is a story...a real story... Is that too much to ask? Doesn’t anybody care about my needs? Videolator: Well, you’re not exactly Serina, you know. Zara: (Ticked off.) You had to mention her again, didn’t you... Zara slowly gets to her feet, glaring murderously. Wielding her microphone like a weapon, she begins to stalk her videolator, who shows the better part of valor by getting the hades out of there at maximum warp, pursued by the vengeful newscaster. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "It’s in here, with us...somewhere..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 13 Scene: A darkened conduit, somewhere in the launch bay of the Galactica. Crawling through the conduit are Apollo, Boomer, and Reese, in that order. Reese: Are we there yet? Apollo: (Patiently.) Not yet. But we should be approaching the junction soon; then we’ll have to start moving upward, until wey? Rigel: No. Zara: Is it the difficulty of reconciling the external image of the dedicated, hardened warrior that you must project to do your job, with your real, gentle, caring, feminine, interior? Rigel: Not really. Zara: Is it a sudden case of traumatic stress syndrome resulting from the long, tense centars and endless duty shifts necessary to maintain constant vigilance against the Cylons? Rigel: Not exactly. Zara: Is it a reaction to the miseries of life here in the fleet, to the deprivations of insufficient food and resources, and to being forced to live in overcrowded facilities without opportunities for leave time, recreation, and access to sunshine and fresh air? Rigel: Nah. Zara: Are you suffering a long-overdue and completely understandable nervous breakdown from your personal losses in the Destruction? Rigel: Uh-uh. Zara: Then what is it? Rigel: (Holding out her hand.) I broke a nail! Zara: What? Rigel: I broke a nail! It was in the dark! While ththe Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I at blasted Kiddie Liberation Front was holding the entire fleet hostage as part of its fiendish effort to take control of the bakeryship and have absolute control over all the mushies in the fleet! Zara: Really? Rigel: Can you imagine anything more horrendous? No more mushies for us... Rigel rushes off down the corridor, now screaming wildly, hair still streaming in the light, meadow-scented breeze. Zara: (Turns to videolator) A story, a real story! No more of these fluff pieces! Come on -- Like a puddy tat on the tent of a tweetie bird, Zara heads for the open door to the bridge, looking determined, then turns quickly to the videolator. Zara: Okay, this may be our only shot, so let’s get it right... This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF! Colonel Tigh comes racing off the bridge, running right into Zara and sending her sprawling. Tigh: (Keeping on going) Sorry. Priorities. Security issues. Duty. Crisis. Can’t stop. Gotta go. Zara: (Beginning to sniffle.) But...but... All I want is a story...a real story... Is that too much to ask? Doesn’t anybody care about my needs? Videolator: Well, you’re not exactly Serina, you know. Zara: (Ticked off.) You had to mention her again, didn’t you... Zara slowly gets to her feet, glaring murderously. Wielding her microphone like a weapon, she begins to stalk her videolator, who shows the better part of valor by getting the hades out of there at maximum warp, pursued by the vengeful newscaster. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "It’s in here, with us...somewhere..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 13 Scene: A darkened conduit, somewhere in the launch bay of the Galactica. Crawling through the conduit are Apollo, Boomer, and Reese, in that order. Reese: Are we there yet? Apollo: (Patiently.) Not yet. But we should be approaching the junction soon; then we’ll have to start moving upward, until weBeginning to sniffle.) But...but... All I want is a story...a real story... Is that too much to ask? Doesn’t anybody care about my needs? Videolator: Well, you’re not exactly Serina, you know. Zara: (Ticked off.) You had to mention her again, didn’t you... Zara slowly gets to her feet, glaring murderously. Wielding her microphone like a weapon, she begins to stalk her videolator, who shows the better part of valor by getting the hades out of there at maximum warp, pursued by the vengeful newscaster. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "It’s in here, with us...somewhere..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 13 Scene: A darkened conduit, somewhere in the launch bay of the Galactica. Crawling through the conduit are Apollo, Boomer, and Reese, in that order. Reese: Are we there yet? Apollo: (Patiently.) Not yet. But we should be approaching the junction soon; then we’ll have to start moving upward, until we reach the fork on the right. Boomer: I thought it was the fork on the left. Apollo: Not on the Galactica. Now, if you were on the Pegasus.... Boomer: We’d be dead. Reese: No, we wouldn’t. Are we there yet? Boomer: How would you know? Reese: Sheba said so. She’s certain her father, the great Commander Cain, is still alive and fighting, and someday he’ll fly to our rescue, just like he did last time, and save the day, only this time he’ll decide to stay with the fleet because he’s completed his mission out there and realizes this is where he really belongs, with the rest of surviving humanity. And then they’ll be joyously reunited, and I’ll get to meet my future father-in-law – whom Sheba assures me will absolutely love me. Apollo: (In falsetto) Wrong on all counts. Reese: (Scoffing.) Like you’d know. Like you’d really know anything about what’s in her heart and soul! Apollo: Have you been talking to Iblis too? Reese: As a matter of fact, I did -- are we there yet? at blasted Kiddie Liberation Front was holding the entire fleet hostage as part of its fiendish effort to take control of the bakeryship and have absolute control over all the mushies in the fleet! Zara: Really? Rigel: Can you imagine anything more horrendous? No more mushies for us... Rigel rushes off down the corridor, now screaming wildly, hair still streaming in the light, meadow-scented breeze. Zara: (Turns to videolator) A story, a real story! No more of these fluff pieces! Come on -- Like a puddy tat on the tent of a tweetie bird, Zara heads for the open door to the bridge, looking determined, then turns quickly to the videolator. Zara: Okay, this may be our only shot, so let’s get it right... This is Zara of IFB, with breaking news from the Galactica -- OOF! Colonel Tigh comes racing off the bridge, running right into Zara and sending her sprawling. Tigh: (Keeping on going) Sorry. Priorities. Security issues. Duty. Crisis. Can’t stop. Gotta go. Zara: ( could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. Beginning to sniffle.) But...but... All I want is a story...a real story... Is that too much to ask? Doesn’t anybody care about my needs? Videolator: Well, you’re not exactly Serina, you know. Zara: (Ticked off.) You had to mention her again, didn’t you... Zara slowly gets to her feet, glaring murderously. Wielding her microphone like a weapon, she begins to stalk her videolator, who shows the better part of valor by getting the hades out of there at maximum warp, pursued by the vengeful newscaster. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "It’s in here, with us...somewhere..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 13 Scene: A darkened conduit, somewhere in the launch bay of the Galactica. Crawling through the conduit are Apollo, Boomer, and Reese, in that order. Reese: Are we there yet? Apollo: (Patiently.) Not yet. But we should be approaching the junction soon; then we’ll have to start moving upward, until we reach the fork on the right. Boomer: I thought it was the fork on the left. Apollo: Not on the Galactica. Now, if you were on the Pegasus.... Boomer: We’d be dead. Reese: No, we wouldn’t. Are we there yet? Boomer: How would you know? Reese: Sheba said so. She’s certain her father, the great Commander Cain, is still alive and fighting, and someday he’ll fly to our rescue, just like he did last time, and save the day, only this time he’ll decide to stay with the fleet because he’s completed his mission out there and realizes this is where he really belongs, with the rest of surviving humanity. And then they’ll be joyously reunited, and I’ll get to meet my future father-in-law – whom Sheba assures me will absolutely love me. Apollo: (In falsetto) Wrong on all counts. Reese: (Scoffing.) Like you’d know. Like you’d really know anything about what’s in her heart and soul! Apollo: Have you been talking to Iblis too? Reese: As a matter of fact, I did -- are we there yet? reach the fork on the right. Boomer: I thought it was the fork on the left. Apollo: Not on the Galactica. Now, if you were on the Pegasus.... Boomer: We’d be dead. Reese: No, we wouldn’t. Are we there yet? Boomer: How would you know? Reese: Sheba said so. She’s certain her father, the great Commander Cain, is still alive and fighting, and someday he’ll fly to our rescue, just like he did last time, and save the day, only this time he’ll decide to stay with the fleet because he’s completed his mission out there and realizes this is where he really belongs, with the rest of surviving humanity. And then they’ll be joyously reunited, and I’ll get to meet my future father-in-law – whom Sheba assures me will absolutely love me. Apollo: (In falsetto) Wrong on all counts. Reese: (Scoffing.) Like you’d know. Like you’d really know anything about what’s in her heart and soul! Apollo: Have you been talking to Iblis too? Reese: As a matter of fact, I did -- are we there yet? Apollo: Why do you keep asking that?? Reese: Have you smelled Boomer’s feet recently? I can’t wait to get out of these close, confined spaces! Boomer: Hey, I can’t help it if we had to take off our boots to use the buckles to shimmy open the hatch so we could escape into the conduits or be roasted alive! Reese: You coulda put on clean socks this morning! Apollo: Reese, we’re all making do – the laundry ship is on strike, remember? We’re even having to rinse out our own cups! Reese: Ewh! Thank Kobol for small favors... Apollo: (Just as dramatically as Adama would.) Wait! What’s that? Boomer: What’s what? Apollo: That...that... Reese: (Forebodingly.) There’s something out there... Apollo: (Panicky.) It’s in here! With us! Somewhere.... Boomer: Apollo, let’s get outta here... Reese: (Now frantic) Where can we go? Apollo: (Feeling something catch his hand.) Yikes! Giles: (Having just grabbed Apollo’s hand) Yikes! Apollo: Giles? Giles: Apollo? ApolBeginning to sniffle.) But...but... All I want is a story...a real story... Is that too much to ask? Doesn’t anybody care about my needs? Videolator: Well, you’re not exactly Serina, you know. Zara: (Ticked off.) You had to mention her again, didn’t you... Zara slowly gets to her feet, glaring murderously. Wielding her microphone like a weapon, she begins to stalk her videolator, who shows the better part of valor by getting the hades out of there at maximum warp, pursued by the vengeful newscaster. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "It’s in here, with us...somewhere..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 13 Scene: A darkened conduit, somewhere in the launch bay of the Galactica. Crawling through the conduit are Apollo, Boomer, and Reese, in that order. Reese: Are we there yet? Apollo: (Patiently.) Not yet. But we should be approaching the junction soon; then we’ll have to start moving upward, until weWilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from S reach the fork on the right. Boomer: I thought it was the fork on the left. Apollo: Not on the Galactica. Now, if you were on the Pegasus.... Boomer: We’d be dead. Reese: No, we wouldn’t. Are we there yet? Boomer: How would you know? Reese: Sheba said so. She’s certain her father, the great Commander Cain, is still alive and fighting, and someday he’ll fly to our rescue, just like he did last time, and save the day, only this time he’ll decide to stay with the fleet because he’s completed his mission out there and realizes this is where he really belongs, with the rest of surviving humanity. And then they’ll be joyously reunited, and I’ll get to meet my future father-in-law – whom Sheba assures me will absolutely love me. Apollo: (In falsetto) Wrong on all counts. Reese: (Scoffing.) Like you’d know. Like you’d really know anything about what’s in her heart and soul! Apollo: Have you been talking to Iblis too? Reese: As a matter of fact, I did -- are we there yet? Apollo: Why do you keep asking that?? Reese: Have you smelled Boomer’s feet recently? I can’t wait to get out of these close, confined spaces! Boomer: Hey, I can’t help it if we had to take off our boots to use the buckles to shimmy open the hatch so we could escape into the conduits or be roasted alive! Reese: You coulda put on clean socks this morning! Apollo: Reese, we’re all making do – the laundry ship is on strike, remember? We’re even having to rinse out our own cups! Reese: Ewh! Thank Kobol for small favors... Apollo: (Just as dramatically as Adama would.) Wait! What’s that? Boomer: What’s what? Apollo: That...that... Reese: (Forebodingly.) There’s something out there... Apollo: (Panicky.) It’s in here! With us! Somewhere.... Boomer: Apollo, let’s get outta here... Reese: (Now frantic) Where can we go? Apollo: (Feeling something catch his hand.) Yikes! Giles: (Having just grabbed Apollo’s hand) Yikes! Apollo: Giles? Giles: Apollo? Apol Apollo: Why do you keep asking that?? Reese: Have you smelled Boomer’s feet recently? I can’t wait to get out of these close, confined spaces! Boomer: Hey, I can’t help it if we had to take off our boots to use the buckles to shimmy open the hatch so we could escape into the conduits or be roasted alive! Reese: You coulda put on clean socks this morning! Apollo: Reese, we’re all making do – the laundry ship is on strike, remember? We’re even having to rinse out our own cups! Reese: Ewh! Thank Kobol for small favors... Apollo: (Just as dramatically as Adama would.) Wait! What’s that? Boomer: What’s what? Apollo: That...that... Reese: (Forebodingly.) There’s something out there... Apollo: (Panicky.) It’s in here! With us! Somewhere.... Boomer: Apollo, let’s get outta here... Reese: (Now frantic) Where can we go? Apollo: (Feeling something catch his hand.) Yikes! Giles: (Having just grabbed Apollo’s hand) Yikes! Apollo: Giles? Giles: Apollo? Apollo and Giles both: What are you doing here? Apollo: I’m pulling rank – you tell first. Giles: Well, you’re the senior officer, you should go first. Apollo: Giles!!!! Giles: All right, all right! When the energizers went out, a lot of the doors were jammed shut. A bunch of us were trapped outside the O Club, with nowhere to drink, nowhere to talk with each other, nowhere to eat pretzels and throw around gooberpea shells, nowhere to sing karaoke, nowhere to have a good brawl – we had to find a way in, Apollo, we had to. We’re warriors, after all. So we went through the conduits. Apollo: I understand, Giles. I think I’d’a done the same thing. Giles: We heard mysterious sounds whispering through the conduit, and I was drafted...uh, I volunteered to investigate. Apollo: So how close are we? Giles: To the O Club? Oh, about six feet. Apollo, Boomer, and Reese all whoop for joy. Reese: Giles, if you were a girl, I’d kiss you! Giles: Reese, if I were a girl, I’d kick you! reach the fork on the right. Boomer: I thought it was the fork on the left. Apollo: Not on the Galactica. Now, if you were on the Pegasus.... Boomer: We’d be dead. Reese: No, we wouldn’t. Are we there yet? Boomer: How would you know? Reese: Sheba said so. She’s certain her father, the great Commander Cain, is still alive and fighting, and someday he’ll fly to our rescue, just like he did last time, and save the day, only this time he’ll decide to stay with the fleet because he’s completed his mission out there and realizes this is where he really belongs, with the rest of surviving humanity. And then they’ll be joyously reunited, and I’ll get to meet my future father-in-law – whom Sheba assures me will absolutely love me. Apollo: (In falsetto) Wrong on all counts. Reese: (Scoffing.) Like you’d know. Like you’d really know anything about what’s in her heart and soul! Apollo: Have you been talking to Iblis too? Reese: As a matter of fact, I did -- are we there yet? heba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now Apollo: Why do you keep asking that?? Reese: Have you smelled Boomer’s feet recently? I can’t wait to get out of these close, confined spaces! Boomer: Hey, I can’t help it if we had to take off our boots to use the buckles to shimmy open the hatch so we could escape into the conduits or be roasted alive! Reese: You coulda put on clean socks this morning! Apollo: Reese, we’re all making do – the laundry ship is on strike, remember? We’re even having to rinse out our own cups! Reese: Ewh! Thank Kobol for small favors... Apollo: (Just as dramatically as Adama would.) Wait! What’s that? Boomer: What’s what? Apollo: That...that... Reese: (Forebodingly.) There’s something out there... Apollo: (Panicky.) It’s in here! With us! Somewhere.... Boomer: Apollo, let’s get outta here... Reese: (Now frantic) Where can we go? Apollo: (Feeling something catch his hand.) Yikes! Giles: (Having just grabbed Apollo’s hand) Yikes! Apollo: Giles? Giles: Apollo? Apollo and Giles both: What are you doing here? Apollo: I’m pulling rank – you tell first. Giles: Well, you’re the senior officer, you should go first. Apollo: Giles!!!! Giles: All right, all right! When the energizers went out, a lot of the doors were jammed shut. A bunch of us were trapped outside the O Club, with nowhere to drink, nowhere to talk with each other, nowhere to eat pretzels and throw around gooberpea shells, nowhere to sing karaoke, nowhere to have a good brawl – we had to find a way in, Apollo, we had to. We’re warriors, after all. So we went through the conduits. Apollo: I understand, Giles. I think I’d’a done the same thing. Giles: We heard mysterious sounds whispering through the conduit, and I was drafted...uh, I volunteered to investigate. Apollo: So how close are we? Giles: To the O Club? Oh, about six feet. Apollo, Boomer, and Reese all whoop for joy. Reese: Giles, if you were a girl, I’d kiss you! Giles: Reese, if I were a girl, I’d kick you! lo and Giles both: What are you doing here? Apollo: I’m pulling rank – you tell first. Giles: Well, you’re the senior officer, you should go first. Apollo: Giles!!!! Giles: All right, all right! When the energizers went out, a lot of the doors were jammed shut. A bunch of us were trapped outside the O Club, with nowhere to drink, nowhere to talk with each other, nowhere to eat pretzels and throw around gooberpea shells, nowhere to sing karaoke, nowhere to have a good brawl – we had to find a way in, Apollo, we had to. We’re warriors, after all. So we went through the conduits. Apollo: I understand, Giles. I think I’d’a done the same thing. Giles: We heard mysterious sounds whispering through the conduit, and I was drafted...uh, I volunteered to investigate. Apollo: So how close are we? Giles: To the O Club? Oh, about six feet. Apollo, Boomer, and Reese all whoop for joy. Reese: Giles, if you were a girl, I’d kiss you! Giles: Reese, if I were a girl, I’d kick you! Apollo: Gee, Reese, and what would your precious Sheba say about you kissing other women? Boomer: Or worse, kissing other men! Reese: Well, hardy-har-har. You can sit here and insult me all you want, guys – but get out of my way and let me get to the O Club! All together: (With renewed vigor) The O Club! Yee-hah! Woo-hoo! Far out! Let’s go! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say "I’ve cornered the market on mushies, Adama...shall we make a deal?" ***"This is Zara of IFB, welcoming you to the 14th episode, completing the second full secton of this landmark series! Hurray! And while we’re here, let me introduce you to some new personnel here at IFB, starting with my very own new videolator! My previous videolator, unfortunately, met with a tragic accident and wound up spacing himself... But now, on to Episode 14!"*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 14 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Apollo: Why do you keep asking that?? Reese: Have you smelled Boomer’s feet recently? I can’t wait to get out of these close, confined spaces! Boomer: Hey, I can’t help it if we had to take off our boots to use the buckles to shimmy open the hatch so we could escape into the conduits or be roasted alive! Reese: You coulda put on clean socks this morning! Apollo: Reese, we’re all making do – the laundry ship is on strike, remember? We’re even having to rinse out our own cups! Reese: Ewh! Thank Kobol for small favors... Apollo: (Just as dramatically as Adama would.) Wait! What’s that? Boomer: What’s what? Apollo: That...that... Reese: (Forebodingly.) There’s something out there... Apollo: (Panicky.) It’s in here! With us! Somewhere.... Boomer: Apollo, let’s get outta here... Reese: (Now frantic) Where can we go? Apollo: (Feeling something catch his hand.) Yikes! Giles: (Having just grabbed Apollo’s hand) Yikes! Apollo: Giles? Giles: Apollo? Apolthat you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck malo and Giles both: What are you doing here? Apollo: I’m pulling rank – you tell first. Giles: Well, you’re the senior officer, you should go first. Apollo: Giles!!!! Giles: All right, all right! When the energizers went out, a lot of the doors were jammed shut. A bunch of us were trapped outside the O Club, with nowhere to drink, nowhere to talk with each other, nowhere to eat pretzels and throw around gooberpea shells, nowhere to sing karaoke, nowhere to have a good brawl – we had to find a way in, Apollo, we had to. We’re warriors, after all. So we went through the conduits. Apollo: I understand, Giles. I think I’d’a done the same thing. Giles: We heard mysterious sounds whispering through the conduit, and I was drafted...uh, I volunteered to investigate. Apollo: So how close are we? Giles: To the O Club? Oh, about six feet. Apollo, Boomer, and Reese all whoop for joy. Reese: Giles, if you were a girl, I’d kiss you! Giles: Reese, if I were a girl, I’d kick you! Apollo: Gee, Reese, and what would your precious Sheba say about you kissing other women? Boomer: Or worse, kissing other men! Reese: Well, hardy-har-har. You can sit here and insult me all you want, guys – but get out of my way and let me get to the O Club! All together: (With renewed vigor) The O Club! Yee-hah! Woo-hoo! Far out! Let’s go! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say "I’ve cornered the market on mushies, Adama...shall we make a deal?" ***"This is Zara of IFB, welcoming you to the 14th episode, completing the second full secton of this landmark series! Hurray! And while we’re here, let me introduce you to some new personnel here at IFB, starting with my very own new videolator! My previous videolator, unfortunately, met with a tragic accident and wound up spacing himself... But now, on to Episode 14!"*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 14 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Apollo: Gee, Reese, and what would your precious Sheba say about you kissing other women? Boomer: Or worse, kissing other men! Reese: Well, hardy-har-har. You can sit here and insult me all you want, guys – but get out of my way and let me get to the O Club! All together: (With renewed vigor) The O Club! Yee-hah! Woo-hoo! Far out! Let’s go! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say "I’ve cornered the market on mushies, Adama...shall we make a deal?" ***"This is Zara of IFB, welcoming you to the 14th episode, completing the second full secton of this landmark series! Hurray! And while we’re here, let me introduce you to some new personnel here at IFB, starting with my very own new videolator! My previous videolator, unfortunately, met with a tragic accident and wound up spacing himself... But now, on to Episode 14!"*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 14 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where power is being gradually restored. Athena: Sir, we’ve restored power – but Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front are still in control of Engineering and the energizers. Adama: (Muttering) I never liked that kid... Athena: What was that, Father? Adama: Never mind. What about the rest of the ship? Athena: We can maintain life support and communications, but we still can’t go anywhere. Adama: (Shaking his head.) A series set in space...that can’t boldly go anywhere...no new life, no new civilizations, no lost colonies of man... Who’ll care? Athena: Sir? A communique from the Kiddie Liberation Front – they say if we don’t start handing over mushies, they’re reactivate Muffey! Adama: If they think we’ll be scared of one little daggit... Athena: (Horrified) And...and they say they’ll make more Muffeys! One for every child in the fleet! All over the bridge are shouts and gulps of alarm, and one or two people even faint in shock. Tigh: Sir, this is serious...we may havlo and Giles both: What are you doing here? Apollo: I’m pulling rank – you tell first. Giles: Well, you’re the senior officer, you should go first. Apollo: Giles!!!! Giles: All right, all right! When the energizers went out, a lot of the doors were jammed shut. A bunch of us were trapped outside the O Club, with nowhere to drink, nowhere to talk with each other, nowhere to eat pretzels and throw around gooberpea shells, nowhere to sing karaoke, nowhere to have a good brawl – we had to find a way in, Apollo, we had to. We’re warriors, after all. So we went through the conduits. Apollo: I understand, Giles. I think I’d’a done the same thing. Giles: We heard mysterious sounds whispering through the conduit, and I was drafted...uh, I volunteered to investigate. Apollo: So how close are we? Giles: To the O Club? Oh, about six feet. Apollo, Boomer, and Reese all whoop for joy. Reese: Giles, if you were a girl, I’d kiss you! Giles: Reese, if I were a girl, I’d kick you! y be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s ph Apollo: Gee, Reese, and what would your precious Sheba say about you kissing other women? Boomer: Or worse, kissing other men! Reese: Well, hardy-har-har. You can sit here and insult me all you want, guys – but get out of my way and let me get to the O Club! All together: (With renewed vigor) The O Club! Yee-hah! Woo-hoo! Far out! Let’s go! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say "I’ve cornered the market on mushies, Adama...shall we make a deal?" ***"This is Zara of IFB, welcoming you to the 14th episode, completing the second full secton of this landmark series! Hurray! And while we’re here, let me introduce you to some new personnel here at IFB, starting with my very own new videolator! My previous videolator, unfortunately, met with a tragic accident and wound up spacing himself... But now, on to Episode 14!"*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 14 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where power is being gradually restored. Athena: Sir, we’ve restored power – but Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front are still in control of Engineering and the energizers. Adama: (Muttering) I never liked that kid... Athena: What was that, Father? Adama: Never mind. What about the rest of the ship? Athena: We can maintain life support and communications, but we still can’t go anywhere. Adama: (Shaking his head.) A series set in space...that can’t boldly go anywhere...no new life, no new civilizations, no lost colonies of man... Who’ll care? Athena: Sir? A communique from the Kiddie Liberation Front – they say if we don’t start handing over mushies, they’re reactivate Muffey! Adama: If they think we’ll be scared of one little daggit... Athena: (Horrified) And...and they say they’ll make more Muffeys! One for every child in the fleet! All over the bridge are shouts and gulps of alarm, and one or two people even faint in shock. Tigh: Sir, this is serious...we may hav power is being gradually restored. Athena: Sir, we’ve restored power – but Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front are still in control of Engineering and the energizers. Adama: (Muttering) I never liked that kid... Athena: What was that, Father? Adama: Never mind. What about the rest of the ship? Athena: We can maintain life support and communications, but we still can’t go anywhere. Adama: (Shaking his head.) A series set in space...that can’t boldly go anywhere...no new life, no new civilizations, no lost colonies of man... Who’ll care? Athena: Sir? A communique from the Kiddie Liberation Front – they say if we don’t start handing over mushies, they’re reactivate Muffey! Adama: If they think we’ll be scared of one little daggit... Athena: (Horrified) And...and they say they’ll make more Muffeys! One for every child in the fleet! All over the bridge are shouts and gulps of alarm, and one or two people even faint in shock. Tigh: Sir, this is serious...we may have to deal with them. Adama: (Shaking his head again) But to hand over the bakeryship...even at risk of a Muffey in every billet... Tigh, that runs against every tenet of our society. To give in to terrorism, to succumb to threats, to knuckle under to demands, to submit to repression, to give up our mushies under threat of muffeys– Tigh: (Aggravated) I get the point, sir. But what do we do? Adama: We need to do something... Have warrior security stand by in case they try to make a break with the daggits. And get me the captain of the bakeryship! Athena: Captain Robert, sir? Adama: Yes. Tigh: (A little nervously) Sir, are you sure we want to be dealing with him? Didn’t he used to be known as the Dread Pirate Robert? Adama: Any man’s entitled to change, Tigh. Tigh: A little change is one thing, sir...millions of cubits is another! Besides, what he charges for his chocos and mushies and other desserts, he’s still a pirate! Adama: Just get me Captain Robert. Athena: ( Apollo: Gee, Reese, and what would your precious Sheba say about you kissing other women? Boomer: Or worse, kissing other men! Reese: Well, hardy-har-har. You can sit here and insult me all you want, guys – but get out of my way and let me get to the O Club! All together: (With renewed vigor) The O Club! Yee-hah! Woo-hoo! Far out! Let’s go! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say "I’ve cornered the market on mushies, Adama...shall we make a deal?" ***"This is Zara of IFB, welcoming you to the 14th episode, completing the second full secton of this landmark series! Hurray! And while we’re here, let me introduce you to some new personnel here at IFB, starting with my very own new videolator! My previous videolator, unfortunately, met with a tragic accident and wound up spacing himself... But now, on to Episode 14!"*** "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 14 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, whereysical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test flig power is being gradually restored. Athena: Sir, we’ve restored power – but Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front are still in control of Engineering and the energizers. Adama: (Muttering) I never liked that kid... Athena: What was that, Father? Adama: Never mind. What about the rest of the ship? Athena: We can maintain life support and communications, but we still can’t go anywhere. Adama: (Shaking his head.) A series set in space...that can’t boldly go anywhere...no new life, no new civilizations, no lost colonies of man... Who’ll care? Athena: Sir? A communique from the Kiddie Liberation Front – they say if we don’t start handing over mushies, they’re reactivate Muffey! Adama: If they think we’ll be scared of one little daggit... Athena: (Horrified) And...and they say they’ll make more Muffeys! One for every child in the fleet! All over the bridge are shouts and gulps of alarm, and one or two people even faint in shock. Tigh: Sir, this is serious...we may have to deal with them. Adama: (Shaking his head again) But to hand over the bakeryship...even at risk of a Muffey in every billet... Tigh, that runs against every tenet of our society. To give in to terrorism, to succumb to threats, to knuckle under to demands, to submit to repression, to give up our mushies under threat of muffeys– Tigh: (Aggravated) I get the point, sir. But what do we do? Adama: We need to do something... Have warrior security stand by in case they try to make a break with the daggits. And get me the captain of the bakeryship! Athena: Captain Robert, sir? Adama: Yes. Tigh: (A little nervously) Sir, are you sure we want to be dealing with him? Didn’t he used to be known as the Dread Pirate Robert? Adama: Any man’s entitled to change, Tigh. Tigh: A little change is one thing, sir...millions of cubits is another! Besides, what he charges for his chocos and mushies and other desserts, he’s still a pirate! Adama: Just get me Captain Robert. Athena: (e to deal with them. Adama: (Shaking his head again) But to hand over the bakeryship...even at risk of a Muffey in every billet... Tigh, that runs against every tenet of our society. To give in to terrorism, to succumb to threats, to knuckle under to demands, to submit to repression, to give up our mushies under threat of muffeys– Tigh: (Aggravated) I get the point, sir. But what do we do? Adama: We need to do something... Have warrior security stand by in case they try to make a break with the daggits. And get me the captain of the bakeryship! Athena: Captain Robert, sir? Adama: Yes. Tigh: (A little nervously) Sir, are you sure we want to be dealing with him? Didn’t he used to be known as the Dread Pirate Robert? Adama: Any man’s entitled to change, Tigh. Tigh: A little change is one thing, sir...millions of cubits is another! Besides, what he charges for his chocos and mushies and other desserts, he’s still a pirate! Adama: Just get me Captain Robert. Athena: (Hesitantly) Father, I’ve got the bakeryship...but... Adama: But what? Put me through! Belloby: (Over the speaker) Hello again, Adama. Adama: (Shocked) Siress Belloby! What...what are you doing aboard the bakeryship? Belloby: (Over the speaker, chuckling) Let’s just say that Captain Robert and I go way back, and he owes me. So now, my dear Commander Adama, the bakeryship is mine. You could say I’ve cornered the market on mushies...shall we make a deal? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba’s plaintive cry "Will somebody please let me out of here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 15 Scene: A shuttle on the way to the Rising Star. Starbuck is in the pilot’s seat, very relieved to be safely away from the Jolly and Cassie Ship and the threat of perpetual babysitting. Chameleon is in the co-pilot’s seat. Behind them, a pair of boot-clad feet stick out of a bin, partially wrapped with colorful maypole ribbons like a K power is being gradually restored. Athena: Sir, we’ve restored power – but Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front are still in control of Engineering and the energizers. Adama: (Muttering) I never liked that kid... Athena: What was that, Father? Adama: Never mind. What about the rest of the ship? Athena: We can maintain life support and communications, but we still can’t go anywhere. Adama: (Shaking his head.) A series set in space...that can’t boldly go anywhere...no new life, no new civilizations, no lost colonies of man... Who’ll care? Athena: Sir? A communique from the Kiddie Liberation Front – they say if we don’t start handing over mushies, they’re reactivate Muffey! Adama: If they think we’ll be scared of one little daggit... Athena: (Horrified) And...and they say they’ll make more Muffeys! One for every child in the fleet! All over the bridge are shouts and gulps of alarm, and one or two people even faint in shock. Tigh: Sir, this is serious...we may havht. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: Hesitantly) Father, I’ve got the bakeryship...but... Adama: But what? Put me through! Belloby: (Over the speaker) Hello again, Adama. Adama: (Shocked) Siress Belloby! What...what are you doing aboard the bakeryship? Belloby: (Over the speaker, chuckling) Let’s just say that Captain Robert and I go way back, and he owes me. So now, my dear Commander Adama, the bakeryship is mine. You could say I’ve cornered the market on mushies...shall we make a deal? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba’s plaintive cry "Will somebody please let me out of here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 15 Scene: A shuttle on the way to the Rising Star. Starbuck is in the pilot’s seat, very relieved to be safely away from the Jolly and Cassie Ship and the threat of perpetual babysitting. Chameleon is in the co-pilot’s seat. Behind them, a pair of boot-clad feet stick out of a bin, partially wrapped with colorful maypole ribbons like a Ke to deal with them. Adama: (Shaking his head again) But to hand over the bakeryship...even at risk of a Muffey in every billet... Tigh, that runs against every tenet of our society. To give in to terrorism, to succumb to threats, to knuckle under to demands, to submit to repression, to give up our mushies under threat of muffeys– Tigh: (Aggravated) I get the point, sir. But what do we do? Adama: We need to do something... Have warrior security stand by in case they try to make a break with the daggits. And get me the captain of the bakeryship! Athena: Captain Robert, sir? Adama: Yes. Tigh: (A little nervously) Sir, are you sure we want to be dealing with him? Didn’t he used to be known as the Dread Pirate Robert? Adama: Any man’s entitled to change, Tigh. Tigh: A little change is one thing, sir...millions of cubits is another! Besides, what he charges for his chocos and mushies and other desserts, he’s still a pirate! Adama: Just get me Captain Robert. Athena: (Hesitantly) Father, I’ve got the bakeryship...but... Adama: But what? Put me through! Belloby: (Over the speaker) Hello again, Adama. Adama: (Shocked) Siress Belloby! What...what are you doing aboard the bakeryship? Belloby: (Over the speaker, chuckling) Let’s just say that Captain Robert and I go way back, and he owes me. So now, my dear Commander Adama, the bakeryship is mine. You could say I’ve cornered the market on mushies...shall we make a deal? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba’s plaintive cry "Will somebody please let me out of here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 15 Scene: A shuttle on the way to the Rising Star. Starbuck is in the pilot’s seat, very relieved to be safely away from the Jolly and Cassie Ship and the threat of perpetual babysitting. Chameleon is in the co-pilot’s seat. Behind them, a pair of boot-clad feet stick out of a bin, partially wrapped with colorful maypole ribbons like a Kobolian mummy, occasionally kicking. Sheba: (Plaintively) Will somebody please let me out of here? Chameleon and Starbuck glance back at the bin. Chameleon: Should we? Starbuck: Probably... She’s going to be angry enough when she gets out of there – we don’t want her mad at us, too. Chameleon goes to the bin and tips it over, allowing the Kobolian-mummy-wrapped warrior woman to slide out onto the floor like Cleopatra out of a carpet, only dressed. She claws her way out of the maypole ribbons and jumps to her feet, the fury evident in her eyes. Sheba: All right! Where’s Cassiopeia? I’m gonna... Chameleon: Last I saw of her, she was halfway up the girder in the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Sheba: Probably chased up there by her brats. Good for them. Okay, where are those kids that wrapped me up? Starbuck: Back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship too – well, except for the ones that are holding the fleet hostage on the Galactica, according to the security channel e to deal with them. Adama: (Shaking his head again) But to hand over the bakeryship...even at risk of a Muffey in every billet... Tigh, that runs against every tenet of our society. To give in to terrorism, to succumb to threats, to knuckle under to demands, to submit to repression, to give up our mushies under threat of muffeys– Tigh: (Aggravated) I get the point, sir. But what do we do? Adama: We need to do something... Have warrior security stand by in case they try to make a break with the daggits. And get me the captain of the bakeryship! Athena: Captain Robert, sir? Adama: Yes. Tigh: (A little nervously) Sir, are you sure we want to be dealing with him? Didn’t he used to be known as the Dread Pirate Robert? Adama: Any man’s entitled to change, Tigh. Tigh: A little change is one thing, sir...millions of cubits is another! Besides, what he charges for his chocos and mushies and other desserts, he’s still a pirate! Adama: Just get me Captain Robert. Athena: (The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylonsobolian mummy, occasionally kicking. Sheba: (Plaintively) Will somebody please let me out of here? Chameleon and Starbuck glance back at the bin. Chameleon: Should we? Starbuck: Probably... She’s going to be angry enough when she gets out of there – we don’t want her mad at us, too. Chameleon goes to the bin and tips it over, allowing the Kobolian-mummy-wrapped warrior woman to slide out onto the floor like Cleopatra out of a carpet, only dressed. She claws her way out of the maypole ribbons and jumps to her feet, the fury evident in her eyes. Sheba: All right! Where’s Cassiopeia? I’m gonna... Chameleon: Last I saw of her, she was halfway up the girder in the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Sheba: Probably chased up there by her brats. Good for them. Okay, where are those kids that wrapped me up? Starbuck: Back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship too – well, except for the ones that are holding the fleet hostage on the Galactica, according to the security channel obolian mummy, occasionally kicking. Sheba: (Plaintively) Will somebody please let me out of here? Chameleon and Starbuck glance back at the bin. Chameleon: Should we? Starbuck: Probably... She’s going to be angry enough when she gets out of there – we don’t want her mad at us, too. Chameleon goes to the bin and tips it over, allowing the Kobolian-mummy-wrapped warrior woman to slide out onto the floor like Cleopatra out of a carpet, only dressed. She claws her way out of the maypole ribbons and jumps to her feet, the fury evident in her eyes. Sheba: All right! Where’s Cassiopeia? I’m gonna... Chameleon: Last I saw of her, she was halfway up the girder in the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Sheba: Probably chased up there by her brats. Good for them. Okay, where are those kids that wrapped me up? Starbuck: Back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship too – well, except for the ones that are holding the fleet hostage on the Galactica, according to the security channel Hesitantly) Father, I’ve got the bakeryship...but... Adama: But what? Put me through! Belloby: (Over the speaker) Hello again, Adama. Adama: (Shocked) Siress Belloby! What...what are you doing aboard the bakeryship? Belloby: (Over the speaker, chuckling) Let’s just say that Captain Robert and I go way back, and he owes me. So now, my dear Commander Adama, the bakeryship is mine. You could say I’ve cornered the market on mushies...shall we make a deal? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba’s plaintive cry "Will somebody please let me out of here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 15 Scene: A shuttle on the way to the Rising Star. Starbuck is in the pilot’s seat, very relieved to be safely away from the Jolly and Cassie Ship and the threat of perpetual babysitting. Chameleon is in the co-pilot’s seat. Behind them, a pair of boot-clad feet stick out of a bin, partially wrapped with colorful maypole ribbons like a KI’ve been monitoring. Sheba: The fleet’s being held hostage? Is my dear sweet Reese all right? Does the security channel say anything about him? Chameleon and Starbuck exchange glances, with Starbuck rolling his eyes. Starbuck: Not that I’ve heard yet. But it sounds like Commander Adama personally is going to the bakeryship with a representative of the Kiddie Liberation Front to try to work out a deal to resolve the matter. Sheba: So where are we going? Starbuck: The Rising Star, of course. Chameleon found some loose cubits, so we’re going gambling. Sheba: Didn’t you get into trouble with that last time? Chameleon: (Cheerfully) Oh, we’re going to a different chancery this time. Very private. Great games. Big money. Beautiful women. Fantastic shows. High-octane booze. And everybody gets their own room, free, to sleep it off in – unless they’re willing to share a room, in which Sire Uri pays you to let him videotape it. Sheba: (Tossing her head so her hair flies in anHesitantly) Father, I’ve got the bakeryship...but... Adama: But what? Put me through! Belloby: (Over the speaker) Hello again, Adama. Adama: (Shocked) Siress Belloby! What...what are you doing aboard the bakeryship? Belloby: (Over the speaker, chuckling) Let’s just say that Captain Robert and I go way back, and he owes me. So now, my dear Commander Adama, the bakeryship is mine. You could say I’ve cornered the market on mushies...shall we make a deal? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba’s plaintive cry "Will somebody please let me out of here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 15 Scene: A shuttle on the way to the Rising Star. Starbuck is in the pilot’s seat, very relieved to be safely away from the Jolly and Cassie Ship and the threat of perpetual babysitting. Chameleon is in the co-pilot’s seat. Behind them, a pair of boot-clad feet stick out of a bin, partially wrapped with colorful maypole ribbons like a K have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s leI’ve been monitoring. Sheba: The fleet’s being held hostage? Is my dear sweet Reese all right? Does the security channel say anything about him? Chameleon and Starbuck exchange glances, with Starbuck rolling his eyes. Starbuck: Not that I’ve heard yet. But it sounds like Commander Adama personally is going to the bakeryship with a representative of the Kiddie Liberation Front to try to work out a deal to resolve the matter. Sheba: So where are we going? Starbuck: The Rising Star, of course. Chameleon found some loose cubits, so we’re going gambling. Sheba: Didn’t you get into trouble with that last time? Chameleon: (Cheerfully) Oh, we’re going to a different chancery this time. Very private. Great games. Big money. Beautiful women. Fantastic shows. High-octane booze. And everybody gets their own room, free, to sleep it off in – unless they’re willing to share a room, in which Sire Uri pays you to let him videotape it. Sheba: (Tossing her head so her hair flies in anI’ve been monitoring. Sheba: The fleet’s being held hostage? Is my dear sweet Reese all right? Does the security channel say anything about him? Chameleon and Starbuck exchange glances, with Starbuck rolling his eyes. Starbuck: Not that I’ve heard yet. But it sounds like Commander Adama personally is going to the bakeryship with a representative of the Kiddie Liberation Front to try to work out a deal to resolve the matter. Sheba: So where are we going? Starbuck: The Rising Star, of course. Chameleon found some loose cubits, so we’re going gambling. Sheba: Didn’t you get into trouble with that last time? Chameleon: (Cheerfully) Oh, we’re going to a different chancery this time. Very private. Great games. Big money. Beautiful women. Fantastic shows. High-octane booze. And everybody gets their own room, free, to sleep it off in – unless they’re willing to share a room, in which Sire Uri pays you to let him videotape it. Sheba: (Tossing her head so her hair flies in anobolian mummy, occasionally kicking. Sheba: (Plaintively) Will somebody please let me out of here? Chameleon and Starbuck glance back at the bin. Chameleon: Should we? Starbuck: Probably... She’s going to be angry enough when she gets out of there – we don’t want her mad at us, too. Chameleon goes to the bin and tips it over, allowing the Kobolian-mummy-wrapped warrior woman to slide out onto the floor like Cleopatra out of a carpet, only dressed. She claws her way out of the maypole ribbons and jumps to her feet, the fury evident in her eyes. Sheba: All right! Where’s Cassiopeia? I’m gonna... Chameleon: Last I saw of her, she was halfway up the girder in the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Sheba: Probably chased up there by her brats. Good for them. Okay, where are those kids that wrapped me up? Starbuck: Back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship too – well, except for the ones that are holding the fleet hostage on the Galactica, according to the security channel elegant circle around her face.) Pay people to let themselves be videotaped sleeping together? How boring! Starbuck and Chameleon exchange glances again. Starbuck: You really were protected as a child, weren’t you, Sheba? Sheba: Leave my father out of this. Chameleon: Do you want to go along, or do you want us to drop you off somewhere? Sheba: Well...is there anything there I’d like? Chameleon: Handsome men, great shows, secret shopping sprees among the most incredible luxury goods liberated by Sire Uri during the exodus– Sheba: (Wide-eyed) Ooh! Count me in! There’s no place to really shop in the fleet, and I haven’t had a new dress since I came aboard, and I had to leave my whole wardrobe back on the Pegasus. All I’ve got is that blue one I borrowed from Cassie, and the draped pink one I borrowed from Athena, and the sparkley green one I borrowed from Brie, and the flourescent white one I borrowed from Dierdre, and that slinky backless black I borrowed from Sorrell, and tobolian mummy, occasionally kicking. Sheba: (Plaintively) Will somebody please let me out of here? Chameleon and Starbuck glance back at the bin. Chameleon: Should we? Starbuck: Probably... She’s going to be angry enough when she gets out of there – we don’t want her mad at us, too. Chameleon goes to the bin and tips it over, allowing the Kobolian-mummy-wrapped warrior woman to slide out onto the floor like Cleopatra out of a carpet, only dressed. She claws her way out of the maypole ribbons and jumps to her feet, the fury evident in her eyes. Sheba: All right! Where’s Cassiopeia? I’m gonna... Chameleon: Last I saw of her, she was halfway up the girder in the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Sheba: Probably chased up there by her brats. Good for them. Okay, where are those kids that wrapped me up? Starbuck: Back on the Jolly and Cassie Ship too – well, except for the ones that are holding the fleet hostage on the Galactica, according to the security channel ft? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." " elegant circle around her face.) Pay people to let themselves be videotaped sleeping together? How boring! Starbuck and Chameleon exchange glances again. Starbuck: You really were protected as a child, weren’t you, Sheba? Sheba: Leave my father out of this. Chameleon: Do you want to go along, or do you want us to drop you off somewhere? Sheba: Well...is there anything there I’d like? Chameleon: Handsome men, great shows, secret shopping sprees among the most incredible luxury goods liberated by Sire Uri during the exodus– Sheba: (Wide-eyed) Ooh! Count me in! There’s no place to really shop in the fleet, and I haven’t had a new dress since I came aboard, and I had to leave my whole wardrobe back on the Pegasus. All I’ve got is that blue one I borrowed from Cassie, and the draped pink one I borrowed from Athena, and the sparkley green one I borrowed from Brie, and the flourescent white one I borrowed from Dierdre, and that slinky backless black I borrowed from Sorrell, and t elegant circle around her face.) Pay people to let themselves be videotaped sleeping together? How boring! Starbuck and Chameleon exchange glances again. Starbuck: You really were protected as a child, weren’t you, Sheba? Sheba: Leave my father out of this. Chameleon: Do you want to go along, or do you want us to drop you off somewhere? Sheba: Well...is there anything there I’d like? Chameleon: Handsome men, great shows, secret shopping sprees among the most incredible luxury goods liberated by Sire Uri during the exodus– Sheba: (Wide-eyed) Ooh! Count me in! There’s no place to really shop in the fleet, and I haven’t had a new dress since I came aboard, and I had to leave my whole wardrobe back on the Pegasus. All I’ve got is that blue one I borrowed from Cassie, and the draped pink one I borrowed from Athena, and the sparkley green one I borrowed from Brie, and the flourescent white one I borrowed from Dierdre, and that slinky backless black I borrowed from Sorrell, and tI’ve been monitoring. Sheba: The fleet’s being held hostage? Is my dear sweet Reese all right? Does the security channel say anything about him? Chameleon and Starbuck exchange glances, with Starbuck rolling his eyes. Starbuck: Not that I’ve heard yet. But it sounds like Commander Adama personally is going to the bakeryship with a representative of the Kiddie Liberation Front to try to work out a deal to resolve the matter. Sheba: So where are we going? Starbuck: The Rising Star, of course. Chameleon found some loose cubits, so we’re going gambling. Sheba: Didn’t you get into trouble with that last time? Chameleon: (Cheerfully) Oh, we’re going to a different chancery this time. Very private. Great games. Big money. Beautiful women. Fantastic shows. High-octane booze. And everybody gets their own room, free, to sleep it off in – unless they’re willing to share a room, in which Sire Uri pays you to let him videotape it. Sheba: (Tossing her head so her hair flies in anhat fringed irridescent purple thing slit up to here that I borrowed from Gemi, and the silvery sleeveless sheath I borrowed from Serina’s closet – she won’t use it anymore, after all -- and-- Starbuck: (Loudly) Gee, it’s too bad that you don’t have any dresses. Sheba: (Swatting the back of his head.) They’re not mine, they’re just borrowed! And never returned! And they’re not new! They weren’t made just for me by Couturiers of Caprica. I haven’t had any decent shopping since I came aboard, duh! Didn’t you hear? Chameleon: (Whispering to her) Actually, since Cassie conked him with a space-hockey puck, I’m not sure he understands everything he hears. Sheba: So how that does differ from before he got conked with a space-hockey puck? Chameleon opens his mouth to respond, reconsiders, then shrugs. Sheba: (Smug.) So, gentlemen, let’s go to the Rising Star! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say "I knew her, Horatio.I’ve been monitoring. Sheba: The fleet’s being held hostage? Is my dear sweet Reese all right? Does the security channel say anything about him? Chameleon and Starbuck exchange glances, with Starbuck rolling his eyes. Starbuck: Not that I’ve heard yet. But it sounds like Commander Adama personally is going to the bakeryship with a representative of the Kiddie Liberation Front to try to work out a deal to resolve the matter. Sheba: So where are we going? Starbuck: The Rising Star, of course. Chameleon found some loose cubits, so we’re going gambling. Sheba: Didn’t you get into trouble with that last time? Chameleon: (Cheerfully) Oh, we’re going to a different chancery this time. Very private. Great games. Big money. Beautiful women. Fantastic shows. High-octane booze. And everybody gets their own room, free, to sleep it off in – unless they’re willing to share a room, in which Sire Uri pays you to let him videotape it. Sheba: (Tossing her head so her hair flies in anJolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the bhat fringed irridescent purple thing slit up to here that I borrowed from Gemi, and the silvery sleeveless sheath I borrowed from Serina’s closet – she won’t use it anymore, after all -- and-- Starbuck: (Loudly) Gee, it’s too bad that you don’t have any dresses. Sheba: (Swatting the back of his head.) They’re not mine, they’re just borrowed! And never returned! And they’re not new! They weren’t made just for me by Couturiers of Caprica. I haven’t had any decent shopping since I came aboard, duh! Didn’t you hear? Chameleon: (Whispering to her) Actually, since Cassie conked him with a space-hockey puck, I’m not sure he understands everything he hears. Sheba: So how that does differ from before he got conked with a space-hockey puck? Chameleon opens his mouth to respond, reconsiders, then shrugs. Sheba: (Smug.) So, gentlemen, let’s go to the Rising Star! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say "I knew her, Horatio.hat fringed irridescent purple thing slit up to here that I borrowed from Gemi, and the silvery sleeveless sheath I borrowed from Serina’s closet – she won’t use it anymore, after all -- and-- Starbuck: (Loudly) Gee, it’s too bad that you don’t have any dresses. Sheba: (Swatting the back of his head.) They’re not mine, they’re just borrowed! And never returned! And they’re not new! They weren’t made just for me by Couturiers of Caprica. I haven’t had any decent shopping since I came aboard, duh! Didn’t you hear? Chameleon: (Whispering to her) Actually, since Cassie conked him with a space-hockey puck, I’m not sure he understands everything he hears. Sheba: So how that does differ from before he got conked with a space-hockey puck? Chameleon opens his mouth to respond, reconsiders, then shrugs. Sheba: (Smug.) So, gentlemen, let’s go to the Rising Star! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say "I knew her, Horatio. elegant circle around her face.) Pay people to let themselves be videotaped sleeping together? How boring! Starbuck and Chameleon exchange glances again. Starbuck: You really were protected as a child, weren’t you, Sheba? Sheba: Leave my father out of this. Chameleon: Do you want to go along, or do you want us to drop you off somewhere? Sheba: Well...is there anything there I’d like? Chameleon: Handsome men, great shows, secret shopping sprees among the most incredible luxury goods liberated by Sire Uri during the exodus– Sheba: (Wide-eyed) Ooh! Count me in! There’s no place to really shop in the fleet, and I haven’t had a new dress since I came aboard, and I had to leave my whole wardrobe back on the Pegasus. All I’ve got is that blue one I borrowed from Cassie, and the draped pink one I borrowed from Athena, and the sparkley green one I borrowed from Brie, and the flourescent white one I borrowed from Dierdre, and that slinky backless black I borrowed from Sorrell, and t.." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 16 Scene: The secret chancery aboard the Rising Star, where high-cubit wagerers come to risk their luck against Sire Uri’s rigged games. Lots of music, lots of lights, lots of women in form-fitting gowns cut down to here and up to there, and plenty of men in tight black leather and metallic silver clothes lifted straight out of "Cleopatra 2525." (Excuse me while I go out for air -- "Oh, Mauser, why did you have to be an android and not fully functional?") Chameleon, Starbuck, and Sheba are at the door. Chameleon: Ah, the most wretched remaining hive of scum and villainy in the fleet... The doorman/bouncer approaches. Starbuck: Oh-oh, he looks like trouble, Chameleon, should I–? Chameleon: (Holding out a hand to restrain the warrior.) Oh, no, Starbuck, Horatio and I go back a long way. Horatio: (The doorman/bouncer, in case you hadn’t guessed.) Why, Chameleon, so good to see you again. You’ve found more cubits to lose? Chameleon: elegant circle around her face.) Pay people to let themselves be videotaped sleeping together? How boring! Starbuck and Chameleon exchange glances again. Starbuck: You really were protected as a child, weren’t you, Sheba? Sheba: Leave my father out of this. Chameleon: Do you want to go along, or do you want us to drop you off somewhere? Sheba: Well...is there anything there I’d like? Chameleon: Handsome men, great shows, secret shopping sprees among the most incredible luxury goods liberated by Sire Uri during the exodus– Sheba: (Wide-eyed) Ooh! Count me in! There’s no place to really shop in the fleet, and I haven’t had a new dress since I came aboard, and I had to leave my whole wardrobe back on the Pegasus. All I’ve got is that blue one I borrowed from Cassie, and the draped pink one I borrowed from Athena, and the sparkley green one I borrowed from Brie, and the flourescent white one I borrowed from Dierdre, and that slinky backless black I borrowed from Sorrell, and tarrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: .." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 16 Scene: The secret chancery aboard the Rising Star, where high-cubit wagerers come to risk their luck against Sire Uri’s rigged games. Lots of music, lots of lights, lots of women in form-fitting gowns cut down to here and up to there, and plenty of men in tight black leather and metallic silver clothes lifted straight out of "Cleopatra 2525." (Excuse me while I go out for air -- "Oh, Mauser, why did you have to be an android and not fully functional?") Chameleon, Starbuck, and Sheba are at the door. Chameleon: Ah, the most wretched remaining hive of scum and villainy in the fleet... The doorman/bouncer approaches. Starbuck: Oh-oh, he looks like trouble, Chameleon, should I–? Chameleon: (Holding out a hand to restrain the warrior.) Oh, no, Starbuck, Horatio and I go back a long way. Horatio: (The doorman/bouncer, in case you hadn’t guessed.) Why, Chameleon, so good to see you again. You’ve found more cubits to lose? Chameleon:.." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 16 Scene: The secret chancery aboard the Rising Star, where high-cubit wagerers come to risk their luck against Sire Uri’s rigged games. Lots of music, lots of lights, lots of women in form-fitting gowns cut down to here and up to there, and plenty of men in tight black leather and metallic silver clothes lifted straight out of "Cleopatra 2525." (Excuse me while I go out for air -- "Oh, Mauser, why did you have to be an android and not fully functional?") Chameleon, Starbuck, and Sheba are at the door. Chameleon: Ah, the most wretched remaining hive of scum and villainy in the fleet... The doorman/bouncer approaches. Starbuck: Oh-oh, he looks like trouble, Chameleon, should I–? Chameleon: (Holding out a hand to restrain the warrior.) Oh, no, Starbuck, Horatio and I go back a long way. Horatio: (The doorman/bouncer, in case you hadn’t guessed.) Why, Chameleon, so good to see you again. You’ve found more cubits to lose? Chameleon:hat fringed irridescent purple thing slit up to here that I borrowed from Gemi, and the silvery sleeveless sheath I borrowed from Serina’s closet – she won’t use it anymore, after all -- and-- Starbuck: (Loudly) Gee, it’s too bad that you don’t have any dresses. Sheba: (Swatting the back of his head.) They’re not mine, they’re just borrowed! And never returned! And they’re not new! They weren’t made just for me by Couturiers of Caprica. I haven’t had any decent shopping since I came aboard, duh! Didn’t you hear? Chameleon: (Whispering to her) Actually, since Cassie conked him with a space-hockey puck, I’m not sure he understands everything he hears. Sheba: So how that does differ from before he got conked with a space-hockey puck? Chameleon opens his mouth to respond, reconsiders, then shrugs. Sheba: (Smug.) So, gentlemen, let’s go to the Rising Star! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say "I knew her, Horatio. (Grinning) I have a new system – and this time, I may even beat your games. Horatio: (Also grinning familiarly) You wish! I hear that from you every time you come in here. You haven’t yet! So, who are your friends? Chameleon: Well, this is Lieutenant Starbuck, my s...special friend. Horatio: (Winking) Oh, your special friend... Chameleon: No, not that kind of special. Just...a very good friend. Horatio: Whatever you say. And the lady? (He does a double-take, looking at Sheba.) Chameleon: This is Lieutenant Sheba. Also a friend. Horatio: Wow! You like just like Delilah! Chameleon: (Smiling widely.) Delilah! Ahhh, I knew her, Horatio... Starbuck: (Grinning at Chameleon as he winks and nudges the old man with an elbow.) And how well did you know her? Chameleon: (Smiling with very fond remembrance.) Well enough, Starbuck... A woman of infinite jest, infinite wit. Age could not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. And there was this thing she did wihat fringed irridescent purple thing slit up to here that I borrowed from Gemi, and the silvery sleeveless sheath I borrowed from Serina’s closet – she won’t use it anymore, after all -- and-- Starbuck: (Loudly) Gee, it’s too bad that you don’t have any dresses. Sheba: (Swatting the back of his head.) They’re not mine, they’re just borrowed! And never returned! And they’re not new! They weren’t made just for me by Couturiers of Caprica. I haven’t had any decent shopping since I came aboard, duh! Didn’t you hear? Chameleon: (Whispering to her) Actually, since Cassie conked him with a space-hockey puck, I’m not sure he understands everything he hears. Sheba: So how that does differ from before he got conked with a space-hockey puck? Chameleon opens his mouth to respond, reconsiders, then shrugs. Sheba: (Smug.) So, gentlemen, let’s go to the Rising Star! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say "I knew her, Horatio.No, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships ar (Grinning) I have a new system – and this time, I may even beat your games. Horatio: (Also grinning familiarly) You wish! I hear that from you every time you come in here. You haven’t yet! So, who are your friends? Chameleon: Well, this is Lieutenant Starbuck, my s...special friend. Horatio: (Winking) Oh, your special friend... Chameleon: No, not that kind of special. Just...a very good friend. Horatio: Whatever you say. And the lady? (He does a double-take, looking at Sheba.) Chameleon: This is Lieutenant Sheba. Also a friend. Horatio: Wow! You like just like Delilah! Chameleon: (Smiling widely.) Delilah! Ahhh, I knew her, Horatio... Starbuck: (Grinning at Chameleon as he winks and nudges the old man with an elbow.) And how well did you know her? Chameleon: (Smiling with very fond remembrance.) Well enough, Starbuck... A woman of infinite jest, infinite wit. Age could not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. And there was this thing she did wi (Grinning) I have a new system – and this time, I may even beat your games. Horatio: (Also grinning familiarly) You wish! I hear that from you every time you come in here. You haven’t yet! So, who are your friends? Chameleon: Well, this is Lieutenant Starbuck, my s...special friend. Horatio: (Winking) Oh, your special friend... Chameleon: No, not that kind of special. Just...a very good friend. Horatio: Whatever you say. And the lady? (He does a double-take, looking at Sheba.) Chameleon: This is Lieutenant Sheba. Also a friend. Horatio: Wow! You like just like Delilah! Chameleon: (Smiling widely.) Delilah! Ahhh, I knew her, Horatio... Starbuck: (Grinning at Chameleon as he winks and nudges the old man with an elbow.) And how well did you know her? Chameleon: (Smiling with very fond remembrance.) Well enough, Starbuck... A woman of infinite jest, infinite wit. Age could not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. And there was this thing she did wi.." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 16 Scene: The secret chancery aboard the Rising Star, where high-cubit wagerers come to risk their luck against Sire Uri’s rigged games. Lots of music, lots of lights, lots of women in form-fitting gowns cut down to here and up to there, and plenty of men in tight black leather and metallic silver clothes lifted straight out of "Cleopatra 2525." (Excuse me while I go out for air -- "Oh, Mauser, why did you have to be an android and not fully functional?") Chameleon, Starbuck, and Sheba are at the door. Chameleon: Ah, the most wretched remaining hive of scum and villainy in the fleet... The doorman/bouncer approaches. Starbuck: Oh-oh, he looks like trouble, Chameleon, should I–? Chameleon: (Holding out a hand to restrain the warrior.) Oh, no, Starbuck, Horatio and I go back a long way. Horatio: (The doorman/bouncer, in case you hadn’t guessed.) Why, Chameleon, so good to see you again. You’ve found more cubits to lose? Chameleon:th carpets... But...Sheba? What is it? Sheba: (Initially delighted, then puzzled.) Delilah was my mother! How could you know... Chameleon and Sheba stare at each quizzically. Horatio discretely flees the scene, vanishing into the crowd. Sheba: You knew my mother? Chameleon: Delilah was your mother? Sheba: Yes! That’s what I said! Can’t any of you men hear? All color drains from Chameleon’s face as he studies hers. Sheba: Not...no, you didn’t know her...oh, not that well...? Starbuck: Oh-oh. That explains a few things... (He now makes a break for it, vanishing into the crowd.) Chameleon: Uhm, yes, I’m...afraid so... The crowd is beginning to notice. They begin to draw back. Sheba: (Dangerously, her rage and shock barely under control, on the edge of explosion.) Are you telling me I may not really be the daughter of the great Commander Cain – but of a common wagerer? Chameleon: (Apologetically, hunching his shoulders) It’s...possible... Sheba: No...you...cou.." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" – Episode 16 Scene: The secret chancery aboard the Rising Star, where high-cubit wagerers come to risk their luck against Sire Uri’s rigged games. Lots of music, lots of lights, lots of women in form-fitting gowns cut down to here and up to there, and plenty of men in tight black leather and metallic silver clothes lifted straight out of "Cleopatra 2525." (Excuse me while I go out for air -- "Oh, Mauser, why did you have to be an android and not fully functional?") Chameleon, Starbuck, and Sheba are at the door. Chameleon: Ah, the most wretched remaining hive of scum and villainy in the fleet... The doorman/bouncer approaches. Starbuck: Oh-oh, he looks like trouble, Chameleon, should I–? Chameleon: (Holding out a hand to restrain the warrior.) Oh, no, Starbuck, Horatio and I go back a long way. Horatio: (The doorman/bouncer, in case you hadn’t guessed.) Why, Chameleon, so good to see you again. You’ve found more cubits to lose? Chameleon:e exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mysterth carpets... But...Sheba? What is it? Sheba: (Initially delighted, then puzzled.) Delilah was my mother! How could you know... Chameleon and Sheba stare at each quizzically. Horatio discretely flees the scene, vanishing into the crowd. Sheba: You knew my mother? Chameleon: Delilah was your mother? Sheba: Yes! That’s what I said! Can’t any of you men hear? All color drains from Chameleon’s face as he studies hers. Sheba: Not...no, you didn’t know her...oh, not that well...? Starbuck: Oh-oh. That explains a few things... (He now makes a break for it, vanishing into the crowd.) Chameleon: Uhm, yes, I’m...afraid so... The crowd is beginning to notice. They begin to draw back. Sheba: (Dangerously, her rage and shock barely under control, on the edge of explosion.) Are you telling me I may not really be the daughter of the great Commander Cain – but of a common wagerer? Chameleon: (Apologetically, hunching his shoulders) It’s...possible... Sheba: No...you...couth carpets... But...Sheba? What is it? Sheba: (Initially delighted, then puzzled.) Delilah was my mother! How could you know... Chameleon and Sheba stare at each quizzically. Horatio discretely flees the scene, vanishing into the crowd. Sheba: You knew my mother? Chameleon: Delilah was your mother? Sheba: Yes! That’s what I said! Can’t any of you men hear? All color drains from Chameleon’s face as he studies hers. Sheba: Not...no, you didn’t know her...oh, not that well...? Starbuck: Oh-oh. That explains a few things... (He now makes a break for it, vanishing into the crowd.) Chameleon: Uhm, yes, I’m...afraid so... The crowd is beginning to notice. They begin to draw back. Sheba: (Dangerously, her rage and shock barely under control, on the edge of explosion.) Are you telling me I may not really be the daughter of the great Commander Cain – but of a common wagerer? Chameleon: (Apologetically, hunching his shoulders) It’s...possible... Sheba: No...you...cou (Grinning) I have a new system – and this time, I may even beat your games. Horatio: (Also grinning familiarly) You wish! I hear that from you every time you come in here. You haven’t yet! So, who are your friends? Chameleon: Well, this is Lieutenant Starbuck, my s...special friend. Horatio: (Winking) Oh, your special friend... Chameleon: No, not that kind of special. Just...a very good friend. Horatio: Whatever you say. And the lady? (He does a double-take, looking at Sheba.) Chameleon: This is Lieutenant Sheba. Also a friend. Horatio: Wow! You like just like Delilah! Chameleon: (Smiling widely.) Delilah! Ahhh, I knew her, Horatio... Starbuck: (Grinning at Chameleon as he winks and nudges the old man with an elbow.) And how well did you know her? Chameleon: (Smiling with very fond remembrance.) Well enough, Starbuck... A woman of infinite jest, infinite wit. Age could not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. And there was this thing she did wildn’t be...my father... The crowd breaks into a stampede of gallops, heading for the turbolifts, the corridors, the side rooms, under the tables, anywhere they might be out of range. Sheba. It’s not bad enough I’ve been abandoned by one father, now I find out I’ve been abandoned by two? As well as by an idiot who can’t see beyond his first wife? Men! You’re all alike! Chameleon: But I didn't know...! And I thought you and Reese.... Sheba: That twit? I only dated him to make Apollo suffer – but now I can see I’m never going to waste my time with any of you again! (Turns and stalks out, but pauses for just a micron.) By the way, I’m taking the shuttle – find your own way home! She slams the door behind her and vanishes. Yes, I know, you can’t slam a hatch. But believe me, Sheba’s mad enough that when she decides to slam the hatch, it knows better than to object! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "So, Adama, (Grinning) I have a new system – and this time, I may even beat your games. Horatio: (Also grinning familiarly) You wish! I hear that from you every time you come in here. You haven’t yet! So, who are your friends? Chameleon: Well, this is Lieutenant Starbuck, my s...special friend. Horatio: (Winking) Oh, your special friend... Chameleon: No, not that kind of special. Just...a very good friend. Horatio: Whatever you say. And the lady? (He does a double-take, looking at Sheba.) Chameleon: This is Lieutenant Sheba. Also a friend. Horatio: Wow! You like just like Delilah! Chameleon: (Smiling widely.) Delilah! Ahhh, I knew her, Horatio... Starbuck: (Grinning at Chameleon as he winks and nudges the old man with an elbow.) And how well did you know her? Chameleon: (Smiling with very fond remembrance.) Well enough, Starbuck... A woman of infinite jest, infinite wit. Age could not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. And there was this thing she did wiious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly ldn’t be...my father... The crowd breaks into a stampede of gallops, heading for the turbolifts, the corridors, the side rooms, under the tables, anywhere they might be out of range. Sheba. It’s not bad enough I’ve been abandoned by one father, now I find out I’ve been abandoned by two? As well as by an idiot who can’t see beyond his first wife? Men! You’re all alike! Chameleon: But I didn't know...! And I thought you and Reese.... Sheba: That twit? I only dated him to make Apollo suffer – but now I can see I’m never going to waste my time with any of you again! (Turns and stalks out, but pauses for just a micron.) By the way, I’m taking the shuttle – find your own way home! She slams the door behind her and vanishes. Yes, I know, you can’t slam a hatch. But believe me, Sheba’s mad enough that when she decides to slam the hatch, it knows better than to object! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "So, Adama, ldn’t be...my father... The crowd breaks into a stampede of gallops, heading for the turbolifts, the corridors, the side rooms, under the tables, anywhere they might be out of range. Sheba. It’s not bad enough I’ve been abandoned by one father, now I find out I’ve been abandoned by two? As well as by an idiot who can’t see beyond his first wife? Men! You’re all alike! Chameleon: But I didn't know...! And I thought you and Reese.... Sheba: That twit? I only dated him to make Apollo suffer – but now I can see I’m never going to waste my time with any of you again! (Turns and stalks out, but pauses for just a micron.) By the way, I’m taking the shuttle – find your own way home! She slams the door behind her and vanishes. Yes, I know, you can’t slam a hatch. But believe me, Sheba’s mad enough that when she decides to slam the hatch, it knows better than to object! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "So, Adama, th carpets... But...Sheba? What is it? Sheba: (Initially delighted, then puzzled.) Delilah was my mother! How could you know... Chameleon and Sheba stare at each quizzically. Horatio discretely flees the scene, vanishing into the crowd. Sheba: You knew my mother? Chameleon: Delilah was your mother? Sheba: Yes! That’s what I said! Can’t any of you men hear? All color drains from Chameleon’s face as he studies hers. Sheba: Not...no, you didn’t know her...oh, not that well...? Starbuck: Oh-oh. That explains a few things... (He now makes a break for it, vanishing into the crowd.) Chameleon: Uhm, yes, I’m...afraid so... The crowd is beginning to notice. They begin to draw back. Sheba: (Dangerously, her rage and shock barely under control, on the edge of explosion.) Are you telling me I may not really be the daughter of the great Commander Cain – but of a common wagerer? Chameleon: (Apologetically, hunching his shoulders) It’s...possible... Sheba: No...you...coulet’s talk sweetness and mushies..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 17 Scene: Aboard the Bakeryship, Adama, Apollo (only slightly inebriated, which explains the shuttle flight) and Omega, representatives of the fleet, and Boxey and Child #98, representatives of the Kiddie Liberation Front, have come to meet with Siress Belloby and the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert, who have cornered the market on mushies. Belloby is fashionably late; the others talk among themselves. Boxey: Let me do the talking, #98. Granpa will listen to me. Child #98: It sounds like Siress Belloby will be the one doing the talking... Boxey: Yeah, she does that a lot. But I know Granpa - he’ll do whatever it takes to get us mushies, and that means he’ll do whatever the Siress asks. I know - he’s done it before. Child #98: (Delighted.) So we’ll soon have mushies! Boxey: Yeah... Adama: Now, all right, Apollo, remember what I told you the last time. You are not part of this, and I will not th carpets... But...Sheba? What is it? Sheba: (Initially delighted, then puzzled.) Delilah was my mother! How could you know... Chameleon and Sheba stare at each quizzically. Horatio discretely flees the scene, vanishing into the crowd. Sheba: You knew my mother? Chameleon: Delilah was your mother? Sheba: Yes! That’s what I said! Can’t any of you men hear? All color drains from Chameleon’s face as he studies hers. Sheba: Not...no, you didn’t know her...oh, not that well...? Starbuck: Oh-oh. That explains a few things... (He now makes a break for it, vanishing into the crowd.) Chameleon: Uhm, yes, I’m...afraid so... The crowd is beginning to notice. They begin to draw back. Sheba: (Dangerously, her rage and shock barely under control, on the edge of explosion.) Are you telling me I may not really be the daughter of the great Commander Cain – but of a common wagerer? Chameleon: (Apologetically, hunching his shoulders) It’s...possible... Sheba: No...you...couexplode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman let’s talk sweetness and mushies..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 17 Scene: Aboard the Bakeryship, Adama, Apollo (only slightly inebriated, which explains the shuttle flight) and Omega, representatives of the fleet, and Boxey and Child #98, representatives of the Kiddie Liberation Front, have come to meet with Siress Belloby and the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert, who have cornered the market on mushies. Belloby is fashionably late; the others talk among themselves. Boxey: Let me do the talking, #98. Granpa will listen to me. Child #98: It sounds like Siress Belloby will be the one doing the talking... Boxey: Yeah, she does that a lot. But I know Granpa - he’ll do whatever it takes to get us mushies, and that means he’ll do whatever the Siress asks. I know - he’s done it before. Child #98: (Delighted.) So we’ll soon have mushies! Boxey: Yeah... Adama: Now, all right, Apollo, remember what I told you the last time. You are not part of this, and I will not let’s talk sweetness and mushies..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 17 Scene: Aboard the Bakeryship, Adama, Apollo (only slightly inebriated, which explains the shuttle flight) and Omega, representatives of the fleet, and Boxey and Child #98, representatives of the Kiddie Liberation Front, have come to meet with Siress Belloby and the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert, who have cornered the market on mushies. Belloby is fashionably late; the others talk among themselves. Boxey: Let me do the talking, #98. Granpa will listen to me. Child #98: It sounds like Siress Belloby will be the one doing the talking... Boxey: Yeah, she does that a lot. But I know Granpa - he’ll do whatever it takes to get us mushies, and that means he’ll do whatever the Siress asks. I know - he’s done it before. Child #98: (Delighted.) So we’ll soon have mushies! Boxey: Yeah... Adama: Now, all right, Apollo, remember what I told you the last time. You are not part of this, and I will not ldn’t be...my father... The crowd breaks into a stampede of gallops, heading for the turbolifts, the corridors, the side rooms, under the tables, anywhere they might be out of range. Sheba. It’s not bad enough I’ve been abandoned by one father, now I find out I’ve been abandoned by two? As well as by an idiot who can’t see beyond his first wife? Men! You’re all alike! Chameleon: But I didn't know...! And I thought you and Reese.... Sheba: That twit? I only dated him to make Apollo suffer – but now I can see I’m never going to waste my time with any of you again! (Turns and stalks out, but pauses for just a micron.) By the way, I’m taking the shuttle – find your own way home! She slams the door behind her and vanishes. Yes, I know, you can’t slam a hatch. But believe me, Sheba’s mad enough that when she decides to slam the hatch, it knows better than to object! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "So, Adama, embarrass you, so let’s just get it over with. Apollo: (Groaning.) I remember what happened last time. I thought she gave up on you, and was looking for a younger man, a real animal... Adama: (Studying Apollo in a new light.) Hmmm. Apollo: (Quickly turning to Omega.) Are we prepared to negotiate? Omega: As ready as we’ll ever be. (Glancing at the list of demands prepared by Adama and Tigh.) We want Jolly and Cassie’s kids to leave the Galactica and never return - Salik especially endorses that one. We want them to take Muffey with them and never bring him back. And we want them to stop wrapping our crew and pilots like Kobolian mummies. Adama: (Nodding very solemnly.) Yes, that about covers it. Omega: And in return, they want the bakeryship tethered to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, with complete and free access to mushies, chocos, sweetums, etc., at our expense, at any centar of the day. Apollo: Oooh, can you imagine how many mushies they’ll eat in a day? Adama: (Thoughtfldn’t be...my father... The crowd breaks into a stampede of gallops, heading for the turbolifts, the corridors, the side rooms, under the tables, anywhere they might be out of range. Sheba. It’s not bad enough I’ve been abandoned by one father, now I find out I’ve been abandoned by two? As well as by an idiot who can’t see beyond his first wife? Men! You’re all alike! Chameleon: But I didn't know...! And I thought you and Reese.... Sheba: That twit? I only dated him to make Apollo suffer – but now I can see I’m never going to waste my time with any of you again! (Turns and stalks out, but pauses for just a micron.) By the way, I’m taking the shuttle – find your own way home! She slams the door behind her and vanishes. Yes, I know, you can’t slam a hatch. But believe me, Sheba’s mad enough that when she decides to slam the hatch, it knows better than to object! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "So, Adama, has to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his embarrass you, so let’s just get it over with. Apollo: (Groaning.) I remember what happened last time. I thought she gave up on you, and was looking for a younger man, a real animal... Adama: (Studying Apollo in a new light.) Hmmm. Apollo: (Quickly turning to Omega.) Are we prepared to negotiate? Omega: As ready as we’ll ever be. (Glancing at the list of demands prepared by Adama and Tigh.) We want Jolly and Cassie’s kids to leave the Galactica and never return - Salik especially endorses that one. We want them to take Muffey with them and never bring him back. And we want them to stop wrapping our crew and pilots like Kobolian mummies. Adama: (Nodding very solemnly.) Yes, that about covers it. Omega: And in return, they want the bakeryship tethered to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, with complete and free access to mushies, chocos, sweetums, etc., at our expense, at any centar of the day. Apollo: Oooh, can you imagine how many mushies they’ll eat in a day? Adama: (Thoughtfembarrass you, so let’s just get it over with. Apollo: (Groaning.) I remember what happened last time. I thought she gave up on you, and was looking for a younger man, a real animal... Adama: (Studying Apollo in a new light.) Hmmm. Apollo: (Quickly turning to Omega.) Are we prepared to negotiate? Omega: As ready as we’ll ever be. (Glancing at the list of demands prepared by Adama and Tigh.) We want Jolly and Cassie’s kids to leave the Galactica and never return - Salik especially endorses that one. We want them to take Muffey with them and never bring him back. And we want them to stop wrapping our crew and pilots like Kobolian mummies. Adama: (Nodding very solemnly.) Yes, that about covers it. Omega: And in return, they want the bakeryship tethered to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, with complete and free access to mushies, chocos, sweetums, etc., at our expense, at any centar of the day. Apollo: Oooh, can you imagine how many mushies they’ll eat in a day? Adama: (Thoughtflet’s talk sweetness and mushies..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 17 Scene: Aboard the Bakeryship, Adama, Apollo (only slightly inebriated, which explains the shuttle flight) and Omega, representatives of the fleet, and Boxey and Child #98, representatives of the Kiddie Liberation Front, have come to meet with Siress Belloby and the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert, who have cornered the market on mushies. Belloby is fashionably late; the others talk among themselves. Boxey: Let me do the talking, #98. Granpa will listen to me. Child #98: It sounds like Siress Belloby will be the one doing the talking... Boxey: Yeah, she does that a lot. But I know Granpa - he’ll do whatever it takes to get us mushies, and that means he’ll do whatever the Siress asks. I know - he’s done it before. Child #98: (Delighted.) So we’ll soon have mushies! Boxey: Yeah... Adama: Now, all right, Apollo, remember what I told you the last time. You are not part of this, and I will not ully.) Perhaps they’ll overdose on sweets, and never want them again. It’s axiomatic that-- Omega: Sir? Adama: Shut up, Omega. As I was saying, it’s axiomatic that children want what they can’t have, and given free- Omega: But, sir? Adama: I said, shut up, Omega. I’m declaiming here about- Omega: (Holding up portable communication device, which only looks like a communicator.) But it’s a call from Cassiopeia! Adama: You’re interrupting again- Omega: She says they have mushies aboard the Jolly and Cassie Ship - and that’s the featured dessert for tonight! Child #98: (Lighting up.) They’ve got mushies? Boxey: We’re outta here! Omega: But who’ll fly you? Child #98: Oh, I got my pilot’s license a secton ago - Papa Jo and the Dread Captain Robert make great teachers! The two children zoom out the door, nearly running over Siress Belloby as she comes sweeping in, wide anticipatory smile on her face. Belloby: So, Adama, let’s talk sweetness and mushies. Adama: I’mlet’s talk sweetness and mushies..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 17 Scene: Aboard the Bakeryship, Adama, Apollo (only slightly inebriated, which explains the shuttle flight) and Omega, representatives of the fleet, and Boxey and Child #98, representatives of the Kiddie Liberation Front, have come to meet with Siress Belloby and the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert, who have cornered the market on mushies. Belloby is fashionably late; the others talk among themselves. Boxey: Let me do the talking, #98. Granpa will listen to me. Child #98: It sounds like Siress Belloby will be the one doing the talking... Boxey: Yeah, she does that a lot. But I know Granpa - he’ll do whatever it takes to get us mushies, and that means he’ll do whatever the Siress asks. I know - he’s done it before. Child #98: (Delighted.) So we’ll soon have mushies! Boxey: Yeah... Adama: Now, all right, Apollo, remember what I told you the last time. You are not part of this, and I will not too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, wheully.) Perhaps they’ll overdose on sweets, and never want them again. It’s axiomatic that-- Omega: Sir? Adama: Shut up, Omega. As I was saying, it’s axiomatic that children want what they can’t have, and given free- Omega: But, sir? Adama: I said, shut up, Omega. I’m declaiming here about- Omega: (Holding up portable communication device, which only looks like a communicator.) But it’s a call from Cassiopeia! Adama: You’re interrupting again- Omega: She says they have mushies aboard the Jolly and Cassie Ship - and that’s the featured dessert for tonight! Child #98: (Lighting up.) They’ve got mushies? Boxey: We’re outta here! Omega: But who’ll fly you? Child #98: Oh, I got my pilot’s license a secton ago - Papa Jo and the Dread Captain Robert make great teachers! The two children zoom out the door, nearly running over Siress Belloby as she comes sweeping in, wide anticipatory smile on her face. Belloby: So, Adama, let’s talk sweetness and mushies. Adama: I’mully.) Perhaps they’ll overdose on sweets, and never want them again. It’s axiomatic that-- Omega: Sir? Adama: Shut up, Omega. As I was saying, it’s axiomatic that children want what they can’t have, and given free- Omega: But, sir? Adama: I said, shut up, Omega. I’m declaiming here about- Omega: (Holding up portable communication device, which only looks like a communicator.) But it’s a call from Cassiopeia! Adama: You’re interrupting again- Omega: She says they have mushies aboard the Jolly and Cassie Ship - and that’s the featured dessert for tonight! Child #98: (Lighting up.) They’ve got mushies? Boxey: We’re outta here! Omega: But who’ll fly you? Child #98: Oh, I got my pilot’s license a secton ago - Papa Jo and the Dread Captain Robert make great teachers! The two children zoom out the door, nearly running over Siress Belloby as she comes sweeping in, wide anticipatory smile on her face. Belloby: So, Adama, let’s talk sweetness and mushies. Adama: I’membarrass you, so let’s just get it over with. Apollo: (Groaning.) I remember what happened last time. I thought she gave up on you, and was looking for a younger man, a real animal... Adama: (Studying Apollo in a new light.) Hmmm. Apollo: (Quickly turning to Omega.) Are we prepared to negotiate? Omega: As ready as we’ll ever be. (Glancing at the list of demands prepared by Adama and Tigh.) We want Jolly and Cassie’s kids to leave the Galactica and never return - Salik especially endorses that one. We want them to take Muffey with them and never bring him back. And we want them to stop wrapping our crew and pilots like Kobolian mummies. Adama: (Nodding very solemnly.) Yes, that about covers it. Omega: And in return, they want the bakeryship tethered to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, with complete and free access to mushies, chocos, sweetums, etc., at our expense, at any centar of the day. Apollo: Oooh, can you imagine how many mushies they’ll eat in a day? Adama: (Thoughtf afraid that discussion has to be tabled, Siress - the Kiddie Liberation Front has surrendered the Galactica. Belloby: What? But they can’t do that, not when I’ve got you just where I want you, again! Adama: Sorry, Siress, I have to get back to the Galactica. Things will need my guiding hand. Apollo, you could stay- Omega: He’s already halfway to the shuttle, sir. Adama: All right, you can stay. Bye, Belloby! Adama vanishes through the open hatch in a swirl of blue cape, leaving Belloby grinning lecherously at an obviously alarmed Omega. Belloby: Well, my fine young man, let’s get to know each other... Omega: (Faintly.) Help? Somebody? Anybody? Tune in next time, when we’ll hear Rigel say, "The coast is clear!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 18 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, now fully powered but still not boldly going, where Tigh, Rigel, and Athena have prominent positions, along with a dozen other assorted nameless crewmen - and no, they weren’t embarrass you, so let’s just get it over with. Apollo: (Groaning.) I remember what happened last time. I thought she gave up on you, and was looking for a younger man, a real animal... Adama: (Studying Apollo in a new light.) Hmmm. Apollo: (Quickly turning to Omega.) Are we prepared to negotiate? Omega: As ready as we’ll ever be. (Glancing at the list of demands prepared by Adama and Tigh.) We want Jolly and Cassie’s kids to leave the Galactica and never return - Salik especially endorses that one. We want them to take Muffey with them and never bring him back. And we want them to stop wrapping our crew and pilots like Kobolian mummies. Adama: (Nodding very solemnly.) Yes, that about covers it. Omega: And in return, they want the bakeryship tethered to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, with complete and free access to mushies, chocos, sweetums, etc., at our expense, at any centar of the day. Apollo: Oooh, can you imagine how many mushies they’ll eat in a day? Adama: (Thoughtfre Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: Di afraid that discussion has to be tabled, Siress - the Kiddie Liberation Front has surrendered the Galactica. Belloby: What? But they can’t do that, not when I’ve got you just where I want you, again! Adama: Sorry, Siress, I have to get back to the Galactica. Things will need my guiding hand. Apollo, you could stay- Omega: He’s already halfway to the shuttle, sir. Adama: All right, you can stay. Bye, Belloby! Adama vanishes through the open hatch in a swirl of blue cape, leaving Belloby grinning lecherously at an obviously alarmed Omega. Belloby: Well, my fine young man, let’s get to know each other... Omega: (Faintly.) Help? Somebody? Anybody? Tune in next time, when we’ll hear Rigel say, "The coast is clear!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 18 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, now fully powered but still not boldly going, where Tigh, Rigel, and Athena have prominent positions, along with a dozen other assorted nameless crewmen - and no, they weren’t afraid that discussion has to be tabled, Siress - the Kiddie Liberation Front has surrendered the Galactica. Belloby: What? But they can’t do that, not when I’ve got you just where I want you, again! Adama: Sorry, Siress, I have to get back to the Galactica. Things will need my guiding hand. Apollo, you could stay- Omega: He’s already halfway to the shuttle, sir. Adama: All right, you can stay. Bye, Belloby! Adama vanishes through the open hatch in a swirl of blue cape, leaving Belloby grinning lecherously at an obviously alarmed Omega. Belloby: Well, my fine young man, let’s get to know each other... Omega: (Faintly.) Help? Somebody? Anybody? Tune in next time, when we’ll hear Rigel say, "The coast is clear!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 18 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, now fully powered but still not boldly going, where Tigh, Rigel, and Athena have prominent positions, along with a dozen other assorted nameless crewmen - and no, they weren’t ully.) Perhaps they’ll overdose on sweets, and never want them again. It’s axiomatic that-- Omega: Sir? Adama: Shut up, Omega. As I was saying, it’s axiomatic that children want what they can’t have, and given free- Omega: But, sir? Adama: I said, shut up, Omega. I’m declaiming here about- Omega: (Holding up portable communication device, which only looks like a communicator.) But it’s a call from Cassiopeia! Adama: You’re interrupting again- Omega: She says they have mushies aboard the Jolly and Cassie Ship - and that’s the featured dessert for tonight! Child #98: (Lighting up.) They’ve got mushies? Boxey: We’re outta here! Omega: But who’ll fly you? Child #98: Oh, I got my pilot’s license a secton ago - Papa Jo and the Dread Captain Robert make great teachers! The two children zoom out the door, nearly running over Siress Belloby as she comes sweeping in, wide anticipatory smile on her face. Belloby: So, Adama, let’s talk sweetness and mushies. Adama: I’m raised by Jolly and Cassie, this space soap opera hasn’t degenerated to the point of children disappearing for two or three eps and coming back as young adults - yet. Tigh: Athena, any word from Commander Adama? Athena: Not yet, sir. Tigh: Keep me informed. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances, then Tigh moves casually to the grill over the opening to the conduit system, whistling as though he hasn’t a care in the star system...galaxy...universe...whatever! Tigh: Athena? Athena: Not a word yet, sir - although telemetry indicates two shuttles have left the bakeryship, both at top speed, one heading for the Jolly and Cassie Ship, the other heading for the Galactica. Tigh: Any other traffic? Athena: Well, several shuttles are on their standard intrafleet routes. There’s a military shuttle returning from a top-secret mission that hasn’t been disclosed, with personnel who, amazingly enough, aren’t from Blue Squadron and aren’t even pilots, if you can believe it - Cutler’s people, I tully.) Perhaps they’ll overdose on sweets, and never want them again. It’s axiomatic that-- Omega: Sir? Adama: Shut up, Omega. As I was saying, it’s axiomatic that children want what they can’t have, and given free- Omega: But, sir? Adama: I said, shut up, Omega. I’m declaiming here about- Omega: (Holding up portable communication device, which only looks like a communicator.) But it’s a call from Cassiopeia! Adama: You’re interrupting again- Omega: She says they have mushies aboard the Jolly and Cassie Ship - and that’s the featured dessert for tonight! Child #98: (Lighting up.) They’ve got mushies? Boxey: We’re outta here! Omega: But who’ll fly you? Child #98: Oh, I got my pilot’s license a secton ago - Papa Jo and the Dread Captain Robert make great teachers! The two children zoom out the door, nearly running over Siress Belloby as she comes sweeping in, wide anticipatory smile on her face. Belloby: So, Adama, let’s talk sweetness and mushies. Adama: I’md you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: raised by Jolly and Cassie, this space soap opera hasn’t degenerated to the point of children disappearing for two or three eps and coming back as young adults - yet. Tigh: Athena, any word from Commander Adama? Athena: Not yet, sir. Tigh: Keep me informed. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances, then Tigh moves casually to the grill over the opening to the conduit system, whistling as though he hasn’t a care in the star system...galaxy...universe...whatever! Tigh: Athena? Athena: Not a word yet, sir - although telemetry indicates two shuttles have left the bakeryship, both at top speed, one heading for the Jolly and Cassie Ship, the other heading for the Galactica. Tigh: Any other traffic? Athena: Well, several shuttles are on their standard intrafleet routes. There’s a military shuttle returning from a top-secret mission that hasn’t been disclosed, with personnel who, amazingly enough, aren’t from Blue Squadron and aren’t even pilots, if you can believe it - Cutler’s people, I t raised by Jolly and Cassie, this space soap opera hasn’t degenerated to the point of children disappearing for two or three eps and coming back as young adults - yet. Tigh: Athena, any word from Commander Adama? Athena: Not yet, sir. Tigh: Keep me informed. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances, then Tigh moves casually to the grill over the opening to the conduit system, whistling as though he hasn’t a care in the star system...galaxy...universe...whatever! Tigh: Athena? Athena: Not a word yet, sir - although telemetry indicates two shuttles have left the bakeryship, both at top speed, one heading for the Jolly and Cassie Ship, the other heading for the Galactica. Tigh: Any other traffic? Athena: Well, several shuttles are on their standard intrafleet routes. There’s a military shuttle returning from a top-secret mission that hasn’t been disclosed, with personnel who, amazingly enough, aren’t from Blue Squadron and aren’t even pilots, if you can believe it - Cutler’s people, I t afraid that discussion has to be tabled, Siress - the Kiddie Liberation Front has surrendered the Galactica. Belloby: What? But they can’t do that, not when I’ve got you just where I want you, again! Adama: Sorry, Siress, I have to get back to the Galactica. Things will need my guiding hand. Apollo, you could stay- Omega: He’s already halfway to the shuttle, sir. Adama: All right, you can stay. Bye, Belloby! Adama vanishes through the open hatch in a swirl of blue cape, leaving Belloby grinning lecherously at an obviously alarmed Omega. Belloby: Well, my fine young man, let’s get to know each other... Omega: (Faintly.) Help? Somebody? Anybody? Tune in next time, when we’ll hear Rigel say, "The coast is clear!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 18 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, now fully powered but still not boldly going, where Tigh, Rigel, and Athena have prominent positions, along with a dozen other assorted nameless crewmen - and no, they weren’t hink. Or maybe Lysander’s. And...hmm...there’s a shuttle heading toward the Galactica from the Rising Star. I wonder what that’s about... Tigh: Well, continue to monitor it, Athena. Closely. Very closely. Extremely closely. Closer than you’ve ever monitored anything in your life. As close as if a promotion depended upon it. Athena: (Puzzled.) Yes, sir. Tigh stands before the grill. What no one can see is that he is silently removing the screws from the corners, behind his back, while continuing to watch the bridge with his apparent complete attention, then quietly setting the grill to the side. For just a centon, the music from Mission Impossible can be heard in the background. Equally casually, Rigel gets up and moves to stand behind him, also scanning the bridge, a computer report device in her hand. Rigel: (Sotto voce -- look it up!) The coast is clear. Tigh gropes into the duct behind him, and pulls out...a tray of mushies. He turns around long enough to quickly gr afraid that discussion has to be tabled, Siress - the Kiddie Liberation Front has surrendered the Galactica. Belloby: What? But they can’t do that, not when I’ve got you just where I want you, again! Adama: Sorry, Siress, I have to get back to the Galactica. Things will need my guiding hand. Apollo, you could stay- Omega: He’s already halfway to the shuttle, sir. Adama: All right, you can stay. Bye, Belloby! Adama vanishes through the open hatch in a swirl of blue cape, leaving Belloby grinning lecherously at an obviously alarmed Omega. Belloby: Well, my fine young man, let’s get to know each other... Omega: (Faintly.) Help? Somebody? Anybody? Tune in next time, when we’ll hear Rigel say, "The coast is clear!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 18 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, now fully powered but still not boldly going, where Tigh, Rigel, and Athena have prominent positions, along with a dozen other assorted nameless crewmen - and no, they weren’t They’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’hink. Or maybe Lysander’s. And...hmm...there’s a shuttle heading toward the Galactica from the Rising Star. I wonder what that’s about... Tigh: Well, continue to monitor it, Athena. Closely. Very closely. Extremely closely. Closer than you’ve ever monitored anything in your life. As close as if a promotion depended upon it. Athena: (Puzzled.) Yes, sir. Tigh stands before the grill. What no one can see is that he is silently removing the screws from the corners, behind his back, while continuing to watch the bridge with his apparent complete attention, then quietly setting the grill to the side. For just a centon, the music from Mission Impossible can be heard in the background. Equally casually, Rigel gets up and moves to stand behind him, also scanning the bridge, a computer report device in her hand. Rigel: (Sotto voce -- look it up!) The coast is clear. Tigh gropes into the duct behind him, and pulls out...a tray of mushies. He turns around long enough to quickly grhink. Or maybe Lysander’s. And...hmm...there’s a shuttle heading toward the Galactica from the Rising Star. I wonder what that’s about... Tigh: Well, continue to monitor it, Athena. Closely. Very closely. Extremely closely. Closer than you’ve ever monitored anything in your life. As close as if a promotion depended upon it. Athena: (Puzzled.) Yes, sir. Tigh stands before the grill. What no one can see is that he is silently removing the screws from the corners, behind his back, while continuing to watch the bridge with his apparent complete attention, then quietly setting the grill to the side. For just a centon, the music from Mission Impossible can be heard in the background. Equally casually, Rigel gets up and moves to stand behind him, also scanning the bridge, a computer report device in her hand. Rigel: (Sotto voce -- look it up!) The coast is clear. Tigh gropes into the duct behind him, and pulls out...a tray of mushies. He turns around long enough to quickly gr raised by Jolly and Cassie, this space soap opera hasn’t degenerated to the point of children disappearing for two or three eps and coming back as young adults - yet. Tigh: Athena, any word from Commander Adama? Athena: Not yet, sir. Tigh: Keep me informed. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances, then Tigh moves casually to the grill over the opening to the conduit system, whistling as though he hasn’t a care in the star system...galaxy...universe...whatever! Tigh: Athena? Athena: Not a word yet, sir - although telemetry indicates two shuttles have left the bakeryship, both at top speed, one heading for the Jolly and Cassie Ship, the other heading for the Galactica. Tigh: Any other traffic? Athena: Well, several shuttles are on their standard intrafleet routes. There’s a military shuttle returning from a top-secret mission that hasn’t been disclosed, with personnel who, amazingly enough, aren’t from Blue Squadron and aren’t even pilots, if you can believe it - Cutler’s people, I tab one and cram it into his mouth, a heavenly expression crossing his face as he chews and swallows. He then turns around and nods at Rigel. She turns, grabs a mushie, and stuffs her face, somewhat more daintily than Tigh did, and turns, an ecstatic expression on her face. Tigh shoves the secret mushie cache back into its secret stashing space, and replaces the grill. Rigel makes her way back to her station. Athena: (Staring narrowly at Rigel, who has neglected to wipe away a frosting mustache.) Rigel, what’s that! Rigel: (Dreamily.) What’s what? Athena: That...that thing on your face! Rigel: What thing? (Touches her face, discovers the frosting, and bursts into tears.) Athena, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this to me? (She turns and rushes from the bridge.) Athena: (Turning to Tigh.) You’re concealing mushies! And don’t try to deny it! It’s as plain as the frosting on your face! The rest of the bridge crew stares at Tigh, with shocked, mutinous, betray raised by Jolly and Cassie, this space soap opera hasn’t degenerated to the point of children disappearing for two or three eps and coming back as young adults - yet. Tigh: Athena, any word from Commander Adama? Athena: Not yet, sir. Tigh: Keep me informed. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances, then Tigh moves casually to the grill over the opening to the conduit system, whistling as though he hasn’t a care in the star system...galaxy...universe...whatever! Tigh: Athena? Athena: Not a word yet, sir - although telemetry indicates two shuttles have left the bakeryship, both at top speed, one heading for the Jolly and Cassie Ship, the other heading for the Galactica. Tigh: Any other traffic? Athena: Well, several shuttles are on their standard intrafleet routes. There’s a military shuttle returning from a top-secret mission that hasn’t been disclosed, with personnel who, amazingly enough, aren’t from Blue Squadron and aren’t even pilots, if you can believe it - Cutler’s people, I tt know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is mifab one and cram it into his mouth, a heavenly expression crossing his face as he chews and swallows. He then turns around and nods at Rigel. She turns, grabs a mushie, and stuffs her face, somewhat more daintily than Tigh did, and turns, an ecstatic expression on her face. Tigh shoves the secret mushie cache back into its secret stashing space, and replaces the grill. Rigel makes her way back to her station. Athena: (Staring narrowly at Rigel, who has neglected to wipe away a frosting mustache.) Rigel, what’s that! Rigel: (Dreamily.) What’s what? Athena: That...that thing on your face! Rigel: What thing? (Touches her face, discovers the frosting, and bursts into tears.) Athena, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this to me? (She turns and rushes from the bridge.) Athena: (Turning to Tigh.) You’re concealing mushies! And don’t try to deny it! It’s as plain as the frosting on your face! The rest of the bridge crew stares at Tigh, with shocked, mutinous, betrayab one and cram it into his mouth, a heavenly expression crossing his face as he chews and swallows. He then turns around and nods at Rigel. She turns, grabs a mushie, and stuffs her face, somewhat more daintily than Tigh did, and turns, an ecstatic expression on her face. Tigh shoves the secret mushie cache back into its secret stashing space, and replaces the grill. Rigel makes her way back to her station. Athena: (Staring narrowly at Rigel, who has neglected to wipe away a frosting mustache.) Rigel, what’s that! Rigel: (Dreamily.) What’s what? Athena: That...that thing on your face! Rigel: What thing? (Touches her face, discovers the frosting, and bursts into tears.) Athena, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this to me? (She turns and rushes from the bridge.) Athena: (Turning to Tigh.) You’re concealing mushies! And don’t try to deny it! It’s as plain as the frosting on your face! The rest of the bridge crew stares at Tigh, with shocked, mutinous, betrayhink. Or maybe Lysander’s. And...hmm...there’s a shuttle heading toward the Galactica from the Rising Star. I wonder what that’s about... Tigh: Well, continue to monitor it, Athena. Closely. Very closely. Extremely closely. Closer than you’ve ever monitored anything in your life. As close as if a promotion depended upon it. Athena: (Puzzled.) Yes, sir. Tigh stands before the grill. What no one can see is that he is silently removing the screws from the corners, behind his back, while continuing to watch the bridge with his apparent complete attention, then quietly setting the grill to the side. For just a centon, the music from Mission Impossible can be heard in the background. Equally casually, Rigel gets up and moves to stand behind him, also scanning the bridge, a computer report device in her hand. Rigel: (Sotto voce -- look it up!) The coast is clear. Tigh gropes into the duct behind him, and pulls out...a tray of mushies. He turns around long enough to quickly gred expressions. Athena: I’m telling my father on you! Tigh: Now, there’s no point in making a big fuss out a little thing like this... Athena: Hah! This is just the chance my brother’s been waiting for! You’ll see - by the end of the day, Apollo will be the Colonel and you’ll be swabbing the decks with Reese! Tigh: (Muttering) Where are those Kobolian maypole twiners when you really need them? (Aloud.) Well, I guess there’s no choice then. (Turns to the rest of the bridge crew.) Ladies and gentlemen, there’re plenty of mushies for everyone...unless Athena tells Commander Adama and the mushies are confiscated for the good of the fleet. The fleet that we daily risk our lives to defend. The fleet that doesn’t appreciate us. That mutters behind our backs. That begrudges us the simple luxury of a mushie... The crew digests that information, and begins to look suspiciously at Athena. Tigh: However, if something were to happen to Athena...well, there’d be enough mushies for hink. Or maybe Lysander’s. And...hmm...there’s a shuttle heading toward the Galactica from the Rising Star. I wonder what that’s about... Tigh: Well, continue to monitor it, Athena. Closely. Very closely. Extremely closely. Closer than you’ve ever monitored anything in your life. As close as if a promotion depended upon it. Athena: (Puzzled.) Yes, sir. Tigh stands before the grill. What no one can see is that he is silently removing the screws from the corners, behind his back, while continuing to watch the bridge with his apparent complete attention, then quietly setting the grill to the side. For just a centon, the music from Mission Impossible can be heard in the background. Equally casually, Rigel gets up and moves to stand behind him, also scanning the bridge, a computer report device in her hand. Rigel: (Sotto voce -- look it up!) The coast is clear. Tigh gropes into the duct behind him, and pulls out...a tray of mushies. He turns around long enough to quickly grfed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten maed expressions. Athena: I’m telling my father on you! Tigh: Now, there’s no point in making a big fuss out a little thing like this... Athena: Hah! This is just the chance my brother’s been waiting for! You’ll see - by the end of the day, Apollo will be the Colonel and you’ll be swabbing the decks with Reese! Tigh: (Muttering) Where are those Kobolian maypole twiners when you really need them? (Aloud.) Well, I guess there’s no choice then. (Turns to the rest of the bridge crew.) Ladies and gentlemen, there’re plenty of mushies for everyone...unless Athena tells Commander Adama and the mushies are confiscated for the good of the fleet. The fleet that we daily risk our lives to defend. The fleet that doesn’t appreciate us. That mutters behind our backs. That begrudges us the simple luxury of a mushie... The crew digests that information, and begins to look suspiciously at Athena. Tigh: However, if something were to happen to Athena...well, there’d be enough mushies for ed expressions. Athena: I’m telling my father on you! Tigh: Now, there’s no point in making a big fuss out a little thing like this... Athena: Hah! This is just the chance my brother’s been waiting for! You’ll see - by the end of the day, Apollo will be the Colonel and you’ll be swabbing the decks with Reese! Tigh: (Muttering) Where are those Kobolian maypole twiners when you really need them? (Aloud.) Well, I guess there’s no choice then. (Turns to the rest of the bridge crew.) Ladies and gentlemen, there’re plenty of mushies for everyone...unless Athena tells Commander Adama and the mushies are confiscated for the good of the fleet. The fleet that we daily risk our lives to defend. The fleet that doesn’t appreciate us. That mutters behind our backs. That begrudges us the simple luxury of a mushie... The crew digests that information, and begins to look suspiciously at Athena. Tigh: However, if something were to happen to Athena...well, there’d be enough mushies for ab one and cram it into his mouth, a heavenly expression crossing his face as he chews and swallows. He then turns around and nods at Rigel. She turns, grabs a mushie, and stuffs her face, somewhat more daintily than Tigh did, and turns, an ecstatic expression on her face. Tigh shoves the secret mushie cache back into its secret stashing space, and replaces the grill. Rigel makes her way back to her station. Athena: (Staring narrowly at Rigel, who has neglected to wipe away a frosting mustache.) Rigel, what’s that! Rigel: (Dreamily.) What’s what? Athena: That...that thing on your face! Rigel: What thing? (Touches her face, discovers the frosting, and bursts into tears.) Athena, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this to me? (She turns and rushes from the bridge.) Athena: (Turning to Tigh.) You’re concealing mushies! And don’t try to deny it! It’s as plain as the frosting on your face! The rest of the bridge crew stares at Tigh, with shocked, mutinous, betrayeverybody here to have some... Athena: Why, you...you... Crewman #1: I’ve got some maypole ribbons under my console... Crewman #5: So do I... The crewmen, who just happen to be the older relatives of some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids, who taught them about maypole twining, pull out the ribbons, and set to work. In short order, Athena looks suspiciously like yet another Kobolian mummy. The crewmen carry out her mumbling, squirming, protesting form, and stash her in the nearest closet. Tigh calmly opens the duct grill and regretfully pulls out the rest of the mushies. Tigh: Ah, I’ll be sad to see you all go... (Turns to crew.) Dig in. The bridge crew mobs the mushie tray. Tigh smiles superiorly and takes Adama’s chair on the command dais. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Tigh, get out of my chair." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where about a dozen very happyab one and cram it into his mouth, a heavenly expression crossing his face as he chews and swallows. He then turns around and nods at Rigel. She turns, grabs a mushie, and stuffs her face, somewhat more daintily than Tigh did, and turns, an ecstatic expression on her face. Tigh shoves the secret mushie cache back into its secret stashing space, and replaces the grill. Rigel makes her way back to her station. Athena: (Staring narrowly at Rigel, who has neglected to wipe away a frosting mustache.) Rigel, what’s that! Rigel: (Dreamily.) What’s what? Athena: That...that thing on your face! Rigel: What thing? (Touches her face, discovers the frosting, and bursts into tears.) Athena, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this to me? (She turns and rushes from the bridge.) Athena: (Turning to Tigh.) You’re concealing mushies! And don’t try to deny it! It’s as plain as the frosting on your face! The rest of the bridge crew stares at Tigh, with shocked, mutinous, betrayrried! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (Seeineverybody here to have some... Athena: Why, you...you... Crewman #1: I’ve got some maypole ribbons under my console... Crewman #5: So do I... The crewmen, who just happen to be the older relatives of some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids, who taught them about maypole twining, pull out the ribbons, and set to work. In short order, Athena looks suspiciously like yet another Kobolian mummy. The crewmen carry out her mumbling, squirming, protesting form, and stash her in the nearest closet. Tigh calmly opens the duct grill and regretfully pulls out the rest of the mushies. Tigh: Ah, I’ll be sad to see you all go... (Turns to crew.) Dig in. The bridge crew mobs the mushie tray. Tigh smiles superiorly and takes Adama’s chair on the command dais. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Tigh, get out of my chair." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where about a dozen very happyeverybody here to have some... Athena: Why, you...you... Crewman #1: I’ve got some maypole ribbons under my console... Crewman #5: So do I... The crewmen, who just happen to be the older relatives of some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids, who taught them about maypole twining, pull out the ribbons, and set to work. In short order, Athena looks suspiciously like yet another Kobolian mummy. The crewmen carry out her mumbling, squirming, protesting form, and stash her in the nearest closet. Tigh calmly opens the duct grill and regretfully pulls out the rest of the mushies. Tigh: Ah, I’ll be sad to see you all go... (Turns to crew.) Dig in. The bridge crew mobs the mushie tray. Tigh smiles superiorly and takes Adama’s chair on the command dais. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Tigh, get out of my chair." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where about a dozen very happyed expressions. Athena: I’m telling my father on you! Tigh: Now, there’s no point in making a big fuss out a little thing like this... Athena: Hah! This is just the chance my brother’s been waiting for! You’ll see - by the end of the day, Apollo will be the Colonel and you’ll be swabbing the decks with Reese! Tigh: (Muttering) Where are those Kobolian maypole twiners when you really need them? (Aloud.) Well, I guess there’s no choice then. (Turns to the rest of the bridge crew.) Ladies and gentlemen, there’re plenty of mushies for everyone...unless Athena tells Commander Adama and the mushies are confiscated for the good of the fleet. The fleet that we daily risk our lives to defend. The fleet that doesn’t appreciate us. That mutters behind our backs. That begrudges us the simple luxury of a mushie... The crew digests that information, and begins to look suspiciously at Athena. Tigh: However, if something were to happen to Athena...well, there’d be enough mushies for , sweet-toothed bridge crew are sitting at their stations, wearing idiotic smiles and frosting mustaches. Tigh is in Adama’s chair. Rigel is back, long hair braided and piled into matching Princess Leia earmuff-buns on the sides of her face. Rigel: Colonel? Commander Adama’s shuttle has returned - although after that landing, I’m not sure what shape the ship or passengers are in. Tigh: Why? Rigel: It came in upside down. Tigh: Hmm. Either some of the scanners and internal gravity are out - or we should have told Apollo to sleep it off rather than have him be the pilot, after that party in the O Club. Rigel: How good can the party be? Have they got mushies? Tigh: True. What report from the bay? Rigel: Commander Adama is heading for the bridge - and the clean-up crews are complaining vociferously about Captain Apollo having thrown up on the shuttle. They say they don’t do windows! Tigh: Hmm... A ruckus from behind signals the arrival on the bridge of an extremely angred expressions. Athena: I’m telling my father on you! Tigh: Now, there’s no point in making a big fuss out a little thing like this... Athena: Hah! This is just the chance my brother’s been waiting for! You’ll see - by the end of the day, Apollo will be the Colonel and you’ll be swabbing the decks with Reese! Tigh: (Muttering) Where are those Kobolian maypole twiners when you really need them? (Aloud.) Well, I guess there’s no choice then. (Turns to the rest of the bridge crew.) Ladies and gentlemen, there’re plenty of mushies for everyone...unless Athena tells Commander Adama and the mushies are confiscated for the good of the fleet. The fleet that we daily risk our lives to defend. The fleet that doesn’t appreciate us. That mutters behind our backs. That begrudges us the simple luxury of a mushie... The crew digests that information, and begins to look suspiciously at Athena. Tigh: However, if something were to happen to Athena...well, there’d be enough mushies for g his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her f, sweet-toothed bridge crew are sitting at their stations, wearing idiotic smiles and frosting mustaches. Tigh is in Adama’s chair. Rigel is back, long hair braided and piled into matching Princess Leia earmuff-buns on the sides of her face. Rigel: Colonel? Commander Adama’s shuttle has returned - although after that landing, I’m not sure what shape the ship or passengers are in. Tigh: Why? Rigel: It came in upside down. Tigh: Hmm. Either some of the scanners and internal gravity are out - or we should have told Apollo to sleep it off rather than have him be the pilot, after that party in the O Club. Rigel: How good can the party be? Have they got mushies? Tigh: True. What report from the bay? Rigel: Commander Adama is heading for the bridge - and the clean-up crews are complaining vociferously about Captain Apollo having thrown up on the shuttle. They say they don’t do windows! Tigh: Hmm... A ruckus from behind signals the arrival on the bridge of an extremely angr, sweet-toothed bridge crew are sitting at their stations, wearing idiotic smiles and frosting mustaches. Tigh is in Adama’s chair. Rigel is back, long hair braided and piled into matching Princess Leia earmuff-buns on the sides of her face. Rigel: Colonel? Commander Adama’s shuttle has returned - although after that landing, I’m not sure what shape the ship or passengers are in. Tigh: Why? Rigel: It came in upside down. Tigh: Hmm. Either some of the scanners and internal gravity are out - or we should have told Apollo to sleep it off rather than have him be the pilot, after that party in the O Club. Rigel: How good can the party be? Have they got mushies? Tigh: True. What report from the bay? Rigel: Commander Adama is heading for the bridge - and the clean-up crews are complaining vociferously about Captain Apollo having thrown up on the shuttle. They say they don’t do windows! Tigh: Hmm... A ruckus from behind signals the arrival on the bridge of an extremely angreverybody here to have some... Athena: Why, you...you... Crewman #1: I’ve got some maypole ribbons under my console... Crewman #5: So do I... The crewmen, who just happen to be the older relatives of some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids, who taught them about maypole twining, pull out the ribbons, and set to work. In short order, Athena looks suspiciously like yet another Kobolian mummy. The crewmen carry out her mumbling, squirming, protesting form, and stash her in the nearest closet. Tigh calmly opens the duct grill and regretfully pulls out the rest of the mushies. Tigh: Ah, I’ll be sad to see you all go... (Turns to crew.) Dig in. The bridge crew mobs the mushie tray. Tigh smiles superiorly and takes Adama’s chair on the command dais. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Tigh, get out of my chair." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where about a dozen very happyy Commander Adama, with a very meek and sick looking Captain Apollo trailing behind. The bridge crew quickly springs to alert and wipes off the mushie mustaches. Apollo: I said I was sorry, father... Adama: You threw up on the co-pilot’s seat! And you didn’t tell me until too late! It’s a good thing I had the usual spare uniform aboard! You’re getting time out! Tigh: That doesn’t work with Boxey; what makes you think it’ll work with him? Adama: Well, he’s too old to spank - and he’d probably just throw up on my boots! (Does a double-take.) Tigh, get out of my chair. Tigh leaps out of the chair like a tigger on springs - yes, that’s a redundancy, we all know tiggers have springs in their tails -- and we return to the tale as Adama takes his proper place. Rigel: Hmm, we have two more shuttles requesting landing clearance. One is from the Rising Star, and the other is from the Bakeryship! Adama: Who’s aboard them? Rigel: Sheba’s on one. Apollo: (Muttering.) She can waieverybody here to have some... Athena: Why, you...you... Crewman #1: I’ve got some maypole ribbons under my console... Crewman #5: So do I... The crewmen, who just happen to be the older relatives of some of Jolly and Cassie’s kids, who taught them about maypole twining, pull out the ribbons, and set to work. In short order, Athena looks suspiciously like yet another Kobolian mummy. The crewmen carry out her mumbling, squirming, protesting form, and stash her in the nearest closet. Tigh calmly opens the duct grill and regretfully pulls out the rest of the mushies. Tigh: Ah, I’ll be sad to see you all go... (Turns to crew.) Dig in. The bridge crew mobs the mushie tray. Tigh smiles superiorly and takes Adama’s chair on the command dais. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Tigh, get out of my chair." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where about a dozen very happyather... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I loy Commander Adama, with a very meek and sick looking Captain Apollo trailing behind. The bridge crew quickly springs to alert and wipes off the mushie mustaches. Apollo: I said I was sorry, father... Adama: You threw up on the co-pilot’s seat! And you didn’t tell me until too late! It’s a good thing I had the usual spare uniform aboard! You’re getting time out! Tigh: That doesn’t work with Boxey; what makes you think it’ll work with him? Adama: Well, he’s too old to spank - and he’d probably just throw up on my boots! (Does a double-take.) Tigh, get out of my chair. Tigh leaps out of the chair like a tigger on springs - yes, that’s a redundancy, we all know tiggers have springs in their tails -- and we return to the tale as Adama takes his proper place. Rigel: Hmm, we have two more shuttles requesting landing clearance. One is from the Rising Star, and the other is from the Bakeryship! Adama: Who’s aboard them? Rigel: Sheba’s on one. Apollo: (Muttering.) She can waiy Commander Adama, with a very meek and sick looking Captain Apollo trailing behind. The bridge crew quickly springs to alert and wipes off the mushie mustaches. Apollo: I said I was sorry, father... Adama: You threw up on the co-pilot’s seat! And you didn’t tell me until too late! It’s a good thing I had the usual spare uniform aboard! You’re getting time out! Tigh: That doesn’t work with Boxey; what makes you think it’ll work with him? Adama: Well, he’s too old to spank - and he’d probably just throw up on my boots! (Does a double-take.) Tigh, get out of my chair. Tigh leaps out of the chair like a tigger on springs - yes, that’s a redundancy, we all know tiggers have springs in their tails -- and we return to the tale as Adama takes his proper place. Rigel: Hmm, we have two more shuttles requesting landing clearance. One is from the Rising Star, and the other is from the Bakeryship! Adama: Who’s aboard them? Rigel: Sheba’s on one. Apollo: (Muttering.) She can wai, sweet-toothed bridge crew are sitting at their stations, wearing idiotic smiles and frosting mustaches. Tigh is in Adama’s chair. Rigel is back, long hair braided and piled into matching Princess Leia earmuff-buns on the sides of her face. Rigel: Colonel? Commander Adama’s shuttle has returned - although after that landing, I’m not sure what shape the ship or passengers are in. Tigh: Why? Rigel: It came in upside down. Tigh: Hmm. Either some of the scanners and internal gravity are out - or we should have told Apollo to sleep it off rather than have him be the pilot, after that party in the O Club. Rigel: How good can the party be? Have they got mushies? Tigh: True. What report from the bay? Rigel: Commander Adama is heading for the bridge - and the clean-up crews are complaining vociferously about Captain Apollo having thrown up on the shuttle. They say they don’t do windows! Tigh: Hmm... A ruckus from behind signals the arrival on the bridge of an extremely angrt. Adama: Give her clearance -- Beta Bay. The other? Rigel: (Gulping.) It’s Siress Belloby, sir! Adama: (Shrinking back into his chair.) B...belloby? But...we just left her on the Bakeryship... Rigel: Well, she’s back...and she wants aboard... Adama: (Sounding like a ghost of himself): Give her clearance...after Sheba... I don’t suppose she’d land in Alpha Bay? Rigel: Yes, sir. And no, sir. Omega’s flying the shuttle, he knows what happened to Alpha. Tigh: Need I ask how the mushie negotiations went, Adama? Adama: The kids gave up and went home. Tigh: (More cheerfully.) Even Boxey? Adama: Yes... Tigh: Well, then the day’s not a total loss, is it? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby bellow, "You lost my mushies?" "Jolly Lost the Kids" - Episode 20 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Actually, the other landing bay, Beta Bay, since the first landing bay, Alpha Bay, is still being cl, sweet-toothed bridge crew are sitting at their stations, wearing idiotic smiles and frosting mustaches. Tigh is in Adama’s chair. Rigel is back, long hair braided and piled into matching Princess Leia earmuff-buns on the sides of her face. Rigel: Colonel? Commander Adama’s shuttle has returned - although after that landing, I’m not sure what shape the ship or passengers are in. Tigh: Why? Rigel: It came in upside down. Tigh: Hmm. Either some of the scanners and internal gravity are out - or we should have told Apollo to sleep it off rather than have him be the pilot, after that party in the O Club. Rigel: How good can the party be? Have they got mushies? Tigh: True. What report from the bay? Rigel: Commander Adama is heading for the bridge - and the clean-up crews are complaining vociferously about Captain Apollo having thrown up on the shuttle. They say they don’t do windows! Tigh: Hmm... A ruckus from behind signals the arrival on the bridge of an extremely angrve you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’mt. Adama: Give her clearance -- Beta Bay. The other? Rigel: (Gulping.) It’s Siress Belloby, sir! Adama: (Shrinking back into his chair.) B...belloby? But...we just left her on the Bakeryship... Rigel: Well, she’s back...and she wants aboard... Adama: (Sounding like a ghost of himself): Give her clearance...after Sheba... I don’t suppose she’d land in Alpha Bay? Rigel: Yes, sir. And no, sir. Omega’s flying the shuttle, he knows what happened to Alpha. Tigh: Need I ask how the mushie negotiations went, Adama? Adama: The kids gave up and went home. Tigh: (More cheerfully.) Even Boxey? Adama: Yes... Tigh: Well, then the day’s not a total loss, is it? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby bellow, "You lost my mushies?" "Jolly Lost the Kids" - Episode 20 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Actually, the other landing bay, Beta Bay, since the first landing bay, Alpha Bay, is still being clt. Adama: Give her clearance -- Beta Bay. The other? Rigel: (Gulping.) It’s Siress Belloby, sir! Adama: (Shrinking back into his chair.) B...belloby? But...we just left her on the Bakeryship... Rigel: Well, she’s back...and she wants aboard... Adama: (Sounding like a ghost of himself): Give her clearance...after Sheba... I don’t suppose she’d land in Alpha Bay? Rigel: Yes, sir. And no, sir. Omega’s flying the shuttle, he knows what happened to Alpha. Tigh: Need I ask how the mushie negotiations went, Adama? Adama: The kids gave up and went home. Tigh: (More cheerfully.) Even Boxey? Adama: Yes... Tigh: Well, then the day’s not a total loss, is it? