A Friend's Farewell
                    A Battlestar Galactica story
                        by Marion Duerselen
                          January 25, 1998

	"Boomer?" Lieutenant Starbuck's voice came impatiently over the
intercom and had the dark man turn his head to look over to the viper
flying next to his.
	"Yes, Starbuck?"
	"We are far enough out, don't you think? Let's get back to the
Galactica."
	Lieutenant Boomer silently sighed to himself and tried to keep his
voice calm as he replied to his companion. "Starbuck, we just got to
this quadrant. You know we can't go back until we have it thoroughly
checked." Boomer couldn't see the cross expression on his friend's
face, but he knew him well enough to know that it was there. The tone
in the blond man's voice confirmed his assumption only a micron later.
	"Boomer, for Sagan's sake. We have been out here for two centars
already and there is no sign of Cylons anywhere. I really think that
should do for now."
	"Don't you think I know how you feel? I know, why you are so eager
to get home and if it was my decision, I would turn this very micron.
But the survival of the fleet depends on the patrols! I don't have to
tell you what might happen if we miss just the slightest little thing
out here."
	Starbuck gave a furious snort and hit a button on his panel while
he muttered an angry "Frak! Of all the stupid..." to himself. He
stopped his cursing as a small red light on the panel indicated that
his connection with the Galactica's bridge was active.
	"Galactica bridge? This is patrol 1 ..."
	"Starbuck! Are you crazy? What are you doing?" Boomer's voice
shifted from strict and yet understanding to angry. Starbuck ignored
him and waited a split micron until he heard Rigel's voice answer.
	"This is Galactica bridge. Is there a problem, Lieutenant?"
	Starbuck took in a deep breath, suddenly afraid to continue. His
expression was tense as he finally replied. "No, no problem. Any news
on Captain Apollo's condition?"
	There was silence at first. Then Colonel Tigh's voice resounded in
the headphones of the two viper pilots. He spoke quietly, dangerously
quiet. Still his voice seemed to fill the cockpits of both vipers.
"There has been no change in the Captain's condition yet. I understand
that this is a matter of importance to you, Lieutenant, but in case you
forgot, you may be in enemy territory. Any transmission of this kind
may lure the entire Cylon forces to the fleet. If you ever again break
the communication silence between your patrol and the fleet, unless it
is a matter of real importance, I will have you suspended immediately.
Do I make myself clear, Starbuck?"
	"Yes, Sir."
	The red light on Starbuck's panel disappeared as the Colonel broke
off the connection without any further word. Silently the blond man
leaned back in his seat and stared onto the starfield beyond the
transparent Tylinium of his cockpit's canopy.
	"Are you okay?" Boomer's voice called him back into reality and
stopped his thoughts from drifting off any further.
	"Sort of." He sighed audibly over the unicom before he continued.
"Let's get this patrol over with and fly back as soon as possible."
	The dark Lieutenant was quiet for a micron, carefully taking each
word into consideration before he replied. "You heard the Colonel,
Starbuck. If we don't do our job out here, we are going to be in a lot
of trouble."
	The blond man turned his head and flashed a cross glance at the
viper flying next to his. "No panic, Boomer. He was merely talking to
me when he mentioned the suspension. And quite frankly, I couldn't care
less! Let him suspend me. At least I wouldn't have to go on any stupid
patrols anymore! Don't you understand? I need to get back! There is
something wrong. Something they wouldn't tell us."
	Boomer closed his eyes and tried to keep calm. Although Starbuck's
behavior was hard on his patience, he did understand. He knew only too
well how his friend felt. Yet Boomer was still able to see the
situation less emotional. That had always been the most substantial
difference between him and Starbuck. While Starbuck acted emotionally,
impulsive and usually before his brain had had a chance to kick in and
give him a chance to think about his actions first, Boomer had always
been the one who analyzed each situation thoroughly. He never acted
impulse and without thinking every move through to the end. He could
never quite make up his mind if he admired or condemned Starbuck's
spontaneity.
	"Starbuck, calm down. Ever since Apollo was injured in that battle
over Kyrian you've been completely on edge."
	"Oh, excuse me for being worried about my friend's life. In case
you forgot they didn't patch him up with a couple of band aids and gave
him some candy to make it all better. He had a 10-centar-surgery and
has been in a coma for one secton now..."
	Boomer cut the blond man short, his voice just as angry as
Starbuck's now. "You don't have to remind me! He is my friend, too. I
am not less worried about him, but neglecting our duties is not going
to help him. On the contrary, it might cost some more of our friends
their lives, if we miss a Cylon ambush out here. In case you haven't
noticed - for the past secton these friends flew all long-range-patrols
for you, because you could never sit through one right now. The least
we can do, is doing the short range ones right!"
	"Thanks for the speech, Boomer. But nevertheless I am going to
turn now and head back. There is nothing out here and you know it.
Let's go."
	"Starbuck ..."
	"Look, go peaching to Colonel Tigh about this, if you have to.
Tell Jolly and Greenbean to check this quadrant again, if you are so
concerned about it. I don't care! But we are going back now."
