"Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 236 Scene: The prison barge, where the prisoners, including the Nomen, Baltar, Zara, Paye, and Karibdis, are now freely roaming the ship, since ... well, you'll see. Maga: I love having the run of the prison barge! Taba: Yes, ever since they pulled all the guards off the barge to deal with the laundry strike and the mutiny by the Red and Blue females, no one has been here to tell us what to do. Bora: (Sighing.) Of course, it's not much fun being rebellious, chip-on-the-shoulder, big, bad Nomen when there are no warriors or guards to irritate and plot against. Taba: We could always plot against Baltar and Zara and their GETALIFE people. Bora: I like that idea.... Maga: I'm the senior Noman here, I get to say what we do! Let's go plot! Baltar: Hm, where are the Nomen going? Zara: Who knows? They're always going somewhere. Baltar: I just never trust them when they're going somewhere - I always wonder what they're up to. And knowing them, they're always up to something. Paye: I never trust them either, even when they're serving caff. Say, while they're gone, would this be a good time for an escape? Zara: Heavens, no, we'd have to make and serve our own caff! Karibdis: We have to make our own caff now - and I'm really getting tired of fixing that espresso machine every other day! Baltar: Let's take over the fleet, and order everyone else to make our caff! Zara: Oooh, I like that idea! Karibdis: I don't know if we could get away with that. Zara: Why not? Karibdis: They may have pulled all the guards off this ship, but there are still guards and warriors on the other ships. Paye: Oh, that's true.... Karibdis: And I suspect if we were to try to take over the fleet, Adama wouldn't negotiate with us any more than he did last time, and Cain wouldn't hesitate to blow us out of the stars. Zara: That's right! (Gazing suspiciously at Baltar.) He really hates Baltar. Paye: We all hate Baltar - he betrayed the Colonies. And we hate Karibdis too, for the same reason. Zara: Yes, but Cain really, Really, REALLY hates Baltar. Baltar: I'll bet he hates Karibdis too - he just doesn't know Karibdis is still alive. Karibdis: You weren't going to tell him, were you, Baltar, my dearly beloved boss whom I adore like a son loves a father and would do anything for? Baltar: Oh, quit sucking up, I remember you were ready to kill me. Karibdis: Only to kill Apollo - and killing him would be worth a little death, wouldn't it? Baltar: Not when it's mine! Paye: I hate it when those two start fighting. Zara: Yes. Makes me wonder how they ever managed to pull off the destruction of the Colonies the way they did. Paye: Shall we go have some caff? Zara: No, the caff is especially lousy today - I think Karibdis was in a bad mood when he worked on the espresso machine this morning - a computer whiz he may be, but a barrista he's not. Paye: I have an idea, let's see if we can sneak off the prison barge and go to the Rising Star! They're bound to have good caff there! Zara: Why not? The worst that can happen is we get shot out of the stars - and if we can't have good caff, life isn't worth living anyway. [Meanwhile:] Scene: An abandoned laboratory on the Galactica, where Boomer is still trying to reach the mysterious doctor, before Barbarella returns with her caff and her dire daggits droids. Boomer: (Still in the kennel.) Come on, Doctor, when are you...? Barbarella: (Face appearing out of conduit, her headdress somewhat askew and still trailing beads, as a blue police box appears in the corner.) Here I am! Hey, what's that? Boomer: Oops.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Barbarella say, "I thought I was the Doctor." X-UIDL: ILj!!UFm!!'pG"!HeS!! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 237 Scene: Wilker's abandoned lab on the Galactica, damaged in the explosion of a captive Cylon when Boomer and Starbuck attempted to tamper with it, and then taken over by Dr. Barbarella and her daggit droids (which are not the same as the dire daggit spectres which are haunting the Galactica conduits), where Boomer is being held prisoner, but has managed to construct a temporal communicator and is attempting to reach the Gallifreyan Doctor whose previous appearance was the cause of significant temporal disturbances in the fleet, including a love triangle of Bojay, Sheba, and Athena, and the survival of Zac, who initially died at Cimtar, but who now is not a warrior, but a doctor and very much alive, and the existence of Zed, his twin, who's also not a warrior, but a musician with the Spheroids, and meanwhile, don't forget Paye and Zara are escaping the prison barge, and I think that's enough stuff to put in one run-on sentence. Barbarella's