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby bellow, "You lost my mushies?" "Jolly Lost the Kids" - Episode 20 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Actually, the other landing bay, Beta Bay, since the first landing bay, Alpha Bay, is still being cly Commander Adama, with a very meek and sick looking Captain Apollo trailing behind. The bridge crew quickly springs to alert and wipes off the mushie mustaches. Apollo: I said I was sorry, father... Adama: You threw up on the co-pilot’s seat! And you didn’t tell me until too late! It’s a good thing I had the usual spare uniform aboard! You’re getting time out! Tigh: That doesn’t work with Boxey; what makes you think it’ll work with him? Adama: Well, he’s too old to spank - and he’d probably just throw up on my boots! (Does a double-take.) Tigh, get out of my chair. Tigh leaps out of the chair like a tigger on springs - yes, that’s a redundancy, we all know tiggers have springs in their tails -- and we return to the tale as Adama takes his proper place. Rigel: Hmm, we have two more shuttles requesting landing clearance. One is from the Rising Star, and the other is from the Bakeryship! Adama: Who’s aboard them? Rigel: Sheba’s on one. Apollo: (Muttering.) She can waieaned up from the perfume-fueled, Viper-ignited, marshmallow-toasting, hot dog-roasting fires of Episode 10. Two shuttles have just landed. Out of one step Sheba, Bojay, and Zara’s videolator. Out of the other step Belloby and Omega. Bojay: Thanks for picking me up, Sheba. I don’t think I coulda held my breath much longer. Sheba: Any time, Bojay. I know you’d do the same for me. Videolator: Me, too. Sheba: Yeah, you, whoever your name is. Videolator: (Hopefully.) I can tell you. Sheba: (Waving him off.) Not necessary. (Hey, now who’s ever really dead in a soap, space or comic book opera?) Sheba, Bojay, and the videolator leave the bay. A moment later, a stampede of children, the erstwhile Kiddie Liberation Front and holders hostage of the Galactica engineering section, come racing through the bay. For a moment there is pandemonium, children everywhere, then they commandeer Sheba’s shuttle. A moment later, the shuttle launches again. Adama enters the bay, followed byy Commander Adama, with a very meek and sick looking Captain Apollo trailing behind. The bridge crew quickly springs to alert and wipes off the mushie mustaches. Apollo: I said I was sorry, father... Adama: You threw up on the co-pilot’s seat! And you didn’t tell me until too late! It’s a good thing I had the usual spare uniform aboard! You’re getting time out! Tigh: That doesn’t work with Boxey; what makes you think it’ll work with him? Adama: Well, he’s too old to spank - and he’d probably just throw up on my boots! (Does a double-take.) Tigh, get out of my chair. Tigh leaps out of the chair like a tigger on springs - yes, that’s a redundancy, we all know tiggers have springs in their tails -- and we return to the tale as Adama takes his proper place. Rigel: Hmm, we have two more shuttles requesting landing clearance. One is from the Rising Star, and the other is from the Bakeryship! Adama: Who’s aboard them? Rigel: Sheba’s on one. Apollo: (Muttering.) She can wai not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in iteaned up from the perfume-fueled, Viper-ignited, marshmallow-toasting, hot dog-roasting fires of Episode 10. Two shuttles have just landed. Out of one step Sheba, Bojay, and Zara’s videolator. Out of the other step Belloby and Omega. Bojay: Thanks for picking me up, Sheba. I don’t think I coulda held my breath much longer. Sheba: Any time, Bojay. I know you’d do the same for me. Videolator: Me, too. Sheba: Yeah, you, whoever your name is. Videolator: (Hopefully.) I can tell you. Sheba: (Waving him off.) Not necessary. (Hey, now who’s ever really dead in a soap, space or comic book opera?) Sheba, Bojay, and the videolator leave the bay. A moment later, a stampede of children, the erstwhile Kiddie Liberation Front and holders hostage of the Galactica engineering section, come racing through the bay. For a moment there is pandemonium, children everywhere, then they commandeer Sheba’s shuttle. A moment later, the shuttle launches again. Adama enters the bay, followed byeaned up from the perfume-fueled, Viper-ignited, marshmallow-toasting, hot dog-roasting fires of Episode 10. Two shuttles have just landed. Out of one step Sheba, Bojay, and Zara’s videolator. Out of the other step Belloby and Omega. Bojay: Thanks for picking me up, Sheba. I don’t think I coulda held my breath much longer. Sheba: Any time, Bojay. I know you’d do the same for me. Videolator: Me, too. Sheba: Yeah, you, whoever your name is. Videolator: (Hopefully.) I can tell you. Sheba: (Waving him off.) Not necessary. (Hey, now who’s ever really dead in a soap, space or comic book opera?) Sheba, Bojay, and the videolator leave the bay. A moment later, a stampede of children, the erstwhile Kiddie Liberation Front and holders hostage of the Galactica engineering section, come racing through the bay. For a moment there is pandemonium, children everywhere, then they commandeer Sheba’s shuttle. A moment later, the shuttle launches again. Adama enters the bay, followed byt. Adama: Give her clearance -- Beta Bay. The other? Rigel: (Gulping.) It’s Siress Belloby, sir! Adama: (Shrinking back into his chair.) B...belloby? But...we just left her on the Bakeryship... Rigel: Well, she’s back...and she wants aboard... Adama: (Sounding like a ghost of himself): Give her clearance...after Sheba... I don’t suppose she’d land in Alpha Bay? Rigel: Yes, sir. And no, sir. Omega’s flying the shuttle, he knows what happened to Alpha. Tigh: Need I ask how the mushie negotiations went, Adama? Adama: The kids gave up and went home. Tigh: (More cheerfully.) Even Boxey? Adama: Yes... Tigh: Well, then the day’s not a total loss, is it? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby bellow, "You lost my mushies?" "Jolly Lost the Kids" - Episode 20 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Actually, the other landing bay, Beta Bay, since the first landing bay, Alpha Bay, is still being cl Reese and several other security officers. Adama: (Watching the shuttle depart.) Well, that’s one problem dealt with. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Belloby... Uh, what brings you to the Galactica? We don’t need to deal with the KLF anymore... Belloby: I know. But talking to Omega, I realized just how severe the mushie shortage is here on the Galactica - so I brought a little treat as a peace offering to you, and as a thank you for bringing that darling young stud...uh, man, to my attention. Adama glances at Omega, eyebrows halfway off his head. Omega just grins smugly. Adama: (Stuttering.) Well, that was very...uh, generous of you, Belloby... Belloby: (Gesturing to security officers, who look hopeful.) Go get ‘em, boys. Reese and the officers stampede aboard the shuttle. Belloby: (Coyly.) I trust you’ll be appropriately appreciative, Adama. Adama glances at Omega again, unsure how to take the comment. A moment later, Reese appears at the hatch of the shuttle. Ree and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with thet. Adama: Give her clearance -- Beta Bay. The other? Rigel: (Gulping.) It’s Siress Belloby, sir! Adama: (Shrinking back into his chair.) B...belloby? But...we just left her on the Bakeryship... Rigel: Well, she’s back...and she wants aboard... Adama: (Sounding like a ghost of himself): Give her clearance...after Sheba... I don’t suppose she’d land in Alpha Bay? Rigel: Yes, sir. And no, sir. Omega’s flying the shuttle, he knows what happened to Alpha. Tigh: Need I ask how the mushie negotiations went, Adama? Adama: The kids gave up and went home. Tigh: (More cheerfully.) Even Boxey? Adama: Yes... Tigh: Well, then the day’s not a total loss, is it? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby bellow, "You lost my mushies?" "Jolly Lost the Kids" - Episode 20 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Actually, the other landing bay, Beta Bay, since the first landing bay, Alpha Bay, is still being cl Reese and several other security officers. Adama: (Watching the shuttle depart.) Well, that’s one problem dealt with. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Belloby... Uh, what brings you to the Galactica? We don’t need to deal with the KLF anymore... Belloby: I know. But talking to Omega, I realized just how severe the mushie shortage is here on the Galactica - so I brought a little treat as a peace offering to you, and as a thank you for bringing that darling young stud...uh, man, to my attention. Adama glances at Omega, eyebrows halfway off his head. Omega just grins smugly. Adama: (Stuttering.) Well, that was very...uh, generous of you, Belloby... Belloby: (Gesturing to security officers, who look hopeful.) Go get ‘em, boys. Reese and the officers stampede aboard the shuttle. Belloby: (Coyly.) I trust you’ll be appropriately appreciative, Adama. Adama glances at Omega again, unsure how to take the comment. A moment later, Reese appears at the hatch of the shuttle. Ree Reese and several other security officers. Adama: (Watching the shuttle depart.) Well, that’s one problem dealt with. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Belloby... Uh, what brings you to the Galactica? We don’t need to deal with the KLF anymore... Belloby: I know. But talking to Omega, I realized just how severe the mushie shortage is here on the Galactica - so I brought a little treat as a peace offering to you, and as a thank you for bringing that darling young stud...uh, man, to my attention. Adama glances at Omega, eyebrows halfway off his head. Omega just grins smugly. Adama: (Stuttering.) Well, that was very...uh, generous of you, Belloby... Belloby: (Gesturing to security officers, who look hopeful.) Go get ‘em, boys. Reese and the officers stampede aboard the shuttle. Belloby: (Coyly.) I trust you’ll be appropriately appreciative, Adama. Adama glances at Omega again, unsure how to take the comment. A moment later, Reese appears at the hatch of the shuttle. Reeeaned up from the perfume-fueled, Viper-ignited, marshmallow-toasting, hot dog-roasting fires of Episode 10. Two shuttles have just landed. Out of one step Sheba, Bojay, and Zara’s videolator. Out of the other step Belloby and Omega. Bojay: Thanks for picking me up, Sheba. I don’t think I coulda held my breath much longer. Sheba: Any time, Bojay. I know you’d do the same for me. Videolator: Me, too. Sheba: Yeah, you, whoever your name is. Videolator: (Hopefully.) I can tell you. Sheba: (Waving him off.) Not necessary. (Hey, now who’s ever really dead in a soap, space or comic book opera?) Sheba, Bojay, and the videolator leave the bay. A moment later, a stampede of children, the erstwhile Kiddie Liberation Front and holders hostage of the Galactica engineering section, come racing through the bay. For a moment there is pandemonium, children everywhere, then they commandeer Sheba’s shuttle. A moment later, the shuttle launches again. Adama enters the bay, followed byse: Hey, there’s no mushies here! Belloby, Omega, and Adama: (Shocked.) What? Reese: I said, there’s no mushies here! Adama: I heard you the first time! (Turns to Belloby.) What kind of cruel joke...? Belloby: (Bellowing at Reese.) You lost my mushies? Reese: Well, we didn’t exactly lose them... Belloby: Then what exactly did you do with them? Reese: Well, we didn’t find them! They’re not here! I didn’t do anything with them! Belloby: (Dangerously.) They were there when I left the Bakeryship! Reese: Well, they’re not here now... Uh...maybe they’ve been hi-jacked, ma’am...? Belloby: (Turning to Adama.) I’m holding you personally responsible for the hi-jacking of my mushies, Adama. And I’m not leaving this ship until you get to the bottom of this! Adama: (Horrified.) Oh. Okay. I’ll put my best men on it... Belloby: No, you won’t. He’s going to the O Club with me. C’mon, Omega, I’m buying. Belloby and Omega leave the bay for the O Club, leaving Adama lo whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boomeeaned up from the perfume-fueled, Viper-ignited, marshmallow-toasting, hot dog-roasting fires of Episode 10. Two shuttles have just landed. Out of one step Sheba, Bojay, and Zara’s videolator. Out of the other step Belloby and Omega. Bojay: Thanks for picking me up, Sheba. I don’t think I coulda held my breath much longer. Sheba: Any time, Bojay. I know you’d do the same for me. Videolator: Me, too. Sheba: Yeah, you, whoever your name is. Videolator: (Hopefully.) I can tell you. Sheba: (Waving him off.) Not necessary. (Hey, now who’s ever really dead in a soap, space or comic book opera?) Sheba, Bojay, and the videolator leave the bay. A moment later, a stampede of children, the erstwhile Kiddie Liberation Front and holders hostage of the Galactica engineering section, come racing through the bay. For a moment there is pandemonium, children everywhere, then they commandeer Sheba’s shuttle. A moment later, the shuttle launches again. Adama enters the bay, followed byse: Hey, there’s no mushies here! Belloby, Omega, and Adama: (Shocked.) What? Reese: I said, there’s no mushies here! Adama: I heard you the first time! (Turns to Belloby.) What kind of cruel joke...? Belloby: (Bellowing at Reese.) You lost my mushies? Reese: Well, we didn’t exactly lose them... Belloby: Then what exactly did you do with them? Reese: Well, we didn’t find them! They’re not here! I didn’t do anything with them! Belloby: (Dangerously.) They were there when I left the Bakeryship! Reese: Well, they’re not here now... Uh...maybe they’ve been hi-jacked, ma’am...? Belloby: (Turning to Adama.) I’m holding you personally responsible for the hi-jacking of my mushies, Adama. And I’m not leaving this ship until you get to the bottom of this! Adama: (Horrified.) Oh. Okay. I’ll put my best men on it... Belloby: No, you won’t. He’s going to the O Club with me. C’mon, Omega, I’m buying. Belloby and Omega leave the bay for the O Club, leaving Adama lose: Hey, there’s no mushies here! Belloby, Omega, and Adama: (Shocked.) What? Reese: I said, there’s no mushies here! Adama: I heard you the first time! (Turns to Belloby.) What kind of cruel joke...? Belloby: (Bellowing at Reese.) You lost my mushies? Reese: Well, we didn’t exactly lose them... Belloby: Then what exactly did you do with them? Reese: Well, we didn’t find them! They’re not here! I didn’t do anything with them! Belloby: (Dangerously.) They were there when I left the Bakeryship! Reese: Well, they’re not here now... Uh...maybe they’ve been hi-jacked, ma’am...? Belloby: (Turning to Adama.) I’m holding you personally responsible for the hi-jacking of my mushies, Adama. And I’m not leaving this ship until you get to the bottom of this! Adama: (Horrified.) Oh. Okay. I’ll put my best men on it... Belloby: No, you won’t. He’s going to the O Club with me. C’mon, Omega, I’m buying. Belloby and Omega leave the bay for the O Club, leaving Adama lo Reese and several other security officers. Adama: (Watching the shuttle depart.) Well, that’s one problem dealt with. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Belloby... Uh, what brings you to the Galactica? We don’t need to deal with the KLF anymore... Belloby: I know. But talking to Omega, I realized just how severe the mushie shortage is here on the Galactica - so I brought a little treat as a peace offering to you, and as a thank you for bringing that darling young stud...uh, man, to my attention. Adama glances at Omega, eyebrows halfway off his head. Omega just grins smugly. Adama: (Stuttering.) Well, that was very...uh, generous of you, Belloby... Belloby: (Gesturing to security officers, who look hopeful.) Go get ‘em, boys. Reese and the officers stampede aboard the shuttle. Belloby: (Coyly.) I trust you’ll be appropriately appreciative, Adama. Adama glances at Omega again, unsure how to take the comment. A moment later, Reese appears at the hatch of the shuttle. Reeoking utterly lost. Adama: She won’t leave...she won’t leave...what am I going to do? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "It’s not over until I say it’s over." "This is newscaster Koppel, taking over for newscaster Zara. Zara is currently in custody aboard the Galactica, waiting to stand trial for the spacing of her previous videolator. It appears the spacing was not quite the tragic accident we had earlier been led to believe. That said, let us now enjoy today’s episode of our longest-running IFB serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 21 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where we see Reese hurrying to catch up with Sheba and Bojay. Reese: Sheba! Honey, dearest, great love of my life! Wait! Sheba: (Rolling her eyes.) Go ahead to the O Club, Bojay. I won’t be long. Bojay: Right. See you later. Bojay continues on, while Sheba waits for Reese. Reese: Welcome back, oh gorgeous goddess of glamorr: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for the Reese and several other security officers. Adama: (Watching the shuttle depart.) Well, that’s one problem dealt with. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Belloby... Uh, what brings you to the Galactica? We don’t need to deal with the KLF anymore... Belloby: I know. But talking to Omega, I realized just how severe the mushie shortage is here on the Galactica - so I brought a little treat as a peace offering to you, and as a thank you for bringing that darling young stud...uh, man, to my attention. Adama glances at Omega, eyebrows halfway off his head. Omega just grins smugly. Adama: (Stuttering.) Well, that was very...uh, generous of you, Belloby... Belloby: (Gesturing to security officers, who look hopeful.) Go get ‘em, boys. Reese and the officers stampede aboard the shuttle. Belloby: (Coyly.) I trust you’ll be appropriately appreciative, Adama. Adama glances at Omega again, unsure how to take the comment. A moment later, Reese appears at the hatch of the shuttle. Reeoking utterly lost. Adama: She won’t leave...she won’t leave...what am I going to do? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "It’s not over until I say it’s over." "This is newscaster Koppel, taking over for newscaster Zara. Zara is currently in custody aboard the Galactica, waiting to stand trial for the spacing of her previous videolator. It appears the spacing was not quite the tragic accident we had earlier been led to believe. That said, let us now enjoy today’s episode of our longest-running IFB serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 21 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where we see Reese hurrying to catch up with Sheba and Bojay. Reese: Sheba! Honey, dearest, great love of my life! Wait! Sheba: (Rolling her eyes.) Go ahead to the O Club, Bojay. I won’t be long. Bojay: Right. See you later. Bojay continues on, while Sheba waits for Reese. Reese: Welcome back, oh gorgeous goddess of glamoroking utterly lost. Adama: She won’t leave...she won’t leave...what am I going to do? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "It’s not over until I say it’s over." "This is newscaster Koppel, taking over for newscaster Zara. Zara is currently in custody aboard the Galactica, waiting to stand trial for the spacing of her previous videolator. It appears the spacing was not quite the tragic accident we had earlier been led to believe. That said, let us now enjoy today’s episode of our longest-running IFB serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 21 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where we see Reese hurrying to catch up with Sheba and Bojay. Reese: Sheba! Honey, dearest, great love of my life! Wait! Sheba: (Rolling her eyes.) Go ahead to the O Club, Bojay. I won’t be long. Bojay: Right. See you later. Bojay continues on, while Sheba waits for Reese. Reese: Welcome back, oh gorgeous goddess of glamorse: Hey, there’s no mushies here! Belloby, Omega, and Adama: (Shocked.) What? Reese: I said, there’s no mushies here! Adama: I heard you the first time! (Turns to Belloby.) What kind of cruel joke...? Belloby: (Bellowing at Reese.) You lost my mushies? Reese: Well, we didn’t exactly lose them... Belloby: Then what exactly did you do with them? Reese: Well, we didn’t find them! They’re not here! I didn’t do anything with them! Belloby: (Dangerously.) They were there when I left the Bakeryship! Reese: Well, they’re not here now... Uh...maybe they’ve been hi-jacked, ma’am...? Belloby: (Turning to Adama.) I’m holding you personally responsible for the hi-jacking of my mushies, Adama. And I’m not leaving this ship until you get to the bottom of this! Adama: (Horrified.) Oh. Okay. I’ll put my best men on it... Belloby: No, you won’t. He’s going to the O Club with me. C’mon, Omega, I’m buying. Belloby and Omega leave the bay for the O Club, leaving Adama lo, gaiety, golden tresses, and great gams. Sheba: Whaddaya want, Reese. Reese: (Hurt.) Is that any to greet your dearest darling? Sheba: It’s over between us, Reese. Reese: What? Sheba: I said, it’s over between us. Reese: Hey, it’s not over until I say it’s over! Sheba. Say it’s over, Reese, or I’ll space you. Reese: (Meekly.) It’s over. Sheba: Much better. I guess it’s wrong what everybody says about you - you do have a brain cell in that head after all. Reese: But...but why? What did I do wrong? Sheba: It was nothing you did. I found out that Cain isn’t really my father -- Chameleon is. And after dealing with Apollo, and you, and Starbuck, and enduring all those yahrens of thinking I was the daughter of this great military genius, and trying to live up to his reputation, instead of knowing I was the daughter of a common wagerer, and could’ve have some fun growing up... Well, I’m tired of men. I’m through with men. Reese: (Snidely.) Well, that explains wh next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. Whse: Hey, there’s no mushies here! Belloby, Omega, and Adama: (Shocked.) What? Reese: I said, there’s no mushies here! Adama: I heard you the first time! (Turns to Belloby.) What kind of cruel joke...? Belloby: (Bellowing at Reese.) You lost my mushies? Reese: Well, we didn’t exactly lose them... Belloby: Then what exactly did you do with them? Reese: Well, we didn’t find them! They’re not here! I didn’t do anything with them! Belloby: (Dangerously.) They were there when I left the Bakeryship! Reese: Well, they’re not here now... Uh...maybe they’ve been hi-jacked, ma’am...? Belloby: (Turning to Adama.) I’m holding you personally responsible for the hi-jacking of my mushies, Adama. And I’m not leaving this ship until you get to the bottom of this! Adama: (Horrified.) Oh. Okay. I’ll put my best men on it... Belloby: No, you won’t. He’s going to the O Club with me. C’mon, Omega, I’m buying. Belloby and Omega leave the bay for the O Club, leaving Adama lo, gaiety, golden tresses, and great gams. Sheba: Whaddaya want, Reese. Reese: (Hurt.) Is that any to greet your dearest darling? Sheba: It’s over between us, Reese. Reese: What? Sheba: I said, it’s over between us. Reese: Hey, it’s not over until I say it’s over! Sheba. Say it’s over, Reese, or I’ll space you. Reese: (Meekly.) It’s over. Sheba: Much better. I guess it’s wrong what everybody says about you - you do have a brain cell in that head after all. Reese: But...but why? What did I do wrong? Sheba: It was nothing you did. I found out that Cain isn’t really my father -- Chameleon is. And after dealing with Apollo, and you, and Starbuck, and enduring all those yahrens of thinking I was the daughter of this great military genius, and trying to live up to his reputation, instead of knowing I was the daughter of a common wagerer, and could’ve have some fun growing up... Well, I’m tired of men. I’m through with men. Reese: (Snidely.) Well, that explains wh, gaiety, golden tresses, and great gams. Sheba: Whaddaya want, Reese. Reese: (Hurt.) Is that any to greet your dearest darling? Sheba: It’s over between us, Reese. Reese: What? Sheba: I said, it’s over between us. Reese: Hey, it’s not over until I say it’s over! Sheba. Say it’s over, Reese, or I’ll space you. Reese: (Meekly.) It’s over. Sheba: Much better. I guess it’s wrong what everybody says about you - you do have a brain cell in that head after all. Reese: But...but why? What did I do wrong? Sheba: It was nothing you did. I found out that Cain isn’t really my father -- Chameleon is. And after dealing with Apollo, and you, and Starbuck, and enduring all those yahrens of thinking I was the daughter of this great military genius, and trying to live up to his reputation, instead of knowing I was the daughter of a common wagerer, and could’ve have some fun growing up... Well, I’m tired of men. I’m through with men. Reese: (Snidely.) Well, that explains whoking utterly lost. Adama: She won’t leave...she won’t leave...what am I going to do? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "It’s not over until I say it’s over." "This is newscaster Koppel, taking over for newscaster Zara. Zara is currently in custody aboard the Galactica, waiting to stand trial for the spacing of her previous videolator. It appears the spacing was not quite the tragic accident we had earlier been led to believe. That said, let us now enjoy today’s episode of our longest-running IFB serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 21 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where we see Reese hurrying to catch up with Sheba and Bojay. Reese: Sheba! Honey, dearest, great love of my life! Wait! Sheba: (Rolling her eyes.) Go ahead to the O Club, Bojay. I won’t be long. Bojay: Right. See you later. Bojay continues on, while Sheba waits for Reese. Reese: Welcome back, oh gorgeous goddess of glamory you’re still hanging around with Bojay, all right. Sheba: He’s the only man who’s never let me down. Well, him and Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Reese: So where do we go from here? What’s next for Sheba and Reese? Sheba: Well, if you promise not to drool, I’ll buy you a drink at the O Club. Reese: I’ll settle for that. They fall into step together. Sheba: You know, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Reese: I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew it could come to this. You’re one hades of a woman, Sheba, and I can understand why there wouldn’t be any man who could keep you happy for long. I’m just glad I had the chance to try. Sheba: (Glancing at him in astonishment.) Hmm. Well...thank you. Reese: Ha! Gotcha! Boomer comes racing up as though from out of nowhere. Boomer: Did you hear the news? They’re arrested Boxey - for hi-jacking mushies! Sheba and Reese stare at him, then at each other. Reese: Belloby’s mushies? Boomer:en I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the griloking utterly lost. Adama: She won’t leave...she won’t leave...what am I going to do? Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "It’s not over until I say it’s over." "This is newscaster Koppel, taking over for newscaster Zara. Zara is currently in custody aboard the Galactica, waiting to stand trial for the spacing of her previous videolator. It appears the spacing was not quite the tragic accident we had earlier been led to believe. That said, let us now enjoy today’s episode of our longest-running IFB serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 21 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where we see Reese hurrying to catch up with Sheba and Bojay. Reese: Sheba! Honey, dearest, great love of my life! Wait! Sheba: (Rolling her eyes.) Go ahead to the O Club, Bojay. I won’t be long. Bojay: Right. See you later. Bojay continues on, while Sheba waits for Reese. Reese: Welcome back, oh gorgeous goddess of glamory you’re still hanging around with Bojay, all right. Sheba: He’s the only man who’s never let me down. Well, him and Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Reese: So where do we go from here? What’s next for Sheba and Reese? Sheba: Well, if you promise not to drool, I’ll buy you a drink at the O Club. Reese: I’ll settle for that. They fall into step together. Sheba: You know, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Reese: I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew it could come to this. You’re one hades of a woman, Sheba, and I can understand why there wouldn’t be any man who could keep you happy for long. I’m just glad I had the chance to try. Sheba: (Glancing at him in astonishment.) Hmm. Well...thank you. Reese: Ha! Gotcha! Boomer comes racing up as though from out of nowhere. Boomer: Did you hear the news? They’re arrested Boxey - for hi-jacking mushies! Sheba and Reese stare at him, then at each other. Reese: Belloby’s mushies? Boomer:y you’re still hanging around with Bojay, all right. Sheba: He’s the only man who’s never let me down. Well, him and Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Reese: So where do we go from here? What’s next for Sheba and Reese? Sheba: Well, if you promise not to drool, I’ll buy you a drink at the O Club. Reese: I’ll settle for that. They fall into step together. Sheba: You know, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Reese: I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew it could come to this. You’re one hades of a woman, Sheba, and I can understand why there wouldn’t be any man who could keep you happy for long. I’m just glad I had the chance to try. Sheba: (Glancing at him in astonishment.) Hmm. Well...thank you. Reese: Ha! Gotcha! Boomer comes racing up as though from out of nowhere. Boomer: Did you hear the news? They’re arrested Boxey - for hi-jacking mushies! Sheba and Reese stare at him, then at each other. Reese: Belloby’s mushies? Boomer:, gaiety, golden tresses, and great gams. Sheba: Whaddaya want, Reese. Reese: (Hurt.) Is that any to greet your dearest darling? Sheba: It’s over between us, Reese. Reese: What? Sheba: I said, it’s over between us. Reese: Hey, it’s not over until I say it’s over! Sheba. Say it’s over, Reese, or I’ll space you. Reese: (Meekly.) It’s over. Sheba: Much better. I guess it’s wrong what everybody says about you - you do have a brain cell in that head after all. Reese: But...but why? What did I do wrong? Sheba: It was nothing you did. I found out that Cain isn’t really my father -- Chameleon is. And after dealing with Apollo, and you, and Starbuck, and enduring all those yahrens of thinking I was the daughter of this great military genius, and trying to live up to his reputation, instead of knowing I was the daughter of a common wagerer, and could’ve have some fun growing up... Well, I’m tired of men. I’m through with men. Reese: (Snidely.) Well, that explains wh I don’t know, they’re not releasing details yet... Sheba: Wow, if he’s found guilty, he could do yahrens in the prison barge! Boomer: Yeah. Sheba: And he wouldn’t be back on the Galactica... I know I never liked the kid, and he never liked me...kept comparing me to his mother... Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing to do... To the O Club! We’ve got some celebrating to do! With a whoop and a holler, the three of them head to the O Club. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Order, order in the tribunal!" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 22 Scene: The tribunal room aboard the Galactica, where, at long last, in that time-honored tradition of soaps everywhere, the dramatic trial is in progress. Among the crowd of spectators sits Zara’s videolator, a neck brace around his neck, his arm in a cast, wearing a back brace, and with two shapely med techs, one on either side. Zara’s protector, Barrister Boxl. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I , gaiety, golden tresses, and great gams. Sheba: Whaddaya want, Reese. Reese: (Hurt.) Is that any to greet your dearest darling? Sheba: It’s over between us, Reese. Reese: What? Sheba: I said, it’s over between us. Reese: Hey, it’s not over until I say it’s over! Sheba. Say it’s over, Reese, or I’ll space you. Reese: (Meekly.) It’s over. Sheba: Much better. I guess it’s wrong what everybody says about you - you do have a brain cell in that head after all. Reese: But...but why? What did I do wrong? Sheba: It was nothing you did. I found out that Cain isn’t really my father -- Chameleon is. And after dealing with Apollo, and you, and Starbuck, and enduring all those yahrens of thinking I was the daughter of this great military genius, and trying to live up to his reputation, instead of knowing I was the daughter of a common wagerer, and could’ve have some fun growing up... Well, I’m tired of men. I’m through with men. Reese: (Snidely.) Well, that explains wh I don’t know, they’re not releasing details yet... Sheba: Wow, if he’s found guilty, he could do yahrens in the prison barge! Boomer: Yeah. Sheba: And he wouldn’t be back on the Galactica... I know I never liked the kid, and he never liked me...kept comparing me to his mother... Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing to do... To the O Club! We’ve got some celebrating to do! With a whoop and a holler, the three of them head to the O Club. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Order, order in the tribunal!" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 22 Scene: The tribunal room aboard the Galactica, where, at long last, in that time-honored tradition of soaps everywhere, the dramatic trial is in progress. Among the crowd of spectators sits Zara’s videolator, a neck brace around his neck, his arm in a cast, wearing a back brace, and with two shapely med techs, one on either side. Zara’s protector, Barrister Box I don’t know, they’re not releasing details yet... Sheba: Wow, if he’s found guilty, he could do yahrens in the prison barge! Boomer: Yeah. Sheba: And he wouldn’t be back on the Galactica... I know I never liked the kid, and he never liked me...kept comparing me to his mother... Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing to do... To the O Club! We’ve got some celebrating to do! With a whoop and a holler, the three of them head to the O Club. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Order, order in the tribunal!" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 22 Scene: The tribunal room aboard the Galactica, where, at long last, in that time-honored tradition of soaps everywhere, the dramatic trial is in progress. Among the crowd of spectators sits Zara’s videolator, a neck brace around his neck, his arm in a cast, wearing a back brace, and with two shapely med techs, one on either side. Zara’s protector, Barrister Boxy you’re still hanging around with Bojay, all right. Sheba: He’s the only man who’s never let me down. Well, him and Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Reese: So where do we go from here? What’s next for Sheba and Reese? Sheba: Well, if you promise not to drool, I’ll buy you a drink at the O Club. Reese: I’ll settle for that. They fall into step together. Sheba: You know, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Reese: I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew it could come to this. You’re one hades of a woman, Sheba, and I can understand why there wouldn’t be any man who could keep you happy for long. I’m just glad I had the chance to try. Sheba: (Glancing at him in astonishment.) Hmm. Well...thank you. Reese: Ha! Gotcha! Boomer comes racing up as though from out of nowhere. Boomer: Did you hear the news? They’re arrested Boxey - for hi-jacking mushies! Sheba and Reese stare at him, then at each other. Reese: Belloby’s mushies? Boomer:ey, newly admitted to the bar, is at his table, short legs dangling. Opposer Sire Solon is questioning Zara... Sire Solon: Your videolator Paparazzi claims that you spaced him. You actually expect this tribunal to believe it was justifiable or an act of temporary insanity? Barrister Boxey: Objection! Foundation! You have not established that Paparazzi was a videolator and worked for Newscaster Zara. Adama: Regretfully upheld. Sire Solon: (Rolling his eyes and sighing, in what appears to be a common event.) All right, Zara. Let us first establish foundation. To the best of your knowledge, as far as you know, Videolator Paparazzi worked for IFB? Zara: He always represented himself so to me. Sire Solon: And he was most frequently assigned to cover your assignments? Zara: I wouldn’t know about most of the time... Sire Solon: (Sighing again.) On the day in question, was he assigned to work with you? Zara: Yes. Sire Solon: In his capacity as a videolator for IFBdon’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and they you’re still hanging around with Bojay, all right. Sheba: He’s the only man who’s never let me down. Well, him and Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Reese: So where do we go from here? What’s next for Sheba and Reese? Sheba: Well, if you promise not to drool, I’ll buy you a drink at the O Club. Reese: I’ll settle for that. They fall into step together. Sheba: You know, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Reese: I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew it could come to this. You’re one hades of a woman, Sheba, and I can understand why there wouldn’t be any man who could keep you happy for long. I’m just glad I had the chance to try. Sheba: (Glancing at him in astonishment.) Hmm. Well...thank you. Reese: Ha! Gotcha! Boomer comes racing up as though from out of nowhere. Boomer: Did you hear the news? They’re arrested Boxey - for hi-jacking mushies! Sheba and Reese stare at him, then at each other. Reese: Belloby’s mushies? Boomer:ey, newly admitted to the bar, is at his table, short legs dangling. Opposer Sire Solon is questioning Zara... Sire Solon: Your videolator Paparazzi claims that you spaced him. You actually expect this tribunal to believe it was justifiable or an act of temporary insanity? Barrister Boxey: Objection! Foundation! You have not established that Paparazzi was a videolator and worked for Newscaster Zara. Adama: Regretfully upheld. Sire Solon: (Rolling his eyes and sighing, in what appears to be a common event.) All right, Zara. Let us first establish foundation. To the best of your knowledge, as far as you know, Videolator Paparazzi worked for IFB? Zara: He always represented himself so to me. Sire Solon: And he was most frequently assigned to cover your assignments? Zara: I wouldn’t know about most of the time... Sire Solon: (Sighing again.) On the day in question, was he assigned to work with you? Zara: Yes. Sire Solon: In his capacity as a videolator for IFBey, newly admitted to the bar, is at his table, short legs dangling. Opposer Sire Solon is questioning Zara... Sire Solon: Your videolator Paparazzi claims that you spaced him. You actually expect this tribunal to believe it was justifiable or an act of temporary insanity? Barrister Boxey: Objection! Foundation! You have not established that Paparazzi was a videolator and worked for Newscaster Zara. Adama: Regretfully upheld. Sire Solon: (Rolling his eyes and sighing, in what appears to be a common event.) All right, Zara. Let us first establish foundation. To the best of your knowledge, as far as you know, Videolator Paparazzi worked for IFB? Zara: He always represented himself so to me. Sire Solon: And he was most frequently assigned to cover your assignments? Zara: I wouldn’t know about most of the time... Sire Solon: (Sighing again.) On the day in question, was he assigned to work with you? Zara: Yes. Sire Solon: In his capacity as a videolator for IFB I don’t know, they’re not releasing details yet... Sheba: Wow, if he’s found guilty, he could do yahrens in the prison barge! Boomer: Yeah. Sheba: And he wouldn’t be back on the Galactica... I know I never liked the kid, and he never liked me...kept comparing me to his mother... Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing to do... To the O Club! We’ve got some celebrating to do! With a whoop and a holler, the three of them head to the O Club. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Order, order in the tribunal!" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 22 Scene: The tribunal room aboard the Galactica, where, at long last, in that time-honored tradition of soaps everywhere, the dramatic trial is in progress. Among the crowd of spectators sits Zara’s videolator, a neck brace around his neck, his arm in a cast, wearing a back brace, and with two shapely med techs, one on either side. Zara’s protector, Barrister Box? Zara: (Sighing deeply.) Yes, as far as I know. Sire Solon: And on that day, you spaced him. Zara: Well...it was justifiable. Sire Solon: So you admit it? Zara: And I was insane. Sire Solon: (Dripping contempt...ugh, what a mess.) Oh, really. Zara: (Breaking down on the stand under the merciless Perry Mason style questioning and utter exhaustion.) Yes, I spaced the bum! And I knew what I was doing! And the crowd goes wild. Barrister Boxey: Objection! There is no foundation...oh, wait a centon, that helps us if he’s a bum. Objection dropped. Sire Solon: (More gently.) Would you tell us why? Zara: I couldn’t take it any more! He brought up Serina - again! For the thousandth time! Barrister Boxey: (Sitting up straighter.) What about my mother? Zara: (Glaring at the videolator.) Yes! He constantly compared me to her! I hated her! She wasn’t half as good as everybody said she was! She just walked all over everyone to become a Colonies-wide renowned ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go unde I don’t know, they’re not releasing details yet... Sheba: Wow, if he’s found guilty, he could do yahrens in the prison barge! Boomer: Yeah. Sheba: And he wouldn’t be back on the Galactica... I know I never liked the kid, and he never liked me...kept comparing me to his mother... Well, I guess that means there’s only one thing to do... To the O Club! We’ve got some celebrating to do! With a whoop and a holler, the three of them head to the O Club. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Order, order in the tribunal!" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 22 Scene: The tribunal room aboard the Galactica, where, at long last, in that time-honored tradition of soaps everywhere, the dramatic trial is in progress. Among the crowd of spectators sits Zara’s videolator, a neck brace around his neck, his arm in a cast, wearing a back brace, and with two shapely med techs, one on either side. Zara’s protector, Barrister Box? Zara: (Sighing deeply.) Yes, as far as I know. Sire Solon: And on that day, you spaced him. Zara: Well...it was justifiable. Sire Solon: So you admit it? Zara: And I was insane. Sire Solon: (Dripping contempt...ugh, what a mess.) Oh, really. Zara: (Breaking down on the stand under the merciless Perry Mason style questioning and utter exhaustion.) Yes, I spaced the bum! And I knew what I was doing! And the crowd goes wild. Barrister Boxey: Objection! There is no foundation...oh, wait a centon, that helps us if he’s a bum. Objection dropped. Sire Solon: (More gently.) Would you tell us why? Zara: I couldn’t take it any more! He brought up Serina - again! For the thousandth time! Barrister Boxey: (Sitting up straighter.) What about my mother? Zara: (Glaring at the videolator.) Yes! He constantly compared me to her! I hated her! She wasn’t half as good as everybody said she was! She just walked all over everyone to become a Colonies-wide renowned? Zara: (Sighing deeply.) Yes, as far as I know. Sire Solon: And on that day, you spaced him. Zara: Well...it was justifiable. Sire Solon: So you admit it? Zara: And I was insane. Sire Solon: (Dripping contempt...ugh, what a mess.) Oh, really. Zara: (Breaking down on the stand under the merciless Perry Mason style questioning and utter exhaustion.) Yes, I spaced the bum! And I knew what I was doing! And the crowd goes wild. Barrister Boxey: Objection! There is no foundation...oh, wait a centon, that helps us if he’s a bum. Objection dropped. Sire Solon: (More gently.) Would you tell us why? Zara: I couldn’t take it any more! He brought up Serina - again! For the thousandth time! Barrister Boxey: (Sitting up straighter.) What about my mother? Zara: (Glaring at the videolator.) Yes! He constantly compared me to her! I hated her! She wasn’t half as good as everybody said she was! She just walked all over everyone to become a Colonies-wide renownedey, newly admitted to the bar, is at his table, short legs dangling. Opposer Sire Solon is questioning Zara... Sire Solon: Your videolator Paparazzi claims that you spaced him. You actually expect this tribunal to believe it was justifiable or an act of temporary insanity? Barrister Boxey: Objection! Foundation! You have not established that Paparazzi was a videolator and worked for Newscaster Zara. Adama: Regretfully upheld. Sire Solon: (Rolling his eyes and sighing, in what appears to be a common event.) All right, Zara. Let us first establish foundation. To the best of your knowledge, as far as you know, Videolator Paparazzi worked for IFB? Zara: He always represented himself so to me. Sire Solon: And he was most frequently assigned to cover your assignments? Zara: I wouldn’t know about most of the time... Sire Solon: (Sighing again.) On the day in question, was he assigned to work with you? Zara: Yes. Sire Solon: In his capacity as a videolator for IFB newscaster! It was over the bodies of others of us! Like me! And she got fame, she got fortune, she got to jump Apollo’s bones... (Zara bursts into tears.) Barrister Boxey: (Leaping to his feet, then crawling up on the table when he realizes no one can see him otherwise.) You take that back about my mother! She was the best newscaster in the Colonies! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: Was too! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: I’ll get you for that! My client is guilty, granpa your honor! She did it on purpose! So there! (Sticks out tongue at Zara.) Zara: (Dramatically.) See what kind of protector I have? How could he do this to me? And the crowd goes wild. Adama: (Pounding gavel.) Order, order in the tribunal! The crowd settles down. Zara: And by the way, that whiplash claim is a sham! He’s just trying to get sympathy! (Sticks out tongue at Videolator Paparazzi.) Adama: (Sighing.) Newscaster Zara, you leave this tribunal no choice but to find you rcover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the meey, newly admitted to the bar, is at his table, short legs dangling. Opposer Sire Solon is questioning Zara... Sire Solon: Your videolator Paparazzi claims that you spaced him. You actually expect this tribunal to believe it was justifiable or an act of temporary insanity? Barrister Boxey: Objection! Foundation! You have not established that Paparazzi was a videolator and worked for Newscaster Zara. Adama: Regretfully upheld. Sire Solon: (Rolling his eyes and sighing, in what appears to be a common event.) All right, Zara. Let us first establish foundation. To the best of your knowledge, as far as you know, Videolator Paparazzi worked for IFB? Zara: He always represented himself so to me. Sire Solon: And he was most frequently assigned to cover your assignments? Zara: I wouldn’t know about most of the time... Sire Solon: (Sighing again.) On the day in question, was he assigned to work with you? Zara: Yes. Sire Solon: In his capacity as a videolator for IFB newscaster! It was over the bodies of others of us! Like me! And she got fame, she got fortune, she got to jump Apollo’s bones... (Zara bursts into tears.) Barrister Boxey: (Leaping to his feet, then crawling up on the table when he realizes no one can see him otherwise.) You take that back about my mother! She was the best newscaster in the Colonies! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: Was too! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: I’ll get you for that! My client is guilty, granpa your honor! She did it on purpose! So there! (Sticks out tongue at Zara.) Zara: (Dramatically.) See what kind of protector I have? How could he do this to me? And the crowd goes wild. Adama: (Pounding gavel.) Order, order in the tribunal! The crowd settles down. Zara: And by the way, that whiplash claim is a sham! He’s just trying to get sympathy! (Sticks out tongue at Videolator Paparazzi.) Adama: (Sighing.) Newscaster Zara, you leave this tribunal no choice but to find you newscaster! It was over the bodies of others of us! Like me! And she got fame, she got fortune, she got to jump Apollo’s bones... (Zara bursts into tears.) Barrister Boxey: (Leaping to his feet, then crawling up on the table when he realizes no one can see him otherwise.) You take that back about my mother! She was the best newscaster in the Colonies! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: Was too! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: I’ll get you for that! My client is guilty, granpa your honor! She did it on purpose! So there! (Sticks out tongue at Zara.) Zara: (Dramatically.) See what kind of protector I have? How could he do this to me? And the crowd goes wild. Adama: (Pounding gavel.) Order, order in the tribunal! The crowd settles down. Zara: And by the way, that whiplash claim is a sham! He’s just trying to get sympathy! (Sticks out tongue at Videolator Paparazzi.) Adama: (Sighing.) Newscaster Zara, you leave this tribunal no choice but to find you ? Zara: (Sighing deeply.) Yes, as far as I know. Sire Solon: And on that day, you spaced him. Zara: Well...it was justifiable. Sire Solon: So you admit it? Zara: And I was insane. Sire Solon: (Dripping contempt...ugh, what a mess.) Oh, really. Zara: (Breaking down on the stand under the merciless Perry Mason style questioning and utter exhaustion.) Yes, I spaced the bum! And I knew what I was doing! And the crowd goes wild. Barrister Boxey: Objection! There is no foundation...oh, wait a centon, that helps us if he’s a bum. Objection dropped. Sire Solon: (More gently.) Would you tell us why? Zara: I couldn’t take it any more! He brought up Serina - again! For the thousandth time! Barrister Boxey: (Sitting up straighter.) What about my mother? Zara: (Glaring at the videolator.) Yes! He constantly compared me to her! I hated her! She wasn’t half as good as everybody said she was! She just walked all over everyone to become a Colonies-wide renownedguilty of the deliberate spacing of Videolator Paparazzi, without justification. We must sentence you to spend the rest of your life on the Prison Barge. (Bangs gavel again.) Security steps forward to hustle Zara out of the tribunal room. Adama then glances over the crowd. Adama: Next, this tribunal will hear the case of Fleet versus Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front! And the crowd goes wild. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "I’d like to use a lifeline and call a surprise witness..." Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 23 Scene: Still in the tribunal room. Adama and two ship commanders are still sitting in judgment. Sire Solon is still the Opposer. Only now, Boxey is the person on trial. Jolly and Cassie take seats, holding hands. Siress Belloby also arrives, with Officer Omega close to hand. Sire Solon: (Sternly and paternally, to Boxey.) Isn’t it true that you were also a leader of the so-calntal trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants r? Zara: (Sighing deeply.) Yes, as far as I know. Sire Solon: And on that day, you spaced him. Zara: Well...it was justifiable. Sire Solon: So you admit it? Zara: And I was insane. Sire Solon: (Dripping contempt...ugh, what a mess.) Oh, really. Zara: (Breaking down on the stand under the merciless Perry Mason style questioning and utter exhaustion.) Yes, I spaced the bum! And I knew what I was doing! And the crowd goes wild. Barrister Boxey: Objection! There is no foundation...oh, wait a centon, that helps us if he’s a bum. Objection dropped. Sire Solon: (More gently.) Would you tell us why? Zara: I couldn’t take it any more! He brought up Serina - again! For the thousandth time! Barrister Boxey: (Sitting up straighter.) What about my mother? Zara: (Glaring at the videolator.) Yes! He constantly compared me to her! I hated her! She wasn’t half as good as everybody said she was! She just walked all over everyone to become a Colonies-wide renownedguilty of the deliberate spacing of Videolator Paparazzi, without justification. We must sentence you to spend the rest of your life on the Prison Barge. (Bangs gavel again.) Security steps forward to hustle Zara out of the tribunal room. Adama then glances over the crowd. Adama: Next, this tribunal will hear the case of Fleet versus Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front! And the crowd goes wild. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "I’d like to use a lifeline and call a surprise witness..." Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 23 Scene: Still in the tribunal room. Adama and two ship commanders are still sitting in judgment. Sire Solon is still the Opposer. Only now, Boxey is the person on trial. Jolly and Cassie take seats, holding hands. Siress Belloby also arrives, with Officer Omega close to hand. Sire Solon: (Sternly and paternally, to Boxey.) Isn’t it true that you were also a leader of the so-calguilty of the deliberate spacing of Videolator Paparazzi, without justification. We must sentence you to spend the rest of your life on the Prison Barge. (Bangs gavel again.) Security steps forward to hustle Zara out of the tribunal room. Adama then glances over the crowd. Adama: Next, this tribunal will hear the case of Fleet versus Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front! And the crowd goes wild. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "I’d like to use a lifeline and call a surprise witness..." Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 23 Scene: Still in the tribunal room. Adama and two ship commanders are still sitting in judgment. Sire Solon is still the Opposer. Only now, Boxey is the person on trial. Jolly and Cassie take seats, holding hands. Siress Belloby also arrives, with Officer Omega close to hand. Sire Solon: (Sternly and paternally, to Boxey.) Isn’t it true that you were also a leader of the so-cal newscaster! It was over the bodies of others of us! Like me! And she got fame, she got fortune, she got to jump Apollo’s bones... (Zara bursts into tears.) Barrister Boxey: (Leaping to his feet, then crawling up on the table when he realizes no one can see him otherwise.) You take that back about my mother! She was the best newscaster in the Colonies! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: Was too! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: I’ll get you for that! My client is guilty, granpa your honor! She did it on purpose! So there! (Sticks out tongue at Zara.) Zara: (Dramatically.) See what kind of protector I have? How could he do this to me? And the crowd goes wild. Adama: (Pounding gavel.) Order, order in the tribunal! The crowd settles down. Zara: And by the way, that whiplash claim is a sham! He’s just trying to get sympathy! (Sticks out tongue at Videolator Paparazzi.) Adama: (Sighing.) Newscaster Zara, you leave this tribunal no choice but to find you led Kiddie Liberation Front? Boxey: Irrelevant to these proceedings. Sire Solon: (Taken aback) What? Boxey: I thought I was charged with hi-jacking Siress Belloby’s mushies. Sire Solon: You are. Boxey: Well, what’s the KLF got to do with that? Sire Solon: We don’t know yet- Boxey, you learned most of what you know about the law from me. Don’t try to play games - I wrote the rules. Boxey: (Shrugging with his best innocent look.) I’m a kid. What do the rules mean to me? Sire Solon: They can mean time out, if broken! And friends refusing to play with you any more! And in this case, they may mean incarceration - stealing mushies is a serious offense! Boxey: I’d like to use a lifeline... Sire Solon: (Impatiently.) Wrong show. Boxey: All right, I want an immunity challenge! Sire Solon: Nope. Boxey: Then I want to call a surprise witness... Sire Solon: Now, you know as well as I do that surprise witnesses, while making for great video drama, are not alloweound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who newscaster! It was over the bodies of others of us! Like me! And she got fame, she got fortune, she got to jump Apollo’s bones... (Zara bursts into tears.) Barrister Boxey: (Leaping to his feet, then crawling up on the table when he realizes no one can see him otherwise.) You take that back about my mother! She was the best newscaster in the Colonies! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: Was too! Zara: Was not! Barrister Boxey: I’ll get you for that! My client is guilty, granpa your honor! She did it on purpose! So there! (Sticks out tongue at Zara.) Zara: (Dramatically.) See what kind of protector I have? How could he do this to me? And the crowd goes wild. Adama: (Pounding gavel.) Order, order in the tribunal! The crowd settles down. Zara: And by the way, that whiplash claim is a sham! He’s just trying to get sympathy! (Sticks out tongue at Videolator Paparazzi.) Adama: (Sighing.) Newscaster Zara, you leave this tribunal no choice but to find you led Kiddie Liberation Front? Boxey: Irrelevant to these proceedings. Sire Solon: (Taken aback) What? Boxey: I thought I was charged with hi-jacking Siress Belloby’s mushies. Sire Solon: You are. Boxey: Well, what’s the KLF got to do with that? Sire Solon: We don’t know yet- Boxey, you learned most of what you know about the law from me. Don’t try to play games - I wrote the rules. Boxey: (Shrugging with his best innocent look.) I’m a kid. What do the rules mean to me? Sire Solon: They can mean time out, if broken! And friends refusing to play with you any more! And in this case, they may mean incarceration - stealing mushies is a serious offense! Boxey: I’d like to use a lifeline... Sire Solon: (Impatiently.) Wrong show. Boxey: All right, I want an immunity challenge! Sire Solon: Nope. Boxey: Then I want to call a surprise witness... Sire Solon: Now, you know as well as I do that surprise witnesses, while making for great video drama, are not alloweled Kiddie Liberation Front? Boxey: Irrelevant to these proceedings. Sire Solon: (Taken aback) What? Boxey: I thought I was charged with hi-jacking Siress Belloby’s mushies. Sire Solon: You are. Boxey: Well, what’s the KLF got to do with that? Sire Solon: We don’t know yet- Boxey, you learned most of what you know about the law from me. Don’t try to play games - I wrote the rules. Boxey: (Shrugging with his best innocent look.) I’m a kid. What do the rules mean to me? Sire Solon: They can mean time out, if broken! And friends refusing to play with you any more! And in this case, they may mean incarceration - stealing mushies is a serious offense! Boxey: I’d like to use a lifeline... Sire Solon: (Impatiently.) Wrong show. Boxey: All right, I want an immunity challenge! Sire Solon: Nope. Boxey: Then I want to call a surprise witness... Sire Solon: Now, you know as well as I do that surprise witnesses, while making for great video drama, are not alloweguilty of the deliberate spacing of Videolator Paparazzi, without justification. We must sentence you to spend the rest of your life on the Prison Barge. (Bangs gavel again.) Security steps forward to hustle Zara out of the tribunal room. Adama then glances over the crowd. Adama: Next, this tribunal will hear the case of Fleet versus Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front! And the crowd goes wild. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "I’d like to use a lifeline and call a surprise witness..." Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 23 Scene: Still in the tribunal room. Adama and two ship commanders are still sitting in judgment. Sire Solon is still the Opposer. Only now, Boxey is the person on trial. Jolly and Cassie take seats, holding hands. Siress Belloby also arrives, with Officer Omega close to hand. Sire Solon: (Sternly and paternally, to Boxey.) Isn’t it true that you were also a leader of the so-cald in real courtrooms. Boxey: It’s a rebuttal witness - I’m allowed rebuttal witnesses, check my witness list! Sire Solon looks at Adama, who quickly skims the information on a computer screen. Adama: The witness must be allowed - Boxey very clearly states he will be bringing in rebuttal witnesses. Sire Solon: (Protesting.) But I haven’t said anything that needs to be rebutted! Adama: You did say he was accused of stealing mushies. Sire Solon: Well, yes... Adama shrugs; Boxey resumes his protector seat. Barrister Boxey: I call Child #98! Child #98 takes the stand, to the cheers, whistles, and foot-stamping of the other children. Barrister Boxey: Child #98, you are aware that there is an accusation that mushies have been stolen, or hi-jacked, or otherwise made off with? Child #98: I’ve heard that, yeah. Barrister Boxey: Where was I when those mushies were taken? Child #98: On a shuttle with me, flying back to the Jolly and Cassie ship. Child Chorus: Hoot, hhas been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? Youguilty of the deliberate spacing of Videolator Paparazzi, without justification. We must sentence you to spend the rest of your life on the Prison Barge. (Bangs gavel again.) Security steps forward to hustle Zara out of the tribunal room. Adama then glances over the crowd. Adama: Next, this tribunal will hear the case of Fleet versus Boxey and the Kiddie Liberation Front! And the crowd goes wild. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boxey say, "I’d like to use a lifeline and call a surprise witness..." Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 23 Scene: Still in the tribunal room. Adama and two ship commanders are still sitting in judgment. Sire Solon is still the Opposer. Only now, Boxey is the person on trial. Jolly and Cassie take seats, holding hands. Siress Belloby also arrives, with Officer Omega close to hand. Sire Solon: (Sternly and paternally, to Boxey.) Isn’t it true that you were also a leader of the so-cald in real courtrooms. Boxey: It’s a rebuttal witness - I’m allowed rebuttal witnesses, check my witness list! Sire Solon looks at Adama, who quickly skims the information on a computer screen. Adama: The witness must be allowed - Boxey very clearly states he will be bringing in rebuttal witnesses. Sire Solon: (Protesting.) But I haven’t said anything that needs to be rebutted! Adama: You did say he was accused of stealing mushies. Sire Solon: Well, yes... Adama shrugs; Boxey resumes his protector seat. Barrister Boxey: I call Child #98! Child #98 takes the stand, to the cheers, whistles, and foot-stamping of the other children. Barrister Boxey: Child #98, you are aware that there is an accusation that mushies have been stolen, or hi-jacked, or otherwise made off with? Child #98: I’ve heard that, yeah. Barrister Boxey: Where was I when those mushies were taken? Child #98: On a shuttle with me, flying back to the Jolly and Cassie ship. Child Chorus: Hoot, hd in real courtrooms. Boxey: It’s a rebuttal witness - I’m allowed rebuttal witnesses, check my witness list! Sire Solon looks at Adama, who quickly skims the information on a computer screen. Adama: The witness must be allowed - Boxey very clearly states he will be bringing in rebuttal witnesses. Sire Solon: (Protesting.) But I haven’t said anything that needs to be rebutted! Adama: You did say he was accused of stealing mushies. Sire Solon: Well, yes... Adama shrugs; Boxey resumes his protector seat. Barrister Boxey: I call Child #98! Child #98 takes the stand, to the cheers, whistles, and foot-stamping of the other children. Barrister Boxey: Child #98, you are aware that there is an accusation that mushies have been stolen, or hi-jacked, or otherwise made off with? Child #98: I’ve heard that, yeah. Barrister Boxey: Where was I when those mushies were taken? Child #98: On a shuttle with me, flying back to the Jolly and Cassie ship. Child Chorus: Hoot, hled Kiddie Liberation Front? Boxey: Irrelevant to these proceedings. Sire Solon: (Taken aback) What? Boxey: I thought I was charged with hi-jacking Siress Belloby’s mushies. Sire Solon: You are. Boxey: Well, what’s the KLF got to do with that? Sire Solon: We don’t know yet- Boxey, you learned most of what you know about the law from me. Don’t try to play games - I wrote the rules. Boxey: (Shrugging with his best innocent look.) I’m a kid. What do the rules mean to me? Sire Solon: They can mean time out, if broken! And friends refusing to play with you any more! And in this case, they may mean incarceration - stealing mushies is a serious offense! Boxey: I’d like to use a lifeline... Sire Solon: (Impatiently.) Wrong show. Boxey: All right, I want an immunity challenge! Sire Solon: Nope. Boxey: Then I want to call a surprise witness... Sire Solon: Now, you know as well as I do that surprise witnesses, while making for great video drama, are not alloweoot! Hurray! Three cheers! Barrister Boxey: So I could not possibly have taken those mushies, could I? Child #98: Nope. Barrister Boxey: I rest my case. You may sit down, Child #98. Sire Solon: Excuse me, Commander, I’m entitled to rebut the rebuttal witness, and I have a few questions too. (Checks tunic for number.) Child #98, you and Boxey were on your way back to your ship? Child #98: Yup. Sire Solon: After attempting to negotiate a mushie settlement for the so-called Kiddie Liberation Front after they seized control of the Galactica? Child #98: Yes. Sire Solon: So you were both part of the KLF? Child #98: Yes. Barrister Boxey: Objection! Sire Solon: I rest my case. Adama: The case is completed. I have no choice but to find Boxey innocent of hi-jacking mushies, but guilty of terrorist acts. Boxey, you are sentenced-- Barrister Boxey: Hah! I’m six years old, I can’t be incarcerated under Caprican law! I can only be released to the custody of my led Kiddie Liberation Front? Boxey: Irrelevant to these proceedings. Sire Solon: (Taken aback) What? Boxey: I thought I was charged with hi-jacking Siress Belloby’s mushies. Sire Solon: You are. Boxey: Well, what’s the KLF got to do with that? Sire Solon: We don’t know yet- Boxey, you learned most of what you know about the law from me. Don’t try to play games - I wrote the rules. Boxey: (Shrugging with his best innocent look.) I’m a kid. What do the rules mean to me? Sire Solon: They can mean time out, if broken! And friends refusing to play with you any more! And in this case, they may mean incarceration - stealing mushies is a serious offense! Boxey: I’d like to use a lifeline... Sire Solon: (Impatiently.) Wrong show. Boxey: All right, I want an immunity challenge! Sire Solon: Nope. Boxey: Then I want to call a surprise witness... Sire Solon: Now, you know as well as I do that surprise witnesses, while making for great video drama, are not allowe let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the oot! Hurray! Three cheers! Barrister Boxey: So I could not possibly have taken those mushies, could I? Child #98: Nope. Barrister Boxey: I rest my case. You may sit down, Child #98. Sire Solon: Excuse me, Commander, I’m entitled to rebut the rebuttal witness, and I have a few questions too. (Checks tunic for number.) Child #98, you and Boxey were on your way back to your ship? Child #98: Yup. Sire Solon: After attempting to negotiate a mushie settlement for the so-called Kiddie Liberation Front after they seized control of the Galactica? Child #98: Yes. Sire Solon: So you were both part of the KLF? Child #98: Yes. Barrister Boxey: Objection! Sire Solon: I rest my case. Adama: The case is completed. I have no choice but to find Boxey innocent of hi-jacking mushies, but guilty of terrorist acts. Boxey, you are sentenced-- Barrister Boxey: Hah! I’m six years old, I can’t be incarcerated under Caprican law! I can only be released to the custody of my oot! Hurray! Three cheers! Barrister Boxey: So I could not possibly have taken those mushies, could I? Child #98: Nope. Barrister Boxey: I rest my case. You may sit down, Child #98. Sire Solon: Excuse me, Commander, I’m entitled to rebut the rebuttal witness, and I have a few questions too. (Checks tunic for number.) Child #98, you and Boxey were on your way back to your ship? Child #98: Yup. Sire Solon: After attempting to negotiate a mushie settlement for the so-called Kiddie Liberation Front after they seized control of the Galactica? Child #98: Yes. Sire Solon: So you were both part of the KLF? Child #98: Yes. Barrister Boxey: Objection! Sire Solon: I rest my case. Adama: The case is completed. I have no choice but to find Boxey innocent of hi-jacking mushies, but guilty of terrorist acts. Boxey, you are sentenced-- Barrister Boxey: Hah! I’m six years old, I can’t be incarcerated under Caprican law! I can only be released to the custody of my d in real courtrooms. Boxey: It’s a rebuttal witness - I’m allowed rebuttal witnesses, check my witness list! Sire Solon looks at Adama, who quickly skims the information on a computer screen. Adama: The witness must be allowed - Boxey very clearly states he will be bringing in rebuttal witnesses. Sire Solon: (Protesting.) But I haven’t said anything that needs to be rebutted! Adama: You did say he was accused of stealing mushies. Sire Solon: Well, yes... Adama shrugs; Boxey resumes his protector seat. Barrister Boxey: I call Child #98! Child #98 takes the stand, to the cheers, whistles, and foot-stamping of the other children. Barrister Boxey: Child #98, you are aware that there is an accusation that mushies have been stolen, or hi-jacked, or otherwise made off with? Child #98: I’ve heard that, yeah. Barrister Boxey: Where was I when those mushies were taken? Child #98: On a shuttle with me, flying back to the Jolly and Cassie ship. Child Chorus: Hoot, hparents! Sire Solon: But you have no parents - you filed a brief asking for emancipation! It was granted! Jolly and Cassie: (After looking at each other in the ensuing silence.) We’ll be responsible for him! He just needs a firm hand, loving guidance, a few friends his own age, a place he can call home, etc. etc. Adama: Done! Get him out of here! The crowd quickly files out, leaving only Siress Belloby. Belloby: Well, that took care of one of the fleet’s problems, Adama, but you still haven’t found my mushies. (Smugly.) And that means I’m still not leaving the Galactica. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Baltar say, "Hello, Zara." Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 24 Scene: The Prison Barge. Lomas, one of the guards, leads Zara past a row of cells where the male inmates deliver a series of hoots, whistles, and rude comments. She gives them an appropriate hand signal in return. At the end of the row is td in real courtrooms. Boxey: It’s a rebuttal witness - I’m allowed rebuttal witnesses, check my witness list! Sire Solon looks at Adama, who quickly skims the information on a computer screen. Adama: The witness must be allowed - Boxey very clearly states he will be bringing in rebuttal witnesses. Sire Solon: (Protesting.) But I haven’t said anything that needs to be rebutted! Adama: You did say he was accused of stealing mushies. Sire Solon: Well, yes... Adama shrugs; Boxey resumes his protector seat. Barrister Boxey: I call Child #98! Child #98 takes the stand, to the cheers, whistles, and foot-stamping of the other children. Barrister Boxey: Child #98, you are aware that there is an accusation that mushies have been stolen, or hi-jacked, or otherwise made off with? Child #98: I’ve heard that, yeah. Barrister Boxey: Where was I when those mushies were taken? Child #98: On a shuttle with me, flying back to the Jolly and Cassie ship. Child Chorus: Hoot, hparents! Sire Solon: But you have no parents - you filed a brief asking for emancipation! It was granted! Jolly and Cassie: (After looking at each other in the ensuing silence.) We’ll be responsible for him! He just needs a firm hand, loving guidance, a few friends his own age, a place he can call home, etc. etc. Adama: Done! Get him out of here! The crowd quickly files out, leaving only Siress Belloby. Belloby: Well, that took care of one of the fleet’s problems, Adama, but you still haven’t found my mushies. (Smugly.) And that means I’m still not leaving the Galactica. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Baltar say, "Hello, Zara." Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 24 Scene: The Prison Barge. Lomas, one of the guards, leads Zara past a row of cells where the male inmates deliver a series of hoots, whistles, and rude comments. She gives them an appropriate hand signal in return. At the end of the row is trepairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilkparents! Sire Solon: But you have no parents - you filed a brief asking for emancipation! It was granted! Jolly and Cassie: (After looking at each other in the ensuing silence.) We’ll be responsible for him! He just needs a firm hand, loving guidance, a few friends his own age, a place he can call home, etc. etc. Adama: Done! Get him out of here! The crowd quickly files out, leaving only Siress Belloby. Belloby: Well, that took care of one of the fleet’s problems, Adama, but you still haven’t found my mushies. (Smugly.) And that means I’m still not leaving the Galactica. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Baltar say, "Hello, Zara." Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 24 Scene: The Prison Barge. Lomas, one of the guards, leads Zara past a row of cells where the male inmates deliver a series of hoots, whistles, and rude comments. She gives them an appropriate hand signal in return. At the end of the row is toot! Hurray! Three cheers! Barrister Boxey: So I could not possibly have taken those mushies, could I? Child #98: Nope. Barrister Boxey: I rest my case. You may sit down, Child #98. Sire Solon: Excuse me, Commander, I’m entitled to rebut the rebuttal witness, and I have a few questions too. (Checks tunic for number.) Child #98, you and Boxey were on your way back to your ship? Child #98: Yup. Sire Solon: After attempting to negotiate a mushie settlement for the so-called Kiddie Liberation Front after they seized control of the Galactica? Child #98: Yes. Sire Solon: So you were both part of the KLF? Child #98: Yes. Barrister Boxey: Objection! Sire Solon: I rest my case. Adama: The case is completed. I have no choice but to find Boxey innocent of hi-jacking mushies, but guilty of terrorist acts. Boxey, you are sentenced-- Barrister Boxey: Hah! I’m six years old, I can’t be incarcerated under Caprican law! I can only be released to the custody of my he mess hall. Lomas: Well, you may as well have a meal before we lock you up in the women’s row, since it’s that time. Zara glowers and doesn’t deign to answer. Lomas: Grab a plate and have a seat; I’ll be back in a half a centar. For lack of anything better to do, Zara picks up a plate and begins going through the line. Zara: Is this all there is? Convict Server #1: (Slopping a little yellow slop on her plate.) Well, whaddaya think we get here, mushies? Zara: (Dramatically.) I’m going to cry. Convict Server #2: (Glopping a little green glop on her plate.) Won’t do any good. Some of us tried it. Zara: How about if I throw a fit? Convict Server #3: (Dropping a little red drop on her plate.) Well, the Nomen tried that, with the Alliance Enforcers. Zara: Did it work? Convict Server #4: (Pouring a cup full of brown fluid that looks suspicious like caff from flash-frozen crystals.) Nah. We’ve heard rumors that the Enforcers went back to their planet and got soot! Hurray! Three cheers! Barrister Boxey: So I could not possibly have taken those mushies, could I? Child #98: Nope. Barrister Boxey: I rest my case. You may sit down, Child #98. Sire Solon: Excuse me, Commander, I’m entitled to rebut the rebuttal witness, and I have a few questions too. (Checks tunic for number.) Child #98, you and Boxey were on your way back to your ship? Child #98: Yup. Sire Solon: After attempting to negotiate a mushie settlement for the so-called Kiddie Liberation Front after they seized control of the Galactica? Child #98: Yes. Sire Solon: So you were both part of the KLF? Child #98: Yes. Barrister Boxey: Objection! Sire Solon: I rest my case. Adama: The case is completed. I have no choice but to find Boxey innocent of hi-jacking mushies, but guilty of terrorist acts. Boxey, you are sentenced-- Barrister Boxey: Hah! I’m six years old, I can’t be incarcerated under Caprican law! I can only be released to the custody of my he mess hall. Lomas: Well, you may as well have a meal before we lock you up in the women’s row, since it’s that time. Zara glowers and doesn’t deign to answer. Lomas: Grab a plate and have a seat; I’ll be back in a half a centar. For lack of anything better to do, Zara picks up a plate and begins going through the line. Zara: Is this all there is? Convict Server #1: (Slopping a little yellow slop on her plate.) Well, whaddaya think we get here, mushies? Zara: (Dramatically.) I’m going to cry. Convict Server #2: (Glopping a little green glop on her plate.) Won’t do any good. Some of us tried it. Zara: How about if I throw a fit? Convict Server #3: (Dropping a little red drop on her plate.) Well, the Nomen tried that, with the Alliance Enforcers. Zara: Did it work? Convict Server #4: (Pouring a cup full of brown fluid that looks suspicious like caff from flash-frozen crystals.) Nah. We’ve heard rumors that the Enforcers went back to their planet and got ser to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there wahe mess hall. Lomas: Well, you may as well have a meal before we lock you up in the women’s row, since it’s that time. Zara glowers and doesn’t deign to answer. Lomas: Grab a plate and have a seat; I’ll be back in a half a centar. For lack of anything better to do, Zara picks up a plate and begins going through the line. Zara: Is this all there is? Convict Server #1: (Slopping a little yellow slop on her plate.) Well, whaddaya think we get here, mushies? Zara: (Dramatically.) I’m going to cry. Convict Server #2: (Glopping a little green glop on her plate.) Won’t do any good. Some of us tried it. Zara: How about if I throw a fit? Convict Server #3: (Dropping a little red drop on her plate.) Well, the Nomen tried that, with the Alliance Enforcers. Zara: Did it work? Convict Server #4: (Pouring a cup full of brown fluid that looks suspicious like caff from flash-frozen crystals.) Nah. We’ve heard rumors that the Enforcers went back to their planet and got sparents! Sire Solon: But you have no parents - you filed a brief asking for emancipation! It was granted! Jolly and Cassie: (After looking at each other in the ensuing silence.) We’ll be responsible for him! He just needs a firm hand, loving guidance, a few friends his own age, a place he can call home, etc. etc. Adama: Done! Get him out of here! The crowd quickly files out, leaving only Siress Belloby. Belloby: Well, that took care of one of the fleet’s problems, Adama, but you still haven’t found my mushies. (Smugly.) And that means I’m still not leaving the Galactica. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Baltar say, "Hello, Zara." Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 24 Scene: The Prison Barge. Lomas, one of the guards, leads Zara past a row of cells where the male inmates deliver a series of hoots, whistles, and rude comments. She gives them an appropriate hand signal in return. At the end of the row is tpaced because they dared to let themselves be captured by an inferior enemy, and the Nomen got spaced for being enemies. Zara: (Staring at her cup.) Oh, no, I don’t think I can take this... Baltar: (Masquerading as Convict Server #5, the table director.) Hello, Zara. Zara: Baltar. I won’t say hello, because that would be greeting you, which would be acknowledging your existence, and after what you did, you don’t deserve to have your existence acknowledged. Baltar: You don’t belong here, Zara. You’re too intelligent, too beautiful, too gifted. You belong at the front news desk of the premiere news network in the galaxy. Zara: (Brightening up.) Really? You think so? Baltar: You’ve never been fairly appreciated. I know the feeling. I’m actually Cain’s illegitimate half-brother - do you think I got any respect? Do you think my genius was ever noticed? No. I had to make my own way in the worlds. I had to earn my own fortune, my own respect. I was misunderstood.parents! Sire Solon: But you have no parents - you filed a brief asking for emancipation! It was granted! Jolly and Cassie: (After looking at each other in the ensuing silence.) We’ll be responsible for him! He just needs a firm hand, loving guidance, a few friends his own age, a place he can call home, etc. etc. Adama: Done! Get him out of here! The crowd quickly files out, leaving only Siress Belloby. Belloby: Well, that took care of one of the fleet’s problems, Adama, but you still haven’t found my mushies. (Smugly.) And that means I’m still not leaving the Galactica. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Baltar say, "Hello, Zara." Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 24 Scene: The Prison Barge. Lomas, one of the guards, leads Zara past a row of cells where the male inmates deliver a series of hoots, whistles, and rude comments. She gives them an appropriate hand signal in return. At the end of the row is tpaced because they dared to let themselves be captured by an inferior enemy, and the Nomen got spaced for being enemies. Zara: (Staring at her cup.) Oh, no, I don’t think I can take this... Baltar: (Masquerading as Convict Server #5, the table director.) Hello, Zara. Zara: Baltar. I won’t say hello, because that would be greeting you, which would be acknowledging your existence, and after what you did, you don’t deserve to have your existence acknowledged. Baltar: You don’t belong here, Zara. You’re too intelligent, too beautiful, too gifted. You belong at the front news desk of the premiere news network in the galaxy. Zara: (Brightening up.) Really? You think so? Baltar: You’ve never been fairly appreciated. I know the feeling. I’m actually Cain’s illegitimate half-brother - do you think I got any respect? Do you think my genius was ever noticed? No. I had to make my own way in the worlds. I had to earn my own fortune, my own respect. I was misunderstood.s something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exercispaced because they dared to let themselves be captured by an inferior enemy, and the Nomen got spaced for being enemies. Zara: (Staring at her cup.) Oh, no, I don’t think I can take this... Baltar: (Masquerading as Convict Server #5, the table director.) Hello, Zara. Zara: Baltar. I won’t say hello, because that would be greeting you, which would be acknowledging your existence, and after what you did, you don’t deserve to have your existence acknowledged. Baltar: You don’t belong here, Zara. You’re too intelligent, too beautiful, too gifted. You belong at the front news desk of the premiere news network in the galaxy. Zara: (Brightening up.) Really? You think so? Baltar: You’ve never been fairly appreciated. I know the feeling. I’m actually Cain’s illegitimate half-brother - do you think I got any respect? Do you think my genius was ever noticed? No. I had to make my own way in the worlds. I had to earn my own fortune, my own respect. I was misunderstood.he mess hall. Lomas: Well, you may as well have a meal before we lock you up in the women’s row, since it’s that time. Zara glowers and doesn’t deign to answer. Lomas: Grab a plate and have a seat; I’ll be back in a half a centar. For lack of anything better to do, Zara picks up a plate and begins going through the line. Zara: Is this all there is? Convict Server #1: (Slopping a little yellow slop on her plate.) Well, whaddaya think we get here, mushies? Zara: (Dramatically.) I’m going to cry. Convict Server #2: (Glopping a little green glop on her plate.) Won’t do any good. Some of us tried it. Zara: How about if I throw a fit? Convict Server #3: (Dropping a little red drop on her plate.) Well, the Nomen tried that, with the Alliance Enforcers. Zara: Did it work? Convict Server #4: (Pouring a cup full of brown fluid that looks suspicious like caff from flash-frozen crystals.) Nah. We’ve heard rumors that the Enforcers went back to their planet and got s I had to face my own half-brother trying to kill me. Nothing ever came easy to me. Zara: I know exactly what you mean... Baltar: It sounds...like we’re a lot alike, Zara... Zara: Well, other than that betraying the entire Twelve Colonies of Man thing... Baltar: Well, yes, except for that. Zara: So what are you suggesting? Baltar: I could show you the ropes here. Introduce you around. Let people know you’re not someone to be trifled with. I could...be your confidante. We could...talk. And ultimately, I could give you the exclusive of a lifetime - that would make the rest forget there ever was such a person as Serina - except as someone who had to get herself killed by Cylons to get out of the way when your career took off like the shooting star it was meant to be... Zara: (Beginning to smile.) Count Baltar, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’he mess hall. Lomas: Well, you may as well have a meal before we lock you up in the women’s row, since it’s that time. Zara glowers and doesn’t deign to answer. Lomas: Grab a plate and have a seat; I’ll be back in a half a centar. For lack of anything better to do, Zara picks up a plate and begins going through the line. Zara: Is this all there is? Convict Server #1: (Slopping a little yellow slop on her plate.) Well, whaddaya think we get here, mushies? Zara: (Dramatically.) I’m going to cry. Convict Server #2: (Glopping a little green glop on her plate.) Won’t do any good. Some of us tried it. Zara: How about if I throw a fit? Convict Server #3: (Dropping a little red drop on her plate.) Well, the Nomen tried that, with the Alliance Enforcers. Zara: Did it work? Convict Server #4: (Pouring a cup full of brown fluid that looks suspicious like caff from flash-frozen crystals.) Nah. We’ve heard rumors that the Enforcers went back to their planet and got s I had to face my own half-brother trying to kill me. Nothing ever came easy to me. Zara: I know exactly what you mean... Baltar: It sounds...like we’re a lot alike, Zara... Zara: Well, other than that betraying the entire Twelve Colonies of Man thing... Baltar: Well, yes, except for that. Zara: So what are you suggesting? Baltar: I could show you the ropes here. Introduce you around. Let people know you’re not someone to be trifled with. I could...be your confidante. We could...talk. And ultimately, I could give you the exclusive of a lifetime - that would make the rest forget there ever was such a person as Serina - except as someone who had to get herself killed by Cylons to get out of the way when your career took off like the shooting star it was meant to be... Zara: (Beginning to smile.) Count Baltar, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’e sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (S I had to face my own half-brother trying to kill me. Nothing ever came easy to me. Zara: I know exactly what you mean... Baltar: It sounds...like we’re a lot alike, Zara... Zara: Well, other than that betraying the entire Twelve Colonies of Man thing... Baltar: Well, yes, except for that. Zara: So what are you suggesting? Baltar: I could show you the ropes here. Introduce you around. Let people know you’re not someone to be trifled with. I could...be your confidante. We could...talk. And ultimately, I could give you the exclusive of a lifetime - that would make the rest forget there ever was such a person as Serina - except as someone who had to get herself killed by Cylons to get out of the way when your career took off like the shooting star it was meant to be... Zara: (Beginning to smile.) Count Baltar, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’paced because they dared to let themselves be captured by an inferior enemy, and the Nomen got spaced for being enemies. Zara: (Staring at her cup.) Oh, no, I don’t think I can take this... Baltar: (Masquerading as Convict Server #5, the table director.) Hello, Zara. Zara: Baltar. I won’t say hello, because that would be greeting you, which would be acknowledging your existence, and after what you did, you don’t deserve to have your existence acknowledged. Baltar: You don’t belong here, Zara. You’re too intelligent, too beautiful, too gifted. You belong at the front news desk of the premiere news network in the galaxy. Zara: (Brightening up.) Really? You think so? Baltar: You’ve never been fairly appreciated. I know the feeling. I’m actually Cain’s illegitimate half-brother - do you think I got any respect? Do you think my genius was ever noticed? No. I had to make my own way in the worlds. I had to earn my own fortune, my own respect. I was misunderstood.ll hear Boomer say, "Hey, has anybody seen Athena?" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 25 Scene: The O Club, where an assortment of warriors and other personnel are celebrating the liberation of the Galactica, the removal of Boxey, and Zara’s incarceration - they all despised her, after all, because of her rotten interviewing style, and the way she talked about Starbuck when he was charged with murder, and her sneaky way of showing up in the men’s turboshowers while trying to get exclusives -- although a lot of women in the fleet did appreciate some of her interviews for just that reason. At one table, several of them talk. Diedre: Do you remember the time she was trying to interview Apollo about Count Iblis’s rescue, and caught him changing after the triad game? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the sweat... Brie: And the time she caught Blue Squadron having a towel-flicking contest in the turboshowers? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the wet... Sorrell: And the time she snuckpaced because they dared to let themselves be captured by an inferior enemy, and the Nomen got spaced for being enemies. Zara: (Staring at her cup.) Oh, no, I don’t think I can take this... Baltar: (Masquerading as Convict Server #5, the table director.) Hello, Zara. Zara: Baltar. I won’t say hello, because that would be greeting you, which would be acknowledging your existence, and after what you did, you don’t deserve to have your existence acknowledged. Baltar: You don’t belong here, Zara. You’re too intelligent, too beautiful, too gifted. You belong at the front news desk of the premiere news network in the galaxy. Zara: (Brightening up.) Really? You think so? Baltar: You’ve never been fairly appreciated. I know the feeling. I’m actually Cain’s illegitimate half-brother - do you think I got any respect? Do you think my genius was ever noticed? No. I had to make my own way in the worlds. I had to earn my own fortune, my own respect. I was misunderstood.ll hear Boomer say, "Hey, has anybody seen Athena?" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 25 Scene: The O Club, where an assortment of warriors and other personnel are celebrating the liberation of the Galactica, the removal of Boxey, and Zara’s incarceration - they all despised her, after all, because of her rotten interviewing style, and the way she talked about Starbuck when he was charged with murder, and her sneaky way of showing up in the men’s turboshowers while trying to get exclusives -- although a lot of women in the fleet did appreciate some of her interviews for just that reason. At one table, several of them talk. Diedre: Do you remember the time she was trying to interview Apollo about Count Iblis’s rescue, and caught him changing after the triad game? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the sweat... Brie: And the time she caught Blue Squadron having a towel-flicking contest in the turboshowers? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the wet... Sorrell: And the time she snuckighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were ll hear Boomer say, "Hey, has anybody seen Athena?" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 25 Scene: The O Club, where an assortment of warriors and other personnel are celebrating the liberation of the Galactica, the removal of Boxey, and Zara’s incarceration - they all despised her, after all, because of her rotten interviewing style, and the way she talked about Starbuck when he was charged with murder, and her sneaky way of showing up in the men’s turboshowers while trying to get exclusives -- although a lot of women in the fleet did appreciate some of her interviews for just that reason. At one table, several of them talk. Diedre: Do you remember the time she was trying to interview Apollo about Count Iblis’s rescue, and caught him changing after the triad game? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the sweat... Brie: And the time she caught Blue Squadron having a towel-flicking contest in the turboshowers? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the wet... Sorrell: And the time she snuck I had to face my own half-brother trying to kill me. Nothing ever came easy to me. Zara: I know exactly what you mean... Baltar: It sounds...like we’re a lot alike, Zara... Zara: Well, other than that betraying the entire Twelve Colonies of Man thing... Baltar: Well, yes, except for that. Zara: So what are you suggesting? Baltar: I could show you the ropes here. Introduce you around. Let people know you’re not someone to be trifled with. I could...be your confidante. We could...talk. And ultimately, I could give you the exclusive of a lifetime - that would make the rest forget there ever was such a person as Serina - except as someone who had to get herself killed by Cylons to get out of the way when your career took off like the shooting star it was meant to be... Zara: (Beginning to smile.) Count Baltar, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ into the uniform chamber on the laundry ship, and broadcast the new young male pilot being fitted for a g-suit? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the cadet... Gemi: And the time she caught Starbuck and Cassie up in the observation dome? Female Pilot chorus: Ooooohhhh! Marabella: What I learned then, saved my marriage... Female Pilot chorus: Aaahhhh! The men are clustered at another table. Apollo: (Raising a toast.) To another danger met - and overcome! The children are gone! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Giles: And we didn’t have to give up our mushies! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Bojay: Now, if we only had some mushies... Male Pilot chorus: Sigh... Apollo: Don’t worry, Commander Adama will figure out what happened to Belloby’s shipment of mushies. Greenbean: But when? How long are we supposed to continue to maintain our morale, uphold our high moral standard, and defend life, liberty, and the Colonial way, when we have no mushies? Apollo: We know they’re som I had to face my own half-brother trying to kill me. Nothing ever came easy to me. Zara: I know exactly what you mean... Baltar: It sounds...like we’re a lot alike, Zara... Zara: Well, other than that betraying the entire Twelve Colonies of Man thing... Baltar: Well, yes, except for that. Zara: So what are you suggesting? Baltar: I could show you the ropes here. Introduce you around. Let people know you’re not someone to be trifled with. I could...be your confidante. We could...talk. And ultimately, I could give you the exclusive of a lifetime - that would make the rest forget there ever was such a person as Serina - except as someone who had to get herself killed by Cylons to get out of the way when your career took off like the shooting star it was meant to be... Zara: (Beginning to smile.) Count Baltar, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ into the uniform chamber on the laundry ship, and broadcast the new young male pilot being fitted for a g-suit? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the cadet... Gemi: And the time she caught Starbuck and Cassie up in the observation dome? Female Pilot chorus: Ooooohhhh! Marabella: What I learned then, saved my marriage... Female Pilot chorus: Aaahhhh! The men are clustered at another table. Apollo: (Raising a toast.) To another danger met - and overcome! The children are gone! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Giles: And we didn’t have to give up our mushies! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Bojay: Now, if we only had some mushies... Male Pilot chorus: Sigh... Apollo: Don’t worry, Commander Adama will figure out what happened to Belloby’s shipment of mushies. Greenbean: But when? How long are we supposed to continue to maintain our morale, uphold our high moral standard, and defend life, liberty, and the Colonial way, when we have no mushies? Apollo: We know they’re somover on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman j into the uniform chamber on the laundry ship, and broadcast the new young male pilot being fitted for a g-suit? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the cadet... Gemi: And the time she caught Starbuck and Cassie up in the observation dome? Female Pilot chorus: Ooooohhhh! Marabella: What I learned then, saved my marriage... Female Pilot chorus: Aaahhhh! The men are clustered at another table. Apollo: (Raising a toast.) To another danger met - and overcome! The children are gone! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Giles: And we didn’t have to give up our mushies! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Bojay: Now, if we only had some mushies... Male Pilot chorus: Sigh... Apollo: Don’t worry, Commander Adama will figure out what happened to Belloby’s shipment of mushies. Greenbean: But when? How long are we supposed to continue to maintain our morale, uphold our high moral standard, and defend life, liberty, and the Colonial way, when we have no mushies? Apollo: We know they’re somll hear Boomer say, "Hey, has anybody seen Athena?" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 25 Scene: The O Club, where an assortment of warriors and other personnel are celebrating the liberation of the Galactica, the removal of Boxey, and Zara’s incarceration - they all despised her, after all, because of her rotten interviewing style, and the way she talked about Starbuck when he was charged with murder, and her sneaky way of showing up in the men’s turboshowers while trying to get exclusives -- although a lot of women in the fleet did appreciate some of her interviews for just that reason. At one table, several of them talk. Diedre: Do you remember the time she was trying to interview Apollo about Count Iblis’s rescue, and caught him changing after the triad game? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the sweat... Brie: And the time she caught Blue Squadron having a towel-flicking contest in the turboshowers? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the wet... Sorrell: And the time she snuckewhere on this battlestar - there’s nowhere else they could have been taken, since they were still on the shuttle when it landed here, and the mushies vanished somewhere between Siress Belloby getting off, and Reese going aboard. What other possibility is there? Greenbean: I suppose... Apollo: Boomer, you don’t look like you’re celebrating. Boomer: (Looking around, distracted, from his untouched ale.) Hey, has anybody seen Athena? The men look over at the women’s table. Bojay: No, I don’t see her. Maybe she’s on duty? Boomer: No, I checked the bridge....she left her duty station before Belloby arrived. I checked her quarters too; her roommate said she hadn’t been there. Apollo: She’ll show up. She always does. Boomer: Aren’t you just a little bit concerned, Apollo? After all, she is your sister... Apollo: (Winking.) Well, Starbuck’s not here either... (At Boomer’s glare, he quickly cuts off the comment.) Oh, that’s right... You and she... Uh, yeah. I sull hear Boomer say, "Hey, has anybody seen Athena?" Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 25 Scene: The O Club, where an assortment of warriors and other personnel are celebrating the liberation of the Galactica, the removal of Boxey, and Zara’s incarceration - they all despised her, after all, because of her rotten interviewing style, and the way she talked about Starbuck when he was charged with murder, and her sneaky way of showing up in the men’s turboshowers while trying to get exclusives -- although a lot of women in the fleet did appreciate some of her interviews for just that reason. At one table, several of them talk. Diedre: Do you remember the time she was trying to interview Apollo about Count Iblis’s rescue, and caught him changing after the triad game? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the sweat... Brie: And the time she caught Blue Squadron having a towel-flicking contest in the turboshowers? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the wet... Sorrell: And the time she snuckewhere on this battlestar - there’s nowhere else they could have been taken, since they were still on the shuttle when it landed here, and the mushies vanished somewhere between Siress Belloby getting off, and Reese going aboard. What other possibility is there? Greenbean: I suppose... Apollo: Boomer, you don’t look like you’re celebrating. Boomer: (Looking around, distracted, from his untouched ale.) Hey, has anybody seen Athena? The men look over at the women’s table. Bojay: No, I don’t see her. Maybe she’s on duty? Boomer: No, I checked the bridge....she left her duty station before Belloby arrived. I checked her quarters too; her roommate said she hadn’t been there. Apollo: She’ll show up. She always does. Boomer: Aren’t you just a little bit concerned, Apollo? After all, she is your sister... Apollo: (Winking.) Well, Starbuck’s not here either... (At Boomer’s glare, he quickly cuts off the comment.) Oh, that’s right... You and she... Uh, yeah. I suumps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of miewhere on this battlestar - there’s nowhere else they could have been taken, since they were still on the shuttle when it landed here, and the mushies vanished somewhere between Siress Belloby getting off, and Reese going aboard. What other possibility is there? Greenbean: I suppose... Apollo: Boomer, you don’t look like you’re celebrating. Boomer: (Looking around, distracted, from his untouched ale.) Hey, has anybody seen Athena? The men look over at the women’s table. Bojay: No, I don’t see her. Maybe she’s on duty? Boomer: No, I checked the bridge....she left her duty station before Belloby arrived. I checked her quarters too; her roommate said she hadn’t been there. Apollo: She’ll show up. She always does. Boomer: Aren’t you just a little bit concerned, Apollo? After all, she is your sister... Apollo: (Winking.) Well, Starbuck’s not here either... (At Boomer’s glare, he quickly cuts off the comment.) Oh, that’s right... You and she... Uh, yeah. I su into the uniform chamber on the laundry ship, and broadcast the new young male pilot being fitted for a g-suit? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the cadet... Gemi: And the time she caught Starbuck and Cassie up in the observation dome? Female Pilot chorus: Ooooohhhh! Marabella: What I learned then, saved my marriage... Female Pilot chorus: Aaahhhh! The men are clustered at another table. Apollo: (Raising a toast.) To another danger met - and overcome! The children are gone! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Giles: And we didn’t have to give up our mushies! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Bojay: Now, if we only had some mushies... Male Pilot chorus: Sigh... Apollo: Don’t worry, Commander Adama will figure out what happened to Belloby’s shipment of mushies. Greenbean: But when? How long are we supposed to continue to maintain our morale, uphold our high moral standard, and defend life, liberty, and the Colonial way, when we have no mushies? Apollo: We know they’re som into the uniform chamber on the laundry ship, and broadcast the new young male pilot being fitted for a g-suit? Female Pilot chorus: Sigh...the cadet... Gemi: And the time she caught Starbuck and Cassie up in the observation dome? Female Pilot chorus: Ooooohhhh! Marabella: What I learned then, saved my marriage... Female Pilot chorus: Aaahhhh! The men are clustered at another table. Apollo: (Raising a toast.) To another danger met - and overcome! The children are gone! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Giles: And we didn’t have to give up our mushies! Male Pilot chorus: Hurray! Bojay: Now, if we only had some mushies... Male Pilot chorus: Sigh... Apollo: Don’t worry, Commander Adama will figure out what happened to Belloby’s shipment of mushies. Greenbean: But when? How long are we supposed to continue to maintain our morale, uphold our high moral standard, and defend life, liberty, and the Colonial way, when we have no mushies? Apollo: We know they’re somppose I could be concerned...I could try really hard... All are distracted by a raucous call from the door - the arrival of Belloby and Omega. Belloby: Hi, boys and girls! Bartender, fill those mugs, set out more pretzels, turn up the karaoke machine - this is a party, and I’m buying! With cheers and whistles and another round of ambrosa, all concerns and fears are forgotten - except for deciding who gets to be the first to belt out "Feelings" and "YMCA" (*Young Macho Cobolian Association -- alternate spelling). Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Rigel say, "Colonel, we’ve got a problem." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 26 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Ahh, I love these evening centars when Adama’s off recording his journal and spending time with his grandson. Bridge Crewman #1: But the grandson’s gone now, thank the Lords. Tigh: True, but he’s still recording his journal. And he has to avoid Sirppose I could be concerned...I could try really hard... All are distracted by a raucous call from the door - the arrival of Belloby and Omega. Belloby: Hi, boys and girls! Bartender, fill those mugs, set out more pretzels, turn up the karaoke machine - this is a party, and I’m buying! With cheers and whistles and another round of ambrosa, all concerns and fears are forgotten - except for deciding who gets to be the first to belt out "Feelings" and "YMCA" (*Young Macho Cobolian Association -- alternate spelling). Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Rigel say, "Colonel, we’ve got a problem." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 26 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Ahh, I love these evening centars when Adama’s off recording his journal and spending time with his grandson. Bridge Crewman #1: But the grandson’s gone now, thank the Lords. Tigh: True, but he’s still recording his journal. And he has to avoid Sirne. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’ppose I could be concerned...I could try really hard... All are distracted by a raucous call from the door - the arrival of Belloby and Omega. Belloby: Hi, boys and girls! Bartender, fill those mugs, set out more pretzels, turn up the karaoke machine - this is a party, and I’m buying! With cheers and whistles and another round of ambrosa, all concerns and fears are forgotten - except for deciding who gets to be the first to belt out "Feelings" and "YMCA" (*Young Macho Cobolian Association -- alternate spelling). Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Rigel say, "Colonel, we’ve got a problem." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 26 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Ahh, I love these evening centars when Adama’s off recording his journal and spending time with his grandson. Bridge Crewman #1: But the grandson’s gone now, thank the Lords. Tigh: True, but he’s still recording his journal. And he has to avoid Sirewhere on this battlestar - there’s nowhere else they could have been taken, since they were still on the shuttle when it landed here, and the mushies vanished somewhere between Siress Belloby getting off, and Reese going aboard. What other possibility is there? Greenbean: I suppose... Apollo: Boomer, you don’t look like you’re celebrating. Boomer: (Looking around, distracted, from his untouched ale.) Hey, has anybody seen Athena? The men look over at the women’s table. Bojay: No, I don’t see her. Maybe she’s on duty? Boomer: No, I checked the bridge....she left her duty station before Belloby arrived. I checked her quarters too; her roommate said she hadn’t been there. Apollo: She’ll show up. She always does. Boomer: Aren’t you just a little bit concerned, Apollo? After all, she is your sister... Apollo: (Winking.) Well, Starbuck’s not here either... (At Boomer’s glare, he quickly cuts off the comment.) Oh, that’s right... You and she... Uh, yeah. I suewhere on this battlestar - there’s nowhere else they could have been taken, since they were still on the shuttle when it landed here, and the mushies vanished somewhere between Siress Belloby getting off, and Reese going aboard. What other possibility is there? Greenbean: I suppose... Apollo: Boomer, you don’t look like you’re celebrating. Boomer: (Looking around, distracted, from his untouched ale.) Hey, has anybody seen Athena? The men look over at the women’s table. Bojay: No, I don’t see her. Maybe she’s on duty? Boomer: No, I checked the bridge....she left her duty station before Belloby arrived. I checked her quarters too; her roommate said she hadn’t been there. Apollo: She’ll show up. She always does. Boomer: Aren’t you just a little bit concerned, Apollo? After all, she is your sister... Apollo: (Winking.) Well, Starbuck’s not here either... (At Boomer’s glare, he quickly cuts off the comment.) Oh, that’s right... You and she... Uh, yeah. I suess Belloby, which I think will keep him in his quarters, with the door locked, not answering his page. Hmm, I wonder if she’s ever going to let us have Omega back. He’ll be a hard man to replace. Bridge Crewman #1: That’s what she says, too, from what I hear. Tigh: Oh, well, consider the alternative. She’d be back on the prowl. All male bridge crew members shudder involuntarily and look like they’re ready to duck under their consoles. Rigel enters the bridge and steps close to Tigh, looking disturbed. Rigel: Colonel, we’ve got a problem. A serious problem. Tigh: Is it a Cylon attack? Rigel: No. Tigh: Has our mushie supply been cut off? Rigel: No. Tigh: (Involuntarily shuddering.) Are Jolly and Cassie bringing back the kids? Rigel: No. Tigh: What is it? Rigel: Athena’s missing. Tigh: (Glancing toward closet.) We know that. We made her that way. Rigel: No, I mean, she’s missing. After Boomer called, looking for her, I went to check the closet. Shess Belloby, which I think will keep him in his quarters, with the door locked, not answering his page. Hmm, I wonder if she’s ever going to let us have Omega back. He’ll be a hard man to replace. Bridge Crewman #1: That’s what she says, too, from what I hear. Tigh: Oh, well, consider the alternative. She’d be back on the prowl. All male bridge crew members shudder involuntarily and look like they’re ready to duck under their consoles. Rigel enters the bridge and steps close to Tigh, looking disturbed. Rigel: Colonel, we’ve got a problem. A serious problem. Tigh: Is it a Cylon attack? Rigel: No. Tigh: Has our mushie supply been cut off? Rigel: No. Tigh: (Involuntarily shuddering.) Are Jolly and Cassie bringing back the kids? Rigel: No. Tigh: What is it? Rigel: Athena’s missing. Tigh: (Glancing toward closet.) We know that. We made her that way. Rigel: No, I mean, she’s missing. After Boomer called, looking for her, I went to check the closet. Shs a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a compess Belloby, which I think will keep him in his quarters, with the door locked, not answering his page. Hmm, I wonder if she’s ever going to let us have Omega back. He’ll be a hard man to replace. Bridge Crewman #1: That’s what she says, too, from what I hear. Tigh: Oh, well, consider the alternative. She’d be back on the prowl. All male bridge crew members shudder involuntarily and look like they’re ready to duck under their consoles. Rigel enters the bridge and steps close to Tigh, looking disturbed. Rigel: Colonel, we’ve got a problem. A serious problem. Tigh: Is it a Cylon attack? Rigel: No. Tigh: Has our mushie supply been cut off? Rigel: No. Tigh: (Involuntarily shuddering.) Are Jolly and Cassie bringing back the kids? Rigel: No. Tigh: What is it? Rigel: Athena’s missing. Tigh: (Glancing toward closet.) We know that. We made her that way. Rigel: No, I mean, she’s missing. After Boomer called, looking for her, I went to check the closet. Shppose I could be concerned...I could try really hard... All are distracted by a raucous call from the door - the arrival of Belloby and Omega. Belloby: Hi, boys and girls! Bartender, fill those mugs, set out more pretzels, turn up the karaoke machine - this is a party, and I’m buying! With cheers and whistles and another round of ambrosa, all concerns and fears are forgotten - except for deciding who gets to be the first to belt out "Feelings" and "YMCA" (*Young Macho Cobolian Association -- alternate spelling). Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Rigel say, "Colonel, we’ve got a problem." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 26 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Ahh, I love these evening centars when Adama’s off recording his journal and spending time with his grandson. Bridge Crewman #1: But the grandson’s gone now, thank the Lords. Tigh: True, but he’s still recording his journal. And he has to avoid Sirlete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still tppose I could be concerned...I could try really hard... All are distracted by a raucous call from the door - the arrival of Belloby and Omega. Belloby: Hi, boys and girls! Bartender, fill those mugs, set out more pretzels, turn up the karaoke machine - this is a party, and I’m buying! With cheers and whistles and another round of ambrosa, all concerns and fears are forgotten - except for deciding who gets to be the first to belt out "Feelings" and "YMCA" (*Young Macho Cobolian Association -- alternate spelling). Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Rigel say, "Colonel, we’ve got a problem." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 26 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Ahh, I love these evening centars when Adama’s off recording his journal and spending time with his grandson. Bridge Crewman #1: But the grandson’s gone now, thank the Lords. Tigh: True, but he’s still recording his journal. And he has to avoid Sire isn’t there. Tigh: Do you think she escaped? Rigel: I don’t know how. The bridge crew are pretty experienced maypole ribbon twiners, after all - Jolly and Cassie’s kids learned from them. Tigh: So someone must have helped her... Rigel: Wouldn’t we have seen if someone had come out of the closet? Tigh: True. That only leaves the sanitation crew... Rigel: If they release her, and she gets to the Commander... Tigh: Concealing mushies, Kobolian mummy twining, locking her in the closet... We’ll all be in trouble...but only if he believes her! Rigel: She’s his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Tigh: (Leaning on the railing, thinking fast.) If she’d been freed, she’d already be here, with security. She must have been kidnaped. Rigel: (Gasping.) What’ll we do? Tigh: (Glancing around.) We’ve got to find her. Before anyone else does. Rigel: But...but...if she’s gone, we don’t have to worry, do we? Tigh: I watched that young woman grow up. She’s my best friend’s daughtere isn’t there. Tigh: Do you think she escaped? Rigel: I don’t know how. The bridge crew are pretty experienced maypole ribbon twiners, after all - Jolly and Cassie’s kids learned from them. Tigh: So someone must have helped her... Rigel: Wouldn’t we have seen if someone had come out of the closet? Tigh: True. That only leaves the sanitation crew... Rigel: If they release her, and she gets to the Commander... Tigh: Concealing mushies, Kobolian mummy twining, locking her in the closet... We’ll all be in trouble...but only if he believes her! Rigel: She’s his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Tigh: (Leaning on the railing, thinking fast.) If she’d been freed, she’d already be here, with security. She must have been kidnaped. Rigel: (Gasping.) What’ll we do? Tigh: (Glancing around.) We’ve got to find her. Before anyone else does. Rigel: But...but...if she’s gone, we don’t have to worry, do we? Tigh: I watched that young woman grow up. She’s my best friend’s daughtere isn’t there. Tigh: Do you think she escaped? Rigel: I don’t know how. The bridge crew are pretty experienced maypole ribbon twiners, after all - Jolly and Cassie’s kids learned from them. Tigh: So someone must have helped her... Rigel: Wouldn’t we have seen if someone had come out of the closet? Tigh: True. That only leaves the sanitation crew... Rigel: If they release her, and she gets to the Commander... Tigh: Concealing mushies, Kobolian mummy twining, locking her in the closet... We’ll all be in trouble...but only if he believes her! Rigel: She’s his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Tigh: (Leaning on the railing, thinking fast.) If she’d been freed, she’d already be here, with security. She must have been kidnaped. Rigel: (Gasping.) What’ll we do? Tigh: (Glancing around.) We’ve got to find her. Before anyone else does. Rigel: But...but...if she’s gone, we don’t have to worry, do we? Tigh: I watched that young woman grow up. She’s my best friend’s daughteress Belloby, which I think will keep him in his quarters, with the door locked, not answering his page. Hmm, I wonder if she’s ever going to let us have Omega back. He’ll be a hard man to replace. Bridge Crewman #1: That’s what she says, too, from what I hear. Tigh: Oh, well, consider the alternative. She’d be back on the prowl. All male bridge crew members shudder involuntarily and look like they’re ready to duck under their consoles. Rigel enters the bridge and steps close to Tigh, looking disturbed. Rigel: Colonel, we’ve got a problem. A serious problem. Tigh: Is it a Cylon attack? Rigel: No. Tigh: Has our mushie supply been cut off? Rigel: No. Tigh: (Involuntarily shuddering.) Are Jolly and Cassie bringing back the kids? Rigel: No. Tigh: What is it? Rigel: Athena’s missing. Tigh: (Glancing toward closet.) We know that. We made her that way. Rigel: No, I mean, she’s missing. After Boomer called, looking for her, I went to check the closet. Shrue. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-efess Belloby, which I think will keep him in his quarters, with the door locked, not answering his page. Hmm, I wonder if she’s ever going to let us have Omega back. He’ll be a hard man to replace. Bridge Crewman #1: That’s what she says, too, from what I hear. Tigh: Oh, well, consider the alternative. She’d be back on the prowl. All male bridge crew members shudder involuntarily and look like they’re ready to duck under their consoles. Rigel enters the bridge and steps close to Tigh, looking disturbed. Rigel: Colonel, we’ve got a problem. A serious problem. Tigh: Is it a Cylon attack? Rigel: No. Tigh: Has our mushie supply been cut off? Rigel: No. Tigh: (Involuntarily shuddering.) Are Jolly and Cassie bringing back the kids? Rigel: No. Tigh: What is it? Rigel: Athena’s missing. Tigh: (Glancing toward closet.) We know that. We made her that way. Rigel: No, I mean, she’s missing. After Boomer called, looking for her, I went to check the closet. Sh. What’s that beside a few smuggled mushies? Rigel: Speak for yourself, Colonel! Tigh: (As if she hadn’t spoken) And we’ve got to have somebody we can trust. Rigel, get me...Croft. Rigel: He’s now in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: True. He knows every scumbag, black market privateer, and property fence there is - which means he knows every connection in the fleet. If anybody can find Athena, he can. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena say, "But I don’t know how to fox trot." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 27 Scene: The Rising Star, in the most exclusive and luxurious salons of Uri’s gambling chancery, dance hall, and shopping mall, where Sire Uri is lolling comfortably on his Roman-style couch, enjoying treats from a tray of mushies and a chalice of the finest ambrosa - the real stuff, pre-Destruction, not the 2-centar-old stuff they’re palming off in the O Club. Two of his muscle-bound oafs ente. What’s that beside a few smuggled mushies? Rigel: Speak for yourself, Colonel! Tigh: (As if she hadn’t spoken) And we’ve got to have somebody we can trust. Rigel, get me...Croft. Rigel: He’s now in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: True. He knows every scumbag, black market privateer, and property fence there is - which means he knows every connection in the fleet. If anybody can find Athena, he can. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena say, "But I don’t know how to fox trot." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 27 Scene: The Rising Star, in the most exclusive and luxurious salons of Uri’s gambling chancery, dance hall, and shopping mall, where Sire Uri is lolling comfortably on his Roman-style couch, enjoying treats from a tray of mushies and a chalice of the finest ambrosa - the real stuff, pre-Destruction, not the 2-centar-old stuff they’re palming off in the O Club. Two of his muscle-bound oafs ente. What’s that beside a few smuggled mushies? Rigel: Speak for yourself, Colonel! Tigh: (As if she hadn’t spoken) And we’ve got to have somebody we can trust. Rigel, get me...Croft. Rigel: He’s now in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: True. He knows every scumbag, black market privateer, and property fence there is - which means he knows every connection in the fleet. If anybody can find Athena, he can. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena say, "But I don’t know how to fox trot." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 27 Scene: The Rising Star, in the most exclusive and luxurious salons of Uri’s gambling chancery, dance hall, and shopping mall, where Sire Uri is lolling comfortably on his Roman-style couch, enjoying treats from a tray of mushies and a chalice of the finest ambrosa - the real stuff, pre-Destruction, not the 2-centar-old stuff they’re palming off in the O Club. Two of his muscle-bound oafs entee isn’t there. Tigh: Do you think she escaped? Rigel: I don’t know how. The bridge crew are pretty experienced maypole ribbon twiners, after all - Jolly and Cassie’s kids learned from them. Tigh: So someone must have helped her... Rigel: Wouldn’t we have seen if someone had come out of the closet? Tigh: True. That only leaves the sanitation crew... Rigel: If they release her, and she gets to the Commander... Tigh: Concealing mushies, Kobolian mummy twining, locking her in the closet... We’ll all be in trouble...but only if he believes her! Rigel: She’s his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Tigh: (Leaning on the railing, thinking fast.) If she’d been freed, she’d already be here, with security. She must have been kidnaped. Rigel: (Gasping.) What’ll we do? Tigh: (Glancing around.) We’ve got to find her. Before anyone else does. Rigel: But...but...if she’s gone, we don’t have to worry, do we? Tigh: I watched that young woman grow up. She’s my best friend’s daughter-hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you thie isn’t there. Tigh: Do you think she escaped? Rigel: I don’t know how. The bridge crew are pretty experienced maypole ribbon twiners, after all - Jolly and Cassie’s kids learned from them. Tigh: So someone must have helped her... Rigel: Wouldn’t we have seen if someone had come out of the closet? Tigh: True. That only leaves the sanitation crew... Rigel: If they release her, and she gets to the Commander... Tigh: Concealing mushies, Kobolian mummy twining, locking her in the closet... We’ll all be in trouble...but only if he believes her! Rigel: She’s his daughter. Why wouldn’t he? Tigh: (Leaning on the railing, thinking fast.) If she’d been freed, she’d already be here, with security. She must have been kidnaped. Rigel: (Gasping.) What’ll we do? Tigh: (Glancing around.) We’ve got to find her. Before anyone else does. Rigel: But...but...if she’s gone, we don’t have to worry, do we? Tigh: I watched that young woman grow up. She’s my best friend’s daughterr, carrying a large, rolled up carpet. Uri: (Disinterested.) And what have we here that has you interrupting my afternoon rest? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: A special treat from the Galactica, Sire. Uri: (Interested.) Oh? The two turn and set down the carpet, and then unroll it. Unrolled at Uri’s feet, is Athena, still wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, mumbling and wriggling and kicking her feet. Uri: Why, that’s Commander Adama’s daughter! Where did you get her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: From the Galactica, Sire, like we told you. Uri: (With exaggerated slowness.) But how did you get her from the Galactica? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: One of our usual contacts in the sanitation crew found her. Uri: And how did he find her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: He said he opened the door and there she was. Uri: Huh? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Yeah. That’s what I said. Uri: (Sighing deeply, and speaking even more slowly.) What door? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Oh! The closet door. Uri: (Giving up on r, carrying a large, rolled up carpet. Uri: (Disinterested.) And what have we here that has you interrupting my afternoon rest? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: A special treat from the Galactica, Sire. Uri: (Interested.) Oh? The two turn and set down the carpet, and then unroll it. Unrolled at Uri’s feet, is Athena, still wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, mumbling and wriggling and kicking her feet. Uri: Why, that’s Commander Adama’s daughter! Where did you get her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: From the Galactica, Sire, like we told you. Uri: (With exaggerated slowness.) But how did you get her from the Galactica? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: One of our usual contacts in the sanitation crew found her. Uri: And how did he find her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: He said he opened the door and there she was. Uri: Huh? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Yeah. That’s what I said. Uri: (Sighing deeply, and speaking even more slowly.) What door? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Oh! The closet door. Uri: (Giving up on r, carrying a large, rolled up carpet. Uri: (Disinterested.) And what have we here that has you interrupting my afternoon rest? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: A special treat from the Galactica, Sire. Uri: (Interested.) Oh? The two turn and set down the carpet, and then unroll it. Unrolled at Uri’s feet, is Athena, still wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, mumbling and wriggling and kicking her feet. Uri: Why, that’s Commander Adama’s daughter! Where did you get her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: From the Galactica, Sire, like we told you. Uri: (With exaggerated slowness.) But how did you get her from the Galactica? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: One of our usual contacts in the sanitation crew found her. Uri: And how did he find her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: He said he opened the door and there she was. Uri: Huh? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Yeah. That’s what I said. Uri: (Sighing deeply, and speaking even more slowly.) What door? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Oh! The closet door. Uri: (Giving up on . What’s that beside a few smuggled mushies? Rigel: Speak for yourself, Colonel! Tigh: (As if she hadn’t spoken) And we’ve got to have somebody we can trust. Rigel, get me...Croft. Rigel: He’s now in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: True. He knows every scumbag, black market privateer, and property fence there is - which means he knows every connection in the fleet. If anybody can find Athena, he can. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena say, "But I don’t know how to fox trot." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 27 Scene: The Rising Star, in the most exclusive and luxurious salons of Uri’s gambling chancery, dance hall, and shopping mall, where Sire Uri is lolling comfortably on his Roman-style couch, enjoying treats from a tray of mushies and a chalice of the finest ambrosa - the real stuff, pre-Destruction, not the 2-centar-old stuff they’re palming off in the O Club. Two of his muscle-bound oafs entenk the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have . What’s that beside a few smuggled mushies? Rigel: Speak for yourself, Colonel! Tigh: (As if she hadn’t spoken) And we’ve got to have somebody we can trust. Rigel, get me...Croft. Rigel: He’s now in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: True. He knows every scumbag, black market privateer, and property fence there is - which means he knows every connection in the fleet. If anybody can find Athena, he can. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena say, "But I don’t know how to fox trot." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 27 Scene: The Rising Star, in the most exclusive and luxurious salons of Uri’s gambling chancery, dance hall, and shopping mall, where Sire Uri is lolling comfortably on his Roman-style couch, enjoying treats from a tray of mushies and a chalice of the finest ambrosa - the real stuff, pre-Destruction, not the 2-centar-old stuff they’re palming off in the O Club. Two of his muscle-bound oafs entegetting an answer from his muscle-bound oafs, and deciding he might as well talk to Athena.) Well, untwine her. Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Right, Sire. (The two muscle-bound oafs untwine Athena. Finally freed of the maypole ribbons, Athena jumps to her feet.) Uri: Hmm, not bad! Quick movements, that’s good. Now, let’s see this vixen do a little fox trot. Athena: I grew up in Caprica City! I don’t know how a fox trots! Uri: No, I mean dance! Can you dance, Athena? Athena: Well, of course I can dance - I attended cotillion. But what’s dancing got to do with vulpines? Uri: (Sighing heavily.) Athena, do you know why you’re here? Athena: I don’t care why I’m here. At least I’m out of the closet! Uri: The closet! You mean it’s true what they whisper about the women’s billet? You have...special friends there? Hmm, and all those stories about Starbuck and you - they weren’t true? Athena: What kind of stories? What kind of whispers? Uri: Well...the bedtime kind... getting an answer from his muscle-bound oafs, and deciding he might as well talk to Athena.) Well, untwine her. Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Right, Sire. (The two muscle-bound oafs untwine Athena. Finally freed of the maypole ribbons, Athena jumps to her feet.) Uri: Hmm, not bad! Quick movements, that’s good. Now, let’s see this vixen do a little fox trot. Athena: I grew up in Caprica City! I don’t know how a fox trots! Uri: No, I mean dance! Can you dance, Athena? Athena: Well, of course I can dance - I attended cotillion. But what’s dancing got to do with vulpines? Uri: (Sighing heavily.) Athena, do you know why you’re here? Athena: I don’t care why I’m here. At least I’m out of the closet! Uri: The closet! You mean it’s true what they whisper about the women’s billet? You have...special friends there? Hmm, and all those stories about Starbuck and you - they weren’t true? Athena: What kind of stories? What kind of whispers? Uri: Well...the bedtime kind... getting an answer from his muscle-bound oafs, and deciding he might as well talk to Athena.) Well, untwine her. Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Right, Sire. (The two muscle-bound oafs untwine Athena. Finally freed of the maypole ribbons, Athena jumps to her feet.) Uri: Hmm, not bad! Quick movements, that’s good. Now, let’s see this vixen do a little fox trot. Athena: I grew up in Caprica City! I don’t know how a fox trots! Uri: No, I mean dance! Can you dance, Athena? Athena: Well, of course I can dance - I attended cotillion. But what’s dancing got to do with vulpines? Uri: (Sighing heavily.) Athena, do you know why you’re here? Athena: I don’t care why I’m here. At least I’m out of the closet! Uri: The closet! You mean it’s true what they whisper about the women’s billet? You have...special friends there? Hmm, and all those stories about Starbuck and you - they weren’t true? Athena: What kind of stories? What kind of whispers? Uri: Well...the bedtime kind... r, carrying a large, rolled up carpet. Uri: (Disinterested.) And what have we here that has you interrupting my afternoon rest? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: A special treat from the Galactica, Sire. Uri: (Interested.) Oh? The two turn and set down the carpet, and then unroll it. Unrolled at Uri’s feet, is Athena, still wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, mumbling and wriggling and kicking her feet. Uri: Why, that’s Commander Adama’s daughter! Where did you get her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: From the Galactica, Sire, like we told you. Uri: (With exaggerated slowness.) But how did you get her from the Galactica? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: One of our usual contacts in the sanitation crew found her. Uri: And how did he find her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: He said he opened the door and there she was. Uri: Huh? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Yeah. That’s what I said. Uri: (Sighing deeply, and speaking even more slowly.) What door? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Oh! The closet door. Uri: (Giving up on to go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long,r, carrying a large, rolled up carpet. Uri: (Disinterested.) And what have we here that has you interrupting my afternoon rest? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: A special treat from the Galactica, Sire. Uri: (Interested.) Oh? The two turn and set down the carpet, and then unroll it. Unrolled at Uri’s feet, is Athena, still wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, mumbling and wriggling and kicking her feet. Uri: Why, that’s Commander Adama’s daughter! Where did you get her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: From the Galactica, Sire, like we told you. Uri: (With exaggerated slowness.) But how did you get her from the Galactica? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: One of our usual contacts in the sanitation crew found her. Uri: And how did he find her? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: He said he opened the door and there she was. Uri: Huh? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Yeah. That’s what I said. Uri: (Sighing deeply, and speaking even more slowly.) What door? Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Oh! The closet door. Uri: (Giving up on Athena: (Laughing) If you think Starbuck ever read to me, you’re crazy! Uri: (Raising eyebrows at his muscle-bound oafs.) Are all commander’s daughters this stupid? Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Proudly.) No, just naive. They’re not like us. Uri: Hmph! Good thing, too. Well, until she learns to dance, she’s not much use to me. Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Under his breath to #1.) Not much use? This babe? And he thinks we’re dumb...? Uri: Take her away! And get her something to wear besides that uniform! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, breaking in to be the first with this late-breaking news from the Galactica. It appears that Captain Apollo, Commander Adama’s only surviving child, is missing. More details as they become available after this dramatic episode of IFB’s longest Athena: (Laughing) If you think Starbuck ever read to me, you’re crazy! Uri: (Raising eyebrows at his muscle-bound oafs.) Are all commander’s daughters this stupid? Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Proudly.) No, just naive. They’re not like us. Uri: Hmph! Good thing, too. Well, until she learns to dance, she’s not much use to me. Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Under his breath to #1.) Not much use? This babe? And he thinks we’re dumb...? Uri: Take her away! And get her something to wear besides that uniform! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, breaking in to be the first with this late-breaking news from the Galactica. It appears that Captain Apollo, Commander Adama’s only surviving child, is missing. More details as they become available after this dramatic episode of IFB’s longest Athena: (Laughing) If you think Starbuck ever read to me, you’re crazy! Uri: (Raising eyebrows at his muscle-bound oafs.) Are all commander’s daughters this stupid? Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Proudly.) No, just naive. They’re not like us. Uri: Hmph! Good thing, too. Well, until she learns to dance, she’s not much use to me. Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Under his breath to #1.) Not much use? This babe? And he thinks we’re dumb...? Uri: Take her away! And get her something to wear besides that uniform! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, breaking in to be the first with this late-breaking news from the Galactica. It appears that Captain Apollo, Commander Adama’s only surviving child, is missing. More details as they become available after this dramatic episode of IFB’s longestgetting an answer from his muscle-bound oafs, and deciding he might as well talk to Athena.) Well, untwine her. Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Right, Sire. (The two muscle-bound oafs untwine Athena. Finally freed of the maypole ribbons, Athena jumps to her feet.) Uri: Hmm, not bad! Quick movements, that’s good. Now, let’s see this vixen do a little fox trot. Athena: I grew up in Caprica City! I don’t know how a fox trots! Uri: No, I mean dance! Can you dance, Athena? Athena: Well, of course I can dance - I attended cotillion. But what’s dancing got to do with vulpines? Uri: (Sighing heavily.) Athena, do you know why you’re here? Athena: I don’t care why I’m here. At least I’m out of the closet! Uri: The closet! You mean it’s true what they whisper about the women’s billet? You have...special friends there? Hmm, and all those stories about Starbuck and you - they weren’t true? Athena: What kind of stories? What kind of whispers? Uri: Well...the bedtime kind... we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my sealegetting an answer from his muscle-bound oafs, and deciding he might as well talk to Athena.) Well, untwine her. Muscle-bound Oaf #1: Right, Sire. (The two muscle-bound oafs untwine Athena. Finally freed of the maypole ribbons, Athena jumps to her feet.) Uri: Hmm, not bad! Quick movements, that’s good. Now, let’s see this vixen do a little fox trot. Athena: I grew up in Caprica City! I don’t know how a fox trots! Uri: No, I mean dance! Can you dance, Athena? Athena: Well, of course I can dance - I attended cotillion. But what’s dancing got to do with vulpines? Uri: (Sighing heavily.) Athena, do you know why you’re here? Athena: I don’t care why I’m here. At least I’m out of the closet! Uri: The closet! You mean it’s true what they whisper about the women’s billet? You have...special friends there? Hmm, and all those stories about Starbuck and you - they weren’t true? Athena: What kind of stories? What kind of whispers? Uri: Well...the bedtime kind... ongoing serial, now at the memorable four-secton mark! Oh, wait, Apollo’s not missing? He’s not Adama’s only surviving child? It’s not Apollo? Then who’s missing? Is anybody missing? Will someone please get the facts straight before they show up on the videoprompter?!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 28 Scene: The Galactica landing bay - not the torched one, the other one - where a very cynical but at least not scruffy-looking Croft has just disembarked from a shuttle. Apollo and Boomer enter the bay and quickly join him. Apollo: Croft, what are you doing here. Croft: Colonel Tigh summoned me. And when Colonel Tigh speaks, people listen. Apollo: They do? Oh, uh, yeah, they do, he’s a colonel, of course... So what does he want? Croft: Beats me. I haven’t talked to him yet. What are you doing here? Apollo and Boomer exchange glances. Boomer: We’re searching for Athena. Croft: (To Apollo.) Your sister? Apollo: Yeah. Croft: Why? Apollo: Becaus ongoing serial, now at the memorable four-secton mark! Oh, wait, Apollo’s not missing? He’s not Adama’s only surviving child? It’s not Apollo? Then who’s missing? Is anybody missing? Will someone please get the facts straight before they show up on the videoprompter?!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 28 Scene: The Galactica landing bay - not the torched one, the other one - where a very cynical but at least not scruffy-looking Croft has just disembarked from a shuttle. Apollo and Boomer enter the bay and quickly join him. Apollo: Croft, what are you doing here. Croft: Colonel Tigh summoned me. And when Colonel Tigh speaks, people listen. Apollo: They do? Oh, uh, yeah, they do, he’s a colonel, of course... So what does he want? Croft: Beats me. I haven’t talked to him yet. What are you doing here? Apollo and Boomer exchange glances. Boomer: We’re searching for Athena. Croft: (To Apollo.) Your sister? Apollo: Yeah. Croft: Why? Apollo: Becaus ongoing serial, now at the memorable four-secton mark! Oh, wait, Apollo’s not missing? He’s not Adama’s only surviving child? It’s not Apollo? Then who’s missing? Is anybody missing? Will someone please get the facts straight before they show up on the videoprompter?!