	Without waiting for a reply the blond man fired his turbos and
turned his viper around to head back to the battlestar. Boomer cursed
silently to himself and followed him a micron later. He tried to fully
understand Starbuck's actions and failed. It was true. He was worried
about Apollo as well, but what good did going back to the Galactica now
do? There was nothing they could have done for the Captain. Nothing at
all.
	"Starbuck, this is senseless and you know it. There is nothing you
can do for Apollo."
	Starbuck's voice sounded tired and sad as he replied. "I can be
there. Something I was not over Kyrian."
	Boomer's eyes widened. "You are blaming yourself for what has
happened to him. Is that it?"
	Starbuck lowered his eyes, although nobody was directly looking at
him. It was a natural reaction to the guilt and shame he felt and that
Boomer had just brought to the surface. "Boomer, I have been his
wingman from day one on. Ever since the academy I have been flying with
him and I have learned to know his moves the moment he thinks them, to
copy every maneuver in an instant. It was my duty to protect him back
there and I failed. They shot him down just like that and I didn't even
see them coming. I didn't pay attention well enough, Boomer. I should
have..." 
	"Stop it!" Boomer's voice was harsh, but it was not anger, but
mere shock that made him react that rudely. "There was nothing you
could have done, Starbuck! We were outnumbered three to one. You and
Apollo were against five Cylon fighters at once. You were surrounded.
It is a miracle you both survived."
	Starbuck took in a deep breath and remained silent for a moment.
He softly replied, "Maybe you are right, Boomer. Still I need to get
back."
	Boomer sighed and cast a quick glance over to the other viper. He
wasn't able to see Starbuck's face, but he knew what expression he
would have seen. The blond man was the only person Boomer knew who was
able to combine a variety of emotions in one look - sadness,
determination, guilt, anger and anxiety. All these emotions were
probably depicted in Starbuck's blue eyes right now and made Boomer
give in.
	They spent the rest of their flight back in total silence, each
lost in his own thoughts. When the huge battlestar finally appeared
before them, Boomer switched on the comline to the bridge and asked for
clearance. It was granted without any further comment about the earlier
incident.
	Moments later they landed in one of the Galactica's large landing
bays and quietly climbed out of their ships. They met halfway in
between their vipers and for an awkward moment just stood there,
silently looking at each other, while the hangar crew started
maintaining the machines. 
	Finally Starbuck broke the silence. "I am sorry, Boomer. I know I
have been a pain lately."
	A faint smile appeared on the dark features of the young
Lieutenant. "Starbuck, you always have been."
	Starbuck returned the smile with half a heart and gave the dark
man a light pat on the shoulder. "Thank you so much, Boomer. You are a
true friend."
	Simultaneously they turned on their heals and walked towards the
elevators that were located at either side of the landing bay.
Starbuck's pace was fast, hurried, slightly below running and Boomer
did his best to keep up with him. Only few steps from the elevators,
Starbuck glanced over his shoulder at the companion following a step
behind him.
	"Boomer, would you mind filing our report to the Commander? Or
rather Colonel Tigh, since Commander Adama is probably at life
station."
	They reached the elevator and Boomer pushed the call button, while
he nodded in reply to his friend's question. "All right, Starbuck. Go
ahead. Would be hell of a report anyway."
	He gave a teasing smile that was only half convincing. It was only
too obvious that Boomer didn't feel like joking at all. It seemed like
few people had for about a secton. Both men entered the elevator that
appeared on their level at that moment. Starbuck pushed the buttons for
the upper levels where the life station and the battlestar's bridge
were located. 
	"Life station first, all right? And thanks a lot, Boomer. I really
appreciate it."
	The black Lieutenant shrugged his shoulders. "Forget it."
	The elevator stopped at the level that was Starbuck's destination
and the doors opened with an aggressive hissing before the two
warriors. 
	"I'll catch up with you later, Starbuck."
	He didn't get a reply. Starbuck had already started to hurry along
the corridor and waved quickly without turning. A moment later he
disappeared behind the nearest corner.

	Light. He expected a bright light. Instead it was relatively dark.
No, dark was not the right term. It was a sort of comfortable twilight
- the kind of light he experienced and loved back on his home world
Caprica whenever the larger of the two moons had been full and
illuminating the night.
Yet on Caprica there had been shadows. Creatures of the night, that had
been frightening at times. Here things were different. Although he
couldn't clearly see his surroundings, he felt secure, out of danger,
completely at ease. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. It felt
good not to know any fear for a change. 
	" Apollo?"
	There it was again. A voice that was calling him - strange and yet
very much familiar at the same time. It touched a sore spot in his soul
and surprised he realized that he felt pain. Still felt pain. He hadn't
expected that either.
	There was only darkness for a while. He had no idea for how long.
His mind was misty and clouded like he had been dreaming. Like waking
from an anesthesia, thoughts moving in slow motion and with an effort,
sigh blurred like standing in a thick fog. Real and yet unreal, like he
had only been dreaming to be awake. He couldn't even tell whether or
not he was awake now. Was it a question of reality or dream at all?
	When the voice started to call him, he found himself in his
current surrounding, not knowing where he was, how he got here and what
was happening to him. Taking the given facts into consideration, he was
surprised that he still did not feel afraid or at least worried in any
way.
	" Apollo!"