just come back through from the conduit with caff, in time to see the appearance of a big blue box. The door pops open, and out steps a blond young-looking man. Doctor: Well, hello, Boomer! It's been a long time! Relatively speaking, of course, since it's only been a few days for you, but I've regenerated since I last saw you, and it's my second regeneration since I first saw you. Barbarella: Huh? Boomer: Oh-oh. Barbarella: What is that blue box doing in the corner? And who is this man and what is he talking about? Doctor: Hello! I'm the Doctor! Barbarella: I thought I was the Doctor. Boomer: No, you're a doctor. He's the Doctor. Barbarella: That's not fair. Doctor: (Grinning.) I think you'll find that a lot of this universe is unfair. Barbarella: Believe me, I've already figured that out. But where did you come from, and what are you doing here? And how did you get that big blue box in here so quickly? It looks like it would take five warriors to carry it, or ten security officers! Doctor: (Grinning more broadly.) Nobody carried it - it's a TARDIS, it carries itself. And it carries me too, and all kinds of other wonderful things. Barbarella: (Skeptically.) Isn't that a little egotistical? Doctor: Well, I am the Doctor, I'm allowed to be a little egotistical. And from the way you're dressed, I'd say you are too. Nobody else could get away with an outfit like that - but on you it looks good! Very reminiscent of the court garb of Emperor Ming of Mongo. Barbarella: The journalator Mongo? Doctor: No, the kingdom of Mongo. Barbarella: How can Ming be an emperor if it's just a kingdom? Doctor: He's got delusions of grandeur. His type generally do. How about you? Barbarella: I'm a mad scientist. I plan to take over the universe. Doctor: Ah! I see you've got things in common. So, Boomer, why did you call me? Boomer: Uh, there are some things that need to be set right.... Doctor: (Studying the kennel and the dire daggit droids romping at Barbarella's feet.) A number of them, I would say. Hmm, this calls for a little strategy. So, doctor who's not me, since I am Who, shall we all take a little time to get acquainted? I can offer you some tea. Barbarella: I hate tea. In fact, I'm not too keen on the caff these days, either. Nobody in the fleet seems to make a decent cup of anything. Doctor: Well, it just so happens that I've got a little caff stored aboard my TARDIS - for visitors and would-be emperors and mad scientists about to take over the universe. Barbarella: Sounds great. Can I bring my little daggit droids too? Doctor: Of course. I've got no objections to daggit droids. Boomer: Hey, what about me? There are some things I need to do - like fix the time stream so things are the way they're supposed to be! Doctor: How do you know they aren't already the way they're supposed to be? Boomer: Trust me, they're not. Doctor: You think so? (Grins mysteriously.) Well, then, come on, both of you. We'll have a little caff or tea, and see what's happening when! Barbarella: You're inviting Boomer too? I'm thinking of keeping him for a flunky. Do you invite flunkies to come with you? Doctor: Oh, all the time. Who better to serve the caff or tea than a companion ... uh, flunky? Boomer: I am nobody's flunky! Barbarella: Then I'm not letting you out of there. Boomer: Oh, all right.... I'll serve the caff - but I'm not doing windows! Doctor: Good thing the TARDIS has no windows.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Where's my son when I really need him?" X-UIDL: OES!!:G;"!1A`!!H0!"! "This is Journalator Koppel. The stand-off on the laundry ship appears to be over - because our security forces, sent to retake the ship, have retreated in suds. They report the ship has been overwhelmed with bubbles, and is completely uninhabitable. We are all extremely concerned about the safety of the women from Red and Blue Squadron, sent to handle the vessel and the mission in the midst of the laundry strike emergency, whose mutiny may be responsible for the sudsy situation. We are even more concerned about the status of our favorite Ganymede original tunic, which was aboard for washing when the bubbling began. More details as they become available. Meanwhile, here's the thirty-fourth secton anniversary episode of.... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 238 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where three colonels have just rushed in, to discover which of them would get to take command of the battlestar, the fleet, and life as we know it. They find themselves facing ... a wall of books and vids, and ... Adama. Tigh: (Staring.) But ... but.... Majer: (Tears welling up in his eyes.) I don't get to take over the ship? Pascal: (Glaring) The bartender said you were gone, sir! Requesting permission to execute him, sir! Adama: (Staring back at the colonels in mild confusion.) Permission denied. We like our bartender. He's humorous and sympathetic and he's the reason half of the women in the squadrons joined, so they could go the O Club and meet him. What are you all doing here, and what made you think I was gone? You know I'd never leave the Galactica - well, except to go to the Rising Star to watch a triad game, or to Kobol to review ancient hieroglyphs and pyramids that no one but me would understand, or to visit simple farming communities to buy seed because I was forced to by someone like Belloby, or- Tigh: Of course, sir, we should have known better than to believe the wild rumors you hear in the O Club. Majer: Ummm, is the flight officer position open? [There is a mumbling sound, and a hand appears above the stack of books and videos, waving weakly.] Omega: I'm here.... Get me out of here.... Adama: Sorry, Omega, no one else can get to your post, since I built that wall of books around it. You'll have to stay on duty. Omega: But I have to go to the turboflush! Adama: Sorry. You're stuck for the duration. Tigh: (Studying the stack of books and videos.) So what are you reading, Commander? And why? Adama: Iblis has returned, Tigh. And he has challenged me. I must be ready to face him. Pascal: By building a wall of books?! Adama: By reviewing every scrap of mystical knowledge still extant in the fleet. The wall is a last resort. Majer: Wow, there's a lot. Tigh: I never believed in that stuff.... Majer: You don't? I do, Commander! I believe it! I believe everything you say! I love ancient mysticism! I love resorts! Tigh: Quit sucking up. Adama and I balance each other. Majer. Oh. Adama: Hmm, according to this.... (Looks around.) Where's my son when I really need him? Tigh: Which one? Adama: Any of them! Tigh: Umm, I think Apollo's with Cordelia, picking out her wedding gown on the Rising Star at Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe and probably about to submit a massive bill for torn hems and ripped sleeves. Dr. Zac is on duty in life center, in the midst of a difficult experimental operation on one of the members of the Council of Twelve while Med Tech Nova is secretly harboring her true feelings for him. Zeb is on the Video ship, preparing a Spheroids music video for broadcast on IFB, about to face another mystery related to the secret sect known as GETALIFE. Majer: (Disbelievingly.) How do you know all that when you haven't even been on the ship? Tigh: (Shrugs.) That's another reason he keeps me around. Pascal: He probably just read tomorrow's script! Adama: (Slamming the book shut.) Let the word go forth to every shi in the fleet - bring my children here, all of them! The danger of Iblis must be met and defeated, if humanity is to survive! Pascal: Even Athena?! Adama: Yes. Even Athena. You never know. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Oops." X-UIDL: i);"!>]O"!%FO!!GD0!! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 239 Scene: Amanda's Immortal Fashion Shippe aboard the Rising Star. Apollo waits patiently for his beloved Cordelia, who is trying on gowns of many fabrics and colors. Amanda, however, is looking a little frazzled. There are actually a few blonde hairs out of place, although they look artistically wind-blown enough that the average viewer wouldn't notice. Apollo: Sorry about ripping the sleeve of that last dress, Amanda. Amanda: (Through gritted teeth.) Think nothing of it. It was only the third one you ruined. Apollo: It really looked beautiful, and I'm sure if I hadn't ripped it, Cordelia would have chosen it to wear at our sealing. But I'm sure she'll love this one too. [Cordelia comes out of the dressing room, swathed in yards and yards and yards of assorted delicate, wedding-dress-type fabrics. The stuff's so sheer, however, that anybody watching can still get an eyeful, and- ] Cordelia: Apollo, stop looking at me that way! And stop whistling, hooting, hollering, stamping your feet, and otherwise behaving like a stereotypical boorish construction worker in a bad episode of "Married with Children." Apollo: It wasn't me, Cordelia, really! I wouldn't do that! Cordelia: Then who is it? Apollo: The narrator! The audience! Cordelia: (Entreating.) Amanda, do something.... Amanda: Not a problem. (Snaps her fingers. The gown goes from transparent sheer to opaque silver trimmed with blue and the audience is suddenly speechless.) There. How's that? Cordelia: Aah! Thank you! Apollo: Ooh, it's beautiful, Cordelia! Cordelia: The silver matches the trim on your blue officer's uniform, Apollo! And the blue trim matches the blue of your blue officer's