** Starbuck's Softer Side A Wink From the Fairy Queen Cassiopeia Cylons in the sky Their Base Ships everywhere Baltar needs new hair. Starbuck and Cassie Naked in a launch tube they Why not the steam bath? Rigel on the Bridge At her post just like always "Please shoot my right side?" Sheba in her ship Blasting Cylons out of space Where did her hair go? Nomen all around Shooting up the launch bay, they Can they wear real hats? Tylium is low "We need fuel right away, Tigh Where's the Costco card?" Lucifer attacks Launching Raiders into space How'd he climb the throne? Sheba is so hot I really like that dress, yeah! Did she burn her bras? Where is Athena? I want her back with us, now Death to the critics! These are really bad. I cannot write poetry Yeah right like duh, huh? Apollo Gets Some Starbuck Gets It All the Time Fair's Fair War-Daggits Command, Adama! Tigh Has Run Off With Rigel Omega is Sad Celestial Chamber Transparent Tylium Streaks Window Cleaner Cries Wilker Hides His Booze In the Defunct Cylon Head No-one Knows He's Lit Baltar, Lucifer Business Together is Fine Selling Used Shuttles Adama, Alone His Secretary is Gone Tigh, Take a Letter Play Twister, Starbuck Go Through the Cylon Death Traps Frolick Amongst Them Tiptoe through tulips Only if your eyes are closed Need more ambrosa Ambrosia's worn off I need Doctor Salik's help Where's the turbo-flush? Strong hands support me Goodbye, humiliation Tucked into my bed Cassiopeia Bring me the large bucket please Hey, where are my pants? Starbuck got me drunk Sheba won't let me come home Hey, where are your pants? Head breaking open Klaxon screaming in my brain Lurching out of bed I am not drinking Then I would have an excuse I was born this way I am not drinking -- Inappropriate humor -- Not much difference. Giles, Greenbean, Brie Where were you in Hand of God? Is Athena there? Report Omega Why is Athena not here? Was she abducted? Dad! Dad! Where's Muffy? He went for a walk outside. Does he have his leash? Iblis' turbo-wash Cleanliness is next to, oh Mephistopheles Baltar can you say 'You haven't seen the last of-' With dust in your nose? Tall Centurion Tell me why you have a sword The good guys have guns Omega: "She what?! With who?!" Adama dismayed. "More Ambrosia. Fast!" "Greetings, Adama. Athena and I are at The basestar of love." Baltar, not my girl! Look, you are my nemesis! I will not approve! Is Boxey there too? Baltar, give me the daggit Grandpa misses you! Round Robin I have Part one to seventy eight Where is the next one? Nogow wears a badge He is not a villian now He is now the law Croad was not so bad He was just misunderstood He got no back pay Laserta, run fast! Red Eye has lost the shoot-out Apollo packs heat Commandant Leiter His uniform is too tight It makes him cranky Prison food, Nomen Baltar overcooked the birds But the buns are good Unclean subject lines Has Iblis been involved here? Language barriers Tolen, my stick broke My good pants need to be cleaned Please polish my boots Apollo has gone To the Celestial Chamber Sheba finds him there They close the hatch and make out Then they laugh and watch the stars Starbuck gambles well Deals the cards with nimble hands Fumarello fumes Smoke drifts up in curling wisps Pyramid night to recall Cassiopeia She was hurt in the attack Apollo saved her Starbuck got a date with her And Doctor Paye fixed her arm Belloby was brash She had an energizer She saved the mission She saw the power sled tracks Adama? Still too refined Chameleon sits Pleading with Cassie to lie She doesn't want to She wants him to tell the truth He says he'll do it someday Barton played triad Ortega was his partner Ortega was killed Starbuck got blamed for the crime Charybdis really did it Cain is abrasive But he's a good Warrior He took on Baltar He and Baltar disappeared Sheba still thinks Cain's alive Tigh and Adama They often stand on the bridge If they have sore feet They haven't complained of it They are two real stand up guys Siress Blassie knew Chameleon was a rogue She had currency She spent it on his ducat She was amused by his charm My ship's name is dumb I fled the Cylons in it It's an old clunker Renaming it is too hard Who will go out and paint it? We have vermin here Why did we not bring a cat? There's a daggit drone But I don't think it kills rats Can somebody spray the ship? We have cockroaches. Very nasty cockroaches. How do we kill them? Bugs are on the ships Komma is afraid of them They ate his tunic A ship full of vermin she be Couldn't do naught about it you see Pesticides didn't work And it drove us berserk So we switched to Ambrosa from tea. Starbuck has cooties Doctor Salik took his pants "This won't hurt for long" The vermin were thick everywhere The Colonial Fleet in despair I want to go home Uri cried with a moan I just saw a rat over there! So a piper was hired on the spot He paraded through mire and rot He played them a tune >From mid morning till