	The source of that voice was close by now and had the young
Captain turn around abruptly. Only few steps away stood a slim, tall
figure and waited silently now. The surrounding shadows didn't reveal
its face yet and still that mysterious somebody bore some familiarity
to Apollo for some reason. He couldn't quite make out whom it reminded
him of, but only a moment later he stopped wondering about it. The
person in question made a step forward and light from an unknown source
shone on its face. Apollo's eyes widened in surprise and shock.
	" Zac!"
	His voice almost failed him as he spoke the name that for so many
yahrens had been the source of sadness and feelings of guilt. He had
never forgiven himself for leaving his little brother behind. It had
been Zac's first patrol and when the Cylons attacked them. Shortly
before the destruction of their home planets, his viper was damaged.
Apollo did not have a choice back then. He had to warn the fleet and
only did what he had to do. And still he never stopped wondering how
Zac felt and thought about him. Did he blame him secretly in those
final microns of his young life? Did he hate him for leaving him alone
to die in a Cylon laser blast? 
	Countless nights Apollo woken from nightmares since that day. He
hoped and prayed that Zac knew that leaving him back then was the
hardest decision he ever had to make. That he never stopped missing his
little brother and never got over the loss completely. How many times
did he wish for a chance to see him one more time...
	"Hey, big brother."
	The young, familiar face before him started to smile and ended his
lingering in the past. The darkhaired Captain stared at his younger
brother. Disbelief mixed with joy was depicted on his handsome features
as he slowly took a step forward and reached out a hand to touch what
looked like the brother he lost so long ago. He wouldn't have been
surprised, if his hand had gone right through the appearance before
him, but it did not.
	The two men stood there staring at each other. Zac's expression
was that of a person who expected this situation. Contrary to his
brother he didn't look in the least surprised or confused. He stood
there smiling warmly at the man before him, who still did not want to
believe his eyes. Finally the younger man broke the silence.
	"Aren't you giving your little brother a hug anymore these days?"
	Apollo came out of the trance he had fallen into for a few
microns. A wide smile appeared on his face and with a relieved sigh he
reached out and pulled the younger man into his arms. 
	"God, Zac, it is so good to see you again. I missed you, little
brother."
	"Ah, you are such a liar, Apollo. I bet you were glad to have your
nerve-racking kid brother out from under your feet."
	The Captain's smile vanished as he let go of his brother and held
him at arm's length, staring at him in shock. "You don't seriously
believe that, do you?"
	Zac shook his head with an contrite smile. "No, I was just
kidding. Bad joke, huh?"
	Apollo sighed. "The worst of all your bad jokes."
	Silently they looked at each other again for a brief moment.
Slowly, very slowly Apollo's disorientation subsided and his surprised
and confused expression changed while he looked into his brother's
eyes. Zac stood before him, waiting - waiting for the question he knew
Apollo would ask sooner or later. The older man hesitatingly turned his
head to look around himself once again. Then he focused back onto the
young face before him. He began to understand, to realize his
situation.
	"My God..." It was merely a whisper. "Am I dead, Zac?"
	Zac's brown eyes watched him seriously now. There was no
hesitation, no blinking or awkward looking away. The former cocky,
vibrant and almost childlike young man looked at his elder brother in a
completely mature and serious way. A few microns passed, then he
answered, his voice steady and yet soft.
	"Yes, in a way you are. Take a look."

	Cassiopea stood beside the life support chamber, looking down onto
the still and somehow peaceful face of the young warrior inside. She
had known him for as long as she had known Starbuck. Yet she never paid
too much attention to him. He had always been there. Wherever Starbuck
went, whatever he did, wherever he was, Apollo had never been far. Or
was it rather the other way round? She had never given it much thought.
It seemed to be the way it had to be. 
	And then their world had been shattered. After Kyrian nothing had
been like it was before. She had often seen all of them, every person
in the fleet, their entire world as a huge mosaic, each of them being a
piece in a giant picture. Nobody ever paid much attention to the
individual piece as long as none of them was missing.
	All of a sudden a piece of their mosaic, a part of their world had
been ripped out and left a void, an empty spot that especially those
closest to him noticed sadly. Cassiopea remembered the day they brought
Apollo into life station. He was so badly injured, closer to death than
life already back then. Still she had the impression that he was
fighting for his life. He never regained consciousness though. With
every day that passed, the hope in the faces of those who came to visit
turned into anxiety. Before her inner eyes she recalled the glances
that time and time again had hit her and Dr. Salik. Begging, desperate
glances that seemed to cry questions like
 	"Why can't you help him?"
	They both tried. The Lords of Kobol knew they tried whatever they
could. She herself had taken several extra shifts to spend at Apollo's
side talking to him, trying to wake him from his coma and praying.
Praying not only for his sake, but also for that of the people whose
desperate glances she found harder to stand with every passing day.
Adama, Athena, Boxey ... and Starbuck. What was she going to tell them?
How could she explain that in the end all of their prayers had been
left unanswered? For a brief moment she closed her blue eyes as tears
streamed down her face.
	Only few centons before, a warning klaxon called her and Dr. Salik
to Apollo's tube. One of the devices that controlled the Captain's life
functions set off the alarm. The doctor worked fiercely to stabilize
the young man's condition. He knew his efforts were in vain before he
even started. When he finally turned around to face the blond woman
beside him, grief was depicted in his eyes. She still heard his words
as he turned the machine off that sounded the alarm.