uniform! Amanda, you've done it again! It's perfect! Amanda: Thank the Lords.... Wait! Apollo, step back! Apollo: What? Why? Amanda: Uh.... Because it's bad luck for a groom to get too close to his bride before the wedding day! Especially when she's wearing her new sealing gown! Especially when it hasn't been paid for yet! Especially after you've already ruined three originals and turned down fifteen others! Apollo: Oh, you're right. Okay. (Steps back. And backs into a rack of gowns. Guess what happens.) Oops.... Sorry about that rack of dresses, Amanda.... Amanda: (Looking ready to tear her artistically wind-blown- looking hair out.) I'm glad I could never have children! They might have been like you! Apollo: Now how could they be like me? Only my father could have children like me! Amanda: Don't I know it! Apollo: Brave, heroic, handsome, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, willing to sacrifice everything for the good of our people.... Amanda: Able to topple hundred-thousand-cubit dress racks with a single stumble. [Mauser, one of the workers at the Ultra Salon on the Rising Star, dressed in silver and black and looking awfully good in what there is of it, rushes in.] Mauser: We've just received word from the Galactica! Captain Apollo, you're needed on the bridge, by Commander Adama, right now! Apollo: My father needs me! Let's go, Cordelia! Mauser: No! Specific orders are that Cordelia is not to go with you. Uh, she's supposed to finish her shopping! And stay on the Rising Star, no matter what! Cordelia: How did Commander Adama know I was shopping? Mauser: Colonel Tigh told him. Apollo: Are you sure it wasn't Omega? He's the one who knows everything. Mauser: Well, maybe he told Tigh and then Tigh told Adama. Apollo: Okay, that would explain everything. Okay. Cordelia, I guess we have to say good bye- Amanda: No kissing good bye while she's still wearing the dress! Uh, the wedding curse thing, remember? No getting close? Cordelia: Don't worry, Apollo. (She blows kisses to him.) Amanda and Mauser can help me finish. I'll be in good hands. Apollo: Right, right. All right, Cordelia, good bye. (Blows kisses back.) Amanda, Mauser, take good care of my precious Siress Cordelia.... Amanda: We will, Captain. Mauser: (Getting a good look at Cordelia.) Indeed we will.... Siress Cordelia, let me lend you my arm.... Cordelia: Oooh..... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Dr. Zac say, "I've got a life to save, and I can't do it in life center." ____________________________________________________________ _____ X-UIDL: Eb'"!R1[!!*K_!!JaF!! Background: Due to the alternate time line created by Boomer and Bojay's previous trip with the Doctor (which we didn't see), Adama now has four children, all alive -- Apollo, Athena, Zac, and Zeb. Apollo and Athena are the same, but Zac is a doctor (engaged to Gabrielle) and Zeb is a famous musician. ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 240 Scene: Life center aboard the Galactica. Tense, dramatic music plays in the background. Zac and several masked med techs are working over a patient in what is obviously a very serious operation of life or death importance. Nova: (Rushing into the operating room.) Doctor! Zac: Mask, med tech! Nova: Oh, right. (Rushes out, then reappears a bare micron later, fully masked and garbed for surgery.) Doctor! Zac: Yes, Nova, what is it? Nova: There's been an emergency with the power generators! Zac: We can't have an emergency with the power generators! I'm in the middle of a delicate and experimental operation on this Councilor's brain! Nova: Wow, you actually found one? Zac: Yes - and believe me, I don't want to lose it now! I may never find it again! So what's the emergency? Nova: Commander Adama is threatening to cut off the power generators! Zac: What? I know he hates the Council, but I can't believe he'd do that! Why? Nova: Supposedly, he needs to divert the power to the communications system and the scanners to enable him to track down all of his children and summon them to join him on the bridge of the Galactica so he can face down the evil demon Iblis! Med tech: But if he does that, we may lose this patient, doctor! Zac: I may lose more than my doctor's patience - I may lose this councilor! Med tech: Isn't that what I said? Zac: Wait! I know what to do! Nova: What? Zac: If my father's diverting power to enable him to find his children, of which I am one, all I have to do is report in, and he'll have no reason to divert the life center generator power! Nova: (Gazing raptly with adoration.) You're a genius, Dr. Zac! Zac: I know. Med tech, call Dr. Salik to take over this operation - I've got a life to save, and I can't do it in life center. Med tech: Right