noon Uri asked, "What the frack have we bought?" The vermin had ruined her nap So Belloby set out a trap Mushies she used 'Cause they were infused With oodles of chemical crap Starbuck slipped into his ship He yelped from the pain in his hip He jumped metrons high Right up into the sky Long-range scans picked him up as a blip The cooties, they seemed to be gone But a pillow he had to sit on Cassie, he said There's bugs in my bed Can I borrow your spare languatron? My languatron, Starbuck, but why? Talk to them? Don't even try. They must leave the bed You heard what I said Those cooties must be made to die! A ship launched from the closed Beta Bay Who's the pilot? They just couldn't say. He was hairy and small And in spite of it all Took the Rat Patrol to Space on that day The Fleet called out loud as one nation We need thorough extermination We're bitten and bumpy Our beds are all lumpy Adama, please hear our frustration All right, the Commander did say I will solve all your problems this day For I'm listening to tales Of such paramount scales So new beds are all on the way! The vermin were gone it was true They left and the joy of the crew Was deep and so hearty They threw a big party And the vermin descended anew Adama saw bugs He could not believe his eyes "There are more of you..." Apollo could not keep it straight New beds, no, but Father please wait. Where did you buy them? We've not even tried them It could be the Cylons' new bait Ah, my son, don't worry your head You just need a soft, down pillow bed Find a lovable girl Grab her hand, take a whirl And you'll sleep the sleep of the dead Everyone wanted out of the Fleet And Adama was feeling the heat Then a hairy, big rat Ate his amulet, microns flat In surprise he fell on his seat Baltar saw big bugs Inside the Cylon raider They looked back at him Apollo did not understand How his Father could be so off-hand The beds were a gamble The Cylons might scramble He knew an attack they had planned Still he took his father's advice Not needing to tell him so twice Wild lovemaking passed He snuggled up fast Exhausted slumber was nice Apollo awoke to a sound A klaxon that made his head pound His bed tipped him over He peeked from the cover A Cylon was standing around He lurched for his Colonial gun But instead grabbed a handful of bun Sheba shrieked very loud But Apollo was proud Cos the Cylon he started to run The human has just made a sound In my helmet it rattled around The shriek was so high My circuits are fried My program, my evil, not found Come, Sheba! They rushed to Command It's Cylons, we must take a stand Turned up unicom high Pinched her astrum and thigh She shrieked--face connected with hand The Cylon-beds all fell apart The vermin once more could take heart They had no more beds Just blankets instead "Told you so" "Apollo don't start" Apollo! Light Ships! Starbuck yells and looks handsome Ships of Light Shimmer I've had enough, Adama sneered Get back the Piper, do you hear? But it sometimes seem to go That people are a little slow Instead, they went to drink some beer Iblis' on the lam He struck Apollo, and paid The Light Ships made him John has big buttons He's a Light Ship Alien He knows how to dress Father and Son took the shuttle Into the bulkhead it scuttled Tigh fixed everything He blamed a bad wing Adama's respect was unruffled Ambushed by Cylons! We have come to the disco Feed us, Ovions Uri drinks the grog He is a politician He is greedy, too Destroy all our arms We'll stay with the Ovions Somebody feed me Tigh swatted a bug from his pack As he scaled the bulkheads out back He'd tracked the foul bugs To the Council room rugs Now he worked on a plan of attack Gall-monging Cylons! Your baseship doesn't scare me Tolen, Take her in! Sheba, you missed one I really wanted a son But you did alright Cassiopeia You love Starbuck. That's alright. You're too young for me I want my own way I'm going on this mission The tanker blew up I can't find my stick Adama's still mad at me. My ascot's too tight. Apollo, my boy If you marry my daughter I will be your dad Where are you going? Why are you running away? Apollo, come back! Daddy, how could you? The Captain was a sure thing. You've ruined my life! I'm sorry, Baby. Look, I'll get him back for you I do outrank him Lost planet, Kobol Adama finds the temple Baltar got there first Apollo is wed It is an ill-fated love He is soon widowed Oh frak! Athena! I know you are my wingman Please don't shoot me down That Deitra can fly She looks cool in her jacket Is she still single? It's dusty in here Of me, you've not seen the last! Get this thing off me! The Council Room seemed all in order Until Colonel Tigh crossed its border Attached to his pack Was a bug-spraying rack Of bottles that gave out an odour "Take that you vermin!" Tigh cried But the pump on his sprayer had died The vermin peeked out From their rugs, still in doubt At the bottles now Tigh madly pried