	"I am sorry, Cassiopea. We have a zero on his brain functions."
	He didn't have to say anymore. She was a med-tech. She knew what
that meant. Silently the doctor squeezed her hand for a short moment
before he left to inform the Commander and the rest of Apollo's family.
She braced herself for the moment she had to face all these faces
again. What was she going to say? 
	Slowly Cassiopea sat down at Apollo's side and looked into his
pale and yet peaceful face. He was one of the pieces in the mosaic of
her life that had not been too close and still ... The picture would
never be complete again. She was surprised about her own emotions. Only
now did she understand that she liked the Captain far more than she
ever realized. The young woman took in a deep breath as new tears
threatened to fill her eyes. Then she bent to kiss Apollo's cheek as a
farewell gesture for a fallen warrior, a friend she lost.

	The dark haired Captain stared at the scene before him with wide
eyes. He watched his body lying in the support chamber. He watched
Cassiopea saying her silent good-byes. He watched the blinking and
beeping devices surrounding them.
	"I am dreaming all this, right?" He turned to his brother, who was
standing silently at his side. The glance in his brown eyes told him
the truth, even before Zac started shaking his head. "Zac, why are you
showing me all this? What are we doing here? Where is here anyway?"
	The pictures before Apollo's eyes faded into twilight again. He
faced his younger brother with confusion and impatience. This had to be
a dream, or rather a nightmare. Zac seemed to know his thoughts and
looked blankly at Apollo.
	"I know how you feel. When I got here I thought I was only
dreaming as well. But it is important that you accept your death. The
sooner the better."
	Apollo shook his head as if to clear his mind. It didn't help all
that much. "Is this ... Heaven?"
	A faint smile appeared on Zac's face. "No, it is not. Forget
whatever you thought was true about life after death. It does exist, of
course. Otherwise I wouldn't be here..."
	"Zac, where is here?" Apollo's voice sounded impatient, almost
annoyed, and had the younger man smile even wider.
	"Wasn't I always the impatient one of us, big brother?" His face
turned serious again. "This is the first level, a waiting zone so to
speak."
	The explanation made Apollo's confusion increase instead of the
opposite. "Waiting zone? Waiting for what?"
	There was something in Zac's impression, in the way his eyes
looked at him that made Apollo shiver. This was not the brother he used
to know anymore. There was an aura to him that didn't use to be there.
An aura of wisdom and solemnity that had the Captain fall silent while
he looked at the man before him with wide eyes.
	"Apollo, I'll try to explain. Listen closely."
	The voice Apollo heard was filled with the same solemnity and
wisdom. It went right to his soul, touched a spot deep inside of him,
made him calm down and wait in patience for the offered explanation.
	"You asked me about Heaven," Zac started again. "Heaven is not a
term that can be clearly defined. It is different for everybody, as
different as the people, their beliefs, their dreams and hopes. And yet
every soul that comes here longs for peace, happiness, love - a unity
with itself and the universe. But very few people are ever prepared to
die, to leave the mortal world behind. They are ripped out of a world
of hate, fear, despair, lost hopes and dreams, sadness, anxiety - all
the negative experiences and emotions our mortal existence was
instilled with. They have to learn first, learn to forget, to shake of
all these negative influences, to find peace in themselves before they
can move on to a higher level."
	He paused to give Apollo the time he needed to let this new,
confusing information sink in. And when he looked into his brother's
green eyes, he saw the understanding in them he hoped for. Apollo took
in a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he met
Zac's questioning glance waiting for him to say something.
	"I understand, Zac. So this is what I am here for? To learn to
shake off all negative feelings that could interfere with my becoming
one with the universe?"
	Zac nodded silently.
	"Why are you here then?"
	The younger man lowered his eyes for a moment before looking up to
meet the eyes of his brother. "I am your guide. I am here to help you
learn, to find your way. Every once in a while a soul doesn't reach the
upper level because denial and rejection of its fate makes him or her
hang on to the life they lost. A life that doesn't want them anymore,
that doesn't know them anymore. They are lost between the worlds
forever." He paused to gesture at their surroundings. "You wouldn't
want to stay here for all eternity, now would you?"
	Apollo glanced around himself, but didn't answer. He recognized
the question as the rhetorical one that it was. Zac turned around and
took a few steps into the blurred twilight, his eyes gazing blankly off
into the distance for a few microns. He continued without even
expecting a reply. 
	"I know how hard it is to leave an entire life time behind. To
look into your own heart and soul and find your true self, only to deny
that part of you that all your life stood in your own way, diminished
you to what you were. All the anger, all the fear and hate that was
part of you has to stay behind. I know how much of these emotions are
inside all of us - especially warriors. And yet it is especially the
warriors that in the fewest of all cases have the choice that you have.
They have to learn fast if they want to leave here."
	Apollo raised his head and looked at him with a puzzled
expression. "Choice? What do you mean by that?"
	Zac turned back around to face him. "I am not sure I am allowed to
tell you this ..."
	He looked around himself with an expression that Apollo only new
too well. There he was again, his kid brother that could never keep any
secrets to himself. How many times did he see that expression on Zac's
face when they were still children and Zac came to tell him one of his
big secrets, knowing it was wrong what he did and still he was dying to
pass the word on. For a split micron he saw that little boy shining
through and it made him smile. Then that moment was gone and the
person, the someone Zac turned into stood before him again.