away, doctor. [Zac steps away from the operating table as Salik steps in. Zac pulls off his surgical whites and mask, which Nova quickly collects, hugging it to herself.] Zac: You know, Nova, it's a little strange to be hugging used surgical garb - it's bloody and icky and kinda sweaty and just plain weird. Nova: But doctor, I love you! I love everything about you, from your gorgeous hair and handsome face and tensely focused voice when you're in surgery, to your wonderful broad shoulders and [several paragraphs deleted by censorship board] all the way down to your cute little tootsies! And I collect your used surgical scrubs to remind me of you and the way your skilled and talented hands save so many lives. Zac: How many scrubs have you collected? Nova: I don't know, but my quarters are full of them and I have to sleep in the hall. Zac: Well, that explains why we're always running out of surgical supplies. But Nova, you know nothing could ever come of us! I'm engaged to Gabrielle! I love her! You could never be anything to me but a one-night stand, a quick fling, a passing memory as the days and yahrens of my life pass, the source of future despair and alienation and plot lines... Nova: I'd settle for that. Zac: But I can't. Nova: Why not? Zac: Gabrielle would kill me - I wouldn't have any days and yahrens of my life to pass. Nova: Darn. Well, then I guess you'd better report the bridge as ordered by Commander Adama, before he cuts off our power. Zac: On my way. Good luck with the surgery, Salik. Salik: Thanks, Zac. Drat, now where was that brain again...? Sire Melbrook: (Sitting up) Help! [A med tech immediately pulls out a sledge hammer and administers anesthesia.] Salik: Thank you, med tech. Hand me the laser saw.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Zeb say "Oh, bad karma." X-UIDL: 4mB!!_>Z"!1A8"!bG;"! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 241 Scene: The holovid ship, where Zeb and the Spheroids are filming a new music holovid, while the director, the agent, several videolators, and a gaggle of groupies watch. Zeb swings across the set from a vine; fifteen baton twirlers toss flaming batons back and forth; three flame spouts whoosh from the floor almost to the ceiling; two turbocycles caroom loudly across the set (yes, turbocycles - you remember the abomination); a flashy gold curtain rises to reveal a pair of scantily-clad, blue-and-silver painted alien-looking females riding striped leonine animals; the music swells.... And then security officer Lomas rushes in. Lomas: (Still a little wet behind the ears from the laundry ship rescue.) Stop this scene! Director: Cut! Who are you and what are you doing here? This is a closed set! Lomas: I'm security officer Lomas, and I've been sent to find Zeb the musician son of Commander Adama and bring him back to the Galactica to join his father and brothers on the bridge! Zeb: (Dropping onto the stage as his vine stops swinging wildly.) Sorry, I can't do that. Lomas: Why not? Zeb: Can't you see I'm mid filming of my latest soon-to-be-a- hit music holovid? Leonine animals: Grrr.... Zeb: See? Lomas: What's that got to do with the survival of the fleet and the banishment of evil and the continued existence of the universe? Zeb: Hey, you think my groupies care about little things like that? Agent: All right, buddy, you heard the man, stop interfering with the music holovid. Lomas: But ... but.... Zeb: That may be my better side, but I'm saving it for later in the holovid. [Fifteen pairs of women's underwear come flying out of the shadows; Zeb barely dodges.] Zeb: Oh, bad karma! Agent! Tell the audience and the groupies not to throw any more underwear until the laundry ship is back in operation. Agent: Right, Zeb, baby. All right, ladies, you heard the great and owerful Zeb.... Lomas: But ... but.... Leonine animals: Grrr.... Zeb: Do I need to sic the leonines on you? Lomas: Yikes! (Grabs the nearest vine and quickly climbs out of reach.) Zeb: Hey, he's good at that! Maybe he can be my stand-in. Or swing-in. I was never a good swinger. Agent: Zeb, baby, you're the greatest swinger! Zeb: Yeah, yeah, and you're the greatest boot-licker. Director: (Sighing heavily.) This music video is going nowhere! Zeb: Of course it's going somewhere! The fleet is moving, the ship is moving, therefore the music video must be moving. Director: Are you kidding? At this rate I'm going to have gray hair by the time it's done! Zeb: Wow.... But if you'll have gray hair, won't I already be dead? Agent: Probably, Zeb, baby. We all will. That guy would put Dick Clark to shame. [Enter Secret Agent Jennifer of Council Security.] Jennifer: (Striking an appropriate pose - use your imagination.) Hi, there. (Flashes a smile.) I'm looking for Zeb the musician. Every man on the set: (Dropping to their knees.) I can be Zeb for you! Jennifer: (Laughing indulgently.) I'm sure you all can ... but I just want one Zeb.... (Her voice drops seductively.) The real Zeb.... The only Zeb for me. Zeb: I'll follow you anywhere.... Jennifer: (All business.) You only have to follow me to the bridge of the Galactica. Zeb: When did you start working for my father? Jennifer: When Siress Tinia loaned me out to the Commander because the rest of security was stranded on the laundry ship. Now come along.... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Athena say, "Sure, now you look for me!" X-UIDL: njZ"!;EA"!oN%!!,9#"! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 242 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Apollo, Zac, and Zeb all rush in. Apollo: Commander Adama! Father! Zac: We're here! Zeb: What's the emergency? Adama: Ah, my three sons. All here, as ordered. Tigh: Um, didn't you want Athena here, too? Adama: Oh, that's right.... So who's looking for her? [The three colonels and three sons look at each other.] Majer: Uh ... was somebody ordered to look for her? Pascal: Wasn't me, sir! Tigh: I thought you ordered someone else to find her. Zac: Couldn't have been me. I'm a doctor, not a missing person finder. Zeb: Don't look at me. I'm a musician, I don't even know my way around this ship. Apollo: I'll look for her, Father. Where shall I start? Adama: Hmm.... Athena's Voice: Hey! Colonels and sons: (All together.) What's that?! Athena's Voice: It's me! Adama: Athena, where are you? Athena's Voice: I'm here! Adama: (Looking around.) Here where? Athena's Voice: Here! On the bridge! [Everyone looks around.] Apollo: Where? Athena's Voice: Here! (A hand sticks out of the stacked books and vidoes and waves.) I'm here! You buried me in books along with Omega! Omega's Voice: Are you sure I can't go to the turboflush? Adama: Shut up, Omega. Athena, come out of those books right now. I need all my children here. Athena: Sure, now you look for me! Now you need me here - after you send out fleet-wide emergency alerts to find my brothers! You didn't even realize I wasn't here until they all showed up! You didn't even realize I was here! Majer: (Looking puzzled.) We didn't realize she was here, or didn't realize she wasn't here? Adama: Now, Athena.... Athena: What if I'd been kidnaped by Cylons or beta pirates or civilian survivors or fellow officers with mushie motives? Tigh: (suddenly looking alarmed.) Nobody said anything about mushies! Athena: What if I'd gone on furlough to the Rising Star without telling anybody and without getting a substitute to handle my duties? Pascal: (Muttering. Well, as much as he's capable of muttering.) Can she do that?! Go on furlough?! Majer: (Also muttering.) She's a commander's daughter, she can do anything she wants. Remember how often Sheba got away with things on the Pegasus. Tigh: Sheba still does. Athena: I mean, would you even have noticed, Father? Apollo, Zac, Zeb, dear brothers, would any of you even have noticed? Majer: Boy, can she throw a tantrum! [Books and videos suddenly go flying as Athena performs a magnificent scissors kick (not that anyone can see it, you'll just have to imagine it) and appears out of the now- tumbled remains of Adama's carefully constructed stacks.] Tigh: She can also kick. Apollo: Yeah, just ask Starbuck and Bojay and half the security officers on this ship. Athena: (Stalking over to join her brothers.) All right, Father, whaddaya want? But it's gonna cost you. Whenever this crisis is over, I'm going shopping! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Boxey say, "Will you take some mushies instead?" X-UIDL: Naj!!^R&"!QSR"!ED_"! "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 243 Scene: The Jolly and Cassie Ship. Boxey and a group of children are cheerfully clustered around a crate just delivered from the Bakeryship. Luna: Wow! Look what the Dread Captain Robert sent us today! Moonstone: Well, that was the deal with Papa Jo and Mama Cass - all the mushies we wanted and pool parties on Saturday. Luna: What's a Saturday? I don't remember ever having one. Boxey: I think it's the excuse they use when they don't want us having a pool party. Luna: Oh. That explains why they never let us have a pool party. Can we start on the mushies now? [Enter Jolly and Cassiopeia, looking rather ... dazed and mesmerized and stunned and generally under someone else's control. With them is ... Damian. However, it's a strangely adult Damian, all grown up, overnight. And boy, is he good-looking! He's tall and dark and slim with dark eyes and a mustache - but no beard. Uh-uh, no beard. Think Ben Affleck. Think it some