Tigh, out of bug spray. Maybe he can fix the pump He /is/ the Colonel. The launch bay smells bad How often do they clean it? Are the bugs there too? Oh you Ovions. You were big enough to see. Not like these vermin. Writing time travel. I may have injured my brain Sub plot's a challenge. Boomer, a white suit. Ships of Light give him a turn He has nice muscles. Time loops are a pain in the time loops are a pain in the time loops are... Time loops are a pain Let's do the Time Loop again It drives one insane It's alright Robin. I'm doing a crossover. I get a viper. Frak! This uniform. Can't I wear my cape and mask? What's this button do? Oh. Turbo. I see. Can I keep a Cylon head? It's for Alfred's desk. Tinia? Time Loop! Get the Council in a line. They must do the dance. They've done it before. Adama! You old Daggit! It's a Time Loop, duh. Baltar, take that. Zap! Baltar takes a laser burst. Boomer takes a bow. Wait! I'm not dead yet. Ow! Stop standing on my throat. I mean it, Boomer! Baltar, eat my boot. You betrayed humanity. Get your Pogees kicked! A danger to write, Too much romance all at once Fan fiction is hard. My brain needs lasers Time to get back to Boomer He can shoot Cylons. That will help my brain. I find romance hard to write Action is my style. Boomer pick a fight! Fly your ship. Go get Baltar. Show me your muscles. Ah. Boomer's muscles. Feeling better already. Time for chapter two. Council of the Twelve Bureauticians, one and all. Wise ones or vermin? Oh, look, what I found. Galacticamania! Cool Purple Cover. Baltar, walking corpse. Put a target on his back. Dead guy - yes, again. Omega looks stern. He's listening to music. Tigh thinks he's working.   He's quite sensitive. He likes Taurean love songs. Nods at Colonel Tigh.   Wishing for furlon. Changes the scanner settings. Look! It's a basestar!   Never mind, Colonel. It was not the Cylons, Sir. It was a space rock. Colonial Fleet. Rag Tag Fugitives in space. This is Baltar's fault. Give us more fresh fruit. The vegetarians cried. Keep your roasted birds. Dad! No more mushies. Salik says they're not real food. What will we eat now? What does Baltar eat? He must have a small garden. He plots as he weeds. Tigh chews out pilots. They all fear his crazy talk. They've not seen him eat. Embrace the old draft. It made way for the new one. At least purple's cool. Like an old diary. Old draft skeletons rattle. No story'd be worse. Old purple fanzine. The writing and art were fracked. Die, old fanzine, die. Bah, embarrassing! We wrote like 12-year-old kids. Die, old fanzine, die. Ah, I hear rattling. Skeleton in my closet. I really hate that. Galactica fan. In love with the characters. Hence the need to write. Good guys always win. The bad guys keep on trying. Who will crash land next? Suspension of doubt, The fans' imaginations. A variety. The characters live. Their breath is the printed page. I like the vipers. Sheba and Bojay. Pegasus' Silver Spars. Joined Galactica. Cassiopeia She and Sheba are now friends. "She dated my Dad." Apollo. Starbuck. Attacking between basestars. Making way for Cain. Cain must come again. He was abrasive, but brave. Could be in deep space. You old war-daggit. Gall - monging Cylons retreat! Fear the Pegasus. Chameleon lied. Made decisions for Starbuck. The old man meant well.   Maybe he was wrong. Starbuck's life could be better. If he had a dad.   The Nomen are pissed. They got locked up over it. They don't like Starbuck.   Why's it either/or? Fly a viper. Be with Dad. Apollo does both.   Make up for lost time? Bet on father/son furlons. And keep the girl, too.   Cassiopeia. She could pressure Dad to tell. He promised he would.   It's complicated. Being Starbuck ain't easy. Starbuck grins and smokes. Boomer flies his ship. Sure and steady when he fires. Lasers slice raiders. Calm on Carillon. A skeptic seldom panics. Trust no Ovions. Searched the Rising Star. Pulled his gun on Uri's guard. Liberated food. Rejuvention. Was set to have a furlon. He hot-linked the door. Steady as a rock. Boomer seems solid and true. And, oh, the muscles. Turbo charged viper. "The most sophisticated . . . " The Skipper said that. Fly in formation. "Boomer, there's one on your tail." Laser its pogees. Frak. Another one. Why are these raiders all here? We were on furlon. Cylons are destroyed. Good guys' laser cannons win. Back to the bar now. Bojay's Silver Spar. Commander Cain's first strike wing. Sheba has turned Blue.   Bojay buys some ale. They drink a toast to Cain's health. Sheba's eyes are sad. Evil Count Iblis. He wants Apollo's Sheba. He freaks Baltar out. He's brave to wear white. Is it after Labour Day? Not by his time zone. Corporal Komma. The computers run smoothly. It's because of him. He braved the fire. He may be a girl watcher. But he's rock solid. How would Komma grow? He would get a promotion. He could be bossy. Komma keeps records. Might Adama have journals? He may trust Komma.