	"Apollo, most of us warriors have died in Cylon combat when our
Vipers were destroyed and our mortal bodies along with them." He
noticed the pain in Apollo's face when he brought back the memories of
how he died all these yahrens ago. But he didn't give his elder brother
time to continue this line of thought and went on with his explanation.
	"Listen to me! As long as your mortal body is still alive you can
always go back. That is your choice!"
	Apollo's eyes widened. "What you are saying is that I could go
back if I wanted to?"
	Zac nodded. "Only very few people ever get this opportunity.
Somebody up there must love you or owe you a favor I guess. I don't
know what you did these past yahrens. I don't know what happened that
makes you special, but you oughta think about this opportunity."
	Apollo turned away from his brother and stared onto the floor
without really seeing it. This was the hardest decision someone ever
forced him to make since he had to leave Zac behind in that Cylon
ambush. This was not a decision between life and death. This was a
decision between a life of fear and pain and a life of love and peace.
What was it that made him hesitate?
	" Daddy! Daddy!"
	Apollo looked up and once again saw the world he left behind.
Sadness darkened his clear eyes as he saw the tears in the face of his
little son. Athena bent down to pick the little boy up who placed his
head on the chest of the still man in the life support chamber and
clung to him like a drowning person to a piece of wood. His little
fingers held on to Apollo's tunic. It took Athena some tender effort to
make him let go. She understood him so well. She had to fight the same
urge to just hold on to her brother's hand and never let go again, but
she knew he was already gone. His heart was still beating. He was still
breathing, but it was just the machines that made him look alive.
Whatever Apollo had been, his memories, his emotions, his personality,
his true self, all that was gone. 
	While tears ran over her face, she held the crying little boy in
her arms who was now an orphan. Nothing she could say or do would ever
make it good again. She looked onto the pale, handsome face of her
brother one last time before she turned around and left life station,
carrying Apollo's little son outside. 
	Adama didn't turn to watch them leave. His face was a stony
facade, his skin gray and his deep brown eyes shining with suppressed
tears. Dr. Salik explained Apollo's condition to him. All that time the
words seemed to come from so far away. While the doctor told him that
there was no more hope, memories came rushing back to the Commander.
Memories of a little dark haired boy with big green eyes that played in
the backyard of their home on Caprica. Memories of a proud young man
who stood tall at his graduation from space academy. Memories of a
happy man at his wedding day, a marriage that ended too tragic after
such a short time.
	Now he lost both of his sons. How could he even consider turning
those machines off while the heart of his firstborn was still beating?
Abruptly he raised his hand and had the white haired physician fall
quiet.
	"Doctor, I understand your point of view and from a scientific
view you may be right. It is probably hopeless. But you see, I have
learned that this universe holds more secrets for us than any of us can
imagine. The possibilities are as infinite as the universe itself.
Please, give him a few more days."
	Dr. Salik looked at him with a sympathetic and yet stern
expression. "Commander, with all due respect..."
	"Doctor, I am not in the mood for discussions. Please, just
respect my wish."
	The doctor sighed and looked at the grieving man. For all he knew
it was useless to have the machines run any longer, but it didn't do
any harm. So why not respect the wish of a man, who just had to say
good-bye to his second son? He nodded in acceptance and squeezed the
Commander's hand reassuring and comforting. He turned to give Adama a
few private moments. A centon later he heard the hissing of the
automatic door as the Commander left life station to hurry back to his
private quarters.
	He needed to be alone for a while. He was the Commander. The
people expected him to hold his head high whatever happened. He needed
to give guidance, hope and confidence and wasn't allowed to show any
weakness or doubts. But he never felt weaker, never had more doubts
than now. How was he to give hope to his people that he had lost
himself? How was he to tell them that continuing their journey despite
their losses was the only right thing to do? How was he to guide them
when he felt like he lost the way himself? And how was he to show
confidence, when all he wanted to do was cry?

	Apollo turned around to face Zac who was quietly standing next to
him. The Captain's glance, filled with emotions, was met by his
brother's completely blank expression. The older man looked at his
companion surprised and shocked. He opened his mouth to say something,
but Zac was faster.
	"I know, what you want to say. I told you, you have to learn. No
regrets. No more hurt. No more tears, Apollo. The sooner you start the
better."
	Apollo's eyes widened, but before he had a chance to reply the
scene before the two men changed again.

	With the familiar hissing the door to life station opened again
and a blond man dashed through it. Cassiopea, who had been standing in
front of Apollo's life support chamber once more, whirled around and
her heart sank as she recognized him.
	"Starbuck..."
	She took a few steps forward to meet him halfway and held out her
hands to stop him before he reached the tube. He looked past her onto
his friend and let out a relieved sigh as he noticed the steady
breathing and the beeping of the machine that indicated the heartbeat.
He lowered his eyes and met the glance of the young woman before him.
Something in that glance sounded an alarm bell in the back of his mind
and sent shivers down his spine. Fear rose inside of him against his
will. He tried to fight that very bad feeling that all of a sudden
swept over him.