more.] Damian: Good bye, oh playmates of my brief and supernaturally accelerated childhood. I'm ready now. [The children peer at him quizzically.] Boxey: Ready for what? Damian: Ready to carry out my mission here. Ready to go help my father take over the Galactica, the fleet, the galaxy, and the universe. Luna: That sounds like more than one mission. Boxey: Wow. In that order? Damian: Seems the most logical way, start small then move up. Boxey: I guess so. But it sure seems like a lot of work and not much fun. Damian: Nobody ever said taking over the universe was going to be fun. Boxey: Then why do it? Damian: Uh ... because my father says so. Boxey: That's a stupid reason to do something. Damian: Hmmm. Boxey: Will you take some mushies instead? Damian: I don't think so. My father wouldn't approve of that. Boxey: But ... but these are the dread Captain Robert's very best double-choco choco-frosted mushies with choco chip cookie centers wrapped around an extra-large choco with a cherry center! Damian: Sorry, Boxey, but I'm beyond mushies now. Boxey: Beyond mushies? No! There's no such thing! Damian: (Staring longingly at the tray of mushies.) I wish. But my father says I'm beyond mushies, so I have to be beyond mushies. Boxey: If my father tried to tell me I was beyond mushies, I'd tell him where to go. Damian: I think he already came from there. But I gotta go now, Boxey. See you later! Maybe. Papa Jo, Mama Cass, let's go. Moonstone: How did Damian get all grown up overnight? Luna: I don't know. But I think I just became old enough for my first crush. Moonstone: Just so you don't crush the mushies. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the bartender say, "No, you can't keep him." ~~~~~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 244 Scene: The Officers Club, where a selection of warriors are enjoying a few imbibables, with the able assistance of a bartender named Samson, and three waitresses named Carla, Diana, and Rebecca. Greenbean: You know, I like the new decor in here. Giles: Yeah. It's less utilitarian and metallic and futuristic. Ares: Very homey, almost primitive. The dark wood gives it a cozey atmosphere. Barton: I don't know, the wood bar gives me splinters.... Croft: You're not supposed to try to slide on it! Barton: Why not? The baharri does! Samson the Bartender: That's because I'm good. Diana: I'll say. Carla: Aren't you supposed to be serving the pilots? Diana: With you here, it doesn't matter if the fleet's in, they all get served! Carla: Yeah. 'Cuz I'm good, too. Rebecca: I hate it here. Giles: You're not going to start throwing drinks on us again, are you? Rebecca: Are you a man? Barton: Look out, that's a trick question! [As they all carry on with their business, they hear a sudden rumble above them. Everybody looks up, then, with a sense of resignation, hastily duck under tables and the bar. After a moment, the reason becomes evident - a ceiling panel gives way, and is followed by a falling figure in blue. ] Diana: Sam, looks like we'll need to call the conduit repair tech again - people are starting to drop in. Carla: (From under the table.) Which wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't drop in on top of us! Samson: Yeah, I know... Who is it this time? Omega: (Coughing and climbing free of the dust and debris from his fall.) It's ... me, Omega.... Samson: How did you get here? Omega: I tunneled my way down through the Commander's stack of books and videos, straight through the conduit, through the ceiling, and here into the O Club. Samson: Wow, I didn't realize we were right underneath the bridge. Omega: Well, I might have taken a left turn at the Albuquerque junction. Diana: Sam, dear, wasn't that Petticoat junction? Samson: Petticoats? So that's why the lepus always wants to take a left turn at Albuquerque.... Carla: (Taking a good long look at the drop-in.) Oooh, can I keep him? Samson: No, you can't keep him! He's a bridge officer, he's got duties and responsibilities! Carla: He's got great biceps and nice sweet buns! Croft: Hey, those are my sweet buns! I especially ordered them from Captain Robert of the Bakeryship! He just dropped them off, they're still warm! Carla: I'll say! Omega: Hands off! I've gotta go! Samson: Where are you going? Carla: Doesn't matter, I'll follow you anywhere.... Omega: Never mind where I'm going! I've gotta go! Somebody hold her back! Ares: Who'd risk it? [Omega head for the door and disappears, Carla in hot pursuit. Croft just hangs on to his buns.] Rebecca: Are you gonna answer me or not? Are you a man? Giles: Uh ... yeah.... Rebecca: Porcine. (Flings the mug of baharri in Giles's face.) Barton: Told ya. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I'm bored now."