[victims.txt - Victims of Battle] Title: Victims of Battle Author: Lauralee Copyright © 1998 Rating: PG (for adult themes) Summary: In my At the World's End Universe. Some Starbuck and Cassi angst. Character vignette. Will probably fit in between ATWE2, chapter 1 and Grace Under Pressure. We're a yahren past Hand of God. Author's, plea, I mean, Note - this is a first draft, so be kind! ---------------------------------- Chapter 2 - Victims of Battle Starbuck hesitated a moment outside the Life Center of the Battlestar Galactica. He couldn't help remembering all the other times he had walked into that room to say goodbye to Cassi. Each time hoping that it wasn't the last time, and more recently, hoping that Cassi wouldn't point out that fact. He knew that it was hard on her, he just really hated to see the pieces of her heart come tearing off. It made him really want to avoid seeing her before he left on a mission. Starbuck sighed, caught up in his thoughts. He knew that Cassi's reactions weren't intentional, neither of them could help the way things were. He was a warrior and Cassi was a healer. Even before she became a Med Tech, she had healed people. As a Socialator she had offered her comfort to other warriors, even Commander Cain. Cain. That seemed to be the crux of the problem. Sometimes it seemed to Starbuck that he would never stop living in the Old War Daggit's shadow. Though she never admitted it, Starbuck had a strong feeling that Cassi had loved the older warrior. And she had lost him. In battle. On a mission. Just like she might lose Starbuck, another man she loved. Lords of Kobol knew he realized it wasn't easy for her to watch him fly off and do battle and not be able to do anything but wait for the news of his success or his demise. He knew he couldn't do it. He just wished he could find a way for them to handle it better. Their relationship hadn't been that way in the beginning. Not even after all the horrors they had experienced with the destruction of their worlds. They had found a haven from the turmoil in each other and it had worked really well for a while. Maybe they were both less invested or caught up in the challenge? Maybe they were just trying so hard to block out the real world that they hadn't been themselves. Starbuck wasn't sure what the reason was and he tried to avoid overanalyzing it all. What he did know was that it was starting to wear him down, the emotional scenes before a mission. The first time had been a little over a yahren ago before their last face off with the Cylons. But now, over a yahren later, the pattern was wearing thin. Every mission he went on, and even his regular patrols, were taking their toll on her. On them. He loved her, she loved him. They still couldn't seem to get past how much she hated to get left behind while he went off the "get himself killed following his wing mate on a death-wish quest," as she put it in one of their uglier confrontations. Now his wingmate also happened to be the woman he had been in love with when he and Cassi had met, Athena. The woman who now got to protect him during the dangerous times while Cassi sat and waited. It was a lethal combination - the jealousy and the resentment. While Cassi admitted the feelings weren't logical or fair, but just how sthe felt sometimes, Starbuck was afraid that it was his relationship with Cassi that was going to be their victim. He didn't want that to happen. Starbuck, for once, wanted to make a relationship work! Before their attack on the basestar Cassi had broke the unspoken rule and admitted how deeply she cared for him. It had touched him deeply. Before Cassi, whenever a woman would show that much emotion for him he would run in the other direction unless he initiated the conversation. He had discovered that he was tired of running and after he returned he had summoned the courage to commit to her exclusively. He had naively believed that making the commitment would be enough. Cassi had soothed him when he was destroyed, when his world was gone and Athena had refused to commit when he asked, he never thought she could be the catalyst for more pain. . Unfortunately, he couldn't deny how hard it was for them to be together lately. He had to give his wing mate credit, in addition to being a reliable back up, she had been more than patient with his temper and preoccupation while they were out on patrol. She had even given him some advice when he had been desperate enough to ask and she had urged him not to give up, but standing outside the Center right then he would have loved nothing better than to have run in the opposite direction. Starbuck sighed again and looked at the ceiling for a moment. he mentally prodded himself into physical movement. ------- Cassi turned from the patient she was directing to an examination room and saw Starbuck walking into the Life Center. she noted to herself, wryly, when she saw his big grin. "Starbuck, hi," she said with a smile on her face. "Hey Cass," Starbuck responded. He wasn't sure what else to say. They both knew why he was there. Neither of them, however, wanted to address it. They stood there dumbly for a few centons. Starbuck broke first. "Aw Cass, I hate this. Really, I do. But I have to..." "I know Starbuck, let's go back here for a micron," Cassi cut off his explanation. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into an empty storage room. "I know that I haven't been handling this well lately, but I really do understand. I'm just so afraid of losing you. I care about you so much. I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to." Cassi placed her hand gently on his cheek and looked into his eyes. "But I really do understand. I just can't help how I feel and sometimes I resent having to share you with the rest of mankind. You're my hero and I can be pretty territorial!" Cassi smiled brightly at him. "Go kick some ass Captain." Starbuck thought to himself and smiled back. "Thanks Cass," he reached a hand out and pulled her to him. Their lips met and the two lost themselves in their connection, blocking all thoughts of "what if" for a few centons. "Dinner when I get back?" "You bet," Cassi went along with his light-hearted banter. She could do this. She could send him off on a mission without making it harder on him. "I certainly do," Starbuck chuckled at her pun. He kept his hand on the back of her head and leaned in closer. "I bet that I can show you how much I appreciate your effort when I get back," he whispered suggestively. she thought to herself as she started to drown in his eyes. she felt a thrill in her stomach, as she always did when she was near him. "I love you, may the Lords be with you," she whispered back. "I really want my, uh, reward," she resumed their banter. She leaned forward into his embrace. "Now go, before your wingmate ends up doing all of your pre-flight checks again. You'll never be out of her debt at this rate." Starbuck gave her another squeeze before pulling away with a laugh. "Who knew when I taught her to play pyramid when she was a kid that it would come back to haunt me now?" he shrugged, referring to the hole he had dug himself into one night when he bet a secton's worth of pre-flight checks on a hand of pyramid. If only he hadn't began to trust her like she was his own right arm, then he would have stuck with monetary stakes and not dug himself into this hole. "I'll win my time back. Don't worry about. Even Athena's luck can't hold out that long," he predicted, with unknowing foresight. Cassi rolled her eyes. "Maybe the lesson is not to bet against her but to bet with her? You two would make a formidable team on the Rising Star." "We're already a formidable team among the stars, which we won't be if I don't get moving. Don't work yourself too hard," Starbuck smiled at her and at her nod ran out the door towards the launch bays. Cassiopeia stood and watched him leave, a tear running down her cheek. ----------------- Starbuck sprinted through the halls of the Galactica. A lightness of spirit he hadn't felt in sectons coursing through his veins. His Cassi was back. The woman of courage and spirit had returned to him. he foolishly thought.