	"What is it?" He was afraid to ask the question and still he had
to know.
	"Starbuck..."
	She didn't know how to break the news to him and reached out to
hold his hand, desperately searching for the right words. Right words?
Was there such a thing as the right words to tell somebody that his
best friend had just passed away?
	Starbuck felt a knot building in his throat that was threatening
to choke him. He stared into Cassiopea's face and the truth that was
depicted in her blue eyes hit him all of a sudden. His eyes widened. He
had to fight the urge to scream as he broke free from her grip and ran
past her towards Apollo's life pod. He just stood there silently
staring down onto his friend's face before he turned around to face
Cassiopea again.
	"What are you trying to tell me? He is alive."
	Helplessly she shook her head, her eyes begging him to understand,
to accept the truth. "Starbuck, no. It's just the machines ..."
	"Felgercarb!"
	His eyes were furious, but it was not anger that made him react
this harshly. She only knew too well that denial was his way to protect
himself from the truth, if the truth was too much to bear. And yet he
had to accept it.
	She made a step forward and grabbed his arms, squeezing them hard.
All her frustration gave her greater strength than she expected. She
accepted the possibility that she hurt Starbuck. Maybe this was the
only way to bring him back to reality.
	"Starbuck, for Sagan's sake, he is dead! His brain functions are
zero."
	"No!"
	"Yes!"
	They yelled at each other, overwhelmed by emotions, but
Cassiopea's unusual harshness finally got through to Starbuck and made
him fall silent. She could barely stand the pain in his eyes as he
lowered his head and looked down onto his fallen friend. His voice was
choked with emotions as he finally spoke again.
	"I knew I had to get back. I wanted to be here, Cass. I failed him
again."
	Before she had a chance to reply, he turned on his heels and ran
out of the room.
	"Cassiopea?" Dr. Salik appeared in the doorway to his laboratory,
alarmed by the yelling he heard a moment before. "Is everything okay?"
	She turned to face him, trying hard to swallow down the tears that
were threatening to build in her eyes again. "I just broke the news to
Starbuck... God, Dr. Salik, I hope I am wrong, but maybe we didn't just
lose Apollo today." Sadly she turned and went back to her duties
without paying anymore attention to the puzzled look of the physician.

	"Well?"
	Apollo turned around to look into Zac's waiting face. "Well what?"
	"Have you decided?"
	The Captain gave a sigh as the sight of life station vanished
before his eyes and was once again replaced by the emptiness of their
unreal surroundings. All of a sudden he knew what he wanted to do.
Things seemed clear now. With a determined expression on his face he
answered without turning to face his brother.
	"It's not that difficult a decision to make, Zac. I know exactly
what they are going through right now. I lived it when you died and
mother and Serina. It hurts, Zac. More than I can even tell you. They
say time heals all wounds, but it's just not true. I don't know how
much time it takes to get over the loss of your brother, your mother
and your wife, but it didn't even get better in the time that has
passed since then. And I don't want to find out how much more it takes
in case you have to suffer the loss of a sister, a father, a son or a
close friend. And I can't wait to see Serina again and mother."
	"I never thought, I see you make a decision out of selfish
reasons."
	Anger flashed over Apollo's face in reaction to Zac's remark and
he flashed his brother a furious glance. "Selfish? Zac, you know I
always tried to decide as best as I could in favor of my subordinates,
my friends or our family. If I had to give my life for any of them I
would have done it. The Lords of Kobol know there were times that I
wished I could trade places with you or Serina. Now that I am dead,
isn't it my right to turn my back on all the pain, all the fear, all
the fighting? What kind of life did we have anyway, Zac? All we ever
knew was the war, fighting for our lives and that of our people,
mourning over family members and friends we lost. And you call me
selfish for not wanting to go back to that, but rather live a life in
peace for a change? No more fear, no more pain, no more fighting and
running? If that is selfish, so be it!"
	Zac looked at him warmly and with a affectionate smile. "I know
how you feel. I just want you to understand that they are still living
their lives like that. And you are adding to their pain. If you realize
that and accept it as a fact, fine. Just don't regret your decision or
you will never reach the upper level. No more regrets, Apollo. You have
to understand that."
	The Captain remained silent and gave his brother's words some
thought. He nodded silently and a faint smile appeared on his face. "I
am positive about my decision. Athena, father and Boxey, they are a
family. They are going to take care of each other and get through this
together. They'll get over it."
	Zac frowned and flashed his brother a piercing glance. "Maybe. You
may be right about Athena, dad and Boxey, but aren't you forgetting
someone? There is somebody who might not get over it, Apollo." 
	Apollo frowned and a puzzled expression appeared on his face.
"What are you talking about?"
	Zac turned his head without saying a word and focused his eyes
upon the scene behind his brother's back. Slowly Apollo turned around. 
	"This is not life station, Zac."
	"I know. Don't you recognize it?"
	Apollo stood quiet and tried to orientate himself. The place
looked familiar to him and made him feel good. He connected happy
moments with this place and still ...The light slowly increased and
helped him to observe his surroundings better. His eyes widened.
	"That's the celestial dome I discovered. My Hand of God."
	Zac nodded slowly. "Correct."