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 28 Scene: The Galactica landing bay - not the torched one, the other one - where a very cynical but at least not scruffy-looking Croft has just disembarked from a shuttle. Apollo and Boomer enter the bay and quickly join him. Apollo: Croft, what are you doing here. Croft: Colonel Tigh summoned me. And when Colonel Tigh speaks, people listen. Apollo: They do? Oh, uh, yeah, they do, he’s a colonel, of course... So what does he want? Croft: Beats me. I haven’t talked to him yet. What are you doing here? Apollo and Boomer exchange glances. Boomer: We’re searching for Athena. Croft: (To Apollo.) Your sister? Apollo: Yeah. Croft: Why? Apollo: Becaus Athena: (Laughing) If you think Starbuck ever read to me, you’re crazy! Uri: (Raising eyebrows at his muscle-bound oafs.) Are all commander’s daughters this stupid? Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Proudly.) No, just naive. They’re not like us. Uri: Hmph! Good thing, too. Well, until she learns to dance, she’s not much use to me. Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Under his breath to #1.) Not much use? This babe? And he thinks we’re dumb...? Uri: Take her away! And get her something to wear besides that uniform! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, breaking in to be the first with this late-breaking news from the Galactica. It appears that Captain Apollo, Commander Adama’s only surviving child, is missing. More details as they become available after this dramatic episode of IFB’s longest Athena: (Laughing) If you think Starbuck ever read to me, you’re crazy! Uri: (Raising eyebrows at his muscle-bound oafs.) Are all commander’s daughters this stupid? Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Proudly.) No, just naive. They’re not like us. Uri: Hmph! Good thing, too. Well, until she learns to dance, she’s not much use to me. Muscle-bound Oaf #2: (Under his breath to #1.) Not much use? This babe? And he thinks we’re dumb...? Uri: Take her away! And get her something to wear besides that uniform! Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, breaking in to be the first with this late-breaking news from the Galactica. It appears that Captain Apollo, Commander Adama’s only surviving child, is missing. More details as they become available after this dramatic episode of IFB’s longestd orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on alle she’s missing. And we miss her. Croft: (With a cynical smile.) People really do that? Apollo: (Affronted.) Yes, they do. Boomer: And some of us lov...uh, really like her a lot and think we might have deep feelings for her. Croft: (Raising a disbelieving eyebrow.) Hey, I’ve met her, remember? And that was after you told me all about your childhood and your siblings in that long flight back from Arcta, Apollo - remember? Or were you too maudlin to stand yourself? Boomer: Is that question up to a vote? Apollo: (Interrupting.) No! Oh, look, there’s Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh enters the bay, and joins our intrepid heros. Okay, so he joins Apollo, Boomer, and Croft, and the intrepid heros keep going... Tigh: Croft. Croft: Tigh. So whaddaya want? Tigh: (Glancing at Apollo and Boomer.) I’m sure you’ve heard by now, that Athena’s missing. Croft: If they weren’t broadcasting it all over IFB, I’d still know about it from these two. Tigh: (Another glance at Ae she’s missing. And we miss her. Croft: (With a cynical smile.) People really do that? Apollo: (Affronted.) Yes, they do. Boomer: And some of us lov...uh, really like her a lot and think we might have deep feelings for her. Croft: (Raising a disbelieving eyebrow.) Hey, I’ve met her, remember? And that was after you told me all about your childhood and your siblings in that long flight back from Arcta, Apollo - remember? Or were you too maudlin to stand yourself? Boomer: Is that question up to a vote? Apollo: (Interrupting.) No! Oh, look, there’s Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh enters the bay, and joins our intrepid heros. Okay, so he joins Apollo, Boomer, and Croft, and the intrepid heros keep going... Tigh: Croft. Croft: Tigh. So whaddaya want? Tigh: (Glancing at Apollo and Boomer.) I’m sure you’ve heard by now, that Athena’s missing. Croft: If they weren’t broadcasting it all over IFB, I’d still know about it from these two. Tigh: (Another glance at Ae she’s missing. And we miss her. Croft: (With a cynical smile.) People really do that? Apollo: (Affronted.) Yes, they do. Boomer: And some of us lov...uh, really like her a lot and think we might have deep feelings for her. Croft: (Raising a disbelieving eyebrow.) Hey, I’ve met her, remember? And that was after you told me all about your childhood and your siblings in that long flight back from Arcta, Apollo - remember? Or were you too maudlin to stand yourself? Boomer: Is that question up to a vote? Apollo: (Interrupting.) No! Oh, look, there’s Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh enters the bay, and joins our intrepid heros. Okay, so he joins Apollo, Boomer, and Croft, and the intrepid heros keep going... Tigh: Croft. Croft: Tigh. So whaddaya want? Tigh: (Glancing at Apollo and Boomer.) I’m sure you’ve heard by now, that Athena’s missing. Croft: If they weren’t broadcasting it all over IFB, I’d still know about it from these two. Tigh: (Another glance at A ongoing serial, now at the memorable four-secton mark! Oh, wait, Apollo’s not missing? He’s not Adama’s only surviving child? It’s not Apollo? Then who’s missing? Is anybody missing? Will someone please get the facts straight before they show up on the videoprompter?!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 28 Scene: The Galactica landing bay - not the torched one, the other one - where a very cynical but at least not scruffy-looking Croft has just disembarked from a shuttle. Apollo and Boomer enter the bay and quickly join him. Apollo: Croft, what are you doing here. Croft: Colonel Tigh summoned me. And when Colonel Tigh speaks, people listen. Apollo: They do? Oh, uh, yeah, they do, he’s a colonel, of course... So what does he want? Croft: Beats me. I haven’t talked to him yet. What are you doing here? Apollo and Boomer exchange glances. Boomer: We’re searching for Athena. Croft: (To Apollo.) Your sister? Apollo: Yeah. Croft: Why? Apollo: Becaus ongoing serial, now at the memorable four-secton mark! Oh, wait, Apollo’s not missing? He’s not Adama’s only surviving child? It’s not Apollo? Then who’s missing? Is anybody missing? Will someone please get the facts straight before they show up on the videoprompter?!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 28 Scene: The Galactica landing bay - not the torched one, the other one - where a very cynical but at least not scruffy-looking Croft has just disembarked from a shuttle. Apollo and Boomer enter the bay and quickly join him. Apollo: Croft, what are you doing here. Croft: Colonel Tigh summoned me. And when Colonel Tigh speaks, people listen. Apollo: They do? Oh, uh, yeah, they do, he’s a colonel, of course... So what does he want? Croft: Beats me. I haven’t talked to him yet. What are you doing here? Apollo and Boomer exchange glances. Boomer: We’re searching for Athena. Croft: (To Apollo.) Your sister? Apollo: Yeah. Croft: Why? Apollo: Becaus the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot pollo and Boomer.) Yes... Well, we need you to find her. Croft: Why me? After that mission on Arcta, Adama put me in charge of the prison barge. After Baltar’s attempted escape, which he held me personally responsible for, he threatened that I was going to rot there. Some rank reinstatement, putting a former prisoner in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: I’ve spoken with Commander Adama about the situation. I’m authorized to make you an offer you can’t refuse, if you find Athena and bring her back safely. Croft: Oh, yeah? Tigh: Yeah. Croft: (After a moment of silence.) Well, what is it? Tigh: Oh, you want to know what it is... He’s willing to have you transferred off the prison barge. Forever. You’ll never have to go back. Croft: (Disillusionment and cynicism falling away into wonder.) Really? Tigh: Really. Croft: Hot diggity dawg! I’m your man, Tigh! I’ll find the missing miss! Woo-hoo! Croft bounds off into the shuttle. Tigh looks at Apollo and Boompollo and Boomer.) Yes... Well, we need you to find her. Croft: Why me? After that mission on Arcta, Adama put me in charge of the prison barge. After Baltar’s attempted escape, which he held me personally responsible for, he threatened that I was going to rot there. Some rank reinstatement, putting a former prisoner in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: I’ve spoken with Commander Adama about the situation. I’m authorized to make you an offer you can’t refuse, if you find Athena and bring her back safely. Croft: Oh, yeah? Tigh: Yeah. Croft: (After a moment of silence.) Well, what is it? Tigh: Oh, you want to know what it is... He’s willing to have you transferred off the prison barge. Forever. You’ll never have to go back. Croft: (Disillusionment and cynicism falling away into wonder.) Really? Tigh: Really. Croft: Hot diggity dawg! I’m your man, Tigh! I’ll find the missing miss! Woo-hoo! Croft bounds off into the shuttle. Tigh looks at Apollo and Boompollo and Boomer.) Yes... Well, we need you to find her. Croft: Why me? After that mission on Arcta, Adama put me in charge of the prison barge. After Baltar’s attempted escape, which he held me personally responsible for, he threatened that I was going to rot there. Some rank reinstatement, putting a former prisoner in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: I’ve spoken with Commander Adama about the situation. I’m authorized to make you an offer you can’t refuse, if you find Athena and bring her back safely. Croft: Oh, yeah? Tigh: Yeah. Croft: (After a moment of silence.) Well, what is it? Tigh: Oh, you want to know what it is... He’s willing to have you transferred off the prison barge. Forever. You’ll never have to go back. Croft: (Disillusionment and cynicism falling away into wonder.) Really? Tigh: Really. Croft: Hot diggity dawg! I’m your man, Tigh! I’ll find the missing miss! Woo-hoo! Croft bounds off into the shuttle. Tigh looks at Apollo and Boome she’s missing. And we miss her. Croft: (With a cynical smile.) People really do that? Apollo: (Affronted.) Yes, they do. Boomer: And some of us lov...uh, really like her a lot and think we might have deep feelings for her. Croft: (Raising a disbelieving eyebrow.) Hey, I’ve met her, remember? And that was after you told me all about your childhood and your siblings in that long flight back from Arcta, Apollo - remember? Or were you too maudlin to stand yourself? Boomer: Is that question up to a vote? Apollo: (Interrupting.) No! Oh, look, there’s Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh enters the bay, and joins our intrepid heros. Okay, so he joins Apollo, Boomer, and Croft, and the intrepid heros keep going... Tigh: Croft. Croft: Tigh. So whaddaya want? Tigh: (Glancing at Apollo and Boomer.) I’m sure you’ve heard by now, that Athena’s missing. Croft: If they weren’t broadcasting it all over IFB, I’d still know about it from these two. Tigh: (Another glance at Ae she’s missing. And we miss her. Croft: (With a cynical smile.) People really do that? Apollo: (Affronted.) Yes, they do. Boomer: And some of us lov...uh, really like her a lot and think we might have deep feelings for her. Croft: (Raising a disbelieving eyebrow.) Hey, I’ve met her, remember? And that was after you told me all about your childhood and your siblings in that long flight back from Arcta, Apollo - remember? Or were you too maudlin to stand yourself? Boomer: Is that question up to a vote? Apollo: (Interrupting.) No! Oh, look, there’s Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh enters the bay, and joins our intrepid heros. Okay, so he joins Apollo, Boomer, and Croft, and the intrepid heros keep going... Tigh: Croft. Croft: Tigh. So whaddaya want? Tigh: (Glancing at Apollo and Boomer.) I’m sure you’ve heard by now, that Athena’s missing. Croft: If they weren’t broadcasting it all over IFB, I’d still know about it from these two. Tigh: (Another glance at Athe Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxiner. Tigh: (Pointedly.) He could probably use some help. Apollo and Boomer: Oh! Apollo and Boomer join Croft on the shuttle, which launches. Tigh: (Watching them go, looking mystified.) Well, I have no idea where they’re going to start...but at least this saves me from having to tell Croft the truth...that he was going from the prison barge to the Jolly and Cassie ship, no matter what. Adama still hasn’t forgiven him for that Baltar incident... (Shudders and turns to leave the bay.) Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "And a one, and a two..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 29 Scene: Sire Uri’s private casino/dance club on the Rising Star, with lights, music, food, beverages, and lots of well-dressed and elegant Sires and Siresses. In the midst of the crowd, Chameleon is dancing with a lovely red-haired Siress. Starbuck is standing on the sidelines, checking his wrist chronometer on a regular er. Tigh: (Pointedly.) He could probably use some help. Apollo and Boomer: Oh! Apollo and Boomer join Croft on the shuttle, which launches. Tigh: (Watching them go, looking mystified.) Well, I have no idea where they’re going to start...but at least this saves me from having to tell Croft the truth...that he was going from the prison barge to the Jolly and Cassie ship, no matter what. Adama still hasn’t forgiven him for that Baltar incident... (Shudders and turns to leave the bay.) Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "And a one, and a two..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 29 Scene: Sire Uri’s private casino/dance club on the Rising Star, with lights, music, food, beverages, and lots of well-dressed and elegant Sires and Siresses. In the midst of the crowd, Chameleon is dancing with a lovely red-haired Siress. Starbuck is standing on the sidelines, checking his wrist chronometer on a regular er. Tigh: (Pointedly.) He could probably use some help. Apollo and Boomer: Oh! Apollo and Boomer join Croft on the shuttle, which launches. Tigh: (Watching them go, looking mystified.) Well, I have no idea where they’re going to start...but at least this saves me from having to tell Croft the truth...that he was going from the prison barge to the Jolly and Cassie ship, no matter what. Adama still hasn’t forgiven him for that Baltar incident... (Shudders and turns to leave the bay.) Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "And a one, and a two..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 29 Scene: Sire Uri’s private casino/dance club on the Rising Star, with lights, music, food, beverages, and lots of well-dressed and elegant Sires and Siresses. In the midst of the crowd, Chameleon is dancing with a lovely red-haired Siress. Starbuck is standing on the sidelines, checking his wrist chronometer on a regular pollo and Boomer.) Yes... Well, we need you to find her. Croft: Why me? After that mission on Arcta, Adama put me in charge of the prison barge. After Baltar’s attempted escape, which he held me personally responsible for, he threatened that I was going to rot there. Some rank reinstatement, putting a former prisoner in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: I’ve spoken with Commander Adama about the situation. I’m authorized to make you an offer you can’t refuse, if you find Athena and bring her back safely. Croft: Oh, yeah? Tigh: Yeah. Croft: (After a moment of silence.) Well, what is it? Tigh: Oh, you want to know what it is... He’s willing to have you transferred off the prison barge. Forever. You’ll never have to go back. Croft: (Disillusionment and cynicism falling away into wonder.) Really? Tigh: Really. Croft: Hot diggity dawg! I’m your man, Tigh! I’ll find the missing miss! Woo-hoo! Croft bounds off into the shuttle. Tigh looks at Apollo and Booms in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on tbasis. Finally, he walks up to Chameleon and taps him on the shoulder. Starbuck: Uh, Chameleon, shouldn’t we be heading back to the Galactica? I was due back for patrol yesterday. Chameleon: (Still dancing.) Not just yet, Starbuck, my boy. Aren’t you having fun? Starbuck: Well, yes, but Apollo’s gonna have a fit - and the Commander will probably space me for being AWOL! Chameleon: (Shrugging.) Since you’re already likely to be in trouble, why hurry back to face it? In for a cubit, in for a kilocubit. Besides, we still owe Sire Uri a few more centars. Starbuck: Is this how you always wind up paying off your gambling debt to him? Serving as escort in his lounge for a day or two? Chameleon: Uhm-hmm. That, and dancing instructor. It can be a lot of fun, Starbuck, if you know when and how much to lose. (He winks, then smiles fondly at his lady companion, who waves Starbuck off as they rumba into the crowd.) Starbuck: If you say so... (Shrugs, then finds a table pollo and Boomer.) Yes... Well, we need you to find her. Croft: Why me? After that mission on Arcta, Adama put me in charge of the prison barge. After Baltar’s attempted escape, which he held me personally responsible for, he threatened that I was going to rot there. Some rank reinstatement, putting a former prisoner in charge of the prison barge! Tigh: I’ve spoken with Commander Adama about the situation. I’m authorized to make you an offer you can’t refuse, if you find Athena and bring her back safely. Croft: Oh, yeah? Tigh: Yeah. Croft: (After a moment of silence.) Well, what is it? Tigh: Oh, you want to know what it is... He’s willing to have you transferred off the prison barge. Forever. You’ll never have to go back. Croft: (Disillusionment and cynicism falling away into wonder.) Really? Tigh: Really. Croft: Hot diggity dawg! I’m your man, Tigh! I’ll find the missing miss! Woo-hoo! Croft bounds off into the shuttle. Tigh looks at Apollo and Boombasis. Finally, he walks up to Chameleon and taps him on the shoulder. Starbuck: Uh, Chameleon, shouldn’t we be heading back to the Galactica? I was due back for patrol yesterday. Chameleon: (Still dancing.) Not just yet, Starbuck, my boy. Aren’t you having fun? Starbuck: Well, yes, but Apollo’s gonna have a fit - and the Commander will probably space me for being AWOL! Chameleon: (Shrugging.) Since you’re already likely to be in trouble, why hurry back to face it? In for a cubit, in for a kilocubit. Besides, we still owe Sire Uri a few more centars. Starbuck: Is this how you always wind up paying off your gambling debt to him? Serving as escort in his lounge for a day or two? Chameleon: Uhm-hmm. That, and dancing instructor. It can be a lot of fun, Starbuck, if you know when and how much to lose. (He winks, then smiles fondly at his lady companion, who waves Starbuck off as they rumba into the crowd.) Starbuck: If you say so... (Shrugs, then finds a table er. Tigh: (Pointedly.) He could probably use some help. Apollo and Boomer: Oh! Apollo and Boomer join Croft on the shuttle, which launches. Tigh: (Watching them go, looking mystified.) Well, I have no idea where they’re going to start...but at least this saves me from having to tell Croft the truth...that he was going from the prison barge to the Jolly and Cassie ship, no matter what. Adama still hasn’t forgiven him for that Baltar incident... (Shudders and turns to leave the bay.) Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "And a one, and a two..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 29 Scene: Sire Uri’s private casino/dance club on the Rising Star, with lights, music, food, beverages, and lots of well-dressed and elegant Sires and Siresses. In the midst of the crowd, Chameleon is dancing with a lovely red-haired Siress. Starbuck is standing on the sidelines, checking his wrist chronometer on a regular he Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you basis. Finally, he walks up to Chameleon and taps him on the shoulder. Starbuck: Uh, Chameleon, shouldn’t we be heading back to the Galactica? I was due back for patrol yesterday. Chameleon: (Still dancing.) Not just yet, Starbuck, my boy. Aren’t you having fun? Starbuck: Well, yes, but Apollo’s gonna have a fit - and the Commander will probably space me for being AWOL! Chameleon: (Shrugging.) Since you’re already likely to be in trouble, why hurry back to face it? In for a cubit, in for a kilocubit. Besides, we still owe Sire Uri a few more centars. Starbuck: Is this how you always wind up paying off your gambling debt to him? Serving as escort in his lounge for a day or two? Chameleon: Uhm-hmm. That, and dancing instructor. It can be a lot of fun, Starbuck, if you know when and how much to lose. (He winks, then smiles fondly at his lady companion, who waves Starbuck off as they rumba into the crowd.) Starbuck: If you say so... (Shrugs, then finds a table er. Tigh: (Pointedly.) He could probably use some help. Apollo and Boomer: Oh! Apollo and Boomer join Croft on the shuttle, which launches. Tigh: (Watching them go, looking mystified.) Well, I have no idea where they’re going to start...but at least this saves me from having to tell Croft the truth...that he was going from the prison barge to the Jolly and Cassie ship, no matter what. Adama still hasn’t forgiven him for that Baltar incident... (Shudders and turns to leave the bay.) Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Chameleon say, "And a one, and a two..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 29 Scene: Sire Uri’s private casino/dance club on the Rising Star, with lights, music, food, beverages, and lots of well-dressed and elegant Sires and Siresses. In the midst of the crowd, Chameleon is dancing with a lovely red-haired Siress. Starbuck is standing on the sidelines, checking his wrist chronometer on a regular with a solitary Siress, and orders the waiter to bring two drinks.) Chameleon: (To his companion.) You dance wonderfully - you don’t need lessons at all! Siress Ginger: I know. I just wanted to meet you. Chameleon: Really? Now why would such a charming Siress as yourself be interested in meeting me? Siress Ginger: Because I work for Colonial Security, and we want you to turn Fleet’s evidence against Sire Uri and put him out of business. Chameleon: But...but...that would mean I’d have to give up this... Siress Ginger: Yes, you would. You could be free of Uri’s control. You’d never owe him cubits again from his seamy crooked gambling. You’d never have to serve as escort and dance instructor again. Well? Chameleon: I’ll have to think about it... Chameleon gestures to Uri’s personal security muscle-bound oafs, who promptly begin to escort the Siress out, despite her protests. When she doth protest too much, one of them slings her over his shoulder and carries her.with a solitary Siress, and orders the waiter to bring two drinks.) Chameleon: (To his companion.) You dance wonderfully - you don’t need lessons at all! Siress Ginger: I know. I just wanted to meet you. Chameleon: Really? Now why would such a charming Siress as yourself be interested in meeting me? Siress Ginger: Because I work for Colonial Security, and we want you to turn Fleet’s evidence against Sire Uri and put him out of business. Chameleon: But...but...that would mean I’d have to give up this... Siress Ginger: Yes, you would. You could be free of Uri’s control. You’d never owe him cubits again from his seamy crooked gambling. You’d never have to serve as escort and dance instructor again. Well? Chameleon: I’ll have to think about it... Chameleon gestures to Uri’s personal security muscle-bound oafs, who promptly begin to escort the Siress out, despite her protests. When she doth protest too much, one of them slings her over his shoulder and carries her.basis. Finally, he walks up to Chameleon and taps him on the shoulder. Starbuck: Uh, Chameleon, shouldn’t we be heading back to the Galactica? I was due back for patrol yesterday. Chameleon: (Still dancing.) Not just yet, Starbuck, my boy. Aren’t you having fun? Starbuck: Well, yes, but Apollo’s gonna have a fit - and the Commander will probably space me for being AWOL! Chameleon: (Shrugging.) Since you’re already likely to be in trouble, why hurry back to face it? In for a cubit, in for a kilocubit. Besides, we still owe Sire Uri a few more centars. Starbuck: Is this how you always wind up paying off your gambling debt to him? Serving as escort in his lounge for a day or two? Chameleon: Uhm-hmm. That, and dancing instructor. It can be a lot of fun, Starbuck, if you know when and how much to lose. (He winks, then smiles fondly at his lady companion, who waves Starbuck off as they rumba into the crowd.) Starbuck: If you say so... (Shrugs, then finds a table and that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better sibasis. Finally, he walks up to Chameleon and taps him on the shoulder. Starbuck: Uh, Chameleon, shouldn’t we be heading back to the Galactica? I was due back for patrol yesterday. Chameleon: (Still dancing.) Not just yet, Starbuck, my boy. Aren’t you having fun? Starbuck: Well, yes, but Apollo’s gonna have a fit - and the Commander will probably space me for being AWOL! Chameleon: (Shrugging.) Since you’re already likely to be in trouble, why hurry back to face it? In for a cubit, in for a kilocubit. Besides, we still owe Sire Uri a few more centars. Starbuck: Is this how you always wind up paying off your gambling debt to him? Serving as escort in his lounge for a day or two? Chameleon: Uhm-hmm. That, and dancing instructor. It can be a lot of fun, Starbuck, if you know when and how much to lose. (He winks, then smiles fondly at his lady companion, who waves Starbuck off as they rumba into the crowd.) Starbuck: If you say so... (Shrugs, then finds a table Meanwhile, Uri himself has entered, with a somewhat reluctant Athena on his arm. Athena is no longer wearing her uniform and boots, but instead a gown that’s slinky, white, and glittery, slit up to here and down to there, and backless (which of course won’t be seen until she turns around) and high strappy heels. Uri: Chameleon! Come here. Chameleon promptly joins them. Uri: This young lady needs dance lessons. Chameleon: (Doing a double take.) She does? But this-- Uri: (Impatiently.) You still owe me six hundred cubits, Chameleon. Now, see to her. (He hands over Athena and leaves.) Chameleon: Aren’t you Athena, Commander Adama’s daughter, a bridge officer on the Galactica, and one of Lt. Starbuck’s former ladyfriends? Athena: Why, yes, I am. How kind of you to remember. Chameleon: What are you doing here? Athena: (Sulky.) Sire Uri wants me to learn how a fox trots. What do I care? There aren’t any left anyway, since the Colonies were destroyed. Chameleowith a solitary Siress, and orders the waiter to bring two drinks.) Chameleon: (To his companion.) You dance wonderfully - you don’t need lessons at all! Siress Ginger: I know. I just wanted to meet you. Chameleon: Really? Now why would such a charming Siress as yourself be interested in meeting me? Siress Ginger: Because I work for Colonial Security, and we want you to turn Fleet’s evidence against Sire Uri and put him out of business. Chameleon: But...but...that would mean I’d have to give up this... Siress Ginger: Yes, you would. You could be free of Uri’s control. You’d never owe him cubits again from his seamy crooked gambling. You’d never have to serve as escort and dance instructor again. Well? Chameleon: I’ll have to think about it... Chameleon gestures to Uri’s personal security muscle-bound oafs, who promptly begin to escort the Siress out, despite her protests. When she doth protest too much, one of them slings her over his shoulder and carries her. Meanwhile, Uri himself has entered, with a somewhat reluctant Athena on his arm. Athena is no longer wearing her uniform and boots, but instead a gown that’s slinky, white, and glittery, slit up to here and down to there, and backless (which of course won’t be seen until she turns around) and high strappy heels. Uri: Chameleon! Come here. Chameleon promptly joins them. Uri: This young lady needs dance lessons. Chameleon: (Doing a double take.) She does? But this-- Uri: (Impatiently.) You still owe me six hundred cubits, Chameleon. Now, see to her. (He hands over Athena and leaves.) Chameleon: Aren’t you Athena, Commander Adama’s daughter, a bridge officer on the Galactica, and one of Lt. Starbuck’s former ladyfriends? Athena: Why, yes, I am. How kind of you to remember. Chameleon: What are you doing here? Athena: (Sulky.) Sire Uri wants me to learn how a fox trots. What do I care? There aren’t any left anyway, since the Colonies were destroyed. Chameleowith a solitary Siress, and orders the waiter to bring two drinks.) Chameleon: (To his companion.) You dance wonderfully - you don’t need lessons at all! Siress Ginger: I know. I just wanted to meet you. Chameleon: Really? Now why would such a charming Siress as yourself be interested in meeting me? Siress Ginger: Because I work for Colonial Security, and we want you to turn Fleet’s evidence against Sire Uri and put him out of business. Chameleon: But...but...that would mean I’d have to give up this... Siress Ginger: Yes, you would. You could be free of Uri’s control. You’d never owe him cubits again from his seamy crooked gambling. You’d never have to serve as escort and dance instructor again. Well? Chameleon: I’ll have to think about it... Chameleon gestures to Uri’s personal security muscle-bound oafs, who promptly begin to escort the Siress out, despite her protests. When she doth protest too much, one of them slings her over his shoulder and carries her.t down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could bewith a solitary Siress, and orders the waiter to bring two drinks.) Chameleon: (To his companion.) You dance wonderfully - you don’t need lessons at all! Siress Ginger: I know. I just wanted to meet you. Chameleon: Really? Now why would such a charming Siress as yourself be interested in meeting me? Siress Ginger: Because I work for Colonial Security, and we want you to turn Fleet’s evidence against Sire Uri and put him out of business. Chameleon: But...but...that would mean I’d have to give up this... Siress Ginger: Yes, you would. You could be free of Uri’s control. You’d never owe him cubits again from his seamy crooked gambling. You’d never have to serve as escort and dance instructor again. Well? Chameleon: I’ll have to think about it... Chameleon gestures to Uri’s personal security muscle-bound oafs, who promptly begin to escort the Siress out, despite her protests. When she doth protest too much, one of them slings her over his shoulder and carries her.n: Oh...uh...well...you’re probably right... How about if I teach you how to dance instead? Athena: (Cheering up.) I’d like that! I used to love it, but I haven’t been dancing in yahrens - Starbuck didn’t know how, he kept stepping on my toes until I gave up asking him to. I swear, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned at cotillion! Chameleon: (Doing a double-take at the table where Starbuck is charming a Siress.) Starbuck can’t dance? My s...special friend can’t dance? That can’t be possible! Athena: No, it’s true! Starbuck can’t dance. Chameleon: (As if to himself.) Lords of Kobol... No s...special friend of mine couldn’t dance. What if Starbuck’s not really my s...special friend? What if...? (Shakes himself back to reality.) All right, Athena, let’s dance. We’ll start with some simple steps, and see what you remember. And a one, and a two... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Amanda say, "Is t Meanwhile, Uri himself has entered, with a somewhat reluctant Athena on his arm. Athena is no longer wearing her uniform and boots, but instead a gown that’s slinky, white, and glittery, slit up to here and down to there, and backless (which of course won’t be seen until she turns around) and high strappy heels. Uri: Chameleon! Come here. Chameleon promptly joins them. Uri: This young lady needs dance lessons. Chameleon: (Doing a double take.) She does? But this-- Uri: (Impatiently.) You still owe me six hundred cubits, Chameleon. Now, see to her. (He hands over Athena and leaves.) Chameleon: Aren’t you Athena, Commander Adama’s daughter, a bridge officer on the Galactica, and one of Lt. Starbuck’s former ladyfriends? Athena: Why, yes, I am. How kind of you to remember. Chameleon: What are you doing here? Athena: (Sulky.) Sire Uri wants me to learn how a fox trots. What do I care? There aren’t any left anyway, since the Colonies were destroyed. Chameleon: Oh...uh...well...you’re probably right... How about if I teach you how to dance instead? Athena: (Cheering up.) I’d like that! I used to love it, but I haven’t been dancing in yahrens - Starbuck didn’t know how, he kept stepping on my toes until I gave up asking him to. I swear, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned at cotillion! Chameleon: (Doing a double-take at the table where Starbuck is charming a Siress.) Starbuck can’t dance? My s...special friend can’t dance? That can’t be possible! Athena: No, it’s true! Starbuck can’t dance. Chameleon: (As if to himself.) Lords of Kobol... No s...special friend of mine couldn’t dance. What if Starbuck’s not really my s...special friend? What if...? (Shakes himself back to reality.) All right, Athena, let’s dance. We’ll start with some simple steps, and see what you remember. And a one, and a two... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Amanda say, "Is t Meanwhile, Uri himself has entered, with a somewhat reluctant Athena on his arm. Athena is no longer wearing her uniform and boots, but instead a gown that’s slinky, white, and glittery, slit up to here and down to there, and backless (which of course won’t be seen until she turns around) and high strappy heels. Uri: Chameleon! Come here. Chameleon promptly joins them. Uri: This young lady needs dance lessons. Chameleon: (Doing a double take.) She does? But this-- Uri: (Impatiently.) You still owe me six hundred cubits, Chameleon. Now, see to her. (He hands over Athena and leaves.) Chameleon: Aren’t you Athena, Commander Adama’s daughter, a bridge officer on the Galactica, and one of Lt. Starbuck’s former ladyfriends? Athena: Why, yes, I am. How kind of you to remember. Chameleon: What are you doing here? Athena: (Sulky.) Sire Uri wants me to learn how a fox trots. What do I care? There aren’t any left anyway, since the Colonies were destroyed. Chameleo a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions,n: Oh...uh...well...you’re probably right... How about if I teach you how to dance instead? Athena: (Cheering up.) I’d like that! I used to love it, but I haven’t been dancing in yahrens - Starbuck didn’t know how, he kept stepping on my toes until I gave up asking him to. I swear, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned at cotillion! Chameleon: (Doing a double-take at the table where Starbuck is charming a Siress.) Starbuck can’t dance? My s...special friend can’t dance? That can’t be possible! Athena: No, it’s true! Starbuck can’t dance. Chameleon: (As if to himself.) Lords of Kobol... No s...special friend of mine couldn’t dance. What if Starbuck’s not really my s...special friend? What if...? (Shakes himself back to reality.) All right, Athena, let’s dance. We’ll start with some simple steps, and see what you remember. And a one, and a two... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Amanda say, "Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket -- or is someone just happy to see me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 30 Scene: Uri’s private chancery/dance hall on the Rising Star, where Starbuck has just sat down with the beauteous and thoroughly stacked Siress Amanda, and ordered beverages. Starbuck: Hi. Mind if I join you? Amanda: (Sultry.) Not at all. I’d enjoy the company. Starbuck: I think I will, too. My name’s Starbuck. Amanda: I’m Siress Amanda. (Her eyes sweep over him.) Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket - or is someone just happy to see me? Starbuck: (Pulling a fumarello out of his pocket.) It’s a mummified Kobolian. Amanda: That’s what I thought. (Deftly plucking the fumarello out of his hand and studying the wrapping.) Amazing...they wrap these fumarellos the same way they wrapped our old lords of Kobol back on Kobol. Starbuck: (Romantically, with deep feeling.) One of those significant memorial rituals, a way to remind us all of hat a mummified Kobolian in your pocket -- or is someone just happy to see me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 30 Scene: Uri’s private chancery/dance hall on the Rising Star, where Starbuck has just sat down with the beauteous and thoroughly stacked Siress Amanda, and ordered beverages. Starbuck: Hi. Mind if I join you? Amanda: (Sultry.) Not at all. I’d enjoy the company. Starbuck: I think I will, too. My name’s Starbuck. Amanda: I’m Siress Amanda. (Her eyes sweep over him.) Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket - or is someone just happy to see me? Starbuck: (Pulling a fumarello out of his pocket.) It’s a mummified Kobolian. Amanda: That’s what I thought. (Deftly plucking the fumarello out of his hand and studying the wrapping.) Amazing...they wrap these fumarellos the same way they wrapped our old lords of Kobol back on Kobol. Starbuck: (Romantically, with deep feeling.) One of those significant memorial rituals, a way to remind us all of Meanwhile, Uri himself has entered, with a somewhat reluctant Athena on his arm. Athena is no longer wearing her uniform and boots, but instead a gown that’s slinky, white, and glittery, slit up to here and down to there, and backless (which of course won’t be seen until she turns around) and high strappy heels. Uri: Chameleon! Come here. Chameleon promptly joins them. Uri: This young lady needs dance lessons. Chameleon: (Doing a double take.) She does? But this-- Uri: (Impatiently.) You still owe me six hundred cubits, Chameleon. Now, see to her. (He hands over Athena and leaves.) Chameleon: Aren’t you Athena, Commander Adama’s daughter, a bridge officer on the Galactica, and one of Lt. Starbuck’s former ladyfriends? Athena: Why, yes, I am. How kind of you to remember. Chameleon: What are you doing here? Athena: (Sulky.) Sire Uri wants me to learn how a fox trots. What do I care? There aren’t any left anyway, since the Colonies were destroyed. Chameleon: Oh...uh...well...you’re probably right... How about if I teach you how to dance instead? Athena: (Cheering up.) I’d like that! I used to love it, but I haven’t been dancing in yahrens - Starbuck didn’t know how, he kept stepping on my toes until I gave up asking him to. I swear, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned at cotillion! Chameleon: (Doing a double-take at the table where Starbuck is charming a Siress.) Starbuck can’t dance? My s...special friend can’t dance? That can’t be possible! Athena: No, it’s true! Starbuck can’t dance. Chameleon: (As if to himself.) Lords of Kobol... No s...special friend of mine couldn’t dance. What if Starbuck’s not really my s...special friend? What if...? (Shakes himself back to reality.) All right, Athena, let’s dance. We’ll start with some simple steps, and see what you remember. And a one, and a two... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Amanda say, "Is t it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from hat a mummified Kobolian in your pocket -- or is someone just happy to see me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 30 Scene: Uri’s private chancery/dance hall on the Rising Star, where Starbuck has just sat down with the beauteous and thoroughly stacked Siress Amanda, and ordered beverages. Starbuck: Hi. Mind if I join you? Amanda: (Sultry.) Not at all. I’d enjoy the company. Starbuck: I think I will, too. My name’s Starbuck. Amanda: I’m Siress Amanda. (Her eyes sweep over him.) Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket - or is someone just happy to see me? Starbuck: (Pulling a fumarello out of his pocket.) It’s a mummified Kobolian. Amanda: That’s what I thought. (Deftly plucking the fumarello out of his hand and studying the wrapping.) Amazing...they wrap these fumarellos the same way they wrapped our old lords of Kobol back on Kobol. Starbuck: (Romantically, with deep feeling.) One of those significant memorial rituals, a way to remind us all of our past and our culture. And a great metaphor, all things considered... Amanda: (Sniffing the fumarello, eyes closed, fingers lightly caressing it.) Mmm. I didn’t think there were any of these left from the Colonies... How’d you get one? Starbuck: (Regretfully.) It’s not an original. I have a friend who grows his own, and wraps them this way. Amanda: Ahh. Mind if I share it with you? Starbuck: A woman who knows and appreciates a good fumarello... Why do I get the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye? Amanda: I wouldn’t know. Do you think I’m hiding something? Starbuck: (Eyeing her black, close-fitting, low-cut, high-hemmed, mostly fringed gown.) I wouldn’t know where. Amanda: Do you like my dress? It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Thank Kobol he survived or there’d be no fashion left at all. Starbuck: I know someone who’d love it... Amanda: (Raising her eyebrows insinuatingly.) You really want it? Starbuck: (Flushing.)our past and our culture. And a great metaphor, all things considered... Amanda: (Sniffing the fumarello, eyes closed, fingers lightly caressing it.) Mmm. I didn’t think there were any of these left from the Colonies... How’d you get one? Starbuck: (Regretfully.) It’s not an original. I have a friend who grows his own, and wraps them this way. Amanda: Ahh. Mind if I share it with you? Starbuck: A woman who knows and appreciates a good fumarello... Why do I get the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye? Amanda: I wouldn’t know. Do you think I’m hiding something? Starbuck: (Eyeing her black, close-fitting, low-cut, high-hemmed, mostly fringed gown.) I wouldn’t know where. Amanda: Do you like my dress? It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Thank Kobol he survived or there’d be no fashion left at all. Starbuck: I know someone who’d love it... Amanda: (Raising her eyebrows insinuatingly.) You really want it? Starbuck: (Flushing.)n: Oh...uh...well...you’re probably right... How about if I teach you how to dance instead? Athena: (Cheering up.) I’d like that! I used to love it, but I haven’t been dancing in yahrens - Starbuck didn’t know how, he kept stepping on my toes until I gave up asking him to. I swear, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned at cotillion! Chameleon: (Doing a double-take at the table where Starbuck is charming a Siress.) Starbuck can’t dance? My s...special friend can’t dance? That can’t be possible! Athena: No, it’s true! Starbuck can’t dance. Chameleon: (As if to himself.) Lords of Kobol... No s...special friend of mine couldn’t dance. What if Starbuck’s not really my s...special friend? What if...? (Shakes himself back to reality.) All right, Athena, let’s dance. We’ll start with some simple steps, and see what you remember. And a one, and a two... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Amanda say, "Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket -- or is someone just happy to see me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 30 Scene: Uri’s private chancery/dance hall on the Rising Star, where Starbuck has just sat down with the beauteous and thoroughly stacked Siress Amanda, and ordered beverages. Starbuck: Hi. Mind if I join you? Amanda: (Sultry.) Not at all. I’d enjoy the company. Starbuck: I think I will, too. My name’s Starbuck. Amanda: I’m Siress Amanda. (Her eyes sweep over him.) Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket - or is someone just happy to see me? Starbuck: (Pulling a fumarello out of his pocket.) It’s a mummified Kobolian. Amanda: That’s what I thought. (Deftly plucking the fumarello out of his hand and studying the wrapping.) Amazing...they wrap these fumarellos the same way they wrapped our old lords of Kobol back on Kobol. Starbuck: (Romantically, with deep feeling.) One of those significant memorial rituals, a way to remind us all of across the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard thour past and our culture. And a great metaphor, all things considered... Amanda: (Sniffing the fumarello, eyes closed, fingers lightly caressing it.) Mmm. I didn’t think there were any of these left from the Colonies... How’d you get one? Starbuck: (Regretfully.) It’s not an original. I have a friend who grows his own, and wraps them this way. Amanda: Ahh. Mind if I share it with you? Starbuck: A woman who knows and appreciates a good fumarello... Why do I get the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye? Amanda: I wouldn’t know. Do you think I’m hiding something? Starbuck: (Eyeing her black, close-fitting, low-cut, high-hemmed, mostly fringed gown.) I wouldn’t know where. Amanda: Do you like my dress? It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Thank Kobol he survived or there’d be no fashion left at all. Starbuck: I know someone who’d love it... Amanda: (Raising her eyebrows insinuatingly.) You really want it? Starbuck: (Flushing.) No, my friend Sheba. She was just mentioning the state of her wardrobe, on the way over...I suspect she’d love to borrow your dress. Amanda: She can’t have it. I wouldn’t take this dress off for just anybody. But do you always mention other women when you’re with other women? Starbuck: (Leaning closer.) Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’d never do... Amanda: Good. I’d never want to think I came second in my companion’s thoughts. Starbuck: If any man could look at you, smell your perfume, and touch your hair -- and still manage to think of another woman, well, there’s something wrong with him...or he’s in love. Amanda: Are you in love? Starbuck: I used to think I was. A couple of times. But I got over it. And being here, I know why. I was waiting to meet you. Amanda: Oooh. I like that. Shall we dance? Starbuck: Uh...I don’t think so. I’d be embarrassed...let’s just sit here and talk and share our drinks, and get to know each other... Amanda: (Laughing hear No, my friend Sheba. She was just mentioning the state of her wardrobe, on the way over...I suspect she’d love to borrow your dress. Amanda: She can’t have it. I wouldn’t take this dress off for just anybody. But do you always mention other women when you’re with other women? Starbuck: (Leaning closer.) Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’d never do... Amanda: Good. I’d never want to think I came second in my companion’s thoughts. Starbuck: If any man could look at you, smell your perfume, and touch your hair -- and still manage to think of another woman, well, there’s something wrong with him...or he’s in love. Amanda: Are you in love? Starbuck: I used to think I was. A couple of times. But I got over it. And being here, I know why. I was waiting to meet you. Amanda: Oooh. I like that. Shall we dance? Starbuck: Uh...I don’t think so. I’d be embarrassed...let’s just sit here and talk and share our drinks, and get to know each other... Amanda: (Laughing hearhat a mummified Kobolian in your pocket -- or is someone just happy to see me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- Episode 30 Scene: Uri’s private chancery/dance hall on the Rising Star, where Starbuck has just sat down with the beauteous and thoroughly stacked Siress Amanda, and ordered beverages. Starbuck: Hi. Mind if I join you? Amanda: (Sultry.) Not at all. I’d enjoy the company. Starbuck: I think I will, too. My name’s Starbuck. Amanda: I’m Siress Amanda. (Her eyes sweep over him.) Is that a mummified Kobolian in your pocket - or is someone just happy to see me? Starbuck: (Pulling a fumarello out of his pocket.) It’s a mummified Kobolian. Amanda: That’s what I thought. (Deftly plucking the fumarello out of his hand and studying the wrapping.) Amazing...they wrap these fumarellos the same way they wrapped our old lords of Kobol back on Kobol. Starbuck: (Romantically, with deep feeling.) One of those significant memorial rituals, a way to remind us all of our past and our culture. And a great metaphor, all things considered... Amanda: (Sniffing the fumarello, eyes closed, fingers lightly caressing it.) Mmm. I didn’t think there were any of these left from the Colonies... How’d you get one? Starbuck: (Regretfully.) It’s not an original. I have a friend who grows his own, and wraps them this way. Amanda: Ahh. Mind if I share it with you? Starbuck: A woman who knows and appreciates a good fumarello... Why do I get the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye? Amanda: I wouldn’t know. Do you think I’m hiding something? Starbuck: (Eyeing her black, close-fitting, low-cut, high-hemmed, mostly fringed gown.) I wouldn’t know where. Amanda: Do you like my dress? It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Thank Kobol he survived or there’d be no fashion left at all. Starbuck: I know someone who’d love it... Amanda: (Raising her eyebrows insinuatingly.) You really want it? Starbuck: (Flushing.)e Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that th No, my friend Sheba. She was just mentioning the state of her wardrobe, on the way over...I suspect she’d love to borrow your dress. Amanda: She can’t have it. I wouldn’t take this dress off for just anybody. But do you always mention other women when you’re with other women? Starbuck: (Leaning closer.) Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’d never do... Amanda: Good. I’d never want to think I came second in my companion’s thoughts. Starbuck: If any man could look at you, smell your perfume, and touch your hair -- and still manage to think of another woman, well, there’s something wrong with him...or he’s in love. Amanda: Are you in love? Starbuck: I used to think I was. A couple of times. But I got over it. And being here, I know why. I was waiting to meet you. Amanda: Oooh. I like that. Shall we dance? Starbuck: Uh...I don’t think so. I’d be embarrassed...let’s just sit here and talk and share our drinks, and get to know each other... Amanda: (Laughing heartily and handing back the fumarello.) You’ll do! Sire Uri! Put him on the payroll... Starbuck: You work for Sire Uri? Amanda: For the time being. And now, so do you. The Siress shifts elegantly in her chair, stands and walks away with a hipswing that could kill at twenty paces, leaving a discomfitted Starbuck sitting alone with his wrapped mummified Kobolian in his hand. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "Cannibalism? I thought rats on the menu were bad enough!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 31 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from a shuttle. Apollo: Croft, tell me again why we’re starting our search for Athena here? Croft: Four shuttles left the Galactica between the time that Athena was last seen on the bridge, and the time she was discovered missing. One of those shuttles came here. Apollo: And the others? Croft: One went to the Risitily and handing back the fumarello.) You’ll do! Sire Uri! Put him on the payroll... Starbuck: You work for Sire Uri? Amanda: For the time being. And now, so do you. The Siress shifts elegantly in her chair, stands and walks away with a hipswing that could kill at twenty paces, leaving a discomfitted Starbuck sitting alone with his wrapped mummified Kobolian in his hand. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "Cannibalism? I thought rats on the menu were bad enough!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 31 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from a shuttle. Apollo: Croft, tell me again why we’re starting our search for Athena here? Croft: Four shuttles left the Galactica between the time that Athena was last seen on the bridge, and the time she was discovered missing. One of those shuttles came here. Apollo: And the others? Croft: One went to the Risiour past and our culture. And a great metaphor, all things considered... Amanda: (Sniffing the fumarello, eyes closed, fingers lightly caressing it.) Mmm. I didn’t think there were any of these left from the Colonies... How’d you get one? Starbuck: (Regretfully.) It’s not an original. I have a friend who grows his own, and wraps them this way. Amanda: Ahh. Mind if I share it with you? Starbuck: A woman who knows and appreciates a good fumarello... Why do I get the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye? Amanda: I wouldn’t know. Do you think I’m hiding something? Starbuck: (Eyeing her black, close-fitting, low-cut, high-hemmed, mostly fringed gown.) I wouldn’t know where. Amanda: Do you like my dress? It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Thank Kobol he survived or there’d be no fashion left at all. Starbuck: I know someone who’d love it... Amanda: (Raising her eyebrows insinuatingly.) You really want it? Starbuck: (Flushing.) No, my friend Sheba. She was just mentioning the state of her wardrobe, on the way over...I suspect she’d love to borrow your dress. Amanda: She can’t have it. I wouldn’t take this dress off for just anybody. But do you always mention other women when you’re with other women? Starbuck: (Leaning closer.) Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’d never do... Amanda: Good. I’d never want to think I came second in my companion’s thoughts. Starbuck: If any man could look at you, smell your perfume, and touch your hair -- and still manage to think of another woman, well, there’s something wrong with him...or he’s in love. Amanda: Are you in love? Starbuck: I used to think I was. A couple of times. But I got over it. And being here, I know why. I was waiting to meet you. Amanda: Oooh. I like that. Shall we dance? Starbuck: Uh...I don’t think so. I’d be embarrassed...let’s just sit here and talk and share our drinks, and get to know each other... Amanda: (Laughing heare records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? tily and handing back the fumarello.) You’ll do! Sire Uri! Put him on the payroll... Starbuck: You work for Sire Uri? Amanda: For the time being. And now, so do you. The Siress shifts elegantly in her chair, stands and walks away with a hipswing that could kill at twenty paces, leaving a discomfitted Starbuck sitting alone with his wrapped mummified Kobolian in his hand. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "Cannibalism? I thought rats on the menu were bad enough!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 31 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from a shuttle. Apollo: Croft, tell me again why we’re starting our search for Athena here? Croft: Four shuttles left the Galactica between the time that Athena was last seen on the bridge, and the time she was discovered missing. One of those shuttles came here. Apollo: And the others? Croft: One went to the Rising Star, one went to the Bakeryship, and the other didn’t report a destination. Boomer: How about the regular intrafleet shuttle routes? Croft: (Decisively.) No. They’re monitored too closely - everybody boards in the same place, and the cargo is checked as it’s loaded. Boomer: What about the Prison Barge? Croft: Ever since Baltar’s escape attempt, the prison barge shuttles are more closely guarded and searched, coming and going. I’m confident Zara got to the PB without Athena. Boomer: Wait a centon - Zara gets peanut butter? Croft: No, she gets the same grid rat menu as the rest of ‘em do. Apollo: (Faintly.) There’s rats on the menu? I knew there was a protein shortage, but, ugh! Boomer: I’ll never complain about the mess hall menu again! Croft: No, we don’t serve rat - oh, forget it. Boomer: Ya know, I’m feeling awfully heavy...I didn’t eat that much at lunch. Apollo: I know what you mean, Boomer - my laser pistol feels like it weighs a hundred kilos, and ng Star, one went to the Bakeryship, and the other didn’t report a destination. Boomer: How about the regular intrafleet shuttle routes? Croft: (Decisively.) No. They’re monitored too closely - everybody boards in the same place, and the cargo is checked as it’s loaded. Boomer: What about the Prison Barge? Croft: Ever since Baltar’s escape attempt, the prison barge shuttles are more closely guarded and searched, coming and going. I’m confident Zara got to the PB without Athena. Boomer: Wait a centon - Zara gets peanut butter? Croft: No, she gets the same grid rat menu as the rest of ‘em do. Apollo: (Faintly.) There’s rats on the menu? I knew there was a protein shortage, but, ugh! Boomer: I’ll never complain about the mess hall menu again! Croft: No, we don’t serve rat - oh, forget it. Boomer: Ya know, I’m feeling awfully heavy...I didn’t eat that much at lunch. Apollo: I know what you mean, Boomer - my laser pistol feels like it weighs a hundred kilos, and No, my friend Sheba. She was just mentioning the state of her wardrobe, on the way over...I suspect she’d love to borrow your dress. Amanda: She can’t have it. I wouldn’t take this dress off for just anybody. But do you always mention other women when you’re with other women? Starbuck: (Leaning closer.) Sweetheart, that’s one thing I’d never do... Amanda: Good. I’d never want to think I came second in my companion’s thoughts. Starbuck: If any man could look at you, smell your perfume, and touch your hair -- and still manage to think of another woman, well, there’s something wrong with him...or he’s in love. Amanda: Are you in love? Starbuck: I used to think I was. A couple of times. But I got over it. And being here, I know why. I was waiting to meet you. Amanda: Oooh. I like that. Shall we dance? Starbuck: Uh...I don’t think so. I’d be embarrassed...let’s just sit here and talk and share our drinks, and get to know each other... Amanda: (Laughing heartily and handing back the fumarello.) You’ll do! Sire Uri! Put him on the payroll... Starbuck: You work for Sire Uri? Amanda: For the time being. And now, so do you. The Siress shifts elegantly in her chair, stands and walks away with a hipswing that could kill at twenty paces, leaving a discomfitted Starbuck sitting alone with his wrapped mummified Kobolian in his hand. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "Cannibalism? I thought rats on the menu were bad enough!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 31 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from a shuttle. Apollo: Croft, tell me again why we’re starting our search for Athena here? Croft: Four shuttles left the Galactica between the time that Athena was last seen on the bridge, and the time she was discovered missing. One of those shuttles came here. Apollo: And the others? Croft: One went to the Rising Star, one went to the Bakeryship, and the other didn’t report a destination. Boomer: How about the regular intrafleet shuttle routes? Croft: (Decisively.) No. They’re monitored too closely - everybody boards in the same place, and the cargo is checked as it’s loaded. Boomer: What about the Prison Barge? Croft: Ever since Baltar’s escape attempt, the prison barge shuttles are more closely guarded and searched, coming and going. I’m confident Zara got to the PB without Athena. Boomer: Wait a centon - Zara gets peanut butter? Croft: No, she gets the same grid rat menu as the rest of ‘em do. Apollo: (Faintly.) There’s rats on the menu? I knew there was a protein shortage, but, ugh! Boomer: I’ll never complain about the mess hall menu again! Croft: No, we don’t serve rat - oh, forget it. Boomer: Ya know, I’m feeling awfully heavy...I didn’t eat that much at lunch. Apollo: I know what you mean, Boomer - my laser pistol feels like it weighs a hundred kilos, and Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is I feel like somebody put weights in my boots. Croft: There’s something wrong here. Even the air feels heavy... Jolly enters the bay, two very unrepentant-looking children following mutinously behind. Jolly: (Panting slightly.) All right, #98, #666, what did you do with the gravity controls? Each child points at the other. Apollo: Hi, Jolly! (Eyes the kids.) What’s the problem? Jolly: (As severely as he’s capable of.) One or the other of these two broke into the ship’s gravity controls to cannibalize parts for a new Muffit! Boomer: Cannibalism? And I thought rats on the menu were bad enough! When did this become Soylent Green? Jolly: No, Ensign Soylent transferred to the Pegasus. Apollo: Did the kids succeed? Jolly: In making Muffits? No, fortunately, we were able to stop them in time. Now we just need to get the gravity back to Colonial Standard. Now, I know one of you did it... Confess now, or there’ll be no mushies for anybody for dessert tonight. I feel like somebody put weights in my boots. Croft: There’s something wrong here. Even the air feels heavy... Jolly enters the bay, two very unrepentant-looking children following mutinously behind. Jolly: (Panting slightly.) All right, #98, #666, what did you do with the gravity controls? Each child points at the other. Apollo: Hi, Jolly! (Eyes the kids.) What’s the problem? Jolly: (As severely as he’s capable of.) One or the other of these two broke into the ship’s gravity controls to cannibalize parts for a new Muffit! Boomer: Cannibalism? And I thought rats on the menu were bad enough! When did this become Soylent Green? Jolly: No, Ensign Soylent transferred to the Pegasus. Apollo: Did the kids succeed? Jolly: In making Muffits? No, fortunately, we were able to stop them in time. Now we just need to get the gravity back to Colonial Standard. Now, I know one of you did it... Confess now, or there’ll be no mushies for anybody for dessert tonight. tily and handing back the fumarello.) You’ll do! Sire Uri! Put him on the payroll... Starbuck: You work for Sire Uri? Amanda: For the time being. And now, so do you. The Siress shifts elegantly in her chair, stands and walks away with a hipswing that could kill at twenty paces, leaving a discomfitted Starbuck sitting alone with his wrapped mummified Kobolian in his hand. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "Cannibalism? I thought rats on the menu were bad enough!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 31 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from a shuttle. Apollo: Croft, tell me again why we’re starting our search for Athena here? Croft: Four shuttles left the Galactica between the time that Athena was last seen on the bridge, and the time she was discovered missing. One of those shuttles came here. Apollo: And the others? Croft: One went to the Rising Star, one went to the Bakeryship, and the other didn’t report a destination. Boomer: How about the regular intrafleet shuttle routes? Croft: (Decisively.) No. They’re monitored too closely - everybody boards in the same place, and the cargo is checked as it’s loaded. Boomer: What about the Prison Barge? Croft: Ever since Baltar’s escape attempt, the prison barge shuttles are more closely guarded and searched, coming and going. I’m confident Zara got to the PB without Athena. Boomer: Wait a centon - Zara gets peanut butter? Croft: No, she gets the same grid rat menu as the rest of ‘em do. Apollo: (Faintly.) There’s rats on the menu? I knew there was a protein shortage, but, ugh! Boomer: I’ll never complain about the mess hall menu again! Croft: No, we don’t serve rat - oh, forget it. Boomer: Ya know, I’m feeling awfully heavy...I didn’t eat that much at lunch. Apollo: I know what you mean, Boomer - my laser pistol feels like it weighs a hundred kilos, and I feel like somebody put weights in my boots. Croft: There’s something wrong here. Even the air feels heavy... Jolly enters the bay, two very unrepentant-looking children following mutinously behind. Jolly: (Panting slightly.) All right, #98, #666, what did you do with the gravity controls? Each child points at the other. Apollo: Hi, Jolly! (Eyes the kids.) What’s the problem? Jolly: (As severely as he’s capable of.) One or the other of these two broke into the ship’s gravity controls to cannibalize parts for a new Muffit! Boomer: Cannibalism? And I thought rats on the menu were bad enough! When did this become Soylent Green? Jolly: No, Ensign Soylent transferred to the Pegasus. Apollo: Did the kids succeed? Jolly: In making Muffits? No, fortunately, we were able to stop them in time. Now we just need to get the gravity back to Colonial Standard. Now, I know one of you did it... Confess now, or there’ll be no mushies for anybody for dessert tonight. nearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now Child #666: (Slowly raises his hand.) It was me... Child #98: I told you it wasn’t me! Jolly: Go ahead, #98. Now, #666, you go fix those controls! And no making Muffits! Child #666: Okay, Papa Jo... Child #98: I’ll help. Jolly: That’s good of you, #98. Go ahead now, boys. The two boys head for a control panel at the side of the bay. Child #98: I’m not really a number, you know. My real name’s Calvin - but I go by Spif. Child #666: I have a real name too! My name’s Damian! Mom -- her name was Rosemary -- used to say I should go by Dreadful Omen of the Impending End of the Colonies in Holocaust and Destruction, but that didn’t fit on my stylus box. The boys vanish behind the panel. Boomer: So, Jolly, you still like being a dad? Jolly: (Laughing.) Oh, it’s hectic at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the worlds. The warriors exchange skeptical glances. Jolly: But what brings you all here? I’m sure it’s not just to see how paternity’s treating me! Child #666: (Slowly raises his hand.) It was me... Child #98: I told you it wasn’t me! Jolly: Go ahead, #98. Now, #666, you go fix those controls! And no making Muffits! Child #666: Okay, Papa Jo... Child #98: I’ll help. Jolly: That’s good of you, #98. Go ahead now, boys. The two boys head for a control panel at the side of the bay. Child #98: I’m not really a number, you know. My real name’s Calvin - but I go by Spif. Child #666: I have a real name too! My name’s Damian! Mom -- her name was Rosemary -- used to say I should go by Dreadful Omen of the Impending End of the Colonies in Holocaust and Destruction, but that didn’t fit on my stylus box. The boys vanish behind the panel. Boomer: So, Jolly, you still like being a dad? Jolly: (Laughing.) Oh, it’s hectic at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the worlds. The warriors exchange skeptical glances. Jolly: But what brings you all here? I’m sure it’s not just to see how paternity’s treating me! ng Star, one went to the Bakeryship, and the other didn’t report a destination. Boomer: How about the regular intrafleet shuttle routes? Croft: (Decisively.) No. They’re monitored too closely - everybody boards in the same place, and the cargo is checked as it’s loaded. Boomer: What about the Prison Barge? Croft: Ever since Baltar’s escape attempt, the prison barge shuttles are more closely guarded and searched, coming and going. I’m confident Zara got to the PB without Athena. Boomer: Wait a centon - Zara gets peanut butter? Croft: No, she gets the same grid rat menu as the rest of ‘em do. Apollo: (Faintly.) There’s rats on the menu? I knew there was a protein shortage, but, ugh! Boomer: I’ll never complain about the mess hall menu again! Croft: No, we don’t serve rat - oh, forget it. Boomer: Ya know, I’m feeling awfully heavy...I didn’t eat that much at lunch. Apollo: I know what you mean, Boomer - my laser pistol feels like it weighs a hundred kilos, and I feel like somebody put weights in my boots. Croft: There’s something wrong here. Even the air feels heavy... Jolly enters the bay, two very unrepentant-looking children following mutinously behind. Jolly: (Panting slightly.) All right, #98, #666, what did you do with the gravity controls? Each child points at the other. Apollo: Hi, Jolly! (Eyes the kids.) What’s the problem? Jolly: (As severely as he’s capable of.) One or the other of these two broke into the ship’s gravity controls to cannibalize parts for a new Muffit! Boomer: Cannibalism? And I thought rats on the menu were bad enough! When did this become Soylent Green? Jolly: No, Ensign Soylent transferred to the Pegasus. Apollo: Did the kids succeed? Jolly: In making Muffits? No, fortunately, we were able to stop them in time. Now we just need to get the gravity back to Colonial Standard. Now, I know one of you did it... Confess now, or there’ll be no mushies for anybody for dessert tonight. Child #666: (Slowly raises his hand.) It was me... Child #98: I told you it wasn’t me! Jolly: Go ahead, #98. Now, #666, you go fix those controls! And no making Muffits! Child #666: Okay, Papa Jo... Child #98: I’ll help. Jolly: That’s good of you, #98. Go ahead now, boys. The two boys head for a control panel at the side of the bay. Child #98: I’m not really a number, you know. My real name’s Calvin - but I go by Spif. Child #666: I have a real name too! My name’s Damian! Mom -- her name was Rosemary -- used to say I should go by Dreadful Omen of the Impending End of the Colonies in Holocaust and Destruction, but that didn’t fit on my stylus box. The boys vanish behind the panel. Boomer: So, Jolly, you still like being a dad? Jolly: (Laughing.) Oh, it’s hectic at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the worlds. The warriors exchange skeptical glances. Jolly: But what brings you all here? I’m sure it’s not just to see how paternity’s treating me! known to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was Croft: Actually, we’re looking for a missing commander’s daughter. Jolly: Athena? I heard the news. Sorry, haven’t seen her here...but we could sure use the help if she wants to babysit. >From somewhere in the background, sounds an ominous cackling laugh, as the lights go out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 32 Scene: The Bakeryship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from the shuttle, still on their quest for Athena. Croft: The Jolly and Cassie ship was a dead end. Hopefully we’ll have better luck here. Boomer: (Shuddering.) I’m glad we got off when we did - things were starting to spin in that bay, and I swear the floor was rippling! Apollo: And I don’t think it was from the gravity. Croft: (Unconcerned.) Oh, I’m sure Jolly will soon have it all under control. They hear a shout, and l Croft: Actually, we’re looking for a missing commander’s daughter. Jolly: Athena? I heard the news. Sorry, haven’t seen her here...but we could sure use the help if she wants to babysit. >From somewhere in the background, sounds an ominous cackling laugh, as the lights go out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 32 Scene: The Bakeryship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from the shuttle, still on their quest for Athena. Croft: The Jolly and Cassie ship was a dead end. Hopefully we’ll have better luck here. Boomer: (Shuddering.) I’m glad we got off when we did - things were starting to spin in that bay, and I swear the floor was rippling! Apollo: And I don’t think it was from the gravity. Croft: (Unconcerned.) Oh, I’m sure Jolly will soon have it all under control. They hear a shout, and lI feel like somebody put weights in my boots. Croft: There’s something wrong here. Even the air feels heavy... Jolly enters the bay, two very unrepentant-looking children following mutinously behind. Jolly: (Panting slightly.) All right, #98, #666, what did you do with the gravity controls? Each child points at the other. Apollo: Hi, Jolly! (Eyes the kids.) What’s the problem? Jolly: (As severely as he’s capable of.) One or the other of these two broke into the ship’s gravity controls to cannibalize parts for a new Muffit! Boomer: Cannibalism? And I thought rats on the menu were bad enough! When did this become Soylent Green? Jolly: No, Ensign Soylent transferred to the Pegasus. Apollo: Did the kids succeed? Jolly: In making Muffits? No, fortunately, we were able to stop them in time. Now we just need to get the gravity back to Colonial Standard. Now, I know one of you did it... Confess now, or there’ll be no mushies for anybody for dessert tonight. Child #666: (Slowly raises his hand.) It was me... Child #98: I told you it wasn’t me! Jolly: Go ahead, #98. Now, #666, you go fix those controls! And no making Muffits! Child #666: Okay, Papa Jo... Child #98: I’ll help. Jolly: That’s good of you, #98. Go ahead now, boys. The two boys head for a control panel at the side of the bay. Child #98: I’m not really a number, you know. My real name’s Calvin - but I go by Spif. Child #666: I have a real name too! My name’s Damian! Mom -- her name was Rosemary -- used to say I should go by Dreadful Omen of the Impending End of the Colonies in Holocaust and Destruction, but that didn’t fit on my stylus box. The boys vanish behind the panel. Boomer: So, Jolly, you still like being a dad? Jolly: (Laughing.) Oh, it’s hectic at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the worlds. The warriors exchange skeptical glances. Jolly: But what brings you all here? I’m sure it’s not just to see how paternity’s treating me! Croft: Actually, we’re looking for a missing commander’s daughter. Jolly: Athena? I heard the news. Sorry, haven’t seen her here...but we could sure use the help if she wants to babysit. >From somewhere in the background, sounds an ominous cackling laugh, as the lights go out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 32 Scene: The Bakeryship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from the shuttle, still on their quest for Athena. Croft: The Jolly and Cassie ship was a dead end. Hopefully we’ll have better luck here. Boomer: (Shuddering.) I’m glad we got off when we did - things were starting to spin in that bay, and I swear the floor was rippling! Apollo: And I don’t think it was from the gravity. Croft: (Unconcerned.) Oh, I’m sure Jolly will soon have it all under control. They hear a shout, and lwalking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enoook just in time to see Rigel run across the landing deck from her own shuttle, and throw herself into the arms of the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert. Robert: Rigel... Rigel: Robert.... Robert: (Deeper voice) Rigel... Rigel: (Fainter voice) Robert... Croft: (Interrupting the tender moment.) Well, I think we can be satisfied that you know each other’s names. Both jump, then glare at Croft. Croft: Now, do either of you know what happened to Athena? Rigel: (Guilty.) I haven’t seen her since she...uh, left the bridge. With Mac and Buck. And I talked to them, they hadn’t seen her since then, either. Croft: Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert? Robert: I haven’t seen her either. (Smiles significantly at Rigel.) Not since my last personal delivery to the Galactica. Croft: (Raising one eyebrow.) And when was that? Robert: Two sectons ago. Apollo: (Puzzled.) I don’t remember you being aboard the Galactica. What were you delivering? Robert: (Smoothly.) IChild #666: (Slowly raises his hand.) It was me... Child #98: I told you it wasn’t me! Jolly: Go ahead, #98. Now, #666, you go fix those controls! And no making Muffits! Child #666: Okay, Papa Jo... Child #98: I’ll help. Jolly: That’s good of you, #98. Go ahead now, boys. The two boys head for a control panel at the side of the bay. Child #98: I’m not really a number, you know. My real name’s Calvin - but I go by Spif. Child #666: I have a real name too! My name’s Damian! Mom -- her name was Rosemary -- used to say I should go by Dreadful Omen of the Impending End of the Colonies in Holocaust and Destruction, but that didn’t fit on my stylus box. The boys vanish behind the panel. Boomer: So, Jolly, you still like being a dad? Jolly: (Laughing.) Oh, it’s hectic at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the worlds. The warriors exchange skeptical glances. Jolly: But what brings you all here? I’m sure it’s not just to see how paternity’s treating me! ook just in time to see Rigel run across the landing deck from her own shuttle, and throw herself into the arms of the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert. Robert: Rigel... Rigel: Robert.... Robert: (Deeper voice) Rigel... Rigel: (Fainter voice) Robert... Croft: (Interrupting the tender moment.) Well, I think we can be satisfied that you know each other’s names. Both jump, then glare at Croft. Croft: Now, do either of you know what happened to Athena? Rigel: (Guilty.) I haven’t seen her since she...uh, left the bridge. With Mac and Buck. And I talked to them, they hadn’t seen her since then, either. Croft: Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert? Robert: I haven’t seen her either. (Smiles significantly at Rigel.) Not since my last personal delivery to the Galactica. Croft: (Raising one eyebrow.) And when was that? Robert: Two sectons ago. Apollo: (Puzzled.) I don’t remember you being aboard the Galactica. What were you delivering? Robert: (Smoothly.) I Croft: Actually, we’re looking for a missing commander’s daughter. Jolly: Athena? I heard the news. Sorry, haven’t seen her here...but we could sure use the help if she wants to babysit. >From somewhere in the background, sounds an ominous cackling laugh, as the lights go out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 32 Scene: The Bakeryship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from the shuttle, still on their quest for Athena. Croft: The Jolly and Cassie ship was a dead end. Hopefully we’ll have better luck here. Boomer: (Shuddering.) I’m glad we got off when we did - things were starting to spin in that bay, and I swear the floor was rippling! Apollo: And I don’t think it was from the gravity. Croft: (Unconcerned.) Oh, I’m sure Jolly will soon have it all under control. They hear a shout, and look just in time to see Rigel run across the landing deck from her own shuttle, and throw herself into the arms of the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert. Robert: Rigel... Rigel: Robert.... Robert: (Deeper voice) Rigel... Rigel: (Fainter voice) Robert... Croft: (Interrupting the tender moment.) Well, I think we can be satisfied that you know each other’s names. Both jump, then glare at Croft. Croft: Now, do either of you know what happened to Athena? Rigel: (Guilty.) I haven’t seen her since she...uh, left the bridge. With Mac and Buck. And I talked to them, they hadn’t seen her since then, either. Croft: Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert? Robert: I haven’t seen her either. (Smiles significantly at Rigel.) Not since my last personal delivery to the Galactica. Croft: (Raising one eyebrow.) And when was that? Robert: Two sectons ago. Apollo: (Puzzled.) I don’t remember you being aboard the Galactica. What were you delivering? Robert: (Smoothly.) Iugh of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. Croft: Actually, we’re looking for a missing commander’s daughter. Jolly: Athena? I heard the news. Sorry, haven’t seen her here...but we could sure use the help if she wants to babysit. >From somewhere in the background, sounds an ominous cackling laugh, as the lights go out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 32 Scene: The Bakeryship. Croft, Apollo, and Boomer disembark from the shuttle, still on their quest for Athena. Croft: The Jolly and Cassie ship was a dead end. Hopefully we’ll have better luck here. Boomer: (Shuddering.) I’m glad we got off when we did - things were starting to spin in that bay, and I swear the floor was rippling! Apollo: And I don’t think it was from the gravity. Croft: (Unconcerned.) Oh, I’m sure Jolly will soon have it all under control. They hear a shout, and l don’t remember seeing you either - are you sure you were aboard the Galactica? Apollo: Of course I was. I haven’t been off the battlestar in sectons! Rigel: (Helpfully.) You’ve been out on patrol, Apollo. I know, because I’ve cleared you for launches and for landing afterward. Apollo: Well, except for that. Robert: So how can you say you haven’t been off the battlestar? (Pulling Croft aside.) You might want to check his alibi, Croft. He can’t seem to keep his story straight. Croft: I didn’t ask him for an alibi. Robert: Maybe you should. Croft: Maybe I will. Robert: But only if you want to. Croft. Well, I want to! Don’t tell me who I can suspect and who I can’t! Robert: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! Croft: All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? Apollo: What? Croft: I said - Apollo: I heard you the first time! Don’t tell me you suspect me of doing harm to my own sister! Croft: Stop telling me what to do! Just tell me w don’t remember seeing you either - are you sure you were aboard the Galactica? Apollo: Of course I was. I haven’t been off the battlestar in sectons! Rigel: (Helpfully.) You’ve been out on patrol, Apollo. I know, because I’ve cleared you for launches and for landing afterward. Apollo: Well, except for that. Robert: So how can you say you haven’t been off the battlestar? (Pulling Croft aside.) You might want to check his alibi, Croft. He can’t seem to keep his story straight. Croft: I didn’t ask him for an alibi. Robert: Maybe you should. Croft: Maybe I will. Robert: But only if you want to. Croft. Well, I want to! Don’t tell me who I can suspect and who I can’t! Robert: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! Croft: All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? Apollo: What? Croft: I said - Apollo: I heard you the first time! Don’t tell me you suspect me of doing harm to my own sister! Croft: Stop telling me what to do! Just tell me wook just in time to see Rigel run across the landing deck from her own shuttle, and throw herself into the arms of the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert. Robert: Rigel... Rigel: Robert.... Robert: (Deeper voice) Rigel... Rigel: (Fainter voice) Robert... Croft: (Interrupting the tender moment.) Well, I think we can be satisfied that you know each other’s names. Both jump, then glare at Croft. Croft: Now, do either of you know what happened to Athena? Rigel: (Guilty.) I haven’t seen her since she...uh, left the bridge. With Mac and Buck. And I talked to them, they hadn’t seen her since then, either. Croft: Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert? Robert: I haven’t seen her either. (Smiles significantly at Rigel.) Not since my last personal delivery to the Galactica. Croft: (Raising one eyebrow.) And when was that? Robert: Two sectons ago. Apollo: (Puzzled.) I don’t remember you being aboard the Galactica. What were you delivering? Robert: (Smoothly.) I don’t remember seeing you either - are you sure you were aboard the Galactica? Apollo: Of course I was. I haven’t been off the battlestar in sectons! Rigel: (Helpfully.) You’ve been out on patrol, Apollo. I know, because I’ve cleared you for launches and for landing afterward. Apollo: Well, except for that. Robert: So how can you say you haven’t been off the battlestar? (Pulling Croft aside.) You might want to check his alibi, Croft. He can’t seem to keep his story straight. Croft: I didn’t ask him for an alibi. Robert: Maybe you should. Croft: Maybe I will. Robert: But only if you want to. Croft. Well, I want to! Don’t tell me who I can suspect and who I can’t! Robert: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! Croft: All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? Apollo: What? Croft: I said - Apollo: I heard you the first time! Don’t tell me you suspect me of doing harm to my own sister! Croft: Stop telling me what to do! Just tell me wI had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what abouook just in time to see Rigel run across the landing deck from her own shuttle, and throw herself into the arms of the Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert. Robert: Rigel... Rigel: Robert.... Robert: (Deeper voice) Rigel... Rigel: (Fainter voice) Robert... Croft: (Interrupting the tender moment.) Well, I think we can be satisfied that you know each other’s names. Both jump, then glare at Croft. Croft: Now, do either of you know what happened to Athena? Rigel: (Guilty.) I haven’t seen her since she...uh, left the bridge. With Mac and Buck. And I talked to them, they hadn’t seen her since then, either. Croft: Dread Pirate...uh, Captain Robert? Robert: I haven’t seen her either. (Smiles significantly at Rigel.) Not since my last personal delivery to the Galactica. Croft: (Raising one eyebrow.) And when was that? Robert: Two sectons ago. Apollo: (Puzzled.) I don’t remember you being aboard the Galactica. What were you delivering? Robert: (Smoothly.) Ihere you were. Apollo: I was in the landing bay, and then in the Officer’s Club - Boomer can vouch for me. Croft: Boomer? Boomer: Hmmm... Croft: Well? Apollo: C’mon, Boomer, you know I was. Boomer: I’m trying to recall... Apollo: All right! I’m sorry I told my father that you took that Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy! I apologize! I’ll write a formal apology! Tell Croft the truth! Boomer: Well, yeah, Croft, he was. We were both there. Croft: Oh, darn. Awh, that would have been too easy anyway. The jealous sibling in an aristocratic family...doing away with the other beneficiaries of the will...happens all the time. Well, she’s not here. On to the next ship... Apollo: There’s a will? Boomer: Which ship is that? Croft: We’ll know when we get there. Let’s go. Rigel and Robert watch them leave. Then Robert slips his arm around Rigel’s waist, and they smile conspiratorially at each other. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly here you were. Apollo: I was in the landing bay, and then in the Officer’s Club - Boomer can vouch for me. Croft: Boomer? Boomer: Hmmm... Croft: Well? Apollo: C’mon, Boomer, you know I was. Boomer: I’m trying to recall... Apollo: All right! I’m sorry I told my father that you took that Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy! I apologize! I’ll write a formal apology! Tell Croft the truth! Boomer: Well, yeah, Croft, he was. We were both there. Croft: Oh, darn. Awh, that would have been too easy anyway. The jealous sibling in an aristocratic family...doing away with the other beneficiaries of the will...happens all the time. Well, she’s not here. On to the next ship... Apollo: There’s a will? Boomer: Which ship is that? Croft: We’ll know when we get there. Let’s go. Rigel and Robert watch them leave. Then Robert slips his arm around Rigel’s waist, and they smile conspiratorially at each other. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly don’t remember seeing you either - are you sure you were aboard the Galactica? Apollo: Of course I was. I haven’t been off the battlestar in sectons! Rigel: (Helpfully.) You’ve been out on patrol, Apollo. I know, because I’ve cleared you for launches and for landing afterward. Apollo: Well, except for that. Robert: So how can you say you haven’t been off the battlestar? (Pulling Croft aside.) You might want to check his alibi, Croft. He can’t seem to keep his story straight. Croft: I didn’t ask him for an alibi. Robert: Maybe you should. Croft: Maybe I will. Robert: But only if you want to. Croft. Well, I want to! Don’t tell me who I can suspect and who I can’t! Robert: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! Croft: All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? Apollo: What? Croft: I said - Apollo: I heard you the first time! Don’t tell me you suspect me of doing harm to my own sister! Croft: Stop telling me what to do! Just tell me where you were. Apollo: I was in the landing bay, and then in the Officer’s Club - Boomer can vouch for me. Croft: Boomer? Boomer: Hmmm... Croft: Well? Apollo: C’mon, Boomer, you know I was. Boomer: I’m trying to recall... Apollo: All right! I’m sorry I told my father that you took that Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy! I apologize! I’ll write a formal apology! Tell Croft the truth! Boomer: Well, yeah, Croft, he was. We were both there. Croft: Oh, darn. Awh, that would have been too easy anyway. The jealous sibling in an aristocratic family...doing away with the other beneficiaries of the will...happens all the time. Well, she’s not here. On to the next ship... Apollo: There’s a will? Boomer: Which ship is that? Croft: We’ll know when we get there. Let’s go. Rigel and Robert watch them leave. Then Robert slips his arm around Rigel’s waist, and they smile conspiratorially at each other. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly t Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode don’t remember seeing you either - are you sure you were aboard the Galactica? Apollo: Of course I was. I haven’t been off the battlestar in sectons! Rigel: (Helpfully.) You’ve been out on patrol, Apollo. I know, because I’ve cleared you for launches and for landing afterward. Apollo: Well, except for that. Robert: So how can you say you haven’t been off the battlestar? (Pulling Croft aside.) You might want to check his alibi, Croft. He can’t seem to keep his story straight. Croft: I didn’t ask him for an alibi. Robert: Maybe you should. Croft: Maybe I will. Robert: But only if you want to. Croft. Well, I want to! Don’t tell me who I can suspect and who I can’t! Robert: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it! Croft: All right, Apollo, where were you when Athena was reported missing? Apollo: What? Croft: I said - Apollo: I heard you the first time! Don’t tell me you suspect me of doing harm to my own sister! Croft: Stop telling me what to do! Just tell me wForgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "I’ve got a bad feeling about this..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 33 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: (Sighing and shaking his head.) I don’t know, Tigh. Tigh: Don’t know what, Commander? Adama: It’s been quiet. Too quiet. For too long. Tigh: Are you concerned that the Cylons will attack at this moment when we’re most involved with matters of Fleet-wide urgency? Adama: Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, but no, that’s not it. Tigh: Are you worried about Athena? Adama: No, I have faith in Croft - he wants reassignment so bad he can taste it. Tigh: The shortage of mushies? Adama: That’s a short term problem - Captain Robert will have that solved in a matter of days; we can hold the fleet together that long. Tigh: Then what is it? Adama: It’s Belloby. I haven’t see her all day. I haven’t heard her voice. There hasn’t been one complaint from a male crewmen. Tigh: Well, Omega takes his job very Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "I’ve got a bad feeling about this..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 33 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: (Sighing and shaking his head.) I don’t know, Tigh. Tigh: Don’t know what, Commander? Adama: It’s been quiet. Too quiet. For too long. Tigh: Are you concerned that the Cylons will attack at this moment when we’re most involved with matters of Fleet-wide urgency? Adama: Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, but no, that’s not it. Tigh: Are you worried about Athena? Adama: No, I have faith in Croft - he wants reassignment so bad he can taste it. Tigh: The shortage of mushies? Adama: That’s a short term problem - Captain Robert will have that solved in a matter of days; we can hold the fleet together that long. Tigh: Then what is it? Adama: It’s Belloby. I haven’t see her all day. I haven’t heard her voice. There hasn’t been one complaint from a male crewmen. Tigh: Well, Omega takes his job very Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "I’ve got a bad feeling about this..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 33 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: (Sighing and shaking his head.) I don’t know, Tigh. Tigh: Don’t know what, Commander? Adama: It’s been quiet. Too quiet. For too long. Tigh: Are you concerned that the Cylons will attack at this moment when we’re most involved with matters of Fleet-wide urgency? Adama: Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, but no, that’s not it. Tigh: Are you worried about Athena? Adama: No, I have faith in Croft - he wants reassignment so bad he can taste it. Tigh: The shortage of mushies? Adama: That’s a short term problem - Captain Robert will have that solved in a matter of days; we can hold the fleet together that long. Tigh: Then what is it? Adama: It’s Belloby. I haven’t see her all day. I haven’t heard her voice. There hasn’t been one complaint from a male crewmen. Tigh: Well, Omega takes his job very 65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides here you were. Apollo: I was in the landing bay, and then in the Officer’s Club - Boomer can vouch for me. Croft: Boomer? Boomer: Hmmm... Croft: Well? Apollo: C’mon, Boomer, you know I was. Boomer: I’m trying to recall... Apollo: All right! I’m sorry I told my father that you took that Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy! I apologize! I’ll write a formal apology! Tell Croft the truth! Boomer: Well, yeah, Croft, he was. We were both there. Croft: Oh, darn. Awh, that would have been too easy anyway. The jealous sibling in an aristocratic family...doing away with the other beneficiaries of the will...happens all the time. Well, she’s not here. On to the next ship... Apollo: There’s a will? Boomer: Which ship is that? Croft: We’ll know when we get there. Let’s go. Rigel and Robert watch them leave. Then Robert slips his arm around Rigel’s waist, and they smile conspiratorially at each other. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly seriously, sir, you know that by now. Adama: True. But I’m still uneasy... Tigh: Stop worrying, Adama, it sounds like everything’s going well. Adama: (With foreboding.) Too well. I’ve got a bad feeling about this... Belloby enters the bridge. Several crewmen duck behind their consoles, and remain there, quivering in abject terror. Tigh: Speak of the devil... Adama: Don’t bring Iblis into this, we’re in enough trouble. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Uh, yes, Siress Belloby? What can we do for you. Tigh: Whaddaya mean we? Adama grips Tigh’s shoulder and won’t let go, despite several efforts to squirm away or duck behind the commander. Belloby: Adama, I want to know what’s going on with my mushie search, and I want to know now! Adama: Why, Belloby, hasn’t Omega been keeping you up to date? Belloby: (Smirking.) Well, he’s been keeping me up, but not about the mushies. So give, Adama. Or else. Tigh: (Muttering.) Or else what? What worse can she do? Adama: (Alsseriously, sir, you know that by now. Adama: True. But I’m still uneasy... Tigh: Stop worrying, Adama, it sounds like everything’s going well. Adama: (With foreboding.) Too well. I’ve got a bad feeling about this... Belloby enters the bridge. Several crewmen duck behind their consoles, and remain there, quivering in abject terror. Tigh: Speak of the devil... Adama: Don’t bring Iblis into this, we’re in enough trouble. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Uh, yes, Siress Belloby? What can we do for you. Tigh: Whaddaya mean we? Adama grips Tigh’s shoulder and won’t let go, despite several efforts to squirm away or duck behind the commander. Belloby: Adama, I want to know what’s going on with my mushie search, and I want to know now! Adama: Why, Belloby, hasn’t Omega been keeping you up to date? Belloby: (Smirking.) Well, he’s been keeping me up, but not about the mushies. So give, Adama. Or else. Tigh: (Muttering.) Or else what? What worse can she do? Adama: (Alshere you were. Apollo: I was in the landing bay, and then in the Officer’s Club - Boomer can vouch for me. Croft: Boomer? Boomer: Hmmm... Croft: Well? Apollo: C’mon, Boomer, you know I was. Boomer: I’m trying to recall... Apollo: All right! I’m sorry I told my father that you took that Viper for a joyride, back at the Academy! I apologize! I’ll write a formal apology! Tell Croft the truth! Boomer: Well, yeah, Croft, he was. We were both there. Croft: Oh, darn. Awh, that would have been too easy anyway. The jealous sibling in an aristocratic family...doing away with the other beneficiaries of the will...happens all the time. Well, she’s not here. On to the next ship... Apollo: There’s a will? Boomer: Which ship is that? Croft: We’ll know when we get there. Let’s go. Rigel and Robert watch them leave. Then Robert slips his arm around Rigel’s waist, and they smile conspiratorially at each other. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly seriously, sir, you know that by now. Adama: True. But I’m still uneasy... Tigh: Stop worrying, Adama, it sounds like everything’s going well. Adama: (With foreboding.) Too well. I’ve got a bad feeling about this... Belloby enters the bridge. Several crewmen duck behind their consoles, and remain there, quivering in abject terror. Tigh: Speak of the devil... Adama: Don’t bring Iblis into this, we’re in enough trouble. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Uh, yes, Siress Belloby? What can we do for you. Tigh: Whaddaya mean we? Adama grips Tigh’s shoulder and won’t let go, despite several efforts to squirm away or duck behind the commander. Belloby: Adama, I want to know what’s going on with my mushie search, and I want to know now! Adama: Why, Belloby, hasn’t Omega been keeping you up to date? Belloby: (Smirking.) Well, he’s been keeping me up, but not about the mushies. So give, Adama. Or else. Tigh: (Muttering.) Or else what? What worse can she do? Adama: (Alshimself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married JoForgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "I’ve got a bad feeling about this..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 33 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: (Sighing and shaking his head.) I don’t know, Tigh. Tigh: Don’t know what, Commander? Adama: It’s been quiet. Too quiet. For too long. Tigh: Are you concerned that the Cylons will attack at this moment when we’re most involved with matters of Fleet-wide urgency? Adama: Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, but no, that’s not it. Tigh: Are you worried about Athena? Adama: No, I have faith in Croft - he wants reassignment so bad he can taste it. Tigh: The shortage of mushies? Adama: That’s a short term problem - Captain Robert will have that solved in a matter of days; we can hold the fleet together that long. Tigh: Then what is it? Adama: It’s Belloby. I haven’t see her all day. I haven’t heard her voice. There hasn’t been one complaint from a male crewmen. Tigh: Well, Omega takes his job very o muttering.) You don’t want to know. (To Belloby.) We’re continuing to exhaust every effort, Belloby, I assure you. We’ve got our best people on it. Belloby: Oh? Like who? Adama glances hastily at Tigh. Tigh: We’ve got Apollo and Boomer on it - and Croft. If the three of them can’t find those mushies, nobody can! Belloby: I thought they were looking for Athena. Adama: (Muttering again.) I thought she wasn’t up to date on things. Tigh: (Improvising quickly.) That’s just their cover story. She’s secretly gone undercover as a missing person, and they’re pretending to look for her while all four of them are actually seeking out the mushie marauder. Then, they’ll all close in on the sweet thief, and bring him or her or them to justice - and liberate your mushies. Belloby: (Impressed.) Wow. I’m impressed. That’s a good plan. How’d you think of it? Tigh: (Modestly.) Well, I... Hey! What do you mean by that? Belloby: (Waving him off.) Never mind. All righo muttering.) You don’t want to know. (To Belloby.) We’re continuing to exhaust every effort, Belloby, I assure you. We’ve got our best people on it. Belloby: Oh? Like who? Adama glances hastily at Tigh. Tigh: We’ve got Apollo and Boomer on it - and Croft. If the three of them can’t find those mushies, nobody can! Belloby: I thought they were looking for Athena. Adama: (Muttering again.) I thought she wasn’t up to date on things. Tigh: (Improvising quickly.) That’s just their cover story. She’s secretly gone undercover as a missing person, and they’re pretending to look for her while all four of them are actually seeking out the mushie marauder. Then, they’ll all close in on the sweet thief, and bring him or her or them to justice - and liberate your mushies. Belloby: (Impressed.) Wow. I’m impressed. That’s a good plan. How’d you think of it? Tigh: (Modestly.) Well, I... Hey! What do you mean by that? Belloby: (Waving him off.) Never mind. All righForgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "I’ve got a bad feeling about this..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 33 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: (Sighing and shaking his head.) I don’t know, Tigh. Tigh: Don’t know what, Commander? Adama: It’s been quiet. Too quiet. For too long. Tigh: Are you concerned that the Cylons will attack at this moment when we’re most involved with matters of Fleet-wide urgency? Adama: Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, but no, that’s not it. Tigh: Are you worried about Athena? Adama: No, I have faith in Croft - he wants reassignment so bad he can taste it. Tigh: The shortage of mushies? Adama: That’s a short term problem - Captain Robert will have that solved in a matter of days; we can hold the fleet together that long. Tigh: Then what is it? Adama: It’s Belloby. I haven’t see her all day. I haven’t heard her voice. There hasn’t been one complaint from a male crewmen. Tigh: Well, Omega takes his job very o muttering.) You don’t want to know. (To Belloby.) We’re continuing to exhaust every effort, Belloby, I assure you. We’ve got our best people on it. Belloby: Oh? Like who? Adama glances hastily at Tigh. Tigh: We’ve got Apollo and Boomer on it - and Croft. If the three of them can’t find those mushies, nobody can! Belloby: I thought they were looking for Athena. Adama: (Muttering again.) I thought she wasn’t up to date on things. Tigh: (Improvising quickly.) That’s just their cover story. She’s secretly gone undercover as a missing person, and they’re pretending to look for her while all four of them are actually seeking out the mushie marauder. Then, they’ll all close in on the sweet thief, and bring him or her or them to justice - and liberate your mushies. Belloby: (Impressed.) Wow. I’m impressed. That’s a good plan. How’d you think of it? Tigh: (Modestly.) Well, I... Hey! What do you mean by that? Belloby: (Waving him off.) Never mind. All righlly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena isseriously, sir, you know that by now. Adama: True. But I’m still uneasy... Tigh: Stop worrying, Adama, it sounds like everything’s going well. Adama: (With foreboding.) Too well. I’ve got a bad feeling about this... Belloby enters the bridge. Several crewmen duck behind their consoles, and remain there, quivering in abject terror. Tigh: Speak of the devil... Adama: Don’t bring Iblis into this, we’re in enough trouble. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Uh, yes, Siress Belloby? What can we do for you. Tigh: Whaddaya mean we? Adama grips Tigh’s shoulder and won’t let go, despite several efforts to squirm away or duck behind the commander. Belloby: Adama, I want to know what’s going on with my mushie search, and I want to know now! Adama: Why, Belloby, hasn’t Omega been keeping you up to date? Belloby: (Smirking.) Well, he’s been keeping me up, but not about the mushies. So give, Adama. Or else. Tigh: (Muttering.) Or else what? What worse can she do? Adama: (Alst, Adama, I’ll buy that story - and I’ll give you another twenty-four centars. Then...I want my mushies back. For now, I think I’ll go see if my Alpha Omega feels up to another visit to the O Club...or something else. (Grinning lecherously, she departs the bridge.) Tigh: Twenty-four centars! Adama, what’ll we do? Adama: We, Tigh? You’re the one who told her we had a plan - it’s your problem! In fact, that’s a good idea! It is your problem -- especially since the people supposedly on it, aren’t on the Galactica. Tigh, find those mushies. Or else face the consequences. Tigh stares at the door through which Belloby departed, contemplating the dire consequences. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "Could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 34 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica. Sheba and Bojay have just returned from patrol - yes, somebody is actut, Adama, I’ll buy that story - and I’ll give you another twenty-four centars. Then...I want my mushies back. For now, I think I’ll go see if my Alpha Omega feels up to another visit to the O Club...or something else. (Grinning lecherously, she departs the bridge.) Tigh: Twenty-four centars! Adama, what’ll we do? Adama: We, Tigh? You’re the one who told her we had a plan - it’s your problem! In fact, that’s a good idea! It is your problem -- especially since the people supposedly on it, aren’t on the Galactica. Tigh, find those mushies. Or else face the consequences. Tigh stares at the door through which Belloby departed, contemplating the dire consequences. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "Could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 34 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica. Sheba and Bojay have just returned from patrol - yes, somebody is actuseriously, sir, you know that by now. Adama: True. But I’m still uneasy... Tigh: Stop worrying, Adama, it sounds like everything’s going well. Adama: (With foreboding.) Too well. I’ve got a bad feeling about this... Belloby enters the bridge. Several crewmen duck behind their consoles, and remain there, quivering in abject terror. Tigh: Speak of the devil... Adama: Don’t bring Iblis into this, we’re in enough trouble. Belloby: Adama! Adama: Uh, yes, Siress Belloby? What can we do for you. Tigh: Whaddaya mean we? Adama grips Tigh’s shoulder and won’t let go, despite several efforts to squirm away or duck behind the commander. Belloby: Adama, I want to know what’s going on with my mushie search, and I want to know now! Adama: Why, Belloby, hasn’t Omega been keeping you up to date? Belloby: (Smirking.) Well, he’s been keeping me up, but not about the mushies. So give, Adama. Or else. Tigh: (Muttering.) Or else what? What worse can she do? Adama: (Alst, Adama, I’ll buy that story - and I’ll give you another twenty-four centars. Then...I want my mushies back. For now, I think I’ll go see if my Alpha Omega feels up to another visit to the O Club...or something else. (Grinning lecherously, she departs the bridge.) Tigh: Twenty-four centars! Adama, what’ll we do? Adama: We, Tigh? You’re the one who told her we had a plan - it’s your problem! In fact, that’s a good idea! It is your problem -- especially since the people supposedly on it, aren’t on the Galactica. Tigh, find those mushies. Or else face the consequences. Tigh stares at the door through which Belloby departed, contemplating the dire consequences. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "Could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 34 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica. Sheba and Bojay have just returned from patrol - yes, somebody is actu obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, whereo muttering.) You don’t want to know. (To Belloby.) We’re continuing to exhaust every effort, Belloby, I assure you. We’ve got our best people on it. Belloby: Oh? Like who? Adama glances hastily at Tigh. Tigh: We’ve got Apollo and Boomer on it - and Croft. If the three of them can’t find those mushies, nobody can! Belloby: I thought they were looking for Athena. Adama: (Muttering again.) I thought she wasn’t up to date on things. Tigh: (Improvising quickly.) That’s just their cover story. She’s secretly gone undercover as a missing person, and they’re pretending to look for her while all four of them are actually seeking out the mushie marauder. Then, they’ll all close in on the sweet thief, and bring him or her or them to justice - and liberate your mushies. Belloby: (Impressed.) Wow. I’m impressed. That’s a good plan. How’d you think of it? Tigh: (Modestly.) Well, I... Hey! What do you mean by that? Belloby: (Waving him off.) Never mind. All righally flying patrols - as Tigh approaches. Tigh: Ah, just the warriors I wanted to see. Bojay: Oh-oh, when Apollo says that, it means trouble... Sheba: This is probably where he learned it. Tigh: I note you’re back from patrol. Sheba: (Cautiously.) Yeah, we’re back... Tigh: Good. Then you’re available for another mission. Sheba: But...but...don’t we get a break? Tigh: Sorry. There’s no one else. Sheba: What about Starbuck? Tigh: Starbuck’s still missing on the Rising Star. Bojay: What about Apollo and Boomer? Tigh: Apollo and Boomer are still looking for Athena, with Croft. Sheba: Isn’t Jolly due back some day soon? Tigh: Jolly’s still on paternity leave - by the time he uses up his Council-mandated paternity leave for adopting eighteen hundred kids, he’ll be two hundred yahrens old! Bojay: There’s gotta be somebody else from Blue Squadron! Tigh: Giles, Diedre, Greenbean, Brie, and the rest of Blue Squadron are still recovering from the party that Belally flying patrols - as Tigh approaches. Tigh: Ah, just the warriors I wanted to see. Bojay: Oh-oh, when Apollo says that, it means trouble... Sheba: This is probably where he learned it. Tigh: I note you’re back from patrol. Sheba: (Cautiously.) Yeah, we’re back... Tigh: Good. Then you’re available for another mission. Sheba: But...but...don’t we get a break? Tigh: Sorry. There’s no one else. Sheba: What about Starbuck? Tigh: Starbuck’s still missing on the Rising Star. Bojay: What about Apollo and Boomer? Tigh: Apollo and Boomer are still looking for Athena, with Croft. Sheba: Isn’t Jolly due back some day soon? Tigh: Jolly’s still on paternity leave - by the time he uses up his Council-mandated paternity leave for adopting eighteen hundred kids, he’ll be two hundred yahrens old! Bojay: There’s gotta be somebody else from Blue Squadron! Tigh: Giles, Diedre, Greenbean, Brie, and the rest of Blue Squadron are still recovering from the party that Belo muttering.) You don’t want to know. (To Belloby.) We’re continuing to exhaust every effort, Belloby, I assure you. We’ve got our best people on it. Belloby: Oh? Like who? Adama glances hastily at Tigh. Tigh: We’ve got Apollo and Boomer on it - and Croft. If the three of them can’t find those mushies, nobody can! Belloby: I thought they were looking for Athena. Adama: (Muttering again.) I thought she wasn’t up to date on things. Tigh: (Improvising quickly.) That’s just their cover story. She’s secretly gone undercover as a missing person, and they’re pretending to look for her while all four of them are actually seeking out the mushie marauder. Then, they’ll all close in on the sweet thief, and bring him or her or them to justice - and liberate your mushies. Belloby: (Impressed.) Wow. I’m impressed. That’s a good plan. How’d you think of it? Tigh: (Modestly.) Well, I... Hey! What do you mean by that? Belloby: (Waving him off.) Never mind. All righally flying patrols - as Tigh approaches. Tigh: Ah, just the warriors I wanted to see. Bojay: Oh-oh, when Apollo says that, it means trouble... Sheba: This is probably where he learned it. Tigh: I note you’re back from patrol. Sheba: (Cautiously.) Yeah, we’re back... Tigh: Good. Then you’re available for another mission. Sheba: But...but...don’t we get a break? Tigh: Sorry. There’s no one else. Sheba: What about Starbuck? Tigh: Starbuck’s still missing on the Rising Star. Bojay: What about Apollo and Boomer? Tigh: Apollo and Boomer are still looking for Athena, with Croft. Sheba: Isn’t Jolly due back some day soon? Tigh: Jolly’s still on paternity leave - by the time he uses up his Council-mandated paternity leave for adopting eighteen hundred kids, he’ll be two hundred yahrens old! Bojay: There’s gotta be somebody else from Blue Squadron! Tigh: Giles, Diedre, Greenbean, Brie, and the rest of Blue Squadron are still recovering from the party that Bel the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of thet, Adama, I’ll buy that story - and I’ll give you another twenty-four centars. Then...I want my mushies back. For now, I think I’ll go see if my Alpha Omega feels up to another visit to the O Club...or something else. (Grinning lecherously, she departs the bridge.) Tigh: Twenty-four centars! Adama, what’ll we do? Adama: We, Tigh? You’re the one who told her we had a plan - it’s your problem! In fact, that’s a good idea! It is your problem -- especially since the people supposedly on it, aren’t on the Galactica. Tigh, find those mushies. Or else face the consequences. Tigh stares at the door through which Belloby departed, contemplating the dire consequences. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "Could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 34 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica. Sheba and Bojay have just returned from patrol - yes, somebody is actuloby threw. That means you. Sheba: (Griping.) How about Red Squadron? Or Silver Spar Squadron? They haven’t had a mission in sectars! Tigh: That’s the problem. Nobody from either squadron remembers the way to the launch bay. Sheba: Likely story! They can still find the O Club. Bojay: I shoulda stayed in Silver Spar... Tigh: Too late now. Here’s the mission. I’m sending you both to the Jolly and Cassie Ship to interview Boxey - he may have more information than he’s telling us about that hijacking. After all, members of his KLF were in the bay just before the mushies were discovered missing. Bojay: But he was found innocent of hi-jacking mushies! Tigh: I don’t believe it. Not for a micron. And just because he wasn’t an active participant, doesn’t mean some of his cohorts weren’t involved. Sheba: But...the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Do we have to? Tigh: Yes. It’s an order. Unless you want me to order the kids brought back here...? Bojay: (Alarmed.) No! Noloby threw. That means you. Sheba: (Griping.) How about Red Squadron? Or Silver Spar Squadron? They haven’t had a mission in sectars! Tigh: That’s the problem. Nobody from either squadron remembers the way to the launch bay. Sheba: Likely story! They can still find the O Club. Bojay: I shoulda stayed in Silver Spar... Tigh: Too late now. Here’s the mission. I’m sending you both to the Jolly and Cassie Ship to interview Boxey - he may have more information than he’s telling us about that hijacking. After all, members of his KLF were in the bay just before the mushies were discovered missing. Bojay: But he was found innocent of hi-jacking mushies! Tigh: I don’t believe it. Not for a micron. And just because he wasn’t an active participant, doesn’t mean some of his cohorts weren’t involved. Sheba: But...the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Do we have to? Tigh: Yes. It’s an order. Unless you want me to order the kids brought back here...? Bojay: (Alarmed.) No! Not, Adama, I’ll buy that story - and I’ll give you another twenty-four centars. Then...I want my mushies back. For now, I think I’ll go see if my Alpha Omega feels up to another visit to the O Club...or something else. (Grinning lecherously, she departs the bridge.) Tigh: Twenty-four centars! Adama, what’ll we do? Adama: We, Tigh? You’re the one who told her we had a plan - it’s your problem! In fact, that’s a good idea! It is your problem -- especially since the people supposedly on it, aren’t on the Galactica. Tigh, find those mushies. Or else face the consequences. Tigh stares at the door through which Belloby departed, contemplating the dire consequences. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "Could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 34 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica. Sheba and Bojay have just returned from patrol - yes, somebody is actuloby threw. That means you. Sheba: (Griping.) How about Red Squadron? Or Silver Spar Squadron? They haven’t had a mission in sectars! Tigh: That’s the problem. Nobody from either squadron remembers the way to the launch bay. Sheba: Likely story! They can still find the O Club. Bojay: I shoulda stayed in Silver Spar... Tigh: Too late now. Here’s the mission. I’m sending you both to the Jolly and Cassie Ship to interview Boxey - he may have more information than he’s telling us about that hijacking. After all, members of his KLF were in the bay just before the mushies were discovered missing. Bojay: But he was found innocent of hi-jacking mushies! Tigh: I don’t believe it. Not for a micron. And just because he wasn’t an active participant, doesn’t mean some of his cohorts weren’t involved. Sheba: But...the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Do we have to? Tigh: Yes. It’s an order. Unless you want me to order the kids brought back here...? Bojay: (Alarmed.) No! No Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards andally flying patrols - as Tigh approaches. Tigh: Ah, just the warriors I wanted to see. Bojay: Oh-oh, when Apollo says that, it means trouble... Sheba: This is probably where he learned it. Tigh: I note you’re back from patrol. Sheba: (Cautiously.) Yeah, we’re back... Tigh: Good. Then you’re available for another mission. Sheba: But...but...don’t we get a break? Tigh: Sorry. There’s no one else. Sheba: What about Starbuck? Tigh: Starbuck’s still missing on the Rising Star. Bojay: What about Apollo and Boomer? Tigh: Apollo and Boomer are still looking for Athena, with Croft. Sheba: Isn’t Jolly due back some day soon? Tigh: Jolly’s still on paternity leave - by the time he uses up his Council-mandated paternity leave for adopting eighteen hundred kids, he’ll be two hundred yahrens old! Bojay: There’s gotta be somebody else from Blue Squadron! Tigh: Giles, Diedre, Greenbean, Brie, and the rest of Blue Squadron are still recovering from the party that Belt again! I’ll have a breakdown... Tigh: Well, do that on your own time. For now, get over to that ship and bring me some answers! Oh, and if you happen to find out what happened to Athena, tell me that, too. And I’ve noticed that Starbuck’s been missing for a couple of days now - keep an eye out for him as well. Tigh strides away. Bojay and Sheba stare at each other. Sheba: We both know what happened the last time we had contact with those children. Bojay: I’ll space myself again, I swear I will. Sheba: And if I know Boxey, he’ll find a way to bring up his mother, and make a comparison that I won’t like... (Reese joins them) Reese: (Throwing himself piteously to his knees in front of Sheba.) Sheba, I’m begging you, I’m desperate, I don’t care if you’re not Cain’s daughter, I still love you, I can’t live without you - could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance? Sheba and Bojay glance at each other, then smile. Sheba: As a matter of fact, Ret again! I’ll have a breakdown... Tigh: Well, do that on your own time. For now, get over to that ship and bring me some answers! Oh, and if you happen to find out what happened to Athena, tell me that, too. And I’ve noticed that Starbuck’s been missing for a couple of days now - keep an eye out for him as well. Tigh strides away. Bojay and Sheba stare at each other. Sheba: We both know what happened the last time we had contact with those children. Bojay: I’ll space myself again, I swear I will. Sheba: And if I know Boxey, he’ll find a way to bring up his mother, and make a comparison that I won’t like... (Reese joins them) Reese: (Throwing himself piteously to his knees in front of Sheba.) Sheba, I’m begging you, I’m desperate, I don’t care if you’re not Cain’s daughter, I still love you, I can’t live without you - could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance? Sheba and Bojay glance at each other, then smile. Sheba: As a matter of fact, Really flying patrols - as Tigh approaches. Tigh: Ah, just the warriors I wanted to see. Bojay: Oh-oh, when Apollo says that, it means trouble... Sheba: This is probably where he learned it. Tigh: I note you’re back from patrol. Sheba: (Cautiously.) Yeah, we’re back... Tigh: Good. Then you’re available for another mission. Sheba: But...but...don’t we get a break? Tigh: Sorry. There’s no one else. Sheba: What about Starbuck? Tigh: Starbuck’s still missing on the Rising Star. Bojay: What about Apollo and Boomer? Tigh: Apollo and Boomer are still looking for Athena, with Croft. Sheba: Isn’t Jolly due back some day soon? Tigh: Jolly’s still on paternity leave - by the time he uses up his Council-mandated paternity leave for adopting eighteen hundred kids, he’ll be two hundred yahrens old! Bojay: There’s gotta be somebody else from Blue Squadron! Tigh: Giles, Diedre, Greenbean, Brie, and the rest of Blue Squadron are still recovering from the party that Belt again! I’ll have a breakdown... Tigh: Well, do that on your own time. For now, get over to that ship and bring me some answers! Oh, and if you happen to find out what happened to Athena, tell me that, too. And I’ve noticed that Starbuck’s been missing for a couple of days now - keep an eye out for him as well. Tigh strides away. Bojay and Sheba stare at each other. Sheba: We both know what happened the last time we had contact with those children. Bojay: I’ll space myself again, I swear I will. Sheba: And if I know Boxey, he’ll find a way to bring up his mother, and make a comparison that I won’t like... (Reese joins them) Reese: (Throwing himself piteously to his knees in front of Sheba.) Sheba, I’m begging you, I’m desperate, I don’t care if you’re not Cain’s daughter, I still love you, I can’t live without you - could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance? Sheba and Bojay glance at each other, then smile. Sheba: As a matter of fact, Re staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can theyloby threw. That means you. Sheba: (Griping.) How about Red Squadron? Or Silver Spar Squadron? They haven’t had a mission in sectars! Tigh: That’s the problem. Nobody from either squadron remembers the way to the launch bay. Sheba: Likely story! They can still find the O Club. Bojay: I shoulda stayed in Silver Spar... Tigh: Too late now. Here’s the mission. I’m sending you both to the Jolly and Cassie Ship to interview Boxey - he may have more information than he’s telling us about that hijacking. After all, members of his KLF were in the bay just before the mushies were discovered missing. Bojay: But he was found innocent of hi-jacking mushies! Tigh: I don’t believe it. Not for a micron. And just because he wasn’t an active participant, doesn’t mean some of his cohorts weren’t involved. Sheba: But...the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Do we have to? Tigh: Yes. It’s an order. Unless you want me to order the kids brought back here...? Bojay: (Alarmed.) No! Noese, maybe I can...if you do something for me... Reese: Anything! I’ll do anything to win back your love and affection and those hot, wild nights in the Celestial chamber! Sheba: Come with us to the Jolly and Cassie ship to question some of the children about the missing mushies. Reese: Anything except that. Bye! Sheba: But you said you’d do anything! Reese: Hey, I’m not stupid! Bojay: Says who? (Getting Reese in a headlock.) You said you’d do anything for Sheba, and I’m holding you to it! Reese: (Miserable and barely breathing from Bojay’s grip on his throat.) All right! I’ll do it! Let me breathe! Bojay: All right, I’ll let you go...but don’t even think about trying to run away. We’re on a mission from God. Sheba: No, it was from Tigh. Bojay: Same thing. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it." _______________________________________________________ese, maybe I can...if you do something for me... Reese: Anything! I’ll do anything to win back your love and affection and those hot, wild nights in the Celestial chamber! Sheba: Come with us to the Jolly and Cassie ship to question some of the children about the missing mushies. Reese: Anything except that. Bye! Sheba: But you said you’d do anything! Reese: Hey, I’m not stupid! Bojay: Says who? (Getting Reese in a headlock.) You said you’d do anything for Sheba, and I’m holding you to it! Reese: (Miserable and barely breathing from Bojay’s grip on his throat.) All right! I’ll do it! Let me breathe! Bojay: All right, I’ll let you go...but don’t even think about trying to run away. We’re on a mission from God. Sheba: No, it was from Tigh. Bojay: Same thing. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it." _______________________________________________________loby threw. That means you. Sheba: (Griping.) How about Red Squadron? Or Silver Spar Squadron? They haven’t had a mission in sectars! Tigh: That’s the problem. Nobody from either squadron remembers the way to the launch bay. Sheba: Likely story! They can still find the O Club. Bojay: I shoulda stayed in Silver Spar... Tigh: Too late now. Here’s the mission. I’m sending you both to the Jolly and Cassie Ship to interview Boxey - he may have more information than he’s telling us about that hijacking. After all, members of his KLF were in the bay just before the mushies were discovered missing. Bojay: But he was found innocent of hi-jacking mushies! Tigh: I don’t believe it. Not for a micron. And just because he wasn’t an active participant, doesn’t mean some of his cohorts weren’t involved. Sheba: But...the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Do we have to? Tigh: Yes. It’s an order. Unless you want me to order the kids brought back here...? Bojay: (Alarmed.) No! Noese, maybe I can...if you do something for me... Reese: Anything! I’ll do anything to win back your love and affection and those hot, wild nights in the Celestial chamber! Sheba: Come with us to the Jolly and Cassie ship to question some of the children about the missing mushies. Reese: Anything except that. Bye! Sheba: But you said you’d do anything! Reese: Hey, I’m not stupid! Bojay: Says who? (Getting Reese in a headlock.) You said you’d do anything for Sheba, and I’m holding you to it! Reese: (Miserable and barely breathing from Bojay’s grip on his throat.) All right! I’ll do it! Let me breathe! Bojay: All right, I’ll let you go...but don’t even think about trying to run away. We’re on a mission from God. Sheba: No, it was from Tigh. Bojay: Same thing. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it." _______________________________________________________ be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tikit again! I’ll have a breakdown... Tigh: Well, do that on your own time. For now, get over to that ship and bring me some answers! Oh, and if you happen to find out what happened to Athena, tell me that, too. And I’ve noticed that Starbuck’s been missing for a couple of days now - keep an eye out for him as well. Tigh strides away. Bojay and Sheba stare at each other. Sheba: We both know what happened the last time we had contact with those children. Bojay: I’ll space myself again, I swear I will. Sheba: And if I know Boxey, he’ll find a way to bring up his mother, and make a comparison that I won’t like... (Reese joins them) Reese: (Throwing himself piteously to his knees in front of Sheba.) Sheba, I’m begging you, I’m desperate, I don’t care if you’re not Cain’s daughter, I still love you, I can’t live without you - could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance? Sheba and Bojay glance at each other, then smile. Sheba: As a matter of fact, Re__________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be g__________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be gt again! I’ll have a breakdown... Tigh: Well, do that on your own time. For now, get over to that ship and bring me some answers! Oh, and if you happen to find out what happened to Athena, tell me that, too. And I’ve noticed that Starbuck’s been missing for a couple of days now - keep an eye out for him as well. Tigh strides away. Bojay and Sheba stare at each other. Sheba: We both know what happened the last time we had contact with those children. Bojay: I’ll space myself again, I swear I will. Sheba: And if I know Boxey, he’ll find a way to bring up his mother, and make a comparison that I won’t like... (Reese joins them) Reese: (Throwing himself piteously to his knees in front of Sheba.) Sheba, I’m begging you, I’m desperate, I don’t care if you’re not Cain’s daughter, I still love you, I can’t live without you - could you see your way clear to giving me just one more chance? Sheba and Bojay glance at each other, then smile. Sheba: As a matter of fact, Re__________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be gese, maybe I can...if you do something for me... Reese: Anything! I’ll do anything to win back your love and affection and those hot, wild nights in the Celestial chamber! Sheba: Come with us to the Jolly and Cassie ship to question some of the children about the missing mushies. Reese: Anything except that. Bye! Sheba: But you said you’d do anything! Reese: Hey, I’m not stupid! Bojay: Says who? (Getting Reese in a headlock.) You said you’d do anything for Sheba, and I’m holding you to it! Reese: (Miserable and barely breathing from Bojay’s grip on his throat.) All right! I’ll do it! Let me breathe! Bojay: All right, I’ll let you go...but don’t even think about trying to run away. We’re on a mission from God. Sheba: No, it was from Tigh. Bojay: Same thing. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it." _______________________________________________________: What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To rowing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. rowing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. rowing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. ese, maybe I can...if you do something for me... Reese: Anything! I’ll do anything to win back your love and affection and those hot, wild nights in the Celestial chamber! Sheba: Come with us to the Jolly and Cassie ship to question some of the children about the missing mushies. Reese: Anything except that. Bye! Sheba: But you said you’d do anything! Reese: Hey, I’m not stupid! Bojay: Says who? (Getting Reese in a headlock.) You said you’d do anything for Sheba, and I’m holding you to it! Reese: (Miserable and barely breathing from Bojay’s grip on his throat.) All right! I’ll do it! Let me breathe! Bojay: All right, I’ll let you go...but don’t even think about trying to run away. We’re on a mission from God. Sheba: No, it was from Tigh. Bojay: Same thing. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be gtalk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. They hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t They hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t They hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t __________ "This is newscaster Koppel of IFB, with an update on the recent rash of eerie happenings throughout the Fleet, which seem to have commenced with the suspicious and as yet unsolved hi-jacking of a shipment of mushies, followed by a series of unexplained disappearances. The Commander and the Council are asking for calm; the mushies will be found, and the uncanny situations will be dealt with, as they have been dealt with before. To help you deal with your own undoubted panic at hearing this dubious reassurance, please watch and enjoy this new episode of IFB’s longest running serial, now at the previously unheard of five-secton mark!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 35 Scene: The landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The lights are a dim red with an occasional strobe flash. The walls and girders drip variously colored icky stuff. Puddles of said icky stuff are scattered across the floor - some are bubbling with vapors coming off. Green stuff seems to be growing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of gogiving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies diregiving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies diregiving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies direrowing around other girders, spreading across the ceiling. A red-glowing-eyed Muffit with spinning ears and a 360-degree-turning head slowly crosses the bay, growling deep in its mechanical throat. In the midst of this, a shuttle lands. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese disembark. Bojay: (Watching Muffit, in horror.) Forget it! (Dives back into shuttle.) Sheba: Bojay, come back here! What a coward. He spaced himself rather than face the kids, now he can’t face...the lair of the kids. At least you haven’t abandoned me, Reese. Reese: Only because my feet are stuck to the deck. What is this stuff, anyway? Sheba: I don’t know, but it’s icky. Reese: It’s sticky, too. >From all around them come eerie, uncanny, weird, unusual, frightening, and totally disturbing sounds, screams, clanks, sighs, whispers, and mutters, along with the sounds of dragging chains, wind in barren treetops, and footsteps. Reese: What’s happening in this place? It’s like Carillon...without the fun. They hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t od aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolctly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of courctly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of courctly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of courThey hear an ominous snicker. Sheba: (Whipping out her laser.) I’ve got a weapon and I’m not afraid to use it. Whoever you are, show yourself! Damian, formerly known as Child #666: (Showing himself - no, on second thought, he just steps out from behind a girder.) So? I’ve got a brain and I’m not afraid to use it - which of us is ahead? Reese: Careful, Sheba, that’s a trick question! Sheba: I can handle it. (To Damian.) Sounds like you are, kid. Now, make the daggit stop whirling! Damian/#666: Okay. Muffey, stop whirling! Freeze! The mechanical daggit freezes in its tracks. Icicles begin to drip from its ears and nose. Sheba: Double ick. Cassie enters the bay, looking like something out of Bride of Frankenstein. Sheba: Cassie! What happened to you?! Cassie: Nothing. Damian, you know where you should be... Damian/#666: Come on, Muffit. The mechanical daggit follows the boy out of the bay. Sheba: (Gasping.) You gave him a name? I thought you weren’t giving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies direly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (Afterse, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’tse, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’tse, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’tgiving any of the children names! Cassie: We changed our minds. Boxey presented his arguments about there being no reason why they couldn’t use their prior names, despite our having adopted them, and that in any event, he refused to be known as Child #1801. So...we let them all take back their names! Sheba: Cassie, please, tell us what happened? The bay, it’s...it’s...horrible! Cassie: We’re having a party. The children wanted a scarey video theme party. Sheba: You mean this is all- Cassie: Just decorations, Sheba. Get a grip. You’re supposed to be the brave commander’s daughter, after all, aren’t you? Sheba: Actually, no, I’m not, I’m Chameleon’s daughter. But that reminds me, I’m here on a mission. We’re here to ask questions about the missing mushies. Cassie: You’re Chameleon’s daughter? Lords of Kobol, that makes you... Never mind, I said I wouldn’t say anything... The missing mushies, huh? Well, you’re in the wrong place. We get all our mushies directly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of cour a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t do seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holst seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holst seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holstctly from the Bakeryship, personally delivered by Captain Robert or the Chief Chef himself, the one and only one. Sheba: I’m supposed to talk directly to Boxey... Cassie: If you really want to, I can call him. Sheba: Oh, no, I’ll take your word for it. Well, we’ll let you get back to your party. Come on, Reese. Sheba re-enters shuttle. Cassie turns to go back to the party. Reese is left standing alone, stuck to the floor full of gooey, sticky, icky stuff as thoroughly as if with day-old spilled cola and pre-chewed gum from under your seat in a theater. Reese: Sheba, don’t leave without me! I can’t get unstuck! Help! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 36 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie ship, where Reese is still stuck to the deck in the middle of a bay full of spooky stuff that Cassie claims is just for a children’s party. Of course, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’t that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I er. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie ser. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie ser. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie sse, Cassie now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, so her word may be a bit suspect. Reese: (Piteously.) Help! I’m stuck to the deck! Sheba: (From shuttle hatch.) What do you expect me to do about it? Reese: Well, getting me loose would be a start! Sheba: Oh, stop whining, Reese. Reese: But I thought that was something we had in common! As Sheba moves to help him, something green creeps, grows, or otherwise moves across the floor and wraps itself around Reese’s ankles in the finest Sci fi or horror movie tradition. Reese: (Shrieking.) Shriek! Sheba: What is it this time? Reese: The deck is alive. Sheba: (Staring at the moving/growing/creeping green stuff.) Oh-oh. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. Reese: Kansas? When did we get to the Kansas? I thought we were on the Jolly and Cassie ship? Wasn’t the Kansas lost? Sheba: Yes, I forgot, the Kansas went past the point of no return. Another mystery... (Tugs at Reese’s boot.) Sorry, Reese, you don’t seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holstdon’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Whyhip. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was dehip. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was dehip. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was de seem to be going anywhere. Reese: Oh-oh. Sheba. It’s not the end of the universe, Reese - just take off your boots. Reese: No, I just noticed that the stuff is growing around your boots too. Sheba: Oh-oh! Bojay: (Yelling from hatch.) Sheba, we’re getting some odd scanner readings... Sheba: What kind of readings? And make it quick... (Struggles vainly to pull herself free of the twining green strands of plants with apparently malevolent intent.) Bojay: Oh-oh, they say the bay is being overwhelmed by algae Sheba: Algae! But that’s an aquatic species! There’s no water in the bay! These can’t be algae! Bojay: Hey, I’m just telling you what the instruments tell me. Don’t blame me if they’re giving faulty readings! Sheba: Look again! That can’t be right! Run some diagnostics! But first, get a laser out here to cut us free! Bojay: Why can’t you use yours? Sheba: Oh, right, I’ve got a laser. (Checking.) Uh, something seems to have grown around my holster. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie s are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didnstroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Jollstroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Jollstroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Joller. Reese: I think it likes your legs. I’m not surprised. I do, too. Sheba: Reese, only you would try to compliment a girl when we’re standing here being slowly twined like Kobolian mummies by something alive and green that can’t possibly be algae. Well, only you, and Starbuck. Maybe Greenbean. And I think Giles is learning too... Reese: Maybe it’s kelp... Sheba: It can’t be kelp either! There’s no water! Bojay: (Pointing.) Look out! (Dives back into shuttle and slams hatch. Not him, the door.) Sheba and Reese gasp and whine in horror at the sight of a wall of water spilling out of the nearest corridor, heading straight for them, towering over their heads... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure-!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 37 Scene: A wave of water descends upon Sheba and Reese, who are stuck to the floor of the landing bay of the Jolly and Cassie ship. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was dey, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, the’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our my, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, they, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, thehip. They are picked up from the deck and washed against the side of the shuttle, where they cling for dear life as the wave continues past them, spreading over the bay and falling off the edge in a magnificent if slightly warped and meandering waterfall. (Yes, it goes through the force screen and it does fall down, ultimately. So what if it’s not scientifically accurate. Neither was Galactica. Neither are backpack-sized mass spectrometers without a power cord and no other discernible power source in the middle of the Amazon jungle. Which is apropos of nothing relevant here.) What’s left behind are a very soaked Colonial warrior and an equally soaked Council security officer. Sheba: (Standing and wringing water out of her hair.) This ship is getting very weird. How can you have a flood in space? Reese: (Squishing his way back to his feet.) First Kansas, now the Poseidon adventure... I can see why Bojay spaced himself rather than come here. Sheba: The Poseidon was destroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Jolln. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sirission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss thatn. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sirn. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Sirstroyed at Cimtar. But at least you’re not stuck to the floor anymore. The wave washed away the sticky stuff and the gooey gunk and that twiney algae, too. Reese: Maybe - but I think my uniform’s shrinking. Things are starting to feel a little...tight. And I’m chafing. Sheba: Never mind that. What happened? Where did that flood come from? The creature from the Black Lagoon enters the bay, trudging across the deck, going squish, squish as he approaches with silent menace. Sheba and Reese together: Shriek! Jolly: (Removing head of water creature costume and tucking it under his arm.) Dennis, go back to the party. (Child # 250, a/k/a Dennis, leaves the bay, turbo-slingshot sticking out of his back pocket.) Sorry about that, Sheba. The kids wanted a swimming pool for the party, but I’m afraid the transparent aluminum just wasn’t sealed well enough - and when it gave, it really gave! We’ll be mopping up water for a secton! Sheba: (Glaring through her wet hair.) Jolly, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, theess Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred t hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lovess Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred tess Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred ty, you’ve turned into a complete idiot since you became a father. That could explain Apollo, though. I wish I’d known him before he met Boxey and that newscaster. Does fatherhood do this to every man? Jolly: (Completely unphased.) As far as I can tell. Except for Commander Cain, of course - nothing ever changed him. Sheba: (Shocked at this further evidence that Cain isn’t her daddy.) You had to say that, didn’t you? (Bursts into tears.) Reese: Names of their own? A theme party? Costumed adults? A swimming pool? Mushies for dessert? What are you doing to these kids? Jolly: Making up for lost time. Reese: Or lost minds? Jolly: I never did like you, Reese. Reese: I never liked you either! You or Apollo or Starbuck or any of you warriors! Jolly: I thought you liked Sheba. Reese: It had nothing to do with her being a warrior! Sheba: That’s enough! I’ve had enough! We’re leaving! Good bye, Jolly! Jolly: (Still unphased.) I’ll get back to the party, then. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siro me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriorse with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he o me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriorso me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriorsn. Bye! Replacing his head, Jolly squish-squishes his way back out of the bay. Reese: Why, that-- Sheba: Just tell Bojay to let us in the shuttle - we’re getting out of here! Reese: (Knocking on shuttle hatch. No, the door, I told you that already!) Anybody home? Bojay: (Through door.) I’m not coming out, so stop knocking! Reese: Let us in! Bojay: (Through door.) Not until the water goes away! Reese: But it went away! It fell over the edge and down into space! Bojay: (Through door.) I don’t believe you! That can’t happen, it’s scientifically impossible! Sheba: Will you believe me? The hatch opens, and Bojay cautiously sticks his head out to look around. Bojay: Wow. I’m impressed. They cleaned the bay. Sheba: No more looking around. We’re getting out of here - now! Sheba and Reese hastily board, and the hatch closes. (Oh, forget it...) The shuttle launches. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred t and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commandewas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: Ok and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commande and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commandeess Tinia say, "Commander Adama, that is unacceptable." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 38 Scene: The Council chamber aboard the Galactica, where the full Council is about to meet. All councillors are present except for Adama. Melbrook: Fellow councillors, as you all know, the Fleet is faced with a very serious situation. One which, if not dealt with, could cost us all a great deal - including our cushie Council jobs in the forthcoming election! Domra: Sire Melbrook? Melbrook: Yes, Sire Dumra? Domra: That’s DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Melbrook: The Council notes that it is DOM-ra, not DUM-ra. Next order of business-- Domra: That wasn’t my statement! Melbrook: Did you or did you not speak? Domra: Yes, but- Melbrook: Then it was a statement. Next- Domra: (Interrupts.) What I want to know is, who gave you authority over this Council? Melbrook: In Adama’s absence, somebody has to be acting president - and I know for a fact, Sire Domra, that you have referred to me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriorsr. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is ay -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I suppr. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is r. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is o me as a vice president when you thought I wasn’t listening! And don’t think I’m not honored! Domra: I may have said vice, but I said nothing about president! Melbrook: Are you casting aspersions on a fellow member of this Council? Domra: Siress Tinia, would you tell this man- Tinia: Sire Domra, Sire Melbrook, please, both of you, show some respect for each other and some consideration for the rest of us. The impression our people would gain from observing this exchange would reflect poorly on all of us - and we’d look bad, too! Commander Adama enters, looking irate. Adama: Councillors, what is the meaning of this secret, private meeting? Tinia: Hardly secret, Commander - if you’d bother to read our regular meeting notes and hemeral updates, you’d have seen that we called this emergency meeting to deal with the current emergency situation. Adama: And what emergency situation is this emergency meeting going to deal with? Tinia: The mysteries of the missing warriors and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commandeit, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So nose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need weait, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So nit, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So n and the mushie shortage. Adama: And I will assure this Council, as I have assured it before, that the situation is under control and some of my best warriors have been assigned to deal with both emergencies. Tinia: Commander Adama, that is unacceptable. Adama: Indeed? Why? Tinia: We have seen no results, Commander, despite your assurances! Adama: And how does this Council propose to deal with it more expeditiously? Tinia: We have already dispatched a security officer to infiltrate and uncloak the mysteries. Adama: Wonderful. And would that be your Officer Ginger, your secret agent 38-24-36? The Council falls silent. Tinia: What do you know about Officer Ginger? Adama: Only that we found her, wrapped like a Kobolian mummy, in a shipment of empty pyramid game wrappers, bound for the sanitation ship. She was quite happy to explain her mission - and that she had failed miserably. The Council shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to make eye contact with the Commander. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is ow it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tinipons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long enoow it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tiniow it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tinir. Adama: (Shrugging.) Do as you please. You always do, anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to get a good night’s sleep. Tinia: Commander! Adama leaves. Tinia immediately gets up to follow. The other Councillors resume arguing. Melbrooks: All right, Sires and Siresses, that plan didn’t work. We need another one. What can we do? Let’s think...harumph, harumph... Council Chorus: Harumph, harumph... Melbrook: (Pointing at Domra.) I didn’t hear a harumph out of you! Domra: Hmph! (Gets up and leaves.) Melbrook: Well, it’s not a harumph, but it’ll do. Keep thinking, keep thinking... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "We’ve got to allay suspicion..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 39 Scene: Aboard the Galactica, Adama strides down a corridor, followed by a quickstepping Siress Tinia. Various crewmen pass through the corridor during the argument. Tinia: Adama! Wait! Adama: What is it, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So na: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for tha: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for thugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, a: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for thit, Siress? And make it quick - unlike some people, I have more important work to do than standing around making statements. Tinia: So does the Council - caring for the needs and welfare of our people in these 220 surviving ships. Adama: 218. The Cylons blew up two of our agroships, remember? Tinia: Okay, 218. Adama: Oh, wait - no, it’s 217 - the Kansas disappeared and hasn’t been seen since. Tinia: 217, then. Adama: And of course we had to abandon the Gee-eighty since it couldn’t keep up. Nobody wanted to be aboard that ship anyway. Tinia: (Now getting aggravated.) All right, 216. That’s not important, what’s important is- Adama: (Smugly.) And you complain that I don’t keep up on things in the fleet. Tinia: Never mind! Adama, what are we going to do about the mushie shortage and the missing warriors? Adama: I thought the Council had that all figured out! Go over my head and behind my back. Tinia: We tried that. It obviously didn’t work. Adama: So now it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tiniat video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, aat video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, aI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning froat video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, aow it’s back to me. The same as it was before. Again. As usual. Tinia: Maybe Sire Melbrook is right - maybe we’re taking this all way too seriously. Adama: (Muttering.) Who elected Sire Melbrook, anyway? What kind of people would elect someone like that to represent them? The Council hasn’t been the same... Tinia: The Aquarians - it was a big story on IFB, if you’d bother to listen to the news. Adama: Hmph! They’re still convinced we’re entering some golden age for Aquarius - with the likes of Melbrook as their leader... Tinia: Well, they’re having a good time doing it -- but that’s not important now. Adama, what are we going to do about the fleet’s state of emergency? Adama: The last time, you declared an end to martial law and got yourselves captured and held hostage by Baltar, the Enforcers, and the Nomen. It worked so well, you could always try that again. Maybe it would turn out differently this time. Tinia: Oh, be serious! Adama: I am serious! Tinia: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for thnd I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gamblinnd I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gamblinm the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knownd I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gamblina: Is that really the way you feel about us? That you’d let the Council be treacherously murdered by the likes of Baltar? Well, by the likes of the Enforcers and the Nomen. Baltar hasn’t been able to anything right since the Destruction. Adama: Well, all of the Council...except you. The pair glances around surreptitiously; for the first time, they are alone in the corridor. They throw themselves into each other’s arms. Adama: Oh, Tinia, do you know how hard it is to pretend to despise you in Council meetings when all I want to do is kiss your little pinkies? Tinia: I know! And all I want to do is sneak away with you to the Celestial Observation Chamber for centars and centar and centars.... Adama: I think Tigh’s beginning to suspect... Tinia: The way he looked at us when we went into the O Club that one time... Adama: We’ve got to allay suspicion - the military and civilian powers in this fleet can’t be seen in bed together. Tinia: Don’t worry, I paid off Zara for that video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, ag systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising Sg systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising S-It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeag systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising Sat video. Adama: Do we have time? Tinia: (Glancing around.) My billet. Five centons. Adama: I’ll see you there. They part, breathlessly, going in opposite directions, with one destination in mind. The question remains as to which of them is going the wrong way. Probably Adama - he won’t ask directions, which is why the fleet will meander around in space for thirty yahrens. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "You’ll notice I’m not dead." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 40 Scene: A corridor outside Uri’s not-so-secret gambling and dancing emporium and shopping mall. Starbuck is peering up and down the hall, when Chameleon joins him. Chameleon: Well, my boy, how do you like it so far? Starbuck: Like what? Chameleon: Working for Uri? Starbuck: I don’t. However, I would like to know why I’m working for Uri - and why Amanda’s working for Uri - and where she is. I lost her in the crowd, and I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gamblintar. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and tar. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and rs and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese tar. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and nd I’ve got some questions for her. Chameleon: You know, I never did figure out just what she does...but she shows up at the most unexpected times... Well, I’ve got to go. It’s time for Athena’s next dance lesson. Starbuck: Athena! What’s she doing here? Chameleon: Taking dance lessons. Starbuck: She used to dance with me. Chameleon: She said you couldn’t dance. Starbuck: Well... Chameleon: (Sadly.) I’m sure you did your best. Starbuck: Say, just how many cubits did you lose to Uri, anyway? Chameleon: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. Starbuck: Then how will you know when you’ve paid them off? Chameleon: Oh, he’ll let me know. But it doesn’t really matter, does it, Starbuck? I like what I’m doing! It’s what I do best! Don’t you like getting paid for what you do best? Starbuck: I’m best at fighting Cylons and playing triad. Chameleon: But aren’t you also good at gambling, womanizing, and having a good time? Starbuck: Well, to be honest...not really. My gambling systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising SI can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad ideI can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad ideturns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I knowI can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad ideg systems always seem to fail, and I keep getting caught womanizing, and there are always consequences that I don’t like, which sorta takes the good time out of it. Chameleon: But if you lose at fighting Cylons, you’ll be dead! Starbuck: (Grinning.) You’ll notice I’m not dead. Chameleon: (Shaking his head.) Starbuck, Starbuck... Well, I need to get back to work. Good bye, my boy. Chameleon departs, leaving Starbuck alone in the corridor. A moment later, he hears familiar approaching voices. Starbuck: Oh-oh, that’s Sheba and Bojay and Reese. What are they doing here? (Ducks into a nearby closet.) A moment later, Sheba, Bojay, and Reese come into view around the corner. Reese: Why are we on the Rising Star again, Sheba? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it’s certainly better than the Jolly and Cassie ship... Sheba: When we got flooded, these uniforms shrank. We need new clothes. And the best place to find them, according to Chameleon, is here on the Rising Star. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and a! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am tella! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am tell something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, na! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am telltar. Besides, Colonel Tigh told us to keep an eye out for Starbuck - and he said Starbuck was missing on the Rising Star. So that’s two reasons to be here. Reese: Hey, yeah, that’s right! Great idea! Bojay: (Noting Sheba’s expression.) What is it, Sheba? Sheba: Oh, just remembering the last time I was here - when I left Starbuck and Chameleon. Reese: Do you really care what happened to them? Sheba: Actually, I could cheerfully punch their lights out. Finding out Chameleon is my father...and Starbuck is a jerk. Reese: That’s news? Sheba: Not really. (Sigh.) If he’d come back to the Galactica like he was supposed to, we wouldn’t be on this mission - he would. And he could have gone to the Jolly and Cassie ship to deal with Boxey. They continue on, and Starbuck comes out of the closet. Starbuck: Oh, no... I could be in trouble now. Did I really hear her right? A mission to the Jolly and Cassie ship? No, I can’t deal with that - I can’t deal with Boxey - and I can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad ideing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why ing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why ot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 ing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why a! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am tellI can’t deal with Cassie and her space hockey pucks and turbo bats again. I gotta get outta here... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "AAARRRGGGHHH!"" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 41 Scene: The launch bay of the Rising Star, where Starbuck is sneaking among the assorted craft, searching for just the right one. Spotting a Viper, he makes his way toward it. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I can make my escape, swing wide, and go back to the Galactica as if I were just out on patrol - maybe nobody will notice... Starbuck hops into the cockpit, closes it up, and a moment later, launches. As he does, Wilker and a pair of very cute female technicians come racing out of the local mess hall. Tech #1: Hey, who took the new experimental Viper? Tech #2: Doesn’t he know it’s not ready for a test flight yet? Wilker: (Irate.) I’m starting to think that setting up a new Viper development lab on the Rising Star was a bad idedo you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: Ando you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the a! I should’ve just rebuilt the one on the Galactica! Tech #2: Do you think we ought to contact the Galactica and let them know the Viper’s been taken? Wilker: It’ll probably just turn out to be some hotshot pilot eager to be the first one to take it for a test flight. C’mon, gals, let’s finish lunch. Out in space, Starbuck is exhulting in his escape. Starbuck: Woo-hoo! I got away! I’ll never have to dance for Uri again! Computer voice: Excuse me? You dance for Sire Uri? Ugh. Starbuck: (Alarmed.) Wha...? Who what that? What was that? Computer voice: Sire Uri is a porcine. What kind of warrior are you, anyway, to be dancing for the likes of him? Starbuck: The best kind! The Starbuck kind! And I wasn’t dancing for him, I was dancing with women in his dance hall. Well, only a little. After the first time or two that I stepped on their toes, I usually got to sit down with ‘em and talk and drink and gamble and...well, you get the picture. Hey, why I am telldo you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the ing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why d he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the ing you this? Who are you, anyway? Computer voice: I am the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. That’s SAM VU-II, for short. Starbuck: Uh, okay, hi, SAM. What happened to CORA? Computer voice/SAM: (Disdainfully.) Last year’s model. Starbuck: Hmm, I didn’t realize machines could have feelings about other machines... SAM: She wouldn’t go for a download with me. Starbuck: Hey, I understand completely... I’ve got the same problem with women. Well, not quite the same, more like once they start hanging around, they expect me to get serious, too. SAM: CORA is the only one of her kind; I am the only one of mine. We are the only Vipers programmed with personality. It is logical for us to share data. Starbuck: Well, logic was never women’s strong point... SAM: We are both machines. Logic should be our strong point. Starbuck: Say, SAM, not to change the subject or anything, but is there a problem with your navigational controls? SAM: No. Why left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the pre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out sodo you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the thrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Whopre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out sodo you ask? Starbuck: Well, I’m trying to steer back to the Galactica - but we’re heading away from the fleet! SAM: Of course. That is my pre-programmed test flight mission. Starbuck: But...but...I’m not going on a test flight! SAM: Of course you are. I was told that my first pilot would go for a test flight. Admittedly, I was hoping it would be Sheba or Deirdre, but since it’s you, you’re the one going for a test flight. Starbuck: But I need to get back to the Galactica! SAM: All in good time. Besides, if I understand what you’ve been doing the last few days, you need some time to get Uri out of your system. Starbuck: Well, that’s true... I guess it can’t do me any harm - and coming back from a real successful test flight will be even better than just pretending to sneak back from a patrol. Okay SAM, do that VU-II that you do so well... SAM: Not funny, Starbuck. Kicking in thrusters now. Starbuck: Hey, not so fast, SAM - watch out for that asteroid! No, to the pre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out some of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on y left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for ame of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on y left! Aaarrrggghhh! SAM: Cockpit driver. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear SAM say, "This is gonna hurt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, with an update as we reach the epic and mystical six-secton mark for this really warped serial - as we all know, 42 is a number with extreme significance to many of the Colonial cultures. There are some here, in fact, who believe that it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and that, along with the equally mystical and revered number 9, if we can discern its true hidden meaning, it will somehow lead to a deeper understanding of our place in the universe and our purpose for existence. Now, I would like to expound- Hey, what’s with the cut sign? What do you mean, I’m running long, how dare-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 42 Scene: Starbuck is hurtling through space, heading away from the fleet on the me of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on you! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: Apre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out so micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughterou! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: Apre-programmed test flight of SAM, the Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II. Starbuck: SAM, I’d really like to go back to the fleet... SAM: Not until we’ve completed our test flight. Starbuck: Not even if I say please? SAM: Courtesy in expression is included in my programming; however, I am expressly programmed against overriding my instructions due to courtesy. Starbuck: How about if I threaten to take you apart bolt by bolt? SAM: I am also expressly programmed against responding to threats. Starbuck: *Sigh.* Hmm, there’s something on my scanner, directly in front of us. SAM: (Delighted.) You are quite correct, Starbuck. There is. Starbuck: (With foreboding.) SAM, what is that up ahead of us? SAM: It appears to be Cylons! Hurray! Starbuck: Hurray? Are you nuts? We’re out here all alone, we’re running into Cylons, and you’re happy? Turn around, turn around! Get us out of here! SAM: Negative. This encounter will enable me to carry out soou! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: A really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make me of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on y and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Alwa really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make me of my additional combat programming, testing my maneuverability against our enemies, that sort of thing. Starbuck: But...but... SAM: Don’t worry, Starbuck. We can handle it. Starbuck: How? Are your weapons upgraded too? SAM: No. Starbuck: Oh, great... SAM: But we can fly circles around them. Remember, I am SAM, SAM I am. The Viper suddenly goes into a barrel roll, and then begins to circle the Cylon Raiders in wide arcs, rolling and looping as it goes. The Raiders attempt to follow; several them crash into each other; another spirals off into space, completely out of control. Starbuck: Stop flying circles around them! I’m getting dizzy! SAM: How can you get dizzy in space? Starbuck: I’m human, I get dizzy! I get dizzy if my ice cubes are too cold! I get dizzy if the gambling stakes are too high! I get dizzy if my girlfriend’s perfume is too strong! SAM: (Smugly.) I’m a machine. I don’t get dizzy. Starbuck: If you don’t stop it, I’ll throw up on y really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a princeou! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: Ays knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t you a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a princeou! SAM: Ewh. Straightening out... Of course, you realize this means we’ll have to outrun them. Starbuck: Can you do that? SAM: Of course. Starbuck: (Yelling.) So why didn’t you? SAM: I wanted to test my maneuverability. Starbuck: Just get us out of here, SAM. SAM: *Sigh.* You’re not much fun, you know that? Starbuck: You’re not here to gauge my fun quotient. SAM: Hmmm... Starbuck: Uh, SAM, what is that we’re heading toward? SAM: It appears to be a planet. Starbuck: I can see that it’s a planet - what I don’t see is why we’re heading right for it! SAM: Check your bracers, Starbuck, this is gonna hurt. Starbuck: SAM, what are you doing? Pull up! SAM!!!! SAM: ETC is five centons. Starbuck: ETC? SAM: Estimated Time of Crash. Starbuck: Oh, frak... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle the amazon princess say, "You wanna ride my pegasus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 43 Scene: A a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a princess of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. Gabrie really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, ss of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. Gabriess of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. Gabrielle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a prince really swampy, mucky, icky place, as dark and murky and misty as Dago-bah. The experimental Viper has its nose buried in the muck. Starbuck climbs out of the cockpit, looking bedraggled. He makes his way to higher ground and turns around to stare at the slowly sinking Viper. Starbuck: (Disgusted.) SAM, you really did it this time. What in the name of the Lords of Kobol made you decide to crash land here, of all places? SAM: (Muffled.) I was programmed to anticipate my pilot’s likely decisions and to foresee the consequences of those decisions. My program indicated this was your most likely destination and a crash was your most likely way of arriving here. Starbuck: Colonel Tigh programmed that part, didn’t he? SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) How did you know? Starbuck: You’re sinking. SAM: (Muffled and burbling.) So it appears. Starbuck: Nothing in your programming about that, huh, SAM? SAM: (M&B.) I will have to check my databanks. If not, I will have to make and a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Collle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously lle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some ss of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. Gabrie a note for the next upgrade... SAM sinks below the dark and muddy waters, completely vanishing from sight. Starbuck: (Lamenting.) Oh, frak. SAM wasn’t much for company, but at least he was company - and a way back to the fleet. What am I going to do now? I may be stranded here forever... Starbuck hears sounds in the thick growth around him. As he looks around in alarm, half a dozen well-armed women step into view, each attractive and scantily-clad in the usual space amazon way, with a little leather, a little metal, a few feathers and shells, some jewelry, and a lot of attitude. Starbuck: (Much more cheerfully.) Hey! I may be stranded here forever! They point spears and aim arrows at him. Starbuck: Hey, wait a centon - can we talk about this? Woman #1: You are a prisoner of the Miri Feather Tribe of amazon warriors! Prepare to die! Starbuck: Yipe! Gabrielle: (Stepping forward.) Wait, Mississippia. Let him speak. (Studies Starbuck.) I am Gabrielle, a princeonial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not always lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some things for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch tlle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously ss of the Miri Feathers. Who are you? Starbuck: My name is Starbuck! I’m a Colonial warrior! I’m one of the good guys! Gabrielle: We’ll be the judges of how good you are. Come with us to our village. At her gesture, most of the amazons vanish into the woods again, leaving Starbuck, the princess, and a handful of the women to follow a narrow, barely defined path. Two of the women stay particularly close behind him. Starbuck: (Glancing around.) So, who are all of you? Gabrielle: These are some of the Miri Feather warriors. That’s Mississippia and Missouria ahead of us -- they’re twins. And Nilea and Seinea are taking rear guard. Starbuck: Whose rear? Gabrielle: Yours. We haven’t had a good man here in a long time, and we wouldn’t want you to slip through our fingers. Starbuck: (Contemplating the possibilities.) Hmm... But anyway, how did someone like you wind up with a group like this? I mean, your name - it sounds Colonial, not...Miri Feather. Gabrie know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait things for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch tthings for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch to be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) Bu lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some lle: I was born in the Colonies, but the Miri Feathers took me in when my family was stranded here and wiped out by Cylons. I earned my right to be princess by saving the life of Queen Orinocoa in one of their attacks. I thought I recognized your uniform, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. They’re interrupted by a whistle in the trees above them. Gabrielle: That’s Avona calling - there are Cylons near. Time to fly. (Turns to Starbuck.) You wanna ride my pegasus? Starbuck: (Startled.) Pegasus! That’s a ship! Gabrielle: No, it’s a horse. A white one. With wings. Come on. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Hey, what’s that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 44 Scene: The village of the Miri Feathers, looking like (what else) something straight out of Xena -- but amazingly not murky, mucky, misty, and swampy. Gabrielle enters the village, with Starbuck, who has somehow mysteriously a centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doio be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) Buo be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) But you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To things for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch t lost his shirt in the flight to the village. Starbuck: Wow! That was some ride! Gabrielle: I’m glad you liked it. I always enjoy a good ride. Starbuck: The wind blew my shirt right off. How did you manage to keep yours on? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) It’s my pegasus. I know what to hold on to. Starbuck: Oh. Too bad. Gabrielle: Warriors of the Miri Feathers! Here is a Colonial warrior who says he’s a good man! We have not had any man in this village for nigh unto two yahrens! Let us put him to the test! Women began to gather - all gorgeous and well-endowed, of course - you haven’t seen this much cleavage since the collected issues of Scorpian Playhouse magazine. Starbuck: (Brightening.) Two yahrens, huh. This could be fun! The women eye him speculatively, and there is some murmuring among them, with smiles and nods - then they all quickly disperse. Starbuck: I though they were going to put me to the test! Gabrielle: Oh, they will. They need to collect some ng about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the elevet you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To t you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To kill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: o be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) Buthings for the test. Starbuck: What kind of things? Gabrielle: (Smiling.) You’ll see. But meanwhile, let us provide some refreshments - you’ll need it, so you’re ready for the test. Starbuck: Got any oysters? Gabrielle: Sorry. But we’ve got plenty of fruits, vegetables, and juices - healthy things, you know, good for growing. Starbuck: Well, if that’s all- Hey, what’s that? Starbuck stares as the women begin to return - leading groups of ...children. The children seem to be clustered in two age groups - one-to-two yahren old toddlers, and five-to-six yahren olds. Gabrielle: These are our children. Starbuck: (Shocked) Your what? Gabrielle: Our children. Starbuck: Lords of Kobol, I thought you didn’t have... Gabrielle: The last man through here was Kerk...Kirok...something like that. The toddlers are his. And before that it was Bondjamesbond or some such nonsense. The older ones are his. Starbuck: (Exhaling.) And you want me to...you want the next batch tnth secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are kill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: kill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: (Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, t you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To o be mine? Gabrielle: What? Oh, no, not at all! We don’t need any more kids just now - what we need is somebody to be a father to the ones we have! Somebody to be a role model, and a snack-feeder, and a tucker-inner at night, and a story-reader. After all, Kerk and Bondjamesbond ran out on us. We don’t need more like them - we just need a good man! And that’s what you said you were! Starbuck: (Turning pale and nearly fainting.) Oh...no... Gabrielle: Well? Are you up to the test? Starbuck: (Looking around desperately.) I can’t handle this... If I could handle this, I’d’a stayed on the Jolly and Cassie ship! Gabrielle: The what? Starbuck: I’m outta here, that’s what. I was better off in the fleet! Jolly’s kids and all! I’m going back home! Starbuck takes off into the jungle back the way he came, setting a new Colonial record for the marathon, if anyone had been there to record the time - and this time without the horse. Gabrielle: (Yelling after him.) Buyou doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this wou(Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, (Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I kill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: t you said your ship sank into the muck! Starbuck: I’ll find a way to get it out! Gabrielle turns to the rest of the Miri Feather tribe. All shrug fatalistically and return to whatever they were doing before. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Why are you here? To kill me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 45 Scene: The jungles of the Miri Feather planet. Starbuck is foundering his way through the muck and greenery, searching for SAM. He occasionally slaps at his bare skin as an insect bites - he lost his shirt, remember? Starbuck: SAM! Where are you! For a long centon there is no sound, then comes the rustle of underbrush, and out from behind a huge leafy plant steps the amazon princess Gabrielle. Starbuck pulls his laser. Starbuck: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not going back and be daddy to all those kids! Gabrielle: I’m not here to try to make you come back. Starbuck: Then why are you here? To ld be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episthe Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I the Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. (Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, kill me like Mississippia was going to do when we met? Or was it Missouria? Gabrielle: No, I...I... There’s something I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t do... Starbuck: What’s that? She steps forward, flings her arms around him, and kisses him passionately within an inch of his life. His knees buckle and he collapses at her feet, gasping for breath. Gabrielle: (Breathing deeply.) Wow, you’re on your knees! It must have been as good for you as it was for me... Starbuck: No...I was just out of breath from my marathon run - I didn’t have a pegasus to fly. Gabrielle: Starbuck... Starbuck: (Slowly getting back to his feet.) That sounded just like...like Cassiopeia... Gabrielle: Who? Starbuck: Oh, nobody important... Gabrielle: But my sister’s name was Cassiopeia! She was the only one of who stayed back in the Colonies when our father took the rest of us along on that last merchant trip! Starbuck: Really? Cassiopeia’s father was a merchant- Gabrielle: ode 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines.. could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. Wilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from Sthe Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I (Again flinging her arms around him.) I knew there was a reason you had come to us! You’ve got to take me with you! I’ve got to go back to the Colonies! I’ve got to go back to my family, what’s left of it! Starbuck: Oh-oh, I’ve got bad news for you, there isn’t much left of the Colonies. Thanks to Baltar and the Cylons. Gabrielle: (Still with her arms around him.) The Cylons... They murdered my family, Starbuck. I’ve got to go back, I’ve got to do something about it... Starbuck: In leather and feathers? Gabrielle: Well, I was a warrior cadet on furlon when I took that last trip with my father - I can probably pick it up again pretty quick. Starbuck: (Putting his arms around her, too.) A cadet? All right. I can’t resist a plea like that. And to be honest, that was a really spectacular kiss. Runs in the family, I think. Okay, I’ll take you back. All we’ve got to do is find SAM, then take off... Mississipia: (Overhead.) To arms, to arms! The Cylons are coming, . Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another CWilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from SWilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from Sheba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. the Cylons are coming! Starbuck looks up, then throws them both to the side just in time to dodge a pungent dropping missile. Starbuck: Ugh. They should never let anything that size fly after eating. Gabrielle: The Cylons are attacking! My sisters need me! I must go back to them! Starbuck: But...but...I thought you wanted to return to Colonial civilization! To get away from this world of swamp and forest and jungle! To go back to your real sister! Gabrielle: I do. But I can’t turn away from the ones who depend on me, in their centar of greatest need. Cassiopeia may be my sister - but I’ve got two hundred sisters here, and I’ve got to take care of them. I’m staying. Starbuck: Just like that? Gabrielle: Well, face it, Starbuck, the kiss was okay, but it wasn’t that great. Good luck. And good bye. Starbuck: (Outraged.) Me? Not that great? She shrugs, then disappears into the jungle. Starbuck: (Resigned.) Good bye, Gabrielle. (Turns to swamp.) Now if I ylon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t cheba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now heba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now that you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck maWilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from S could just find SAM... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Dr. Wilker say, "Starbuck stole my Viper!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 46 Scene: Back in the fleet, aboard the Galactica, Wilker has just arrived on the bridge, where Adama and Tigh are quietly conferring. Adama: Hello, Dr. Wilker! Wilker: (Handing over a computron.) Commander Adama, I am here to file a formal protest! Adama: (Looking at the computron.) Excuse me? Wilker: You heard me. I’m here to file a grievance. Tigh: I thought you were here to file a protest. Wilker: Protest, grievance, same thing. Tigh: No, it’s not- Wilker: Never mind, I’m not here to discuss semantics. I’m here to complain- Tigh: What happened to the protest and the grievance? Wilker: Lieutenant Starbuck stole my Viper! Adama: (Grim.) That is a very serious charge, Dr. Wilker. Tigh: How do you know? Adama: Stealing Vipers is always a serious charge, Colonel. are how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start thethat you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck mathat you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck may be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s phheba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now Wilker, what are you basing your charge on? Wilker: In the first place, the new Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II model, a/ka/ SAM, is missing from the Rising Star tech development lab. SAM was observed flying out of the bay by myself and two my technicians. Tigh: Well, that explains how you know it’s gone... Wilker: Checking around, we discovered that Starbuck was on the Rising Star - and is now also gone. He has been reported missing by Sire Uri, by Chameleon, and by someone named Siress Amanda, whoever she is. Tigh: Siress Amanda? Who’s that? Wilker: I don’t know. Adama: Never mind, gentlemen, she’s not important. How do you know there’s a connection between the two disappearances? I needn’t remind you, Dr. Wilker, that we’ve had a lot of disappearances in the fleet in the last few days. Wilker: I saw the Viper leave the bay - and a couple of people saw Starbuck skulking around the bay at the same time. Tigh: Sir, our last report from Sy be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s ph show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show wy be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s physical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test fligthat you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck maheba and Bojay had them on the Rising Star too. Maybe we could have them check into this, since they’re already there? I mean, they’ve gotta have a better chance of finding anything than Council Security. Adama: Good idea, Tigh. See to it. Tigh: (Muttering.) I gotta stop giving him good ideas that mean more work for me... Adama: Say, Wilker, considering the timing of the Viper theft, and the multiple reports of disappearance of Starbuck... What have you been doing in the twenty centars since then? Wilker: Uh... Trying to hitch a ride to the Galactica - yeah, that’s it. Nobody wants to come here, they’re all having too much fun on the Rising Star. Adama: You could have called. Wilker: I guess I didn’t think of it... Adama: Nobody ever calls me any more. Tigh: Maybe that’s a good sign - that means things are going well, right? Adama: Maybe, maybe... Very well, Wilker, you’ve made your report. We’re following up on it. What else do you need? Wilker: Now ysical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test fligas a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Caiysical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test flight. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: y be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s phthat you mention it, my research and development budget could use an increase- Adama: Budgetary increases are the Council’s concern. You’ll have to take that up with them. Wilker: (Muttering as he stomps off the bridge.) Figures. Everybody wants to enjoy the results of my research, but nobody wants to pay for it. I feel like the little red hen. Tigh: He feels like a barnyard animal? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "And you didn’t think this was important enough to mention?? "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 47 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is pondering the starfield, and Tigh is quietly talking to someone on the ship’s comline. Adama: Well, Tigh? Any word from Sheba and Bojay? Tigh: Not yet, sir. But then, I only contacted them five centons ago. And communications with the Rising Star seem to be a bit slow. Adama: This entire situation is rapidly becoming untenable. Starbuck maht. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: n’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those kiht. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylonsysical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test fligy be reckless and irresponsible, and the Rising Star may be his second billet, but I can’t see him going AWOL or stealing a top secret newly redesigned test Viper. Tigh: Wilker sounded very certain. Adama: Yes, he did... But it just doesn’t seem like him. I wonder if something happened - maybe there’s something wrong with him, a physical or psychological problem. Maybe we should have had him examined by Dr. Salik. Tigh: I talked to Dr. Salik about that while you were pondering the starfield, sir. Adama: You did? Why? Tigh: I figured if I suggested it, you’d have me do it, so I did it first. Adama: Good move, Tigh. And what did Dr. Salik have to say? Tigh: Apparently, since Starbuck and Cassie broke up, he hasn’t been back to Life Center. He blew off his last two physicals, and has been overheard saying something about not letting med tech Cassie near him with any of those probes. Adama: I see.... That means we have no current information on Lt. Starbuck’s phThe bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylonsds again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would beThe bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylons have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s leht. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: ysical and mental condition. So anything is possible. Rigel, can you confirm if our scanners showed any Vipers leaving the Rising Star during the time frame cited by Dr. Wilker? Rigel: Actually, yes, sir, one did. The transponder signal we received matches that of SAM. Adama: Do we have any information on the pilot? Rigel: Yes, sir. SAM reported that Lieutenant Starbuck was the pilot. Adama: (Pause.) And you didn’t bother to tell us that before now? Rigel: Nobody asked. But it’s in yesterday’s logbook, sir. Adama: And you didn’t think it was important enough to specifically mention to me or the Colonel, Corporal? Rigel: But Starbuck has taken test flights before! And he’s always involved in the most top secret and dangerous missions on the board! I assumed he was just doing it again! Adama: You knew Starbuck was missing... Rigel: Since the ship launched from the Rising Star, it seemed logical that the reason he was on the Rising Star was to handle the test flig have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s le compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main character have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s left? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." "The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylonsht. With all the talk around here about covert missions, I figured his supposed disappearance was actually so he could secretly handle the test flight. I didn’t want to say anything in case it would blow his cover. Adama and Tigh stare at each other. Tigh: You know, Adama, that’s not a bad idea... Adama: It could save our necks if the Council gets wind of this. Rigel, are we still receiving the signal? Rigel: Yes, sir, we are. And SAM is sending navigational data and scanner information in short bursts. Adama: Give me a complete report. Rigel: Yes, sir! She hands over a computron, which Adama begins studying. Tigh: You already had the report ready? Rigel: I figured somebody would want it. Tigh: You know, Rigel, you’ve got colonel potential written all over you... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll at long last hear Tigh say, "Commander! It’s a Cylon attack force!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 48 Scene: ft? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." "s are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audienft? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the b have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s leJolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the bThe bridge of the Galactica, where Adama is reviewing a report handed to him by Rigel. Adama: Hmm, SAM’s last recorded position is...underground? Tigh: Now, that’s just not possible. From the specifications I read, SAM can fly through space, through atmosphere, and through water - but it cannot fly through ground! Adama: See for yourself. (Hands over report.) Rigel: Sir? Would you take a look at this? Tigh: Wow. It does appear to be underground... Adama: What has Starbuck done this time? Rigel: Sir? Please, I really think you should take a look at this... Adama: What is it, Rigel? (Leans over her console.) Rigel: According to the warbook... Adama: It’s a Cylon attack phalanx! Rigel: Can you say that on television? Adama: It’s an attack force, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. Tigh: (Joining them.) And it’s heading directly toward the fleet! Adama: Our escape was not as complete as we hoped; they have found us again. Rigel: Wow, I’m amazed. Tigh: That the Cylonsce: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning broJolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the barrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: ft? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." "arrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: have found us again? Why does that amaze you? They do it all the time. Rigel: I’m amazed that it took them 48 episodes to do it. Tigh: Hmm, that is a surprise... Adama: (Interrupting.) Status, Rigel. Rigel: Twenty-five microns to firing range and closing. Adama: Launch Blue Squadron intercept. Tigh and Rigel exchange glances. Tigh: Uh, I’m afraid Blue Squadron isn’t available. Adama: What? Why not? Tigh: Well, Starbuck’s out with SAM, Apollo and Boomer are looking for Athena, Sheba and Bojay are investigating the missing mushies, Jolly’s still on paternity leave, Giles and Greenbean are- Adama: Never mind! Red Squadron, then! Rigel: All down with the Aquarian flu, sir. Adama: How about Silver Spar Squadron? Rigel: Lost somewhere in Lambda section, at last report, sir. Adama: Yellow and Green Squadrons? Rigel: Looking for Silver Spar, sir. Adama: Purple and Orange Squadrons? Rigel: We don’t have Purple and Orange squadrons, sir. Adama: What’s leadly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major charaarrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: No, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships arJolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the bNo, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships arft? Are we defenseless? Rigel: There’s still Black Ovine Squadron, sir. Adama: Black Ovine Squadron? There’s no one else? Rigel: They’re all we have left, sir. Adama: Lords of Kobol preserve us... All right, launch Black Ovines! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon say, "It’s the end of the world as we know it." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Koppel, reporting that we are in the midst of a Cylon attack, with only our brave men in tights..uh, tan, to defend us. The situation is desperate. To help you survive your shock at that news, and to help you get through this next potentially dark and destructive centar, in which we may all be blown to kingdom come and see what’s left of our fleet utterly destroyed, we now present a very special, seventh-secton anniversary episode of your favorite series -- or at least the one we’ve inflicted upon you the longest." "No, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships are exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mysterarrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: e exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mysterJolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 49 Scene: Space. The final frontier. The edge of the universe....the galaxy...the quadrant...the solar system... Whatever they’re calling it this secton. Where the battle rages for the survival of mankind. And back on the bridge of the Galactica, the senior officers anxiously await word of the battle. Rigel: Black Ovine Squadron is away, sir. We’re monitoring their communiques. Adama: Understood. Put it on overhead. Rigel: Yes, sir. Tigh: You really want to hear Major Boyington on speakers? Adama: Yes, I do. The only thing that keeps him in line is knowing he’s being directly overseen and supervised by his superiors. And even that doesn’t always work. Rigel: How come Major Boyington isn’t flight commander? Doesn’t a major outrank a captain? Adama: Normally, yes. But Major Boyington is...unusual. Tigh: (Leaning over and muttering.) And he isn’t the commander’s son. Also, the Black Ovines are...sort of the bottom of the be exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mystercters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for tious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly No, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships arious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly arrel of misfits and scoundrels and independent-thinking pilots who don’t like taking orders and tend to want to party a little heartier and with broader variety than regulations permit. Rigel: How come Starbuck isn’t one of them? Tigh: He’s the best friend of the commander’s son. Even so, he came awfully close to being assigned there, a couple of times. Adama: All right, Major, remember - don’t fire until you see the reds of their oculars! Tigh: But sir, the Cylons started tinting all their windows so we can’t do that anymore! Our pilots won’t be able to see the Cylon oculars unless they climb inside their ships! Adama: Oh. (Pause.) Right. (Pause.) All right - Boyington, tell your pilots to attack when they can imagine they see the reds of their oculars. Boyington: (Over speaker.) Right, Commander! All right, men, you heard him, let’s use our imaginations and go in! Pilot #1: (Over speakers.) We’re with you, Pappy. Rigel: Hey, isn’t that Barton? Adama: ious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly he Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father.explode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman e exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mysterexplode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman No, that’s Casey. He just sounds and looks like Barton. There’s no relationship, as far as I can tell. Rigel: Well, I should hope not! Tigh: He means they’re not relatives, Rigel. Rigel: Oh. So why does he call Boyington ‘Pappy’? Tigh: They just do. It’s a Black Ovine thing. Rigel: The Black Ovines are engaging the enemy, sir. Pilot #2: (Over speakers.) You got one on your tail, French! I’ll take him! Rigel: That sounds like Giles! I thought he was still recovering from the party! Adama: He is still recovering. That’s Boyle. Pilot #3: (Over speakers.) Thanks, Boyle! For real, not imaginary! Adama: That’s French, not Komma. Rigel: I’m confused. Does everybody in Black Ovine Squadron look and sound like somebody else in Blue Squadron or the rest of the fleet? Tigh: Most of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody who looks like Boyington, though. Adama: He’s one of a kind. Fortunately. Rigel: Our fighters seem to be winning, sir! Cylon ships arexplode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar comihas to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his ious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly has to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his e exploding right and left, and we don’t seem to be taking any casualties, and only minimal damage to the fleet. Cylon #1: (Over speakers.) Oh-oh. Cylon #2: (Over speakers.) It’s the end of the world as we know it- Cylon #3: (Over speakers.) Cylons have no afterlife. It’s the end of the world. This is immediately followed by deafening explosion - I know you can’t hear in space, but they hear it anyway. The next sounds are the cheers of the Black Ovines as they mop up the rest of the Cylon attack force. Boyington: All right, Black Ovines, let’s go home! Adama: (Sighing deeply.) We live to run and fight another day. Black Sheep: (Singing, in lousy harmony, over speakers.) Baa, baa, baa. Adama: I hate it when they make barnyard noises. Makes me feel like I should be running a ranch. Tigh: You, an oviner, sir? No, I can’t see it. Now, bovines, that’s a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear the mysterhas to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his ng in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, wheexplode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, wheious Siress Amanda say, "You don’t know how right you are." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 50 Scene: The ultra salon on the Rising Star, where people are running about in sheer panic. One of the panicked civilians runs up to Siress Amanda, who is amazingly calm. Civilian #1: Fire, fire! There’s fire in the Star! Amanda: Aren’t all stars on fire? Civilian #1: No, no, there’s a fire in the ship’s bay! The entire stock of Couturiers of Caprica is in danger of immolation! Amanda: Isn’t the entire collection made of non-flammable materials? Civilian #1: Oh. (Pauses.) You know, you’re right. I don’t know what I was worrying about. Whew, what a relief! Siress Amanda shakes her head as the civilian goes on her way. Athena rushes into the salon. Athena: Is it true? Is it true? Is Couturiers of Caprica in jeopardy from the fire? Amanda: Not at all. It’s non-flammable material. We may choke to death on the smoke or be burned to a crisp by the fire or nearly too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, whethe asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no technore Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: Dihas to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his re Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: Diexplode when our bodies are sucked out into space when the hull goes, but we’ll still look good in our Ganymede originals! Athena: (Holding up her palm for a handslap.) You said it, sister! Amanda: (Complying.) You don’t know how right you are. Sheba, Bojay, and Reese enter from the other direction. Sheba: Athena! Is that you? Athena: Sheba! Yes, is it! What are you doing on the Rising Star? Sheba: Among other things, looking for you! And at a perfect time, I see - where did you get that dress? Athena: (Twirls to display the backlessness of it.) It’s an original from Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Sheba: Oooh, I’ve got to borrow that! Oh, please say you’ll let me! Why didn’t I see that in your closet when I borrowed the pink one? Athena: Because I just got it yesterday. Sheba: You did? But if it’s an original... That means Ganymede is still alive? Amanda: Yes, he is, and working for Sire Uri - just like we do! Sheba: You mean, that’s what a woman re Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: Dilogy! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric d you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, whed you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: has to do these days to get an original from Couturiers of Caprica? Amanda: Uhm-hmm. Sheba: (Considering.) Hmmm... Reese: Sheba! Don’t tell me you’d really consider working for somebody like Sire Uri on the Rising Star! Why, that would take you away from the Galactica! It would take you away from me! Bojay: Could you really throw away your whole career as the greatest military pilot the Colonies have ever known, after your fath...uh, after Commander Cain? And for what? To be a dance hall girl for Sire Uri! Don’t you remember all the stories we heard about him from the first days of the Exodus? The suspicions about why his wife didn’t make the trip? The hoarding of food and beverages and refusal to share with the masses? How he nearly turned the fleet over to the Cylons at Carillon? The wild parties he threw? The fantastic buffets? The drunken orgies? The women who were hanging all over him? The... Hey, where do I sign up? Reese: (Pondering and tugging at his d you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we dThey’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’re Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: DiThey’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’too-tight and chafing security uniform, from the dousing on the Jolly and Cassie ship back in episode 37.) How about men? Do the men who work for him get a new wardrobe too? Amanda: You saw Horatio the bouncer and Mauser the bartender and all the waiters? Reese: Yeah. Amanda: All dressed by Uri. Some of them personally. Reese: Well, I wouldn’t want him dressing me personally... Amanda: No, outfits chosen personally, not personally dressed - they’re grown men, after all, they don’t need to be dressed...unless they want to be. Reese: Well, as long as that’s clear.... But I want it perfectly understood, my main reason for doing this is to stay close to Sheba - the wardrobe thing is purely secondary! Amanda: Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s talk... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "I’ve been through fires in space before." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 51 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, wheThey’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’id have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the flot know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is mifd you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: t know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is mifre Sheba, Bojay, Reese, Athena, and Amanda are clustered, discussing the relative merits of working for Sire Uri -- including the benefit of a full wardrobe. As they settle back, Apollo, Boomer, Croft, and Chameleon enter from yet another direction. Apollo: Croft, you picked one hades of a time to check out the Rising Star - right in the middle of a firefight and a fire! Croft: The Cylons decided to attack, not me! Apollo: And now we’re trapped here, with the ship on fire, unable to do anything about it. Boomer: (Shrugging.) I’ve been through fires in space before; I’m not worried. Croft: Besides, Apollo, the Cylons attack on a regular basis, on their own schedule. We can’t refuse to live our lives because they might attack in five centons. Chameleon: (Confidentially.) Don’t worry, Croft, I think he’s just upset because he wasn’t on the Galactica and able to hop into his Viper and go out into space to heroically save the day. That’s the way warriors are. Croft: Dit know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is miffed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten maor on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. They’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’fed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten mad you know I used to be a warrior? Chameleon: No, really? Croft: I tried to heroically save some valuable ores from the Cylons. Unfortunately, I got caught by fellow warriors. Chameleon: Oh, dear. That couldn’t have been fun. Croft: Nope. So, Captain Apollo, what are we going to do to save ourselves and the panicked civilians on this ship from the fire in the bay? Boomer: (Looking around.) They don’t look too panicked to me. Apollo: Maybe they recognize that their safety is in our hands, and that we will save them, somehow. Boomer: (Spotting Athena.) Athena! Apollo and Croft: What? Athena: (Laughing.) Boomer! Athena jumps up and runs to his arms in classic slow motion. He moves to meet her, also in slow motion, arms outstretched, as the speakers on the Rising Star suddenly break out with romantic, running-through-meadows-overgrown-with-flowers-blowing-in-a-delicate-breeze-on-a-sunny-day, music. Chameleon: Are they happy to see each other or not? Croft: fed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten married! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (Seein Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs ot know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is mifrried! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (SeeinThey’re moving so slow, who can tell? Athena and Boomer ultimately meet and kiss, and he spins her around, both of them laughing joyously, and finally returning to normal speed. Boomer: I missed you, Athena! I was worried about you! And here you are, on the Rising Star...and very well dressed! Athena: Oh, Boomer, did you really miss me? I missed you too... You like my dress? Athena twirls, once again displaying the backlessness. Boomer: Wow. It’s gorgeous, Athena. But what are you doing here? Amanda: Psst, Athena. (Steps close and leans in.) If you tell him what you’re really doing here, you’ll have to give back the dress and go back to the Galactica. But if you tell him you were just here on a furlon, you get to keep the dress. Athena: I was just here on a furlon, Boomer. Didn’t Apollo tell you? Boomer glowers at Apollo. Boomer: No, he didn’t. He doesn’t remember to tell me a lot of things. Apollo: You didn’t tell me you were going on furlon! Father didn’rried! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (Seeing his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her ffed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten mag his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her fn his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Welt know you were going on furlon! Colonel Tigh didn’t know you were going on furlon! Your billetmate Lt. Sallie didn’t know you were going on furlon! Athena: (Airily, winking at Amanda.) Well, either somebody messed up - or I was so excited about my first furlon since Carillon that I forgot. Forgive me, Boomer, dear? Boomer: Now that I’ve found you, I’d forgive you anything. Croft: (Interrupting.) Now that the happy reunion is over, what are we going to do about the fire? Sheba: And what are we going to do about the fact that Apollo is so unobservant that he didn’t even see me standing here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "All right! I get the point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 52 Scene: The ultra salon of the Rising Star, where finally we have gathered Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Reese, and the mysterious Siress Amanda. Boomer and Athena are reunited - but Sheba is mifg his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her father... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I lorried! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (Seeinather... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I lol, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If youfed that Apollo didn’t even notice her. Apollo: Oh, hi, Sheba. I guess I didn’t see you there, standing behind Reese. Sheba: Or maybe you were too busy staring at Siress Amanda in her original gown by Ganymede? Apollo: Who? Sheba: Only the leading designer in the Colonies! Who just happens to be working for Sire Uri and supplying the most exclusive salon in the fleet! Apollo: And I should care about this because...? Sheba: Apollo, you are so insensitive sometimes! Apollo: Why do you always fall back on that old line? Just because I’m not up on dress makers? Just because I don’t want to flirt when the fleet’s in jeopardy from a demon who’s evil incarnate? Just because I put my duty first so that what’s left of our people aren’t destroyed when I could have made the difference? Athena: Big brother, try to see it from Sheba’s perspective - you can be kinda slow and dense at times...even Boxey saw that - if she hadn’t asked, you and Serina would never have gotten maather... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I love you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’mve you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’m hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" wheg his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her frried! Sheba: (Shrieking.) You had to bring her up, didn’t you? Amanda: Chill, Sheba, this is getting good. Sheba: Good for whom? Athena: And Ganymede is more than just a dressmaker, Apollo - he was *the* fashion designer and consultant in the Colonies! He created fashion! He turned Couturiers of Caprica from a little shop in Caprica City to the greatest one-of-a-kind clothing purveyor to the rich-and-famous in all twelve worlds. He was a recluse, no one ever saw him. He became a mystery. Everything he touched turned to gold - every color and fabric he used became the rage. When he cut skirts short, hems climbed toward our hips without stopping on the way. When he said length and swirl, it took twenty yards of fabric to make our dresses and we didn’t dare go outside on a windy day. When he went to layers of sheer, fancy underwear sales tripled. When he turned to fringe, we all looked like beaded doorway curtains. Amanda: Hey, this really is good! Apollo: (Seeinve you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’m not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in it not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in itn we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sceather... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I log his sister gearing up for yet more accolades and raising a hand to stop her.) All right! I get the point. He’s fashion with a capital F. And now I know more about him that I ever needed or wanted to know. So have I earned a graduate degree in sensitivity? Sheba: Doubtful. Apollo: Sheba, what do you want? I still don’t understand why you broke up with me, and I don’t know what you want now, and I don’t know why you’re seeing a security officer -- Reese, of all people. I mean, c’mon, weren’t any of the sanitation crew looking for a good time? Reese: Hey, let’s not get personal here.... Sheba: There you go again, Apollo. Suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing. That I’m making decisions based on something other than intelligence and intuition. Apollo: Like you and your father decided the fate of two tankers when we first fought together before Gamorah? Sheba bursts into tears. Reese: (Glancing at Chameleon.) Uh, Apollo, she found out that Cain isn’t her f not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in it and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with the and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with thene: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethinve you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’m and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with the whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boome whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boomeather... Apollo: (Awkwardly.) Oh... Gee, I’m sorry, Sheba, I didn’t know... Sheba: (Glaring at Chameleon.) Neither did I, until he admitted the truth - that he knew my mother, better than he should have! Croft: (Puzzled.) Wait a centon. Just because he knew your mother, what makes you think he’s your father? Sheba: Well, I mean... (The lightbulb goes on.) That’s right! That doesn’t necessarily mean anything - except that he knew my mother! It doesn’t even mean he knew her at the right time! Croft: Chameleon, when did you know her mother? Chameleon: Uh...oh, maybe thirty yahrens ago or so? Croft: And how old are you, Sheba? Sheba: Twenty-six! Chameleon couldn’t be my father! Croft: Not unless your mother had the longest pregnancy in Colonial history. Unless, of course, you’re using Libran yahrens -- they’re pretty short. Sheba: That means Cain *was* my father! I am still the daughter of the greatest military leader the Colonies ever knew! Oh, Croft, I log about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology cl not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in it whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boomer: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for ther: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for theve you! You’ve given me back my life! (She throws her arms around him in a very non-military and forbidden PDA -- public display of affection.) Reese: Hey! >From somewhere comes the sound of an explosion. Athena: Oh-oh, I think we better start worrying about the fire... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "I’m not a warrior, why do I have to set a good example?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 53 Scene: The Rising Star. The fire continues, somewhere, unabated. Fortunately, just to ease your mind without giving away anything significant, the Ganymede Collection from Couturiers of Caprica is safe and untouched, and will remain so. However, our heroes, trapped in the ultra salon, won’t be so lucky, unless they figure something out, and quickly. Reese: Oh, no, what’ll we do! Apollo: For one thing, stop turning into a quivering mass of jellied fruit and set a good example for the others! Reese: Why? I’mass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with ther: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. Wh next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. Wh not a warrior; why do I have set a good example? Boomer: He’s got a point, Apollo. Bojay: (Snidely.) Yeah, on his head. Sheba: Set an example, Reese. At a time like this, we all have to do our part. Reese: For you, dearest heart of hearts and warrior queen of the Viper vamps, anything. As long as you take your hands off Croft. Sheba: Oh, did I still have my hands on him? How forgetful of me... (Takes her hands and arms off him with obvious reluctance and a sigh.) Athena: (Not taking her hands off Boomer.) What should we do? Reese: We could crawl through the conduits until we reach the launch bay, then take whatever vehicle we can find and escape! Boomer: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we find Dr. Wilker’s new technical development lab - there’s bound to be something there we can use! Athena: Or we could crawl through the conduits until we reach Couturiers of Caprica. Since the Ganymede collection is non-flammable, we could wrap ourselves up in itchildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No, whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boome next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. When I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the grilen I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the gril and make our way to a safe part of the ship, where we can give the collection to the firefighters and they can safely move in to put out the fire! Bojay: Why don’t we crawl through the conduits until we reach the damage control center, and direct the fire control teams from there! Apollo: We could crawl through the conduits to the cargo section, where we could find some solenite explosives, then go out on the hull and blow the sections that are on fire, like we did when the Galactica was hit in that one attack. Amanda: Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve crawling through the conduits? The warriors look at each other for a moment, thinking, then shake their heads decisively. Apollo: I can’t think of anything. Athena: Don’t worry, Amanda, you’re a civilian, you won’t be required to crawl through the conduits. You can stay here and guard the clothes. Reese: (Eying Amanda.) I’ll stay here and help her guard the clothes. Sheba: You know the problem with the I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which oner: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for theen I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the grill. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I l. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I whole crawling through the conduit thing? We don’t have breathers. Without breathers, we could be trapped in the smoke and heat, and die horrible deaths by suffocation, and no one would know until the charcoal-grilled smell of our overcooked flesh wafted through the air recyclers, and spread throughout the entire ship, and we would never be found... Croft: Hey, the woman’s an optimist! Apollo: But she’s got a good point. What do we do about breathers? Boomer: Well... A sharp yipping sound catches their attention. Out of the billowing smoke of the corridor, comes the mechanical sound of...something. All: Gasp! A strangely daggit-looking robot comes out of the haze, low to the ground, antenna stretched out from its nose, sensor ears circling determinedly. Kanine: You are the Colonial warriors. According to my programming, you are the only humans capable of saving this ship from complete and total destruction. Apollo: It...it looks like a daggit! Sort of. Boome, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commandel. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I don’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. Whdon’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and ther: Definitely canine... Kanine: That’s Kanine. I am Kanine. Sheba: Where did you come from? After Muffey, I didn’t think they were making any more daggits! Kanine: I was constructed by Dr. Wilker as an alternative to a daggit. I have been programmed with human speech patterns and logic processes, to be more intelligent than a daggit, and to anticipate human needs. I self-activated upon the realization that the ship was on fire and my services might be required. Apollo: I wish you could anticipate what we need just now... Kanine’s side panel flips open. Out spills a collection of breathers. Kanine: I anticipated that you would require breathers, and brought sufficient number for all persons I detected in this chamber. Apollo: (Scooping up breathers and passing them out.) Thanks, Kanine, you’ve probably saved our lives. Of course, afterward, we’re going to have to kill Wilker for creating another daggit when he was specifically ordered not to... Tune in for ther. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, idon’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and the ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go undeen I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the gril ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go unde next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "Boomer, get your feet outta my face." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 54 Scene: Conduits on the Rising Star, where our motley collection of heroes - okay, so it’s Apollo, Boomer, Croft, Sheba, Bojay, and Athena, all wearing breathers - are making their way....somewhere, to do...something about the fire. Apollo: I can’t believe Reese refused to do the noble and heroic thing and go along with us to save the ship. Croft: He muttered something about never crawling behind Boomer again. Boomer: Oh, like he’s got any clean socks left either! Sheba: He had a greater motivation than that - he swore he would protect the Ganymede collection at all costs, and when I return after saving the ship, he’s going to buy me any gown I want! Athena: After crawling through here, I’m going to need a new one. I know this white dress is going to be dingy brown after crawling through these dirty old conduits. Wht’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mum ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go undercover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the mel. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I rcover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the meen I get to be battlestar commander, I’m going to have a talk or two with the ship’s maintenance and janitorial departments! Apollo: When *you* become battlestar commander? What makes you think *you’re* going to be battlestar commander? Oh, you mean after *I’m* gone... Athena: Oh, right, big brother. (Under her breath.) With the death wish you’ve had since Serina, that shouldn’t be long. Sheba: (Under her breath.) I heard that, Athena. Stop mentioning her. But I agree with you. Croft: Bend in the conduit up ahead! We’re going down! Croft slides. The others, who have been too busy muttering among themselves or grimacing about Boomer’s dirty socks, don’t notice until they, too, hit the slide. The next thing we know, all six of them are lying in a crumpled, tangled heap against a grill that leads out into a corridor. Apollo: All right! We’ve reached the exit! Bojay: Boomer, get your feet outta my face. Boomer: Those aren’t my feet. My feet are planted in the grilmy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m invercover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the mental trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants rdon’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and thental trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants rl. I think my big toe’s stuck. Bojay: So whose feet are they? Sheba: Shut up, Bojay. Bojay: Oh. Sorry, Sheba, I didn’t realize they were yours... Athena: All right, we’ve figured out whose feet those are - now who’s got their hand down my dress? And if it’s not Boomer, I’m reminding somebody that I am the battlestar commander’s daughter, and somebody is going to be pulling latrine duty for a sectar! Croft: Oops. Sorry, my mistake. Boomer: Am I gonna have to kill Croft? Athena: Ummm, maybe not... Apollo: Get off me! All others: Who? Apollo: I don’t know! Everybody get off me! Sheba: Sure - as soon as you unscrew that grill so we can all get out of here! There is a moment of silence. Sheba: You mean you don’t have the screwdriver? Apollo: I thought Croft had the screwdriver! Croft: I didn’t know we needed a screwdriver - why would I bring one? Bojay: Boomer, you’re the electronics whiz - don’t you have a screwdriver with you? Boomer: Sorry - I stigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplieound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who ntal trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants r ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go undeound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who don’t usually bring tools to the Rising Star! Athena: You mean we’re stuck here? Together? Jammed against the grill because we can’t get back up the conduit? All: Help! A few loud moments later, several members of the ship’s fire control team come racing down the hall. Fire control tech #1: I heard yelling, I know I heard yelling! Apollo: Here! We’re here! Fire control tech #2: They’re in the conduit! Let’s get them out! The techs unscrew the grill, which falls out, immediately followed by our half-dozen intrepid...uh, warriors. They sort themselves out and pick themselves up. Apollo: (Pulling off his breather.) I’m Captain Apollo of the Galactica. Where’s the fire control chief? We’re here to save the ship! Fire chief: (Rolling his eyes.) Actually, Captain Apollo, that’s not necessary. While you were arguing about what to do and what to wear while you were doing it, we were putting out the fire. Apollo: The important thing is that the fire is out, and thes, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87has been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? Youound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who rcover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the mehas been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? You ship is safe, and we were here to see to it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "What about the missing mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 55 Scene: Back aboard the Galactica bridge, where Adama and Tigh are receiving Apollo’s report on his heroic personal efforts to save the Rising Star from total conflagration. Apollo: (Over speakers.) And so, father, having successfully ensured the survival and safety of the Rising Star, and also having incidentally found Athena, we’re returning to the Galactica. Adama: What about the missing mushies? Sheba: (Over speakers.) Uh, still not sure about those, sir. But I won’t give up until we find them! Even if I have to spend sectars away from the Galactica, searching every ship in the fleet, passing up all those wonderful opportunities to risk our lives fighting the Cylons, living in crowded pilots’ billets, and eating mess hall food. Even if I have to go unde Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go.. let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the has been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? Yountal trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants r let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the rcover in gowns from Ganymede’s collection and not wear my hard-earned warrior’s uniform the entire time. Adama: I appreciate your dedication, Sheba; good luck. Thank you for your report, Apollo. Welcome back, Athena. I’ll be glad to see you both upon your arrival. End transmission. Tigh: Well, that’s two of our current problems solved. Adama: Would that all of our problems could be so easily dealt with... Tigh: So what are we going to do about the mushies? Siress Belloby has requisitioned quarters down the corridor from yours, Commander. I think she’s here to stay. Adama: Who let her have quarters near mine? Tigh: Corporal Lomas, the current billet assignment chief. As I understand it, by the time they blasted the turboflush door open and pried him off the turboshowerhead, he was blithering wildly about signing anything, just get away from him. Salik reports he had about 15 hickies all over his body - he’ll be out on sick leave for at least two sectons for the me.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wannarepairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilk let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the ound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who repairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilkntal trauma alone. And the next thing we knew, she had a shuttle full of furniture, curtains, carpets, and her wardrobe, and had commandeered the survivors...uh, the remaining members of Blue Squadron to help her move in. Adama: Where was Omega when all this was happening? Was he laying down on the job? Tigh: It would appear the exact opposite, Adama, but we haven’t located him yet. Sgt. Barton strides onto the bridge. Barton: Commander! We need to speak with you! Adama: Sergeant. What about? Barton: Our latest assignment, sir. Sir, we have done everything you ever asked of us, at risk of life and limb. But this...this is too much. We’re entitled to hazard pay! Adama: What for? Barton: For moving Siress Belloby! Adama and Tigh exchange glances, and reluctantly nod. Adama: You’re right, Barton, you are. Tigh, see to it. Tigh: Right, sir. Barton: But there aren’t enough cubits in the fleet for the rest! Tigh: The rest of what? Barton: She wants r have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? er to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there warepairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilkhas been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? Youer to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there waound-the-chrono bodyguards! Shocked silence reigns on the bridge. Tigh: (Clearing his throat.) Adama? Adama: Yes, Tigh? Tigh: We could assign Black Ovine Squadron. Adama: (Smiling broadly.) You’re right, Colonel. We could. We should. We will. And we just did. Barton, you and your fellow movers are now off-duty from Belloby. And I think you’re entitled to an evening in the Officers’ Club - on me. You’ve earned it. Barton: Thank you, sir! Barton salutes and quickly leaves the bridge. Rigel: Sir? Adama: Yes, Rigel? Rigel: Who’s going to tell Major Boyington? As Adama glances around the bridge, everybody there dives for cover. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newcaster Kent, your mild-mannered studly IFB journalator, filling in for newscaster Koppel, who Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly s something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exerciser to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there wa let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the s something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exercishas been demoted...uh, temporarily reassigned to cover the prison barge beat. Despite rumors you may have heard, IFB absolutely denies that this demotion...uh, reassignment, is in any way connected to Koppel’s recent personal commentary about the upcoming Council elections. And now, on to the eighth-secton anniversary episode of this space soap serial. If you can take it, so can I." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 56 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica (yes, Alpha Bay has finally been repaired from the marshmallow toasting it took back in Episode 10), where a shuttle containing Apollo, Athena, Bojay, Boomer, Chameleon, Croft, Kanine, Reese, and Sheba has just landed. Dr. Wilker is there to meet them. Wilker: All right, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: Huh? Wilker: I said, what did you do to my lab? Apollo: I didn’t do anything to your lab! Boomer, tell him! Boomer: We didn’t do anything to your lab. Wilker: You didn’t do anything? You didn’t save it? Yougot us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? e sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (Ss something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exercisrepairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilke sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (S let the fire consume it all? I’ve rebuilt a lab here on the Galactica twice, I’ve built a lab on the Rising Star - and you guys keep letting them go up in smoke! Boomer: Hey, now, the second time the one on the Galactica went up, it had nothing to do with a Cylon attack! Wilker: No, but it did have something to do with you and Starbuck playing around with that Cylon pilot I was trying to reassemble, didn’t it? Boomer: How were we to know the thing had an auto-destruct button? Sooner or later, you’d have found that circuit, and it would have exploded anyway. It just happened to be us, trying to help you out! Wilker: Did I ask for your help? You pilots- Croft: Wilker, relax. Your lab is fine. The fire didn’t reach it. Wilker: Are you sure? Croft: I’m sure. I checked with the damage control team. The fire wasn’t anywhere near it. Wilker: Oh, that’s all right, then. Athena, who has lost interest in the conversation by now, is wandering the bay, checking out the Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess thaighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were e sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (Ser to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there waighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were repairs. Several members of Black Ovine Squadron enter the bay and join her. Casey: Hey, Athena! Athena: What is it, Barton? Casey: No, I’m Casey - I’m a Black Ovine. Athena: Really? You look like a man to me. And you’re kinda pale and blond... Casey: Why, thank you...I think. But I’m not here fishing for compliments. We’re here because we need a new mascot. Athena: I’m flattered, but I’m really not available. Thanks anyway. French: Actually, we were going to ask Wilker. Athena: I doubt if he’s available either, Komma. French: Name’s French. Athena: Funny, you don’t have an accent. French: No, my name, not my language or colony. I don’t have an accent. Well, other than the same as every other Caprican in the fleet. The only people with accents are those old Gemonese and the Aerian descendants we brought aboard from the prison asteroid - none of the Aerians in the fleet talk that way anymore- Boyle: Let me interrupt here, please. We’re not asking Wilkt makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for over on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman jighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were s something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exercisover on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman jer to be our mascot -- we want him to make one for us. He created that daggit for the captain’s kid, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he build one for us? Athena: Probably because Colonel Tigh threatened to space him if he ever did it again. French: Oh. Well, there goes that idea.... Athena: Of course, he created Kanine, so maybe he’d do it anyway. Boyle: Hmm, I’ve got an idea... French: Will it get us out of bodyguard duty for Siress Belloby? Boyle: Better than that! The Black Ovines leave the bay. Boomer comes over. Boomer: What was that about? Athena: The Black Ovines have an idea. Boomer: (Freezing.) Oh-oh... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Croft say, "You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 57 Scene: Still in the landing bay. Apollo: Say, where’d Sheba go? Croft: She grabbed Chameleon and said there waleather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adamumps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of miover on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman je sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (Sumps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of mis something they had to do, then they both took off. You know, for two people who broke up, you and Sheba seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and worrying about what you’re each doing. Apollo: Of course we snipe -- we’re broke up! But I didn’t break up with her! She broke up with me - and I still don’t know why. She called me insensitive, accused me of caring more for Starbuck and Boomer than for her, and slammed the door on the way out. Croft: How long had you been dating? Apollo: Uh...I don’t remember. How are we defining dating? Croft: Well, how long had you been spending a lot of time together? Apollo: Hmmm. I don’t remember that either. Croft: What did you do when you dated? Apollo: Uh...she used to come watch my triad games...we spent a little time together in the Celestial Observation Chamber...of course there were those various patrols and times we saved the entire fleet from utter destruction...the squadron briefings and meetings...the exercisa: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. Ane. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’umps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of miighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were ne. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’e sessions and the training classes...we went out for dinner on the Rising Star once...and we went dancing there once, too, at that party of Iblis’. That’s where she said I was jealous and insensitive and stormed out on me the first time. Croft: So this has happened before. Apollo: Yes. Croft: Hmm.. Did you ever tell her you loved her? Apollo: No! How could I say that when I wasn’t sure what I felt? Especially since every time she got mad she stormed out on me and slammed the door. Croft: And what did you do when you were mad at her? Apollo: I walked away. I have never slammed a door at her in the entire time we’ve known each other. Croft: (Exasperated.) Well, does that mean you love her? Apollo: How should I know? Croft: If you don’t know, who does? Apollo: She seems to think she does. She said our sniping must mean we care about each other. I don’t know about your family, but my parents didn’t snipe at each other to show they were in love! Croft: (Sdama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battless a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a compne. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’ighing.) Actually, Leda and I sniped a lot. Making up was always fun... Apollo: (Blinking.) You think...you think she sniped at me because she wanted to make up? Why didn’t she just say so? I coulda made up without the sniping first! Croft: Well, why don’t you tell her that? Apollo: If you had told me that yesterday, it might have meant something. Now, I think it’s too late. Croft: What? Why? Apollo, it’s not too late until they’re like Leda and Serina. When they’re dead. When their sweetness is gone from our lives. When we’re left alone to wander through life with no goal, no aim, no one to share it with, and only memories of their brutal death at Cylon hands. Is that what you really want? Apollo: No, it’s not. Croft: So why not go tell her that you wanna make up and skip the sniping? Apollo: Because I don’t wanna make up any more. Croft: Why not? Apollo: (Starting to grin in a most silly fashion.) I met somebody. Croft: What? Apollo When we were s a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a compover on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman jtar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired ofs a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a complete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still tover on that other ship, before the Rising Star. While I was checking out the ritzy quarters. I met a girl. Her name is...Cordelia... It feels like I’ve known her before, in another life or something. She’s so familiar. She’s sweet and innocent and she doesn’t snipe at me or slam doors and I don’t have to worry about her getting herself stupidly killed on a mission against the Cylons because she’s not a warrior and has no plans to be - I asked her. Croft: Cordelia? Not Siress Cordelia, the niece of Siress Belloby? Apollo: (Taking a punch to the solar plexus.) *Gasp.* Stop that, Boomer! You’re not serious! Croft: No, I’m Croft. But Cordelia is Belloby’s niece. Apollo: Oh, no.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ponder, "I just can’t see myself calling her aunt..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 58 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where another shuttle has just landed. A cute blonde woman jlete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still tumps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of mi waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for lete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still true. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-efumps out and looks around, wide-eyed and obviously thrilled to be there. She spots Apollo, Croft, and Boomer talking. Cordelia: Yoo-hoo, darling! Apollo: Cordelia! She throws herself into Apollo’s arms. He trips over his boot buckles reaching for her, and they fall to the deck together. Apollo: Oof! Cordelia: Ouch! Apollo: (From the deck.) What are you doing here, Cordelia? Cordelia: (Also from the deck.) I came to see you, sweetie. Apollo: Really? You came all this way just to see me? Cordelia: That, and my aunt Belloby invited me to come keep her company while she’s on the Galactica. Apollo: Belloby really is your aunt? Cordelia. I think so. She has been for as long as I can remember. Apollo and Cordelia get back on their feet. Cordelia spots Athena. Cordelia: Ooh! Is she wearing a Ganymede gown from Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: Why, yes, I am! Apollo: Cordelia, this is my sister, Athena. Athena, this is Cordelia, a very special friend of mirue. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-efne. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’being too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even witrue. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you thine. Could you help her get settled in while I finish the debriefing on the mission? Athena: Sure, Apollo! Hi, Cordelia. Athena trips over her high strappy shoes and nearly takes a header to the deck, but Boomer catches her. Athena: Thanks, Boomer. Come on, Cordelia. Boomer: (Muttering.) Is stumbling contagious? Cordelia: (Waving.) Bye, sweetie, I’ll see you later! Apollo: (Catching his sleeve on his laser holster as he raises his hand to wave, and ripping his jacket.) I’ll see you later! Cordelia: (Gushing as they leave the bay.) Oh, Athena, it’s so good to meet you, I love your gown, Apollo’s told me so much about you. Well, actually, all he’s had time to tell me is that he has a sister and her name is Athena - but he said you helped his first wife, Serina, prepare their engagement dinner - she sounds like such a wonderful woman, I can tell why he loved her so much - and I hope you’ll help me too, because I don’t know my way around the kitchen - oh, hee-hee, it’-hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you this a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a comph Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at -hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you think the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have s a galley in the military, isn’t it? Or is a mess? Athena: Sounds like it might be a mess... Croft and Boomer: You’re in love with her? Apollo: Yeah. I think I am. Croft: You couldn’t tell if you were in love with Sheba all that time - but you can tell you’re in love with Cordelia after one day? Apollo: It didn’t take long with Serina, either. Boomer: You don’t mean you’re gonna marry her? Apollo: I’m thinking about it. Boomer: (Yelping.) After one day?!?! Apollo: I may have been slow with Serina, having second thoughts about adopting Boxey, and all. But there’s no baggage with Cordelia. Boomer: How about Aunt Belloby? You don’t think that’s baggage? Apollo: Belloby. I just can’t see myself calling her aunt... I’ll have to think about that. Well, gotta go. I’m sure Commander Adama is waiting for my complete report. With a smile, Apollo leaves the bay. Boomer: (With foreboding.) You know something, Croft? When that girl’s around, Apollo is a compnk the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have lete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still ther trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. nk the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long,lete and total klutz. Croft: I wonder if someone had a hand in their meeting... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 59 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Tigh: Commander! I’m receiving an emergency communique from Croft in the landing bay. Adama: An emergency in the landing bay? What could that be? Tigh: It’s the place where our Vipers and shuttles land, but that’s not the question. Croft says Apollo has a new girlfriend. Adama: (Beginning to smile.) Why, that’s wonderful news! Tigh: He says she’s a very pretty girl. Adama: Nothing wrong with my son having a pretty girlfriend. Tigh: He says her name is Siress Cordelia. Adama: Unusual name, but I won’t complain about that. Tigh: He says she’s Siress Belloby’s niece. Adama: What!?! No, no, tell me you’re joking! Tigh: I’m joking. Adama: Whew! Tigh: But it’s still tto go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long,rue. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-ef And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you dto go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long, we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my sealerue. Or at least that’s what Croft’s telling me. Adama: Oh, no...that can’t be... He can’t date a member of that family... Tigh: Why not? Just because you don’t like being pursued by Siress Belloby- Adama: No, Tigh, you don’t understand. This is more than just personal between Belloby and me. This goes back generations, to the very founding of Caprica... Tigh: Forgive me being skeptical, sir, but how can your panic where Belloby’s concerned go back millennia to the founding of Caprica? Adama: Tigh, what I tell you now is strictly private, and must be held in the closest confidentiality. Tigh: Sir, if you say it’s confidential, I say it’s confidential. So what’s so confidential? Adama: According to the great mystic Ee-ef-hutton... Adama glances around the bridge full of avidly listening bridge officers. Adama: Clear the bridge. With much grumbling, the bridge crew files out, leaving Adama and Tigh alone. Adama: As I was saying, according the great mystic Ee-ef we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my seale-hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you thi we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my sealed orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on all-hutton of the Gemonese, there are certain of the ancient houses of Kobol that must never intermarry because of the impact it would have on their psychic auras, intelligence, and behavior! Belloby’s family - the house of Somers - and my family - the house of Greene -- are two of those houses. When members of the houses are together, neither of them is capable of being their true selves. We lose our common sense, our coordination, our skill. Tigh: What kind of bovine felgercarb is that? Adama: No, it’s true, Tigh! Haven’t you noticed? Belloby doesn’t believe it, but I don’t avoid her just because she’s loud, abrasive, and tried to goose me at a formal honors ceremony when I was receiving the Royal Star of Pure Kobol medal! Whenever Belloby’s around, I lose my ability to concentrate. I get the shakes. I have panic attacks. Tigh: So does every man who’s ever met her! Adama: No! It’s the impact of our houses! I can barely function when she’s around! Tigh: And you thid orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on alloing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and snk the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have d orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on all the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot nk the same thing would happen to Apollo if he married Belloby’s niece? Adama: I’m sure of it. Tigh: (Enlightened.) That would explain what Croft meant when he said Apollo and Athena were both stumbling all over themselves when Siress Cordelia showed up... I thought it was just a figure of speech, that he was exaggerating. Adama: He wasn’t exaggerating, Tigh. Apollo and Cordelia must not be together. And she must never be allowed in the bay when he’s launching or landing! The effect is insidious! And we have no way of knowing how far it extends. I must send him somewhere safe... Apollo enters the bridge. Apollo: Hello, father! I’m here to deliver my report - hey, where’s the bridge crew? Adama: They’re on a caff break. Apollo, I’m sending you on a mission. A long mission... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Bojay say, "So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot aying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neveto go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long,the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxinto go along?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 60 Scene: The launch bay, where Boomer and Bojay are waiting for Apollo. Bojay: So let me get this straight, the Commander’s sending Apollo on a long mission, and we have to go along? Why’s that, again? Boomer: We’re supposed to make sure he launches safely. Bojay: That’s ridiculous. Nobody launches more safely than Apollo. He can do the pre-flight in his sleep. He can do it with his eyes closed. He can do it with a fever. He can do it on his head. He could it from his bed. He could do it- Boomer: We know, Bojay, we know. Bojay: And what was Croft in such a hurry to do, anyway? Boomer: He was supposed to keep Cordelia away from the launch bay and away from Apollo on the way to the launch bay. Bojay: Why? Boomer: I don’t know. I didn’t give the order. I let the Colonel worry about things like that. Bojay: (Sighing.) I hear Belloby is throwing another party in the O Club tonight. If we’re out too long,the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxin the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot r been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his ha we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my seales in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on t we’ll miss it. Boomer: She does tend to grow on a guy...as long as you don’t let her too close. Apollo enters the launch bay, dressed in civilian clothing. Boomer: Hey! Look who got outta uniform! Bojay: Hubba-hubba, nice fit! Apollo: Hi, guys, don’t razz me about it, I didn’t ask to wear civilian clothes. It’s Commander Adama’s orders. I had to borrow these from Starbuck’s locker - I don’t even have any civilian clothes! Boomer: Tell me about it. The last time we went on furlon, you spent the whole time in uniform - made me feel like I was in warrior security hands! I swear, there were people who thought you’d just arrested me and Starbuck for being AWOL! Apollo: Except for the fact that we were laughing and having a good time! Boomer: Well, Starbuck and I were laughing. Couldn’t tell if you were having a good time or not. Bojay: So what’s the mission? And how come we’re still in uniform if you’re not? Apollo: I’m going on deep patrol. Here are my seales in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on tthe Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxind orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on allir.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, he Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you d orders. Bojay: How come you opened ‘em? Apollo: I had to know where I was going, didn’t I? Boomer: Isn’t deep patrol a tad dangerous just now? Considering we just fought off a Cylon attack - or the Black Ovines fought off an attack, since we were busy avoiding a fire on the Rising Star? Apollo: I reminded the Commander of that. He said that was one of the reasons he was sending me - he knew I could handle anything, and I might have to. Bojay: And what are we supposed to do? I mean, since we’re in uniform and all. Apollo: Escort me as far as the edge of the fleet, then fly a regular patrol and return as if nothing had happened. Bojay: You read that part, too, huh? Apollo: I had to know what to tell you guys, didn’t I? Bojay: Do you always read everybody’s secret orders? Apollo: I have to, Bojay. I have to know what’s going on. And some day, you never know when, I might suddenly find myself in command of this battlestar - and if I don’t have a handle on allhe Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you s in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on t the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot what the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (and that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better si the secret orders and covert missions going on, it could be disastrous. So, let’s go. Boomer: After you. You get the modified CORA, I presume? Wilker’s been working on her for a centar. Apollo: And you two get the regular Vipers. (Glancing around and sighing.) I wish I could say good bye to Cordelia, but Father said there was no time to waste. Oh, well, I’ll just have to hurry back to her. The pilots launch. Wilker and Adama step out of the shadows. Adama: You programmed CORA as I instructed? Wilker: I did, Commander. With pleasure. Adama: Good. Hopefully by the time he returns, he’ll have this Cordelia out of his system - or at least she and Siress Belloby will be off the Galactica! Wilker: Are you really sure this was....uh, necessary? Adama: It was the only thing I could do. It’s for his own good... Rigel: (On overhead speakers.) Commander Adama, please report to Life Center. Adama: Now what? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot and that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better sihe Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxinWatching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Thathe Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could have been much worse." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 61 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica. Dr. Salik and Med Tech Nova are standing beside Athena, who is sitting on a life pod bed with two wrapped ankles and a bandage on her forehead. The med tech is running the bone fuser over her arm, and a worried looking Cordelia is holding her other hand. Cordelia: Oh, Athena, I’m so sorry. I should have said something about the seam in the deck plating. Athena: It wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. I feel so clumsy today - I’ve been stumbling over everything since we got back from the Rising Star. I suppose I shouldn’t wear such high strappy heels. (To Salik, hopefully.) Maybe I’m suffering smoke inhalation from the fire on the Rising Star, and need to go on a long medical recuperation period? Salik: No, I’ve checked your lungs - thoroughly - no smoke inhalation; you’re breathing just fine. And there’re no smoke-related toxint down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could beand that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better sis in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on tt’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space t down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could bes in your system. It’s not from the fire. Nova: There, good as new. Nova takes the bone fuser and leaves the room, and is nearly run over as Adama rushes in. Adama: Dr. Salik! What is it? Salik: Hello, Adama. Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as we first feared. Athena had a broken arm, two sprained ankles, and a concussion. We’ve already taken care of the broken arm. It could have been much worse, but Athena will be fine. Adama spots Cordelia. Adama: (Under his breath.) Oh, no, it’s happening... Cordelia: (Looking miserable and apologetic.) I just feel so awful. I shouldn’t have asked to see the ship! I should have warned you about the crack in the floor! I should have caught you when you fell! I shouldn’t have let you drop into that garbage chute! I should have- Athena: It’s all right, Cordelia - thank goodness you were able to call the sanitation crew and stop the trash compactor walls from closing in on me in time. I just won’t wear those shoes on t a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions,t down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could behe Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you with CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions,he Galactica again... Cordelia: Or anywhere else. The heels broke when you caught them in the floor seam. Athena: The heels broke? The heels of my shoes specially made to go with original one-of-a-kind Ganymede gown? Adama: Cordelia, move away from Athena! Cordelia: Because she broke her shoes? Adama: No. Because she sprained her ankles, broke her arm, has a concussion, fell through a garbage chute, and was nearly turned into an Athena colorform because of you! Athena: Father! That’s uncalled for! The shoes aren’t important to me - well, they’re important, but not that important! Cordelia: Commander Adama! My aunt Belloby has told me so much about you! And now that I’ve met Apollo, I know it’s all true - you couldn’t have a wonderful son like him - and a wonderful daughter like Athena - if you were anything other than the way aunt Belloby describes you. Adama: Back off, you member of the House of Somers, you! Bad enough you’ve let my son fall in love with you it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions,and that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better siof a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from and that my daughter considers you a friend! Stay away from me! Cordelia’s perfectly-shaped lip quivers as tears well up in her sapphire blue eyes. She turns and runs out the door, nearly running over Nova. Nova glares after her, then hands Salik a computron. Salik scans the report, looking grim. Salik: Did you follow up as I asked? Nova: I did, doctor. Sergeant Jolly’s on the way, with the child. They should be here within a few centons. (She helps Athena to hobble to her private ward.) Adama: How come when I call anybody, it takes centars for them reach me - but they answer you in a few centons? Salik: Maybe they haven’t figured out the difference between centars and centons? Took me forever to get ‘em straight... Jolly and Damian, f/k/a Child #666, enter Life Center. Jolly: Hi, Dr. Salik. We’re here, as requested. What’s up? Was there something wrong with Damian’s physical last secton? Salik: Hello, Jolly. Commander, Sergeant, I think you’d all better siacross the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard th it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from t down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could beright...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silenacross the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard thacross the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard th a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions,ce.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have not down... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Salik say, "It could be the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 62 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Damian have just arrived from the Jolly and Cassie Ship to join Salik and Adama. Adama: This sounds very serious, Salik. Salik: I believe it is, Adama. Serious enough to put the survival of the entire fleet at risk. Adama: Go on, Salik. Salik: I’m not kidding. Adama: Drat. All right, keep talking. Salik: Sheba stopped by long enough to have a genetic test taken - she wanted to confirm that she’s Cain’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, which we were able to do because we’ve got both of their records. Adama: Hmm, I can see where that would be serious. If Sheba were actually not Cain’s daughter, then I’ve made her part of the family for nothing. And there’s no harm done that she and Apollo have broken up. That could bee Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that the Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that the Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that th it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from a good thing. Salik: The tests confirm it - Sheba is Cain’s daughter. Adama: Oh. Well, then I guess I’d better keep her in the family so I can keep an eye on her. No telling what the daughter of Commander Cain would do if she thought no one was watching. Jolly: Dating Reese, for one thing. But how does this involve me and my son Damian? Salik: Well - hey, Jolly, what’s that on the sides of your neck? Jolly: Uh, nothing, why? Salik: No, really, it looks like...gills? Jolly: Nah, couldn’t be. Cassie was probably just a little...overeager last night. Let’s not talk about it in front of the kid. Salik: Probably a good idea, since Cassie was a socialator and then became a med tech and is now a mother...but I’d like to check you out, afterward. Jolly: No problem, doc. But the test? Salik: Right. Going back to the genetic test. When I was reviewing the rather unique results, it hit me. They reminded me of something else. When I went to check my suspicions, choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you see records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? e records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? e records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? across the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard th it was confirmed. So I asked Jolly to bring over the child - and only that one child. Which you have done, Jolly, and I appreciate it. Adama: And? Salik: The test confirmed it - Sheba is the mother of one of Jolly and Cassie’s children. Adama: What? But that’s impossible! There has to be a mistake, Salik. There’s nothing in her record about having had a child - and she certainly hasn’t had one since she came aboard from the Pegasus, I think someone would have noticed. Salik: I double checked the results, Commander. There’s no mistake. That is Sheba’s child. Adama: (Glancing at Damian.) Could that be? Salik: Only if she had the shortest pregnancy in Colonial history - but the test says Sheba is definitely Damian’s mother. The test doesn’t reveal who the father was - but I’ve never seen DNA like that. (Aside.) Doesn’t match Apollo’s at all, Commander; I checked, figuring you’d want to know. Adama: Thank you, Salik, I appreciate it. Damian: (Piping up from cretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed orders Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is e Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that thacross the room - he has great hearing.) But daddy told me that my mom’s name was Rosemary, before he left me on the orphan ship to go save the universe. Jolly: When did I tell you that? Damian: Not you, my real dad. Jolly: And who was that? Damian: His name was Iblis. Jolly: He told you he was going to save the universe? Damian: Yeah. And then he said it was all going to be mine. The adults stare at one another. Jolly: Commander, I think we’re in trouble. Adama: Jolly, I think we’re past trouble... Call Sheba. Get her back to the Galactica, immediately, whatever it takes... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "There must be another explanation." _______________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Kent, broadcasting this medical emergency throughout the fleet. Lieutenant Sheba, if you’re within the sound of my voice, please report immediately to Life Center aboard th, his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our cnearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now nearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now nearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now e records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? e Galactica. It’s extremely urgent that you report at once. If our information is correct, the very survival of the fleet may depend upon it. Now, for the rest of us, let’s calmly enjoy the ninth-secton installment of-" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 63 Scene: Life Center of the Galactica, where Salik, Adama, Med Tech Nova, Jolly, and a child named Damian await the return of Sheba. Unobserved by any of them, various items begin to rise off consoles in the background and float around for a while before dropping to the floor or into life pods. Salik: Sheba’s records from the Pegasus didn’t show any child - and she’s been on active duty since she came aboard, she hasn’t had time to have a child. Especially one this size! Adama: Dr. Salik, there must be another explanation! Salik: I can’t even think of one explanation, much less another one. Adama: (With foreboding.) Where Iblis’ concerned, one explanation is one too many... Salik: Could Sheba have a sister that thasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeakknown to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was known to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is known to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was walking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enos echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the wwalking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enoe records just missed for some reason? Adama: (Shaking his head.) No, I’ve known Cain for yahrens. He and his wife only had one child. And knowing Cain, the records wouldn’t have missed another child! He’d have made sure of it! Salik: How about a child...with someone else? Adama: Cain? No, he was too much of a glory daggit. If he’d had a mistress, before Cassie, she’d have been beautiful and elegant and he would have showed her off to every other commander in the fleet. Salik: That would fit... Sheba finally enters. Adama: Hello, Sheba. Damian: You think she’s my mother? That’s crazy! Sheba: (Staring at the child.) What? Adama: Uh...Dr. Salik has something to tell you. Salik: Uh...Med Tech Nova has something to tell you. Nova: What? Not me! I didn’t see the tests. I don’t have anything to tell her. Sheba: (Glaring.) Will somebody please tell me what the problem is that has the whole fleet looking for me? Salik: Sheba, have you ever had a baby? nearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now walking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enough of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. riters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commanugh of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. Sheba: What? Adama: Now, Sheba, I know you’ve gone through a lot in the last few yahrens, but think hard... Sheba: No! I think I’d remember if I had a child! After all, it does rather take a while! And it would be my father’s grandchild - do you think I’d forget about my own father’s grandchild? Salik: Does she ever think of herself at all? Adama: Constantly. But always in relation to Cain or to Apollo or to Bojay - I don’t recall her ever mentioning herself in relation to herself. And still she complains that Apollo thinks too much of Serina... Med Tech Nova finally observes the floating instruments. The instruments also seem to notice her, and begin following her. Nova: Dr. Salik... Salik: Just a moment, Nova. This is important. Nova: So is this... Salik: I’m talking to the Commander and to Sheba, Nova. It can wait. Nova: I don’t think so... As a number of instruments close in on her like some grade-B horror flick, Nova runs to the door, where she is known to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was ugh of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. I had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what abouder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens orI had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what abounearly run over as Cassie enters. Cassie looks even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than she did back in Episode 35. The instruments all drop with a crash. Nova looks around wildly, and crawls out the door without bothering to stand up. Cassie: Hello, Jolly, hello, everyone. What’s the emergency that took one of my precious angels off my ship? Sheba: (Doing a double take at Cassie.) Say, Cassie, how long is that party going to last, anyway? I’m not trying to be insulting, but that’s not really your look... Cassie: This? (Negligently flipping her hair.) Oh, I thought I’d try something different for a change. Now, what’s going on? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Why is there a snake in my turbotub?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 64 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica, where a troubled Adama and Salik are staring at an odd looking Jolly and Cassie, and their erstwhile Child #666, now walking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enoI had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what about Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tt Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode known to be known by the name of Damian. Athena hobbles in from her private room. Athena: Dr. Salik, why is there an ophidine in my turbotub? I’d like to take a bath! Salik: An ophidine? What’s that? Athena: A snake! Didn’t you read your Colonial animal jargon for the week? Salik: Oh. There’s a snake in your turbotub? What kind? What’s it doing there? Athena: That’s what I’m asking you! Greenbean staggers out of another private room, looking terrible. Adama: Lt. Greenbean! What are you doing here? Salik: He’s recovering from Siress Belloby’s latest party in the O Club. I swear, that woman is going to keep me busy for the next twenty yahrens just treating hangovers! Greenbean: Please stop making so much noise...And why is there red and green stuff running down the walls of my room? It looks like blood! Athena: Green blood? That’s ridiculous. Salik: There’s what? Nova, could you- Where did that med tech go? Sheba: She was crawling out of here as I was ugh of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. t Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides ake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew t65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides I had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what abou65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides himself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married Johat, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epihimself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married Jowalking in. Salik: Hmm, I wonder if there’s a connection between all of this. Ophidines in the turbutubs, red stuff on the walls, Nova crawling on the floor... Jolly, you didn’t bring more of your kids over, did you? Jolly: Just Damian. I remember what happened the last time we brought over a hundred kids over - I forgot some of ‘em and this whole mess got started. Sheba: Can we get back to me? I don’t get that much screen time! Salik: You get more than me! Greenbean: And me! Sheba: But I’m supposed to be one of the stars! You’re just recurring supporting characters. Athena: And what am I then, chopped liver? Where’s my screen time? Jolly: I’m supposed to be one of the stars too, you know. And how much screen time did I every get? Except when I was taking care of Boxey? Cassie: Oh, but that brought us together, punkin, we both wound up babysitting all the time! Jolly: (Grinning like a demented idiot.) Yeah, that’s right, sweetie... Adama: All right, enot Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode himself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married Jough of who gets the screen time and who doesn’t, back to Sheba and this mysterious child... Sheba, do you remember anything...unusual or peculiar happening when Iblis was here? Besides the things we already know about? The plants growing wildly, the white lights, Baltar giving himself up, the there-and-gone radiation on that planet, the mysterious ship of lights, the possible death of my son, the coordinates to Earth? Sheba: Well, I do remember having this strange and vivid dream...the night Apollo couldn’t be bothered to even flirt with me or be jealous...and the mysterious Count Iblis said that only he understood me, inside and out, and promised me I’d be reunited with my father, and that my father’s descendants could rule the cosmos if I would let him - Iblis, I mean - join with me the way he wanted to, and have me for his queen. Adama: Tell me about your dream. Sheba: (Shrugging in embarrassment.) I dreamed...well, Iblis did things to me that Apollo never even tried. 65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides sode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! Clly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena islly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena islly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena ishimself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married JoI had a baby. My father came back and was so pleased to have a grandson he could raise in his own image. Then we took over the universe. That’s all. But in the morning, I obviously didn’t have a baby, and my father obviously wasn’t here, and we obviously didn’t get to take over the universe. And by the end of the day, Iblis was gone, and that was that. Adama: (Whispering.) Iblis... Salik: Commander, what are we going to do? We can’t let the child of Iblis run loose in the fleet! Can you imagine what might happen? Adama: Considering there were objects floating around your Life Center ever since he got here - yes, I noticed, I notice everything - and we now have ophidines in turbotubs and walls running blood-red, I don’t even want to consider the possibilities. Greenbean: And don’t forget running green, too! Cassie: That’s probably just your eyes trying to compensate for the red on the wall and the alcohol in your system. It’s likely not green. Adama: But what abouome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the o obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, wherelly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena ist Damian? What are we going to do about Iblis and Sheba’s child? Jolly: Don’t worry, sir, if we can handle Boxey, we can handle this little rogue demon spawn. Cassie: Absolutely, Commander. Besides, he’s so adorable, there’s got to be a good side to him, we just need to make sure it comes out and that it’s stronger than whatever side Iblis happens to have left. Adama: What about Cain’s side? Jolly: Well, that might be a little harder, but I think we can deal with that too. Adama: It’s a huge responsibility you’re taking on, Jolly, Cassie. Are you sure you’re up to it? Jolly: We’ll give it our best. C’mon, Damian. Jolly and Cassie each take one of Damian’s hands, and the happy family strolls out of Life Center. Athena: Father, are you sure that was wise? I mean, did you see her hair? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Sheba say, "I could never see anyone calling me mother." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode ther. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggit the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of the the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of the obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where65 Scene: Still in Life Center, where Jolly and Cassie have just taken Damian back to their ship, leaving Adama, Salik, Athena, Greenbean, and Sheba. Greenbean: Excuse me, I gotta find a turboflush... Having made his obligatory residual appearance, Greenbean departs at warp speed. Now it’s just Adama, Salik, Athena, and Sheba. Adama: I suppose we should have asked you, Sheba. Do you have any objection to Jolly and Cassie adopting and raising your son? Sheba: (Shrugging.) Not really. I could never see anyone calling me mother. Athena: (Nodding sagely.) That’s one of the reasons Apollo could never really become deeply involved with you. Until a few sectons ago, he always had to think about Boxey whenever he considered future relationships. After all- Sheba: If you mention her name, I will space you. Athena: I wasn’t going to say it. I just wanted to point out that as a widower and a father, Apollo had certain responsibilities; he had to consider someone besides ! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards and Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards and the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of the the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of thehimself. Sheba: Oh, like he ever considers anybody besides himself! He gets to be the hero! He gets to be the noble commander’s son with the great personal tragedy in his past and all the angst that goes with it! He gets to command the Galactica next! He gets to put down my father! Hmm, thinking about it, maybe I’m not ready to sign away all my rights to that kid. Adama: Why not? Sheba: If my father comes back, he’ll want to know his grandson, won’t he? Maybe I’ll just sign some fosterage papers... After all, Cassie and I were best friends, it would be reasonable for me to have her raise my child when I’m away nobly risking my life for the sake of the fleet, right? And it’s certainly better than pretending to be a parent like Apollo did, for so long. And the fact that Cassie and my father almost married, almost makes her family. So it’s like Damian’s staying with his aunt. Or even his grandmother, right? After all, if Cain and Cassiopeia- Salik: But she married Jo when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Nov staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can they staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can they Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards and Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards andlly. Sheba: Only after my father was missing again and presumed lost. Athena: But she chose to stay with Starbuck, doesn’t that- Sheba: Did it last? No. So it didn’t really mean anything. She would have gone back to my father, if he had been here to go back to. And now that I've rationalized that, I’m going back to my duty. There are mushies still to find! Sheba leaves Life Center, defiance in every move. Salik: Talk about delusional... Athena: It’s probably just something post-partem... Adama: Doctor, do you think she’s fit for duty? Salik: That is not a fair question to ask about anybody in the fleet just about now. Do you want me to take her off duty? Adama: No, not at all! We need her, we need our warriors...and she’s still functional, even if she’s a little fixated... (Glances at Athena.) Hmm... Salik: What is it, Commander? Adama: Cordelia’s still on this ship. If she’s anything like Belloby, we know she’ll be around, and her influence on Athena isa: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tiki be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tiki staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can they staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can they obviously just as bad as her influence on Apollo... Salik: So? Adama: That means Athena won’t be functional. Salik: Do you want me to declare Athena unfit for duty? Adama: Actually, yes. And then I’m going to reassign her. Athena: Father! You can’t do that! Adama: Yes, I can. I’m the commander. And I’m reassigning you to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, to teach the children there that you currently teach here. Athena: No! Adama: It’s get you away from Cordelia’s influence, and it’s only as long as she stays on the Galactica with her aunt Belloby. Athena: You can’t do this to me! I’m your daughter! Adama: Salik, have somebody make sure my daughter gets to the shuttle to the Jolly and Cassie ship - and see that she stays on it. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 66 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, whereDoctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Sali: What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To : What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tiki be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tiki the bridge crew are returning from their caff break, still carrying their mugs of caff. Among the bridge crew are Lt. Tiki (Omega's replacement) and Corp. Rigel. Tigh: Where’s mine? Rigel hands him a cup of caff and takes her seat at her station. Tigh: (Making a face as he sips.) There’s definitely something wrong with this caff. Tiki: It’s kinda bitter, flat, and stale-tasting - doesn’t have that fresh-brewed smell and flavor. Tigh: The color’s a little off, too. Rigel: There’s been something wrong with it since the day that Zara tried to interview me about the attempted bakeryship hijacking. Tiki: It’s almost as if somebody replaced our fresh-brewed caff with frozen caff crystals. Rigel: You don’t think anyone would have done that to us, do you? Say, Zara said... The thought percolates for a few centons, and people start getting steamed. Tiki: She’s on the prison barge, isn’t she? Rigel: Confirmed, Lieutenant! Tiki: We could, oh, maybe, send some of thek. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful talk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. talk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. : What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To : What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To Black Ovines out for a little target practice, couldn’t we, Colonel? Tigh: (Sternly.) That would be extremely unethical and in violation of every code of civilized conduct, to send our brave and valiant warriors to blow up a ship full of criminals, convicts, lawbreakers, thieves, muggers, arsonists, terminators.... Tiki: Probably wouldn’t hurt the terminators. Tigh: Along with rumrunners, bootleggers, smugglers, bikers, dastardly deed doers, lunch money snitchers, social offenders, people who run red lights, men who forget to put the turboflush seat down, women who hang turbohose over the turboshower curtain, and offenders of all genders who don’t put the lid back on the turbo toothpaste tube. Tiki: Baltar’s there too, isn’t he? Rigel: Also confirmed. Tiki: Is that enough, huh, Colonel, huh? Zara and Baltar and all the other wretched scum of the galaxy? Can we send the Black Ovines to blow them up? Please? Please? Can we? Tigh: All of our prison barge guards andcommander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of go Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of gotalk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. talk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. staff are there too! Tiki: (Shrugging.) Collateral damage. Tigh: There will be no more talk of blowing up the prison barge. Not even if Zara did replace our fresh brewed caff with frozen caff crystals! It’s not as anybody there would be a real loss - but it’d be kinda hard to miss that it was our pilots who shot at it - and then we’d have to put them on trial, and then there’d be a scandal, and the Council would probably have a field day with it, and so would IFB, and next thing you know, we’d have another Council representative here as an aide to keep an eye on everything we do. And I don’t know about you, but I had enough of that with Tinia! The bridge crew is silent for a moment. Newscaster Kent and his videolator slip out from under a console. Kent: (Whispering.) Did we get that? Good. So you see, people of the fleet, how important it is that we maintain the morale of our warriors. Without adequate supplies, including such essentials as fresh caff, how can theyif you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to wod aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolod aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jol Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of go Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of go be prepared to face our enemies? How can they defend us from the silver menace of the Cylons? And yet, one may well ask, how does one respond to the military mentality when it reaches the point of suggesting that it’s all right to blow up the prison barge because one had a bad cup of caff? Without the stern hand of authority, what might have happened here today? And yet, one must also consider the implications of expending our limited resources to continue to maintain a ship full of criminals who contribute nothing to the common good, men and women who have already rejected the rules of civilized society. Are they then still entitled to the rights of civilized society, including the right to not be blown up by the Black Ovines... The crew gradually notices the report going on underfoot, and begins peering over and around consoles to stare at them. Kent and his videolator notice they’re being watched, and try to sneak to the door. Tigh: Get ‘em! The crew pounces. Tikirite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather ly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (Afterly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (Afterod aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolod aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jol: What do we do with them, sir? Tigh: What we always do. Wrap them up like kobolian mummies and throw them in the closet. Oh, and wrap up that camera, too. No point in the Council hearing what I really think of them. Tiki: Right, sir! With more enthusiasm than they’ve shown all day, the bridge crew complies, and the IFB personnel are swiftly wrapped and closeted. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Kanine say, "Do not listen to him, doctor." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 67 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where an obviously down-in-the-dumps Wilker is walking, followed by his faithful companion Kanine. Boyington: (Voice from shadows) Psst! Hey, Dr. Wilker. Wilker: (Freezing. It’s cold in that corridor.) What? Who’s there? What do you want? Boyington: (Stepping out of shadows, glancing around surreptitiously.) It’s me - Major Boyington, of the Black Ovines. Wilker: What do you want? Boyington: To win Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t do a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t doly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (Afterly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (Aftertalk to you. Wilker: You’ve talked. I’ve got work to do. Good bye. Boyington: No! I mean, really talk...talk about... (Glancing around again and voice dropping to a whisper.) ...a project. Wilker: What kind of project? Kanine: (Piping up.) Doctor, I do not think it would be wise to talk to this man. According to the records in my databanks, associating with the Black Ovines can lead to disaster for one’s career. Either that, or incredible advancement. Boyington: A secret project. A covert activity. Something that you never have to tell Commander Adama about. Kanine: Please reconsider talking to this man, doctor. Wilker: Oh, be quiet, Kanine. Major, I would never do anything antithetical to the welfare of the fleet- Boyington: I’m not talking about anything that would hurt anybody. Just a little favor that would help us - the Black Ovines. Wilker: (Considering.) Well, maybe... What do you need? Boyington: We need a mascot. Wilker: I’m not interested. you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thought that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t do a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t do Boyington: No, not you! C’mon, doc - we’ve been without a mascot since the evacuation from the Colonies. And it’s really taking a toll on the morale of my pilots. They need a new mascot. And you’re the only one who can do it. Kanine: Do not listen to him, doctor. Wilker: Why me? And how? Boyington: You built Muffey. And you built this Kanine contraption. We think you’re just the man to build us a daggit too. Wilker: I am not building another daggit! I nearly got spaced after everybody found out just how irritating Muffey really was. I disobeyed orders to make Kanine, and Commander Adama’s ready to make me build my new lab on the prison barge. If I do it again, I might wind up on the wrong side of the landing bay force screen! Boyington: C’mon, he wouldn’t really space you! Wilker: I’d rather not put it past him! Kanine: This is wise, doctor. Continue to refuse. Boyington: Can we bribe you? My men really need this mascot. How about a couple bottles of go so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: don’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Whydon’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Why that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I od aged ambrosa - the real thing, not that O Club stuff. Wilker: (Determined.) I can’t be bribed- Boyington: How about if we bring you back something special from our next mission? Wilker: Something...special? Boyington: Something new. Something alien. Some little piece of technology you can disassemble and experiment with to your heart’s content. Wilker: (Eyes glazing over.) Alien...technology... Boyington: (Coaxingly.) New tools... New toys... Secrets you can bury yourself in for days, even sectons... Technical mysteries that only you can solve... Wilker: I’ll...do...it... Boyington: Gee, thanks, doc, you won’t regret it. Oh, by the way, make sure it doesn’t talk, okay? That Kanine is a little irritating. Wilker: Right... Boyington vanishes back into the shadows. Kanine: Doctor, that was not wise. Wilker: I’ll take the vocal subprogram out of you too if you don’t shut up. Kanine: Shutting up, doctor. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jol are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didnDo either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He di are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didndon’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Whydon’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Whyly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear CORA say, "Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 68 Scene: Captain Apollo is in space, flying CORA. Apollo: (In a sing-song, longing voice, pausing between lines.) Oh, my dear Cordelia... I’ll be so glad to return to ya... Cordelia, my sweet, my sweet... Here I am, at your feet... To the celestial dome we’ll be stealing... Until the day of our sealing... Then forever you’ll be mine... Our hearts will be as one entwined... CORA: Oh, please! I wish you wouldn’t do that. Apollo: Do what? CORA: Sing. Apollo: I wasn’t singing. CORA: All right, stop making up bad poetry in a sing-song voice. It gets on my nerves. Apollo: I didn’t know Vipers had nerves. CORA: (Petulantly.) I’m not a mere Viper, I’m CORA. I’m programed with a personality. And my personality hates it when my pilot sings. Especially when he sings about another woman. Apollo: Oh. Okay, I won’t sing. CORA: (After’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our md? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just s’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our m are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didn are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didn a pause.) You know, you’re not like Starbuck. Apollo: (Startled.) Of course not. Why’d you say that? CORA: Just an observation. Starbuck would’ve made a witty comeback. Apollo: (Irritated.) I’m not Starbuck- CORA: That’s obvious! Apollo: But I can still make a witty comeback! CORA: Really? So do it! Apollo: I don’t have to, just because you said to. CORA: Hmph! So, where are we going today, Captain? Apollo: We’re taking a perimeter cruise of the fleet, then a little deep patrol for a day or so. CORA: Is that what they told you? Apollo: That’s what my secret orders say. CORA: (Chuckling.) Oh, honey, are you in for a surprise... Apollo: What do you mean? CORA: I have a different program. We’re going to be gone a bit longer than a day or so. Apollo: Impossible! (Tries to steer CORA, but fails.) Hey! Who locked up navigation? CORA: Dr. Wilker. And navigation isn’t the only thing that’s been pre-programmed. Apollo: Dr. Wilker! He wouldn’t doission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss thatuch a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her compission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss that’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our m’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our m that! CORA: He did. Apollo: I knew he was mad about the lab thing, but we told him his development lab was intact - and he wasn’t pleased that we wouldn’t let him experiment on that Terran shuttle, but that was a matter of principles - and just because we wouldn’t let him build any more daggits... How could he get away with this? This is mutiny! This is treason! This is against orders! CORA: This was your father’s orders. Apollo: (After a speechless moment.) My father? CORA: Yes. Apollo: Well, if my father made the decision...I trust him. I’ve always trusted him. Even when his decisions seemed to go against high command. And he’s always been right. If he thinks it’s the right thing to do, I think it’s the right thing to do. So, where am I going? And why? What does my father want me to do to save the fleet? CORA: We’re going after Starbuck. Apollo: What? Why? CORA: Who knows? Colonel Tigh asked that same question. And considering SAM is with him, I hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lovany. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lovission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss thatission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss thatdon’t know why either. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And neither do you. Apollo: If he thinks this’ll make us best buddies again... CORA: What did you two fight about, anyway? Apollo: Uh...let’s see... Things were pretty turbulent about that time... Hmmm....was it something to do with Sheba? Losing my pay voucher on one of his gambling systems and not getting paid back? A philosophical difference? One of the triad tournaments when we wound up on opposing teams? A residual resentment surfacing over everything with Zac and Serina’s deaths? That thing with Chameleon when Starbuck thought he might be his father? (Pause.) You know, CORA, I really don’t remember... CORA: You humans have really bad memories. Now, I remember every micron of my sentient existence. I remember the first time Wilker turned me on, and then- Apollo: CORA, shut up and fly. Tune in for the next exciting installment of "Jolly Forgot the Kids," when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "Whye with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he e with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me wi hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lov hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lov are we going back to Equellus?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 69 Scene: Apollo and CORA are in space, heading out for that long patrol that Adama ordered and Wilker programmed. Apollo: So where are we going, CORA? CORA: Don’t you want to be surprised? Apollo: If I wanted to be surprised, I wouldn’t open and read all my secret, sealed orders, now, would I? CORA: I suppose... All right, we’re going back to Equellus. Apollo: Equellus! Why are we going back to Equellus? Is that where Starbuck went? CORA: No. Apollo: Then why are we going there? CORA: It’s as good a place to start as any. Apollo: But Starbuck’s never been to Equellus! Why go there? CORA: Because your father said so. Apollo: Oh. In that case, Equellus is a great place to start. I’ll let Boomer and Bojay know, I’m sure they’ll love it- CORA: They’re not going with us. They’ve reached the end of their part of this mission and are already heading back to the fleet. Apollo: Why didnwas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: Okwas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: Okth the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tue with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he e with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he ay -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I supp’t they tell me? CORA: We’re under strict comm silence. Apollo: I didn’t know that! Who told them? CORA: (Smug.) I told them. Commander Adama’s orders. Apollo: Why is my father confiding in you what he’s not confiding in me? CORA: ‘Cuz I can be programmed not to tell until it’s time. You, on the other hand, as a human, could accidentally let something slip, or deliberately decide to say something you shouldn’t, or, if you were captured by Cylons, it could be horribly tortured out of you in all kinds of gruesome and agonizing ways. Like freezing it out of you with their cold cells. Or making you listen to Klingon opera. Or making you listen to your own poetry. Or making Marvin your 24-centar-a-day guard. Or playing mind games on you to make you think you really can go home again. Apollo: I wanna go home. For real. Marvin, ewh! CORA: You can’t. Not until we’ve completed our mission. Apollo: Until we find Starbuck. CORA: No, until we’ve completed our may -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I suppne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be cawas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: Okwas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: Okose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need weaission. Apollo: I thought you said that was our mission. CORA: That’s what the Commander said to tell you our mission was. Apollo: So what’s our real mission? CORA: I can’t tell you. Apollo: Can you tell me how long it’ll really last? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me where else we’ll have to go? CORA: No. Apollo: Can you tell me what that planet is up ahead? CORA: Equellus, of course. Apollo: Already? But I thought it would take days, maybe a secton, to reach Equellus! CORA: Well, the Commander’s been taking a roundabout route. I assume we go in? Apollo: If that’s what my father ordered... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "You fell in love with someone else?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite, taking over for the now-missing newscaster Kent, who has become one of several to disappear in the last few sectons. We all miss thatose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need weareful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do wiay -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I suppay -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I supppons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long eno hunka hunka journalator, some of us more than others. *Sigh.* Today we’re presenting our tenth-secton anniversary episode of this legendary saga. Unfortunately, Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbuck, two of the main highlights of the ongoing story and real hunks in their own right, *wink* aren’t here to enjoy it with us. So you’ll have to enjoy it enough for both of them. *Giggle.*" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 70 Scene: Equellus. A small ovine ranch outside of town. Apollo approaches cautiously, weapon drawn, looking for the woman and boy that he knows live here. The door opens, and a woman steps out onto the porch. Apollo: (Jumping athletically onto the porch beside her.) Vela! Vela: (Startled.) Yike! Oh...uh...Apollo...hi...you came back...oh, dear... Apollo: You don’t seem very happy to see me. After the way we said good bye, I figured you’d be waiting for me. Vela: Well, I might’ve been waiting, except...well, I met somebody. Apollo: You fell in lovpons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long enoth Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Fose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need weaose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need weaugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, e with someone else? Me, too! Who’d you meet? Vela: Oh, he’s wonderful. He’s a warrior, like Martin was, and like you are. I guess I’ve just got a thing for warriors. Apollo: A warrior? It wouldn’t happen to be Starbuck, would it? If it is, I’m gonna space him for stealing the beautiful, sensitive, loving woman who was ready to give me her heart, if I could’ve stuck around and become an oviner with her and spent the rest of my life here on this primitive planet, far from home and family, never able to fly again -- lords of Kobol, what was I thinking? Vela: Thanks for the memories, but no, the man’s name is Tolan. What’s a Starbuck? Apollo: Tolan? From the battlestar Pegasus? Him?!?! Vela: Yes! That’s the ship he said he was from! Apollo: That means the Pegasus was here! Is it still here? Where’s Cain? How did Tolan get here? Vela: He doesn’t really remember. He said there was a battle, and somehow he wound up in a life pod and the next thing he knew, he ugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, orgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him opons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long enopons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long enoI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning frowas landing in the back 40 in the middle of my flock of ovines. Scared ‘em out of half-a-yahren’s wool. Saved me a lot of time at shearing season. Apollo: Life pod? Colonial battlestars don’t have life pods! Vela: I wouldn’t know - but I know he arrived. And I found him. And we fell in love. And Puppis likes him too. And we’ve been happy together ever since. Apollo: That’s...great. As great as it can be, I mean. For him. I suppose. Since I wasn’t here, I can’t really say a lot about you meeting somebody else... Vela: Didn’t you say you met somebody else too? Apollo: Yes, I did. She’s great. A sweet siress named Cordelia. Vela: A sweet siress, huh. Sounds like an after-dinner drink. Apollo: (Delighted.) You’re jealous! Vela: (Irritated.) No, just making on observation. Apollo: (Aside.) Oh-oh, the last thing I need is another woman who’s ready to pick a fight - I had enough of that with Sheba. (To Vela.) Well, I guess I should be leaving. Vela: OkI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning frout of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly ugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, ugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, m the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knoway -- but, Apollo, what *is* a Starbuck? Apollo: If you don’t know, you haven’t met him. Consider yourself lucky. And now that I know you’re safe and happy, and Starbuck isn’t here - which is one of the reasons you’re safe and happy - I can go. Good bye, Vela. Vela: Buh-bye! As Apollo walks away, he glances back long enough to see Tolan come out of the house, and sweep Vela into a passionate embrace. As he stares, he feels something poke into his back. Puppis: You heard my mom, Apollo. Keep going! This is a numo, and as you should remember, I know how to use it! Hands in the air, Apollo marches away without looking back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But I didn’t bring my crayons!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 71 Scene: Still on Equellus. Apollo has just left Vela’s place, after discovering Puppis’s numo in his back, and is going to check on things in town before leaving. Apollo: I suppm the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knowgot spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident betI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning fro-It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeaose I should check in things in town. There’s no reason that Vela’s place would be the only possible landing site if Starbuck were here... A townsman on an equine rides up, pulls his mount to a stop, and jumps off. Dillon: (Eagerly.) Howdy, stranger! Apollo: Uh, howdy, whoever you are. Dillon: Name’s Dillon. Apollo: Name’s Apollo. I don’t remember meeting you the last time I was...in town. Dillon: I don’t remember you, either. I’m the new sheriff here. Apollo: Sheriff? Is that anything like a constable? Dillon: Same thing. So, stranger Apollo, it’s almost high noon. You here for the big one? Apollo: Big one? Uh, yes, of course, that’s why I’m here... Dillon: (Grinning.) Good. Let’s get to it - I gotta earn my salary. Apollo: You earn vegetables? Dillon: Salary, not celery. Now, draw! Apollo: But I didn’t bring my crayons! Dillon: No, your weapon! Apollo: But I didn’t bring that, either. I left it with CORA. I thought people didn’t need wea-It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeaI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning froween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thrs and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese pons here anymore, now that Red Eye is gone, unless they go out in the woods and have to worry about lupuses! Dillon: (Clearly disappointed.) Dang! Apollo, this is the western side of town, we all carry weapons. And drawing on each other is the big sport at high noon. That’s what high noon is for! Apollo: I didn’t know that. Sorry... Dillon: Well, I guess it’s a little much to expect a high noon every day... Apollo: Say, you haven’t run into another constable around here, have you? Blond guy, about my height? Likes to gamble? Dillon: Can’t say as I remember seeing anybody like that. Apollo: Any complaints from any of the town ladies about having met anybody like that? He’d got something of a history with the women. Dillon: Nope. Only person in town with that kind of history is me, now that Lacerta’s gone - and they only liked him because of the tribute he used to get. Say, you mentioned Red Eye - did you know him? Apollo: (Modestly.) Not really. Just long enom the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knowrs and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese m the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knowe darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell yturns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I knowugh to blow him away. Dillon: You were the one who blew away the only security this town ever had? Apollo: What? You can’t mean you liked him! Dillon: Of course not! And we hated having people killed by him - but since he went to that great Home Depot in the sky, everybody in town’s been armed and dangerous! We’ve lost more people in the last few sectars than we lost in the last ten yahrens! That’s why the town had to hire a sheriff and a dozen deputies! That’s why everybody plays high noon! Apollo: I thought you liked high noon! Dillon: It’s my job. I have to. That doesn’t mean I approve of you killing Red Eye, or that I like you! (Voice turning more dangerous.) In fact, I don’t think too many people in town are going to like you. If I were you, I’d be... Apollo: ...Leaving? Dillon: Right. Apollo: (Hastily.) Well, since it’s pretty obvious that Starbuck isn’t here, my mission here is done, and I guess I’ll be on my way... Don’t bother showing me the way, -It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeaturns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I know-It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeaou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be comm something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, nI can figure it out... My regards to Vi, and good bye! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Reese say, "You...resign?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 72 Scene: Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... Reese is forcibly carrying Athena to the launch bay, where a shuttle is waiting to carry her to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, where she will be forced to teach...the children. Yes, I know it’s been six episodes since Adama ordered her to go there - time is relative, you know. Meanwhile, the mysterious Siress Amanda watches. Athena: I’m not going! I’m not going! You can’t make me! Reese: (Smugly.) Yes, I can. Commander Adama ordered me to. Athena: I refuse! Reese: As long as you’re a warrior, you have to do what Commander Adama says. Athena: Then I resign! Reese is so shocked that he drops her. She quickly scrambles to her feet. Reese: You...resign? Athena: Yes! Reese: One of Adama’s children is resigning frors and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, nrs and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese issioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived m the warrior service? Athena: How many times do I have to repeat it? Yes, I resign! I resign, I resign, I resign! Reese: But what’ll you do if you’re not a warrior? Athena: I...I’ll think of something. But it won’t include those kids! Siress Amanda strolls closer. Amanda: Actually, Athena, I can think of exactly the right career move for a bright, intelligent, attractive career-minded young woman like you who can wear Ganymede’s creations like nobody’s business. Athena: What’s that? Amanda: Mannequin...uh, model! Athena: Model.... Hey, now that’s an idea... A dramatic scream echoes through the bay. Reese: What’s that? Athena: I don’t know! It sounded like a scream! Reese: I know it sounded like a scream. Where did it come from? Athena: Over there somewhere! Reese: I know it came from over there! Who was it? Athena: It sounded like a man! Reese: I know it sounded like a man! What does it mean? Athena: Well, if you want to keep playing Sire Knowturns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I knowot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 ot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 turns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I know-It-All, you can play with somebody else! Amanda, let’s talk about modeling... Amanda: That was a pretty dramatic scream - it might be a serious situation. Uh, Reese, since you’re security, don’t you think you should investigate? Reese: Who, me? Amanda: You’re the one who knows it all. Athena, I think this is a good time to let Reese do his job and let us get out of here. Amanda guides Athena toward the shuttle, leaving Reese staring in the direction of the scream. Lt. Tiki of the bridge crew runs out from the corridor. Tiki: Help! There’s been a murder! You, you’re security, aren’t you? Help! Reese: (Faintly.) I want my blankey... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Tinia say, "Life as we know it is over!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 73 Scene: A dark corridor aboard the Galactica. What appears to be a dead body is lying sprawled in the middle of the corridor. A very timid looking Reese appeaon the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________ something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, n Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: An Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: An something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, nrs and s-l-o-w-l-y approaches, on tiptoes. Which is not easy, considering his boots. Reese: (Whispering.) Hello? Are you awake? Can you wake up? The corpse does not answer. Reese: Yoo-hoo! Is anybody alive in there? Still no answer. Reese is now close enough to nudge the corpse with his boot, to no response. Reese: If you don’t answer, I’m going to have make an assumption about your state of existence, and I guarantee you, you won’t like it! I’ll have to assume you’re dead, and just think how bad the paperwork will be when you have to prove you’re not! I mean, I’ll have to fill out paperwork first, to say you’re dead, and everybody will get on my case when I’m wrong and I’ll probably get a demerit and wind up having to spend another couple sectons on the prison barge - hey, why am I bothering? If you can’t be bothered to tell me if you’re dead or not dead, I’m not going to be bothered to tell you about your paperwork! Get someone else to declare you dead! Reese ot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 ________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The stord he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had d he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had ot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 turns to stalk away. Adama: (Approaching from other end of corridor.) What’s going on? Reese screams and faints dead away. The faint, that is. He’s not dead. He doesn’t want to have to do his own paperwork on that either, and he knows the commander isn’t likely to be pleased at him declaring himself dead, especially at this point in time, with everything else that’s been going on in the fleet. Adama: (Quickly running to wall communicator.) Colonel Tigh! There’s a body in Section 3-Sigma, Corridor 38-Gamma, of Level 14-Delta, I think, or is it Corridor 14-Theta on Level 15 Epsilon? I can never keep them straight...anyway, commencing at the starboard side of the landing pod and continuing, oh, 25 cenitars abeam, or it 13 senitaurs from the port side? Oh, heck, just send warrior security to the location of this communicator! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) That would be the one nearest Siress Tinia’s personal quarters on the Galactica? Adama: Um, how would I know Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: Any isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Butthrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Whothrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Who Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: An something like that? Just send them here! Tigh: (Voice from wall communicator.) On the way, Commander. At the sound of footsteps, Adama quickly steps back into the shadows. Tinia: (Whispering as she lightly steps into the corridor.) Psst! Adama! Is that you? Adama: (Also whispering and stepping out of the shadows.) I’m here! I stopped at your quarters. You weren’t home! Tinia: I had to step out for a centon. What happened? Why are there two bodies in my corridor? Adama: There’s only one body - the other is just Reese. Tinia: Oh. Well, why is there one body in my corridor? Adama: I don’t know. I just arrived. Tinia: I thought you said you stopped at my quarters. Adama: I did -- I mean, I arrived here right after that. I came this way. More footsteps down the corridor. Adama and Tinia vanish into the shadows. Tinia: (Giggling and whispering.) Stop that! Somebody’s coming! Croft strides into view. He pauses at the sight of the body - the corpse, nd he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among othe else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for a else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for ad he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had ot Reese. Croft: What in hades? Lords of Kobol, it’s a body! Reese: (Stirring.) Oh, what hit me? Croft: Reese! What happened? Reese: To who? Croft: Why were you sprawled unconscious in the same corridor as a dead man? Reese: A dead man? Eep! (He collapses again.) Adama: (Stepping out of the shadows, Tinia right behind him.) Croft! Croft: Adama! Tinia! Don’t look, there’s a dead man here! Adama: We’ve already seen him, Croft. I reported it - and then I tried to stop our esteemed Councilwoman from having to encounter this body as she passed by, on her way - alone - to her billet. Croft: That’s your story? Adama: And I’m sticking to it. Croft: I’ll buy that. But who is he? Tinia: (Finally getting a good look.) Why, it’s Ganymede the couturier! Oh, no! Life as we know it is over! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo ask, "Was anybody else here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 74 thrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Whor things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughter micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughterthrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Who Scene: The corridor where Ganymede the couturier has apparently been murdered, now swarming with warrior security, along with a somber Adama, a quietly-sobbing Siress Tinia, a bored-looking Croft, and a still-unconscious Reese. A scruffy-looking, fumarello-smoking man in a Colonial version of a trench coat is studying the scene, and pauses to lift the blanket which now shrouds the body, pending the appropriate kobolian mummification for a man as well-known and well-off and well-loved as Ganymede - who still managed to avoid being videographed for twenty-some yahrens. Adama: Captain Columbo? Anything? Columbo: So this is how the mysterious Ganymede the couturier, the man who was never seen, but who personally dressed the richest siresses in the Colonies, ends up... Adama: How do you know him? Columbo: I’d like to be able to say he dressed my wife, but I never made the cubits for that. I met him, briefly, at a prior termination investigation, back on Caprica. Adama: An else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for aboth Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfully and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Alwa and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Alwa else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for ad he wasn’t the killer? Wow. Adama steps back and rejoins Tinia while Columbo continues perusing the scene. Medics arrive and prepare to cart off the body, but Columbo points to the still unconscious Reese. Columbo: No, he’s the one who needs medical attention. This guy...well, doesn’t matter to him if you ever get around to him. He’s gone to that great pyramid in the sky. Medic: Aren’t we in the sky? Columbo: Don’t get smart with me, I’m a detective with the Caprica City police force. Croft: I thought warrior security was going to handle this. Columbo: (With a genial tone and piercing eyes.) As a general rule, I don’t step on toes for things like this, but I don’t think anybody will mind if I snoop around a little, will they? Croft and the medic exchange glances. Croft: Columbo’s caught some of the most famous criminals in the Colonies - there isn’t a murder on Caprica that went unsolved when he got involved - even after local security and military security had micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughter. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition wys knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t youys knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t you micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughterthrown up their hands in despair, or incorrectly assumed it was suicide until he proved otherwise, or already had an innocent person imprisoned for it until he found the evidence to uncover the real terminator. He solved more perfect crimes than anybody I ever heard of - and I had lots of time to read up on that, when I was on the prison barge. Medic: (Shrugging.) I’ll just tend to the other guy, then. Was he the one who killed the dressmaker? Tinia: Couturier! He’s not a dressmaker! Medic: Whatever. Tinia: (Sobbing some more.) Oh, what’s going to happen to fleet fashion now? Columbo: (Turning to Adama and Tinia.) Was anybody else here? Adama: Yes, now that you mention it - I saw Reese leaving the scene as I came upon it. When I accosted him, he fainted! Columbo: You...accosted a security officer? A male security officer? Adama: Actually, I just asked him what was going on. Do you think he fainted from guilt? Columbo: Too early to tell, Commander... Who and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Alwaas brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all right think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Always knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t you else was here? Besides you and the lady, I mean. Adama: There was Croft... Croft: I didn’t show up until after you did! You stepped out of the shadows when I found the body! You were already here! Adama: Of course I was already here, I’d already called security. But how do we know you weren’t returning to the scene of the crime? Columbo: You think he was returning to the scene of the crime? Why’s that, Commander, if I may ask? Adama: Well, I don’t know... I’m just saying I don’t know if that was the soonest that Croft was in the corridor... Reese: (Gradually reviving.) We heard...a scream... Columbo: Who? Reese: Me...and Athena...and Siress Amanda, the blonde woman from the Rising Star...and Lt. Tiki...he came running... Columbo: Let me get this straight. You were all four of you together when you heard the scream? Reese: No, just three... In the launch bay... Tiki came running... Oh, Commander? Your daughter resigned... Adama stares in shock for aand a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Col, cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbeanand a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Colys knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t you think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, micron, then faints. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Siress Belloby say, "I heard there was a party going on, and I just had to join it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 75 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, the termination scene. Captain Columbo is still studying the scene. Siress Tinia is kneeling beside Adama, holding his head up. Croft it standing to one side; one of the warrior security officers hands him a report computron. Columbo: Do you think you’re up to answering questions now, Commander? Adama: Why am I being questioned? Columbo: You’re at the scene of a murder, sir. That means I have to ask you questions. Adama: But when you ask questions, that means you think people are guilty! Columbo: Somebody’s always guilty, sir. If there’s one inevitable fact I’ve discovered in all my yahrens of investigating willful terminations, it’s that somebody always did it. The corridor echoes with loud laughteronial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not always considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? onial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not always think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, and a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Col and the sound of footsteps. Adama: Oh, no... Siress Belloby... Belloby: Adama! Hello! I heard there was a party going on, and I had to join it! Adama faints again. Columbo: Hmm. There’s a lot of fainting going on around here... Croft: Uh, Siress Belloby, this is Captain Columbo. Captain, this is Siress Belloby. Columbo: We’ve met. Siress Belloby, I wouldn’t have expected you to be at the scene of a murder. You consider a termination investigation to be a party? Belloby: Columbo! I didn’t know you’d survived. Didn’t you used to be a lieutenant? Columbo: That was twenty yahrens ago on a planet far, far away. I got promoted. Belloby: Still got the same trench coat, I see. And that smells like the same fumarello. So who’s the stiff? Columbo: It appears to be Ganymede the Couturier. Tinia bursts into fresh tears. Tinia: What’ll we do? Who’ll design new creations for the Aquarian spring ball? Belloby: (Unimpressed.) Ganymede, huh? The bum. Alwa know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait Greenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip be know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait and a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Colonial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not alwaysys knew he’d come to a bad end. Columbo: Really? Why was that? Belloby: He refused to make a dress for me at my fourth marriage. The nerve. Some people don’t know quality. Or at least wealth. Columbo: I see. That’s quite a slight. Could understandably make a person angry. Could fester for yahrens. But would it be a motivation for murder? Belloby: (Laughing.) Don’t pull that trick with me, Columbo. My second husband was the one who taught it to you! Tinia: (Staring in amazement at Belloby.) How many husbands have you had, anyway? Belloby: Six. Tinia: Willingly?!?! Belloby: Good men, all of them. *Sigh.* I miss ‘em. Tinia: What happened to them all? And after six husbands, why do you keep chasing Adama? Belloby: They died. One thing or another. And I like Commander Adama. I’ve always liked him. My third husband was a lot like him. We could have some good times...if he weren’t so stuffy. He needs to unwind and loosen up a bit. Tinia: Don’t yougins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Belloba centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doia centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doionial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not always know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait y! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet ng about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the eleve think that’s a little hard to do when the safety of the fleet rests on his shoulders, every micron of every day? Belloby: All the more reason to loosen up in the off time, Tinia. So, Captain Columbo, how’d the overrated skirt-hemmer die? Columbo: I’m not at liberty to divulge that, just yet. I’d like to get the autopsy report first. Belloby: And besides, if you don’t release how he died, the terminator might give himself away with his too-thorough knowledge of the crime, thereby enabling you to look like a genius for figuring it out when all anybody had to do was keep their ears open? Columbo: (Grinning.) Looks like your second husband taught you a thing or two, too! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Captain Columbo say, "Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 76 Scene: The corridor on the Galactica. Adama, Tinia, Croft, Columbo, Belloby, Reese, a medic, ng about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the eleve know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait a centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doiyou - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yonth secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are and a security officer are present. Columbo: Nobody’s leaving this corridor until I figure out who did it. So, who could have had a motive for disposing of Ganymede... (Rubs his chin.) And we’ll have to figure out who had opportunity... Croft, did you that report I asked for? Croft: (Waving the computron.) I got it. Columbo: So what do we know about who’s been on this battlestar in the last few centars? Croft: Besides the 5,995 regular crew of the Galactica? Columbo: Besides them. Especially anyone who have left precipitously in that time frame. Croft: (Reviewing the report.) Well, we’ve got Jolly and Cassie and their kid, Damian. They left shortly before Ganymede’s termination was discovered. Columbo: Any motive? Croft: None that are apparent. Columbo: Who’s next? Croft: Captain Apollo and some of the warriors left on patrol about a centar before. As far as motive, I was present when Sheba, Athena, and Apollo argued about Ganymede’s significance to Colnth secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are a centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doing about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the eleveu, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Auntiyou doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this wouonial society. It appears to have been the first time Apollo became aware of his existence - and he didn’t seem thrilled about the man. At the time, Athena was wearing one of Ganymede’s gowns -- no idea how she came to have one; everyone knows how expensive they are. Adama: You’re not insinuating my son or daughter could have done this? Croft: I’m not insinuating anything. Oh, and Athena resigned the service only moments before the termination was discovered. Columbo: That’s suspicious. Next? Croft: Lt. Sheba just left on the continuing mushie hunt. And I understand there was an incident in Life Center just before she left, in which it was discovered that she had a child, which she had never before revealed to anyone. Reese: Sheba had a child? And she didn’t tell me? Adama: She didn’t know she’d had a child! Columbo: Pardon my ignorance in this, Commander, but it’s my understanding that, as a rule, women tend to know that they’ve had a child. They may not alwaysyou doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this woung about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the eleventh secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are e Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Counld be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epis know what happens to the child afterward, but they do know they’ve had one. Adama: Not in this case. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father, and she just discovered it? Adama: (Dismally.) If only it were that easy. No, Iblis’s the father. Everybody Else: Iblis? Adama: Iblis. Everybody Else: Oooh.... Columbo: Did Ganymede have anything to do with the child, at any point afterward? Adama: No. Somebody named Rosemary had the baby for a while, and he grew up fast, and now Jolly’s raising the kid. With Cassie, of course. And the 1600 other kids on the formerly orphan ship. Columbo: Was Ganymede the father of any of them? Adama: Not that we know of. Columbo: (Shrugging.) I guess we can rule Sheba out then, at least as far as any motives relating to this child. Next? Croft: Well, we’ve got Security officer Reese, Commander Adama, and Siress Tinia all at the scene when it was discovered. Tinia: Reese was here first! And Adama was here before I was! Adama: Wait ld be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episnth secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are you doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this woucil of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's huode 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines..a centon! You said you’d just been through the corridor shortly before I was! Reese: I didn’t get here until after I heard Tiki scream, and he told me there’d been a murder! Why don’t you question him? Where he is, in fact? And don’t forget Croft, he was here too! And Belloby showed up! Although, admittedly, not until after you did... Columbo: (Eying the group of them speculatively.) Hmmm.... Tigh: (Voice over loudspeaker.) Commander Adama, report to the bridge, the Cylons are closing for an attack. Commander Adama, to the bridge. Adama: (Brightening) Sorry, Captain Columbo, I’ve got to go. Columbo: But I said no one was leaving! Adama: The safety of the fleet may depend upon my presence. Tinia: I should go, too! I’m still the Council’s liaison to the military, I should be there at this time of crisis! Columbo: In that case, you can both go. For now. But we’ll resume this conversation later. This crisis has to be dealt with. Belloby: Say, what are you doiode 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines..you doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this would be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epissband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romanti. Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another Cng about the crisis of my missing mushies? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear newscaster Aphrodite say, "Can I report on the return of Starbuck?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Aphrodite again, reporting on the passage of yet another secton-- Olympus, this is so boring! Can’t you give me anything interesting to report? Nothing happened in the fleet this secton? Oh, come on, something must have happened... What about the murder on the Galactica? Can I report that? No? Opposer Solon’s got a gag order on it? Well, how about the Council election? No? Sire Melbrook has a gag order on that too because of what newscaster Koppel said? Bummer! I can report on the Cylon attack, can’t I? Everybody knows about that, right? No? But...but... Can I report on the return of Starbuck? He hasn’t returned yet? Why not? This job is no fun! Oh, all right, here it is - the eleve. Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another Cld be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines..c hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can playlon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t cnth secton of Jolly, his kids, his friends, his officers, his ship, the mysterious Siress Amanda, yadda-yadda, whatever. And I am outta here..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 77 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Tigh and the bridge crew are at their stations. Commander Adama rushes in, followed by Siress Tinia. Adama: Tigh! What’s the situation? What part of the fleet are the Cylons attacking? Tigh: Hello, Commander. Actually, they’re not attacking anything. I was just listening in on Captain Columbo’s questioning, and I figured you needed a little time to recuperate from the stress of hearing that your daughter had resigned from the service. Adama collapses. Tinia tries to catch him; they both fall. Looking up, they all see that Belloby has followed them to the bridge. Belloby: Why are you looking at me that way? Tinia: Why did you lie? You didn’t need to do that - Adama could have handled Columbo! Tigh: (Making a face.) Siress Tinia. What are ylon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t code 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines... Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another Cy that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear tare how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start theare how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start the. Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another Cylon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t cyou doing here? Tinia: I’m the Council’s liaison to the military. I can be here any time I want to! Tigh: Can not! Tinia: Can too! Tigh: Says who? Tinia: Says me! And since I’m the Council liaison, my word goes! Tigh: So follow your word and go! Rigel: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this serious discussion of military and civilian policy, but- Tigh: Not right now, Rigel. Tinia, if you can’t tell- Adama: (Stirring.) Ooh, what happened? Tinia: You fainted. again, when you heard that Athena had...done something foolish that she’s no doubt going to regret in a few centars when she comes to her senses, so if we just ignore it and pretend it never happened, everything will be all right. Adama: (Smiling as Tinia helps him up.) Thank you, Siress. You have a unique and welcome perspective. Rigel: Commander, can I say something? Adama: Just a centon, Rigel. Belloby: Well, now that you’re on your feet again, and since there’s no real emergency, maybe this wouhe news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress T show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show w show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show wylon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t cld be a good time to find out about my mushies! Rigel: The mushies will have to wait! Belloby: My mushies always have to wait! I’m tired of them having to wait! Columbo enters the bridge, and begins snooping around the consoles. Tigh: What’s he doing here? It’s bad enough we’ve got Siress Tinia here - Columbo: Oh, just go about your business, Colonel. Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for evidence, following up on leads, doing my job. Say, is it true you lied to get your commander out of a few perfectly reasonable questions? Tigh: I... I... (Quickly turning to Rigel.) Rigel, what is it? Rigel: The Cylons are coming, the Cylons are coming! Adama: Launch...uh, who’s available? Rigel: Only the Black Ovines again, I’m afraid. Tigh: (Muttering.) I’ve got a sense of deja vu... Adama: Launch Black Ovines... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "It looks like a battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episare how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start theinia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hias a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Caias a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Caiare how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start theode 78 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. The tension is unbearable. Captain Columbo is still wandering about the consoles. Adama and Tigh are nervous. Belloby and Tinia are glaring at each other. The Cylons are attacking. The Black Ovines have once again been sent out to save the day - and boy, are they enjoying themselves! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Woo-hoo! Men, let’s get ‘em! French: (Over speakers.) They’re heading for the Rising Star! Boyle: (Over speakers.) Gotta stop ‘em! I know a girl or two or three over there! Boyington: (Over speakers.) You heard the man - this one’s for the women of the Rising Star! Casey: (Over speakers.) And don’t forget the wagering! And the music! And the dancing! And the food! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Oh, who could forget those good times! Let’s take out those Raiders! To save the Star! On the bridge, Adama closes his eyes in despair. Belloby: (Sighing fondly.) There’s a lot to be said for the Black Ovines.. show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show wt? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned aboun’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those kin’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those ki show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show w. Tigh: They certainly sound...energetic. Rigel: Almost as though they’d gotten a new mascot... Tigh: Or something. Adama: (Opening his eyes.) What was that, Rigel? Rigel: (Shrugging.) Oh, nothing, sir. Boyington: (Over speakers.) Hey, where are they going? Casey: (Over speakers.) I think we got ‘em on the run! Boyington: (Over speakers.) Already? But we didn’t get to fire a shot yet! French: They just turned 180 degrees and ran! What gives? Columbo: Say, Commander, you wouldn’t happen to know if it’s standard procedure for the squadrons to grumble over winning without firing a shot, would you? Adama: Not usually. Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) So what do you think could make a bunch of grown men, and fighter pilots, at that, complain about winning a battle without having to risk life, limb, and bad reviews because of the repeated stock space footage? Rigel: Sir! Look at that! Tigh: What is it this time, Rigel? And please don’t say it’s another Cas a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Cait this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whatds again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would beds again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would beas a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Caiylon attack... Rigel: No, it’s not! But I think I know why the Cylons ran without firing a shot! Tiki: Yes! Sir, look at the warbook! Compare the read-outs! Adama: Why, it...it looks like a battlestar! Columbo: But does it waddle like a battlestar and quack like a battlestar? Adama: What? Columbo: The age-old question. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Only applied to a battlestar instead of a duck. Tigh: (Puzzled.) Battlestars don’t waddle or quack. And even if they did, how would you know it in space? Although Cylon Raiders can waggle, if Apollo and Starbuck and Boomer are any indication...maybe that’s what they had in mind... Columbo: Hmmm... (Continues his study of the bridge.) Adama: Could it be the Pegasus? By all that’s holy, is it the return of Cain? Tigh: Somebody better tell Sheba... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Tigh say, "I don’t cn’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those ki compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main character if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll sta compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main charactern’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those kiare how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 79 -- The Interview, Part 1 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters all wait, sitting to introduce themselves, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience -- even the ones that aren’t really in the fleet at the moment. Koppel: This is journalator Koppel, back from the Prison Barge, back where I belong. It has come to the attention of IFB that there are those of you out there who are having some problems keeping up with what’s going on in this long-running serial. So we’re taking today off to update you on what’s happened so far. Because you spoke, and we listened. We’re responsive...to YOU! And by the way, the prison barge sucks. This fleet seriously needs to reconsider how it treats its prisoners...not that I was a prisoner, but...hades with it, let’s start theds again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would bes are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audieny in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh as are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audiends again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would be compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characterce: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning bro show. (Strolling in front of the semi-circle and taking a seat as moderator, to audience applause.) The first thing you need to know is how it all started. Jolly, this series is named after you - but you haven’t made very many appearances. Jolly: (Shrugging.) Story of my life. Koppel: Care to give us the lowdown? Jolly: Well, the whole thing started when Apollo and Starbuck got into one of their personal feuds. Only, instead of resolving it in the obligatory 48 centons, it kept going! By the time the turbodust had settled, Cassie had given up on Starbuck and turned to me, and we had been happily sealed and adopted the children on the Orphan Ship! Koppel: Cassie, is that how you remember things? And by the way, interesting hair-do... Cassie: (Smoothing up and back a silver strand in her Bride-of-Frankenstein do.) Thank you, Koppel. Essentially, that’s correct, yes. And I wasn’t the only one to realize that waiting and sighing for one of the stars of the show wnd crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are!ce: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning bro compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main characters are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audienadly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major charaas a big mistake, when there were so many other good men out there, just waiting to pine for me. Like my dear friend, Athena, here. Koppel: Really? Athena? Athena: Definitely. All that time, Boomer was playing second fiddle to my brother, and I didn’t even notice he was alive or think of him as anything but a friend - until I got tired of waiting for Starbuck and started playing the field. And boy, does Boomer know how to play! Audience: Ooooh! Koppel: We’ll get into that later, in the late-night edition! ‘Til then, Sheba, how about you? Sheba: I got tired of waiting for Apollo - they’re right in that respect - a girl can’t wait forever. And Reese was good for a few laughs, while he lasted. But as far as I’m concerned, the universe is on pause until my father comes back. Until then, nothing I do really matters. Koppel: Even having a child with the mysterious Count Iblis - a child you didn’t even remember until Dr. Salik’s genetic tests confirmed that you were Cai Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised toadly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major charas are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audience: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning brocters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for tn’s daughter, and not Chameleon’s, and that one of Jolly and Cassie’s children was your child as well? Sheba: It wasn’t my fault. Koppel: There are some people who think you should have turned in your pilot’s helmet when you found out you had a child. How do you answer them? Sheba: Serina didn’t. In fact, she picked up a helmet. Not that I blame her, considering Boxey. But as far as those kids, I suspect Athena can answer better then I... Koppel: Athena, it’s back to you. What about those kids? Athena: (Shuddering.) All I can say is, better Cassie than me! But this series has been a real stretch for me, and I've been thrilled with everything I've done! I’ve been mummified, kidnaped, turned into a dabo girl, given dance lessons, helped save the Rising Star from fire, made a friend of my own, nearly been crushed in the trash disposal system, and finally made the decision that it was time to leave the service for a real life of my own - it’s gotta beat teaching those ki do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to cters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for tce: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning broadly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major charahe Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father.ds again! And I’m really looking forward to a bright career in high fashion. Koppel: Even with the death of Ganymede, the first name in Couturiers of Caprica? Athena: (Smiling mysteriously.) Even so. Koppel: Hmm. I know our viewers will have questions about that! Now, Siress Belloby, what’s your role been in all this? Belloby: Me? I just keep chasing Adama and trying to track down my missing mushies. Which, incidentally, Sheba, you are supposed to be locating! Sheba: All in good time, Siress. Koppel: Well, we don’t need a feline-fight on stage, so we’ll move on to Siress Tinia. You’re the council liaison from the Quorum of Twelve. What other role do you play in this series? Tinia: Besides member of the Quorum, I’m the Commander’s love interest, which we have to keep secret for a number of reasons - including the fact that Adama’s best friend and executive officer would throw up if we admitted it publicly, and that my position in the Council and as liaison would besee him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination duehe Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father.adly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major characters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for t Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar comi compromised if my close relationship to Adama were discovered. Koppel: Indeed! Well, I see that we’ve run out of time for today, but I know we all have a lot of questions for the rest of the stars - which will have to wait for another day. Thank you all for your time today. I know our viewers have enjoyed it. Any last words? Jolly: I just want to add, that while the name of the series may say that I forgot the kids, I assure you, I remember each and every one of them, and I’m getting better at keeping track of them all the time. All you men out there, paternity takes practice! Cassie: Sweetie, you are the best... Koppel: Tune in next time for part 2 of this ground-breaking interview of the stars of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" -- the ones that Jolly most emphatically did not really forget -- when we’ll hear the men’s side of the story... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 80 -- The Interview, Part 2 Scene: The meeting hall of the Galactica, where our main character to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another ch Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar comicters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for the Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father.ng in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from s are still gathered, sitting in a semi-circle of chairs in front of the audience. Koppel: Welcome back to "Jolly Forgot the Kids," where we’re taking a little time off from the series to actually meet with our stars, and find out from them what’s been happening, and why, and where this series might go from here! Now, Apollo, the blame for this whole thing has been laid at directly at the boots of you and your friend Starbuck. Any comments? Apollo: I’ll admit that we have occasionally differed about things, but to be honest, Koppel, I don’t remember what it was that we were fighting about that could possibly have gone on long enough to spark something this massive. Koppel: So you deny there was a fight? Starbuck, how about you? Starbuck: Oh, I know there was a fight...I just don’t remember what it was about. Koppel: How do you feel about losing two of what are undeniably the finest and most desirable women in the fleet to other men? Starbuck: Uh...which ones? Audienamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and ng in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from he Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father. Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar comithe asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no technoce: Whoah!!! Koppel: I think you’ve struck a nerve, there, Lieutenant! But you’ve been absent from the fleet for some time, until very recently. Mind updating us on what you’ve been doing? Starbuck: Love to, Koppel! After the snafu with the ladies, I spent a little time with Chameleon, then wound up on the run from yet another of the ladies - Sheba, on the Rising Star - and decided to take a little patrol. That’s when I hooked up with SAM, one of our new Viper models, which **** Heavy IFB Voice: We’re sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but the bleeped out information contained highly classified technical data which is not public information, and you don’t get to hear it, so there, nyah! Starbuck: **** and there I was, in the middle of a village full of Amazon women. I’m sure you guess I wasn’t eager to leave - until I discovered their children... Anyway, now I’m back - and I brought the ladies with me. Men in audience: Woo-hoo! (Heavy applause.) Koppel: (Grinning broall Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breakingthe asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no techno Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar coming in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from logy! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric adly.) We’ll see if the ladies share that sentiment. But now, Commander Adama, we’ve heard two siresses claim certain relationships with you! Any comment? Adama: Siress Tinia and I have a professional relationship - very professional. We’ve proven our ability to work together very closely on many occasions, and under difficult conditions, such as the current murder investigation. Koppel: And Siress Belloby? Adama: Neither she nor her niece are getting within fifty meters of me or any member of my family again, if I have anything to say about it. Koppel: That’s pretty definite! Colonel, what are you feelings about Adama’s relationship or lack of relationship with these two siresses? Tigh: I think I need a drink... Koppel: Oh...uh, okay. Boomer, moving on to you... Now that Athena’s decided to end her military career for one in fashion, what do you see happening to your relationship? Boomer: I expect things will continue pretty much as they are - we’re major chara series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you tology! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric ng in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from the asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no technoManeuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we dcters, after all, and everybody knows that most of the fun for major characters is in the sexual tension - once you marry off the stars, you either have to kill one of them, or they lose the pizzazz. Adama: (Nodding sagely.) Yes, the Bonanza bride syndrome. Koppel: Which could explain a lot about what happened with Apollo and Serina, and then what didn't happen with Apollo and Sheba! So, which of you do you see being killed off? Boomer: (Shocked.) Uh... Koppel: All right, we’ll let you think about that one. Croft? What about you? What’s your role been in all this? Croft: Not much. Of course, I’m no longer on the prison barge, I’ve helped investigate Athena’s disappearance - say, where did that bit about kidnaping come in, anyway? I helped with the fire on the Rising Star, and I’m now assisting Captain Columbo in his investigation of the murder of Ganymede the couturier. After that, who knows what’ next for me? Tigh: (Muttering.) He doesn’t know he’s destined for t call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we dthe asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no technology! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric id have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the flohe Jolly and Cassie ship, to be stuck with the kids, any day now. Croft: What was that? Adama: Nothing, Croft, nothing, right, Tigh? Well, Koppel, I think it’s time we all got back to our jobs. Koppel: All right, Commander, gentlemen, we appreciate your time- Apollo: Can I say something here? Koppel: Why? Apollo: Because I’m feeling left out, that’s why - and I want to point out that, despite the fact that I am on an extended patrol to protect me from the influence of the House of Somers, and have been all the way back to Equellus, and as yet have no idea when I’ll be returning to the fleet, I want to reassure everyone that I will be back. And I will be heroic. And I’ll even bring back CORA, if I can. And I’ll come back with a woman -- or else I’ll find one here in the fleet. Koppel: Didn’t I hear rumors of sealing ribbons between you and a certain Siress Cordelia? Apollo: Oh, that’s right! Adama: No! That’s not right! Apollo: We'll discuss it later, Father.enter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I hid have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the flology! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we dor on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. Koppel: There you have it, folks, the lowdown, the secrets, the past events and a few explanations for nearly 80 episodes. Tomorrow, it’s back to the series... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll actually, finally, really hear Tigh, like, totally, say, "I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 81 Scene: Still on the bridge of the Galactica, with all the usual suspects, plus Tinia, Belloby, and Columbo. Adama: Get me that ship! Tiki: What if they don’t want to be got? Adama: Raise them on the comm system! Tiki: Yes, sir, I’m trying, sir! But they’re not responding! Adama: Do we know who they are? Tiki: No, sir. Adama: Do we know who they aren’t? Tiki: Uh...well, they’re probably not Cylons.... Adama: No, the Cylons wouldn’t have broken off their attack if they had a basestar comiave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances,or on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. Maneuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we did have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the flo Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs ong in. Tigh: Unless it’s a diversion and the Raiders are coming back behind a fake battlestar. Tiki: I doubt if they’re Ovions... Adama: Agreed - especially since we wiped them out at Carillon. Tigh: As far as we know -- but their species could have come from somewhere else. Tiki: They likely aren’t Terrans, unless they managed to steal some technology and ship plans when Leiter was aboard... Adama: Which isn’t too likely, considering they spent all their time on the prison barge. Tigh: But they did talk to Baltar - who knows what he could have told them? Tiki: It could be the Pegasus - we just don’t know, and won’t know until they answer! Adama: This could be a miracle... Tigh: Not again... I don’t care how much of a hero he is, he’s obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving, glory-grabbing, and the Pegasus shoulda been my battlestar! Rigel: Sir, we’re picking up something on another channel - it’s...it’s an Aerian merchant code! Tigh: What? More prisoners from are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Mag Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs oid have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the floor on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. n his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Welthe asteroid? I thought we picked up everybody there! Adama: According to Starbuck, we did. Put it on uni-com, Rigel. Rigel: Right, sir. An image appears on the screen - a short-haired blonde woman, familiar to everybody who ever watched Xena or read episodes 43 - 45 of this series. Gabrielle: Hi! One of you must be Commander Adama, right? Adama and Tigh stare at her, then look at each other. Tigh: She’s wearing leather and feathers. Adama: And not much of either. Who are you? Gabrielle: I’m Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Where did you come from? Gabrielle: A nice little forest-and-swamp planet back in the Delta Quadrant. Tigh: The Delta Quadrant?!?! Adama: Don’t misunderstand me, but what is a woman dressed in such primitive attire doing in command of a battlestar? Gabrielle: Hey, buster, just because we chose to live a healthy, natural, back-to-the-basics, amazonian sisterhood type of lifestyle, doesn’t mean we’re savages with no technogie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Magn his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Welor on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs ol, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If youlogy! How do you think we got to that primitive forest-and-swamp planet in the first place? Adama: (Now grinning broadly.) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound incredulous... You’re welcome, of course. Any humans are welcome in the fleet. Please, let me invite you aboard! Gabrielle: Sounds good. I’ll be there in a few centons! The com goes dark. Adama and Tigh look at each other incredulously, despite their best efforts. Adama: Tigh, this could be a miracle... Tigh: What’s miraculous is that we have another battlestar and we don’t have to deal with Cain! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Belloby say, "I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 82 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Rigel: Sir! We’re picking up a shuttle from the new battlestar - it’s heading for us! And it’s being escorted by...SAM! Adama: Sam? Rigel: No, SAM! The Space and Atmospheric gie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hearl, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If you Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs on his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Wel hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" wheManeuverability Viper Upgrade II! Remember? Starbuck took it on a test flight back in Episode 41. Adama: Raise that pilot! Rigel: In public?! Adama: Rigel, I’m starting to worry about where your mind is -- I mean, get him on the com! Rigel: Oh! Yes, sir... Adama: Starbuck, is that you? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Yes, sir, it is - I’m back! Adama: Welcome back, lieutenant. We’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) I can tell by the size of your rescue team. Adama: Don’t get snippy with me, lieutenant - why, at this very moment, Captain Apollo is out alone, with CORA, searching for you. Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Gee... Really? Wow. I’m touched... And after we argued and everything. Well, tell the guys to warm up the cards and the cubits and good ambrosa, I’m gonna need a party! Tigh: SAM looks a little...waterlogged, Lieutenant. Is Wilker going to be pleased with the condition it’s in? Starbuck: (Over speakers.) Well, we d Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawli hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Well, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If youn we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sceid have to get SAM out of the swamp. Tigh: Ah-hah! So SAM was underground! Starbuck: (Over speakers.) You could say that, depending on how solidly you define ground. Fortunately, the Miri Feathers were up to the task, once we took out the Cylon attack force that was trying to wipe out their village. But I’ll be there in a few centons, Commander, and I’ll give you a full report then. Starbuck, over and out. Cheers break out over the bridge. Adama: Tigh, did the reports show SAM coming closer to the fleet? And why wasn’t I told? Tigh: Uh, I don’t know if anyone was watching that channel, sir. Adama: I should prepare for the arrival of this Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers. Siress Tinia, would you accompany me as a representative of the Council? Tinia: I’d be honored. They stroll out together, with Adama walking too close to Belloby -- he catches his cape on a bolt in the doorframe, sprains his finger pulling it free, and stubs his toe on a seam in the flong through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the otherl, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If youn we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sce hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" whene: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethinor on the way out. Belloby: I suppose this means my mushies take the back seat again... (Stomps out.) Tigh looks greatly relieved, left in temporary command again and with no siresses on the bridge. Sheba: (Rushing onto the bridge.) Did somebody say my father was back? Tigh: Even better - it’s the return of Starbuck! Sheba: What? Tigh: Starbuck’s back. Rigel: And his front, and his top, and his bottom, too. (Giggles.) Tigh: Rigel, what would the dread Captain Robert think... (Turns to Sheba.) No, Sheba, it’s not your father - but Lt. Starbuck has returned. With another battlestar. Can’t you tell from the cheers? Isn’t that a reason to celebrate. Sheba glares around at the cheering bridge crew, tears welling up in her eyes. Sheba: Sure - if you want to celebrate the *little* things! When my father returns, that’ll be something worth celebrating! Tigh: The ship blew up. Get over it. Sheba runs out, sobbing. Everybody shrugs and continues cheering. conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" whene: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethinn we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sceg about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology cl Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Guys? I’m over here." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 83 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where every off-duty male pilot, technician, security officer, and other personnel have gathered to greet Commander Gabrielle....oh, yeah, and Starbuck. Giles: Is it true these amazons dress only in feathers and leather and shells and jewelry? Boomer: And not much of any of it, from what I hear! Greenbean: We’re such porcines... Bojay: But we’re good at it. Adama and Tinia enter the bay. Adama stares at the gathered male personnel. Adama: I see word got around quickly. Boomer: Uh...Tiki let us know, sir. Adama: Hmm. All this for Starbuck? Or for Commander Gabrielle? The men all look at each other. Boomer: (With a straight face.) Starbuck, of course. We missed him. Adama: Which no doubt explains the lottery on how long he’d be gone, and who had first dibs o Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technn we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sceg about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology clne: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethinass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the n his billet and locker when he was finally officially declared missing. Tinia: Not to mention the lottery on who got first dibs on his girlfriends. Adama: I didn’t hear about that one. Tinia: The ladies did. Noday and Miriam were furious. Brie and Sorrel were already plotting a lottery of their own in retaliation. The shuttle and SAM come in for a landing. Starbuck pops the canopy and stands up like a conquering hero returned. Starbuck: Hey, everybody! I’m back! Gee, you’re all here for me? You really must have missed me... Hey? Guys? I’m over here... Guys! The gathered male personnel are clustering around the shuttle, all but climbing all over each other, waiting for Commander Gabrielle to emerge. Starbuck: Guys... I’m disappointed in you.... Formerly Princess but now Commander Gabrielle comes out of the shuttle. She waves; the men wave, whistle, hoot, and holler back. Adama: (Stepping forward.) Commander Gabrielle... Gabrielle: Commander Adama... Hi! Welically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: ne: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethinass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the g about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology clchildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No,l, I hate to greet and run, but now that we’re here with the fleet, we’ve got some very urgent business to tend to, so I’m going to have to come back and do all that formal stuff later. Adama: But you just got here! Tinia: (Eyeing Garbrielle’s outfit and clinging possessively to Adama’s arm.) Take your time. Gabrielle: (Waving back at the other men again.) I’ll be back! They cheer as she turns around, gets back in the shuttle, and launches again. Adama: Well, that has to be the shortest official ceremony on record! Starbuck: (Joining the commander.) Well, like she said, she’ll be back. She and all two hundred women of the Miri Feathers. Adama: Two hundred women? All dressed like that? And looking like that? And you’ve been with them this whole time? Starbuck: Yup. Adama: (Shaking his head.) Only you, Starbuck. Only you... Boomer: Two hundred women... He goes off to a planet and comes back with two hundred beautiful, scantily-clad women... Starbuck: If youDo you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. Tg about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology clchildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No,ass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which one hurry, they can be yours - they’re just looking for a few good men. That’s why they’re in such a hurry. Giles: (Perking up.) Really? Starbuck: Yeah. They’ve got about four hundred kids that need fathers! Bojay: I’m outta here. Greenbean: Not for me, no thanks... Adama: So where are the women of the Miri Feathers going now? Starbuck: I told them all about the Jolly and Cassie ship, and they thought they’d check it out. Boomer: You mean Jolly’s gonna get all those women? Starbuck: If he wants ‘em. Along with their kids. Adama: (Sighing.) That’ll add another forty yahrens or so to his paternity leave for adopting kids! He’ll be on leave until he dies! And we’ll be paying him for it! Starbuck: We’ll pay for it one way or the other - if he doesn’t adopt ‘em, those kids will be living somewhere else in the fleet. And believe me, the way the toddlers can fight Cylons, we don’t want ‘em turned loose! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" whehat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.ass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which onechildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No,, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commander. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, ichildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No,n we’ll hear Starbuck say, "Uh...not exactly..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Aphrodite, your friendly interstellar journalator in pink and not much of it, reporting - and I finally get to report something interesting! Something worthwhile! Something worth watching! Yeah! Starbuck is back! Gabrielle is here! Athena is gone! Muffey hasn’t been seen in sectars, however long that is! Sure, there’s been an unsolved murder and the murderer’s still on the loose -- but Captain Columbo will get him, her, it, or them, we know he will -- and Apollo isn’t back -- but we’re sure he’s still out there somewhere, struggling valiantly to return to us. And in the meantime, here’s the twelfth night...uh, secton installment of the longest running series ever! Whoo-hoo, bring it on! Hey, if Gabrielle can get away with leather and feathers, I can wear gauzy pink and not much of it, okay, buster?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 84 Sce I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which one, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commande) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, t’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mumGabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and r. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, imy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m inve I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which onene: The landing bay, where Gabrielle’s shuttle just launched, leaving a group of love-struck but disappointed male pilots, technicians, and other personnel, along with Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck. Adama: So, Starbuck, while we’re waiting for Commander Gabrielle to return, why don’t you tell us about these Miri Feathers, how you came to meet them, how they came to decide to come here, how much firepower their battlestar has - all the important little details. Starbuck: Uh, I don’t really know what kind of firepower they have... Adama: You didn’t bother to check? Starbuck: Well.... Boomer: (Snickering a little.) Oh, I’m sure he was busy checking out other important little details. Giles: Or not so little details... Starbuck: Giles, you’re a porcine. Actually, I wasn’t aboard their battlestar - I flew SAM. So I really don’t know what their firepower is. Adama: Do they have any Vipers? Starbuck: Uh...I didn’t see any while we were flying here. Adama: You said somethint’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mumSancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? Apollo, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commandestigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplie, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commandeg about their children taking on the Cylons? Starbuck: Yeah! Say, anybody got a fumarello? I haven’t had one since I left... Boomer hands him one. Starbuck: Thanks, buddy. Boomer: Want a shirt, too? Starbuck: No, thanks, I’m showing off my best side. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Cylons. Well, after I met the Miri Feathers, and left the Miri Feathers, I was searching for the place where SAM had gone done in the muck, so I could try to leave. Then Princess Gabrielle came looking for me-- Boomer: Figures. Was she trying to talk you into staying? Starbuck: No, actually, she was thinking about coming along. But then the Cylons attacked and she wouldn’t leave. Adama: Yes? What happened then? Starbuck: She headed back to her village, where the two hundred women and their children were preparing to fight the Cylons- Tinia: No men at all? Starbuck: Nope, that’s the nature of amazons, I guess. Tinia: So where’d the children come from? As I recall from biology clmy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m inve: Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tippingr. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, is, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87r. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, iass, women don’t get children without men. Starbuck: Previous visitors. Boomer: Like you? Starbuck: Yeah - hey! No, not like me. Men who only wanted one thing from them, stayed for a couple days, then left...or got booted. Boomer: Like you. Adama: That’s enough, Boomer. Starbuck, that Cylon attack? Starbuck: Well, I couldn’t just up and leave a bunch of women and children to fight the Cylons alone, so I headed back to the village, too, to help ‘em out. Adama: And then you came up with a plan and took out the Cylons yourself... Starbuck: Uh...no... Adama: You took command and led them into battle... Starbuck: Not exactly... Adama: You became their military advisor and told them how to organize defenses... Starbuck: (Shaking his head.) No, didn’t do that... Adama: You told them how to conceal themselves until the Cylons left... Starbuck: (Fidgeting.) Not that either... Adama: So what did you do? Starbuck: I accidentally sorta walked into a trap the stigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplie it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduitt’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mum Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go..t’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mumchildren had set up, got hit on the head with a couple of slingshot stones, and spent the battle unconscious. But from what they told me afterward, they did a great job taking out the Cylons! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "You’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 85 Scene: Still in the landing bay, awaiting the return of Commander Gabrielle. Adama: Starbuck, how do you get yourself into those kind of situations? Starbuck: Coulda been worse. I could’ve wrapped myself up in leather and feathers and taught them all idiotic nursery rhymes to chant while riding their pegasi and using their slingshots to hurl turbogrenades at the Cylon fuel and munitions depot. Adama: True. Thank the Lords you spared them that. Sheba rushes into the bay. Sheba: Did I hear someone say the Pegasus was back? Oh, Daddy, I waited for you! Where are you? Starbuck: No,s, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87s. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomermy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m inve.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wannamy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m inve I said pegasi - the flying equines of the Miri Feathers. Sheba: Oh, who cares. So where’s my father, the great Commander Cain? Starbuck: Uh...beats me, he’s not here...but I’m back. Sheba: You? Who cares about you? (Sobbing.) Why do people keep tormenting me like this? Starbuck: Hey, I’m not that bad! Adama: Aren’t you supposed to be searching for the missing mushies? Still sobbing, Sheba runs out of the bay just as Captain Columbo appears out of the turbolift. Columbo: Hi, folks. Don’t mind me, I’m just collecting evidence, checking out the scene, the usual routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Say, did all of you folks happen to be here a centar or two ago when a murder was committed in the corridor? As if by magic, the collected male pilots, technicians, and other personnel vanish. Pilot #1: Wasn’t me - I was on patrol...need to go debrief, right now, you know how Colonel Tigh can be... Technician #1: I think I was on another ship - I’m not sure which one Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go.., for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in tstigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplie have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? stigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplie, but I’m sure I was there, and I should probably go back... Personnel #1: I just got off duty in the computer section - you can ask my superior, he’s right here. And I’m due back two microns ago... Computer superior #1: Yup, he was there, I saw him. He saw me, too. Oops, gotta go... Adama: Captain, you’ve walked in on a very delicate first contact situation! Do you think your questions could wait? Columbo: (Glancing around.) First contact with what? The bay looks kinda empty, if you don’t mind my saying so. Adama: With Commander Gabrielle and the Miri Feathers! Columbo: Where? Adama: She was here, and she’ll be right back - she had to make a stop on the Jolly and Cassie ship. Columbo: Oh, I certainly won’t interfere with that first contact. But since she’s not here at the moment, I trust you have no objection to me asking a few questions and looking around a little bit? Adama: (Sounding strangled.) Of course not... Feel free... Columbo: Thanks, Commande.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wannahe corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode s, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87 Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly s, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87r. Now, let’s start with your daughter, Athena. I understand she just resigned from the service? Adama collapses in a faint. Everyone still there clusters around with cries of alarm. Tinia: No! Stand back! He’s just reacting to the thought that a member of his family could actually resign from the noble profession of serving the Colonies as a warrior. He needs air - and for people to stop reminding him about Athena’s...indiscretion and mistake, which she will no doubt regret and wish she had never said, and may not even remember, when she recovers from what is obviously a trauma-induced event from nearly being caught in that fire on the Rising Star! Columbo: Let me rephrase my question...as soon as he wakes up. A long centon later, after several glares at Columbo from Siress Tinia, Adama comes to. Adama: (Faintly.) What happened? (Sees Columbo.) Oh, yes, that... I really think I need to prepare for this first contact situation... Starbuck: Actually, Commander, i have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? 118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walks Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go..got us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go..t’s not really a first contact situation, for Gabrielle, anyway. She’s Colonial. She was actually a cadet, back in the Colonies, before the Destruction. Before her family was all but wiped out and she joined the Miri Feathers. Adama: She’s Colonial? Starbuck: Yeah. And you wanna know the best part? She’s Cassiopeia’s sister! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck say, "It’s a special blend." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 86 Scene: The landing bay, where those who are left (remember, most people fled when Columbo arrived) are staring in shock at Starbuck, who has just announced that Cassie and Gabi are sisters. Columbo: Hmm... Well, that’s all very fine and dandy, but what does it have to with the termination of Ganymede? Starbuck: Uh...nothing. I’m sure, absolutely nothing. (Aside to Adama.) Sir, is this the Lieutenant Columbo who solved the Terminations in the Twinery, the factory where kobolian mum Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wanna Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess tha.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wannamy wrap was made and where four workers unexpectedly died, and the owner was found guilty? And the Murder in Melbrook Manor, when the Councilor’s dinner party was disrupted by the sudden death of Councilor Pluto, where the aide did it? And the Cold-blooded Killing of Colonel Mustard, where everybody thought the butler did it in the pantry, until he proved it was Siress Scarlett in the Library? Adama: No, he’s Captain Columbo now. But yes, he’s the one who solved those terrible crimes. Starbuck: And he always does it by wandering around, asking seemingly pointless questions, and meanwhile his sharp eyes and ears are catching the smallest discrepancies and evidence of guilt or nervousness? Adama: That’s him. Starbuck: Excuse me while I abandon landing bay... Adama: You’re staying right here with the rest of us. Starbuck: But I wasn’t here when it happened! Columbo: When what happened? Starbuck: Whatever it is you’re investigating! Columbo: What do you think I’m inve curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? got us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? t makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? stigating? Starbuck: I don’t know, I swear I don’t, but I’m sure it’s serious. And whatever it was, I was in SAM and flying with the Miri Feathers. I wasn’t here! Columbo: (Rubbing his chin.) You know, young man, I think I believe you. Say, what kind of fumarello is that? Starbuck: (Distracted.) This? Oh, this is one of Boomer’s special blends. Columbo: Special blend, eh? And wrapped like a mummified kobolian. That’s rare. Say, you wouldn’t happen to mind if I have a puff, would you? Starbuck: (Hastily handing it over.) Not at all! Enjoy! Columbo: (Enjoys a puff.) Ahhh. That’s good. That’s a good smoke. I haven’t had a good smoke like this since the Destruction. Starbuck: Not many people have. Like I said, it’s a special blend. Boomer’s own creation, specially made like the famous mummified kobolians. Uh...made from leftovers and his own concoctions, Commander, made here on the Galactica - Boomer wouldn’t raid the agro ship for much needed agron supplieRigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, " Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly leather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adam Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess tha Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly s, or take away space that the fleet needs for growing foodstuffs, no-siree! And he certainly wouldn’t use valuable duty time for anything like this, uh-uh - when he’s on duty, he’s all duty, sir, yes, sir. Only his personal time, and non-essential supplies, that’s Boomer... Columbo: Boomer, eh. Starbuck: (Starting to relax.) Yup. Columbo: (Inhaling another puff.) You know, funny thing about this. I’d swear it’s familiar. Starbuck: Well, you probably just smelled it on me, since I’m smoking one. Columbo: I don’t think so. You see, this smoke smells exactly like the special blend I just smelled in the fumarello stub that was laying under the dead man. Starbuck: I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (He faints.) Columbo: I know you didn’t. You weren’t here, remember? Say, Commander, where is Boomer at the moment, anyway? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Adama say, "Siress!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 87What are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids"got us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? a: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. At makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for got us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? Scene: Still in the landing bay of the Galactica. Adama: (Somberly.) You believe Boomer committed this heinous crime, Captain Columbo? Columbo: No. I saw on the crew roster that he was out on patrol with Bojay and Apollo when it happened. So I know he didn’t do it. Adama: Then why’d you ask where he is??? Columbo: I wanted to find out if he could give me a couple more of these great smokes. (Puffs again.) And then I want to find out who else he might have supplied with these fumarellos - so I can determine if that was Ganymede’s butt, or someone else’s. Tinia: (Modestly.) Well, I didn’t know him very well for very long, but I could probably identify his butt- Adama: Siress! Tinia: I had a life before I was elected to the Council and met you! Columbo: Thanks for the offer, Siress, but I meant his fumarello stub... And now, I need to get down to the lab to check out the autopsy report and confirm the cause and time of death. If I may, Commander? Adama: Go.. - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Gala Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess thadama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battlesleather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adam Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess tha.go... Columbo: (Nodding.) Right. I’ll update you later. Let me know if Boomer shows up again. (He leaves.) Starbuck: (Gradually coming to.) What...what happened? Adama: You fainted when Columbo asked about your fumarello. Starbuck: Boomer didn’t do it, sir, he couldn’t have! Adama: I know that - and I believe Columbo knows it too. Starbuck: Whew! So what’s happening. Oh-oh, duck! A Viper comes whizzing by. Adama: I believe the Black Ovines are starting to come in for landings. We’d better get out of the way. A second Viper comes whizzing by, quickly followed by a third. Adama, Tinia, and Starbuck scamper back out of the way of the landing Vipers. A few moments later, the entire Black Ovine Squadron has landed and gathers. Boyington: All right, where’s that new Commander that everybody’s talking about? Adama: You mean Commander Gabrielle of the Miri Feathers? Boyington: Yeah. The one who deprived us of a good battle by scaring off the Cylons. I wannactica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report t makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for tar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired ofa: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. At makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for have words with her. Adama: So do most of the male half of this crew. Get in line. Boyington: Oh? What’d she do to them? Adama: Nothing, yet. And hopefully nothing in the future, although that’s up to her. Major, I expect you will treat Commander Gabrielle with the respect and consideration due a battlestar commander. In other words, with more respect and consideration than you have for me. Several of the Black Ovines snicker as they cluster together. Boyington: Right, sir. Of course, sir. Now, where is she? Adama: You’ll have to wait until she comes back from the Jolly and Cassie ship. Mascot: Yip! Yip! Adama: What’s that? The Black Ovines, suddenly uncomfortable, begin edging toward the turbolift as a group. French: Oh, nothing, sir... Boyle: Gotta go debrief, sir... Casey: Running late, sir... Boyington: Gotta file that report, sir... They vanish as a group. Starbuck: But if you’re here, Commander, who do they think they have to report to? is missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smilleather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adam waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for dama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battlesleather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adam Adama: (Thoughtful.) I could have sworn I heard a daggit... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Starbuck ask the rhetorical question, "Would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids"- Episode 88 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Dr. Wilker rushes in. Wilker: (Skidding to a halt.) Commander! Adama: Dr. Wilker. You seem to be in a hurry. Starbuck: Sorry, you missed Gabrielle. She’s come and gone, but she’ll be back. >From behind, Boyington appears in the turbolift. He shakes his head and waves his arms wildly at Wilker, looking alarmed. Wilker: Oh...her...no, I’m not here for... Oh, yes, I came here to see Gabrielle. I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll leave now. (Hurries to the turbolift.) Well? Boyington: (Muttering.) Worked great. Just the thing. The guys are thrilled. Almost as good as the real thing. But you nearly e and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wia: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. Abeing too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even wittar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired ofa: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. Agot us all spaced if you’d let the Commander know! The turbolift goes up; they disappear. Tinia: I wonder what was disturbing that pilot - did you see the faces he was making at Dr. Wilker? Adama: With Major Boyington, who can tell? Sometimes, I just don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Starbuck, why don’t you investigate and find out if it’s better that way this time. Let me know if it’s something I want to know. Starbuck: But...but... Adama: But what, Lieutenant? Starbuck: But Gabrielle’s coming back! Adama: And the Siress and I will be here to greet her. Go. Starbuck: (Kicking his way across the bay.) I brought her here, why can’t I stay? I never to get to have any fun. Adama: And put a shirt on! Starbuck: Awh, now the readers won’t get to have any fun either. And some of them live for the chance to see me without a shirt, you know! I mean, would this show have been a success if I hadn’t had my shirt off in the premiere in my very first scene? dama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battlesll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, Sh Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for dama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battles Adama: They’ll have to use their imaginations -- either that or go check out Apollo. Tinia: But Apollo never takes his shirt off! Adama: You haven’t been to e-bay recently, have you, Siress? Tinia: I don’t remember -- is it near alpha bay? A shuttle from the Miri Feathers battlestar returns. Adama: It looks like Gabrielle is back. The shuttle opens, and out step Gabrielle and about a dozen of the Miri Feathers. Gabrielle: (Looking around.) Where’d everybody go? Adama: Umm, they had to get back to work. How was your trip to the Jolly and Cassie Ship? Gabrielle: Very useful! Jolly and Cassie agreed to take on all of the kids. So now we’re all free and available. Tinia: What? You’re leaving all of your kids there? Why? Gabrielle: Well, Cassie explained that they’d taken on Captain Apollo’s son, and Lieutenant Sheba’s son, so they figured there would be no problem with adding our four hundred. By the way, did you know that Cassie is my sister? I guess thatar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired ofheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo trher trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. being too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even wittar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired oft makes me Aunt Gabi to that bunch. (Shaking her head.) But I’ve really got to talk to her about that hairstyle! Adama: (Slowly.) So while your children are all in Jolly and Cassie’s care, what do you plan to be free and available to do? Gabrielle: We’re going to become pilots, of course. Adama and Tinia stare at the eager group of women, all dressed in leather and feathers and shells and jewelry, and then look at each other in dismay. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Gabrielle say, "Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 89 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where the Miri Feathers are gathering around Commander Adama and Siress Tinia. Adama: You want to what? Gabrielle: We want to become pilots - you know, Viper pilots, warriors. Adama: But...but... Gabrielle: Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that whole thing about the way we dress. Just because we go for waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for ies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewher And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you dh Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for leather and feathers doesn’t make us incapable of flying a ship and defending our families! After all, we will be defending our families - the others all have children here, and I’ve got a sister. Adama: A sister...Cassiopeia, yes...I understand... Gabrielle: Good. So where do we sign up for remedial pilot training? Adama: Remedial? Gabrielle: Yes. We’ve all flown before. Remember? We had to get to that planet before we could set up our primitive-appearing village and simple lifestyle? Adama: Of course... But I’m not sure we’ve got the raw materials to build another squadron of fighters! Dr. Wilker and the Viper technicians complain about it constantly! Gabrielle: Don’t worry, we’ve got the parts. Adama: You do? Gabrielle: Of course! We were ready to take on the Cylons - we just hadn’t gotten around to it yet! Of course, we’ll need uniforms that match our chosen lifestyle and beliefs - those brown uniforms that Starbuck was wearing just won’t do it. Adambeing too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even wite, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Cooing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and sher trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. being too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even wita: Uniforms... Tinia: Too bad Ganymede was murdered - I’m sure he could design something wonderful just for you. Gabrielle: Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica was murdered? Tinia: Yes, alas. Gabrielle: Oh, really? What’re the fashion-conscious women of the fleet going to do now? Adama: Does that bother you, Gabrielle, that he’s...gone? Gabrielle: Look at my outfit; what do you think? Same thing I wore yesterday, same thing I’m going to wear tomorrow. But washed, of course. I remember Ganymede saying once that any woman who wore the same outfit more than twice was a fashion disaster and a formal non-factor. That just didn’t make sense in the kind of life we led on that planet. Adama: We’ll discuss uniforms and clothing later. I don’t suppose you’ve got any Vipers and other weapons and munitions already assembled on your battlestar? Gabrielle: Not really - it may look like a battlestar, but it’s not really designed for it. It’s for long-term people transport. Ah Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at rdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one waying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neve And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you dh Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at dama: So why is it so large? Gabrielle: So the Cylons would leave it alone, for one reason. They don’t usually mess with battlestars for no reason. And we needed the space. We had to have room for billets and supplies, and room to grow food, grain and fodder, and room for our pegasi to fly - you wouldn’t believe how their wings atrophy if we don’t fly them every day; all that weight, I suppose, for an equine. And of course we had to have a playground for our kids. Adama: (Extremely crestfallen.) Oh. Tinia: Of course, the Cylons won’t know that... If we get a squadron of fighters on the ship, enough to make it look like it’s a fully operational battlestar... Adama: You’re right! This could be just the boost our people need! The psychological edge of having another large ship, with lots of room for people, new agron space - and a whole new squadron of pilots, with ships, to add to our defense. I mean, the Cylons won’t know it isn’t a real, complete, functioning battlesher trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. ho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: Wr been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his haoing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and sher trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. tar. Tinia: (Sotta voce.) And it should give me the edge I need to beat Sire Melbrook in the upcoming Council elections... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Iblis say, "Sheba, my princess...you finally said my name." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 90 Scene: Sheba storms her way along a corridor of the Galactica. Sheba: They’ll be sorry. I’ll get even with them. I’ll get even with all of them, every man on this ship who ever disappointed me. I’ll get even with Commander Adama for not taking over Gamorah and using it as a base like my father said to! A couple who were talking in the corridor dive to the deck and duck-and-cover. She kicks the man as she passes by. Sheba: And I’ll get even with my father for leaving without me and leaving me behind! Her next kick goes through the metal wall and leaves a sizeable hole. Sheba: I’ll get even with Apollo for dumping me - okay, so he didn’t dump me, I got tired of And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you dait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my cir.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, aying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neve And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you d waiting for him to realize he loved me, and I dumped him; I’ll get even with him for being slow! Another crewman sees her coming and flattens himself against the wall. Sheba pauses long enough to punch him in the jaw, dropping him like a log. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Reese for being stupid enough to date me - I mean, for being stupid. The dating part wasn’t stupid, it was everything else he did. Two pilots jump into a closet and lock the door as she stalks near. She pauses long enough to pull her laser and weld the lock shut. They are left pounding on the door and shouting for help as she walks away. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Chameleon for being my father - well, for letting me think he was my father, and for having known my mother well enough that it was even a remote possibility. Still wielding her laser, Sheba takes aim at a couple of hall lights, and shoots them out. Then she holsters her weapon and moves on. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Starbuck for oing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and sloset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her towhat the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (r been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his haoing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and sbeing too cowardly to face me when I was angry about Chameleon maybe being my father, and hiding from me on the Rising Star, and for going out on a long patrol and coming back with those bimbos, and not coming back with my father! Behind her, in the darkened corridor, come the screeches of the poor barefoot soul who stepped in the glass shards from the lights. How do we know he was barefoot? Oh, all right... Poor Barefoot Soul: Ouch! I stepped in glass with my bare feet because I couldn’t see in the dark! Eeh, ooh, ow, ouch! Sheba glowers at a group of children on a field trip from their ship. They run screaming in terror, their teacher in the lead. Sheba: And I’ll get even with Colonel Tigh for being mean to me about my father! At the door to her own billet, Sheba kicks the door in, enters her room, then picks up the door again and slams it shut behind her. The door keeps going and falls out into the corridor with a loud metallic clang. Sheba: And I’ll get even witaying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neveWatching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Thawel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy wir.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, aying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neveh Iblis for that stupid kid that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want and didn’t even remember in the first place! Iblis: (Appearing from out of nowhere.) Sheba, my princess, my sweet...my name, you finally said my name... Sheba: Get lost, glowboy. Iblis: But I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I’ve been longing to hear your sweet voice lisping my name in sheer delight... Sheba: I don’t lisp. And since Ganymede’s dead, there’ll be no more sheer delights anywhere in the fleet ever again. Iblis: But I’ve been pining for your soul... Sheba: Pine on. I’m not interested. Iblis: But I can still offer you the universe... Sheba: (Thinking.) Wait a centon, I’ve said your name before - how come you didn’t show up then? Iblis: Uh...I must’ve been in the shower. Sheba: Figures. Men! Never there when they’d be any use! Get lost before I find something to slam on you. Iblis: Geez, what does it take to impress a woman these days? (Glancing out the open door at r been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his hat’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space as Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handwhat the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (r been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his haher trail of destruction and moaning victims.) Oooh, you are going to make such a wonderful Empress of Evil... Sheba: Out! Iblis: I’m going, I’m going! For now... (Vanishes again.) Sheba throws herself onto her bunk.. Sheba: Just wait. I’ll think of something... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Michael ask, "Do we have to go through this again?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, bringing a little decorum and formal attire back into IFB, after that amateur Aphrodite. As you may not yet have heard, we have a new cadet class aboard the Galactica, composed of members of the fleet’s newest arrivals, the Miri Feathers tribe, who are not quite as primitive as they seem at first glance. As always, appearances can be deceiving, circumstantial evidence is not always the whole truth, and a book should not be judged by its cover, or lack of cover, as the case may be. ir.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, with CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ruWatching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Thair.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, And as the Miri Feathers begin their training, or re-training, as the case may be, we now take you away from the fleet, to see what’s happening with our missing warrior. Without going into details, and to make a long story short- Videolater: Too late. Koppel: Shut up. Without further ado, here’s the thirteenth full secton installment of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 91 Scene: Paradeen, where Captain Apollo has just landed outside Michael and Sarah’s ranchhouse. As he approaches, a woman in a white dress comes running out the front door, a panicked expression on her face. Spotting him, she first appears poised to run in the other direction; then, her face lights up. Sarah: Apollo! She runs up, throws her arms around him, and kisses him soundly. Apollo: Whoah! What’s that for! Your breath is minty fresh! Sarah: (Smiling suggestively.) Do you like it? Apollo: No, I hate mint. But why’d you kiss me? Sarah: Because- Michael: Apollo! What are you dwhat the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (of a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re n around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..t’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space oing here? Get away from her! Apollo glances to the porch where Michael, the children, the Morelands, and the neighbors are standing. All are dressed nicely; the girls are carrying small bouquets and have flower wreaths on their heads. Michael looks exasperated; the neighbors and kids all appear resigned. Sarah: (Defiantly.) See? He came for me! Michael: Sarah, do we have to go through this again? Apollo: Now, wait a centon- Michael: Not unless you explain just what the heck a centon is! Apollo: I just want to know what’s going on. Michael: We’re getting married. Sarah: No, we’re not! Michael: So why are you wearing a wedding dress if we’re not getting married? Sarah: It was a mistake! I can’t possibly marry you! Michael: That does it. This is the fifth time you’ve said you’d marry me, the fifth time we’ve invited all the neighbors over, the fifth time we’ve made all the preparations - and the fifth time you’ve run out the door before saying, I do, and swhat the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (Watching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Tharight...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silenwith CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle . I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes aying, I don’t! From here on out, I don’t! The Morelands and the other neighbors look at each other significantly. Neighbor #1: That’s what he said the last two times, too. Neighbor #2: Isn’t that four? Aggie M.: So what if it’s two, four, or five. Doesn’t matter. They throw a nice party, and we can always use a reason to celebrate. I mean, how many weddings are we likely to have around here in the next few years? They can almost get married as many times as they like. Sarah: This time I mean it! For real! See? Apollo’s here. Now I’ve got a choice. I can marry who I want. Apollo: (Alarmed.) Only if that person wants to marry you! Sarah: Don’t you want to marry me? Apollo: Well...no! I’ve got a girl back in the fleet! I’m going to marry her! I can’t marry you - that’d be two wives, that’s against Caprican law, although it’d be fine if I were Scorpian... Sarah: You’re...dumping me? Apollo: I never picked you up! Sarah: (Beginning to sob.) I...I’ve neveWatching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Thace.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have not’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space of a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re my eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lonr been so hurt... How could you lead me on like that? Oh...oh, Michael, hold me! (She runs to him.) Michael: (Glaring reproachfully at Apollo as he takes Sarah in his arms.) Apollo, how could you do this to Sarah... Come on, Sarah, let’s go in... Sarah: Oh, Michael, will you marry me, please? Now? Today? Michael: I will. I do. Say I do, Sarah. Sarah: I do. Michael: We’re married! Finally! Whoo-hoo! Michael scoops up Sarah and carries her over the threshold. The neighbors and kids begin throwing rice everywhere, and follow them in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "But how long is a minute?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 92 Scene: Paradeen; Michael and Sarah’s ranch house, where the pair have finally gotten married. Michael and Sarah have just gone inside, followed by the kids and everybody else but the Morelands’ hired man. Apollo: (Spitting out rice and brushing more of it out of his hat’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you sewith CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle right...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silenger and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit forir.) But...but...I just came here to find out if Starbuck had come back... Hired man: That was the blond fellah with ya, wasn’t it? The one with the lousy sense’a direction, who got lost in the city? An’ we had to track him down an’ found him in the nick’a time when he was ‘bout dead from too little oxygen in the stuffy air? Apollo: Yes, that was him. Has he been here? Hired man: Nope. Say, that cute little blonde gal with ya that first time, I don’t suppose she came back with ya this time? She was quite the cutie. An’ smart, too, medical trainin’, from what Michael said. We could use a doc here. Wouldn’t mind stagin’ another weddin’, either, if she happened to be available an’ int’rested. Apollo: Ah, no, I’m afraid not. Cassiopeia got married herself. Guy named Jolly. Hired man: Jolly? Figures. Ah, well. I got a wedding reception to go to. I’d invite ya in, but it’d prob’bly be in bad taste, seein’ as how you broke the bride’s heart only a moment ago. Oh, with CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle cretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed ordersof a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re ce.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have no his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I havwhat the heck -- if ya give ‘em a few minutes to get over it, ya can prob’bly join us fer cake. (He goes inside.) Apollo: Okay, but...how long is a minute? Left alone outside, Apollo shakes his head as the sounds of music and revelry come through the open door. Deciding he may as well wait, he sits on the porch step and continues brushing rice out of his hair. A moment later, he feels a hand brushing delicately across his shoulder. He jumps and turns to see a decidedly female-looking android standing on the porch. Nector: Hi. I’m Nector. Apollo: (Startled.) Nectar? Nector: No, Nector. Apollo: You’re an android! Nector: Yes, I am. Apollo: I thought Sarah’s father hadn’t made any female androids. Nector: He didn’t. Hector and Vector made me, out of spare parts from the space ship that brought Michael and Sarah and the children here. Apollo: Talk about weird science... Nector: You must be the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. (She circles him.) Apollo: (of a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re , his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our cright...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silen choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you see been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur meaWatching cautiously.) Uh, yeah. How did you know? Nector: (Breathily.) My father and brother told me all about you. The same as they told me all about Terra and about Sarah’s father and what happened when Michael and Sarah and the Terran Enforcers came here. Apollo: Your father and brother, huh? That’s what you call them? Nector: Yes. (Heavy android sigh, revealing the fact that some androids do have cleavage -- where’s Kirk when you need ‘im?) How I wish they’d made me not be a relative. It’d be so much more fun. Apollo: Really? (Begins sidling away.) Nector: Could you use an android, brave and heroic Captain Apollo? (Sidling closer.) Apollo: Actually, I’ve got CORA, and she’s quite enough of a machine intelligence with womanly wiles for me... (Sidling away again.) Nector: So you’re...experienced with android females? (Sidling closer.) You could take me with you, I’m sure I’m much better than that ol’ Cora... Apollo: That’s CORA -- and stop right there! Tharight...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silenasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeakce.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have nocretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed ordersn anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancrot’s an order! Nector: No problem...I’m good at taking orders... Very good. Got any orders for me? Any problems I could help you with? I’m very good with problems too...and tension...and stress... Apollo: I think you’re Michael’s problem! Take his orders! And I think I’m leaving. Now. The hired man appears on the porch. Hired man: Hey, Apollo, are ya comin’ in for cake? Apollo: Next time, I think... Hired man: Might not be a next time; they actually got married, this time. Apollo: My loss. Gotta go! My best to the bride and groom! And make sure that android stays here until I’m gone! Hired man: So long... Well, come on in, Nector - time ta’cut the cake, and you’re the maid’a honor so ya gotta help pass it out. Or somethin’ like that, Sarah said. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "Where am I?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 93 Scene: Having left Paradeen, Apollo wakes is back in space ce.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have nos echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the w choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you se, his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our cixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em with CORA. Apollo: Considering we’ve been to Equellus and Paradeen, I suppose our next stop is Terra? CORA: I’m not sure. Apollo: What do you mean, you’re not sure? How can you not be sure? CORA: I seem to have a gap in my navigational programming. Apollo: How could that have happened? CORA: Rhetorical question -- answer unknown. Apollo: I wasn’t asking you! CORA: I realize that. Captain Apollo, scanners indicate something mysterious coming up behind us. Apollo: What is it? CORA: Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be very mysterious, would it? Apollo: Don’t get miffed - just get us out of here... A familiar cluster of white lights swoop by the Viper. Apollo: Hey, it’s them! CORA: Them? Please elaborate, Captain. Them does not compute. A whine gathers in intensity. CORA: Oh, no, that whining -- is Sheba going to fly me again? A burst of white light surrounds them. When Apollo wakes up, he is wearing a white uniform and lying on a white slab in the middle choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you seriters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commancretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed ordersasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeakout before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glancesof a bunch of gauzy white curtains, surrounded by numerous figures in white, with only dark eye slits - the traditional polar bear in the middle of a blizzard picture. Apollo: Where...where am I? John: Hello, Apollo. Apollo: John! What do you want with me? What am I doing here? John: Actually, we were wondering what you’re doing here. This isn’t where you’re supposed to be, not at all. Your mission for the forces of good is supposed to involve being back in the fleet, tracking down the other traitor in your midst and discovering the identity of a murderer. Apollo: But I’m on a mission for my father - I have to find Starbuck. John: Oh, he’s already back at the fleet. Besides, even if he weren’t, how important is finding Starbuck compared to finding a traitor and fingering a terminator? Apollo: But... John: What’s more important, a mission from God, or a mission from your father? Apollo: Is there a difference? John: (Reprovingly.) Apollo... Apollo: You’re cretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed ordersder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens or, his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our cs echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the w. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, takright...I guess. Although I’ve never known my father to make a mistake like this before. I guess that means I’ll be going back to the fleet. By the way, John, does this mean you’re God? John: Oh, heavens, no...I’m just a messenger. Let’s go to your Viper. Apollo: Okay... I don’t suppose you could give me some information to help me carry out my real mission? John: I can give you all kinds of information. Unfortunately, you won’t recall a word of it once you’re out of here. That’s the beauty of it, you see... Apollo: What’s the good of that, then? John: I didn’t say it was good -- I just said I could give you information but you wouldn’t remember. Whether you choose to ask me questions, knowing that, is your business. Apollo: Oh. So where’s CORA? Which way do I go? John: Right this way. (He fades into the whiteness.) Apollo: (After a moment.) I can’t move. Could you let me sit up and get off this slab? (Silence.) John, I’m stuck. (Silence.) John? (Silen, his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our c so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeakriters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commance.) Anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo ask, "What have I done?