	The Captain turned to his brother, the confused expression still
on his face. "What are we doing here? What ..." He stopped as he saw
Zac merely point to the interior of the dome. Silently he turned his
head. It took him a micron to see what Zac was pointing at. He almost
missed the still figure that was sitting in the only seat, staring
blankly ahead of himself. Apollo's expression depicted clearly his
surprise and disbelief as he recognized him.
	"Starbuck? What is he doing here?"
	"Apollo? I am sorry for being here without your permission. I
know, this is your hiding place, your sanctuary, but ... I had to be
alone for a while. This seemed to be the best place to go to."
	Confused, Apollo turned to his brother and whispered," Can he see
or hear us?"
	Zac looked at him from the side. "No, no need to whisper. He
doesn't know we are here."
	Apollo shook his head. "Then why is he ..."
	"Hey, buddy, I feel a little silly talking to you like this, but
maybe ... maybe you can hear me. Wherever you are now... I...I guess I
deserve this. I know I gave you a hard time more than once during the
past yahrens and when you relied on me over Kyrian, I failed you..."
	Apollo's head whirled around and he stared at his brother in
shock. "Zac! He is blaming himself for my death."
	"... but you know, this is not fair, Apollo. I wanted to be there.
I told Boomer we had to get back from patrol. I didn't mean to leave
you, but you know how it is." He gave a weak smile, but the sad look in
his eyes gave a lie to the humor he tried to show. "Your father and
Colonel Tigh just wouldn't let me hang around life station all day long
and Cassi said I was driving her nuts." As fast as the smile appeared
on his face, it vanished again. Starbuck's voice grew softer and
sounded wry as he continued his monologue. "Why didn't you hang on a
little longer? I didn't even get to say good-bye. Are you that mad at
me?"
	Apollo swallowed hard and once again turned helplessly to his
brother. "What makes him think I was mad at him? What happened wasn't
his fault. I know he did what he could to give me back-up over Kyrian."

	Zac gave him an indefinable glance from the side and continued his
silence. There was nothing for him to say. Apollo wasn't paying
attention to him anymore anyway. He turned back to look at the scene
before them.
	At that moment Starbuck raised his head and looked around the
room. It was almost dark. He had only lit a small light on entering the
dome, but didn't feel the need for more illumination. On the contrary,
the darkness around him seemed to match the black hole in which he felt
like falling. Although he tried to fight the depression that had a
tight hold of him. He sighed and lowered his eyes before he slowly and
hesitatingly raised one hand to touch a small button on the upper right
corner of the panel before him. Slowly, like a flower opening its
petals to the first rays of the morning sun, the metal shields around
the dome opened and revealed a beautiful, breath-taking view upon the
starfield beyond the transparent Tylinium glass. The blond man sat in
stillness, glancing out onto the stars.
	"Funny, I thought coming here would help. I thought taking a look
at this view would make me feel better, but it doesn't. On the
contrary. You should be sitting here instead of me. --- I wish I could
trade places with you, Apollo. You have a family who misses you. You
are important to the fleet. Who would miss me? I bet they are not even
looking for me yet. Everybody is probably happy to have the hot-headed,
disrespectful, unrestrained gambler out of the way for a while."
	He fell quiet and closed his eyes as his voice threatened to fail
him. When he opened them, his eyes were shining with tears he
determinedly tried to hold back.
	"Come to think of it, you were the only one who always put up with
my poor character and still bore with me when everybody else was ready
to kill me including your father. Heaven knows how many times you saved
me from getting suspended. Who am I going to complain to now? Who is
going to fly patrols with me? Willing to sit even through a
long-range-patrol listening to my babbling? Who would seriously put
down a secton's pay on one of my Pyramid systems and forgive me for
losing it? And what is the Triad championship next sectar gonna be like
without the golden team? --- I have been trying to come up with just
anything to do to get my mind off things, but no matter what came to
mind, you seem to be missing roughly everywhere."
	A tear ran down his cheek and he blinked trying to get a hold of
himself. 
	Apollo looked at him, surprised to see such an emotional reaction
from his usually so carefree and optimistic friend. He would never have
believed that anything in the world could break Starbuck's spirit. He
didn't turn to look at Zac as he started to speak after a few microns
of silent observation.
	"I have never seen Starbuck so depressed. I never thought he would
take it to heart."
	"Oh, please!" Zac's voice actually sounded angry and made Apollo
face him in surprise, knowing that, according to Zac's own statement,
anger was an emotion his brother didn't know anymore.
	"Apollo, what is the matter with you? You were always the more
sensitive one of us. Do I really have to explain this to you? Starbuck
grew up as an orphan. He has always been alone, never had a family, had
to take care of himself all his life. He learned how to hide his
vulnerable, sensitive side and put up that cocky, flippant facade. You
were one of the few people who knew how to look beyond that facade and
see his true colors. He loved you for that. To him you were like the
brother he never had. Ever since the academy he has been following you
around like a shadow. He was closer to you than I ever was, right?" He
spoke the last sentence with a sad tone in his voice and had the
shocked expression on Apollo's face increase. 
	"Jealous, Zac?"