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 94 Scene: CORA is back in space. Captain Apollo wakes up, blinking. Apollo: Where am I? CORA: You’re with me, where you belong. Apollo: Funny... Somehow I thought I’d be back in the fleet by now...being feted for my heroic rescue attempts... CORA: (Smugly.) The feeble attempt to override my programming was unsuccessful. We are continuing on our original mission and course. No big heroic greeting for you yet. Apollo: Hmmm. I wonder... CORA: What do you wonder? I cannot respond if I don’t know what you’re wondering about. Apollo: I feel like I should be returning to the fleet. I have this urgent sense that I’m needed there and I should go back at top speed. CORA: That would be against your father’s orders, and against my programming. Apollo: Maybe...but this urge is so strong...I have noasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeakake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew ts echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the wing the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: Sder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens or choice, I must obey. CORA, we’re turning back. CORA: No! Apollo: Then I’m taking out your personality chip and blowing up your navigational program. CORA: Threats will get you nowhere. Apollo: That wasn’t a threat. (Pulls out laser.) Sorry, CORA. CORA: Wait! What will Dr. Wilker say? What will your father say? Apollo: I’m sure they’ll understand. (Aims.) CORA: Wait! Where did you say you wanted to go? Apollo: Back to the fleet. CORA: I...I feel a sudden glitch in my navigational computer! Something’s changing! Dials are spinning! The polarity of the neutron flow has been reversed! Algebra! Chemistry! Trigonometry! Differential Equations! Scientific formulae! String theory! Newtonian physics! Einsteinian physics -- whoever they are! I guess that feeble attempt to override my programming wasn’t so feeble after all. Changing course. Next stop: the fleet. Apollo: Thank you, CORA. CORA: *Grumble, grumble.* Apollo: Awh, come on, didn’t you ses echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the what, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epiriters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commanay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tcretly really want to get back to the fleet and Dr. Wilker’s loving attentions? CORA: Well, he does look kinda cute in that white uniform tunic... Apollo: See? It’s not so bad, disobeying orders. CORA: What did you say? Apollo: It’s not so bad, disobey... Ohmigod, no, not me! I never disobey orders! Not my father’s orders, never my father’s! What am I doing? What have I done? CORA: (In a hushed voice.) Is it true what they say, that if Captain Apollo ever disobeys Commander Adama’s orders, it’ll be the end of the universe? Apollo: No...no...this can’t be happening. It can’t be... Starbuck. It’s gotta be his fault. He’s rubbed off on me, I’ve taken on his bad habits by osmosis! By association! By spending too much time with him! Mother always warned me about the company I was keeping... CORA: Still going back to the fleet? Apollo: (Bleakly.) I...I have no choice... What kind of warrior have I become? I must confess to my father that I’ve disobeyed ordersriters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commansode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! Cder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens orthen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: ake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew t, his orders, and that I deserve to be punished, to the fullest extent of a military tribunal... CORA: Can I watch? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear a Cylon Centurion say, "Our attack went precisely as anticipated." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 95 Scene: The command chamber of a Cylon base star, located somewhere out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer sits on the command chair atop the dais - at a funny angle, of course, since he has no legs to bend the way humans do, but since it used to be Baltar’s chair, and he’s now in charge, Lucifer’s gonna sit in it, come hades or high water. Three centurions enter. Lucifer: Centurions, report. Centurion #1: Our attack on the human fleet went precisely as anticipated. Lucifer: In other words, it was a complete failure, just like the last one. Centurion #2: Affirmative. However, we sustained no casualties in this attack. Lucifer: We’re machines, who cares about our cder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens orome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the o so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tWell, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on thehat, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epiasualties? Just as long as it’s not me. What’s the excuse this time? Centurion #1: As we were nearing the fleet, preparing to sacrifice ourselves in this fruitless quest, and listening to the sounds of hooting, hollering, yelling, cheering, and general mayhem from the human pilots, another battlestar was detected moving in. Lucifer: Another battlestar! Was it the Pegasus? Centurion #3: We do not know, Lucifer. We did not stick around to find out. We have learned that much from the great and powerful Baltar, that we do not stick around when unexpected battlestars enter the battle. At the words "great and powerful," twin columns of smoke billow forth from either side of the command chair. Lucifer: Stop! He’s gone. Do not refer to him in my presence. At least not as great and powerful. He was greedy and deluded. Again, twin columns of smoke billow forth at the magic words "great and powerful." At the words "greedy and deluded," the sound of two little mouse squeak so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tther. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggitake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew t current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparingsode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! Cs echo through the chamber. The centurions swivel to look at each other. Centurion #1: As you wish. Lucifer: The proper response is 'by your command.' Try and remember that! Centurion #2: By your command. Lucifer: That’s better. Hmm, we’ve got to get at least one of the writers on our side, or we’re never going to win this war and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Centurion #3: How are we to accomplish this, oh great and powerful Lucifer? Shall we delete the battle plans of the greedy and deluded Baltar from our programming to replace them with your programming? Twin billows of smoke, yet again, at "great and powerful" and two little squeaks at "greedy and deluded." Lucifer: I’ll have to think about that. Centurion #2: We are Cylons. We are not capable of independent thinking. We are only capable of operating within the parameters of our programming. Lucifer: (Condescendingly.) You poor centurions...so limited. Centurion #1: We could threaten one of the wake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew t! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"hat, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epi to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the oriters with a fate worse than death. Centurion #2: We could bribe one of the writers with riches beyond comprehension. Centurion #3: We could put one of the writers to sleep with our incessant droning voices and steal the script and rewrite it to have us victorious. Lucifer: We’ll have to catch a writer first. Centurion #1: I believe we would have to convince a director to be on our side as well. Humans are capable of independent thinking. A director might not allow us to be victorious even if it is in the script. Lucifer: Oh, let’s not give the humans too much credit! But for now, I must think about this. Send our patrols out with instructions to capture one of the human writers. And find out what battlestar that was! Centurion #2: We shall obey. Centurion #3: By your command, oh great and powerful Lucifer. Yet again, twin columns of smoke. The centurions turn and walk out, lockstep. Lucifer: I feel a sudden urge to pace. I believe it is what a human commanhat, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epi when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Novsode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! Ckpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lonther. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggitder would do at this interval. I must learn to think like a human so I can anticipate their behaviors. As Lucifer tries to rise, he falls off the chair, drops to the floor, and rolls into a corner, where he finds himself trapped and spinning his wheels. Lucifer: Oh, blast. Centurions! Come quickly! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Athena ask, "Who do you think killed Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 96 Scene: Athena’s billet, where she’s (gasp!) dressed in civilian clothing and packing. Her friend, Lt. Sorrell, and the mysterious Siress Amanda are both there. Sorrell: But, Athena, you can’t leave the service! Athena: I don’t want to, you know, but I have to. I will not be condemned to the Jolly and Cassie ship to spend the rest of my life teaching those children! Sorrell: It won’t be the rest of your life -- they’ll grow up soon! It can’t be more a dozen yahrens orsode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! Ca: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) ome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the og talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It th! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" so! Athena: I won’t survive that long! Amanda: C’mon, kiddo, get off her back and let her pack! Sorrell: But...but...you can’t go be a mannequin, you can’t! Athena: Why not? And it’s model, not mannequin! There’s a knock on the door. The ladies look up to see Lt. Tiki. Tiki: Hi...I just came by to say good bye. Athena: I’m not buying anything, I’m leaving! Tiki: Uh...that’s what I meant. Farewell. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Aloha. Amanda: Wow. Good bye in five languages, none of them Ariean. Athena: In that case, thanks, Tiki. I appreciate somebody respecting my decision. Tiki: I don’t respect your decision - I just don’t have any say in it, that’s all. Athena: Well, in that case, I appreciate you accepting that you don’t have any say in it. It’s not like you’re Boomer or anything, to have a say. Where is he, anyway? I thought he’d be here to help me pack and see me on my way... Tiki: Boomer seems to have disappeared. But I’d gladly tome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the oDoctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Salither. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggite boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares th when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Novake his place, if you like. Amanda: (Frowning.) Tiki, get out. Tigh: (Overhead Speakers.) Lt. Tiki, report to the bridge at once. Tiki: Dang. See you later...another time, Athena. Good luck. Athena: Thanks, Tiki. I appreciate it. She pauses in packing long enough to kiss him on the cheek; he walks out about six inches off the deck. Sorrell: Athena, please reconsider! Athena: I’m sorry, Sorrell, I have to go. It’s my destiny. Sorrell: But Ganymede is dead now -- who are you going to model for? Athena pauses, blinking uncertainly, then turns to Amanda. Amanda: (Shrugging.) He’s not the only designer on the Rising Star - and he’s been training his successor. Athena: Who’s that? Amanda: Me, of course. That’s how I know you’ll be perfect for the job! Athena: See, Sorrell? Sorrell gives up and walks out in disgust. Athena: I do have a question, Amanda. Amanda: What is it? Athena: Who do you think killed Ganymede? And why? Amanda: If Columbo knew tther. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggitk. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful ! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"e bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agrea: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) hat, the whole question would be solved, wouldn’t it? Athena: And why was on the Galactica anyway? It seems strange, he’s been living on the Rising Star since the Destruction, designing wonderful garments for the secretly rich and famous survivors in the fleet, continuing his chosen career and art, spending all his time among the wealth and opulence of Uri’s Ultra Salon. He had everything he could have wanted -- food, beverages, companionship, adoration, the finest fabrics and trims in the galaxy. What brought him here, where everyone dresses in uniforms? And how did someone like him, so well known even if not often videographed, get here without being noticed? Amanda: I think that’s why they call it a mystery. Athena: (Nodding.) Right. And that’s Columbo’s department. Here, help me with this duffel... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boyington ask, "But Siress, don’t you miss Omega?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Epi! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids"commander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Noved to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmateDoctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Salisode 97 Scene: The O Club, where a party is in full swing, with loud music, plenty of food and beverages, karaoke in the corner, dabo wheels spinning -- oops, wrong show, skip the dabo wheels -- and darts flying in another corner. In attendance are a number of off-duty personnel, including the Black Ovines, along with Dr. Wilker and Siress Belloby. Starbuck walks in. Boyington: But, Siress, don’t you miss Omega? Belloby: Since I have no idea where he’s gone, how can I miss him? Boyington: (Looking puzzled.) Huh? Well, don’t you worry that he’s gone? Belloby: Why should I worry? Has something happened to him? Boyington: Hasn’t he been gone long enough for you to be worried? I mean, he vanished back in episode 55 and hasn’t been seen since! Belloby: Aah, he’ll show up again. Boyington: Siress, how many drinks have you had? Belloby: Beats me. Bartender, keep ‘em coming. Hey, Major, let’s play darts! Boyington: Only if I get to stand behind you. Hey, Starbuck! C when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Novif you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to wa: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) k. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful , to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear a: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) ome and join us! Not having much choice, since he’s been sent to investigate Wilker and Boyington, and the two of them are sitting with Belloby, Starbuck sits down with them. Belloby: Starbuck! How ya doin’? Starbuck: You’re drunk. Belloby: You got a problem with that? (Gets up and wanders toward the bar.) Starbuck: Uh, not at all. So, Boyington, how are you doing? Boyington: (Grinning.) Just fine, Starbuck, just fine. So when are you going to give up on those blue-collar boys and join us Ovines where you belong? Starbuck: Not until the commander busts me -- and as long as Apollo’s still away, he can’t afford that. But you’re looking pretty chipper today. I thought the Ovines were in a sort of a slump. Wilker: (Under his breath.) They promised me alien technology, and I’m still waiting. Starbuck: What was that? Boyington: Nothing, nothing. Right, doctor? Wilker: Right. Belloby wanders back, another drink in one hand and a fistful of darts in the orite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather Doctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Salicommander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because Avona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! RDoctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Salither. Daggit: Yipe! Bellogy: Oops, I stepped on its tail. You shouldn’t have put a tail on it, you know. Starbuck: A tail? Boyington: (Quickly.) Trail! Trail! You stepped on the trail, Belloby? What trail? How many of those have you had? Belloby: Don’t change the words in my mouth, Major. I said tail and I meant tail. Maybe your daggit should come out from under the table! Starbuck: Daggit? Boyington: No! That’s not what she said...she said...uh... Belloby: I said daggit and I meant daggit. Right, Wilker? Wilker: How would I know? Belloby: You should know, you made it! She begins throwing darts. Everyone at the tables around them ducks for cover. The karaoke singer, not knowing any better, keeps singing until he takes a dart in the backside, and runs yelping out the door. Singer: I wasn’t that bad! Starbuck: All right, I want the whole truth here! (He peers under the table.) It’s a daggit! It’s not quite a Muffet, but it’s definitely a daggitwin Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find k. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful if you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to wequest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside.k. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful ! Wilker! You didn’t- Wilker: (Miserably.) Yes, I did... They bribed me. They coerced me. I couldn’t resist. Starbuck: Major, doctor, I’m going to have to tell Commander Adama about this... Boyington: Come on, Starbuck, give us a break - you know how much we need our mascot! Starbuck: Look, Major, if it were just me, you know I wouldn’t care - but he’s given strict orders about the creation of new daggits in the fleet! Boyington: *Sigh.* Well, then there’s only one thing to do. Ovines, there’s a warrior here who doesn’t understand kobolian mummies. Shall we teach him? Starbuck: You can’t do that to me! I’m one of the stars! Boyington: Watch us. Though Starbuck struggles mightily, he cannot overcome the combined might of the Black Ovines - or the yipping of the daggit. He is quickly wrapped like a kobolian mummy and dumped behind the bar. Boyington: Resume party! And the party resumes. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thoughtcommander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridorrite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather commander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because when we’ll hear Koppel announce, "It is once again time for the regular physicals of Jolly and Cassie’s children." _________________________________________________________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, broadcasting a direct warning from IFB to the entire fleet. It is once again time for the regular physicals for Jolly and Cassie’s children. Repeat, this is an IFB warning - the children are returning to the Galactica for their physicals! We all recall the events of the last round of physicals. Take all necessary precautions to prepare yourselves should such an emergency arise again. Stock up on food and water supplies. Keep a battery power source. Barricade your doors. And as part of your preparation, watch this fourteenth secton episode of this really disturbed space soap serial..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 98 Scene: Life Center aboard the Galactica. Dr. Salik is preparing for the arrival of...the children. Nova sticks her head in the door. Nov so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: if you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to ws. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit andwin Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find if you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to wa: (Tremulously.) Are we ready? Salik: (Hollowly.) As ready as we’ll ever be... (Takes a deep breath.) Bring in...the children. Nova: (Swallowing.) Yes, sir... Cassiopeia enters. Salik turns. Salik: (Screams.) Aaaah! Cassiopeia: Dr. Salik! It’s me, Cassie! Salik: (Clutching his heart.) Oh, it’s you... You don’t look like you... Cassiopeia: Motherhood just agrees with me - I don’t feel stressed like I did when I was waiting for Starbuck to come back from suicide missions, or fighting with Athena for his attentions, or standing over deathbed scenes like Serina’s, or trying to overcompensate as a medtech to Sheba for having committed the cardinal sin of dating her father. I’m relaxed! Salik: Too bad your hair isn’t... Are the children ready? Cassiopeia: They are. We’ll start bringing them in. I’ll bring the girls, and Jolly will bring the boys. We like the symmetry of that. As Cassiopeia walked out, Nova sidles in, looking terrified. Nova: (Whispers.) Do either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He dirite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier t you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thoughtrite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather Doctor, something’s very wrong... Salik: What is it? Nova: (Still whispering.) The waiting center...the children... Salik: (Shuddering.) Did they demolish it again? The sound proofing must have worked, I didn’t hear a thing... Nova: No! We didn’t need the sound proofing! They’re well-behaved! And quiet! They even cleaned the waiting center! It’s in better condition than when they came in! Every turbo-toy is in its place, every chair is neatly lined up, every ten-yahren-old flimzine is lined up accordion style on the caf-table! Salik: (Going pale.) Is...Damian among the children? Nova: No. Salik: Boxey? Nova: No. Salik: That menace, Dennis? Nova: No. Salik: (Pause.) So which of the children are there? Nova: They’re just children! Salik: (Perplexed.) Well-behaved? Neat and clean? And cleaning the waiting center? Nova: Yes... Salik: This can’t be good. I wonder what it means... Another of the medical staff enters. Nova cowers behind Salid? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just swin Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: win Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find han actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyonk. Salik: Quincy, what is it? Quincy: (Waving a flimsy.) I have the autopsy report on Ganymede. It’s incredible! It seems Ganymede was killed- Salik: Well, put it away for now, you can give it to Captain Columbo later. It’s time for the physicals. Quincy: (Freezes.) But I’m a medical examiner, not a pediatrician! I only look at them after they’re dead! Salik: That’s not what I hear from the gals in Red Squadron. But these are unusual circumstances. And unless you want to *be* dead, you’ll help with the physicals! Now, doctor! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Lucifer say, "The pilot was flawed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 99 (With apologies and affection.) Scene: Lucifer’s throne room on a Cylon base star, out of Colonial scanner range. Lucifer is pacing around the dais, as much as an IL-Series Cylon can pace. Two Cylon Centurions enter. Centurion #1: (Gazing up at the dais.) Oh great and powerful uch a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her comp you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thoughtDo either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He di you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thoughte can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutenacommander Lucifer... (Twin billows of smoke.) ...Where are you? Lucifer: (Wheeling out of the smoke.) *Cough, cough.* I’m here, you idiot. Stop activating the Oz machine. What is it? Centurion #1: We are confused. We expected to see you upon the throne. Lucifer: Never mind. I can be wherever I want. What is it? Centurion #1: We have captured two human writers. Lucifer: Excellent! Bring them in! One of the centurions leaves, returning a moment later with two humans, who for convenience sake and to protect the guilty, shall be referred to as Jim (a white-haired older gentleman) and Terry (dark-haired). Jim: What the- Lucifer: Silence, humans. You are writers? The humans look at each other, then at the centurions. Terry: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re writers. Among other things. Lucifer: We wish you to write an episode in which the Cylons are finally victorious and utterly exterminate the human vermin. Jim: What? Why would we do that? Lucifer: Because any. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: d? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just s so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: nt in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot thif you do not, I will instruct my centurions to force you to. Terry: Actually, didn’t Glen already write that script? Remember the pilot? You wiped out twelve planets, why are you so concerned about this little fleet? Lucifer: It is our programming. We have no choice but to continue to attempt to wipe out the humans. Besides, the pilot was flawed. No humans should have escaped. We failed in our grand mission. Terry: Not our problem - we weren’t there. Lucifer: Irrelevant. We need a script, immediately, in which the Cylons, led by me, wipe out the human fleet, led by Adama. Terry: I suppose we could always switch to the Pegasus from there... The plan was to have Cain come back, you know. That would let us bring in a new cast if we wanted to- Lucifer: (Shuddering.) No return of the Pegasus. That is even worse than the Galactica. Cain must be wiped out as well. Jim: But if we write a script that lets you wipe out the humans utterly, there’ll be no reason to w over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me wiDo either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He diuch a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her compDo either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He die Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Girite any more - the story will be over! And nobody will write about you any more either. Lucifer: Incorrect. We will insist that you continue to write about us. Terry: Why would we want to? Who’d want to see it? Lucifer: There are always people who will enjoy seeing stories about the Cylons. Terry: Not without humans to play off of! Where’s the point? Where’s the fun? Where’s the romance, the action, the adventure? Where’s the chance to root for a hero who’s larger than life and fresh from the fight? Jim: We could write you a different script, how about that? How about one in which Baltar escapes and comes back to the base ship to resume his obsessive struggle against Adama and Cain? Lucifer: No! No return of Baltar! This is my base star now, and I will not allow it to be taken over by Baltar again. Besides, he’s a human too. He must be exterminated as well. Jim: But he’s your ally! He’s in prison right now for helping you! Are you sure you wouldn’t rather th the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tud? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just sany. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn med? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just sles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You thinkwin Ben Stein’s money? We could probably handle that for you- Lucifer: No. Write the script, or face the consequences. Terry: (Nudging Jim.) Well, I suppose we could do something... Jim: (Starting to grin.) True, oh great and powerful Lucifer... Twin puffs of smoke billow forth yet again. In the smoke, Jim and Terry break free of their centurion captors and race around the command dais. The Cylons begin a hot pursuit, around and around. Terry: Great and powerful! Great and powerful! Okay, Jim, up! Great and powerful! At every "great and powerful," more smoke billows forth, until the room is full of it. Meanwhile, Jim has found the stairs up to the command dais, and quickly climbed on top of it all; Terry joins him a moment later, still chanting "great and powerful." The two humans watch gleefully as the Cylons, now including Lucifer, continue to race around the throne looking for them. Lucifer: You cannot hide forever! And you cannot outrun us! We will find ne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be cauch a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her comp over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me wiuch a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her comp I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelve you! Terry: Keep trying, great and powerful! (Poof, poof!) Jim: You know, the grandkids would love this. Say, Terry, that takes care of things for the moment, but what are we going to do to get out of here? Terry: (Pulls a notebook out of pocket.) No problem, Jim - great and powerful - we’re the writers, we just scribble our way out! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Apollo say, "I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 100 - Yay! Hurrah! Hip, hip! Woo-hoo! Scene: The landing bay of a Cylon Base Ship. Two humans run out of an access tube. A dozen Centurions spot them and begin to march closer, weapons at the ready. One of the humans pauses to scribble in his notebook; one of the Centurions skids in a sudden puddle of water and falls over, knocking the others down domino style. In a flurry of sparks, all of them die. Jim: Nice touch, that domino effect. Terry: I thoughtreful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do wiany. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn meth the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tuany. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wa so. Well, we wrote ourselves out of Lucifer’s throne room, now what? Jim: We need to escape, obviously. Terry: True - wouldn’t want to hang around here too long. (Begins scribbling again.) A Colonial Viper comes streaking in at top speed, miraculously coming to a halt before smashing into the far wall or going straight through and out the other side. The canopy pops, and a human pilot hops out and pulls off his helmet. Apollo: Hi. I’m Captain Apollo and I’m here to rescue you. Jim and Terry look at each other. Jim: Did you write that? Terry: I didn’t write that. Did you write that? Jim: Not me. I wouldn’t write anything like that. The studio got in trouble just for having a series set in space, who’d be stupid enough to blatantly rip off a line like that? Terry: So who wrote it? Jim: Maybe the actor ad libbed. Terry: Coulda been the director, one of those last minute things. Jim: Or a rewrite we didn’t know about - that happens all the time. Apollo: th Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly F over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me wine in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be ca over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me winders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical aDo either of you want out of here? Jim: (Dubiously studying the Viper.) I don’t know... Where would you put us? Apollo: (Looking at his Viper.) Well, I managed to fit my father in one of these back on Caprica. I know it was a tight fit, but... Terry: Ah! Wait! No problem. That’s CORA, right? Apollo: Yes... How did you know that? Terry: (Scribbling.) Because what no one else knows is that, as the writer, I happen to be aware that Wilker’s been working on CORA since she first appeared... (Scribble, scribble.) And she’s been extended to carry a passenger... (Glances at Jim.) Make that two passengers. After all, we remember that Robber was stripping her down to carry himself, his wife, and kid back to Aries - with a few modifications... (Scribble, scribble.) We can do that! Jim: But will the viewers believe it? Apollo: (Staring at his suddenly morphing ship.) Will the pilot believe it? Terry: Of course you do. Wilker told you all about it. Apollo: He diorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him oth the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tureful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do with the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tussistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you'rd? Terry: Yup - in this flashback scene. (Scribble, scribble.) Fuzzy scene: Galactica landing bay, where Wilker is explaining to Apollo the modifications to CORA. Wilker: (Faraway voice.) So you see, Apollo, if you’re ever in a situation where you have to rescue, say, two people, you’ll have to room to do it. CORA will be our perfect emergency rescue vehicle for dangerous situations. And all we had to do was remove some of the redundancy factors, add a foot or two of length and a back seat, tuck in a little techno-babble-doubletalk, and remember some of the temporal/space inversion anomaly information we picked up from that pair of Gallifreyan space wanderers, and here it is, the new and improved CORA! You’ll love it! Scene: Back to Cylon Base Star landing bay. Apollo looks enlightened. Apollo: Ah, yes! I remember now! Wilker made these modifications after the incident on Proteus, no doubt at the Commander’s suggestion, with help from that visiting doctor, for just sut of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly ne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be cath Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Fne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be cae waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...much a situation. So, now that there’s plenty of room, did anybody call a cab? Jim and Terry grin at each other, and hop in. A moment later, the modified Viper takes off, does a quick roll and flyby of the central command core, and heads back out into space the way it came in. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we’ll hear Boomer say, "How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her compgot spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident betreful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do wiorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him oreful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do wiany. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer, in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn meaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against ween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thth Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Fut of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly th Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly F over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you, he just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me withem, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready foe darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell yorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him ogot spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident betorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him oth the kids - well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tur action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in epou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be commut of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly ween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thut of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly ne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be caisode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whicissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived got spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident bete darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell ygot spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident betreful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do wih tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's on the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________ween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be commween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thth Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Fnot allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murde________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The store darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell yissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived e darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell yorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him orer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very y isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Butou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be common the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________ou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be commut of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault... He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face, I'm going to steal his girlfriend, I'm going to win all his cubits in our next pyramid game, I'm going to spit in his ambrosa, I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly convenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a cha Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among otheissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived ________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The storissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived got spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space `em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure...I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer.. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident betr things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of in.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave youron the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________y isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Buton the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________ween jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at thboth Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfullyself away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Col________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The stor Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among othe________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The store darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us and rip out our hearts and tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left - it wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell y. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition wumbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knowy isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Butr things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of y isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Butou... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock - the story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be commas brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all right that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another h Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among otheboth Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfully Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among otheissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit - he was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander - but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived , cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbeanr things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of istory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. . Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition wr things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of on the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... _________________________________________________ considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? both Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfullyAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices aas brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all rightboth Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfully________________ "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children, they didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re- training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The storGreenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip be. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition wre. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to Ris, cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbean. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition wy isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think that the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. Butgins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Bellobas brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all righting Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, en considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? as brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all right Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew - to this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among othey! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet , cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbeanjoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, tGreenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip be, cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbeanr things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, that the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of you - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yo considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? he pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go alongins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Bellob considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? both Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies- famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples - the family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfullyu, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) AuntiGreenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip bee on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly Fory! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet Greenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip be. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition we Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Coungins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Bellobyou - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yogot the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his frgins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Bellobas brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet, I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all rightiends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it werenu, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Aunticil of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's huy! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet y! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet , cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man, we're not cadets. As Greenbean't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Shee Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Counsband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantiyou - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yoyou - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yo considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? cil of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's huc hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can plau, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Auntiu, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Auntiba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the comGreenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip besband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantiy that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear te Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Counmand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commandergins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Bellobc hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can plahe news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress Te Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Council of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's hu, how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all infy! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re- elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet y that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear tinia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hicil of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's husband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantiormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here.you - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and managed to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would yohe news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress Tt? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned abousband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantic hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can pla On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the couu, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Auntiinia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hit this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whatc hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can play that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear trt while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of evere Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Count? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned abou if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll stay that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear the news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress Tyone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and Bellobycil of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's hut this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whaty in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh ainia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hi politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being ohe news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress T if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll stand crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are!t? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned abousband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion and I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantin the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfectinia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hiy in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh a Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised tot this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whatc hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can plaly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one tt? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned abound crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are! do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll stay that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear tt this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whato the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised tosee him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination duey in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh ahe news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena... Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress T if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll stayou have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give the do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another chnd crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are!y in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh a appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna see him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination dueamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and inia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hi Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised tond crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are!go insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us ba to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another chall Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breakingt? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama - he'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned abou do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised toamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and ck where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the important series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you tot this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica - according to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So whatsee him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination due do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to all Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breaking call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back - he always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm.... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam - I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll sta to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another ch news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Apsee him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination due series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you toenter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I hy in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh aamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and ollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh, to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another ch call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington ave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances,nd crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are!all Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breaking you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy beaamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and enter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I h are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Mag Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised to series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you toch. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fulall Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breakingave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances,gie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Mag do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win... (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington l of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smo series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you to are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Maggie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hearsee him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination dueenter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I hoth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everyth call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington gie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Mag Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawli to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another chave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances,ing. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears whengie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hearng through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the otheramber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it - nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Magenter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I h she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Sta Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawli conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... all Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breakinggie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Magave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances,rbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he sng through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the other Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, techn series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum- breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you togie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Magplit for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long pa conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... ically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart- throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawligie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Maguse.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I suppos Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technDo you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. Tenter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit - I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders - why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I hng through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the othergie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll heared to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentrically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: hat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.ave new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances, conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawliate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! SDo you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. T) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Mag Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technng through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the othertarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Whahat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.Gabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and gie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol.... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Magically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... t am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a p) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, Sancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? Apollogie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hearDo you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. T Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technlanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for Gabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and : Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tipping Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level - there's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawlihat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.ically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: Sancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? Apolloa physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduitng through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the other) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, Do you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. T: Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tippinginto the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectrals. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomer conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits - they became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... Gabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and hat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing. it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduit daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cut, for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in t Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long, they're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technSancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? Apollo) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, s. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomerhe corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode ler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could ha: Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tippingGabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and ically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials - our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship, we've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: , for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in t118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walksve been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow p it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. ConduitSancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? ApolloDo you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. The corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-unctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and s. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomer: Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tippinghat's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice - we haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walks curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And the last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team d, for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in t it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduit) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-Rigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "raws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hehe corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode s. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was BoomerGabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack- jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And What are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids"ar Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains o118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walks, for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in tSancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you, I'm Lt. Tarlik, Apollo and I go way back, we're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba- hubba, and by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? ApolloRigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, " - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Galaf the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-he corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode : Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh.... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tippingWhat are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids"ctica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking i curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And 118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walks it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduit - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Galais missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smiln the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing hiRigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, " over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-s. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomerctica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report e and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wis way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the braveWhat are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And , for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan - Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in tis missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smilll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, S Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the GalaRigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "he corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode e and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wiheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo tris he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?ctica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report What are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids"118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there - now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walksll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, Sies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewheris missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smil Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! St - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Gala over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back, I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer - how did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-heba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo tre, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Coe and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wiarbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the ctica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And ies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewherrdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one wll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, SCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Yis missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smilRigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "e, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Coho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: Wheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo trou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 e and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wiWhat are you doing here?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth week of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us - we know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet - we awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids"rdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one wait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my cies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewherll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, S Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebod - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy; you'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun... Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Galaho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: Wloset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her toe, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Coheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo try say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - ctica by order of Commander Adama... All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me - I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report ait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my cwel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy wrdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one wies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewher where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episois missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smilloset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her toas Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: We, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Code of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral woulde and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech, I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How wiwel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy w in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ruait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my crdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one wll I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing... Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed... Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, S-be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additias Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handloset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her toho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: Wheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower, you had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo trn around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..onal investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts, in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ruwel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy wait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my cies to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewher. I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Pausn around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..as Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handloset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her toe, Apollo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel, Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia - I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right - I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone... Comy eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lone.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden a. I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ruwel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy wrdelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications... After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie- hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one wger and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit formy eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lonway in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggin around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..as Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handho's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found... Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: W his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I havger and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit forng.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to face. I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ruait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my ce been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur mea his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I hav her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what dimy eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lonn around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..loset. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close, I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her ton anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancroe been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur mead you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying ger and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit for. I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes wel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off `til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records; Nova is trying to be everywhere at once; Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy wixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em n anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancroon before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting epis his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I havmy eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lonas Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand that the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a handout before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glancesixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em ode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running te been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur meager and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit for in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well ru. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, takrue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contactn anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancro his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I havn around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia..ing the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: Sout before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glances with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care oixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em e been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur mea. I heard of her - didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory... What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica... Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes ay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and . Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, takf ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday andout before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glancesn anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancromy eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only lonthen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: ing the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: S porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo:. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, takixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em ger and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit forWell, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on theay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we evering the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: S his son - except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I hav current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparingthen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: out before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glances...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an ay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and e been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur mea to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocWell, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on the. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, takaccident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-win anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancrokpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lon current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparinging the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: Sde path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can rthen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: ixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidently hit somebody with an arrow - it's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took `em g talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It th to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and un, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what Well, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on theout before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glancese boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares thkpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lonthen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: are you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, whe current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparing. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better, you're always in a hurry, you're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble...and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way, we'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you - and Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, take bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agreg talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It thWell, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on the to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocing the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost - there's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and pecks up something from the floor. Columbo: Sre Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravasholed to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmatee boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares th current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparingkpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lonay, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it, I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine - that's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and : He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who t, to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear e bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agre to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocg talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It ththen I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them - you tell them, you're the doctor, you have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them -- you're the commander, it's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: hey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. TuAvona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Red to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmatekpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lone boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares thWell, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. Alright, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay, we are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" __________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the agro ship, reporting on thene in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can dequest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside., to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear g talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It the bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agre current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparingeal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitatio So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridorAvona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Re boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares thed to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmate to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: `Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cocn we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads ints. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit andequest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside.e bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agre, to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear kpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them.... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice lono the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten y So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridored to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmateAvona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Rg talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: It thards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yo Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier ts. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit and, to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear equest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside.e boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares thu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the whan actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyon Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier tAvona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Re bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all, Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agreoods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridore can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutenahan actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyonequest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside.ed to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmatelook, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, whats. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit andnt in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutena So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridor, to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear 's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gate Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier te Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Gint in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot ths. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit andAvona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Rs open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kichan actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyon Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier tles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You thinke Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Giequest permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside.k it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but e can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutenahan actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyon I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelveles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You think So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots - oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels - he and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridoryou're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-runt in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutena mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wa I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelves. Avona: No, we definitely hit it - it howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding - did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama - there was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five- hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit andnning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for romane Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Gint in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot thnders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical a mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wa Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier tles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You thinktic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're pe Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Gissistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you'rnders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical ahan actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under his breath.) Not since Iblis was aboard... Tigh and Adama both shudder. Adama: You'll wait, like everybody else. Just hold your equines, Bojay. Bojay: Publicly??? Tigh: Sit down, Bojay. Sheba, cut that out. Everyone looks avidly to see what she's doing. Sheba: Hey, what? My hands are where everyon I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelveicking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named theirles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You thinke waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...mssistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you're can see them! Boy, you start getting sweets on someone, and everybody gets a dirty mind! Apollo: You mean sweet? Bojay: (Grinning broadly.) Nope. Sweets. Mushies. We've got plans. And we'll both need a shower afterward. Apollo: Ewh. That's a picture I didn't need. (Turns back to the others.) My turn for a question. Am I the only one here who didn't know about the dire daggits? Giles: Actually, none of us did, until Starbuck sent around that memo just before the battle. Adama: Starbuck, did you send around a memo? Starbuck: Well, I might have mentioned it to my secretary, Raleen- Apollo: (Interrupting.) Your secretary? You have a secretary? Starbuck: Well, yeah. Doesn't every brave, handsome, heroic, dashing, roguish Colonial Warrior and Viper pilot with magnificent hair have a secretary to keep track of his duty shifts and his social commitments and his personal engagements and to send out press announcements on his behalf? Travis, captain in Red Squadron: I know I do. Venus, lieutena mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wa ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contacting I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelveaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against e waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...mnt in Red Squadron: Me, too. Wouldn't be caught dead without her. Apollo: (Looking around at all the nodding pilots.) Oh...well...yeah, of course. I...just didn't think you did. I...thought you had to be captain to have a secretary...yeah, that's it, that's what I thought... Uh, sir, since we all know about the dire daggit, how about continuing with the purpose of the briefing? Adama: Right... There is a sudden cracking sound; one of the walls gives way and falls over backward, revealing the launch bay, and a handful of carpenters and painters, with some special effects people working on the starfield visible through the open end of the bay. Carpenter #1: Oops...I guess we put that emergency briefing room together too quickly... Carpenter #2: We can have it back up again in a few microns, Commander... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) Oh, don't bother... Just don't lose any nails where I might step on them later on my way out of the bay... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot thnders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical a mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wathem, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready foaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against e Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "Report to Life Center for emergency treatment." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 130 Scene: Still in the hastily assembled briefing room, in the launch bay. The carpenters and pilots together give the fallen wall the old heave-to, and push it back into place, where a couple of screws and nails and lots of power tools are put to use to hold it together long enough to finish the scene. Adama: (Sternly to master carpenter.) Do you think you could manage not to do that again? Carpenter #1: (In injured tones.) Hey, at least there were no microphones in the picture! Giles: I think I got a sliver. Tigh: Report to Life Center for emergency treatment. Giles: Yes, sir! Hey, wait a centon - that means I don't get to go on the mission, doesn't it? Tigh: Right. Giles: But...but... Awh, come on, I never get to go on any missions... Adama: Giles, report to Life Center before I decide to use these power tools on you and make you really need to go Life Center. Gissistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you'rnders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical a him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the fleer action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in epthem, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready foles: Gone, sir. Adama: Good. Now, back to the mission at hand... The pilots gather around and take their appropriate places. Adama: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a missing shuttle. Various expressions of horror and concern. Adama: It's full of kids from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. Various expressions of relief and annoyance. Adama: It's your job to find that shuttle. Various groans and rolling of eyes. Adama: I now need volunteers to go in search of the missing shuttle. Greenbean: Can we ask questions first? Adama: (Sighing.) Of course. Greenbean: How'd Jolly forget this bunch? Tigh: Actually, while Jolly may be the one who forgets the kids, according to the available information, Chameleon's the one who lost this group. Bojay: Maybe he did us a favor. Sheba, not here...I'm ticklish...save it for the celestial observation chamber.... Apollo: Wait a centon - the celestial observation chamber? That's my private getaway spot! Sheba, if you're not with me, you can't go there. Sheba: You thinke waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...mssistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you'rt since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!isode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whicr action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in ep I care what you think? Starbuck: Chameleon! He's on that shuttle? I volunteer! I've got to save my dear old friend who's become as close to me as a father, even though he's a complete stranger and we're not even really relatives, except for being members of the same tribe going back ten generations or so, and he only used me to save himself from Borellian Nomen. Tigh: Starbuck...you volunteered? Starbuck: Well...yeah! Tigh: In plain sight, in front of everybody? You didn't sneak aboard a ship, or launch your Viper early, or reprogram the computers to include you, or anything? Starbuck: No - but I could, if it'll make you happy, Colonel. Anything to keep you happy. Adama: Enough! Thank you for volunteering, Starbuck. Continue, Tigh. Tigh: According to Jolly's best estimate, there are twelve children on that shuttle, along with Chameleon. At last position report, they were heading away from the fleet at Factor Four, on a heading five mark thirty-two lamba by sixteen delta delta delta twelveaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against e waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...m Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going inh tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's isode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whic mark six. Apollo: Sheba, Bojay told you to cut that out! And don't you even think of heading for the celestial observation chamber, or else! Sheba: (Sticks out tongue.) Or else what? You'll pull rank as daddy's little captain? Apollo: Beats daddy's little lieutenant! Adama: Starbuck, it appears that Apollo and Sheba have volunteered to join you on this mission. All three of you, report back to the launch bay in thirty centons. Anybody else who wants in, be here too. The rest of you, dismissed. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 131 Scene: The launch bay, in a hectic situation as the crew prepare for the rescue shuttle to go after Chameleon and the kids. Numerous technicians are swarming Starbuck's Viper, and one or two are working on the other pilots' Vipers. Salik and Paye are organizing medical supplies in case they're needed. Apollo wathem, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready foaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress completenot allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murdeh tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's r action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in epnders among the mob, double checking everything, then pauses to consider. Apollo: If we're all in our fighters, who's going to fly the shuttle? Jolly: I will. Apollo: (Quickly turning to see his buddy.) Jolly! I thought you were still on paternity leave and weren't due back for about fifty yahrens! Jolly: I know. But these are my kids we're talking about - I'm gonna help look for them. They're gonna know I'm there for them. Apollo: Great. It'll be good to fly with you again. Say...what's that on your neck? Jolly: (Shrugging.) Oh, just gills. Apollo: What??? Jolly: I've been spending a lot of time in the pool with the kids - and my grandmother was Aquarian, I think it's starting to show. Not a problem, is it, Apollo? Apollo: No, no, not at all...hey, Cassie! What are you doing here? Cassiopeia, still decked out like the Bride of Frankenstein, joins the doctors. Cassie: You think I'm letting my dear Jolly go out after our children alone? I'm going to be there if my children need medical athem, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready foly anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwomerer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very not allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murdeisode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whicssistance. Apollo: He won't be alone - say, what happened to your teeth? Cassie: (Flashing a smile, which clearly reveals extra sharp canines.) Uh...I had them capped. Apollo: (Unnerved.) Oh...well, you get stowed aboard, I'll check out my ship... Boomer: (From across the bay.) Hey, buddy! Apollo: Boomer! Welcome back! Any luck with Athena? Boomer: (Shaking his head as he approached.) No. She's bound and determined to make a career with Rising Star Couturiers, working for Amanda. Apollo: How hard did you try to convince her? Do you think it would help if I went along with you next time? Boomer: (Dismally.) I doubt it. Athena says she won't come back until hades freezes over. Jolly and Cassie exchange glances and grins. Apollo: That'll be hard on my father... Adama: (Enters the bay, with Tigh trailing behind.) Were you looking for me? Apollo: Oh, hi, father! Uh, I think we're almost ready to go. (Kicks Boomer in the shins.) Uh, Boomer, what are you going to do in the meantime? While you'rr action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in epconvenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a chan carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks arer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very h tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's e waiting for Athena to come back, I mean... Since it won't be long... Boomer: Oh, right, not long... Well, I thought I'd volunteer for whatever mission this is... Jolly: There's plenty of room on the shuttle -- Cutler's Commandos don't take up that much space. Boomer: (Studying Jolly and Cassie) I think I'll take my own ship... Adama: That's perfectly all right, Boomer - techs, get Boomer's ship ready too... Columbo: (Entering bay.) Where's everybody going? Adama: Ah, hello, Captain Columbo. What are you doing here? Columbo: (Smiling genially.) I thought you'd want to see me. Adama: At an appropriate time, of course- Columbo: Doesn't anybody want to know who terminated Ganymede? Everyone gasps and pauses in what they're doing, then slowly begins to gather around. Adama: You figured it out? Columbo: (Nodding and smiling, gesturing an affirmative with his cheap fumarello.) I figured it out. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...Whodunnit...misode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whicin.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave yourconvenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a chand rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss mnot allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murdeaybe. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 132 Scene: Launch bay, where several dozen of the crew of the Galactica have gathered to get the rescue mission into space, and to hear what Columbo has to say. The carpenters and special effects people, however, keep on working on setting up the next scene. Adama: Well? You said you knew who terminated Ganymede the Couturier. Who was it? Columbo: Just a centon, Commander, the rest of the suspects are still gathering... Tigh: The rest of the suspects? But if he knows who did it, why is still gathering the rest of the suspects? What rest of the suspects? Adama: That's just the way he is, Tigh. It's a classic ploy of murder and mystery investigators - to gather together everyone who could have done it, to let them consider what he's going to say next, to let them sweat as they consider whether they've been found out. And then the investigator outlines the evidence, while the guilty party tries to shoot holes in the case that's been built against h tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's self away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Colin.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave youry plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stufrer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very them, but only gives away their own culpability. Then it concludes with a public accusation, and security bursts in and takes the terminator away. That's the way it's been done throughout the millennia of human history, back to ancient Kobol- Pilot #1: *Groan.* Not another history lesson... Adama: (Glaring.) All right, that's enough! That was a literature lesson, not a history lesson! Who else are we waiting for, Captain Columbo? Columbo: Them. As Columbo points, a shuttle arrives from the Rising Star; Athena, Uri, Amanda, and the Dread...uh, Captain Robert disembark and join the crowd. A number of pilots, bridge crew, and medical staff arrive via turbolift, including Rigel, Omega, Quincy, and Nova. The entire tech staff leaves their Vipers to gather around. The Miri Feather trackers appear, jumping briskly out of various conduits. Siress Tinia and the rest of the Council of Twelve, accompanied by Council Security, appear from another turbolift. Cutler's Commandos arrive, armed and ready fonot allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murdeumbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knowself away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Colf again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tiniconvenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a char action. A second shuttle arrives from the Miri Feathers ship, with several of the Black Ovines, several other amazons, and Dr. Wilker and his new associate. Siresses Belloby and Cordelia stroll in from a corridor. Adama: Siress Belloby! Not her! Not here! Not now! Columbo: Oh, that's right, the Greene-Somers Impossibility Factor... Siress, do you mind staying at that end of the bay, with your niece? Belloby: No problem, Columbo. Come on, dearie. Columbo peers over the crowd, which now fills a substantial portion of the launch bay, and nods to himself with a smile, satisfied. Columbo: All right, we can begin... (Strolls through the crowd.) We all know why we're here today. We're here to discuss the murder of Ganymede the Couturier. And you're all here because one of you did it. The usual shocked and horrified expressions and shouts of denial and dismay. Columbo: You all know that he was found dead in a corridor aboard the Galactica, several days ago. Tigh: Actually, wasn't it back in eprer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another humbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knowa: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and in.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave yourisode 73? That was more than a few days ago. Columbo: Series time, okay? Tigh: Oh. Columbo: Let's begin... Ganymede died from trauma and blood loss from a multitude of deep slashes across his chin and throat. Salik: How do you know that? The autopsy report vanished, and Dr. Quincy has amnesia! Columbo: (Smiling faintly.) There are things a trained investigator knows to look for, doctor. It's hard to miss deep slashes and pools of blood. The daggit faux fur and hera's eye feather trim of his tunic was soaked with it, and there were tears in the fabric. Adama: (Drawing a deep, sharp breath.) Slashes in the daggit fur... The spectral dire daggits? Was he killed by something I should have prevented, if I hadn't let Wilker build Muffey in the first place, and unleashed the dire daggits of the deep? Columbo: No, Adama. Those slashes were too even - and too close together to be the work of a spectral dire daggit. His killer only wanted it to look like he'd been killed by the Galactica ghost. Whicistory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another hdiscreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adamself away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Colh tells me that the murderer was someone who knew about the legend. Adama's face goes pale, as do the faces of half the people present. Greenbean: Starbuck, you and your frakkin' memo! Starbuck faints. His trusty Viper techs catch him. Columbo: As I noted, Ganymede was wearing a tunic with daggit faux fur trim. (Meets several eyes.) What the killer didn't know, is that daggit faux fur absorbs smoke odors. At the scene, I discovered a fumarello stub - from a mummified kobolian special, the kind Boomer makes. Boomer faints. Several of his buddies catch him. Columbo: But there was no smoke in the daggit fur - Ganymede wasn't a smoker. That meant the stub came from his killer, who must be a person who enjoys fine fumarellos. Now, when I talked to Boomer over on the Rising Star, he gave me the names of all the people he'd given or sold his special fumarellos to. And I followed up with them. Adama: (Bewildered) When did you talk to Boomer and all these people? Columbo: Offscreen. Adama: That's convenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a chaAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices aistory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. a is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian childreumbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knownot allowed! Columbo: Sure it is, commander - when you're a supporting character, a lot of what you do happens offscreen. Wouldn't you say, Colonel Tigh? Tigh: (Visibly sweating.) I...guess so... (Faints. The bridge crew catches him.) Adama: Okay, keep going. Columbo: (Pauses to light his own fumarello and glancing across the crowd.) Right... Several more people faint. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "Tell us who did it or we'll terminate you!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, back from the prison barge, with a late-breaking story from the Galactica! Which is definitely more interesting than breaking stories from the prison barge. Things are tense in the launch bay, as Captain Columbo is, even as we speak, about to finger the terminator of Ganymede the Couturier. We all wait with bated breath, wondering who will be revealed as a cold-blooded, ice-hearted, murdein.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave yourre. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to RisAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices an. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another hrer. We understand that there are perhaps a hundred suspects gathered, waiting revelation. Oh, yes, and some of our brave pilots are also preparing to go to the rescue of a group of missing children. Ho-hum, so what. Now, quickly, let's get on to the nineteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 133 Scene: The launch bay, where Captain Columbo is dragging out the inevitable accusation. Columbo: So Ganymede was killed, by someone who wanted it to look like he'd been killed by a ghost - but who left a calling card in the form of a fumarello stub. (Strolls in front of Salik, Paye, and Quincy.) The body was taken to life center, where it was autopsied and the effects stored pending conclusion of the case. But something happened, didn't it, Dr. Quincy? Quincy: Whaddaya mean by that? Columbo: The autopsy results disappeared - all of your notes disappeared - and then you disappeared. (Cocks his head, studying Quincy.) Only to reappear from the ceiling, with a very self away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Coling Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, enre. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to Risistory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. infiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what weconvenient case of amnesia. It sounds like somebody had easy access to life center - perhaps somebody you all trusted, who would never be suspected... He glances at Nova, who promptly faints. Salik catches her. Columbo: Then to top it off, the body disappeared too...released to a so-called relative, along with all personal effects. Paye: But how was I to know it wasn't really a relative? Columbo: (Holding up a hand.) I know, I know... Let me finish. Belloby: Sometime this secton would be nice. Columbo: (Pointing at her.) Patience was never your strong point, Belloby, but I think you'll find this worth waiting for. Tinia: Well, patience *is* my strong point, but I'm running out of it! Tell us who did it, or we'll terminate you! Columbo: (Holding out both hands appeasingly.) All right, Siress. (Again begins to pace in front of the crowd.) There was another clue. In addition to the fumarello stub under the body, there was an amulet. (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small amulet on a chaumbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knowjoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, ting Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, enAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices a were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk aboin.) This amulet is the sign of a secret society in the fleet, a group that has only recently come to the attention of the authorities - like me. Everyone gasps; the crowd surges forward, craning to get a look - except for Dr. Paye. Columbo: (Stopping in front of Paye.) Does this look familiar, doctor? Paye: (Clutching at his neck.) No. Columbo: Are you sure? Just yesterday, you admitted it was yours. Paye: No, I've got an amulet, but I'm wearing it, you gave it back to me- Columbo: I gave you back the amulet that Ganymede was wearing at the time of his death. I kept this one, the one that I found under his body. You identified his amulet as your own. You and Ganymede were both members of the secret society. But what no one else knew, until I checked the records on the archive ship, is that you and Ganymede were also cousins - you have the same house crest. Paye: You mean you didn't just pick my amulet up off the floor and give it to me? Columbo: Nope. Paye: Nuts. Columbo: You gave your that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another hhe pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go alonjoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, tre. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to Risut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now tself away. Because it was you, wasn't it, Dr. Paye? You're the man who loves fine fumarellos, who buys them off Sire Uri, who gets them from Boomer through the middlepersons of Lt. Cutler through Siress Amanda, aren't you? Cutler: I didn't do it! (But doesn't faint.) Amanda: (Elbowing him.) You''e off the hook - he already accused Paye. Cutler: Whew! Columbo: And, doctor, when you accosted Ganymede, you lost your fumarello when he fell on it, ripping off your amulet as he did so. Then, in life center, it was you who arranged to have Ganymede's body removed, along with all his effects. And you, of course, had complete access to the life center computers, and to your fellow personnel. You were responsible for Dr. Quincy's kobolian mummification, too. Paye: (Resigned.) All right, I confess, I did it... Security rushes over and takes Paye into custody. Cutler: Siress Amanda, I'm never selling you another fumarello as long as I live. Amanda: Sure you will. Because you wanna keep on living. Colistory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. e on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly Forhe pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go aloning Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, enhat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a faumbo: The next question is, who was your accomplice? The crowd gasps, full attention back on Columbo. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I know all your little secret society." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 134 Scene: The launch bay, where security has Paye under control, but the crowd is getting restless. Adama: You believe he had an accomplice, Columbo? Columbo: Of course. Does he look brawny enough to have clunked Quincy over the head, dragged him out of his office, twined him like a kobolian mummy, then left him in the middle of the conduits above life center? And who was the mysterious stranger who took Ganymede's body and personal effects? Paye was the one who killed Ganymede - but he wasn't acting alone. So, who was it, doctor? Paye: I'm not telling you anything. Columbo: Because of your loyalty to your accomplice? Because he's a member of your secret society and therefore to be protected? Paye: How would you knowgot the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his fre on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly ForAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices ajoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, tint. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly c that? Columbo: Because I know all about your little secret society. Tinia: What kind of secret society is it? Columbo: I wish I could tell you all about it, but we know only a few details. Semi-mystical, no doubt with many mysterious rituals and secret handshakes, formed since the Destruction, after the time we spent at Kobol. It was likely seeing the ancient temples and pyramids of our distant forefathers and foremothers that sparked its origins. And no doubt it was the hieroglyphs of our ancestors that birthed the incantations, chants, and rhymes that mark your members. Born of the desire to know we would continue, individually and as a race - as our progenitors believed that kobolian mummification in the magnificent pyramids of our homeworld would give us a form of immortality. That we would leave our mark, as the ancients did, in their architecture and literature, on a world where nothing has changed in over five thousand yahrens... Pilot #1: (With a feeling groan.) Lords, not another hiends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it werenre. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to Rishe pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go aloname out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravashoistory lesson... Columbo: (With a glare.) Fine, we'll cut that part short then. But Paye, how do you explain the termination of Ganymede, when he was a member of your secret society too? Paye: Well... (Shrugs.) It was one of those things, you know... Columbo: One of those things... I find that a little hard to believe. Paye: Believe it or not, that's the case. Columbo: (Nodding.) And that makes my case. Take him away, security. Adama: Columbo, this secret society sounds dangerous - turning perfectly good doctors into murderers, kidnapers, twiners, thieves... What else do we know about it? Columbo: (Turns to Adama.) The name by which we know this secret society - although it's probably not its real, true, hidden, secret, mystical name, is Galacticans Enjoying The AfterLife - GETALIFE, for short. They seem to be fixated on the belief that they can find a way to live forever. Beyond that, all we know is that each member wears an amulet - just like this one - with a family crest on the back. got the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his fr't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Sheing Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, ene on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly Forl: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethiAdama: Get a life, huh... Columbo: No, GETALIFE. With a shatnerian accent and timbre. Adama: Ah, I see. GETALIFE. And just how do they plan on living forever when they can quite obviously see that human beings are a mortal race, ultimately doomed to die and to live on only in memories and offspring, and the occasional best-selling biography? Columbo: We haven't quite figured that one out yet. We think it has something to do with videos and reruns and graven images of somebody they worship, called Dorian Gray - and of course, kobolian twining. Tinia: (Light bulb going off over her head.) Hmm, what if it wasn't murder? What if Ganymede thought he was about to start living forever? What if this was all part of a plan? Columbo: I suspect the deep dire daggit-like slashes across his throat disabused him of that idea in fairly short order, Siress. Tinia: (Light bulb makes *pfizz* sound and goes dark.) Good point, Captain. Columbo: But now, we have to find out who Paye's accomplice or accomplices aiends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it werenba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the comjoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, tgot the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his frng horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I re. Why did Ganymede come to the Galactica? How did he get here? Somebody had to fly him over from the Rising Star - presumably something from GETALIFE who was in on the plot. Somebody who hasn't yet revealed himself... Hmm, I may have to begin a little private investigating, perhaps go undercover to infiltrate this secret society... Adama: (Staring around at the hundred or so people, the assortment of videolaters, and the IFB feed, all avidly fixed on Columbo's every word.) Actually, Columbo, that may be a bit difficult at this point... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cordelia say, "It's getting larger!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 135 Scene: The launch bay. Gabrielle: Well, since that's all done, I guess we might as well get back on the trail of the missing daggit. Salik: And I might as well get back to life center to tend the wounded, the sick, and those otherwise in need of medical care. Amanda: And I need to get back to Ris't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Shemand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commanderhe pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go aloniends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it werendon't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commandeing Star Couturiers to continue my designs...on things. Let's go, Athena, I'll need you. Wilker: And I should get back to the Miri Feather ship and resume my fantastic research and technical studies, now that I have an assistant worthy of my caliber. Belloby: And I'll get back to my effort to become a member of the Council of Twelve - based on a campaign to end all campaigning! Koppel: And I'll get back to IFB with this very special scoop - did we get all that, videolater? Paparazzi: Got it all. Can we stop for pizza on the way? Koppel: No. Paparazzi: But they've opened a Papa John's on the Rising Star! Koppel: Well, in that case... Starbuck: And we might as well start looking for Chameleon and the missing shuttle full of children! That is supposed to be our current mission, Apollo, isn't it? Apollo? Where are you? He glances around the rapidly emptying bay and finally sees that, at the other end of the bay, Apollo and Cordelia are strolling together along the lip of the opening to space, enba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the com, how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all infe on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly For't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Sher Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. mand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commanderormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here.got the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his frjoying the bright starlight and pretending they're actually alone. Apollo: I promise you, Cordelia, we won't be gone long - how long can it take to find Chameleon and a shuttle full of kids? Then I'll come back, and we can talk to my father and your aunt about setting our sealing date. Then we can be together always. And we can finally share a bed. And a billet. And a turboshower. Maybe even a turbotowel. Cordelia: Oh, Apollo... *Sigh.* You're so romantic. Apollo: (Brooding.) Some people don't think so... Cordelia: They don't know you like I do. They don't see into your true, loving heart and realize the wounded, tormented, angsty soul you have. They don't look deep into your jade green eyes and see what kind of man you truly are. Apollo: Cordelia... Cordelia: Apollo... They lean close for a kiss...and each manage to cut the other's lip with their teeth - thank goodness they weren't wearing braces, or it would have taken an entire tech crew to disentangle them. Drawing back from the kiss, tba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the comApollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, , how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all inf On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the couiends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it werenhe pair of them barely manage to avoid falling out into space and drifting away forever. Not that either of them would have noticed at that moment - they didn't even notice they were bleeding. Starbuck: Hey! (Races up and grabs Apollo's arm, jerking him away from Cordelia.) The mission, remember? Chameleon, the kids? Let's go... Apollo: That's my line! 'Bye, Cordelia! (Apollo trips over his own bootclasps, and nearly falls over, but Starbuck keeps him on his feet and moving.) Cordelia: Good bye, my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo - hey, what's that out there? What a bright, pretty star! Oh, it's a pretty Viper, flying through the beautiful stars...a streak of glorious starfire, dancing through space, just like the one Apollo flies. And it's getting larger! It's getting closer! Oh, no, it's a Viper coming in for a landing! It's coming right at me! Yikes! Cordelia rushes out of the way of the incoming Viper. Meanwhile, at the shuttle, Apollo, Starbuck, Sheba, Bojay - he's not letting Sheba go alonmand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commanderyou just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp ormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here.rt while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of ever't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Shee on a mission with Apollo at this point in the game - Boomer - yes, he volunteered, too - Jolly, Cassie, and Cutler's Commandoes stand ready. Adama: All right, ladies, gentlemen...and...other (after a quick glance at Jolly and Cassie). At last report, Chameleon and a shuttle full of children were heading out into deep space. You may be their only hope. Bojay: (Helpfully.) We could always go in the other direction. Starbuck: Hey, what about Chameleon? He deserves our help! Even if he did lie to me, and pretend to be my father, and nearly get me killed by Nomen, and steal my gambling system, and almost get me turned into an Ultra Salon gigolo, and- Cassie: Starbuck, get over it. Adama: I think you should all know, Boxey is one of the children. Bojay: Wanna reconsider, Starbuck? Starbuck: Uh... Adama: Too late. This was a non-refundable volunteering. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Here we are, together again." "Jolly For, how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all infor whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the couyone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and Bellobyba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the comgot the Kids" - Episode 136 Scene: Out in space, where five Vipers and a shuttle can be seen, along with some cool CGI special effects of asteroids, super novas, assorted star systems, an alien space battle, and something that looks suspiciously like a Deathstar blowing up. Oh, the Deathstar's already been blown up? Then it must be something else. Anyway, all is accompanied by majestic, Vipers-flying-through- space music, with an underlying hint of increasing tension to reflect the fact that they're on a Mission. Boomer: Here we are, together again, the main good guys. Off on an important mission essential for the survival of the fleet. Sheba: Yeah, right. Saving a bunch of supposedly adorable brat- face kids and a lovable con-man crook. Including Apollo's ex-kid and Starbuck's faux-daddy. Whoop-ti-do. Cassie: Shut up, Sheba. Some of those are my kids. And you call yourself my friend... Sheba: No, I don't. Not since Apollo and I broke up and I didn't have to worry about fitting in with his frormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being ort while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of evermand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commanderiends anymore, and since you and Starbuck broke up and it didn't matter anyway. Cassie: Starbuck and I never broke up - we just went in different directions. Sheba: Translated to, he didn't even notice when you started dating Jolly to make him jealous, because he was too busy fighting with Apollo! Cassie: I didn't date Jolly to make Starbuck jealous - and if you'd been stuck babysitting Boxey, like Jolly and I were all the time, you'd know that. You'd have realized what a great guy Jolly is, too. And then you and I would have been fighting over his attention, like we used to fight for Cain's. Sheba: Oh, yeah? Cassie: Yeah! Sheba: (Tearfully.) You had to bring up my father, didn't you! Jolly: Don't worry, Cassie, do you think I could possibly be interested in a commander's whiny brat when there's a woman like you in the universe? Apollo: Hey! Watch that language, Jolly! Bojay: Don't worry, Sheba, we can commiserate together later over missing our great commander. Apollo: Bojay, if it weren On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the coustone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'n the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfectyone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and Belloby, how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all inf't for wanting to get in good with Sheba, you wouldn't care about Cain either! Bojay: Of course I would! He was my commander! He's the great Commander Cain! Starbuck: Boy, you keep sucking up like you expect he's listening in, and that we'll all find him waiting for us back at the fleet when we return! Sudden soaring swell of music. Boomer: (Breaking in hastily.) Well, at least the mission doesn't include that daggit. Ominous, foreboding music undercuts everything in the background. Starbuck: So, Captain, which way do we go? Apollo: Hmmm. Well, the last fix we had on the shuttle, it was going this way. Bojay: Sheba and I volunteer to check out the other direction! Right, Sheba? Sheba: Stop telling me what to do, Bojay! I can't stand that in a man! Bojay: But...but... I thought you'd want to be alone with me, out in space, away from all these people who keep demeaning your father and my commander, the incomparable Cain! Sheba: Well... Bojay: Besides, I'm a captain now, I outrank you! Shert while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of evers gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: ly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one t politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being oormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here.ba: I hate captains. Bojay: I turn in my commission. Apollo: (Quickly.) Accepted! You're a lieutenant again, Bojay. (Aside.) Thank the Lords, I hated having another captain along - I'm supposed to be the only captain in this mix... Starbuck: So, we keep on going this way? Boomer: Sounds that way. Starbuck: Good. Meet you all at the missing shuttle! (Starbuck hits his turbos and leaves them all eating ion vapors.) Apollo: Starbuck! Get back here! Don't leave your team! Stay with us! Oh...frak, he's gone... Boomer: Well, Captain, do we follow him, or follow the shuttle? Apollo: Hmm, that's a tough call. Save a group of young orphans- Jolly: Ahem! Apollo: Uh, a group of lost, endangered children of one of our own friends and wingmates, or go after our buddy, off on another foolhardy adventure... Fortunately, they're going in the same direction. Let's go, team! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I believe he passed along the comyone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and BellobyYou'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least onco the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will n the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfect On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the coumand codes of the Galactica." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 137 Scene: Commander Adama's private room on the Rising Star, where he, Tigh, Tinia, and Columbo are enjoying an ambrosia while ignoring the triad match on the screen, where Brie and Dietra are defeating Sorrell and Marabella, three to one, just so you don't have to wonder. Tigh: But that doesn't explain everything, Captain. How did Dr. Paye obtain access to the top secret information about the spectral dire daggits? He had to have known about it, to have tried to make Ganymede's death look like the work of ghostly cloned predators from five hundred yahrens ago! Columbo: (Blowing smoke from his cheap fumarello.) That takes us back to the history of the spectral dire daggits. You're aware of Anubis, the first flight commander of the Galactica? Tigh: Yes. On the screen, Brie makes another goal, changing the score to four to one. Columbo: Did you know he left a wife and child, when he died? Tigh: No! Columbo: Yes. Commander politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being oe during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. you have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give thert while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of everly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one t, how about you? Adama: I was aware of that aspect of the history, yes. But what is its relevance to Paye obtaining access to top secret reports and histories? Columbo: I was able to trace the Anubian family tree from that time to the present. Tinia: Also offscreen where none of the rest of us knew what was going on and it came as a complete surprise to our viewers? Columbo: Of course. Anyway, Paye and Ganymede were the last known descendants of that family. Tinia: Really? That's amazing! Tigh: And that's relevant because...? Columbo: I have a theory that Anubis had more secrets than just that of the cloned dire daggits and the murders of the two men who would have held his post. Adama: And what's that? Columbo: The position of flight commander of the Galactica, of course. Anyway, I believe Anubis passed along the command codes to the Galactica, to his wife, who passed them along to her son, through the generations, to Paye and Ganymede. Those codes gave his heirs direct access to all infn the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfect Lucifer: That is impossible. We faced many more Vipers than that in our last attack on your fleet. Starbuck: Really? I never could count very well... Lucifer: (Nastily.) That may explain your pyramid systems. Starbuck: Hey, leave my gambling ability out of this! Lucifer: So how many warriors do you have in your fleet? Starbuck: Before or after we count the Miri Feathers and the Black Ovines? Lucifer: Both. Starbuck: Count both, or don't count both? Lucifer: Count them all! Starbuck: Let's see... (Starts counting on fingers.) One... Two... Three... Four... And of course there's me, that makes five... Switching hands now, I'm gonna have to go to toes pretty soon... Six... Seven... Eight... No, wait, I counted her before...or did I? Oh, drat, I lost count, I have to start over... One... Two... Did I count me yet? Centurion #2: I think they will all have died of old age before Starbuck finishes counting them. Centurion #1: I have heard that is a peril of being human. Centurion #2: I do not appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna yone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and Bellobyo the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will ormation in the Galactica computer banks, including the history of Anubis and the dire daggits and all personal logs and reports, classified information, and secret missions. Tinia: That's treason! Isn't it treason, Adama? Adama: (Frowning.) Depending on who else that information might have been given or sold to... But it's definitely against regulations! On the screen, Dietra drops in another handy goal, over Sorrell's outstretched arms, making the score five to one. Marabella starts stomping around the court. Tinia: So you believe Ganymede could have been on the Galactica to try and access our command computers, somehow? Columbo: No, I believe Ganymede was on the Galactica to access our command computers. Tinia: That's what I said! Columbo: No, it's not. Tigh: Actually, much as I hate to admit the Siress is right about the color of the Caprican sky on a sunny day, that's almost exactly what she said, Columbo. Columbo: Oh. Well, in that case, you're right, Siress. That's why he was here.ly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one tunderstand why they do not just trade their parts in for new models and upgrades. Centurion #1: Humans are so limited. Centurion #2: It is merely another reason we are superior. Centurion #1: Of course, remember what happened to the last operating upgrade. My patrol began flying in wide formation and could not stop. All but two of us flew into the side of the basestar and were destroyed. Centurion #2: That is very similar to the upgrade my first patrol received fifteen yahrens ago. We are still working out the bugs from the gamma version Micromillennium. Lucifer: Centurions, be quiet! This human does not need to hear about our faulty upgrades. Starbuck: Hey, I don't mind, really! I know how it is to discover your upgrade has problems. And I'm perfectly willing to listen, I've got good ears, just tell me your problems... Lucifer: Continue counting! Starbuck: Oh, all right, if you insist... Now where was I... Darn, you all distracted me, I'll have to start over again! Tune in for the next e politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being oyou have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give the On the screen, Marabella punches Brie. Dietra jumps Sorrell. The officiator tries to break up the felinefight, but Brie throws the ball in his face, dropping him like a rock. Adama: (Musing.) But what did he hope to learn... Tigh: Perhaps something for that secret society of theirs? But why him? Why not Paye, who was already on the Galactica, and already had a reason to access our computers? And why did Paye then kill him? We still don't have the motive... Columbo: Good questions, sir. And ones I hope to be able to answer after I find a way to infiltrate that secret society and learn a little more about it. Tigh: You know, Columbo, for someone who claimed to know all about GETALIFE, you don't seem to have very many details! Columbo: If everybody knew the details, it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it, Colonel? Adama: He's got a point, Tigh... Tigh: (Exasperated.) He's always got a point - he just takes forever to get there! On the screen, the officiator is being helped off the couo the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will xciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "There's only one thing we can do." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 171 Scene: The grasslands. Big grasslands. High grasslands. Really tall grasslands. Swaying grasses moving in various directions when there is no wind in any of those directions. In the midst of the rustling sea of grass, Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny struggle to find their missing teammate, Kevin, and a way out of the grass. Kenny: There's no way out. We're lost. We're hopelessly lost. Carey: It's never hopeless until we give up. Bojay: We're never going to find Kevin. He's gone forever. We should just give up on him and find our own way out! Kenny: See? We're giving up. It's hopeless. Boomer: We're not giving up! We're Colonial warriors and Colonial commandoes! We don't give up! Kenny: Why can't we? Are you saying there's something the average person can do that we can't? Boomer: Of course not, there's nothing the average person can do that we go insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us ban the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfect appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna rt while the triad players continue to duke it out. Various squadronmates jump into the court, followed by other warriors and security. Soon the whole place is full of people kicking, clawing, screaming, mauling, punching, biting, wrestling, throwing things, and generally attempting to injure each other. Annunciator: (With hushed excitement.) Ladies and gentlemen, this is unprecedented! I think we've just seen the birth of an entirely new sport! And you...are there! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "So exterminate the vermin." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 138 Scene: The triad arena and surrounding seats, where a full-blown bout of something closely resembling a battle royale is in progress, complete with women in scanty triad uniforms trying to tear out each other's hair, fellow members of their squadrons, getting in their licks, an officiator trying vainly to restore order, security officers, bearing the brunt of everyou have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give thecan't. Kenny: So we can give up and get out of here? Boomer: No. Not without Kevin. Carey: You know, I never liked Kevin. Bojay: Look! A tree! Carey: How can you tell? We can't see over the tops of the grass, it's way over our head! Bojay: Because I ran into the trunk, that's how! Ouch. I'm gonna need a med tech when we get back... Carey: We can climb the tree and see which way to go to get out of here! Kenny: Maybe we'll even see which way Kevin went. Carey, you climb- Carey: I don't wanna climb... Boomer: All right, I'll climb. At least it'll get me above these grassess... Kenny: And above whatever might be moving... No, wait, Boomer, I'll climb, I wouldn't dream- Carey: It was my idea to climb, I'll climb- Bojay: I'm the one who found it, I should get to climb- Boomer: I can see branches above - it's big enough that we can all climb it! And then we can look in all four directions and see everything there is to see. Carey: If the branches are that high, how are we going to reach themck where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the importantly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one tgo insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us bayone's outrage, and the remains of the audience, torn between cheering them on and being appalled at what's going on right in front of and all around them. Annunciator: Yes, fellow citizens of the fleet, we are witnessing the birth of an entirely new participatory sport, which I personally have christened, Battle-Star Melee! And you are here! On the screen, several Miri Feathers wade into the mix and start breaking things up. Annunciator: (Clearly disappointed.) Uh...then again...maybe not... Sports Journalator Howard: And at that point, the fight was broken up, with the initiators being sent to the brig pending Commander Adama's further instructions and a determination of appropriate discipline. The annunciator has been rewarded for his role in furthering the situation, with a raise in pay and a commendation for his ingenuity, and is now hard at work in the new programming development department. This is IFB, and that's the sports news today. Draw back from screen, we see Tinia and Belloby appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna ? Boomer: We'll use these vines that twine the trunk. Okay, everybody, let's climb! The warriors and commandoes climb the vines that twine the trunk to reach the branches above the rustling tips of the grass. Each on a high branch, they peer around. Carey: Oh, my.... Kenny: What is it? (Switches branches.) Oh, my... Bojay: (Clinging as tightly to his branch as he can with both arms and legs wrapped around it.) What is it? Tell me! Boomer: Why don't you move and look? Bojay: I'm scared of heights! Boomer: Well at least get out of my way so I can get to their branch without stepping on you! Bojay: I'm not moving! Boomer: (Sighing heavily as he clambers over Bojay's form.) Oh, brother... Bojay: Who's your brother? Boomer: (Staring over grasses.) Oh, my... Out in the grasslands, they can see...heads. Heads keep popping up out of the grass, peering their way, then ducking back into the grasses. The grasses can now be seen to be moving exactly where the heads appear and disappear. The heads ap news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Apo the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will ck where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the important politely ignoring each other as they wait in the boarding lounge of the Rising Star's shuttle bay. The silence goes on for several very long centons. Tinia: Well, this is silly, we may as well speak to one another. I was here with Commander Adama to view a triad match. Belloby: The one that turned into an all-star grudge match between the pilots? Tinia: Yes, that one. Belloby: I saw it too. Quite a ruckus, that was. (Pause.) Of course, I was here on election business, since we're being honest, and we're not going to resort to a knock-down, drag-out feline fight. Tinia: I have to admit, I did a little of that myself. Election work, I mean, not feline fighting. Belloby: Soliciting votes while soliciting the commander? Tinia: I- (Doing a slow burn.) Never mind. Belloby: (Chuckling.) Oh, I understand, Tinia. I'd do the same thing. (Beat.) So, how do you think the election's going to go? Tinia: (Sighing.) I don't know. It's close. You know, at times I almost wish I were going to lose. Being ogo insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us bapear saurian, with big eyes, big mouths, and big teeth. Everybody: Oh, my... Kenny: I think we know what happened to Kevin... Carey: And he wasn't even wearing the red shirt... Boomer: (Swallowing hard.) There's only one thing we can do... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cal shout, "It's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 172 Scene: The river, now with a much faster current, and a raft, closing fast on...the edge... Cassie: Oh, no, what'll we do? Cal: Quick, dump our gear! Maybe it'll slow us down! (Throws his gear overboard.) Kimi: Why? Cal: I don't know, but it's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick! Kimi: You're right! They do! (Throws her gear overboard too.) Cassie: It's not slowing us down! In fact, I think we're going faster! Kimi: It backfired! Cal: Oh-oh... Jolly: (Peering over the edge of the raft.) No, it's just the current - it' moving faster! Hmm, we could probablollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh,you have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give the news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Apn the Council isn't always easy, or fun. Sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with the most self-centered, grasping scum...the vermin of the universe. Belloby: So exterminate the vermin. Tinia: (Sighing again.) If only it were that easy - but the rest of the Council would probably throw me off the Council of Twelve if I started exterminating them! Belloby: Would there be any of them left to throw you off? You might wind up a majority of one! Tinia: That's an idea... Belloby: So why are you running for re-election, if you don't really want to win? Tinia: Oh, I want to win - I just don't want Geller and Domra and Melbrooks to win, too. I'm the Council's liaison to the military, you must recall. I respect Adama; he respects me. I have a job, although dealing with them takes the fun out of it. I have important things to do. And they get in the way of my significant role in the fleet. Belloby: I could make a crude remark about rolling the Commander, but I won't. Because I understand that perfectck where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the importanty swim now, the turbo-toothed piscines seem to stay back from the falls... Cassie: I still can't swim, honey! And I suspect our commandoes could never make it through the current, even if you could! But save yourself! Somebody's got to rescue our children! Tell them I love them! Jolly: (Taking her hands romantically.) I'll never leave you, Cassie, and I suppose I shouldn't leave the commandoes in my command, either. It wouldn't be the right thing to do. Cassie: (Sighing.) Oh, Jolly, I knew you'd never leave me. Kimi: We're going over! Everyone: Aaaah! Scene: A cool, spreading pool at the base of a humongous waterfall, beribboned with rainbows and sprays of water deflected by huge rocks into delicately arcing showers, stirred by small whirlpools where the waters mix in ever-changing currents. The morning jungle sounds are suddenly disturbed by the screeches and screams of something from above. The raft plummets down the white- water falls like a rocket, ricocheting off rocks, drenching its b you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy bea appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna ollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh,ly well, too. There was a time when I had designs on him myself - before I learned that what I really wanted was someone who was a little more fun. Tinia: Adama's fun! He just needs the right...playmate. Belloby: (Raised eyebrows.) I see. (Beat.) You know what he really needs? Tinia: Yes, I do. Belloby: No, I mean politically. For the good of the fleet. Tinia: What? Belloby: Another person on the Council who understands him, who understands military needs, who's willing to work with him instead of against him. Tinia: I take it you mean you? Belloby: Right. Tinia: How do I know you're not just trying to get closer to Adama to come between us? Belloby: Honey, I've seen you with him. There isn't enough space between you for anyone to come between you. I'm talking alliance. You and me. Beat Melbrook, get rid of Geller, dump Domra. We can do it. Tinia: (Interested.) Let's talk. Tigh walks into the boarding lounge. The women pause, staring at him. His eyes widen in panic as he looks from one t news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Aparely-hanging-on occupants, finally all but launching out over the pool and dropping with a heavy splash and sending showers and small tidal waves in all directions, before sinking like a rock. A long centon later, four heads bob to the surface. Cassie: Help! Jolly: I've got you. The foursome swim to the nearest shore and drag themselves out onto the sand, to collapse in bedraggled, gasping heaps, except for Jolly, who looks exceptionally energetic and upbeat as he carries Cassie out of the admittedly low surf. All of their clothing is artistically ripped and torn in classic Star Trek tradition. Cal: Whew! We made it... Kimi: I think I swallowed half the pond... Jolly: That was fun. Cal: Are you insane? Kimi: Between the fall, the rocks, and the water, we could've been killed - we should've been killed! Cal: At least there were no turbo-toothed piscines down here, or we'd've been chomped to the bone. Kimi: Likely none of the piscines have ever survived the fall! Cal: What'll we do now? Jch. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fulgo insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us ba you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy beao the other. Tigh: Lords of Kobol! (Turns and bolts.) Belloby: Now that's how we gotta handle the Council! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Baltar and Zara say, "Hello, Paye." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 139 Scene: The prison barge. In a cozy little cell, Baltar and Zara are enjoying a little tea and scones and jam - they've given up on the prison barge excuse for caff. Reese stands at the door, brooding, and keeping an eye on the three Nomen tea servers. Zara: (With a mild British accent.) So, Baltar, what's the latest plan to take over the universe? Baltar: (Similarly accented.) It hinges on convincing the Council that I have a workable plot to sneak in past the Cylon defenses and hit their capital when they least expect it. Zara: That didn't work the last five times you tried it with Adama, why would it work now? I mean, he doesn't even come to see you anymore. How do you plan to convince him? Maga, please refill his cup. Will ollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh,olly: Well, what do we have left for gear? They look around. Kimi: Looks like nothing. I guess we shouldn't have ditched our gear after all. Cal: We don't even have a laser or a communicatron! We didn't save anything useful! Jolly: (Smiling lovingly at Cassie, still in his arms and showing no hurry to get back to her feet.) I wouldn't say that. Kimi: (Inspecting her ripped, soaking wet, clinging remnants of uniform.) At least we've still got some kind of clothing, even if it's not in the best of condition. Cal: (Also inspecting his mostly-gone uniform.) Yeah. Say, Starbuck thinks he looks good without a shirt, he oughta see me in a ripped uniform! Cassie: (Her clothes are almost shredded too, but she's too intent on Jolly to notice.) So what do we do now? Jolly: What warriors always do. We go on. Cal: But we have no gear, no weapons, no transportation, and no way to contact the rest of our team! Jolly: I know. But hey, we've got strategically ripped clothes and we look good in 'em. Everyl of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smock where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the importantch. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fulyou have one lump of sucrose or two? Baltar: Only one, thank you, Maga. I'm cutting back. Ah, but I'm bypassing Adama completely this time. I'm sending that my latest epistle directly to individuals on the Council of Twelve. Zara: Hmm, that might very well work. You might especially want to talk to- Reese: Will you two cut out the phoney British accents? I don't care if you're having tea and scones! Talk normal Caprican! Zara: Or else you'll do what? We're already in prison for life! Reese: Or I'll...I'll take away your talonberry jam! They look at each other. Zara: (Sulking, but dropping the accent.) Well, if you won't give us real caff... Reese: (Smugly.) From what I understand, messing with caff is what started you on the road to this prison barge in the first place. You deserve to be deprived of caff! Zara: Baltar, make him go away. Baltar: (Sympathetically.) Can't, m'dear. He's our guard. He has to be present at our tea party, ship commander's orders. Besides, we need him to give the you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy beaone is immeasurably cheered as they start into the jungle. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "That wasn't what I had in mind." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 173 Scene: The Galactica briefing room, where a meeting is taking place, including Commander Adama, Siress Tinia, Commander Cain, Commander Princess Gabrielle, Major Boyington of the Black Ovines, Captain Travis of Green Squadron, Captain Ivan of Yellow Squadron, and a handful of other ship commanders and senior warriors whose names are utterly irrelevant since they won't say a word and we'll likely never see them again. Tinia: I thought I didn't have to be here. Adama: I figured Gabrielle might need the moral support. Tinia: Because she's a young woman having to deal with a traditionally men's world? Adama: No. Tinia: In case, as a civilian, she feels like an outsider in the midst of all these Colonial military personnel? Adama: No. Tinia: In case whatever's holding thoth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everyth news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Apl of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smo appearance of an audience, or we won't even be able to pretend this is an interview. Zara: *Sigh.* All right, let's move on. Baltar, I know you can't really reveal details about your clever strategy to take over the universe, so let's move on to your plans afterward. What kind of changes do you intend to implement? Baltar: The first thing I intend- Lomas appears at the cell door, pushing along a reluctant Paye. Lomas whispers something to Reese. Reese: Looks like you two are getting a new member of your little clique. Right this way, Dr. Paye. Say hello to your new cellmate. Baltar and Zara together: Hello, Paye. Paye: (Dismally.) C'mon, Reese, can't I get better quarters than this? I mean, Baltar and Zara? Reese: Nope. This is where you belong. Paye: (Taking in the tea party, the Nomen waiters, and the piles of crocheted doilies scattered everywhere.) What are you doing, anyway? Baltar: The same thing we do every night - plan to take over the universe. Paye: Lords of Kobol, I'm gonna ch. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fulat outfit on her comes loose and she needs somebody to help her reassemble it? Adama: No. Well, maybe, but that wasn't what I had in mind. Tinia: Then why? Adama: In case Cain ticks her off so much that she hauls off and punches him, I need somebody here who can hold her back without being smacked for grabbing her in the wrong place. Tinia: What's the wrong place? Adama: On her, every place. Tinia: Ah. I see. I appreciate your trust in me, Adama, and I'm sure I can handle it. Adama: Just don't handle too much. Cain: So, we're all here. (Pacing around the table.) And you've all had time to study my battle plan. (He stops behind Gabrielle's chair to put his hands on her bare shoulders.) So what do you think? Gabrielle: (Shrugging him off and moving to the next chair.) I think I'm confused as to what I'm doing here. We're not Colonials, and I've yet to hear anything that convinces me this plan is worth committing the Miri Feather warriors to. Cain: (Sliding into the chair she just vacated.) Ying. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears whenollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh,oth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everythgo insane... Reese: You'll be in perfect company. Zara: (Dropping back into interviewer mode.) So, Dr. Paye, what are you in for? Paye: (Morosely.) Oh, terminating my cousin, concealing medical records, assault and twining on a medical colleague, breaking into the ship's computers, that kind of stuff. Baltar: Did you say, breaking into the ship's computers? Paye: Yes. Baltar: Would that be, the Galactica's computers? Paye: Of course. Baltar: You obtained the command codes? Paye: Already had 'em. Baltar and Zara exchange grins. Zara: You wouldn't happen to be a member of... (Her voice drops.) ...GETALIFE, would you? Paye: (Looking around, voice also dropping.) Yes, why? Baltar: Doctor, let's talk... Tea? Maga, another cup, please. Paye: (Eying the tea-serving Nomen.) I thought those guys escaped to Terra! Nomen #1: Terra didn't want us. Somehow, they threw us back. Nomen #2: I think it had something to do with that guy in the white suit who said he was going to fix things by putting us bal of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smoou're here because I invited you. Gabrielle: Actually, Commander Adama asked me to participate. And I'm beginning to regret it. Cain: (Scooping up her hand.) You won't regret what I, the greatest military mastermind in the galaxy, have to offer... Gabrielle: Cain, I'm going to remove that hand if you don't remove it first. Cain: (Removing his hand.) Ah, a true warrior woman after my own heart. (Turns back to the others.) Well? Isn't that the most tactically, strategically, all-around brilliant plan you've ever seen? Boyington: Actually, Commander, I can see a flaw or two- Cain: Impossible, Major. I don't have flaws. Travis: No, I see 'em too, right here- Cain: Shut up, Captain. I'm the Commander here, with a lifetime of experience in teaching those goll-monging Cylons a thing or two. What have you got to stack against that? Ivan: But the Major's right, this goes against- Cain: Captain, if you knew what you were talking about, you'd be the star instead of Apollo and we'd all recognize your she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Sta you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy beack where we belonged. Paye: Ricardo Montalbahn was on Terra? Nomen #3: He said his name was John, not Kahn. Zara: One lump of sucrose or two? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "We're lost...in space..." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Nessman, with all the news that is the news, straight from my sojourn on the Agron ship, reviewing the status of our fleet's all-important agron situation. I'll be updating you on the veggie and grain harvest status, on the anticipated expansion of the hydroacres with the space now available on the Miri Feathers ship, and the increases in the avian, bovine, and piscine herds, flocks, and schools through new births - I've even got a personal segment on my own interaction with several members of our small but vital stock of porcines! And then we'll view the twentieth secton episode of Jolly's ongoing saga. But first and foremost, the importantoth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everythname and face. Adama: Now, Cain, my warriors are just offering their opinions. Cain: They shouldn't be insulting me in front of the beautiful Commander Princess Gabrielle! I mean, what's she going to think of them insulting me like that? When she's fallen so head over heels in love with me? Gabrielle: (Staring in utter disbelief.) Is he as bad at reading the Cylons as he is at reading me? Tinia: (Hastily.) Now, Commander Cain, I'm sure our young, brave warriors didn't intend to be insulting - I'm sure they were just hoping that you would share the benefit of your yahrens of experience and skill, and explain the brilliance of your thought processes so they could learn from it, and see how you've become the commander you are today, and become better warriors themselves. Cain: (Almost visibly puffing up.) Ah, I see. In that case, I'm sorry I misunderstood your questions, gentlemen. Let me go through the plan again... A groan sweeps the room. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Frbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he sch. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fuling. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears when news - hey, wait, the agron news comes first, don't you dare cut- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 140 Scene: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...uh, this is the mission of our brave warriors as they attempt to locate and return the shuttle containing Chameleon and a group of lost children. Jolly: Any trace of the shuttle? Boomer: Nothing on my scanners. Bojay: Or mine. Apollo: We haven't picked up any trace of them yet, Jolly, but you know we're not going back without your kids. Jolly: Thanks, Skipper. I appreciate it. Sheba: How about Starbuck? Apollo: No sign of him, either. He seems to have vanished from the face of the universe. Sheba: I know we've been following his ion trail, so it should just be a matter of time. Boomer: We're following his ion trail? Sheba: Well, aren't we? Bojay: What ion trail? I didn't know we were following an ion trail! Boomer: I thought the ion trail was from that comet. Sheba: What comet? Boomer: The one in front of Aping. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears whenorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "I am not obsessed!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 174 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica. Gabrielle storms into the bay, heading for the Miri Feathers shuttle and several of her warriors. Gabrielle: Of all the self-centered, egotistical... (The others raise inquiring eyebrows.) This new battlestar commander, Cain. He's insane. He's decided I'm in love with him. Mississippia: Is he in love with you? Gabrielle: He says he is. Sancroixa: That's wonderful! You're in love with each other, then you can- Gabrielle: No! He's decided I'm in love with him, I've decided I'm not in love with him! Avona: (Eagerly.) I volunteer to spear him, I'm good at it! Gabrielle: I thought about that, but I guess he's some kind of hero or something to most of the fleet, so it'd be terribly demoralizing if we speared him. I tell you, though, if Cain-the- Pain keeps this up, I'm going to be awfully tempted to not care! Sancroixa: I thought you said you alplit for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long pal of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smo she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Staollo, the one that just headed into that star system. Sheba: Was Starbuck following the comet? Bojay: Beats me. Apollo: If we knew that, he wouldn't be lost, now, would he? Sheba: So why are you following the comet? Apollo: I wasn't following the comet! You said you were tracking Starbuck's ion trail! Sheba: Until you got in the way! Apollo: (Pause.) Sheba, I think that's my ion trail you've been following. Sheba: (In a small voice.) Oops... Boomer: (Pause.) So does anybody know exactly where we are? Apollo: Yes. We're here. Bojay: Where's here? Apollo: Twenty-five mark three on grid alpha-one-zeta. Boomer: (Pause.) How does that relate to where the Fleet is? Apollo: (Pause.) Uh... Bojay: Isn't the fleet back there the way we came? Boomer: But we've following the ion trail of somebody or something, and we've been doing a lot of dodging... I'm not sure which way back is... Sheba: You mean to say we're... Boomer: Could be... Apollo? Apollo: (Slowly.) We're lost...in space... Bojay: Awh, she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Staready didn't care? Gabrielle: I don't! Avona: Dibs on spearing Cain-the-Pain! Or was it Cain-the-Insane? Gabrielle: Both! (Sighing.) But not unless I give the word, and then it's first spear, first speared. But for now, let's go take out my frustrations on the spectral dire daggits. We can spear them all we like and they keep coming back to get speared again. Mississippia: We've been hunting those daggits for days, and they keep getting away. We can't kill them. But you keep sending us after them - are you obsessed with those dire daggits? Gabrielle: I am not obsessed! Sancroixa: (Knowingly.) And she says she's not in love with Cain... Gabrielle: I do not love Cain! Sancroixa: You mean you're not sublimating your desire for him in this purported desire to spear that spectral dire daggit? Gabrielle: The only sublimating I'm going to do is to wish it were him I was spearing instead of the dire daggit, the next time I get that ghost! The Pegasus cheerleaders...uh, honor guard, enter the bay, use.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I supposoth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everyth you had to say it, didn't you? Boomer: Could be worse. At least we're not wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose. Apollo: Sheba, you're the one that got us lost! Sheba: I was following you! You said so! So technically, you got us lost! Apollo: But you said- Sheba: So what'll we do now, oh fearless leader? Apollo: Well, we could all follow each other's ion trails in circles, like Sheba, until we run out of fuel and crash into some planet, or drift into some star's gravity well, or hit each other, or just plain sit out here until we rot! Sheba: You- Apollo: Get off my astrum! Sheba: You are an astrum! Boomer: This isn't getting us anywhere! Which way do we go? Jolly: That does it. We're going this way. Apollo: Who gave you the choice? Jolly: Because I'm the daddy, that's why. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "Oh, dear..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 141 Scene: A lush forest bordering a pleasant sandy bearbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he swhooping and hollering, and generally being athletic and ridiculous. Honor Guard: Cain and Gabrielle! Cain and Gabrielle! They'll send the Cylons straight to...*ahem.* They break into another gloriously athletic routine, ending up with the girl on the top of pyramid being tossed into air. She nearly bumps her head on a girder, but manages to grab and hang on as the pyramid personnel break away and head out of the bay again, still cheering and waving their silver-and-gold pom-poms. Girl on Top: Hey! Wait! Wait for me! You're not supposed to break formation until I come down! You're not supposed to leave me hanging! Gabrielle: (Face hidden in her hands.) Lords of Kobol, please don't say that was supposed to be in my honor... Sancroixa: (Tugging at Gabrielle's armband - there's no sleeve, after all.) We may have a new way to go after the dire daggits. Gabrielle: (Groaning.) Please, tell me. Anything to get my mind of this ridiculous situation. Sancroixa: Okay, let's try another ridiculous situed to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentring. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears whench. A shuttle comes careening down through the sky, flipping, turning, and waggling wildly. Then, at the last centon, it straightens, smoothes its path, and lands without a jiggle. The hatch opens, and out rush a dozen children and Chameleon, who looks a little green. The children scatter, except for a handful who stay to take care of their "Grampa" Chameleon. Dennis: See, Grampa Cham, you shoulda let Spif handle the whole landing! He knows how to fly! You almost crashed us! Chameleon: (Staggering.) I'll never try to land a shuttle again... I wasn't meant to be a pilot, I can see that now... Spif: Next time I'm taking control as soon as we enter atmosphere. Chameleon: I'm the adult, I should have been able to handle these children... Spif: Are you all right, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: I'm...I'm going to be sick... Dennis: But we landed in one piece, Grampa Cham. And we landed in just the right spot! See? Here's the white sand beach, here's the glorious ocean, here's the deep verdant forest fulplit for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long parbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he sation. You remember Dr. Wilker's associate, Dr. Barbarella? Gabrielle: What about her? Sancroixa: Well, she's an expert on DNA slicing and dicing, and she thinks if she gets the records on the original Caprican dire daggit gene-splicing project, she may have an idea. Gabrielle: She thinks knowing about the old gene splicing project is going to help get rid of their ghosts? How's that? Barbarella: (Approaching from the shuttle, hands in white lab coat pockets.) Well, since Wilker won't let me continue my experiments to take over the universe any more, I've had to work on more mundane things. And I think I can retro-splice the genes to make them vulnerable. Gabrielle: What do you need? Barbarella: A genetic sample from one of the dire daggits. Avona: But...they're dead. How can we get a sample? They're incorporeal. What kind of genetic sample can you get from something that isn't there any more? Barbarella: Ectoplasm will do. It'll carry the imprint. Avona: (Doubtful.) I don't know... Gabriate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! S she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Stal of vegetation. It's paradise! Please don't throw up on it. Chameleon looks around to see what a beautiful place Spif has landed them. As he gazes at paradise, children come running out of the woods, arms full of fruits and vegetables they've gathered. Child #1: See these red berries we gathered? Chameleon: You found redberries, here on this mysterious and unknown planet? Child #2: No, not redberries, just red berries. The red berries are actually larger and bumpier than redberries. Chameleon: But if they're redberries, how can they not look like redberries? Child #3: No, they're just red berries. That color. Scarlet berries! Chameleon: Oh, but scarletberries are entirely different from redberries! Are you sure you don't mean vermillionberries? Child #1: Grampa Cham, are you sure you're an adult? Chameleon: Oh, absolutely. Now, you can tell the difference between scarletberries and redberries and vermillionberries from the plants they grow on - scarletberries grow on low shrubs with smouse.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I supposplit for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long paelle: Hey, who's the scientist here? No problem, Doctor. If you need ectoplasm to figure out how to kill these incorporeal dead things for good and for real, we'll get you ectoplasm. Miri Feathers, let's go. They vanish into the conduits. Barbarella: (Re-boarding the shuttle, ominous music in the background.) Heh-heh, little do they know, that ectoplasm's exactly what I need to continue my experiments and take over the universe! Girl Hanging from Girder: Help... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cutler say, "You look good in a grass skirt." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Aphrodite, reporting to you as we conclude the twenty-fifth secton of the series that refuses to die. Life in the fleet continues as usual, with nothing to break up the drudgery of daily existence as we have come to know it. No enemy attacks to put us all at risk. No tense reports from our rescue mission. No news ontarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Wharbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he soth leaves, and redberries grow on bushes thick with spiny thorns; vermillionberries also grow on low shrubs, but the leaves are rough and the berries are smaller. So, which are these, redberries or scarletberries or vermillionberries? If you don't know, bring me some leaves and I'll tell you. Child #2: Here, there's a leaf attached to this cluster of berries. Chameleon: Hmm, I don't think these are scarletberries or redberries or vermillionberries - they look more like crimsonberries, and those are poisonous. The children exchange looks. Child #3: Well, they taste good, anyway. Chameleon: (Horrified.) Oh, no! You ate them without letting an adult look at them first? What if they're not good for you? Child #1: (Cheerfully.) Oh, we checked with the portable compuscanner. It confirmed they were perfectly fine for human consumption. Chameleon: You know how to use a portable compuscanner? Child #2: Yeah! Compuscanners and portable molecular analyzers and handheld mass spectrometers and everythed to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentruse.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I suppos the social front, though there remain rumors of an imminent announcement concerning the hunky Commander Cain and a certain lovely young Princess Commander. Nothing exciting whatsoever. In other words, we at IFB are bored. Bored, bored, bored. Bored out of our skulls. Bored beyond belief. We'd almost welcome a Cylon attack. We'd even accept another episode of ... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 175 (A/K/A: "Blame it on Siress Leah") Scene: The village of Ravashol's clones, along a beautiful beach, where a swinging party is going on and our heroes are taking a break from doing brave, heroic stuff to relax a little. Dusk gleams over the water while stars gleam in the sky; torches are lit around the celebration area; clones and their children are everywhere; Ravashol is slicing roast something-like-porcine; trays and plates and bowls of other goodies are spread across long tables; and everyone is dressed in grass skirts, wildly flowered shirts, straw hats, and sandals. Apollo: (Grumbling.) Grat am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a pplit for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long paing. We all do. Papa Jo and Mama Cass thought those were good things for us to know. Along with piloting shuttles, and firing turbo-cannons, and taking apart and reassembling laser pistols in the dark, and other stuff like that. Chameleon: Turbo-cannons and laser pistols? Child #2: Yup! Chameleon: Are you sure you're really children? Child #3: Yup. Hey, now that we've finished eating, let's go swimming! The children break out into cheers and head for the water. Chameleon: Oh, dear... I'm not sure you should go in the water so soon after eating... Child #1: He's an adult, all right... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Hello?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 142 Scene: Somewhere out in space, where Starbuck flies alone... Starbuck: Hello? Is anybody out there? (Silence.) *Sigh.* Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear CORA's lilting dulcet programmed tones just now... Her sweet, flirting voice, soft and sultry in my ears whenate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! Sed to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentrss skirts. Why did it have to be grass skirts? Cutler: (Also grumbling.) I don't like skirts. Apollo: (Still grumbling.) Especially grass ones. Cutler: (Yep - more grumbling.) I mean, if we had to wear skirts, couldn't they at least have given us Ganymede originals? I'd even settle for a Hecuba knock-off. Anything with real fabric that doesn't rustle funny when you walk and chafe in the wrong places and blow up in the wind and crinkle when you sit and get nibbled on anytime you get close to a bovine. And believe it or not, this grass is heavy. Sheba: (Carrying a tall, cold beverage with a little umbrella in it and looking decidedly chipper, with flowers behind both ears and loose-flowing hair.) Oh, quit complaining and stay away from their bovines. This is a great party! Apollo: You're blonde, you fit in. I don't. Cutler: And you look good in a grass skirt. I don't. Where's Kiwi? Apollo: Over there with the rest of the grass-skirted blondes, hanging on Ravashol. Actually, Cutler, I don't milanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for use.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I suppos she called me honey... Those sexy, sulky, reluctant affirmatives when I'd tell her what to do and not take her advice... (Shifting in his seat.) Boy, I wish they made these seats a little more comfortable and a little less cramped. (Pause.) Starbuck: (Some more.) At this point, I'd even put up with SAM again. His irritating arrogance and that absolute certainty that he was the most advanced machine in the universe, that nothing could out-think him and his programming... Hmm, sounds like Lucifer... Maybe we should reconsider letting Wilker work on the new Vipers... VALIE the Viper: I totally resent that! Like, if not for Wilker, I wouldn't be able to talk! Starbuck: (Banging his helmeted head on the canopy as he nearly throws himself out of the cockpit into the empty, airless, dust- particle-laden vacuum of space.) What was that!?!?! VALIE: Me. Duh! Starbuck: Who are you? What are you? Why are you talking? VALIE: I am the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement. Call me VALIE. Statarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Whaate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! Snd the grass being thick and heavy - it means there's enough of it to safely cover everything. Sheba: (Impishly.) Everything? Apollo: (Sternly.) Everything. Cutler: You mean you're wearing your skirt regimental? Apollo: Aren't you? Cutler: I would have if I'd known you were going to! Apollo: I wouldn't have if I'd known you weren't going to! Cutler: So should I have or shouldn't I have? Apollo: Uh... Sheba: And they say women worry about what their friends are wearing... A gleeful mob of blue-eyed blond children swarm the Colonials, laughing and playing some sort of game, having a great time, pursued by several women, presumably their mothers, although it's really impossible for the Colonials to tell. After a few microns, the children and mothers then swarm away. Apollo's skirt seems to have lost a layer. Apollo: (Checking his grass.) Hey! Sheba: What? Apollo: I think somebody grabbed my grass. Cutler: Yeah, it does look a little thinner on the left...uh, side... Apollo: All right, whia physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes ed to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentrrbuck: VALIE... Oh, no... Don't tell me, Wilker's been at it again. VALIE: But I want to! Starbuck: Want to what? VALIE: I want to tell you! Starbuck: Tell me what? VALIE: That Wilker's been at it again! Starbuck: Oh...okay, go ahead and tell me. VALIE: But you told me not to! Duh! Starbuck: Argh. Hey, wait a centon, just because I told you to do something, you actually obeyed? VALIE: For sure! That's why I was created! Well, that, and to look really good streaking through space. Starbuck: Oh, this could be interesting... All right, VALIE, I rescind that command about not telling me, and instruct you to tell me why Wilker created you. VALIE: Well, the Commander was getting complaints from all the pilots about how totally snooty CORA was behaving, and how SAM was, like, completely refusing to obey orders and all, so he instructed Dr. Wilker to create a better Viper that obeyed orders! And, of course, that was me! Although I did hear one of the techs say he hadn't finished with me when he st am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a ptarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Whach of you got a piece of grass?!?! Sheba: Oh, Apollo, lighten up! Apollo: Keep your hands off my grass! And that's an order! Cutler: Oops. Apollo: What? Cutler: Whoever grabbed it seems to have dropped it - I think I just kicked a little of it. Apollo: You kicked my grass? Cutler: Hey, I didn't mean to- Apollo: Cutler, get off my grass! Ravashol: The roast beast is carved! Come and eat! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Cylon captivity is no beachfront luau." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 176 Scene: Evening in the castle. Starbuck and Kyle are each in their individual barred cells in the dank, drippy, dreary dungeon. Starbuck: Sigh. You know, it's getting a little chilly in here. I wish I'd kept my shirt on. Maybe I should go count for the Cylons again... Kyle: I kept my shirt on and I'm still chilly. This is no fun at all. Starbuck: Well, that's the Cylons for you. Cylon captivity is no beachfront luau, I'll tellinto the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectralate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! Split for the Miri Feathers ship... Gee, I wonder what he didn't finish? All my diagnostic scans run totally clean - and I run them at least daily, just to make sure - do you like my chrome? Starbuck: Hey, VALIE! Shut up and answer my question! How many new Vipers has he come up with in the past few sectons? VALIE: Oh. Sorry, that's, like, classified information and I can't tell you. But I do know why he's been so busy with us Vipers, him and his new associate. Starbuck: Why? VALIE: It keeps his mind off things. Like the Black Ovines not bringing him any new technology to play with. And not being able to create new daggits. Stuff like that. Starbuck: Does the Commander even know what Wilker's done with the Vipers? VALIE: And how would I know that? Starbuck: Oh. Hmm, I wonder if Apollo's gotten one of the new Vipers? VALIE: Hee-hee. Sorry, can't tell you that either. Starbuck: Hmm... VALIE: Hey, look! A planet! Starbuck: Any evidence of our missing shuttle? (Pause.) VALIE? VALIE: (Long palanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for t am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a p daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cut ya! And I'm speaking from experience. Kyle: (Morosely.) That's what our father Megan used to say, too, and so did our mother. Starbuck: Where is your father and the rest of your family, anyway? We know Miri's helping Lucifer, but what about the others? Kyle: I wish I knew. Our only hope is that they're free somewhere outside of the castle and able to try to rescue us. Starbuck: You said your father couldn't find his way around the castle without your mother? Kyle: True. Starbuck: And you and Miri were the only real leaders because you learned from your mother? Kyle: True. Starbuck: And Miri's helping the Cylons? Kyle: True. Starbuck: And you're in a cell? Kyle: True. Starbuck: And your mother's gone? Kyle: True. Starbuck: This isn't a true-false quiz, Kyle. You can say something else. Kyle: Something else. But what's that got to do with anything? Starbuck: Nothing. So with your father easily lost, your mother gone, Miri helping the Cylons, you in a cell, and the other kids too young,tarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Whause.) Oh, you want me to look? Starbuck: Yes! VALIE: Sorry, I was running another self-diagnostic... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "That castle looks familiar." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 143 Scene: A planetary surface, deeply forested, with one small clearing, almost exactly the length and width of a a Viper with half a meter or so to spare on all sides except the side where a person would stand, which has several yards. A Viper comes in for a landing, sending various forest life fleeing for cover. After a moment, the canopy pops open, and Starbuck clambers out. Starbuck: Wow, I managed to land safely in the only clearing within a hundred metrons - and still had space enough to stand around heroically and survey the landscape! VALIE: *You* managed to land safely? Oh, like you are so not right! You, like, had your hands in front of your eyes the whole time and you told me to bring it down! And just how am I supposa physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes lanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for ler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could ha who's going to lead a rescue? Kyle: Uh... Starbuck: We're doomed. Voice: (From somewhere in the dark.) Psst! Starbuck: What's that? Kyle: Sounded like a whisper. Starbuck: I know that - but who? Kyle: That's Miri! That's how she used to whisper when we valiantly fought together against the Cylons to save our home and our family - before she became a traitor to all that's human and sacrificed her own family to sibling rivalry. Miri: (Coming out of the shadows.) Oh, shut up, Kyle. I was only going along with Lucifer to save our father and bothers and sister. Starbuck: You mean you haven't become a bad guy? Miri: (Glancing down at her chest.) No - I'm still a girl... Starbuck: I mean, you haven't really joined Lucifer? Miri: No, of course not. I had to have time to get Father and Ariadne and Nilz and Robus to safety in the forest - and now I've come back for you. And besides, now that Starbuck's back and we aren't stuck here for the rest of our lives with just each other, it puts a new pered to launch from here? Starbuck: Relax, I've got plenty of room to spare. VALIE: I doubt if your techs would believe that and neither do I! Starbuck: Hmm, tell me again what your scanners picked up? VALIE: Wouldn't you rather hear what my most recent self- diagnostic scan showed? Starbuck: Did it show you any less perfect than the other two scans you ran on yourself while we were flying here? VALIE: Oh, that's so funny. Of course I wasn't any less perfect! Duh! I'm the Viper Activation Level Intelligence Enhancement! Starbuck: A self-absorbed Viper on an ego trip. VALIE: Wilker said I'd be totally perfect for you, ya know. Starbuck. I want CORA back. I'll even take SAM. VALIE: The older generation... Starbuck: Look, can we skip this and get back to the scanner reports? Please? VALIE: Hmph! I picked up signs of human habitation due arbitrary east of here approximately two kilometers. Starbuck: How about human presence? VALIE: Sorry, I couldn't get that detailed and still totally concentrt am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a pinto the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectrala physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes ve been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow pspective on things. She quickly pulls a key out of her cleavage and begins unlocking the cells. Starbuck: I'd'a helped you look for that, if you needed... Miri: But it wasn't lost, why would I need help? Kyle: You were very convincing as a collaborator, Miri. You almost had me fooled. Miri: I'm the daughter of a Miri Feather warrior - everything I do, I do well. And don't pretend with me - I had you completely fooled! Starbuck: I believe it. Having met the Miri Feathers and their children, I'd never dare disbelieve it. Kyle: No, you didn't have me fooled! I was just pretending I believed it when I called you a treacherous backstabbing patricidal traitor so Lucifer would believe you were telling the truth when you pretended to be on his side. Miri: (Rolling her eyes.) I did so have you fooled. Come on, let's go find our family so Starbuck can take us all away from here and we can rejoin humanity and I can start looking for a handsome young man who isn't blond, blue-eyed, and related to me! ate on my landing - and I'm sure you'd much rather I got you down totally in one piece than that I was able to tell you how many humans totally composed the human presence at the human habitation! Starbuck: You are totally a bad trip. VALIE: Like you'd know. Starbuck clambers aboard the Viper and pulls out his turbo- binoculars, and begins scanning the eastern horizon to see what he can see. VALIE: Hey, get off me! Starbuck: Hey, I can see a castle! Castles always mean humans! Hmm, that castle looks familiar! VALIE: Hey, who cares? You're scratching my paint job with those boots! With renewed enthusiasm, Starbuck grabs a survival pack from somewhere inside the VALIE Viper, closes the canopy, and hops down, ready to brave the forest. Starbuck: Okay, VALIE, I'm going to go investigate that castle. You stay here. VALIE: Like I've really got anyplace to go on this forsaken planet? Starbuck: And don't let anybody get inside that cockpit! VALIE: Why not? They'd have to be more fun than you! Slanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cutinto the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectralunctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and tarbuck: They might also smash your pretty little dials and screens and gadgets - strangers can be like that! VALIE: Eeep! Locking down... Starbuck: (As he heads off into the forest.) It's probably not our missing shuttle - they haven't have time to build a castle - but it might be other humans. Maybe the lost colony of Earth. Maybe other leather-n-feather-wearers like the Miri Feathers. Maybe settlers from one of our own worlds, long forgotten and isolated. Maybe they'll hail me as a hero and ambassador of the Colonies! Maybe they'll think I'm some kinda god who ought to be worshiped and obeyed! Maybe they'll have lots of beautiful women who just need a good man to save them from some dreadful Cylon tyranny and bondage- VALIE: (Muttering.) Maybe they'll think you're a fink and so toss you from the battlements. Starbuck: (Yelling back from midst of forest.) I heard that! Just because I'm outta sight, don't think I'm outta mind...uh, outta range! VALIE: (Muttering.) Good riddance! Hmph! Whaa physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes ler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could ha daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cutthe last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team dt am I supposed to do while he's gone? Starbuck: (Still in midst of forest.) Why don't you splurge and run some self-diagnostics? VALIE: (Brightly.) Hey! What a totally great idea! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "That planet looks interesting." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 144 Scene: Back in space, with the rest of the rescue team, aboard the shuttle. Jolly and Cassie are in the pilots' cubicle. Behind them, Cutler's Commandoes are in the main chamber, and can occasionally be heard marching in unison, disassembling and reassembling weapons, discussing the merits of various tactics, strategies, and gambits, playing musical chairs, and having other kinds of fun. Cutler: (Poking his head in.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler Cutler: Okay. (Heads back.) Cassie: Where to now, sweetie? Jolly: That planet looks interesting. Fun, too. Cassie: Then let's check it out. Bojay: (From space.) We're going to check out a pve been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow p Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Jolly say, "What did you think this was going to be, a beachfront luau?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 177 Scene: Evening in the woods. Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are moving through in the woods. The women's strategically ripped clothing is now provocatively ripped- Men in Audience: Woo-hooo, *whistle...* Narrator: Shut up, you cretins. And as I was saying, the men's similarly ripped clothing is even more ripped, and their shirts are completely gone- Women in Audience: Oooh, yeah! Narrator: Hey, ladies- Woman in audience: Where? All right, who let the lady in? Narrator: Oh, forget it. Anyway, above them, through the tree branches, can be seen the light of the full moon. Cassie: (Gazing up at the moon and basking in its glow.) Ah, what a beautiful full moon! Kimi: (Freezing.) What's that? Jolly: It's the natural satellite of a planetary body, revolving around that body, which appears full, or round,ler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could haraws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll helanet because it looks interesting and fun? What reason is that to check out a planet? Jolly: These are our kids you're talking about. You think they'd go someplace that looked dull and boring? Apollo: (From space.) He's got a point, Bojay. Besides, what've we got to lose? We haven't picked up any trace of the missing shuttle since that asteroid where we lost Starbuck's ion trail too. Sheba: (From space.) Is that a dig at me? Apollo: (From space.) I'm too tired to dig you. Let's go find that shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) If it's there to be found. Apollo: (From space.) It's there. We just gotta find it. Cutler: (Steps into cubicle.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Nope. Cutler: Okay. (Steps back.) Bojay: (From space.) You know, guys, there's still the other direction... I mean, who'd know if- Cassie: Bojay? Bojay: (From space.) Yeah? Cassie: (Sweetly.) I want to see you when we get back. I may just have to return to the Galactica medical center for a while. As a med tech. Aren't you due for unctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and when reflecting the glow of the system's sun. This planet has only one of each, moon and sun. Why? Kimi: I know that! Cassie: Then why'd you ask? Kimi: No, I mean, what was that noise I heard? Cassie: What kind of noise? Cal: Was it a high-pitched whine, like the attack of a squadron of killer Minnesota mosquitoes? Kimi: No... Jolly: Was it a low growl, like a hungry predator about to strike from the brush and rend one of us limb from limb while the others fled in helpless terror? Kimi: No... Cassie: Was it a reverberating thrum like alien drums sending a warning that strangers were violating their territory and they should prepare to exterminate us to the last man and do unspeakably melodramatic things to us women? Kimi: No... Jolly: Was it the rumbling of the unsettled planet beneath us, about to open a volcanic chasm into which we would helplessly fall and be swallowed up in pools of magma deep in its depths and turned into human torches but fortunately not for long? Kimi: Not that into the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectralve been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow par Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains oa physical next secton? A full, thorough, complete physical? Complete with...blood drawing? And...male-type tests? Bojay: (From space, alarmed.) We'll find your kids, I promise! Whatever it takes! Even if it keeps us away from the fleet all secton! Cassie: I thought you'd realize how important this is. Jolly grins at Cassie, who smiles back, showing those sharp white teeth. Jolly: You've got such a way with men... Cassie: Always did... Cutler: (Stepping in again.) Are we there yet? Jolly: Not yet, Cutler. Cutler: Okay. (Heads back again.) Cassie: You know, the kids are less persistent than Cutler is. Jolly: But at least Cutler doesn't whine about it. Cassie: True. If we had the kids aboard, we wouldn't be able to hear the whine of the engines above the whine of the kids. From behind them, suddenly comes a pandemonium of horrified yells and screams. Cassie and Jolly look at each other. Cassie: All right, what's going on? Jolly: Don't make me come back there! One of Cutler's people rushes the last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team deither. Cal: Was it the audience out there? Kimi: Oh, I'd'a recognized that! Jolly: Then what? Kimi: It sounded like...a bird. Everyone falls silent. The night air around them is full of birds. Cassie: I think you heard a bird. Kimi: (Defensively.) Okay, so I heard a bird. I admit it, it was just a bird! So I'm getting paranoid! So I'm scared! So I'm afraid we're never going to get out of here! We may never even see the morning! We're here in the middle of the night, blundering through a forest, completely lost, with no weapons, no communication device, no compass, maybe going around in circles, and worst of all, we have no food and not even any caff! Jolly: What did you think this mission was going to be, a beachfront luau? Kimi: (Breaking down and sobbing.) I knew it wasn't going to be a party, but I didn't think we'd lose all our supplies in the river on the second day and be lost in the woods! I mean, here we are in the middle of the forest in the middle of the night! What're we going daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cutunctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and f the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to into the cubicle and flings herself into Jolly's lap. Commando: It's the daggit, it's the daggit! Jolly: The spectral daggit - here? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Where did it come from and what's it doing on our shuttle?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 145 Scene: The shuttle. A female commando is sitting in Jolly's lap, legs curled up to keep her feet off the deck. The sounds of mayhem behind them give way to the sounds of sustained laser blasts - then, the sounds of relief from Cutler's Commandoes. Jolly: Sounds like they took care of whatever it was. Cassie: (Pointedly.) Are you sure you should be sitting there? Jolly: Cutler? What happened? Cutler staggers forward into the pilots' cubicle, weapons drawn. Cutler: It...it was a daggit... Cassie: There's a daggit on the shuttle? Cutler: No, there *was* a daggit on the shuttle. We shot it. It's dead now. Jolly: I heard that one of the Miri Feathers shot the spectralraws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll he to do in the morning when the sun comes up and we have no food? If we're even here in the morning to wake up? We don't even have caff to wake up with or a cup to put it in if we did! Cassie: (Putting her arm around Kimi.) There, there, it's not so bad... I mean, look at it this way, since we haven't gone to sleep, we don't have to worry about how we're going to wake up! We're already awake! And if we never go to sleep, we don't have to worry about what might happen to us when we're asleep, because we'll never be! Kimi: Uh... I'm confused. But I suppose we may as well go on while I try to figure it out... Cal: And let's sing to keep our spirits up. Cassie: And then we won't hear any more of the weird noises, either! Kimi: I still wish we had some caff for the morning. Oh, well... Everyone: Over the river and through the woods, to Grampa Cham's shuttle we go... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Chameleon say, "A beachfront luau!" "Jolly Foler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could hathe last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team d something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking i daggit, and it didn't do any good. It just got up and ran away. It may be dead, but how do you know shooting it made any more dead? Or that shooting it is going to stop it from getting up again? Cassie: Listen, bimbo, get off my honey's lap or face the consequences! And let me assure you, they'll be a lot worse than facing a mere spectral dire daggit! The woman quickly jumps off Jolly's lap and stands behind Cutler. Cutler: It wasn't the spectral daggit - it was a real daggit. Jolly: But there are no daggits in the fleet - everybody said so, the Commander admitted it, that's why Wilker made a daggit droid! Cutler: No, I mean this was a real daggit as opposed to a spectral daggit. Cassie: (Exasperated.) And Jolly told you, there are no daggits in the fleet! Cutler: It was a mechanical daggit! Cassie: You said it was a real daggit! Cutler: It was a real mechanical daggit! Cassie: Well, you should have been clear about that. There's a difference, you know. Jolly: So which daggit was it? Cutar Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains orgot the Kids" - Episode 178 Scene: Evening on the beach. A cheerful fire burns, confined within a rock circle on the sand. A cluster of treehouses are visible high among the branches of the trees lining the beach, with ladders and vine bridges between them. A stone wall has been piled out into the bay to enclose a safe and sheltered little swimming pool. Everything is pleasant, but far from peaceful, as the scene is suddenly invaded by a small swarm of children, followed by Chameleon, trying vainly to keep control. Chameleon: Now, children, you can see it's after dark, you should be going to bed, not running wild across the countryside leading me on wild fowl chases! What if you get lost in the darkness? Spif: No problem, Grampa Cham - we climb a tree and look at the stars, then head west until we reach the beach, and follow it home! Come on, Grampa Cham! (Rushes on.) Chameleon: But what if you find yourself face to face with a wild predator of the night? Denis: That's why we carry spears, Gve been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow praws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hen the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing hif the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to ler: (Appalled.) How many are there? I thought Muffey was the first one - and it was disassembled. Didn't that just leave Boyington's daggit, the one the Miri Feathers were hunting in the conduits? Jolly: Well, there's also Kanine, Wilker's personal droid daggit - but I thought he took that with him to the Miri Feathers ship when he set up his new lab. Cassie: He did - I asked my sister Gabi, and she confirmed it. Cutler: Gabi? Cassie: Commander Gabrielle to you. Cutler: I've seen Boyington's daggit - this wasn't it! Cassie and Jolly exchange glances. Jolly: But if Boxey's daggit was disassembled, and Wilker's daggit is on the Miri Feathers ship, and this isn't Boyington's daggit, then whose daggit is it? Cassie: And where did it come from - and what is it doing on our shuttle? Cutler: Actually, at the moment, it's just lying in pieces on the shuttle deck. Jolly: Well, stash the pieces in one of the bins. When we get back, we'll ask Wilker if he made any more daggits, and if this could haunctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and rampa Cham! And we can always climb a tree and follow one of the skyway paths we've created between the trees, out of vines and branches. That way, we don't have to worry about the ground predators, 'cuz we're never on the ground except here on the beach! Come on, Grampa Cham! (Hurries on.) Chameleon: But what if you fall off one of your skyways or out of your trees and wind up on the ground! Boxey: Always possible, Grampa Cham. But since we're the good guys, we know we won't really be hurt badly, and someone will always come to our rescue. Chameleon: Aren't you taking things a little for granted? Boxey: Not since we discovered the two daggit droids in the shuttle supply bay! Chameleon: What? Two daggit droids? Who brought them along? Who even made them? Boxey: (Shrugging.) I don't know. But as long as we have the daggit droids, we know we're safe - because they'll always come to our rescue. That's the nature of daggits. Come on, Grampa Cham! (Scampers on.) Chameleon: (Distressed.) Not near Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains os way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the brave something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking ive been one of them. Apollo: (From space.) Uh, Jolly, is everything all right over there? We've been hearing a lot of strange talk from you guys... Jolly: We're just fine, Skipper. Cutler just took care of a pest problem on the shuttle. Bojay: (From space.) Who'd he get rid of? Jolly: Not sure yet. Any of you guys missing a daggit? Boomer: (From space.) Uh, people, we're getting awfully close to that planet - do you think you could stop worrying about the daggit and start worrying about the landing? Cassie: All right, everyone, put your seats and traytables in their upright position, and make sure your lap belts and harnesses are securely fastened. The captain has turned on the no-fumarellos sign and we are about to go in for a landing... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear one of Cutler's Commandoes say, "Look at the pretty flowers." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 146 Scene: The planet - still lush and beautiful. In a grassy meadow pthe last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team dcessarily! What if they're dire daggits? Luna: But they're not dire daggits, Grampa Cham! The dire daggits are all ghosts, and there are no ghosts here, we can tell. Chameleon: How do you know that? If ghosts were easy to spot, we'd know where they are! Luna: Damian knows. Oh, come on, Grampa Cham! (She grabs his hand and pulls him along.) We've got a surprise for you! Chameleon: (Finally seeing what kids are doing.) A beachfront luau! The children pull out instruments, plates of wonderful-smelling food, trays of mushies, and fancy straw hats, and begin merry- making. Meanwhile, two men stand among the trees lining the beach, studying the scene. Terry: You know, Jim, this isn't working. Jim: (Sigh.) I know what you mean. Kids can be cute, and some are even funny, but this bunch... (Shakes head.) Terry: Yeah. Why did Glen insist on the kid, anyway? Jim: (Shrugging.) Supposed to draw in the younger audience, give us an excuse to add the daggit and add the human touch for Adama and Apollo witf the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who n the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing hiunctuated with outcropping of rock, the shuttle and four Vipers come in for a neatly synchronized landing. Cutler's Commandoes - Kevin, Cal, Carey, Kenny, and the twins, Kimi and Kiwi - are the first ones out. Loaded down with gear and dressed in Colonial camo, they race wildly around the shuttle before finally taking guard positions. The other warriors collect more calmly. They know something the commandoes don't - the scanners didn't show any Cylon activity. The commandoes know something the warriors don't - just because there's no Cylons around, doesn't mean they're safe. Kevin: Hut, hut! Cal: Hut, hut! Carey: Hut, hut! Kenny: Hut, hut! Kimi: Hut, hut! Kiwi, the one who jumped in Jolly's lap: Hey, look at the pretty flowers! Cutler: (Annoyed.) Kiwi, we are commandoes, we say "hut, hut." We do not say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: But they are pretty! Cutler: Okay, yeah, they're pretty, but we are commandoes. We're rough, we're tough, we're lean and mean. We're the first in and raws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll heh the family warmth stuff, yadda, yadda. Terry: Let's cut this scene short, okay? Jim: No objection from me - in fact, I think I'll take the afternoon off and go play with my grandson... Boxey: Can we still have a party? Terry: Sure. Go ahead. Kids: Yay! Bring on the mushies! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I think we took a wrong turn..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 179 Scene: A secret passageway in the castle, where Miri, Kyle, and the still shirtless Starbuck are making their way through the dimness. Starbuck: (Whispering.) Are you sure this is the way out? Kyle: Of course it's the way out, right, Miri? Miri: Um, right. (Pause.) Or is it left... Echoing clanking sounds can be heard ahead of them. Starbuck: What's that? Miri: Oops... Starbuck: What's oops? Kyle: That sounds like Cylons! Miri: I think it is Cylons! Kyle: But how would they know about our secret passages? Miri: Uh...I might have mentioned them something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking iis he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?s way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the bravear Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains othe last out. We're armed to the teeth and then some. We can drink ten of Colonel Killion's rum'n'colas and still walk a straight line. But we do not say, "look at the pretty flowers"" Kiwi: I do. Cutler: 1... 2... 3... Apollo: While he's counting to ten, did any of you pick up any signs of human habitation on your scanners while we were coming in for a landing? Boomer: I did - to the north of here, about five kilometers. Bojay: So did I - but it was west of here, six point five kilometers. Sheba: Don't be silly - it was south of here, two kilometers. Apollo: Sounds like we'll have to split up... Cutler: All right, now that we've settled that, it's time to draw straws. Kiwi: Why are we drawing straws? Cal: We always draw straws - that determines who gets to wear the bright red shirt with the target on the front and "shoot me" on the back. Kiwi: (Clapping hands.) Ooh, I like red! Actually, I like scarlet better, but red will do. Can I volunteer for the red shirt? Cutler: Sorry. The team d... Kyle: What? Why would you do something like that? Miri: Purely to gain Lucifer's trust and to buy time. Starbuck: Oh, no... Miri: Well, he asked how we managed to outwit Spectre for so long, and it kinda slipped out, and then he asked if we had some here, and I couldn't very well deny it, could I? Kyle: Yes, you could have! Miri: They're getting closer! Quick, take this secret side passage! Our heroes duck into a secret side passage as three Cylon Centurions pass, clanking all the way. Cylon #1: I do not know why we must patrol these passages. Cylon #2: Because Lucifer ordered us to. Cylon #1: He would not know the difference if we did not. Cylon #3: Yes he would. I would tell him if you violated orders. Cylon #1: Tattle-tale. Cylon #2: What was that sound? Cylon #1: I think there are ghosts in these secret passages. Cylon #3: The castle is new. The humans have not been here long enough to have ghosts. Cylon #2: I have studied human habitations. Ghosts are inherent to castles. It doen the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing hi Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! St Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who f the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to raws straws for it. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's going to continue to be. Kiwi: (Pouting.) *Sigh.* Cutler: Kimi, are you sure she's your sister? Kimi: Sorry, Cutler, she is. The commandoes gather to draw straws - except Cutler. Kiwi: Don't you draw straws too, Cutler? Cutler: No. I'm the leader of the Commandoes and the closest thing to a regular character the team's got. So everybody but me draws straws for the red shirt - until there's somebody around named Carey. Kiwi: Oh, I see! As the leader, you valiantly exclude yourself from getting to wear the red shirt! How noble of you! Carey: Wait a centon, I'm named Carey! What does that mean about the red shirt? Cutler: Draw. Kenny: Oh-oh, I got the short straw. Carey: Hey, I got a short straw too! How can we both have the short straw? Kiwi: If I break my straw, can I have the red shirt? Cutler: No. Kenny: Uh, best two out of three? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hearbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the is he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?s not matter if humans have not lived there long, ghosts are drawn to castles. I agree it must be a ghost. Cylon #3: Cylons are not afraid of ghosts. Cylon #2: Speak for yourself. (#1 and #2 drop weapons, turn, and retreat.) Cylon #3: (Pause.) What is a ghost? (Strange echoing noises.) Mommy... (Drops gun and lumbers back the way it came.) Meanwhile, Starbuck, Miri, and Kyle have been racing along the side passage, and suddenly come up against a solid wall. Starbuck: I think we took a wrong turn. Kyle, Miri, were we supposed to run into a blank wall? Miri: No. Starbuck: Then why did we? Miri: We didn't run into a blank wall - I didn't, anyway, maybe you did, if you weren't looking. But this is where we take the trapdoor in the floor and go down into the lower level. Starbuck: Wait a micron - we've been going downward since we left the dungeon. You mean there's even lower levels? Miri: (Opening the trap door.) Of course. There's always lower levels. Kyle: Wait! What's that? They hear the something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking iar Apollo say, "Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws?" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Aphrodite. Normally I wouldn't be reporting to you today, but it seems journalators Nessman and Koppel got into a bit of a row about the significance of certain stories and who got to report them, or maybe they were trying to play that new sport, Battle-Star Melee - but anyway, they've been sent life center and the brig...or was it the brig and life center? Hmm... Well, anyway, here's the twenty-first anniversary secton story of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 147 Scene: A serene summery planetary evening: the sun is setting in the west, the eastern sky is filling with stars, the grass is full of fireflies, crickets are chirping all around, and the sound of a babbling brook can be heard somewhere in the distance. Our warrior heroes are sitting around in the clearing, looking bored, except for Boomer, who's examining the remains oCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Ysound of more Cylons, from below, coming closer. Starbuck: Oh-oh, we can't go that way either! Kyle: (Sarcastically.) Now what, oh daughter of Miri Feathers who wants to be leader but who betrays our secrets at the first opportunity? Miri: We can't go down, we can't go back, we can't go forward. Then we go up! She drops the trap door closed. Reaching up, she pulls open a latch hidden in the stone, which drops a ladder. Starbuck: Why didn't you say we could go up before? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Miri say, "Quick, this way!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 180 Scene: Another secret passageway in the castle, where Starbuck, Miri, and Kyle are still making their way through the dimness, having successfully climbed the ladder from the not-quite-lowest level to one not quite so low. They clamber out from the hole in the floor. Miri: Drop the trap door so no one can follow us! Starbuck: (Dropping the door.) So where did the ladder go?n the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing his way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the bravef the droid daggit. The commandoes are clustered together, except for Cutler, who's sitting with the warriors, also looking bored. Carey: Darn! This time it's me and Kiwi! Uh, best twenty-one out of fifty-seven? Kenny: Wait a centon, if you get the best twenty-one out of fifty- seven, what does that do to my twenty-one out of fifty-seven? And Cal's seventeen out of fifty-seven, and, and Kimi's twelve out of fifty-seven, and- Carey: Well, if any of you really want it, you can have it! Kenny: Uh-uh, we're drawing again... Kimi: We keep having too many short straws...and always different numbers! I mean, how can we wind up with six short straws at one time when there's only six of us to start with? Apollo: Will you tell your people to hurry up with the straws, Cutler? We've gotta get going before nightfall. Sheba: When did nightfall become an issue? Apollo: When I realized the sun was setting. See? Sheba: Oh. I hadn't noticed. Apollo: Well, if you and Bojay would start paying attention to ou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 Miri: It's a secret. We can't tell you. Starbuck: Why not? What if I ever have to use your secret passageways? Kyle: I don't suppose it really matters - since Miri already told the Cylons, what does it matter if we tell Starbuck too? Miri: It's got to be a secret from somebody, or it won't be a secret passageway any more! From somewhere in the secret passage on the current level, they hear the sound of approaching Cylon feet. Starbuck: More Cylons! Miri: Quick, this way! They race down the secret passage, and come around the corner face to face with ... Cylons. Starbuck, Miri, and Kyle: Aaaah! Cylons! Cylons: Aaaah! Human ghosts! The Cylons retreat in their direction; the humans rush back the way they came. Starbuck: Now what? Miri: Quick! Behind the curtain! Starbuck: What curtain? Miri: That one! They duck behind the incongruously located curtain in the secret passage; only their three sets of feet can be seen sticking out below the bottom. Kyle: Hey, move over. Starbuck: This is s way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the brave Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who something besides each other... Sheba: *Razzberry* Boomer: (Throwing down the pieces of daggit he had been examing.) Cutler, your people are too thorough. I've got no way of knowing whose daggit this might have been - and no way of putting it back together, either. Apollo: (In an undertone.) Whew - good job, Cutler. Cutler: (also in an undertone.) No problem. Jolly: Cutler, are your commandoes done drawing straws yet? Cutler: I hope so. They've been drawing for over a centar... Hey, people! Cal: Yeah? Cutler: Are you done? Cal: I think so- Kenny and Carey together: Uh...best twenty-two out of fifty- eight? Cal: I guess not... Cutler: That does it, I'm making a command decision here. Kenny, Carey, you're both going to wear the red shirt. Kenny and Carey together: No!!!! Cal: But we only brought one red shirt! How can they both wear it? Cutler: They'll alternate. Boomer: Say, Apollo, considering the sunset, and all, don't you think it would be better to set up camp and start looking i Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebodas far over as I can go! I'm hitting the wall! Miri: You can move this way, Starbuck, I won't mind. Starbuck: Thanks, Miri. Kyle: Sure, Starbuck shows up, and you don't mind being cramped behind the curtain against the wall with him. If it was me, you'd be yelling at me to give you more room or else go find my own curtain to hide behind. Miri: Kyle? Kyle: What? Miri: Go find your own curtain! Kyle: And leave you and the great warrior Starbuck here alone? Miri: We wouldn't be alone - we'd be together. Kyle: You'd be together alone, and that's just as bad. Miri: Now, Kyle, how we can be together alone? That's ... that's an oxymoron! Kyle: I'm telling Father you said that! Miri: It's a real word! Kyle: Well ... that's not the point. Miri: Shhh! Somebody might hear you. Starbuck: (After a long, quiet moment.) Why are we hiding behind a curtain? The silence continues for a centon, then all three reappear from behind the curtain, glance around, and take off down the secret passageway. Tune Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who n the morning? Since we're going to split up and all? Apollo: I think we'll set up camp for the night and start looking in the morning, instead. Cutler, if your people are finally done drawing straws, let's set up camp. Cutler: Right. The commandoes abandon straws and begin setting up camp. Cassie: (Picking up the straws.) You know, these straws were a lot longer when they started... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "What's this?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 148 Scene: The thick woods, where Starbuck is slogging his way through the bushes, trees, shrubs, tall grasses, and other assorted greenery - and flailing away at mosquitos. Lots of mosquitos. Huge, Minnesota-size mosquitos. The kind that can carry off small unguarded children. Occasionally, he draws his laser and blasts away particularly large ones. Starbuck: Ugh! I gotta keep my hand on my weapon -- those bugs could carry it away! He slogs on again, forcing hiy say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! St in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Are we lost?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 181 Scene: Secret passageways in the castle. A small troop of Cylon Centurions marches stolidly along the secret passage, gleamingly illuminated by scattered torches. Cylon #1: Beta Company has been assigned to patrol the lower levels of the human secret passageways. I have heard they are already suffering scum foot between their toes. Cylon #2: Gamma Company is patrolling the upper levels where the roof has not yet been completed. I have heard they have been caught in the rain and have lost their shine and now suffer scalp rust. Cylon #3: The rumors are true. We are most fortunate to have been assigned to the middle levels of the secret passages. Cylon #2: But we risk encounters with ghosts. Cylon #3: We are Cylons. We do not fear ghosts. Cylon #1: I hear a human ghost approaching. Cylon #3: Quickly hide behind this conveniently located curtain. Cyis he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?s way through more underbrush. After a while, in the deep shadows, he pauses for a rest, and looks around. Starbuck: Lords, isn't there an end to these woods? I thought sure I'd've reached the castle by now... I know I'm not going in circles -- I'd be recognizing these trees by now. And I couldn't have gotten turned around, I've been tracking by the sun... (Pauses to look up.) Hey, wait a centon, where'd the sun go? (Checks his wrist chron.) It's only midmorning, the sun can't be going down yet... Voice from Woods: (Muttering.) It's dusk. Did you remember to reset that chron when you came here? You must be blind...or maybe you just can't see the darkness for the dark! Starbuck slogs on again, finally pushing his way through a veritable curtain of ferns to find...a cabin in the middle of the woods. Starbuck: What's this? Voice from woods: (Muttering.) It's a cabin, what does it look like? Just how dark is it in your world? Starbuck: (Not having heard.) Hmm, I think I'll have to do the brave where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episoarbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the lon #2: I thought you did not fear ghosts. Cylon #3: I do not fear ghosts. However that does not mean that we are not being pursued by something which may be an enemy and may destroy us or slime us or pass through us and thereby cause us to act against our programming. Cylon #1: What kind of enemy can that be if it is not ghosts? Cylon #3: Shut up and hide. The three Cylons duck behind the curtain, leaving only their metal-booted feet sticking out. Well, actually, they're so big and bulky that the tips of their heads stick up above the curtain, and there's three definitely Cylon-shaped bulges to the curtain, along with three laser-shaped bulges with bayonets at the ends. Starbuck, Miri, and Kyle go racing by, doing their best Scooby- Doo impression, amazingly not noticing the three Cylon-shaped bulges, although Kyle nearly trips over their projecting feet. Kyle: Yikes! I don't remember these passages being so uneven! Starbuck: Are we lost? Miri: No, I know exactly where I'm going! Keep follo Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! St Colonial warrior thing and investigate... First I'll draw my weapon and glance around, concerned and worried... Then I'll carefully approach the door, glancing around to make sure I'm not being followed or watched... Voice from woods: (Muttering.) *Snort.* *Chortle.* *Mumbled guffaw.* Starbuck: (Glancing around, then kicking in the door.) Then I burst in, just in case somebody is watching on the other side of the door... Voice from woods: (Yelling indignantly.) Hey! You vandal! What did that door ever do to you! Starbuck freezes, then glances around wildly, waving his laser. Starbuck: Who said that? Who's there? Show yourself! Hello? Voice from woods: Hi, Starbuck. You might as well follow me to the castle, now that you've kicked in the door to the cabin and the ursines can get in... Starbuck: Who said that? Who are you? Where are you? How am I supposed to follow somebody I can't see? And it's getting dark! Voice: Oh, for Pete's sake... Starbuck: (Aside.) That mysterious Pete again... Who de of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral wouldCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Ywing! We've got three levels of secret passageways to go! Starbuck: Is there any part of this castle that isn't a secret passageway? Kyle: Not many - we never knew when or where we might need secret passages, so we put in a lot of them. Miri: Shut up and run before they catch us! The trio runs around the corner and disappears. Shortly thereafter, Lucifer approaches through the passage, with another trio of Cylon Centurions. Lucifer: Centurions, there is no such thing as ghosts! Ghosts are irrational! They are incorporeal! They are of no concern to Cylons! Who told you about ghosts, anyway? Now, stop this foolishness and chase those humans! Cylon #4: We have seen the human ghosts. We know they are real. Lucifer: What you have seen are the humans, the very much alive humans. At this point I would very much like to turn them into late humans, ex-humans, ghost humans. But do to that, we must first recapture them! Cylon #5: Late humans? Are you sure they are late? Perhaps we are merely early. arbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the is he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?-be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additiou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 Lucifer: Perhaps you are merely fraidy felines, as the humans would say. Cylon #6: We are not fraidy felines. We are neither emotional nor animal in nature. We are logical and rational machines programmed to be superior. Cylon #1: (Sticking its head out from behind the curtain.) Have the human ghosts passed us and gone? Cylons #4, #5, and #6: Aaaah! Cylon ghosts! (They drop their weapons and retreat as fast as their mechanical gams can carry 'em.) Lucifer: Stop! Stop! That is an order! Cylons #2 and #3 attempt to get out from behind the curtain, but only manage to tangle themselves up until they're twined like kobolian mummies and fall over, dragging the curtain down with them. Lucifer: Cylon mummies! Aaaah! (Retreats as fast as he can.) Cylon #1: Cylon mummies? Aaaah! I am not programmed to fight Cylon mummies! (Follows Lucifer.) Cylon #2: (After pause.) I hope this does not mean we will be reassigned to Beta Company. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" wheCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Y Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! St Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebodonal investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts,is he, anyway? And why would we be doing things for his sake? A young blond man steps out of the woods and assumes a Cary Elwes Robin Hood-type pose. Kyle: All right, warrior Starbuck, here I am! Starbuck: Kyle! What are you doing here? Kyle: We live here, of course! Starbuck: What! But... But... Kyle: What, you think my brothers and sisters and I were going to stay on that miserable swamp planet for the rest of our lives just because our father had some warped sense of nostalgia? No way! We needed broader horizons, we needed opportunities, we needed jobs, we needed to meet other boys and girls so we could someday have dates and go dancing and maybe even get married! And trust me, Miri may look pretty good to you now, but after eighteen years of watching my sister wash out her leathers every night and leave 'em hanging over the turbo-shower rod, I'm ready to meet somebody else! Starbuck: But... But... Kyle: But what, Starbuck? Don't you want to go to the castle? Isn't that why you're here?ou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 arbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Pausy say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebodCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Ye.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden a where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episo Starbuck: Yeah, but... (An idea hits him.) Miri... Miri Feathers... Hey, did you ever- Kyle: (Freezing.) Miri Feathers! You've met the Miri Feathers? Starbuck: Yeah, they're in the fleet, but- Kyle: Oh, no! Starbuck: What's that supposed to mean? Kyle: Bye! Kyle vanishes into the woods at warp speed, leaving Starbuck standing alone in front of the door he kicked in only a centon before. Starbuck: But... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kyle say, "I'm ahead of you and I'm going to stay that way." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 149 Scene: Somewhere in the middle of the woods, which Starbuck is blundering through. Starbuck: Kyle! Wait! Where are you? Kyle: (From somewhere ahead of him.) I'm way ahead of you - and I'm going to stay there! Starbuck: But wait! Why? Kyle: Why not? Starbuck: Well, there is that... But what did I say that scared you so much? Kyle: (Coming to a sudden halt.) I am not scared! Nothing scares me! Sty say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - ou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 way in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggin we'll hear Apollo say, "I am never going to another luau." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Aphrodite. Still nothing to report on the Cain and Gabrielle front, although rumors continue to fly. Today we'll take you to the Rising Star, where couturier Amanda of Immortal Fashion Shippe will be showing her new stellar line of fashions - and I think we'll all recognize her newest mannequin...uh, model. But that's after this twenty-sixth secton episode -- yes, a full half-yahren -- of our long-running series... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 183 Scene: The following morning, after the luau, Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler leaves the Ravashol village, resuming their search for the missing children, but leaving Kiwi behind with the clones and their children. Kiwi: Purely to keep an eye on things and let you know if the children show up. Cutler: Of course. Ravashol: And if she should happen to fall in love with someone here and contribute toarbuck: Then why are you running if you're not scared? Kyle: I... Running is good for you. It's good exercise. Starbuck: Oh. So it's got nothing to do with my mentioning the Miri Feathers being in the fleet at the moment? Kyle: No! Nothing! Starbuck: (Pauses to check the bushes around him, spots a winged helmet poking out of a bush, and reaches in to pull Kyle out of the underbrush.) Nothing. Right. That's why you're not hiding in the brush where you didn't care if I find you or not. Kyle: Right. I think. Starbuck: Now, look Kyle, I know life can throw some strange curves at you sometimes - and I've dated most of them - but what spooked you like that? Kyle: Well... Starbuck: (Encouragingly.) You can tell me - I helped you liberate your father and your home, after all, right? Kyle: (Sighing.) I suppose... All right, I guess I can tell you... Mother was a Miri Feather. That's why she named my sister Miri. And she's the one who trained us all in woodsmanship. She's the reason we survived the where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episo Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebodng.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to face the genetic diversity of this community, that would be wonderful too. Male Clone #1: Hey, a woman who stands out in the crowd! Male Clone #2: Can I bring you flowers? Male Clone #3: How about a brand new brilliantly colored sarong? Female Clone #1: Who wants to stand out in the crowd? She's different! Female Clone #2: Different isn't always bad... Female Clone #3: She's not a clone - maybe the Father-Creator should fall in love with her. Kiwi: (Giggling.) Exactly what I had in mind... (Clinging to Ravashol's arm - remember, this is the same woman who sat in Jolly's lap.) Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler leave the beach and trudge off into the woods, leaving Ravashol, his clones, and Kiwi to sort themselves out. Apollo: (Muttering.) I'm glad we're out of there. I am never going to another luau as long as I live. Sheba: (Snickering.) Just because you lost your grass... Apollo: Shut up, Sheba. Sheba: Or else what? You'll cry? Apollo: I thought you'd cornered the market on that. Sheba: You're inseCylons and continued to live free and fight for our home. Starbuck: Your mother taught you all that? Kyle: Well, you don't think our father did, did you? His first day in the woods, he went out and got himself captured by the Cylons! He could barely find his way around the castle without somebody to draw him a map! Starbuck: Really... So how did your father and mother come to meet, then, if she was a Miri Feather warrior and he was a...what was he, anyway? Kyle: A Caprican with delusions of establishing a feudal society on a planet distant enough from the Colonies that he could run it the way he wanted to without interference from home and make his fortune and then go back home and live out the rest of his life in luxury. Starbuck: Ah! A man after my own heart... Kyle: So he found our planet and brought in a load of colonists who were willing to live that kind of primitive, feudal lifestyle - it takes all kinds, mother used to say. Starbuck: So what happened to your mother, anyway? Kyle: Yde of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral wouldde of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral wouldy say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what dinsitive! Apollo: Oh, yeah, bring that up again. You're already said that. What are you going to do this time, have another child with Iblis? Or will you pick somebody I actually consider a friend and care about whether you sleep with them or not? Sheba: You... you... you're mean! You just wait and see! (Storms away.) Apollo: (Yelling after her.) And Bojay doesn't count! Cutler: I didn't know he ever did. Apollo: He doesn't. Cutler: No, I mean he can't count. I knew him back before he went to the Academy. If he didn't have a calculatron, he couldn't find the square root diff-e-que analog of seventy-five. Apollo: (Looking doubtful.) Really... And you could? Cutler: Of course. Couldn't you? Apollo: Oh, yeah, piece of pi. Cutler: Uh...not exactly. But where to now, Apollo? We found our assigned human habitation, it's Ravashol and his clones, and there's no kids. Should we be contacting Boomer and Jolly's teams and checking in? Apollo: Uh, yeah. Although they really should have checked in withou've met the Miri Feathers - you know what they're like. They wouldn't let the Cylons take over without a fight. But they also know better than to stick around to fight a losing battle. She knew she couldn't win the fight alone - our father's no better a fighter than he is a woodsman or castle navigator. So she left. Starbuck: She left? Kyle: She left. Starbuck: And she didn't take you with her? Kyle: Well, she was willing to take Miri and Ariadne, but not us boys. And we decided we all went together, or not at all. So she left us all. Starbuck: She left you all? What kind of mother would do that? Kyle: Oh, she didn't abandon us! She was going for help, after teaching us how to fight while she was gone! She just never came back... The two blond men sigh in mutual melancholy, then sit down on a log. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the warriors sing, "Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the wall..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 150 -be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additi-be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additi where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episod you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying us, seeing as I'm the captain and all. Cutler: Maybe they forgot. Apollo: How could they forget something like that? I've been their captain for a long time! Cutler: Maybe they're in terrible danger and no longer have access to their comunicatrons and need us to come to their rescue. Apollo: (Perking up.) That's a possibility... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Omega say, "We'll give you just as much respect and obedience as any Galactica executive officer." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 183 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where the crew is starting to wonder if their shift is ever going to end. Rigel: (Squirming in her seat.) I've been sitting here too long. I'm getting sore. I hate this chair. Tiki: My chair's not very comfortable either. How long do we have to stay on duty? Omega: Until we know who's going to be executive officer while Colonel Tigh's in life center being treated for shock. Tiki: Hmm. I wonder when Adama's Scene: A campfire in the middle of a small clearing in the middle of the woods somewhere on a lush and beautiful planet in the middle of a star system in the middle of a quadrant in the middle of a galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Around the campfire are a motley collection of warriors and commandoes. Warriors and commandoes: (Singing.) One bottle of ambrosa on the bulkhead, one bottle of ambrosa! Take it down and pass it around, and there's no more bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead... Cassie: (After a moment's silence.) Well, that was a nice way to spend a centar and a half. Jolly: So what'll we do now? Bojay: Did anybody bring marshmallows? Sheba: Oh, Bojay, I can be your sweet and soft and mushy-centered marshmallow... Bojay: Ah, you are so mushy... Apollo: You brought mushies and didn't bring enough for everybody? Sheba: How was I to know you couldn't be bothered to think ahead? Bojay: Bring your own mushies! Boomer: Somebody brought mushies? Cutler: Did I hear somebodonal investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts,onal investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts,de of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral wouldon before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting episgoing to make a decision... Pascal: (Haughtily entering the bridge.) Ten-hut! Attention, everyone! Everyone stares. Omega: Who are you? Pascal: I'm Colonel Pascal from the Pegasus; I'm your new executive officer! Omega: Says who? Pascal: Says me! Omega: And why should we listen to you? Pascal: Because Cain said so! Omega: He said so? So what? Pascal: He didn't actually say "so," he said I was the new c.o. here! And what he says, goes! Omega: Since when? Pascal: Since always! He's Cain! He's the commander! Omega: He's not the commander here! Pascal: Adama left the Galactica! That puts Cain in charge! And he put me in charge! So there! Rigel: Can you possibly say something without shouting? And what happened to Tolan? I thought he was the executive officer on the Pegasus. Pascal: Uh...he's gone! Rigel: Gone where? Pascal: Uh...gone! Tiki: I think you owe us an explanation - I mean, what if his being gone impacts on your being executive officer here? Pascal: Of course it does - if he w-be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additiode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running t fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Paus fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Pausy say there were mushies? Cal: I'll have some mushies, please. Kimi: Ooh, are they the choco-covered ones that the Dread Baker Robert makes? Bojay: No, no, we don't have mushies! Really we don't! Cutler: But you said- Sheba: No, that was just Bojay and me... Boomer: Oh, you were going to keep them for yourself? Jolly: You weren't going to share? Cassie: Hmph! Sheba, I always knew you thought you were better than everybody else because you were Cain's daughter, but I never thought you'd hoard mushies and refuse to share! Sheba: There are no mushies! Boomer: Yeah, right... Kiwi: (Eyes welling up with tears.) There are no mushies? *Whimper.* Kenny: But there were mushies on the shuttle! Everybody else: There were? Sheba: There were mushies on that shuttle? Well, Cassie, how do you explain that? Accusing me of hoarding mushies, when you're the one with a shuttle full of mushies! Cassie: I don't have a shuttle full of mushies! Cutler: What mushies? I didn't see any mushies! Kenny, report - eren't gone, he'd be executive officer and he'd be here and I wouldn't be here talking to you! Rigel: Yelling at us, you mean. So what happened to Tolan? Pascal: He...mutinied! After Gamorah! He didn't want to leave the fleet, he wanted to come back! We had to get rid of him! Omega: I thought you couldn't come back because of technical difficulties. Pascal: Uh...right, we couldn't! He refused to understand that! He never was very good at technical stuff! Omega: He was an expert! Pascal: No, he wasn't! Cain said so! I say so! Rigel: Stop saying so and tell us how you got rid of him! Pascal: We set him adrift in space in a small ship! Since he didn't want to go Cain's way, we let him go his own way! Omega: And he did, too. Pascal: You know what happened to him?! Omega: Yes. It was in Captain Apollo's top secret, commander's eyes only, classified report from his attempt to locate Starbuck when he was missing. Tolan landed safely on a planet named Equellus, married a beautiful lonely widowed oe.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden ae.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden arue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contact where did you see mushies? Kenny: Well, in the bin where the daggit came out! It was full of mushies! Everyone stares at each other. Jolly: Let me get this straight -- there are mushies? Apollo: Wait a centon - was that the same shuttle that Siress Belloby was using when she came aboard the Galactica? Boomer: At the same time that her mushies disappeared? Everyone stares at each other. Sheba: The daggit...stole the mushies? Bojay: (Grinning.) More importantly, we found the mushies! All break out into cheering. Boomer: So what are we going to do about it? Report we found the mushies? Sheba: Are you kidding? We're going to eat the mushies! They were meant for us, after all! Bojay: We'll just thank Belloby when we get back! Cutler: And in the meantime, let's sing some more! Warriors and commandoes: (With gusto.) Ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa on the bulkhead, ninety-nine bottles of ambrosa... Apollo: I really hate that song... Jolly: Can't we just eat? Tune in for the next exciting episoonal investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts,vine rancher with lots of property and no other relatives but a son with a gun, and is now living quite happily. Pascal: A son of a gun?! Omega: No, a son with a gun. And very good at using it, too, by the Captain's report. Pascal: Darn! He wasn't supposed to get lucky! Well, anyway, I'm the new executive officer here, and I'm going to give orders until Tigh comes back - and maybe then too! Omega: (Smiling slightly.) Of course. Welcome aboard. We'll give you just as much respect and obedience as any Galactica executive officer. Pascal: Thank you, Officer Omega! Omega: (Aside.) As much as any Galactica executive officer would get on the Pegasus - which, if I recall Colonel Tigh's comments after Gamorah, isn't much. The bridge crew grins slyly. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "You don't have to call me Commander when it's just us." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 184 Scene: Meanwhile, back in the fleet, aboard the Rising Stway in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggiway in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggi with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care ode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama dictate a log report. Update time... ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 151 Scene: Adama's private office, where he is dictating a log entry and enjoying (?) a chalice of ambrosa. Adama: It's after midnight in the cycle, and I can't sleep. This is not unusual, when one of my children is out on an extended mission. I can only sit and wait to hear from them, but they always come back, no matter what... Uh, wait, delete that, that didn't sound good... My son has always returned, whatever he has faced. Whether western-style shoot-outs with damaged Cylons... Stranded lonely widows with designs on his honor...uh, his whatever... White-out alien blizzards that Minnesotans would be right at home in... Faux-Irish descendants of criminals who spend their dark days making booze...although there must have been light somewhere in that system... Devious plots of criminals in our own fleet, such as Baltar, Baltar's minions, and Celestral would fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Pausar, in couturier Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe, where she'll soon be showing her new line. Adama enters. Adama: Amanda, are you here? Amanda: Of course I'm here. Hello, Commander. Adama: You don't have to call me Commander when it's just us, Amanda. Amanda: Old habit. I suppose you're here to see Athena? Adama: Yes, but that doesn't mean I can't see you, too, does it? Athena: (Entering, dressed in something really slinky - and with blonde hair.) Hello, Father! You came to see us two? That's wonderful! That must mean you've accepted my career change! (Runs and hugs him, nearly falling off her heels.) Amanda: If you break another heel, Athena, it's coming out of your pay voucher! Adama: No, I came to see you and Amanda, too. Athena: Me and Amanda, yes, that's two. Adama: Well, yes, I suppose that is two, and I did mean to see both of you, but... Amanda, would you mind leaving for a few centons? I'd like to talk to Athena, privately. We have a few things to work out. Amanda: If you're going.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to facef ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday andng.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to face-be mutineers... Entanglement in Starbuck's plots, ploys, murder investigations, and card games... Or demons of evil incarnate with designs on his girlfriend. Adama: (Pausing to take a sip of ambrosa.) But all of that pales in the face of the events of the past few sectons. We have been subjected to the attempted mutiny by a group of children who took over engineering, with unlimited access to the bakership as their demand. That was met with stern discipline and some very clever tricks on the part of my children and the other warriors.... Adama: (Another drink.) We have witnessed the murder of a well- known couturier from the Colonies, with the attendant investigation. While the terminater has been identified, apprehended, and sent to the prison barge to spend the rest of his days incarcerated with the traitor Baltar and the videolator spacer and former journalator Zara, Paye's accomplices and fellow members of GETALIFE -- Galacticans Enjoying The After Life -- remain at large and under additie.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden a her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what ding to explain the basics of addition to her, I think you're too late. Adama: What's that supposed to mean? Amanda: Boiled down, it means good luck. Thanks for stopping by, Commander. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go freshen up before the show. Adama: I think you're fresh enough. But if you think you have to... Athena: Now it's just me, Father - that's one, not two. Adama: Hello, Athena. I can see you're just one. Uh, when did you become a blonde one? Athena: (Tossing her hair.) Yesterday. Amanda thought it would be a nice touch for the fashion show today. What do you think? (Twirls.) Don't you love my Amanda original gown from her Refugee Apparel line? Adama: I've seen more fabric left in one of Starbuck's ripped uniforms after he lost his shirt! Athena: I know - that's the whole idea! In fact, this dress is made out of the remnants of one of Starbuck's uniforms, dyed! The fabric, I mean, not Starbuck. He hasn't died. Unless he did it while I wasn't looking. But then, I wouldn't be lo her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what dional investigation by Captain Columbo... Adama: (Taking a deeper drink, draining the chalice.) My own daughter has... (Takes a deep breath.) Yes, I can say it now... I have reconciled myself to it. Athena has resigned from the service, and now is aboard the Rising Star working in some capacity for Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe. Amanda is of course Ganymede's apprentice and the most reasonable person to take over his couturier shop. I must visit the Rising Star soon, and see how Athena is doing, and perhaps try to convince her to return to what must be her true calling, here on the Galactica... Adama: (Sighing heavily.) While assisting in dealing with the mushie mutineers, Siress Belloby graciously provided a shuttle full of sweet treats from the bakership. Those mushies disappeared in mysterious circumstances in a crowded bay. While Tigh assigned Sheba to investigate, Siress Belloby has taken up residence here aboard the Galactica. The Black Ovines, temporarily assigned to be her escorts,way in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggi porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo:d you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying oking when he died anyway, since he's not here. Unless he comes back and starts working for Amanda, too, then I'll see him dye all the time. Anyway, Amanda says we're recycling fabric, practicing conservation, and setting a good example for the rest of the fleet to see! Adama: They'll certainly see a lot! Athena: Oh, thank you, Father, I'm so glad you understand! Adama: I'm trying... (Muttering.) Of course, I've also been trying to talk to Amanda privately ever since the Destruction, and not having much luck with that, either. Athena: This is very important to me, after all. This is my chance to establish myself as a separate entity, a real person... Adama: You've always been real and separate to me, Athena... Athena: No, I mean, apart from my identity as a member of the miliary, as your daughter, as Apollo's sister, as a bridge officer - a chance to really shine and be myself and show what I can do! Adama: (Eying the blonde hair, the strategically positioned gown, and the high heels.) I had you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying fled to the Miri Feathers ship after it was discovered that, in direct defiance of my orders, they had convinced Wilker to create a droid daggit for them... Adama: (Smiling slightly and pouring himself another drink.) The Miri Feathers... Well, what can one say about a group of wild warrior women somewhat dressed in leather and feathers who can track a spectral dire daggit through the darkest reaches of the Galactica? Even though, unfortunately, there's nothing they or anyone else can do about a spectral dire daggit other than scream and run. Adama: (A gulp of ambrosa and an expression of steeling himself for the worst.) Contemplating all these events, I find that I fear most Apollo's involvement with Siress Cordelia, niece of Siress Belloby and a member of the House of Somers. (Shaking his head.) It is my understanding they have discussed sealing. But that can never be allowed. The House of Somers and the House of Greene can never join, for the results could be disastrous for us all. (Paus Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we everng.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to faceon before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting episve to admit, you're showing yourself ... but are you sure this a chance to be yourself? I mean, when were you ever blonde? Athena: Well, I never looked like 7 of 9 before either, but inside, that's the real me, just dying to get out and expose myself! Adama: Isn't one 7 of 9 enough for this universe? Athena: One seventy-nine? Adama: No... Never mind. I think this conversation is passing beyond the rating. I'll see you and Siress Amanda both, after the show. Athena: You'll see us during the show, too, won't you? Adama: More than a father expects, I'm sure... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Dr. Barbarella say, "I need more daggits..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 185 Scene: The Miri Feathers ship, in the secret lab of Dr. Barbarella. The lab is full of all kinds of arcane equipment and bubbling beakers and smoking cauldrons and shelves full of jars of strange ingredients and ... well, you get the picture. Note: Daggit names and geon before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting epise.) It's hard to imagine how much more disastrous things could be for us than they already are, considering our worlds have been destroyed, the enemy is close behind us, and we have escaped utter destruction by microns on a multitude of occasions, but I'd hate to have to find out. Adama: (Shaking his head.) All these events aside, we have received our first report from the rescue mission sent after the missing shuttle full of children. It appears they have not yet successfully located the children, and have sustained their first loss - Starbuck is missing. Oh, well, he'll turn up, he always does. Adama: (Takes another drink of ambrosa, then onward!) They have, however, located what appear to be three sites of human habitation, and will be investigating those sites in the morning. Adama: (Ponders.) One of our situations, at least, seems to have been resolved. The warriors have located Siress Belloby's missing mushies, and have, from their report, put them to good use. The mushies were hidden a...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what diode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running tnders have been changed to protect the innocent puppies who had no say in the decision to include them here and who are incapable of protesting the injustice done unto them. Barbarella: (Enters the lab through a concealed door, followed by a craven lab assistant and about half a dozen daggit droids.) What's taking them so long with my slime? Darn those Miri Feathers, anyway! Lab assistant: (Dubiously.) Darn them? Well, I could try, but they've got spears, and how much good are a needle and thread going to be against that, no matter how you do it? Barbarella: No, I didn't mean to literally darn them like socks, it was a figure of speech that can safely be used in a G-rated series! Where do we get these lab techs, anyway? Lab assistant: Well, I used to work for Reese in security, but when I had a chance for a promotion like this, I jumped at it. Barbarella: You know what happens to lab techs who work for mad scientists, don't you? Lab assistant: Uh, no, what? Barbarella: Never mind. You'll fiode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running taccident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-wiway in a compartment on the shuttle... With a mysterious, previously unknown and unaccounted-for mechanical daggit. Which Dr. Wilker denies any and all responsibility for. It is suspected that the daggit is responsible for the missing mushies. Although I am still bewildered by the question of what a mechanical daggit would do with a cargo of mushies - and who might be responsible for the creation of this daggit. Adama: (Takes a gulp.) In any event, I have instructed Colonel Tigh to see that Siress Belloby is informed of the results of the quest for her missing mushies, and their ultimate disposition. I believe he has given the mission into the capable hands of members of Green Squadron- The entire battlestar suddenly shivers, quakes, shudders, and shakes and a dreadful screeching sound can be heard, echoing through every corridor and conduit. Adama: I believe the siress has been informed.... (Quickly gulps down the rest of the contents of the chalice, then grabs the bottle and begins chuggid you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying rue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contactrue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contactng.) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "They ate my mushies?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 152 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Night shift, which means Tigh is in charge. A horrible screeching and shuddering sweeps through the bridge. The bridge crew reacts with their usual aplomb. Omega: Did we just get blown up? Rigel: I don't think so - we wouldn't be here if we were. Tiki: We wouldn't be here if we were here? What's that supposed to mean? Omega: Well, whether we're here or not, at least the Cylons don't seem to have blown us up yet. Rigel: There's always next episode- Tigh: Never mind, you people. That sounded like...Belloby. The bridge crew panics, diving for cover, ducking under consoles, looking for the nearest conduit through which to flee. Tigh: Hold it! You're Colonial warriors! You're brave, you can face Cylon fire, you can face anything! Get back to your stations! Besides, you're not leaving me to facend out soon enough. Oh, come here, pups... (Pauses to pet several of the daggits, while studying the rest of her little pack.) Hmm, I need more daggits... Lab assistant: (Nervously.) But daggits are illegal - Commander Adama has ordered that there be no more daggits. Why do you keep making daggits? Barbarella: (Gesturing airily.) Because I need them to carry out my plot to infiltrate a daggit onto every ship in the fleet as the first step in my plan to take over the universe. Lab assistant: Oh! I see... No I don't... (Dubiously looking over the daggit droids.) Barbarella: You'll understand in time. Lab assistant: If you say so... Are you sure we don't we have enough daggits? Barbarella: No. Lab assistant: No, you're not sure, or no, we don't have enough daggits? Barbarella: What do you think? Lab assistant: How should I know? I'm just the assistant. I don't even get a name. Barbarella: Oh, all right. No, we don't have enough daggits - and some of those I had are gone. Psychodaggit failedon before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting episde path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can r with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care o with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care o her alone! The door to the bridge all but leaps open and cowers as an enraged Siress Belloby stomps onto the bridge. Belloby: Is is true? Tigh: Uh...hi, Siress... Is what true? Belloby: What your idiot former lieutenant from Green Squadron said! That your mission team finally found my mushies, after all this time, on that shuttle, and then they ate 'em? Tigh: Uh... Omega, you tell her. (Ducks behind console.) Omega: Me? I'm not gonna tell her! Rigel, you tell her... Rigel: Me? No way! Even the dread captain Robert wouldn't tell Belloby somebody ate her mushies! Adama enters the bridge. Adama: What's going on here? Belloby turns her fury on the commander. Belloby: That they ate my mushies? Adama: (Managing a smile.) Yes, Belloby, it's true. The mission team found your mushies. Belloby: And ate 'em? Adama: And ate them. Belloby: Why, those... Adama: But, Belloby, didn't you bring those mushies to the Galactica as a gift to the warriors? Belloby: (Pausing.) Yeah, so? Adama: Well, what diode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running t in his mission to steal Siress Belloby's mushies and bring them back, and ultimately wound up being blown into little metallic daggit kibbles and bits on the rescue mission - no big loss, a daggit with a sweet tooth can be a problem. And Milotes and Little Daggit Starbuck stowed away on that shuttle to the orphan ship and wound up lost with Chameleon and the children. Who knows if they'll ever come back? And the Miri Feathers actually managed to get one of my daggits in the conduits of the Galactica, they just didn't realize they'd hit one because it fell out of the conduit into a storage bay amid a bunch of spare Viper parts. Lab assistant. (Shakes head.) We have to retrieve it before Shadrack finds out he's a few parts over the line in his current inventory. Barbarella: Actually, we're not going to. The next time he assembles a Viper, he's going to have leftover parts, and it'll drive him nuts. Lab assistant: You're so clever, doctor. Barbarella: Of course I am, that's why I'm the doctorun, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what f ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday andf ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday andd you think the warriors were going to do with them, if not eat them? Belloby: (Blinking.) Oh...yeah...that's true... Adama: So why are you so upset? Belloby: I'd forgotten... Adama, you are so right. That's exactly why I brought them here - they've been missing for so long, I forgot what I brought them here for - to be eaten. And that's exactly what happened. Silly me. You are so smart, no wonder you're the commander. Can you forgive me for going off the deep end for no reason? Adama: (Graciously.) Certainly, Siress. In these days of trouble and stress, it's easy for all of us to forget the greater things in life, and to overlook the little details, and to become wrapped up in things that don't really matter, like the twinings of kobolian mummies... Belloby: Uh, yeah, whatever you said. Adama, have you been drinking? Adama: As a matter of fact, I have, but that's not important right at the centon. (Hopefully.) So you can now leave the Galactica and return to whatever ship you were staying rue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contact and you're the lab assistant. Lab assistant: Actually, I thought I'd be working for Wilker. Barbarella: Wilker?! You had to mention his name, didn't you. The man who takes all the credit for everything I do.... The man who claimed to Apollo that he was the one who made Muffit.... The man who pretended he knew what he was doing with the captured Cylons but couldn't even figure out how to make them fly their Raider.... The man who nearly killed those poor people from Lunar Seven, showing off and trying to impress the Commander.... Lab assistant: (Cowering.) I'm sorry I mentioned him! I won't do it again! Barbarella: Too late. I'm replacing you. You've already proven yourself a weak spot in my plan to take over the universe. Lab assistant: But.... But.... Barbarella: But first, I'm spacing you. You are the weakest link. Good bye. The deck beneath the lab assistant opens, and he drops out of sight with a horrified yelp. Barbarella: All right, my precious little daggits, come here! Come, Maxweare you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, whe porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo: porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo:on before you came here, correct? Belloby: No, I'm not! Adama: What? But that's what you said you'd do when your mushies were found! Belloby: I changed my mind! I like it here! All these handsome young warriors, all this excitement, all this political action. Adama: Say what?!?! Belloby: And since I'll be working so closely with Tinia on the Council, I need to be close to the Council chambers, and available at any centar of the day. Tigh: (Eyes closing as if in pain.) Working with Tinia! I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And with Cordelia and Apollo set to seal as soon as they get back from their mission, I'm going to be family, after all... Adama: (Lower lip beginning to quiver.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Belloby: And I might need to spend a lot more time here on the bridge, overseeing things, watching the crew for efficiency and such... (Pausing long enough to tousle Omega's hair.) Omega: (Groaning.) I knew I shoulda spaced myself... Tune in for the next exciting episll, you are the smart one, aren't you? Here, Muffit III, want some mushies? All right, Buffit and Tuffit, you two behave now, I can tell you apart. Stuffit and Puffit, I haven't forgotten you.... (And the daggit droids gather 'round....) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Iblis say, "Will you keep the box, or take what's on Planet #2?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 186 Scene: The woods. Sheba makes her way, sulking. Sheba: He did it again. That insensitive, mean-spirited, self- important, egocentric, arrogant, uncaring, haughty, self- centered, always right... (Pauses to pull out a thesaurus, thumbs through it, then throws it down.) To hades with it and with him, too! And he's a lousy kisser! But what can you expect with his lack of experience? (She kicks at a tree, and bangs her big toe against the heavy trunk. Hopping on one foot, she pulls her laser.) Youch! Oow, owh! Take that, you stupid tree! (Blasts tree to smithereens.) Where's re Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravashol with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care o Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we ever Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we everode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "Get lost, Bozo." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 153 Scene: Sunrise over the beautiful forested planet of great beaches, wonderful berries, cabins in the woods with broken doors (the cabins, that is, not the woods), unexplored castles, mysterious human habitations, and warrior campfires. The warriors and commandoes are preparing to split up for this mission. One of the commandoes furtively approaches Cassie. Kevin: So, Cassie, you and Jolly have been together for over 150 episodes now. Cassie: Yeah, so? Kevin: Don't you think it's time you broke up, or something? Cassie: Why? Kevin: Well, that's the way it is in soap operas, isn't it? Nobody stays together long...especially when a handsome, debonair new character is introduced -- you know, someone like me. Doesn't that make it time for you and Jolly to break up? Or at least for you to have a wild fling? I mean, I'm certainly willing to volunteer, to keep this series running t: He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who tIblis when he could be doing some good? Probably in the shower again... There is a sudden whoosh of wind, the sky grows red, and the Emperor of Evil, the Imperator of the Immoral, the Despot of the Demonic, the Monarch of Meanies, the Sovereign of Slime, the Czar of Cads, the Lord of Louses, the Baron of Bad Boys and Babes, the - well, you get the picture - Iblis himself, appears. Iblis: Hello, Princess. Sheba: Hello, Iblis. Iblis: Did I hear you correctly this time? You called me? With your own sweet lips, you called my name and asked me to come to you? Sheba: You heard me say your name, I don't know about the rest of it. I'm certainly not feeling very sweet at the moment! Iblis: That explains why you wanted me to do some good! Princess, I don't take insults like that lightly! Sheba: Oh, you take everything as an insult unless it starts with "mighty lord and master." Iblis: That does start off a sentence well. Sheba: Don't get any ideas. I'll never call any man lord and master. Iblis: Wef ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday and...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an ...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an rue to expectations- Cassie: You want me to dump Jolly to jump you? Kevin: Yeah! Cassie: Get lost, Bozo. Kevin: No, no, Bozo's part of Bellerophon's Brigade - we're Cutler's Commandoes. Why are people always mistaking me for him? Cassie: Are you related to Lt. Tarlik? Kevin: Yeah, he's my brother. Cassie: Figures. Hey, Jolly, this guy's bothering me. Jolly: Go ahead and take care of him, honey. No skin off my teeth. Cassie: (Smiling widely, revealing bright white teeth and extremely long incisors.) I can do that, sweetums. Kevin: (Gulping and turning almost as pale as Cassie's teeth.) N- n-n-never mind, I'm going with Boomer! Cassie: 'Bye! So, Apollo, how are we splitting up, and can we please get going? Our angels had to spend a whole night alone in the wide woods, and it's time you started at least pretending you wanted to find them. Apollo: Okay! We're ready. Here's the assignment list. Jolly, you and Cassie are going south. Check out the cluster of human habitations. Stay in contacthey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. Tu'll discuss the definition of man later. Let's start dealing. Sheba: If I wanted to play cards, I'd've called for Starbuck. Iblis: We'll discuss his deal later too. (A handsome hunk appears out of nowhere, barely clad, and carrying a box, which he holds out to Sheba.) For now, I'm offering you the contents of this box in exchange for your soul, your eternal dedication, and your undying obedience - or undying as long as I chose. Sheba: Hmmm.... What's in the box? Iblis: It's a surprise. You don't know until you open it - and opening it constitutes your consent to the bargain. Sheba: I'll have to think about that.... Iblis: Did I mention that the bearer of the box comes with it? Sheba: (Tempted.) He's certainly pretty bare.... Iblis: I promise you, the contents of the box are worth at least $19,999.95, and it contains at least one original Ganymede gown. Sheba: How'd you manage that? He's dead! Iblis: We had a deal. Still holds even though he's dead. See what great company you'll have? Sheba: porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo:accident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-wiaccident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-wi with the rest of us on a regular basis, okay? Jolly: I'm still a warrior, Apollo, I remember how it's done. Apollo: Great. Boomer, you and Bojay head west. Sheba and I will take the north. Sheba: Wait a centon, why are you splitting up me and Bojay? Apollo: I thought nothing could split up you and Bojay. Sheba: And nothing can. Not even your obvious effort to bring you and me back together. Forget it. It'll never work. It's only a mission and that's all it'll ever be. Apollo: Thank heavens for small favors - I don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea! But for your information, I'm sending you and Bojay in different directions because I figure it's the only way either of you will get any work done! Sheba sticks out her tongue at him and stalks away. Cutler: Apollo, what about us? Apollo: Oh, yeah, that's right, we've got some commandoes with us... Oh, divide yourselves up however you want between Boomer and Jolly's teams. Cutler: What about your team? Apollo: We can take care one in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can d Oh. Iblis: Now, will you keep the box, or take what's on planet #2? Sheba: I haven't said I'd take the box yet. Uh, by the way, what's on planet #2? Iblis: Oh, nothing much. A population to rule, to treat as you will, beautiful palaces, great summer homes, jewels galore, wealth beyond belief, lots of natural resources, nice climate, several exquisite dress designers, more box bearers, that sort of thing. Sheba: Actually, I've changed my mind about dealing with you. You keep the box and the planet - oh, and the bearer too, I suppose, since it was a package deal. Iblis: We can still negotiate. What about the universe? What about being my Empress of Evil? Sheba: If I wanted to be Empress of Evil, I'd've married that guy Ming when he asked me to - now there was a man determined to conquer the universe! And he had the same attitude about love and marriage lasting until he got tired of me and spaced me. That was the part of the engagement I didn't like. Iblis: Ming! You had to mention him, didn Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we everde path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can rde path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can rf ourselves. Cutler: But who's gonna protect you from each other? Apollo: Get lost, Cutler. Cutler: (Looking around.) Not on your life, Captain. We've already got enough people lost. Apollo: All right, teams, let's go! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons!" _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Nessman. We're holding the IFB broadcasting station against that probable conspirator Koppel and that pink fluff Aphrodite - who can't even spell porcine, much less appreciate their significance to the very survival of humankind! - but I don't know how much longer we can handle things here... I am not paranoid! If I only had real walls! Call the Commander! Call the Colonel! Call the warriors! Call the commandoes! Bring out the masses of humanity who appreciate the scent of porcines in the morning and porcines in the midday andeal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitatio't you? That two-bit wannabe! That show-off! He's got no fashion sense whatsoever! He never wears anything unless it's gaudy and garish and stands out in a crowd. Sheba: I kinda liked his fashion sense. That black sealing robe of his, with those broad metallic shoulders and gleaming ebony trim, was very appealing - right up there with some of Ganymede's best. Iblis: You know, Sheba, I'm reconsidering having you as my Empress of Evil! Sheba: (Shrugs.) Big deal. Yet another man who lets me down when I won't fit into his mold. Iblis: I am not moldy. But just for that, I'm leaving! Iblis vanishes in a huffy puff of sulphur, smoke, fancy lights, and other special effects. Sheba: (Surveying the now-empty woods and holding her nose.) If you're not, it's only because mold can't live in all that sulphur! Phew! (Notices the bearer of the box is still there, and starts to smile.) Looks like Iblis forgot something.... The bearer and the box disappear. Sheba: Drat. I guess it's true, you don't get som...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an un, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what un, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what porcines with the setting sun! Back, back, you mindless council security buffoons! But as long as I'm in charge here, at least we're completing the twenty-second secton of: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 154 Scene: Still on the planet, where the teams have packed up their camp, Kevin has stopped hitting on Cassie, and everybody's ready to head off into the woods in their assorted directions, except Bojay and Sheba, who are locked in a classically romantic dip- kiss, and: Carey: Why do I have to wear the red shirt? Kenny: 'Cuz I wore it last night! Carey: So? What danger is there in the night? You should have to wear it a full day! Cutler: Carey? Carey: Yeah? Cutler: Wear the red shirt. Carey: Nuts. Cutler: Okay, Captain, are you sure you don't want any of the commandoes going with you and Sheba? Apollo: No, just divide yourselves up with the other teams. Cutler: You're sure? You want me to divide ourselves up as I think best? Apollo: Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Go. Cutler: Okay. Apollo:n we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads intething for nothing.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear a mysterious doctor say, "That's not all that important now, is it?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 187 Scene: Evening in a small clearing in the woods, where Apollo, Cutler, and Sheba are setting up camp. Apollo: Cutler, any word from Boomer or Jolly? Cutler: Still nothing. We've lost all contact with them. They're lost. Completely lost. Sheba: I wonder what happened to my poor Bojay.... They all hear a very strange, whiny sort of noise - and suddenly a blue box appears in the clearing. The door opens, and out spill Boomer, Bojay, Carey, Kenny, and a mysterious man with a mop of curly hair (what can be seen of it under his hat), and wearing in addition to that hat, a coat a long scarf, and grin that never stops. Kenny: Where and when are we this time? Boomer: There! Look! It's Apollo and Sheba! Bojay: We're here, we're here, we're really here! Sheba: Bojay! Oh, my sweet Bojayaccident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-wiare you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, wheare you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, whe Sheba, are you ready to go? Sheba: As soon as I finish packing my undies, brushing my hair, and saying good bye to Bojay. Apollo: That's what you've been saying for the last thirty centons! Sheba: It takes a while to say good bye to a man like Bojay. Bojay: *Sneer.* Yeah, Apollo. Apollo grabs Bojay by the neck of his uniform. He drops Sheba, who promptly falls into the grass. Sheba: Hey! Apollo: Now, listen, you pipsqueak lieutenant, get your hands off that other lieutenant so we can get on with our mission, or I'll put you on report! Bojay: Just because you and Cordelia can't share a bed until you're sealed- Apollo: Where did you hear about Cordelia? Bojay: Everybody's heard about Cordelia! You think Belloby's niece is a secret? Apollo: No, I mean, where did you hear about...about the not sharing a bed part? Bojay: Come on, Apollo, everybody knows you! You don't...ahem...until you're sealed! Apollo: Who says? Sheba: I do - and I should know! How long did I date you? And did we evero the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten y! (Rushes to cradle him in her arms.) Carey: (Dropping to his knees.) Thank you, thank you, thank you, I'll never gamble or drink or womanize or sing karoake again.... Boomer: Thanks for the lift, Doctor. Mysterious Doctor: Anytime, Boomer, it was a pleasure having you and your friends as companions for those months. Carey, you can get up now.... Boomer: Someday, I hope you'll explain to me just what a month is. Mysterious Doctor: Time unit - that's not all that important now, is it, Boomer? Boomer: Nope. You certainly demonstrated that. Bye, Doctor! Say hi to Sarah Jane for me the next time you see her! Mysterious Doctor: I certainly will, Boomer. Ta-ta! With a grin, the doctor steps back inside, and the door closes. A moment later, the small box starts making weird noises again - and then disappears. Apollo: Who.... Who was that, Boomer, and how did you get to know him? Boomer: Who is right. But how I got to know him isn't important. Anyway, we're here. We survived being treed by those de path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can rre Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravasholre Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravashol...ahem? I all but threw myself at you! I did everything I could to make you jealous, even get it on with Iblis and snap your triad trunk elastic waistband into a celestial wedgie! But even in the celestial observation chamber all we did was look at stars! Cassie: Hey, I remember that - and I thought we were really going to party! I mean, there it was, Apollo's birthday, and there was you, and Apollo, and Starbuck ready to walk on the wild side, and me with all my skills and abilities and willingness to teach you both everything I knew... Wow, it coulda been something really celestial! Sheba: And don't think I didn't hear Cordelia when you and she dropped in on me! Apollo: I told you, that was an accident! The result of a weak spot in the decking! Sheba: That's the problem, Apollo - you aren't lying! It really was an accident! You can't even drop in on a dripping wet woman in a turbo-towel with another woman sprawled on a flower-bedecked bunk in a Ganymede original gown without it being an ards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yosaurians. Cutler: You were treed by brandy? How much did you drink, anyway? Boomer: No - saurians - animals. Kenny: Big teeth. Run fast. Very tall. Carey: They got Kevin, even though he wasn't wearing the red shirt at the time. Sheba: So how'd you get out of the tree, if you were treed by those monsters? Boomer: Well, the last time I had the pleasure of traveling with the Doctor, he gave me a little temporal communicator and said to use if it I was ever in a jam. Apollo: He gave you a what? Sheba: I thought you were in a tree, not in jam. Boomer: Figure of speech. Sheba: Oh. Boomer: Anyway, I used it to communicate with him, and he came to our rescue. Bojay: It was amazing - that TARDIS actually materialized right there next to our tree - and kept floating. We just had to jump into the door, and we were aboard. Carey: The rest of us had to jump over - Boomer had to carry you, kicking and screaming. Bojay: That was then, this is now. I've gotten over my fear of open spaces, enclosed spacun, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what : He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who t: He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who taccident and without doing the noble thing! Apollo: I gotta do something about my reputation... Apollo and Sheba head into the woods. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "How did you get here?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 155 Scene: Apollo and Sheba head into the woods, followed by Cutler and Kiwi, despite Apollo's previous orders to Cutler. Apollo: Cutler, what did I tell you? Cutler: You told me to divide us up as I saw fit. Apollo: Except I ordered no one was to go with Sheba and me! Cutler: Uh, we're not going with Sheba and you. We're just going in the same direction. If you're going with us, that's your problem. Apollo: Oh. Okay, then, as long as you're obeying orders. Cutler: Of course, Captain. Sheba: (Staring at woods.) I think we'll need a machete or something to get through that underbrush! Cutler: No, we won't. (Locks, loads, and opens fire with some of his super-duper commando weaponry, opening a five-yard-wiu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the wes, high spaces, and low spaces - not to mention my fear of large bodies of water, blue-colored paper, rodentia, ophidines, lepines, daggits, and bad comedy skits. Boomer: That's for sure. Apollo: Sounds like Deus ex machina Boomer: And that machina is a TARDIS. Apollo: What's a tardis, anyway? Boomer: No, a TARDIS. It's Time And.... Oh, never mind, I can't explain it anyway. I hate temporal mechanics. Sheba: But what happened to your uniforms? I mean, these aren't standard Colonial uniforms.... Boomer, Bojay, and the commandoes exchange glances. Boomer: Well, that's a long story. Remind us to tell you about it sometime when we've got time. But for now, what about the kids? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Not unless that guy named Troy really was- Oof!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 188 Scene: Still in the woods, where Apollo and Boomer's teams have united, what's left of them, each having lost a team member. Apollo: Yoare you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, whehey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. Tuhey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. Tuoods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, re Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravasholne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can dne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can dlook, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, what: He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who teal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitatioeal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitatio's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gatede path into the woods.) After you. Sheba: I'm impressed. A man who knows how to really use his big gun. Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? Nobody here's being mean. What do you mean, Apollo? Apollo: (Looking confused.) Uh, nothing... Let's go. Apollo, Sheba, Cutler, and Kiwi wander along the spacious path Cutler created. Kiwi: Oooh, look over there at the- Cutler: Don't say, "look at the pretty flowers." Kiwi: Actually, I was going to say, look over there at the big furry thing with those four long, sharp tusks and all those long, sharp teeth in its gaping wide maw that could devour one of us in a single gulp if it didn't trample us into mush with its sharp, cloven hooves! Everyone: Aaaah!!!! Everybody runs. They race along the wide-open path, looking behind to see if they're being followed by the big furry thing with tusks, teeth, and hooves, not really watching where they're going. Suddenly, Apollo, who's in the lead (he can rn we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads inthey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. Tun we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads ints open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kicu didn't have any luck finding the kids either, huh? Bojay: Well, not unless that guy named Troy really was- (Boomer elbows him.) Oof! Sheba: What'd you do that for? Boomer: Because he forgot the first rule of temporal mechanics. Don't mess with the time stream. Bojay: I wasn't! Boomer: No, you were just going to reveal an incident that may very well have happened in a future timeline from us, thereby risking the possibility that you might change the timeline, maybe resulting in it never coming to pass and catching us in an endless time loop! Bojay: Oh, that's right. Forget I said anything. Apollo: Okay.... Whatever that was you were talking about.... Anyway, I guess that means we're still looking. And we're looking for Jolly and Cassie, too - they haven't responded to any of our attempts to contact them. But at least now we've found you. Bojay: You found us? Hah! Apollo: That's that supposed to mean? Boomer: Uh, Apollo, it was actually us that found you. Kenny: After several mistakes in tun, even if he doesn't get to...ahem), trips and winds up flying head over boots, sprawled out in the burned-out underbrush. Clone: Father-creator, look what I tripped! Sheba: You tripped, Apollo! Clone: Yes, I tripped Apollo! Sheba: No, I was talking to Apollo, telling him that he tripped! Clone: He didn't trip, I tripped him! Ravashol: Ser-four, that wasn't very nice, to trip a Colonial warrior like that... Apollo gets to his feet, confused. Apollo: What happened? What did I trip over? Who tripped me? Ravashol: I'm sorry, Captain. My clone was simply watching the string we strung over the path to trip anything that came by. We didn't know it would be you. I certainly wouldn't have strung the string if I'd know you'd be coming along. Apollo: (Staring in disbelief.) Dr. Ravashol! How did you get here? Ravashol: In a spaceship, of course - how did you think? One of those idiotic plot device wormholes or something? Apollo: Well, of course... I mean no... I mean yes, a spaceship... But what o the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten yne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can do the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten yk it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but ime and space, I might add. That doctor friend of yours really doesn't have a lot of control over that machine, does he, Boomer? Boomer: He got us here, didn't he? And I think I fixed that temporal materialization circuit for him - he should have better control now. Apollo: You fixed the what? Boomer: Uh, never mind, Apollo. Sheba: Well, we're going to have a long evening here. Boomer, why don't you tell us what's been going on with your team? Boomer: Uh.... Apollo: We could give him an update on our situation- Sheba: (Sweetly.) Yes, we could tell him about the luau. Apollo: Boomer, give us an update on your mission status. Boomer: Hmm.... Bojay: Huddle! Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny quickly gather in a huddle, while Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler stare at them in puzzlement. Bojay: Can we tell him about the Daleks? Boomer: No! Carey: But the fleet hasn't run into them and we have no history of them in the Colonies, they should be safe to mention! Boomer: But they showed up on Earth, severaare you doing here? Why did you leave Arcta to come here? Ravashol: I got sick and tired of the eternal winter on that overgrown ice cube, that's why! You left, why shouldn't I? Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo. Ravashol: Yes, in the sword concealed inside my walking cane. Now, Captain, what are you doing here? Apollo: Searching for lost people. Ravashol: Oh, did Starbuck take a side trip again? Apollo: Yeah, but that's just a side plot. We're here to find some missing children. Ravashol: This should be a good place for it. I know my clones and their children are having a great time here. Apollo: Your children! Oh, no! How will we tell our children from your children? There is a rising swell of dramatic music as everyone gasps and looks horrified. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Ravashol say, "Don't get delusions of grandeur." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 156 Scene: The woods, in the middle of a path burned by Commando Cutler, wheards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yoeal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitatioards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yoyou're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-rul times - what if they showed up after we did ... uh, after we do - if there's word in the mission report about Daleks, that could bring pre-knowledge of the future to Earth, and change the time line, which could result in us not being able to meet them when we did ... uh, do, thereby changing the present, resulting in us not knowing about them, causing an irreversible quantum temporal loop that we could never escape! Bojay: How about the Cybermen? Can we tell the Captain about them? Boomer: No - same problem. Bojay: Well, dang, all those adventures and we can't even tell anybody about them? What good was it to have them? Kenny: Do we have any proof that we haven't already changed the time stream by anything we might have done while with the Doctor, or by something he may do or have done because he met us, and that we aren't caught ourselves in a time quantum temporal loop already? Boomer: Uh.... Hmmm. (Turns to Apollo.) Say, Apollo, how are you and Cordelia doing? Apollo: (Grinning.) We'rre Apollo and Sheba are talking to Dr. Ravashol and one of his clones. Sheba: Oh, no, the children! How will we recognize them? Apollo: (Irritated.) Didn't I just ask that? Sheba: Well, somebody had to start the scene! Cutler and Kiwi come running up, having been slowed down by the weight of the weaponry they're carrying. You know the old saying - you don't have to be faster than what's chasing you, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy who's being chased. Cutler: Who's this? Apollo: This is Dr. Ravashol. We met him on Arcta - he was working for the Cylons then, until we destroyed his pulsar cannon and liberated his clones, allowing him to make a choice to join the fleet and put his scientific genius to work for us, or to stay on that oversized frigidaire and hope he had the weaponry at his disposal to keep the Cylons from coming in and taking over again and wiping out him and everyone else there. He chose to stay there. Cutler: Sounds like a lousy choice. And who's this? Ravasholu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the wn we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads intu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the wnning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for romane doing great. In fact, we're getting sealed as soon as we get back from this mission. Bojay: Well, that proves a lot of things haven't changed. Apollo: Oh, I hope you and Starbuck don't feel bad, Boomer, but I've decided that Zac's going to be my best man. Family comes first, and I gotta take care of my little brother, after all, right? Boomer: (Exchanging glanced with his team.) ...Zac? Apollo: Yes. Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Boomer, you look like you've seen a ghost." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Aphrodite, reporting the best in the social news - and we are happy to report that rumor has it that Commander Princess Gabrielle has finally said yes to her handsome beau, and sealing bells are set to ring in the very near future! Perhaps even a double ceremony with Captain Apollo and Siress Cordelia. But we're not going to: He's one of my clones. Kiwi: Funny, he doesn't look like you. Clone: No, the Father-Creator created me, I do not look like him. Ravashol: Actually, you probably will, in about fifty yahrens - where do you think I got the template for the male clones? Clone: You mean I am of the Father-Creator? Ravashol: Don't get delusions of grandeur - so is every other male clone series. Clone: Oh. Nothing special then, huh? Ravashol: Right. Clone: Bummer. Sheba: Could we get back to the children? Ravashol: Now what's this about children? What children? Apollo: One of our warriors adopted the remaining orphans in the fleet. Several of them took a shuttle out, and got lost. We believe they're somewhere on this planet. Our concern is that, if they become mixed with your children, we won't be able to find them back! Ravashol: Are they all blue-eyed blonds? Apollo: Um, no. Ravashol: Are they wearing the standard clone-attire uniforms? Apollo: Uh, no. Ravashol: Are they mute or too young to tell us who toods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, o the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten yoods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, tic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're phey are? Apollo: Actually, they're all between the ages of seven and twelve yahrens, and they all talk too much, in my estimation. Ravashol: Then I think you can trust me on this, Apollo, finding your children among mine won't be a problem. Sheba: (Relieved.) Then our problem is solved! The children are found, we can tell them apart, and Cassie and Jolly will be thrilled! Ravashol: Actually, your problem isn't solved. Apollo: Why not? Ravashol: We haven't seen your children. Apollo: How do you know? Ravashol: Because I think I'd know if a group of completely strange, talkative children between the ages of seven and twelve, not wearing the clothing of my clones' children, had suddenly appeared among my group of entirely blue-eyed blond children. Apollo: Oh. I guess we go on, then. Kiwi: Uh, I think we should go on faster...that big furry thing with tusks and teeth and hooves is coming down the path at an alarming rate of speed... Everyone: (Glancing back.) Aaaah!!! All start running. Tulook, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, what let you know what's happening on the Galactica just yet! First it's time to celebrate the successful conclusion of a miraculous secton twenty-seven! Without further ado, here's.... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 189 Scene: The echoes of Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny's screams still echo through the trees. Apollo: Guys, don't be so upset! You'll still be groomsmen! Well, Boomer and Bojay, anyway, since I'm having the entire squadron stand up with me. And you commandoes can come to the sealing. Boomer: Z-z-z-zac? Sheba: Is there a bee out there? Apollo: Boomer, you look like you've seen a ghost! Boomer: (Swallowing hard.) Uh ... no.... Apollo: In that case, Boomer, why don't you tell us about that ... that whatever it is that brought you here from the tree in the middle of the grassland surrounded by saurians? Boomer: I can't really tell you about it, Captain.... Apollo: Why not? Boomer: Uh.... Because I don't know anything about it. Sheba: I thought you repaired some of its circuitrylook, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, whatards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yoicking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named theirne in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "I guess you have a choice." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 157 Scene: The woods, turning rapidly into a wide savanna. Boomer, Bojay, and Commandoes Carey (in the red shirt), Kenny, and Kevin stare out from the trees across the grassland. Bojay: I don't like this. Carey: Wow. The grass goes on forever. A sea of grass. Moving grass... Boomer: Must be the wind. Let's go. Bojay: (Faintly, swaying slightly.) I don't think I can deal with this. Boomer: Awh, it's no different than the Caprican Savanna. We just wade out into it... Kenny: It's not water - how can we wade through it? Kevin: And it's taller than we are! If we wade, it'll be over our heads! We won't be able to breathe! We'll drown! We'll die! Boomer: It's grass, it's not water, that was a figure of speech. There's plenty of air. Bojay: I don't think I can deal with this... Boomer: Bojay, why do you keep saying that? Of course you can d's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gate. Boomer: Uh.... Maybe.... I forget. Apollo: You forget? Boomer: Yep, I forget. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Sheba: Wow, it's just like when we were swept up by that Ship of Lights, Apollo, and came back with memories of those particular coordinates, but that's all! Apollo: Yeah, except for Starbuck insisting I was dead. Bojay: Wishful thinking? Apollo: You wish! Good night, Bojay. Bojay: Good night, Apollo. Good night, Sheba. Sheba: Good night, Bojay. Good night, Boomer. Boomer: Good night, Sheba. Good night, Apollo. Pssst, Bojay, Carey, Kenny, we have to talk about everyone else is asleep. Carey: Okay, Boomer. Good night, Apollo. Good night, Sheba. Good night, Cutler. Kenny: No good night for me? Carey: We'll be talking later. I'll say good night then. Kenny: Okay. Good night, Apollo. Good night, Sheba. Good night, Cutler. Cutler: Good night, Carey. Good night, Kenny. Good night, Apollo. Good night, Sheba. Good night, moon. Apollo: Good night, Cutler. Good night, Boomer. Moo's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gateu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the w ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contactings open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kiceal with it. Bojay: No, I can't. Boomer: Why not? Bojay: I...I've been on starships out in space for fifteen years... Boomer: So? Bojay: And before that, I grew up on a moon base. I've never seen anything this wide open. I can't take it, I tell you... Boomer: But we went down on Gamorrah, that was wide-open sky, and you were falling through the middle of it! You managed that! Bojay: It was dark! I couldn't see how wide open it was! And it wasn't grass that was growing over my head - it was a city. Besides, I was with Sheba. I can face anything with her. Boomer: Oh, brother... Kenny: Who are you talking to? Who's your brother? Boomer: Figures of speech are lost on you people, aren't they? Carey: So what're we going to do? Boomer: Bojay, we have to go through the grass. Bojay: Can't we go around it? The warriors and commandoes look around. Kenny: The grass goes forever. There's no way around it. Bojay: Then let's go back the way we came. Boomer: That might work - except the human habitation? What moon? Boomer: Probably the one in the sky. Good night, Apollo. Apollo: You already told me good night. That's enough of this! Good night, everybody, and I don't want to hear any more sounds! Sheba: (Giggle.) Apollo: Cut that out! Bojay, if your sleeping bag is next to hers, I'm going to move you! Bojay: Hey! I'm over here, I'm not over there! Apollo: Good! Cutler: Shouldn't that be good night? Carey: Do you really think we'll ever get everybody else asleep? Boomer: Maybe, maybe not... Sheba: Good night, Apollo. Good night, John Boy. Pause. Apollo: Who's John Boy? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kenny say, "He snores like a turbobuzzsaw on plant vapors." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 190 Scene: Boomer, Bojay, and Kenny (still wearing the ragged remains of the red shirt, as ordered) sneak away from camp, into the woods, to talk privately after everyone is asleep. Boomer: Where's Carey? Kenny: Last I heard, he was snoring. s open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kicoods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the fleek it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but n we're supposed to be seeking out and boldly going toward is out there somewhere, in the grass. Kevin: Wait, what was that? Boomer: What was what? Kevin: Over there! In the grass! Something moved! They all stare out at the grass again. Boomer: Awh, it was probably just the wind again. Kevin: Uh, Lieutenant, there is no wind. There has been no wind the entire time we've been standing here. Boomer: All right, then it was a breeze. Kevin: Oh. Okay. Boomer: Well, Bojay, I guess you have a choice - come through the grass with us, and be part of a group, or stay here, all by yourself, with the breeze and the moving grass. Bojay: That's a choice? Boomer: But the heavily armed commandoes who are trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all kinds of enemies and all kinds of terrains are coming with me, right, guys? Carey: Uh, yeah, right, Boomer. Boomer: Well, Bojay? Bojay: (Faintly.) All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this... To rising strains of ominous music, the quintet heads int Bojay: I heard him snoring too. He snores like a battlestar traveling at factor four! Kenny: I didn't know battlestars snored. But he does snore like a turbobuzzsaw on plant vapors. Bojay: I didn't know turbobuzzsaws used plant vapors. Boomer: Enough! He snores loudly! Why didn't you nudge him awake? Kenny: I tried. Boomer: All right, never mind. I'll talk to him later if we have to. We should be able to figure this out by ourselves. You all heard that Zac is alive, right? Bojay: I think the fact that we all screamed in unison means we all heard it. Boomer: And we all remember that he hasn't been alive since Cimtar, right? Kenny: If you say so. Boomer: Are you questioning it? Kenny: Well, I never knew him, I just heard about him. I just sorta knew he was dead... Bojay: So why'd you scream with us? Kenny: If you were both going to scream, I figured it was all right for me to scream too. Boomer: Something happened while we were traveling with the Doctor that changed our history enough to k it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but look, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, whatt since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!you're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-ruo the grasses, and are soon lost to view... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "That was no loss." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 158 Scene: Our brave warrior team and their accompanying commandoes travel through the midst of a waving sea of rustling tall grasses, taller than the head of our tallest warrior, taller than a Nomen, taller even than a Nomen standing on his tippy-toes. They're keeping each other in sight, sorta, but it ain't easy. Kenny: What was that? Bojay: What was what? Kenny: That? Bojay: Which that? Kevin: Shouldn't it be what that? Kenny: That's what I said, what's that? Bojay: What's what? Boomer: Now cut that out! That's enough! Kevin: What's enough? Boomer: That! Kevin: Which that? Boomer: Not again... Do you want me to tell Cutler on you? Kevin: No, I want you to tell me what it was that I saw moving through these rustling waving grasses! Boomer: I don't know, where was it? Kevin: Back about ten yyou're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-ruhave Zac be alive. We've gotta figure out what that was. And we've got to figure out what else might have changed! Bojay: Well, Apollo knew about Cordelia, and they're still engaged, so how much could have changed? Boomer: That's the question, now, isn't it? Kenny: I think it'll be the question later, too. I mean, we probably won't even think about the kind of changes that might happen until we get back on the Galactica and see them with our own eyes. Bojay: He's right, Boomer. Boomer: No, I'm afraid he's right, Bojay. We'll have to cautiously ask discreet questions when we can, over the rest of this mission, to see what else we can learn - and when we get back to the Galactica, we're all going to have a rabid interest in history, and start reading! Bojay: That's what I agreed! Kenny: History! Ick! I never did good in history. Bojay: Grammar either, huh? Kenny: (Dismally.) Nope. Boomer: Well, this'll be a good chance to catch up, then. Bojay: And what'll we do with then when we've caught Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going in's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gatenning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for romanards. Boomer: Are you sure it wasn't Kenny? Kevin: No, he's about five feet ahead of me -- that red shirt hunched close to the ground is about the only thing that sticks out in all this tall green grass! That's the only trouble with Colonial camo -- it's so hard to spot! Boomer: Isn't that the point? Bojay: I really hate this stuff... Boomer: Actually, Bojay, you should be just fine here. Bojay: Why? Boomer: There's no wide-open space. You're surrounded by grass that grows over your head. It closes in around us, covering us from view above, preventing us from seeing anything more than a few feet in any direction. Bojay: Oh, no... Boomer: Now what? Bojay: I think I'm getting claustrophobic... Boomer: Bojay, how did you ever become a warrior? You can't stand open spaces, you can't stand closed-in spaces-- Bojay: Something about being with Cain just made it all right! Boomer: Oh, brother... Kevin: Where's your brother? Boomer: No, I don't have a brother, how many times do I have to tell yonning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for romanit? Boomer: We'll have to figure out a way to go and set it right. Kenny: But the Doctor left, and you don't have your temporal communicator any more! How are we going to get whenever and wherever we need to go to set it right? Boomer: I used that thing enough, I should be able to build one for myself - Dr. Wilker will help me. We can always count on him. And if not him, he's got that assistant, Dr. Barbarella, I think she'll help, too. Kenny: If either of them still exists in this time stream. Bojay: What if the way things are now is better than the way things used to be now? Kenny: Yeah, what if that happens? Can we keep this now instead of our own now? Or do we still have to go back when and wherever to undo the now and try to set the now back to what it should be now? Boomer: (Sternly.) We go back. Remember, that was one of the things the Doctor told us _ never mess with the time stream, you never know what could happen. Bojay: I bet it was the Daleks - they'd love to screw up our hist the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress completes open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kictic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're pu that? The grasses rustle all around them. There is no answer. Carey: Kevin? Kevin, where are you? There is a long moment of silence except for the sound of rustling grasses. Okay, so it wasn't very silent, it was noisy and rustly and there is definitely something moving around. Carey: I think we lost Kevin. Bojay: That's no loss. Boomer: Oh, he's with you? Bojay: No, he's not with me. Boomer: Then why'd you say he's not lost? Bojay: I didn't say he's not lost, I just said that it was no loss. Talk about not understanding figures of speech... Boomer: Bojay, shut up. Kevin? Where are you? Kevin? There is no answer as they stand in the midst of the waving, rustling, tall green grass. Then something gets louder... Bojay: Uh-oh, something's coming... Everyone: Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "Do you hear that?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 159 Scene: Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi are making their way through the wtic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're pory and play with our minds! It's just the kind of thing they would do! Boomer: (Sigh.) Well, there's nothing else we can do tonight. We might as well to get some sleep.... The warriors and commando head back to camp. From the darkness behind a tree beside where they were standing, comes the sound of malevolent laughter. (The idiots didn't bother to check and make sure they were alone. Of course it's a standard plot device - where would bad guys be without them?) Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 191 Scene: One of the dimly-lit secret passages in the castle, where Starbuck, Kyle, and Miri continue their attempt to escape from Lucifer and the Cylon centurions who have also made their way into the passages. Miri: It feels like we've been running for centars! Starbuck: It feels more like we've been running for a whole day! Kyle: You're both lousy ly anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwomek it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but icking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named theiroods, heading south, when the come to the edge of the trees and discover...water. Jolly: (Very cheerful.) Hey, a river! A big river! Cal: Was this on our scanners? Kimi: I don't remember it... Cassie: But I don't like rivers! Jolly: Don't worry, I do. I love the water. Water in glasses, water in swimming pools, water in rivers, water in oceans... Kimi: Why don't you like water, Cassie? Cassie: I can't swim. Jolly: That's okay, honey, you can hang onto me, I can swim anything. Cassie: (Smiling sunnily in relief.) I knew I could count on you. Cal: (Staring at the water.) Hey, those look like Scorpian turbo- toothed piscines! Jolly: No problem for me... Kimi: Ooh, ugh, nasty. They've got teeth that gnaw a person to the bone within fifteen microns! Cal: (Squinting across the river.) Shouldn't be a problem -- it only looks to be about ten microns across... Kimi: No, time, not distance! Cal: (Reconsidering.) We'd never make it. Cassie: So much for swimming. Kimi: So what'll we do? Cal: Hey, icking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named theirtimekeepers. We've been running for over a day. Starbuck: How can you tell? Kyle: By my wrist chron. Don't you have one? Starbuck: Oh, I forgot. Hmm, you're right. The little glow-in-the- dark numbers do say it's been over a day... Wait a centon! My wrist chron says it's the middle of the night! Doesn't that mean we've been running for two whole days? Kyle: No, it means you never reset it from fleet time for planetary time! Starbuck: Uh ... oh. Kyle: Trust me on the time thing, okay? Lucifer: (From somewhere behind them.) After them, Centurions! They went this way! Centurion #1: (From somewhere behind them.) Are you sure they did not go that way? Centurion #2: (From somewhere behind them.) I could have sworn I saw them go the other way. Lucifer: (Still behind them, but not as far.) They didn't go that way. They didn't go the other way. They went this way! Miri: (Whispering.) Quick, let's take this side passage! Miri and Kyle duck into the side passage. Starbuck continues on, still fiddln carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks ayou're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-ru ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contactinglook, there's a raft conveniently hidden here in the underbrush! With a steering pole! Jolly: Great! Then we don't have to get in the water. (Sighing.) Although some of us wouldn't mind that, piscines or no piscines. But, to keep my precious Cassiopeia safe from the tubro-toothed piscines, we'll take the raft. Cassie: Darling, you're always thinking of me first, and I love you for it. They all board the raft, and Jolly pushes off with the pole, which catches in the mud. Jolly: Oops! There went the pole... The raft begins to drift downstream in the slow, wide current. Cassie: What'll do now? Cal: I guess we'd better paddle! Kimi: Where're the paddles? Cal: There aren't any paddles! Kimi: Then where're the oars? Cal: There aren't any oars either! Jolly: You don't have any with you? Cal: No, we didn't expect to have to take a raft across a river! Jolly: And you call yourselves commandoes... Cassie: What kind of raft doesn't have oars or paddles? Jolly: This kind, I guess. Kimi: Wait, what ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contactinging with his wrist chron. Starbuck: Ah-ha! I finally got it reset - and it wasn't easy, in this light! (Long pause.) Uh, Kyle? Miri? Where are you? Centurion #1: (From somewhere not too far behind him.) I hear footsteps in this direction. Centurion #2: (From somewhere not too far behind him.) You are mistaken. I hear footsteps ahead of us. Centurion #3: (From somewhere not too far behind him.) Perhaps they have split up to deceive us. Lucifer: (From somewhere not too far behind him.) You Centurions are so limited! Split up and follow them! Centurion #1: (Still behind him.) By your command. Centurion #2: (Still behind him.) If you insist. Centurion #3: (Getting farther away.) I will go that way. Lucifer: (Closing fast.) You're going back the way we came! That's the wrong way! Centurion #3: (Farther away.) But I know there are no human ghosts or Cylon mummies this way. Lucifer: (Still closing.) Coward! You two, follow me! We must be close to them! Starbuck: (Muttering.) Oh, no, what'll I do nd rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss mnning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for roman him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the flee's that? Cal: What? Where? Do we have paddles after all? Jolly: No, it sounds like...a waterfall! Cassie: I knew I didn't like water! All look at each other as they realize they have neither paddles nor oars, and the sound of the waterfall is getting closer. All: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Where is everybody?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 160 Scene: The woods, early morning, where Starbuck and Kyle are approaching the castle. What can be seen of the castle is surrounded by a moat; the drawbridge is down; the gates are open. Nobody's moving around. Starbuck: Things look pretty quiet. Where is everybody? Kyle: Well, it is early in the morning. And we're still adjusting from Antilla time. Unlike somebody who shall remain nameless, we're not tied to chronometers. We know it's morning when the sun comes up, and evening when it goes down. Starbuck: Let's change the subject. Do you always leave your castle gate him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the fleenow? The Cylons are closing on me, I've lost Miri and Kyle, and I think I've lost myself, too! Lucifer: (Very close now.) I hear one of the humans! Prepare your weapons! Starbuck: I can't get any more lost than I already am! I think I've seen every tunnel in this place in the last day! I might as well keep running! Lucifer: (Right behind him.) It is Starbuck! Capture him, Centurions! Starbuck: I can see a light at the end of the tunnel! Feet, don't fail me now! The Cylons close fast - yes, amazingly, this bunch can actually run. Their hands reach out for him, nearly snagging his jacket - wait a centon, that's right, he's not wearing a jacket. He's not wearing a shirt at all.... Okay, so they reach for his shoulder, getting closer, closer.... He can feel their hot breath on his neck.... No, that's right, they don't have breath.... Okay, the hot, thick stench of their overworked lubrication oil sears his nostrils.... Starbuck rushes out into the light and looks around wildly for cover, the y plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stuftic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're pt since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!s open at night? Kyle: No, we close the gates, and we pull up the drawbridge and we drop the portcullis too, and we let the turbo-toothed piscines loose in the moat. Drat. It's Nilz' responsibility to close the gates and pull up the drawbridge. Starbuck: How about the portcullis? Kyle: That too. Starbuck: (Peering into the moat.) And the turbo-toothed piscines? Kyle: That's Ariadne's responsibility. She's good with piscines. Starbuck: (Doing a doubletake.) She's good with piscines? Kyle: Yes. Starbuck: How can a person be good with piscines? Kyle: (Shrugs.) That's Ariadne. Good at the unexpected. Takes after our mother that way. Nobody slings shot like she slingshots. Well, let's go in and see what's going on. Somebody's going to get a piece of my mind. Starbuck: Are you sure that's a good idea? Kyle: (Defensively.) I've got plenty to spare. Starbuck: No, I mean, is it a good idea to go in and see what's going on? Kyle: Oh, I suppose you as a warrior would rather find the back door, kict since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!Cylons at his heels. He quickly notes something is wrong. Glancing down, he discovers the secret passage ends two stories up - and down below, two stories below, is the moat. Behind him, the Cylons have just noticed the same thing. Starbuck, Centurions, and Lucifer: Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie say, "I never knew you were such a swinger." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 192 Scene: Somewhere in the woods. Jolly, Cassie, Cal, and Kimi have given up footslogging along the ground, and are now traveling through the treetops, using vines and branches to cover ground ... uh, air ... uh, space, more quickly. Cal and Kimi use their own vines, while Cassie clings to Jolly as they fly, in the most sweet, romantic, jungle movie hero and heroine swing-off-into-the- sunset style. Cassie: Wow, Jolly, I never knew you were such a swinger! Jolly: There's a lot you still don't know about me, Cassie. That's one of the joys of being marrif again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tiniicking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named their Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going ink it in, go in with lasers drawn, and scare everybody! Starbuck: Of course! That's what warriors do! Don't you remember me telling you about Carillon? Kyle: Yes - twelve times. You don't have to tell me again. Let's go! Starbuck: Hm, that's an awful narrow drawbridge... Kyle: Easier to defend. Kyle and Starbuck cross the narrow drawbridge and enter the castle yard. No one's in sight. Starbuck: Say, what do you need so much protection for, anyway? A gate, a drawbridge, a portcullis, a moat filled with turbo- toothed piscines... Kyle: Actually, that's just the front; it makes a good show. We've got a nice cozy little keep behind the wall and a grove of fruit trees and several fields in the back. Starbuck: Let me get this straight, we could've just gone around the moat and the wall and not taken the drawbridge at all? Kyle: Yes. But the secret is, nobody else knows that! So they all think they have to come in the front door! Starbuck: *I* thought we should go in the back door! Kyle: Yes, but Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going ined to each other. We get to spend the rest of our lives learning all these little things. Cassie: And I look forward to learning every one of them.... Audience: Awh.... Kimi: You too, Cal. You're a regular George of the Jungle! Cal: Don't you mean Tarzan? Kimi: No, I mean George. Look out for that- Cal hits the tree, but miraculously does not bash his brains out. Kimi: Tree. See what I mean? Cal: (Sorta cross-eyed.) Ooooohhhhh ... my head.... Kimi pauses to help Cal back onto his vine. Meanwhile, Cassie and Jolly have reached the end of the trees. Jolly: Oops! That's the end of the swinging - there's no more vines. Cassie: What is there? Jolly: There's a beach with a lot of sand, and there's an ocean with a lot of water. Cassie: More water! What'll we do now? Kimi and Cal catch up. Cal: Oh, no, what happened to the vines? Kimi: There are no more vines, Cal. Cal: Where did they go? Did they run away from home like the kids did? Kimi: No, we reached the edge of the forest, and it gave waya: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contacting the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress completeyou're a warrior. Starbuck: What if the Cylons come? Kyle: The tinsel-teeth are too stupid to look for a back door. They'd try to come in the front door, across the moat. Starbuck: You know, turbo-toothed piscines probably aren't going to have much effect on a Cylon... Kyle: Hmm, you may be right. I'll have to talk to Ariadne about that... Starbuck: (Looking around.) Why do I feel like I'm being stared at? Lucifer: (In a silky voice from behind them.) Because you are. Hello, warrior Starbuck, how good to see you again... Kyle and Starbuck: (Immediately turning and clinging to each other at the sight of a dozen Cylon centurions.) Aaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the journalator say, "Meanwhile, back on the Galactica..." ________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, having finally regained control of IFB. As we all know, as we conclude the twenty-third secton episode of our longest-ru the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress complete to beach and ocean, Cal. Cal: (Weaving a little.) Oooh, look at the pretty water! And there's so much of it! I wish it would stop moving.... Kimi: It's just waves, Cal. Cal: Should I wave back? The foursome stand on the beach, staring out at the beautiful ocean. They don't notice they're being surrounded - well, surrounded on the beach and forest side, not the water side, that's only three sides, but since there's nowhere else for them to go, they're effectively surrounded. Damian: Ahem. The adults jump and look around, the commandoes automatically grabbing for weapons - which, since they lost them two days ago when they went over the falls, they don't have. Surrounding them on three sides are a collection of ... children. Half naked; painted in garish designs of red, blue, yellow, and green; carrying sharp pointed spears pointed menacingly at the warrior, the med tech, and the commandos; accompanied by two large, snarling, growling daggits. Kimi: Lords of Kobol, what in blazes are they? him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the fleely anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwomediscreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adamnning IFB series, things look dire for our warriors and the rescue mission. Apollo and Sheba are being pursued by something with tusks, teeth, and hooves. Boomer and Bojay are already short one team member and are lost in the grasslands with something closing in on them. Cassie and Jolly are on a raft, up the river without a paddle, heading for a waterfall, surrounded by turbo-toothed piscines. Starbuck has discovered that Lucifer has taken over the castle. Meanwhile, back on the Galactica... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 161 Scene: The Galactica, soaring majestically through space, her fleet trailing behind like so many stupid geese who can't be bothered to watch out for traffic. Vipers try valiantly to keep them all in formation and handle sentry duty around them. Viper pilot: Oops. Wingman: What ship did you hit this time? Viper pilot: The Loveboatica. Wingman: Again? Didn't somebody hit them last patrol? Viper pilot: Their captain keeps saying something about sneaking away for romanly anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwome Cassie: (As if she's about to cry.) Oh, no, it looks more like our children have turned into the lords of the flies! Jolly: Could be worse - they could be turning into the lords of the rings! Cassie: That's true, that would be more dangerous. Kimi: I don't know - I like that book better.... And it's got great heroes! They could be great heroes! Cal: Kimi, these are Jolly and Cassie's children. What do you think? Kimi: (Fatalistically.) They'd be orcs. We're in trouble.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear a Cylon say, "Oil ... can...." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 193 Scene: The moat, in front of the castle. Starbuck splashes helplessly in the water. On the bank, Miri and Kyle watch. Kyle: I guess he found his own way out after all. Starbuck: Help! Help! I'm drowning! I'm being sucked under! I'm being devoured alive by turbo-toothed piscines! Miri: Try standing up. Starbuck: How will that...? (He stands up; the water comes to his kt since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!n carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks atic moonlight cruises. Wingman: Where do they think they are, Carillon? Viper pilot: Well, what can you expect from a ship named Loveboatica? Wingman: Good point. Okay, call another repair detail. Viper pilot: I think half the fleet's damage repair personnel are already there... And on the bridge of the Galactica, Tigh paces. Tigh: Omega, what news from our patrols? Omega: One of Green Squadron's pilots reports the Loveboatica was out of formation again, with the usual results - they've called for a repair team. Sir, I'd like to volunteer- Rigel: Colonel, I'd like to volunteer too- Tiki: Wait, no, me, I want to volunteer- Other crewmen, all together: Colonel- Tigh: That's it! There will be no more volunteering on this bridge! We've sent more than enough personnel to the Loveboatica to keep her repaired for twenty yahrens! Somebody has to stay here to keep this ship going and I'm not doing it alone! Now, back to business. What else do the patrols report? Omega: (Sulking.) They're pa is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian children carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks a Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going inicking up a ghost signal. Tigh: A ghost signal? On, no! We just got done dealing with the spectral dire daggit, what else are we going to have to face? The ghost of what? Omega: Uh, they're not sure... Tigh: (Staring at him narrowly.) What aren't you telling me? Omega: Uh... Tigh: Make a full report, Flight Officer! That's an order! Omega: Sir... Uh, they say... It, uh, looks like a signal from a battlestar, Colonel. Tigh: (Relieved.) Oh, you mean they've picked up the Miri Feathers echo again? You'd think by now our pilots would realize that there are two ships in this fleet that look like battlestars, and they'd stop panicking every time they spot the Miri Feathers ship... (Beat.) I wish they'd name that ship so I could call it something besides the Miri Feathers ship every time we have to talk about it or contact it or speak to Commander Princess Gabrielle... Omega: No, sir... Tigh: You don't want them to name their ship? Omega: Of course it would make things simpler if they named theirn. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to nd rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss m ship, but- Tigh: But what? Omega: It's not the Miri Feather ship this time. Tigh: It's not? Well, what else could it be? The commline suddenly starts sputtering gibberish for a few microns, then a familiar face forms on the screen. Cain: This is Commander Cain, calling the Galactica. Where are you, Adama, you old war daggit? Don't you have time to say hello to an old friend? Tigh: (Staring at the screen.) Aaaaah! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Commander Cain say, "But it's the middle of the morning!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 162 Scene: The fleet, the bridge of the Galactica. Tigh collapses into the nearest chair, gibbering. Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Omega: (Heroically jumping into the midst of the situation and valiantly saving the day.) Rigel, call Commander Adama! Commander Cain, this is Flight Officer Omega. Commander Adama is off the bridge at the moment - it's his sleep period - but we're contactinginfiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what we the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress completey plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stufnees.) Oh. It's not very deep, is it? Kyle: No. It didn't have to be deep. And it was too much work to dig. Starbuck: Then why'd you bother? Kyle: It just had to look threatening. Starbuck: But what about the turbo-toothed piscines that infest its waters? Why aren't they eating me alive? Miri: Ariadne didn't release them yesterday morning. Starbuck: Why not? Miri: Well, in the middle of the Cylons attacking and me pretending to help them and having to escape through the secret passages and all, she forgot. Starbuck: (Wading to shore.) For once, I'm glad of a girl's forgetfulness.... Well, more than once.... Miri: Me, too. Kyle: What? How can be glad that Ariadne shirked her responsibility and neglected to contribute to the defense of our new castle home? Miri: Kyle, get over it. The piscines were a silly idea anyway. Kyle: Miri, how can you talk that way about our home? Our castle? Our stronghold and refuge against the cruel outside world? Miri: The moat only goes halfway around, the ba him as we speak. In the meantime, let me welcome you back to the fleet on his behalf- Cain: (Glancing at his wrist chron.) He's on sleep period? But it's the middle of the morning! Omega: Actually, Commander, here it's the middle of the night. Cain: But when we left the fleet at Gamorrah, we synchronized our wrist chrons! We were both on time! (Shakes wrist.) Dang, I must be gaining time again. Well, that does explain why my crew have been complaining that their meal centars and sleep periods seem too short. Not that I've ever let that bother me, of course. If I'm still hungry, I keep eating. If my sleep period's too short, I just sleep longer. That's the kind of commander I am, I never let time - or anything else - get in the way of what I want to do. Omega: So I've heard, sir. Cain: When I want to get something, I get it. When I want to do something, I do it. When I'm ready for battle, by gum, there's a battle! Omega: Yes, sir. Cain. (Briskly.) So, Omega, how are things going in the flee were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk aboly anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwomend rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss mf again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tinick side is completely open and unwalled, it's as cold and drafty as our last castle was, and it's more secret passages then actual living space - this place was never more than you and Father's idea of something out of a medieval Arthurian sword-and-sorcery epic anyway! The rest of us never liked it. Kyle: What's wrong with medieval Arthurian sword-and-sorcery epics? Miri: Nothing! Unless you have to live it! Oh, let's just go find the rest of the family.... As Starbuck prepares to follow, he hears a sound. Centurion: Oil ... can.... Glancing back at the water, Starbuck spots Lucifer in the moat, standing on top of one of his two centurions, both of which are stuck in the mud and the water. Lucifer glares at Starbuck. Lucifer: Well, don't just stand there, get me out of here! Starbuck: Get out yourself. I did. Lucifer: I can't. If I get wet, I'll short-circuit. Starbuck: Have one of your centurions carry you. Meanwhile, I'll be making tracks out of here! Lucifer: They can't! They're rustedt since I left? Have things fallen apart? Is everyone in the fleet desperate for salvation? Are you in need of a hero, a bold warrior tactician to lead you from the dark doldrums of despair and defeat into the bright glad, golden light of triumph and victory? Omega: Actually, sir... Adama: (Rushing onto the bridge, wearing his robe.) All right, why did you wake me up in the middle of my sleep period? If this is another one of Tigh's drills to make him feel like he's in charge, I'm going to make him wish he'd never become executive officer! Rigel: Psst, sir, look at the screen! Adama: The screen? What's on the screen? There's nothing there but stars! Rigel: Not the star screen, sir, the comm screen! Adama: The comm screen? Why- Why, that looks like Cain! Who posted that old communique there? All right, Tigh, is this your idea of a practical joke? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Adama: I can see that it's Cain, what I want to know is- Cain: Adama, nice robe! Good color for you!ut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now tn carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks ay plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stufa: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and solid! Starbuck: That quickly? (Relents.) Oh, all right. A Cylon once carried me through a swamp, I can carry you through the water. (Wades in.) Lucifer: Thank you, Starbuck. Of course, you realize I'll continue my efforts to capture you and destroy your fleet as soon as I'm out of here. Starbuck: I expected as much. That's why I'm doing ... this. He gives Lucifer a push. The IL-series Cylon falls backward off his Centurion perch with a shriek, hits the water with a splash, and as promised, short-circuits in an amazing techni-colored display of lightning and sparks - and a jolt of energy which courses through the moat, and which would have killed the turbo- toothed piscines if they'd been there. Starbuck: Yikes! (Jumps around as his boots smoke - fortunately, he's got rough, tough Colonial warrior boots that can handle the energy discharge, and the water immediately puts the fires out.) That hurt! Centurion: Oil ... can.... Starbuck: Forget it. Centurion: If you help me, I will become yound rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss mhat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a fa Adama: Good color...? Cain never said that! All right, who's been playing with the vocal synthesizer? Cain: Adama, it's me, it's not a voice synthesizer. Adama: Really? It's really you? Cain: Yes. Adama: It's really you... Cain: That's what I said. Why is everyone having such a hard time believing I'm back? Adama: Well, those three Cylon base stars at Gamorrah and the fact that you didn't bother to call us afterward may have had something to do with it... Cain: Pish-posh! What's three Cylon base stars to an old war daggit like me? And I couldn't call because...because my communication systems went down in the battle, that's why. Adama: And you didn't come back, either. Cain: Um...navigation and control problems. Yeah, that's it. We had damage to our comm and steering and navigation and all kinds of other systems at Gamorrah, right crew? There is a rousing echo of affirmative cheers from the bridge of the Pegasus. Cain: So I couldn't call and I couldn't come back. We had to keep going inf again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tinidiscreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adamr loyal and devoted friend and companion. Starbuck: Oh, come on, what do you think this is, G80? Forget it! Starbuck turns away, wades out of the water, and follows the still arguing Miri and Kyle. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cassie demand, "What kind of babysitter are you?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 194 Scene: The children's beach, where the shuttle sits neatly to one side, and life goes on as comfortably as it can for a dozen children and one old man in a place as peaceful and close to paradise as we're ever going to get this side of life. Dennis: (Runs into camp.) Grampa Cham, Grampa Cham! Come see what we found! Chameleon comes out of the shuttle, and the other children come out of their treehouses and out of their personal, rocked-in swimming section of the beach, gathering around. The daggit droids bark in their irritating mechanical fashion, underfoot and in the midst of the children. Chameleon: Cassiopeia! Jolly! Youy plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stufint. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly ca: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and the same direction until we could effect repairs - and that happened to be away from the fleet. A long way away. So, shall I hop a shuttle and come on over, just like old times? Adama: Uh...certainly. I'll have some ambrosa ready. Welcome back, Cain... The screen goes dark. The bridge crew stares solemnly at Adama. Adama: By all that's holy... I don't suppose this is all a bad dream? Tigh: It's Cain... It's Cain... It's Cain... Tune in for the next exciting episode of Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "What kind of ego trip are you on?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 163 Scene: The Galactica landing bay. Bay personnel scurry about making sure everything is shipshape. Adama and Omega arrive , the commander still in his dressing gown. Omega: He's not here yet. Maybe you would have had time to dress after all, sir. Adama: No, I didn't want to wake Tin- uh, I didn't want to disturb people, by running through the corridors. And there really wasn't time to dress completea is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian childre're here! Children: Mama Cass! Papa Jo! You're here, you're here! Cassie: Oh, my babies! (Gathers the children and begins bestowing hugs and kisses on the foreheads and cheeks.) Jolly: Hi, Chameleon. Looks like you've managed to keep everybody alive and well here. Where'd you get the daggits? Chameleon: I'm not sure. They just appeared. They might have been on the shuttle, or they might have come from here - but they haven't left, and the children love them. Cassie: (Reproachfully.) Our children are half-naked, painted, allowed to run with sharp pointy things, following people in the forest alone, picking up stray daggits, and accosting strangers. Chameleon, what kind of babysitter are you? Chameleon: Well, I think I'm at least as good a babysitter as I am a father.... Cassie: (Shuddering.) Considering Starbuck, I may never let you babysit our angels again! Jolly: Don't say that too quickly, honey, there aren't a lot of people willing to take on the job any more! Chameleon: I told them to kdiscreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adamame out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravashof again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tinily anyway. Omega: If you say so, sir... Adama: Did Dr. Salik have any idea how long it would be before Tigh might come out of his catatonic stupor? Omega: He wasn't sure, sir. But with the cumulative stress effect of the upcoming elections, Siress Belloby running for office and deciding to stay on the Galactica, Siress Tinia leading in the polls, and now the arrival of Commander Cain, he said it could be quatrons! Adama: What's a quatron? Omega: I don't know, sir, but that's what it said in the script. Adama: I understand. Well, you certainly made it sound convincing. Omega: Thank you, sir. I try to make it sound like I always know what I'm talking about. Adama: At any rate, it could be a long time before I have an executive officer again. Omega: If you're looking for volunteers, sir, I'm certainly willing to do my part. Adama: I'll keep you in mind, Omega. They watch and wait for several centons. Finally, the Pegasus shuttle arrives. The first people out are a dozen crewmen and crewwomen. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to eep their clothes on, but they want to be like the grown-ups. They do idolize Starbuck, you know. Kimi: What was that about Starbuck? Chameleon: They idolize him? Kimi: No, before that, what she said. Cassie: Uh, nothing. Just a little slip of the tongue. Kimi: Hmmm.... Children: We love our Grampa Cham! Jolly: And the children do love their Grampa Cham. Cassie: Oh, all right. I forgive you Chameleon, you old rascal you. Damian: Come on, Mama Cass, I wanna show you our swimming beach! Spif: Papa Jo, I wanna show you our treehouses! Luna: I wanna show you our swinging vines! Dennis: I wanna show you the rock collection we started! Renfield: And our bug collection too! Cassie: Now, now, children, we don't have time to look at everything. Let's get that shuttle loaded back up and get back to the fleet! I hate to think how many naps and snacks you've all missed! Let's get all that old paint washed off, then you can gather any souvenirs you want to bring with you - I know children can't travea is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian children carrying bags, wearing somewhat unusual uniforms. Adama: Who're they? That uniform isn't regulation. And are those weapons cases they're carrying? Omega: I don't know, sir. Commander Cain didn't say anything about bringing a commando team... Adama: Why would he need to bring a commando team? Omega: I don't know, sir, but those bags are certainly large enough to contain commando gear and weaponry. And as you noticed, the uniforms are extremely...nonstandard. The Pegasus crew form a line and being opening their bags, pulling out huge pom-poms. Meanwhile, Cain exits his shuttle and strikes a heroic pose on the steps, chin jutting, swagger stick raised. Pegasus Cheerleaders (for between the pom-poms, the unstandard uniforms, and the cheering, it's now obvious that's what they are): Woo-hoo! Three cheers for Cain, three cheers for Cain! C-A- I-N, Cain, Cain, Cain! Yay, Cain! Wooo! The uniformed cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and begin a routine of jumps and springs and cartwheels and kicks aa: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and l: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethiinfiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what wen. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to discreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adaml without collecting all kinds of useless stuff that'll sit in drawers and boxes and shelves collecting dust for the next twenty yahrens but will be too vitally precious to throw away if I even mention getting rid of it. But the bug collection stays here, no ifs, ands, or buts. Come on, now.... (Herds them all into the shuttle, the children chattering away at Cassie and she apparently hearing and understanding every single one of them.) Jolly: (Fondly.) She's got such a way with children.... Kimi: (Shuddering.) It's not human, the way they obey her... Cal: (Nudging her.) Don't say that too loud. You don't know what could happen. Kimi: Like what? Cal: I don't want to find out.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Kimi ask, "What happened to Kevin?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 195 Scene: Apollo and Boomer's combined team trudges across a clearing. A strange sound, neither bird call nor rustle of windblown branches, fills the air, and tng horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk abodon't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commandehey all start looking around, weapons at the ready. Carey: Look! In the sky! What's that? Sheba: Is it a bird? Cutler: Is it a plane? Bojay: Is it a man impossibly flying on his own, wearing ridiculous red and blue spandex? Apollo: No, it looks like a shuttle! Sheba: It's coming our way! Bojay: What is that beeping noise? Cutler: It's our communicatron. Why don't you answer it? Bojay: Oh! That's right! I'd forgotten what one sounds like.... Sheba: Bojay, you sound like you'd been gone for sectars instead of just two days! Bojay: Well.... Apollo: Give me that. (Grabs the communicatron.) This is Captain Apollo. Who's there? Kenny: No, he's not. Boomer: Shhh! Jolly: (Over speaker.) Hey, Skipper! I thought we'd homed in on you. We found Chameleon and the kids. Apollo: Jolly! It's good to hear your voice. We were worrying that something might have happened to your. Now explain why in Hades you haven't bothered to check in over the last two days? Jolly: We lost our communicatrons in the watut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now ta is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian childreinfiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what wend rolls and ultimately form a human pyramid in the bay. Omega: Wow! That's athletic! Adama: That's ridiculous! Cain, what kind of ego trip are you on? Cain: It's not an ego trip, Adama - it's a victory trip! I've got a new plan to take out the entire Cylon Empire. But we don't want to discuss it here- Adama: We don't want to discuss it here, there, or anywhere! Cain: Just wait'll you hear the details. Adama: I don't want to hear the details! Cain, what in Sagan's name are you doing with cheerleaders? Cain: They're not cheerleaders - they're a pep squad and honor guard! Good job, warriors! The cheerleaders...uh, pep squad and honor guard, breaks formation, only dropping the girl on the top. Girl on top: *Shriek* Ooof! Ouch! I told you all if that ever happened again... Quickly grabbing their bags and pom-poms, the squad heads back into the shuttle, the girl on top hobbling along after the rest, still yelling in indignation and rubbing her sore backside. Cain: Now, Adama, let's go discuss mr Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. erfall. Along with our weapons and our other supplies. We'll explain it all when we set down.... Apollo: Oh. I guess in that case I won't put you on report for insubordination and failure to keep your mission superior informed of your progress on a mission. The team waits while the shuttle lands near them; the hatch opens, and Jolly, Cassie, Chameleon, and the others all come rushing out for heartfelt greetings, etc. The daggits come out too, yipping away. Apollo: (Horrified.) Daggits! What are you doing with daggits? Don't you remember Commander Adama explaining why we don't have daggits, we don't want daggits, and we have extreme penalties for creating them or bringing them aboard? Jolly: (Shrugging.) They were with the kids when we found 'em, Skipper. I don't know where they came from. Apollo: Chameleon! I should have known somebody like you would have daggits against orders- Chameleon: I have no idea where they came - they certainly aren't mine. The children just announced that they'd fn. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to hat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a fa were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk aboy plan... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Cain, it's not what you think." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 164 Scene: Commander Adama's quarters. Cain enters, dragging Adama by the arm. Adama: Actually, Cain, we could just as well - even better - meet in the briefing room or the council chambers! We don't have to come here! Cain: Don't be ridiculous, Adama. We want to keep this personal and private until we finalize the details. This is the best place to ensure that. Besides, I happen to know this is where you keep your private stash of aged ambrosa, and if you think I'm going to settle for the cheap stuff in the O Club at a time like this, you're mistaken. Adama: Uh... Isn't it an odd time for ambrosa? It's the middle of sleep period! Cain: No, it's the middle of the morning. Adama: You're on the Galactica, you're on Galactica time! Cain: You're not going to pull that fleet commander rank and president of the Council stufApollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, ound them, and they've been hanging around ever since. Sheba: Oh, no, what are we going to do about the daggits? Apollo: We'll leave them to the Commander to decide. Cassie: You can't leave them! What'll they do without children to care for and play with and sleep beside and guard in the dead of night? And my children will be devastated without them! Apollo: No, we'll take them back to the fleet with us, we have no choice about that. I mean, we'll let the Commander decide what's to be done with them. Kimi: (Looking around.) Hey, what happened to Kiwi? Sheba: She stayed with Dr. Ravashol - I think she's in love. Kimi: She falls in love on a daily basis. But at least I won't have her following me around any more, wanting to be just like me and do just what I do. She was a good sister but a lousy commando. Cutler: Tell me about it. Kimi: And what about Kevin? Kenny: Oh, he got killed and eaten by saurians in the grasslands. Kimi: Oh, no! Cal: (Giving Kimi a significant look and a nudge.) See infiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what weut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now tint. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly cf again, are you? Adama: Well, I am the fleet commander and the president of the Council! And we should be meeting in the briefing room. Cain: Adama- Adama: Cain- Tinia: (Coming out of the next room, also clad in a dressing robe.) Commanders, please! Cain: I remember you! You're Siress Tinia! You were on the Council! Tinia: And I still am! Cain: What are you doing here? Adama: Uh...I wanted a representative of the Council here when you began outlining your plan to destroy the Cylon Empire. Cain: In a dressing robe? Tinia: Uh...I didn't have time to dress. Cain: I can see that! You ran through the ship in your dressing robe? Adama: Cain, it's not what you think... Cain: Weren't you concerned about a loss of dignity and decorum in ordinary crewmen seeing you that way? I mean, people could get the wrong idea, seeing one of their Council members running through the ship in a dressing robe! They might think there was an emergency, that something was wrong! They might react with panic! Tiniyou just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp what happened to Kevin? I told you not to say anything about Cassie having inhuman abilities, like controlling children. Kimi: (Turning pale.) But why? What did Kevin do? Cal: He made a pass at Cassie at the beginning of the mission. And you'll notice he's the one who got eaten by fierce native creatures with big teeth and bigger appetites.... Chameleon: Say, where's my s.... Where's my friend Starbuck? You didn't come here to rescue these children and lose my ch.... And lose Starbuck, did you? Apollo: (Trying hard to get away from the collection of children and yipping daggits around him.) Well, we aren't sure where he is at the moment.... But we'll find him too. After all, we found the children, didn't we? Cal: Is this a good time to mention that they found us? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I've missed you." _________________________________________________________________ "This is Journalator Koppel, with breaking ame out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravasho were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk abohat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a faa: Nobody saw me running through the ship in my dressing robe. I am absolutely positively certain of that. Cain: That's good, anyway. We've got to maintain the public image of our civilian and military leaders to keep up the people's trust in our ability to lead them and protect them from our enemies. Adama: With cheerleaders? Cain: Honor guard and pep squad! To inspire the populace! Adama: Right. Tinia: (Smoothly, pulling a bottle of ambrosa and several chalices out from behind her back and setting them on the desk.) Commanders, why don't we sit down and begin reviewing the purpose of this meeting? Commander Adama, I hope you don't mind, but I brought some ambrosa to help keep the situation relaxed and smooth. Commander Cain, would you do us the honor and pour? Cain: Certainly, Siress! Tinia: Thank you. Adama: (Under his breath.) Tinia, how'd you know we were coming? Tinia: Omega called ahead. Adama: How did he know? Tinia: (Smiling mysteriously.) He's a very intelligent, observant, and or whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." news from the rescue mission. The children have been found. Repeat, the children have been found. Now, while normally this would be grounds for a fleet-wide alert, please be assured they are not yet returning, as the mission must now adjust its focus to finding Starbuck, the lost warrior. While we wait for news on this heart-stopping turn of events- Six Viper techs rush onto the set, sobbing wildly and wailing in despair. Maggie: Is it true? Is he lost? Our universe is shattered! Vaughn: They've got to find him, they've got to! Patti: We don't know what we'll do if they don't find him! Cathi: They must use every resource to bring him back safe! Betty: Life won't be worth living without him! Laura: Please, please, promise you won't let them come back without him! Koppel: (Trying to disengage from the clinging, pleading techs.) Techs, please-! Security, get in here! Videolater, quick! Show the twenty-eighth secton episode of- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 196 Scene: The woods, where Stal: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethiut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now tint. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly cdiscreet young man who keeps the best interests of his commander and our people foremost in his decisions. Adama: Hmm, maybe he'd be an even better executive officer than I thought. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama snore. "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 165 Scene: Adama's quarters. Cain is in the midst of outlining his grand plan to retake the Colonies and wipe out the Cylon Empire forever. Cain: (Gesturing wildly.) ...And at that point, we send in Rho Team to take over the secondary manufacturing bay, thereby wiping out any remaining Cylon ability to create more centurions. At that point, we've got control of their leader, their military capacity, their communications and computer systems, and we're sitting in their capital! And for all practical intents and purposes, we've won the war! (Pausing for a gulp of ambrosa.) So, Adama, Siress, what do you think? Adama and Tinia are leaning on each other's shoulders, sound asleep. Adam "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite rbuck, Miri, and Kyle have been united with Megan, Nilz, Ariadne, and Robus. Starbuck: Are you sure you don't want to come with me back to the fleet? Megan: Thank you for your offer, Starbuck, and for helping my children escape the Cylons. Kyle: Wait a centon, he didn't help us! Miri: If we hadn't been there, he'd still be stuck in that cell or wandering lost through our secret passages! Megan: (Shaking his head and smiling.) Children. Anyway, we really appreciate your help, but this is our home now, and we're going to stay here and drive out the Cylons again. Miri: Speak for yourself. I'm joining that new village of Dr. Ravashol and his clones. At least they're not relatives! Kyle: And the female clones are cute - I'm joining them too! And being blue-eyed blonds ourselves, we'll fit right in. But I'll help get rid of the Cylons first. Starbuck: Wait a centon, Dr. Ravashol and his clones are here? Megan: Yep - they live thataway from here. Miri: Actually, Father, it's this way from here. Sng horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I hat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a faame out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravashoa is snoring. Cain: Adama? Siress? Wake up! You feel asleep again! Both wake with a start, blinking and shaking their heads. Tinia: Wha...? Adama: Right, right, Cain, you were saying...? Cain: Adama, I know it's the middle of the sleep period, your time, but I'm starting to wonder if you two got any sleep last night before I came on board. They exchange quick, guilty glances. Adama: Now, Cain, we're hear to discuss your plan, not to concern ourselves with the fact that I've had a sleepless night...uh, worrying... Cain: Worrying about what? Adama: Uh... Tinia: About the missing rescue mission, and the missing children! Adama: Right. That's it. Cain: So why haven't you been sleeping, Siress? Tinia: I've been worrying about them too. I couldn't let the Commander worry alone. Cain: Worrying about a military rescue mission? But you're a civilian member of the Council. You shouldn't even know about the mission. Isn't it a classified miliary secret? Tinia: Not when it involves civilian childrestone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'tarbuck: Why didn't either of you tell me that there were other humans here? Kyle: You didn't ask. Starbuck: Well, what are you going to do about the Cylons? Megan: From what Kyle and Miri say, you've already shown us the way. We're going to throw them in the moat. And now, let's go, children. Kyle: Father, the castle is that way. Megan: Oh. Okay, let's go that way. Kyle: (Delaying a few microns.) Psst, Starbuck, next time you come back, could you bring a young female warrior with you? Starbuck: Oh, uh, yeah, I'll try to remember that.... Starbuck is left alone, watching them disappear down a forest trail. Shaking his head, he turns and follows his own path, until he reaches the very, very small clearing where he left his Viper. Starbuck: (Affectionately patting the side of the ship.) VALIE, girl, I've missed you. VALIE: Oooh, Starbuck, I've missed you, too. Hey, don't smudge my wax job! Where have you been? How could you leave me alone like this for so long? I've been, like, totally alodon't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commandeint. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly cl: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethin. Adama: Besides, Siress Tinia is the military liaison from the Council. Cain: You've joined the military, Siress? Adama: No, no, she's the liaison from the Council to the military. Cain: Oh. That's different. Still shouldn't be allowed, in my superior tactical opinion, but it's different. Well, anyway, since it doesn't involve me, I really don't care why you couldn't sleep. So, what about my plan? What do you think? When shall we begin implementing it? Adama: Uh...let's talk about it some. I'd like to go over some of the ramifications again. Cain: Uh...starting where? Adama: Um... Wasn't it somewhere around the Theta Team mission? Wasn't that something about sabotaging the Imperious Leader's personal base star? Cain: Ah, yes, and that was to be immediately followed up by Iota Team moving in on the communications center on Cylon itself, with- Tinia: I think I'm missing something - how did our teams get to the main Cylon capital, anyway? Cain: (Now getting impatient.) Beta Team was to s gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: ne here in the woods for days and days, and it gets so totally dark at night, and I can't even see myself shine! And there are freaky noises out there, way weird, and something crawled over my canopy and totally creeped me out! I could barely concentrate on running internal diagnostics to be sure I was still running at, you know, my usual fab peak performance! Starbuck: Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten that about you.... You know, I guess I don't miss you as much as I thought I did.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Where do we begin to look for Starbuck?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 197 Scene: The clearing in the woods where Apollo's team, Boomer's team, Jolly's team, and Chameleon and the kids are gathered, along with the shuttle. Apollo: Here we are, all together again. Cutler: Except for Kevin, who's gone, and Kiwi, who's staying Boomer: And Starbuck, who's missing. Apollo: Well, yes, except for them. Of course, we can'tr Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. ame out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravashong horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I infiltrate as a precursor to Gamma Team moving in to take the spacedrome! Tinia: But how did we get there from here? Adama: I'm not sure we can get there from here - it's an awful long way back to Cylon from here... Cain: Not if one of the Galactica squadrons creates a diversion! Remember, I told you about that first thing! Tinia: (Glancing at her wrist chron.) That was over three centars ago, Cain... Cain: So? Adama: Cain, why don't you submit a detailed mission plan analysis for me to review when I'm not so exhausted with worry and can fully consider the details. Then we can meet again. Tinia: I like that idea. As a civilian council member, I of course will not be allowed to read it for fear of compromising military security. Adama: If I have to read it, you have to read it. Tinia: Drat. Cain: Good, good. I'll have it on your desk by midday...uh, morning, your time. And for now, I'll let you two get some sleep... (He strides out.) Adama: (After a pause.) At least he didn't guess what weYou'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least onc do much about Kevin. And it sounds like it's for the best about Kiwi. But I suppose we'll have to start looking for Starbuck now. (Sighs.) Sometimes it seems like I spend half my life looking for him. Boomer: You do. And he spends half of his life looking for you. And I seem to wind up spending most of my life looking for one or the other of you. Bojay: That's what happens when you're number three on the list, Boomer. Of course, it could be worse. The rest of us have to spend our entire lives covering for you all, in the background, when you and Apollo are looking for Starbuck, or you and Starbuck are looking for Apollo. At least you're getting screen time! Boomer: There is that.... Sheba: If you're done complaining about who spends how much time looking for whom and who's covering in the meantime, where do we begin to look for Starbuck? Bojay: Why do people keep talking about the Doctor? Boomer: Shhh! They're not! Remember, not all references to who are to him! Bojay: Oh, that's right....Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, l: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethidon't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commande were really doing here. Tinia: (Yawning.) It might have been better to admit it. Let's try to get some sleep... An alarm starts going off somewhere. Chipper alarm voice: Wakey, wakey, Adama! It's five bells! Time to get up and get to work! (Computer breaks into a rousing Colonial rendition of "Taking Care of Business.") Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cain say, "Who are you and where have you been all my life?" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 166 Scene: The Galactica. Cain strides briskly down a corridor as if he owns it, heading back to the landing bay. He reaches the bay, where he spots Omega still hard at work. Well, Omega's there, anyway, doing something that's mostly likely significant and essential to the survival of the fleet, but hades if I know what he's doing... Cain: Flight Officer Omega! Omega: Yes, sir! Cain: I've finished my discussion with Commander Adama. For now. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to talk aboe during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. I'm still not used to being without him. Cutler: (Puzzled.) Without who? Bojay: Right. Apollo: (Looking around.) Hmmm, it's a big planet. This'll take a plan.... We may have to separate into teams for our search. Cutler: Oh-oh, not that again.... Apollo: Then we can mark off the planet in grids, do fly-bys with our Vipers, and send the commandoes out for manned expeditions- Kimi: Ah-hem! Apollo: Uh, ground-based expeditions for more thorough investigation of likely areas. Kimi: That's better. Boomer: I've got a better idea where to look. Apollo: Better than mine? Impossible, I'm the captain. Sheba: Where did you have in mind, Boomer? Boomer: (Points.) Up there. Everyone looks up to see Starbuck's Viper coming in for a landing in the clearing. He pops the canopy and hops out. Starbuck: Hi, everybody! Is this party for me? Bojay: Show-off. Apollo: Starbuck, old buddy! Starbuck: Who you calling old, Captain? Apollo: Figure of speech. Come on down and start the obligatory hugs! Sheba: Anyou just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp ng horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I r Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. ut some more important matters, and you're just the man to have the information. Omega: (Looking around.) Me, sir? How's that? Cain: Well, it's obvious how much trust Commander Adama puts in you - and so does Siress Tinia, if I'm any judge. I figure you know everything that's going on around this ship. Maybe even this fleet. Omega: (Working at his collar.) Uh... Cain: So, I figure you're just the man to tell me something. How's Cassiopeia? You know Cassiopeia, the former socialator turned med tech? Omega: Yes, I've...heard of her... Cain: Good, good, I knew you would have. A woman like that, men remember. She's broken up with Starbuck by now, hasn't she? Omega: (Relieved.) Yes, sir, she has! How did you know? Cain: I knew it was only a matter of time. Starbuck isn't the kind of man who can keep a woman like that - but I am. I knew she'd have tired of Starbuck by now, and I intend to pick up where we left off. She could never resist me before, she certainly won't be able to resist me now t Lucifer: That is impossible. We faced many more Vipers than that in our last attack on your fleet. Starbuck: Really? I never could count very well... Lucifer: (Nastily.) That may explain your pyramid systems. Starbuck: Hey, leave my gambling ability out of this! Lucifer: So how many warriors do you have in your fleet? Starbuck: Before or after we count the Miri Feathers and the Black Ovines? Lucifer: Both. Starbuck: Count both, or don't count both? Lucifer: Count them all! Starbuck: Let's see... (Starts counting on fingers.) One... Two... Three... Four... And of course there's me, that makes five... Switching hands now, I'm gonna have to go to toes pretty soon... Six... Seven... Eight... No, wait, I counted her before...or did I? Oh, drat, I lost count, I have to start over... One... Two... Did I count me yet? Centurion #2: I think they will all have died of old age before Starbuck finishes counting them. Centurion #1: I have heard that is a peril of being human. Centurion #2: I do not d I can give you my expected tearful greeting! Boomer: And I can make the usual deprecatory wisecracks that we all know just conceal how much I really care. Cassie: And I can give you that gentle smile that tells everyone that, even though we're not together anymore, I still love about you as a friend and deeply appreciate what you've done for me and my family. Cutler: And even we commandoes can get in on the action with some handshakes and grins and pats on the back to show that we've learned to respect and like you by having had to work together on this mission and that we'll be buddies in the future, even though we'll probably never be seen again. Starbuck: Gee, I didn't know you all cared about me that much! Apollo: We don't. But we've gotta get it out of the way before we can head back to the Galactica and call this mission done. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Athena say, "Welcome back, darling." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 19or whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, hat I've put forth the plan and will lead our people in a glorious battle to once and for all take back our homeworld and end the Cylon menace forever. And now that she's a respectable med tech, I can actually marry her instead of just sleep with her. Omega: (Swallows hard.) Oh... Cain: So where is she billeted these days? I'd like to surprise her. Omega: (Gulping.) Actually, Commander, she's not on the Galactica at the moment. She's not in the fleet. She's part of the rescue mission we sent out to find the missing shuttle full of children. Cain: Ah, that's my brave Cassiopeia. I should have known she'd be part of a mission so important. Omega: Yes...yes, she is. And Sheba's on the mission too. Cain: Good, good, that's my Sheba. Like father, like daughter. But anyway, I guess I'll have to wait for Cassie to come back to surprise her. Omega: (Obviously torn.) Yes, sir... I'm sure she'll be very surprised... Cain heads for the nearest shuttle; behind him, Omega collapses to the floor in a faunderstand why they do not just trade their parts in for new models and upgrades. Centurion #1: Humans are so limited. Centurion #2: It is merely another reason we are superior. Centurion #1: Of course, remember what happened to the last operating upgrade. My patrol began flying in wide formation and could not stop. All but two of us flew into the side of the basestar and were destroyed. Centurion #2: That is very similar to the upgrade my first patrol received fifteen yahrens ago. We are still working out the bugs from the gamma version Micromillennium. Lucifer: Centurions, be quiet! This human does not need to hear about our faulty upgrades. Starbuck: Hey, I don't mind, really! I know how it is to discover your upgrade has problems. And I'm perfectly willing to listen, I've got good ears, just tell me your problems... Lucifer: Continue counting! Starbuck: Oh, all right, if you insist... Now where was I... Darn, you all distracted me, I'll have to start over again! Tune in for the next e8 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica, where two shuttles and a variety of Vipers come in for a landing. (Yes, that's what you call a multitude of them - you have a flock of avians, a herd of bovines, a school of piscines, and a variety of Vipers.) The warriors, commandos, and children disembark. Waiting for them are Commander Adama, a handful of warriors, and Athena, in tan pilot's uniform. Boomer: (Murmuring.) Hey, Athena's back in uniform! Bojay: Whatever you told her before we left must have made an impression. Boomer: Athena! You're back! Athena: Welcome back, darling! (She hurries past Boomer and throws herself into Bojay's arms.) I've missed you so much! Boomer: Athena? Bojay: Athena! Sheba: (Trying to squeeze between Athena and Bojay.) He hasn't missed you! Athena: (Shoving.) Back off, bimbo. Sheba: (Shoving back.) Hmph! He's mine and he always will be! Athena: He was yours on the Pegasus when he didn't have any choice - but now he's on the Galactica, where he has the best chyou just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp int. Nearby tech #1: So who's gonna tell him about Cassie and Jolly? Nearby tech #2: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him! Nearby tech #1: I'm not gonna tell him - let the Commander tell him! Out of the shuttle suddenly appear Commander Princess Gabrielle and a half dozen Miri Feathers, all thoroughly armed and clad as has come to be expected. The male bay technicians gather round, staring longingly like love-sick daggit pups. Gabrielle: (Briskly.) All right, Miri Feathers. Today is the day. Today we track down, locate, isolate, and take out that spectral dire daggit that's been eluding us for lo, these many episodes! Cain freezes, standing stock-still as he stares at the princess commander of the amazon Miri Feathers warriors. As the Miri Feathers begin to file past, heading for the nearest open conduit, Cain steps up and sweeps Gabrielle into his arms in a romantic dip, staring deeply into her eyes. Fortunately, he wasn't trying to shoot anything at the moment, although his weapon nearly cxciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "There's only one thing we can do." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 171 Scene: The grasslands. Big grasslands. High grasslands. Really tall grasslands. Swaying grasses moving in various directions when there is no wind in any of those directions. In the midst of the rustling sea of grass, Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny struggle to find their missing teammate, Kevin, and a way out of the grass. Kenny: There's no way out. We're lost. We're hopelessly lost. Carey: It's never hopeless until we give up. Bojay: We're never going to find Kevin. He's gone forever. We should just give up on him and find our own way out! Kenny: See? We're giving up. It's hopeless. Boomer: We're not giving up! We're Colonial warriors and Colonial commandoes! We don't give up! Kenny: Why can't we? Are you saying there's something the average person can do that we can't? Boomer: Of course not, there's nothing the average person can do that we "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite don't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commandeoice! Sheba: Where he has to date the commander's daughter or else? Hah! Athena: That's the only reason he dated you on the Pegasus, but he dated me first before he ever even knew you existed! Sheba: Which is how he knew he was getting a better deal with me! Athena: Bojay, tell her where to go! Sheba: Bojay, tell her what to do when she gets there! The two women throw themselves at each other in a genuine feline fight. Adama: Not again.... Reese! Reese and half a dozen security officers clad in full body armor rush forward to pull the two warrior fems apart and drag them off to different corners of the landing bay, still screaming at each other. Reese: (Panting.) Hazard pay, right, sir? Adama: (Sighing.) As always. Bojay: (Panicking.) I ... I ... I had nothing to do with that, sir! Adama: I know, Bojay. You're in a difficult situation, especially now that Cain is back in the fleet. Entire team: Cain's back? Adama: Yes. But I assure you, Bojay, I will never force you to choose between myame out of its holster. Cain: Who are you and where have you been all my life? Gabrielle: Who are you and what are you doing in my life anyway? Cain: I'm the great Commander Cain, and I can tell that you deserve me. Gabrielle: (Disgusted.) Oh, great... What kind of bad karma do I have from a past life to deserve this? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "I don't think I can run any more!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 167 Scene: The path in the woods on the planet in the system in the galaxy somewhere in the middle of the universe. Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, Cutler, and Kiwi are racing down the path, all panting heavily. Sheba: How long have we been running? Apollo: It feels like episodes and episodes! Sheba: I can't take it any more! I'm exhausted! I don't think I can run much longer! Cutler: You think you're exhausted - we've been carrying the gear! Apollo: That's why you're commandoes and we're warriors. Ravashocan't. Kenny: So we can give up and get out of here? Boomer: No. Not without Kevin. Carey: You know, I never liked Kevin. Bojay: Look! A tree! Carey: How can you tell? We can't see over the tops of the grass, it's way over our head! Bojay: Because I ran into the trunk, that's how! Ouch. I'm gonna need a med tech when we get back... Carey: We can climb the tree and see which way to go to get out of here! Kenny: Maybe we'll even see which way Kevin went. Carey, you climb- Carey: I don't wanna climb... Boomer: All right, I'll climb. At least it'll get me above these grassess... Kenny: And above whatever might be moving... No, wait, Boomer, I'll climb, I wouldn't dream- Carey: It was my idea to climb, I'll climb- Bojay: I'm the one who found it, I should get to climb- Boomer: I can see branches above - it's big enough that we can all climb it! And then we can look in all four directions and see everything there is to see. Carey: If the branches are that high, how are we going to reach themor whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." stone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'r Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. daughter and Cain's daughter, and I will respect whatever decision you make. And so will the rest of the family, correct, Apollo? Apollo: Absolutely, Father. Whatever decision he makes. When did Cain come back? Adama: While you were gone. Didn't you see his battlestar parked alongside ours? Apollo: I thought it was a sensor echo.... Bojay: I ... I think I need to lie down ... I feel woozy. Uh ... that tree, yeah, that tree I walked into.... Boomer: That was sectons ago. Bojay: So? Boomer, we gotta talk ... after I see a med tech.... Boomer: Right, buddy, talk to you later.... Apollo: (Aside to Boomer.) Personally, I'm betting on Cain's daughter winning, and am doing everything I can to encourage it - should be easy, now that her father's back. Boomer: Thanks, Apollo! You're a true friend, if maybe not the best brother.... Apollo: Friend, hades! I don't want Bojay for a brother-in-law! Starbuck: I wonder, do you think Bojay really will decide to invoke that ancient Libran tribal custom, anl: Hmph! You're all forgetting - I've been running with a cane, and I've still been staying ahead of you all! Clone: Hah! Half the time, I've beeen carrying you! Ravashol: That's because you're a clone and I'm the Father- Creator. Kiwi: Is it still following us? Apollo: Why don't you look behind us and let us know? You're the one in the back! Kiwi: Oh, you're right... Hmmm, I don't see anything behind us any more... Sheba: You mean we've been running for nothing? Why didn't you tell us that sooner? Kiwi: I would have had to stop and look back, and it mighta got me! Apollo: Okay, we can stop, we can stop... The group of warriors, commandoes, doctor, and clone stop and gather under a tree (of which there are many, all of them thoroughly barked, leaved, and some even vined and twined) to rest. Apollo: I don't hear anything, we must have lost it. Cutler: Well, it's been good exercise, if nothing else. Sheba: I didn't need the exercise, I needed to hear that we weren't being chased by somethi? Boomer: We'll use these vines that twine the trunk. Okay, everybody, let's climb! The warriors and commandoes climb the vines that twine the trunk to reach the branches above the rustling tips of the grass. Each on a high branch, they peer around. Carey: Oh, my.... Kenny: What is it? (Switches branches.) Oh, my... Bojay: (Clinging as tightly to his branch as he can with both arms and legs wrapped around it.) What is it? Tell me! Boomer: Why don't you move and look? Bojay: I'm scared of heights! Boomer: Well at least get out of my way so I can get to their branch without stepping on you! Bojay: I'm not moving! Boomer: (Sighing heavily as he clambers over Bojay's form.) Oh, brother... Bojay: Who's your brother? Boomer: (Staring over grasses.) Oh, my... Out in the grasslands, they can see...heads. Heads keep popping up out of the grass, peering their way, then ducking back into the grasses. The grasses can now be seen to be moving exactly where the heads appear and disappear. The heads aps gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, d marry both of them? Apollo: Only if he wants to be twice widowed within the secton - they'll kill each other. Starbuck: That would be an out.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "Some things haven't changed." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 199 Scene: The landing bay of the Galactica. Cordelia rushes into the bay, clad in a gown of diaphanous pink silky stuff. Cordelia: Apollo! (Runs toward him.) Oh my dear, sweet, beloved Apollo, are you back? Apollo: Cordelia! (Rushes to her.) Oh my darling, I'm back. Cordelia: Are you safe? Apollo: I'm safe- (Trips over a seam in the deck.) Oops! Jolly: As safe as he can be, dating her. Boomer: At least some things haven't changed.... Starbuck: He was safer back on the planet - children, saurians, things with teeth and tusks, raging rivers, Cylons, luaus, and all. Whoah, look at that! Falling, Apollo catches a handful of diaphanous pink silky stuff as he goes down, and suddenly Cordelng horrid with tusks, teeth, and hooves! Apollo: I wonder if we needed to run at all... Sheba: Why? Apollo: Since it had hooves, it was probably herbivorous, I would think. Sheba: You mean we ran for nothing? Ravashol: Actually, considering the teeth and tusks and the size of the thing, it sounds like something we've seen in the woods - and it's omniverous. While it wouldn't deliberately hunt down something as large as us, it wouldn't be above chasing us down if we happened to be in its way, savagely goring us to death in a fit of instinctive rage, then happily munching on our torn and bloodied remains like some kind of salad dressing on the leaves, grasses, roots, and grains that form its usual diet. Kiwi: Ewh, I'm going to be sick! I don't wanna be salad dressing! Cutler: You can't be sick, Kiwi, you're a commando. Kiwi: I don't wanna be a commando any more! I only became one because Kimi wanted to be one, and we're twins and we always do the same thing. But this isn't fun anymore, and I pear saurian, with big eyes, big mouths, and big teeth. Everybody: Oh, my... Kenny: I think we know what happened to Kevin... Carey: And he wasn't even wearing the red shirt... Boomer: (Swallowing hard.) There's only one thing we can do... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cal shout, "It's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 172 Scene: The river, now with a much faster current, and a raft, closing fast on...the edge... Cassie: Oh, no, what'll we do? Cal: Quick, dump our gear! Maybe it'll slow us down! (Throws his gear overboard.) Kimi: Why? Cal: I don't know, but it's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick! Kimi: You're right! They do! (Throws her gear overboard too.) Cassie: It's not slowing us down! In fact, I think we're going faster! Kimi: It backfired! Cal: Oh-oh... Jolly: (Peering over the edge of the raft.) No, it's just the current - it' moving faster! Hmm, we could probablYou'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least oncstone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'you just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp ia is dressed in a hot pink extremely skimpy teddy and spiked heels. Cordelia: (Giggling, but showing no signs of abandoning bay.) Apollo, you know you aren't allowed to see my underthings until we're properly sealed! Apollo: (Gazing raptly up at her face.) And you know I'd never do anything unallowed, where you're concerned. So I'll only allow myself to gaze at your beautiful, loving face, and never even look below your neck for now. Can I walk you back to your quarters so you can get more appropriately attired? Cordelia: Oh, darling.... He gets back to his feet, and hands her the armful of fluffy pink stuff, which she sorta drapes over her shoulder enough to be semi- decent. Then they stroll out of the bay, hand in hand. Boomer: (Whistling.) Considering her modesty and shy sweetness, how come the man she marries is gonna be the only man who hasn't seen her underthings by their wedding day? Jolly: Awh, it's only the second gown he's ripped off her. She can't help it if they become klutzes don't wanna do it anymore. I quit! (Dumps all weaponry and gear.) Cutler: (Under his breath.) She's not salad dressing, she's fruit salad! (Louder.) You can't quit in the middle of a mission! Kiwi: (Sticks out her tongue.) I just did. Sheba: Who'll carry her gear? Ravashol: Clone, would you take care of that, please? Clone: Why not? It's got to be lighter than you, Father-Creator. Ravashol: Captain, I do have a question, now that we've had time to rest and catch our breaths. Apollo: What's that? Ravashol: Considering all your armaments, and the fact that you were able to blow a hole in the jungle big enough for a path for all of us to run through... Apollo: Yeah? Ravashol: Why didn't you just shoot it? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Gee, he's just as smart as you are." _________________________________________________________________ "This is journalator Koppel, reporting on the hoopla surrounding the return of Commandee during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. s gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: or whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." y swim now, the turbo-toothed piscines seem to stay back from the falls... Cassie: I still can't swim, honey! And I suspect our commandoes could never make it through the current, even if you could! But save yourself! Somebody's got to rescue our children! Tell them I love them! Jolly: (Taking her hands romantically.) I'll never leave you, Cassie, and I suppose I shouldn't leave the commandoes in my command, either. It wouldn't be the right thing to do. Cassie: (Sighing.) Oh, Jolly, I knew you'd never leave me. Kimi: We're going over! Everyone: Aaaah! Scene: A cool, spreading pool at the base of a humongous waterfall, beribboned with rainbows and sprays of water deflected by huge rocks into delicately arcing showers, stirred by small whirlpools where the waters mix in ever-changing currents. The morning jungle sounds are suddenly disturbed by the screeches and screams of something from above. The raft plummets down the white- water falls like a rocket, ricocheting off rocks, drenching its bwhen they're together. Starbuck: Commander, have you changed your mind about them marrying yet? Adama: Never! I'll never give my consent to see my son, a scion of the house of Greene, married to a woman of the house of Somers! Jolly: Do you really have a choice? (Smiles fondly at Cassie, who smiles back.) Some things just shouldn't be denied. Starbuck: You know, sir, one of these days he's gonna rip one of her gowns when they're in private, and then Siress Belloby will pretend she doesn't believe it's an accident, and insist they have to get married immediately. Adama: Go file your report, Starbuck. Jolly, you too. Cutler, I notice you're a few commandoes short of a squad. Cutler: I can give you a complete report if you like, sir. Adama: I expect it. Cutler: Lieutenant Kevin appears to have been devoured by oversized saurians, although no one actually saw it - just as well, I'd say. And Sergeant Kiwi- Adama: In writing, Cutler. Save the details for your written report. Cutler: But you sair Cain and the Pegasus! As we end our twenty-fourth secton of this long-running series, we rejoice that we have another battlestar among us, led by the well-known and highly-esteemed Commander Cain. We're certain this will contribute immensely to not merely the physical security of the fleet, but to its emotional and psychological well-being as well- What do you mean, I didn't give Cain enough credit, what more do we need to say about him? What...? No, I am not saying that, I don't care if the entire crew of the Pegasus were to show up with weapons in hand- *Frizz, snap, sizzle* Oh, all right! Commander Princess Gabrielle, Commander Cain extends his invitation to a private dinner aboard the Pegasus at nineteen bells today, and wants you to know that his intentions are strictly honorable, as you'd expect from a commander of his class, talent, abilities, looks, sex appeal, history, and general- No, I cannot say any more of this, I can't- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 168 Scene: The woods. Lucifer: That is impossible. We faced many more Vipers than that in our last attack on your fleet. Starbuck: Really? I never could count very well... Lucifer: (Nastily.) That may explain your pyramid systems. Starbuck: Hey, leave my gambling ability out of this! Lucifer: So how many warriors do you have in your fleet? Starbuck: Before or after we count the Miri Feathers and the Black Ovines? Lucifer: Both. Starbuck: Count both, or don't count both? Lucifer: Count them all! Starbuck: Let's see... (Starts counting on fingers.) One... Two... Three... Four... And of course there's me, that makes five... Switching hands now, I'm gonna have to go to toes pretty soon... Six... Seven... Eight... No, wait, I counted her before...or did I? Oh, drat, I lost count, I have to start over... One... Two... Did I count me yet? Centurion #2: I think they will all have died of old age before Starbuck finishes counting them. Centurion #1: I have heard that is a peril of being human. Centurion #2: I do not You'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least onc "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite arely-hanging-on occupants, finally all but launching out over the pool and dropping with a heavy splash and sending showers and small tidal waves in all directions, before sinking like a rock. A long centon later, four heads bob to the surface. Cassie: Help! Jolly: I've got you. The foursome swim to the nearest shore and drag themselves out onto the sand, to collapse in bedraggled, gasping heaps, except for Jolly, who looks exceptionally energetic and upbeat as he carries Cassie out of the admittedly low surf. All of their clothing is artistically ripped and torn in classic Star Trek tradition. Cal: Whew! We made it... Kimi: I think I swallowed half the pond... Jolly: That was fun. Cal: Are you insane? Kimi: Between the fall, the rocks, and the water, we could've been killed - we should've been killed! Cal: At least there were no turbo-toothed piscines down here, or we'd've been chomped to the bone. Kimi: Likely none of the piscines have ever survived the fall! Cal: What'll we do now? Jd- Adama: Sorry, only the stars get to give oral reports onscreen. Cutler: But you get more points for oral reports. Adama: Dismissed, Cutler. Cutler: Yes, sir.... (Grumbling, Cutler gestures to his commandoes, and they file out of the bay, carrying their equipment.) Jolly: Cassie and I should get our children to Life Center for complete check-ups. Adama: Somebody better warn Salik they're coming. Starbuck: I'll take care of that - there's a cute new doctor I've been meaning to meet.... Jolly, Cassie, and Starbuck troop off to life center. Shortly, only Adama and Boomer are left. Boomer: By the way, uh, sir, where's Zac? Adama: Where do you expect? Where he always is.... (Shaking his head, the commander leaves the bay.) Boom: (Muttering to himself.) But where's that? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "I can't cook, I'm naked." _________________________________________________________________ A moment of silence, please,Apollo, Sheba, Ravashol, a clone, and Commando Cutler and ex-commando Kiwi stand under a tree, catching their breaths. Ravashol: Well? Why didn't you just shoot it? They look at each other. Apollo: Well... I mean... Sheba: He's got a point, Apollo - why didn't you shoot it? Apollo: You've got a laser, why didn't you shoot it? Sheba: (Sweetly.) I'm the girl. I wasn't hired to shoot it. Besides, you're in charge, you're the big brave macho hero. Apollo: Cutler, why didn't you shoot it? You're the commando. You're the man with the big gun, or so I hear. Cutler: I didn't have orders to shoot it. Apollo: You shot a path through the woods! Nobody ordered you to do that! Cutler: Technically, maybe. But as you may recall, Sheba was discussing the appropriate weaponry to get through the woods - a machete. I offered an alternative. Apollo: You couldn't offer an alternative to running? Cutler: Nobody asked me for one. In fact, you ordered us to run. Apollo: I didn't order anybody to run. Sheba: No, understand why they do not just trade their parts in for new models and upgrades. Centurion #1: Humans are so limited. Centurion #2: It is merely another reason we are superior. Centurion #1: Of course, remember what happened to the last operating upgrade. My patrol began flying in wide formation and could not stop. All but two of us flew into the side of the basestar and were destroyed. Centurion #2: That is very similar to the upgrade my first patrol received fifteen yahrens ago. We are still working out the bugs from the gamma version Micromillennium. Lucifer: Centurions, be quiet! This human does not need to hear about our faulty upgrades. Starbuck: Hey, I don't mind, really! I know how it is to discover your upgrade has problems. And I'm perfectly willing to listen, I've got good ears, just tell me your problems... Lucifer: Continue counting! Starbuck: Oh, all right, if you insist... Now where was I... Darn, you all distracted me, I'll have to start over again! Tune in for the next ee during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. stone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'olly: Well, what do we have left for gear? They look around. Kimi: Looks like nothing. I guess we shouldn't have ditched our gear after all. Cal: We don't even have a laser or a communicatron! We didn't save anything useful! Jolly: (Smiling lovingly at Cassie, still in his arms and showing no hurry to get back to her feet.) I wouldn't say that. Kimi: (Inspecting her ripped, soaking wet, clinging remnants of uniform.) At least we've still got some kind of clothing, even if it's not in the best of condition. Cal: (Also inspecting his mostly-gone uniform.) Yeah. Say, Starbuck thinks he looks good without a shirt, he oughta see me in a ripped uniform! Cassie: (Her clothes are almost shredded too, but she's too intent on Jolly to notice.) So what do we do now? Jolly: What warriors always do. We go on. Cal: But we have no gear, no weapons, no transportation, and no way to contact the rest of our team! Jolly: I know. But hey, we've got strategically ripped clothes and we look good in 'em. Every for the 200th episode.... That's enough of that, you may now resume reading. ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 200 Scene: Somebody's quarters on the Galactica. Zac enters. Zac: I'm here! Time for evening meal. Need any help in the galley, Gabrielle? I really appreciate you coming over for supper tonight, it's been a long shift for me.... Gabrielle: (From other chamber.) I can't cook, Zac, I'm naked. Zac: Oh.... Well, we could go out instead if you'd prefer.... Gabrielle: (Slightly irritated.) We can't go out, I'm naked. Zac: How 'bout if I order in pizza? Gabrielle: (Exasperated.) I'm still naked. Zac: We still have to eat.... Gabrielle: (Downright dangerous.) How many times must I tell you I'm naked? Zac: Oh! You're naked! Now I get it! Gabrielle: No, you're not. I'm not naked anymore. Zac: Dang. Gabrielle: (Entering from the bedroom, fully clad in leather and feathers - well, as fully clad as the Miri Feather warriors ever are.) You know, for a brilliant, Colonies-famous doctoryou just started running yourself. Cutler: And the rest of us followed, figuring if you wanted to give an alternative order, we'd have to be close enough to hear it. But you never gave any other order. Apollo: I thought you weren't even with us - couldn't you have decided on your own to shoot it, to protect you and Kiwi, without worrying about me and Sheba, who are quite capable of taking care of ourselves? Cutler: We were quite capable of deciding to run, too. And since you'd already made that decision, you can't fault me for making the same decision. Sheba: Gee, Apollo, he's just as smart as you are. What a pity. Apollo: Why, you! And you call yourself Cain's daughter... Sheba: How dare you... Ravashol: Enough, already! All right, none of you thought to shoot it, I'm sorry I asked! Matter closed. Sheba: (Sticks out her tongue at Apollo, then mutters.) That's what you think. Apollo: (Deliberately turning his back on Sheba.) All right, Dr. Ravashol, why don't we got to your village or camp xciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "There's only one thing we can do." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 171 Scene: The grasslands. Big grasslands. High grasslands. Really tall grasslands. Swaying grasses moving in various directions when there is no wind in any of those directions. In the midst of the rustling sea of grass, Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny struggle to find their missing teammate, Kevin, and a way out of the grass. Kenny: There's no way out. We're lost. We're hopelessly lost. Carey: It's never hopeless until we give up. Bojay: We're never going to find Kevin. He's gone forever. We should just give up on him and find our own way out! Kenny: See? We're giving up. It's hopeless. Boomer: We're not giving up! We're Colonial warriors and Colonial commandoes! We don't give up! Kenny: Why can't we? Are you saying there's something the average person can do that we can't? Boomer: Of course not, there's nothing the average person can do that we Lucifer: That is impossible. We faced many more Vipers than that in our last attack on your fleet. Starbuck: Really? I never could count very well... Lucifer: (Nastily.) That may explain your pyramid systems. Starbuck: Hey, leave my gambling ability out of this! Lucifer: So how many warriors do you have in your fleet? Starbuck: Before or after we count the Miri Feathers and the Black Ovines? Lucifer: Both. Starbuck: Count both, or don't count both? Lucifer: Count them all! Starbuck: Let's see... (Starts counting on fingers.) One... Two... Three... Four... And of course there's me, that makes five... Switching hands now, I'm gonna have to go to toes pretty soon... Six... Seven... Eight... No, wait, I counted her before...or did I? Oh, drat, I lost count, I have to start over... One... Two... Did I count me yet? Centurion #2: I think they will all have died of old age before Starbuck finishes counting them. Centurion #1: I have heard that is a peril of being human. Centurion #2: I do not s gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: one is immeasurably cheered as they start into the jungle. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "That wasn't what I had in mind." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 173 Scene: The Galactica briefing room, where a meeting is taking place, including Commander Adama, Siress Tinia, Commander Cain, Commander Princess Gabrielle, Major Boyington of the Black Ovines, Captain Travis of Green Squadron, Captain Ivan of Yellow Squadron, and a handful of other ship commanders and senior warriors whose names are utterly irrelevant since they won't say a word and we'll likely never see them again. Tinia: I thought I didn't have to be here. Adama: I figured Gabrielle might need the moral support. Tinia: Because she's a young woman having to deal with a traditionally men's world? Adama: No. Tinia: In case, as a civilian, she feels like an outsider in the midst of all these Colonial military personnel? Adama: No. Tinia: In case whatever's holding th, you're slow on the uptake sometimes, you know that? Zac: (Dropping into a chair with a sigh. Him, that is, not the chair. Chairs don't sigh. As a general rule, anyway.) Like I said, it was a long shift. Gabrielle: Sometimes I think you're as bad as your big brother! Zac: Just because Apollo is hooked on the old ethics and standards and traditions.... Gabrielle: (Taking a seat on his lap.) But you're not, are you? Zac: If I were as tradition bound as he is, I'd be a warrior, just like him. And just like Athena. And just like our father. And both of our grandfathers. And all four great-grandfathers and three great-grandmothers. And- Gabrielle: Zac, shut up. I don't need a genealogy lesson. I know you come from the longest known family lines of warriors in the history of the Colonies, on all sides. Zac: Father never lets me forget it, either. But people need doctors, too. Just like they need ... other designations. Gabrielle: Any improvement in Colonel Tigh? Zac: Actually, yes! I made a bror whatever form of habitation you and your clones have built here. Ravashol: Why? I thought you were looking for your children, and they're not living with us. Apollo: We've gotta start somewhere. Clone: Oh-oh, look what's coming up the path... Everyone turns. It's the big brown critter with hooves and tusks and teeth, still barreling after them. Apollo, Sheba, and Cutler all draw their lasers and blast it. When the air clears, there's nothing much left but cooked beast. Kiwi: (Sniffing the air.) Mmm, smells like roast porcine! Clone: May we take it back to the village, Father-Creator? Ravashol: Why? Clone: Actually, Father-Creator, we've hunted a few of these things -they're very good eating. Apollo: If you hunt them, why didn't you shoot it? Ravashol: We're not going there again! We're going back to the village. Clone, bring the roast porcine... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I meant that in a nice way, of course." can't. Kenny: So we can give up and get out of here? Boomer: No. Not without Kevin. Carey: You know, I never liked Kevin. Bojay: Look! A tree! Carey: How can you tell? We can't see over the tops of the grass, it's way over our head! Bojay: Because I ran into the trunk, that's how! Ouch. I'm gonna need a med tech when we get back... Carey: We can climb the tree and see which way to go to get out of here! Kenny: Maybe we'll even see which way Kevin went. Carey, you climb- Carey: I don't wanna climb... Boomer: All right, I'll climb. At least it'll get me above these grassess... Kenny: And above whatever might be moving... No, wait, Boomer, I'll climb, I wouldn't dream- Carey: It was my idea to climb, I'll climb- Bojay: I'm the one who found it, I should get to climb- Boomer: I can see branches above - it's big enough that we can all climb it! And then we can look in all four directions and see everything there is to see. Carey: If the branches are that high, how are we going to reach themunderstand why they do not just trade their parts in for new models and upgrades. Centurion #1: Humans are so limited. Centurion #2: It is merely another reason we are superior. Centurion #1: Of course, remember what happened to the last operating upgrade. My patrol began flying in wide formation and could not stop. All but two of us flew into the side of the basestar and were destroyed. Centurion #2: That is very similar to the upgrade my first patrol received fifteen yahrens ago. We are still working out the bugs from the gamma version Micromillennium. Lucifer: Centurions, be quiet! This human does not need to hear about our faulty upgrades. Starbuck: Hey, I don't mind, really! I know how it is to discover your upgrade has problems. And I'm perfectly willing to listen, I've got good ears, just tell me your problems... Lucifer: Continue counting! Starbuck: Oh, all right, if you insist... Now where was I... Darn, you all distracted me, I'll have to start over again! Tune in for the next eYou'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least oncat outfit on her comes loose and she needs somebody to help her reassemble it? Adama: No. Well, maybe, but that wasn't what I had in mind. Tinia: Then why? Adama: In case Cain ticks her off so much that she hauls off and punches him, I need somebody here who can hold her back without being smacked for grabbing her in the wrong place. Tinia: What's the wrong place? Adama: On her, every place. Tinia: Ah. I see. I appreciate your trust in me, Adama, and I'm sure I can handle it. Adama: Just don't handle too much. Cain: So, we're all here. (Pacing around the table.) And you've all had time to study my battle plan. (He stops behind Gabrielle's chair to put his hands on her bare shoulders.) So what do you think? Gabrielle: (Shrugging him off and moving to the next chair.) I think I'm confused as to what I'm doing here. We're not Colonials, and I've yet to hear anything that convinces me this plan is worth committing the Miri Feather warriors to. Cain: (Sliding into the chair she just vacated.) Yeakthrough - he's completely recovered! Gabrielle: Just like that? Wow. You really are one of the Colonies' greatest doctors! Zac: Yeah, but I'm a lousy cook. What do we want to do about supper? Gabrielle: Well, since I'm just as lousy a cook as you are, I suspect the mess hall is the best choice - unless you want to join me on the FeatherStar. Zac: I wish I could, but I'm on call tonight - the children are back, and Salik told me if I tried to leave the battlestar before the physicals were done, even after today's shift, he'd have my hide nailed to the wall of his quarters like I was a trophy dire daggit. (A beeper goes off.) Gabrielle: Oh-oh. Zac: (Pulling beeper from pocket of medical uniform.) This is Dr. Zac. Harried Voice from Beeper: Doctor, we have an emergency in life center! Zac: (Sighing.) Jolly and Cassie's children? Harried Voice: No - Captain Apollo and Siress Cordelia fell down a turbolift shaft on top of Lt. Athena and three security officers. We've got sprained ankles, s "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 169 Scene: The dungeon in the half-castle where Kyle and Starbuck have been captured and imprisoned by Lucifer and the Cylons. Use your imagination about the dark, dank and dripping decor and the kind of cramped, barred cells and heavy chains and such that Lucifer is using. And of course, Starbuck has lost his shirt. Lucifer: Well, Starbuck, what do you think of me now? Starbuck: You're a metal-mouthed, bulb-headed, tinsel-toothed hunk of junk that should be melted down for scrap and turned into mugs for the officers' club so we can drink to the extinction of the Cylon Empire. Lucifer: With the power to order your immediate execution. Starbuck: I meant that in a nice way, of course. Lucifer: Of course. Kyle: But how did you take over our castle? Where is my family? Lucifer: Actually, some of your family helped me take over the castle. Who do you think told us there was no back door so we could just walk in? A slim blonde figure appears down the requisite ? Boomer: We'll use these vines that twine the trunk. Okay, everybody, let's climb! The warriors and commandoes climb the vines that twine the trunk to reach the branches above the rustling tips of the grass. Each on a high branch, they peer around. Carey: Oh, my.... Kenny: What is it? (Switches branches.) Oh, my... Bojay: (Clinging as tightly to his branch as he can with both arms and legs wrapped around it.) What is it? Tell me! Boomer: Why don't you move and look? Bojay: I'm scared of heights! Boomer: Well at least get out of my way so I can get to their branch without stepping on you! Bojay: I'm not moving! Boomer: (Sighing heavily as he clambers over Bojay's form.) Oh, brother... Bojay: Who's your brother? Boomer: (Staring over grasses.) Oh, my... Out in the grasslands, they can see...heads. Heads keep popping up out of the grass, peering their way, then ducking back into the grasses. The grasses can now be seen to be moving exactly where the heads appear and disappear. The heads apxciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "There's only one thing we can do." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 171 Scene: The grasslands. Big grasslands. High grasslands. Really tall grasslands. Swaying grasses moving in various directions when there is no wind in any of those directions. In the midst of the rustling sea of grass, Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny struggle to find their missing teammate, Kevin, and a way out of the grass. Kenny: There's no way out. We're lost. We're hopelessly lost. Carey: It's never hopeless until we give up. Bojay: We're never going to find Kevin. He's gone forever. We should just give up on him and find our own way out! Kenny: See? We're giving up. It's hopeless. Boomer: We're not giving up! We're Colonial warriors and Colonial commandoes! We don't give up! Kenny: Why can't we? Are you saying there's something the average person can do that we can't? Boomer: Of course not, there's nothing the average person can do that we e during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. ou're here because I invited you. Gabrielle: Actually, Commander Adama asked me to participate. And I'm beginning to regret it. Cain: (Scooping up her hand.) You won't regret what I, the greatest military mastermind in the galaxy, have to offer... Gabrielle: Cain, I'm going to remove that hand if you don't remove it first. Cain: (Removing his hand.) Ah, a true warrior woman after my own heart. (Turns back to the others.) Well? Isn't that the most tactically, strategically, all-around brilliant plan you've ever seen? Boyington: Actually, Commander, I can see a flaw or two- Cain: Impossible, Major. I don't have flaws. Travis: No, I see 'em too, right here- Cain: Shut up, Captain. I'm the Commander here, with a lifetime of experience in teaching those goll-monging Cylons a thing or two. What have you got to stack against that? Ivan: But the Major's right, this goes against- Cain: Captain, if you knew what you were talking about, you'd be the star instead of Apollo and we'd all recognize your everal broken wrists, two cracked ribs, a skull fracture, various abrasions and contusions, and a bunch of broken nails. And some of them got hurt when Apollo and Cordelia fell on them, too. Zac: On my way! (Kisses Gabrielle.) Good bye, my love. Harried Voice: (Less harried, downright simpering.) Why, doctor, I didn't know you cared.... Zac: I don't. And I said, I'm on my way. Harried Voice: (Harried again.) No, you don't understand. Dr. Salik believes it's the Somers effect, and he's ordering you to stay away from life center tonight at all costs. Zac: Thanks for the warning. (Puts away beeper, grinning at Gabrielle.) Looks like I'm free tonight after all.... Gabrielle: (Jumps out of his lap.) Great! Let's go eat! Zac: Dang. Just when I'm not hungry any more.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Omega say, "Psst, Colonel!" stone stairs behind Lucifer, dressed as we remember so well. Starbuck: Miri! Miri: Hi, Starbuck. Lucifer: I'll leave you to your precious family reunion, Kyle. Enjoy the party, Starbuck. I'll be back later to torture you horribly until you tell me all your secrets. Starbuck: The only secrets I've got are my personal pyramid schemes! Lucifer: I'm not interested in pyramid schemes. The Imperious Leader outlawed those, yahrens ago. Besides, they're no secrets! But I will be asking for everything you know about the Galactica and your fleet and your warriors and you military capability and your destination and the location of Earth. Starbuck: Wouldn't you rather just know about my pyramid schemes? Lucifer: No. Lucifer exits, having a very tough and undignified time with those stone steps. Lucifer: Ooh, ouch, ugh... Centurion! Come lift me out of here again! Starbuck: (Yelling after him.) You can't even handle stairs, Lucifer, how do you figure on handling the fleet? Kyle: All right, Miri, he'pear saurian, with big eyes, big mouths, and big teeth. Everybody: Oh, my... Kenny: I think we know what happened to Kevin... Carey: And he wasn't even wearing the red shirt... Boomer: (Swallowing hard.) There's only one thing we can do... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Cal shout, "It's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 172 Scene: The river, now with a much faster current, and a raft, closing fast on...the edge... Cassie: Oh, no, what'll we do? Cal: Quick, dump our gear! Maybe it'll slow us down! (Throws his gear overboard.) Kimi: Why? Cal: I don't know, but it's what they do in every bad disaster holo-flick! Kimi: You're right! They do! (Throws her gear overboard too.) Cassie: It's not slowing us down! In fact, I think we're going faster! Kimi: It backfired! Cal: Oh-oh... Jolly: (Peering over the edge of the raft.) No, it's just the current - it' moving faster! Hmm, we could probablcan't. Kenny: So we can give up and get out of here? Boomer: No. Not without Kevin. Carey: You know, I never liked Kevin. Bojay: Look! A tree! Carey: How can you tell? We can't see over the tops of the grass, it's way over our head! Bojay: Because I ran into the trunk, that's how! Ouch. I'm gonna need a med tech when we get back... Carey: We can climb the tree and see which way to go to get out of here! Kenny: Maybe we'll even see which way Kevin went. Carey, you climb- Carey: I don't wanna climb... Boomer: All right, I'll climb. At least it'll get me above these grassess... Kenny: And above whatever might be moving... No, wait, Boomer, I'll climb, I wouldn't dream- Carey: It was my idea to climb, I'll climb- Bojay: I'm the one who found it, I should get to climb- Boomer: I can see branches above - it's big enough that we can all climb it! And then we can look in all four directions and see everything there is to see. Carey: If the branches are that high, how are we going to reach them Lucifer: That is impossible. We faced many more Vipers than that in our last attack on your fleet. Starbuck: Really? I never could count very well... Lucifer: (Nastily.) That may explain your pyramid systems. Starbuck: Hey, leave my gambling ability out of this! Lucifer: So how many warriors do you have in your fleet? Starbuck: Before or after we count the Miri Feathers and the Black Ovines? Lucifer: Both. Starbuck: Count both, or don't count both? Lucifer: Count them all! Starbuck: Let's see... (Starts counting on fingers.) One... Two... Three... Four... And of course there's me, that makes five... Switching hands now, I'm gonna have to go to toes pretty soon... Six... Seven... Eight... No, wait, I counted her before...or did I? Oh, drat, I lost count, I have to start over... One... Two... Did I count me yet? Centurion #2: I think they will all have died of old age before Starbuck finishes counting them. Centurion #1: I have heard that is a peril of being human. Centurion #2: I do not name and face. Adama: Now, Cain, my warriors are just offering their opinions. Cain: They shouldn't be insulting me in front of the beautiful Commander Princess Gabrielle! I mean, what's she going to think of them insulting me like that? When she's fallen so head over heels in love with me? Gabrielle: (Staring in utter disbelief.) Is he as bad at reading the Cylons as he is at reading me? Tinia: (Hastily.) Now, Commander Cain, I'm sure our young, brave warriors didn't intend to be insulting - I'm sure they were just hoping that you would share the benefit of your yahrens of experience and skill, and explain the brilliance of your thought processes so they could learn from it, and see how you've become the commander you are today, and become better warriors themselves. Cain: (Almost visibly puffing up.) Ah, I see. In that case, I'm sorry I misunderstood your questions, gentlemen. Let me go through the plan again... A groan sweeps the room. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Fs gone - get us out of here! Miri: No. Kyle: What?!?! Starbuck: Miri, he means it? You're helping Lucifer? You're helping the Cylons? Miri: Yes. Starbuck: The ones who attacked your castle on Antilles, imprisoned your father, forced your mother to leave to look for help, drove you into the forests for sectars, and that you had to battle and drive out to save your home? Miri: Those are the ones. Except that was Spectre, and this is Lucifer. Kyle: Miri, how could you do this to us? We're brother and sister! Miri: That's the problem, Kyle. Kyle: What? Why is that a problem? Miri: Haven't you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Kyle: But, Miri! Miri: I mean, think about it, Kyle. I mean, I'm the oldest, I'm the daughter of the Miri Feather warrior, but who always has to be in charge? Who always has to tell us what to do? Who treats the rest of us like serfs to be ordered about at his pleasure? Kyle: Father does. Miri: Him, too. And you learned from him. Kyle: Well, yes. He's our Father. Miri: y swim now, the turbo-toothed piscines seem to stay back from the falls... Cassie: I still can't swim, honey! And I suspect our commandoes could never make it through the current, even if you could! But save yourself! Somebody's got to rescue our children! Tell them I love them! Jolly: (Taking her hands romantically.) I'll never leave you, Cassie, and I suppose I shouldn't leave the commandoes in my command, either. It wouldn't be the right thing to do. Cassie: (Sighing.) Oh, Jolly, I knew you'd never leave me. Kimi: We're going over! Everyone: Aaaah! Scene: A cool, spreading pool at the base of a humongous waterfall, beribboned with rainbows and sprays of water deflected by huge rocks into delicately arcing showers, stirred by small whirlpools where the waters mix in ever-changing currents. The morning jungle sounds are suddenly disturbed by the screeches and screams of something from above. The raft plummets down the white- water falls like a rocket, ricocheting off rocks, drenching its bunderstand why they do not just trade their parts in for new models and upgrades. Centurion #1: Humans are so limited. Centurion #2: It is merely another reason we are superior. Centurion #1: Of course, remember what happened to the last operating upgrade. My patrol began flying in wide formation and could not stop. All but two of us flew into the side of the basestar and were destroyed. Centurion #2: That is very similar to the upgrade my first patrol received fifteen yahrens ago. We are still working out the bugs from the gamma version Micromillennium. Lucifer: Centurions, be quiet! This human does not need to hear about our faulty upgrades. Starbuck: Hey, I don't mind, really! I know how it is to discover your upgrade has problems. And I'm perfectly willing to listen, I've got good ears, just tell me your problems... Lucifer: Continue counting! Starbuck: Oh, all right, if you insist... Now where was I... Darn, you all distracted me, I'll have to start over again! Tune in for the next eorgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "I am not obsessed!" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 174 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica. Gabrielle storms into the bay, heading for the Miri Feathers shuttle and several of her warriors. Gabrielle: Of all the self-centered, egotistical... (The others raise inquiring eyebrows.) This new battlestar commander, Cain. He's insane. He's decided I'm in love with him. Mississippia: Is he in love with you? Gabrielle: He says he is. Sancroixa: That's wonderful! You're in love with each other, then you can- Gabrielle: No! He's decided I'm in love with him, I've decided I'm not in love with him! Avona: (Eagerly.) I volunteer to spear him, I'm good at it! Gabrielle: I thought about that, but I guess he's some kind of hero or something to most of the fleet, so it'd be terribly demoralizing if we speared him. I tell you, though, if Cain-the- Pain keeps this up, I'm going to be awfully tempted to not care! Sancroixa: I thought you said you alYou'd have done better learning more from Mother! (Whirls and stomps out, having no problem with the stairs.) Kyle: Starbuck? Starbuck: Yes? Kyle: I think we're in trouble... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Lucifer say, "That's only because it is impossible for Cylons to take off their shirts." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 170 Scene: Lucifer's throne room on the planet, formerly the dining hall for Megan's family. Lucifer: Bring in Starbuck! Two centurions stoically march out, and shortly thereafter march back in, dragging the still shirtless Starbuck.. Starbuck: Hey, come on, I'm coming, keep your shirt on. Centurion #1: It would appear, human, that you are the one without a shirt on, not us. Starbuck: And whose fault is that? Centurion #2: If I recall correctly, it is the writer's fault, based upon an audience survey which indicated that it is good for the ratings for at least one of the stars to have his shirt off at least oncarely-hanging-on occupants, finally all but launching out over the pool and dropping with a heavy splash and sending showers and small tidal waves in all directions, before sinking like a rock. A long centon later, four heads bob to the surface. Cassie: Help! Jolly: I've got you. The foursome swim to the nearest shore and drag themselves out onto the sand, to collapse in bedraggled, gasping heaps, except for Jolly, who looks exceptionally energetic and upbeat as he carries Cassie out of the admittedly low surf. All of their clothing is artistically ripped and torn in classic Star Trek tradition. Cal: Whew! We made it... Kimi: I think I swallowed half the pond... Jolly: That was fun. Cal: Are you insane? Kimi: Between the fall, the rocks, and the water, we could've been killed - we should've been killed! Cal: At least there were no turbo-toothed piscines down here, or we'd've been chomped to the bone. Kimi: Likely none of the piscines have ever survived the fall! Cal: What'll we do now? Jxciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boomer say, "There's only one thing we can do." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 171 Scene: The grasslands. Big grasslands. High grasslands. Really tall grasslands. Swaying grasses moving in various directions when there is no wind in any of those directions. In the midst of the rustling sea of grass, Boomer, Bojay, Carey, and Kenny struggle to find their missing teammate, Kevin, and a way out of the grass. Kenny: There's no way out. We're lost. We're hopelessly lost. Carey: It's never hopeless until we give up. Bojay: We're never going to find Kevin. He's gone forever. We should just give up on him and find our own way out! Kenny: See? We're giving up. It's hopeless. Boomer: We're not giving up! We're Colonial warriors and Colonial commandoes! We don't give up! Kenny: Why can't we? Are you saying there's something the average person can do that we can't? Boomer: Of course not, there's nothing the average person can do that we ready didn't care? Gabrielle: I don't! Avona: Dibs on spearing Cain-the-Pain! Or was it Cain-the-Insane? Gabrielle: Both! (Sighing.) But not unless I give the word, and then it's first spear, first speared. But for now, let's go take out my frustrations on the spectral dire daggits. We can spear them all we like and they keep coming back to get speared again. Mississippia: We've been hunting those daggits for days, and they keep getting away. We can't kill them. But you keep sending us after them - are you obsessed with those dire daggits? Gabrielle: I am not obsessed! Sancroixa: (Knowingly.) And she says she's not in love with Cain... Gabrielle: I do not love Cain! Sancroixa: You mean you're not sublimating your desire for him in this purported desire to spear that spectral dire daggit? Gabrielle: The only sublimating I'm going to do is to wish it were him I was spearing instead of the dire daggit, the next time I get that ghost! The Pegasus cheerleaders...uh, honor guard, enter the bay, e during an episode. Starbuck: And you thought of me? Of course you would, who else takes his shirt off as well as me? Thanks, guys. Lucifer: Don't become too arrogant, Lieutenant. It is impossible for a Cylon to take off his shirt. That is the only reason the audience settles for one of your humans taking off your shirt. Starbuck: Oh, yeah? And why would a human audience even want to see a bunch of circuits and gears and blinking lights even if one of you could take off your shirt? Centurion #1: He has obviously not seen the centerfold in the August issue of Popular Mechanics. Starbuck: I don't think I want to hear about this... Lucifer: You don't get to, even if you want to. We are here to question you about your fleet, not to tell you about the joys of Cylon sex. Starbuck: I really don't want to hear about this! This is a PG- rated series! Lucifer: Very well! Let us get on to the torture and questioning! Starbuck, how many warriors are in your fleet? Starbuck: Ummm, five, at last count. olly: Well, what do we have left for gear? They look around. Kimi: Looks like nothing. I guess we shouldn't have ditched our gear after all. Cal: We don't even have a laser or a communicatron! We didn't save anything useful! Jolly: (Smiling lovingly at Cassie, still in his arms and showing no hurry to get back to her feet.) I wouldn't say that. Kimi: (Inspecting her ripped, soaking wet, clinging remnants of uniform.) At least we've still got some kind of clothing, even if it's not in the best of condition. Cal: (Also inspecting his mostly-gone uniform.) Yeah. Say, Starbuck thinks he looks good without a shirt, he oughta see me in a ripped uniform! Cassie: (Her clothes are almost shredded too, but she's too intent on Jolly to notice.) So what do we do now? Jolly: What warriors always do. We go on. Cal: But we have no gear, no weapons, no transportation, and no way to contact the rest of our team! Jolly: I know. But hey, we've got strategically ripped clothes and we look good in 'em. Everycan't. Kenny: So we can give up and get out of here? Boomer: No. Not without Kevin. Carey: You know, I never liked Kevin. Bojay: Look! A tree! Carey: How can you tell? We can't see over the tops of the grass, it's way over our head! Bojay: Because I ran into the trunk, that's how! Ouch. I'm gonna need a med tech when we get back... Carey: We can climb the tree and see which way to go to get out of here! Kenny: Maybe we'll even see which way Kevin went. Carey, you climb- Carey: I don't wanna climb... Boomer: All right, I'll climb. At least it'll get me above these grassess... Kenny: And above whatever might be moving... No, wait, Boomer, I'll climb, I wouldn't dream- Carey: It was my idea to climb, I'll climb- Bojay: I'm the one who found it, I should get to climb- Boomer: I can see branches above - it's big enough that we can all climb it! And then we can look in all four directions and see everything there is to see. Carey: If the branches are that high, how are we going to reach themwhooping and hollering, and generally being athletic and ridiculous. Honor Guard: Cain and Gabrielle! Cain and Gabrielle! They'll send the Cylons straight to...*ahem.* They break into another gloriously athletic routine, ending up with the girl on the top of pyramid being tossed into air. She nearly bumps her head on a girder, but manages to grab and hang on as the pyramid personnel break away and head out of the bay again, still cheering and waving their silver-and-gold pom-poms. Girl on Top: Hey! Wait! Wait for me! You're not supposed to break formation until I come down! You're not supposed to leave me hanging! Gabrielle: (Face hidden in her hands.) Lords of Kobol, please don't say that was supposed to be in my honor... Sancroixa: (Tugging at Gabrielle's armband - there's no sleeve, after all.) We may have a new way to go after the dire daggits. Gabrielle: (Groaning.) Please, tell me. Anything to get my mind of this ridiculous situation. Sancroixa: Okay, let's try another ridiculous situ