	A weak smile appeared on the younger man's face. "There is no such
thing as jealousy here anymore, remember? But, yes, I used to be
jealous. Especially when I was still a child. I never told you how
proud I was of you. I used to brag to my friends about my big brother
who was going to be a colonial warrior. I was eleven yahrens old when
you graduated, Apollo, and I wanted to become just like you. You can't
imagine how much I looked forward to your visits home to hear about the
academy and all your adventures. And I still remember that from a
certain point on the name Starbuck seemed to be every second word in
your stories even before you started bringing him along on your
furloughs. Mom felt so sorry for him because he was an orphan and
didn't have a family of his own to go to. So she made you bring him
along. Things changed back then.
	"Athena was crazy for him already. Days before you two came home
for another furlough she had that dreamy look on her face and spent
centars in front of the mirror than with me as she used to. Mom started
cooking food Starbuck liked instead of the things I liked. Even you
didn't pay that much attention to me anymore. Sure, I was just your kid
brother. The action and fun was where Starbuck was, so why bother with
me? I was too young to understand, Apollo, but it hurt me very much
back then and yes, I was jealous. I hated Starbuck for a long time, but
I grew out of that. It wasn't his fault that he was to you what I
wanted to be. His famous luck I suppose. But that just ran out on him.
He lost his best friend and his only family all in one. And you are
surprised to see him depressed?"
	For a moment there was silence. Apollo stared at his brother, his
mixed emotions depicted clearly on his face. He swallowed hard before
he finally spoke. "I am sorry, Zac. I never knew I hurt you so much. I
didn't mean to..."
	"Apollo!" Zac cut his brother short in a kind, but determined
voice. He placed his hands on Apollo's shoulders and squeezed them
reassuring, the way Apollo used to do to him when giving advice to his
little brother. All that seemed so long ago. Now, it didn't matter
anymore.
	"This is not about me, Apollo. I have found my peace. There is
nothing to feel sorry about anymore. I don't know hate, anger, sadness
or jealousy anymore, remember? But you still have a decision to make."
	Apollo looked at him for a micron, then frowned and took a step
back. Zac's words seemed to be cold and emotionless to the Captain and
had him shiver. He had to fight the urge to grab Zac and shake him, to
yell at him to stop goofing off, just be the brother again that he use
to be. He remembered all the times Zac's vibrant, overexcited and
immature behavior drove him crazy. Now that it was gone, he found
himself missing it more than he ever thought possible. Abruptly he
turned away from the familiar, yet suddenly so strange face before him
and looked back at his mourning friend who sat quietly and alone in the
small celestial dome high on top of the Galactica.
	Starbuck was quiet, staring out onto the stars without really
seeing them, lost in memories. Now and then a smile flashed over his
pale face, only to sadden him even more a split micron later when he
realized that all these happy moments he recalled were part of a
friendship that lay in the past and that did not have a future. Another
tear ran down his cheek. With an angry grimace he wiped it away.
	"Frak! This is just not fair!"
	His grief started to turn into anger. In a helpless frustration
the blond man raised his fist to slam it onto the panel before him. He
didn't pay attention to the pain that shot up his arm. Instead he
looked up to the where the ceiling of the dome would have been if the
shields were closed. 
	"Why Apollo? Why him?! What is it you want from us? We already
lost our homes, members of our families or even all of them. And still
we go on, try to keep our spirits high and believe. Believe that there
is a God or something, anything that makes all this worth-while in the
end. Help me understand! Why take one of the best when he is needed
most? How is his little son to understand this after he already lost
his mother? Or this father who already lost a son to this senseless
war?" He lowered his eyes again to stare onto the floor and whispered,
"Or his friend who doesn't have anyone else really?"
	He sat quietly in his chair. Slowly, he let his head sink onto the
panel before him, buried his face in his arms and began to weep. Why
hold back the tears any longer? There was no-one around. He didn't feel
like he was heard by anyone or anything. Ever since he was that little
boy who had been wandering through the Thorn Forest on Caprica after
losing his parents in another Cylon raid, he had not felt that alone. 

	Apollo drew in a sharp breath and felt an uncomfortable burning in
his eyes as he looked helplessly at his friend. Without taking his eyes
off the blond Lieutenant he finally said softly, "Zac, he is crying. I
have never seen Starbuck cry in all the yahrens I have known him. Lord
knows he had reason to at times." Slowly he turned his head to look at
his brother only to find him turning away from the scene before them
with an emotionless expression on his face. "How can you stand there
like that? Doesn't anything touch you anymore?"
	Zac returned his glance sternly before he answered. "I can only
repeat what I told you before. You have to shake off all negative
influences if you want to move on. That includes pity as well, Apollo.
How can you find peace if you make everybody's negative emotions your
own?"
	Apollo's eyes started to glow furiously. "Do you mean to tell me
that you can look at a grieving friend and it doesn't touch you at all?
You want me to just turn my back on him and forget about it? Is that
it?"
	"Yes. Basically it is. You make it sound so inhuman, but it is for
your own sake."
	"Let me tell you something, Zac. It doesn't just sound inhuman -
it is! Because, you know, what makes us human is not just the positive
things. It's not just love and understanding and caring that makes us
the beings we are. It's sympathy, pity, sorrow, sadness and anger as
well. How can I shake off these emotions that are a part of all of us?
What you want me to do is become less than I have been before."
	"On the contrary. I want you to lose all the feelings that
diminished you to what you were. Time and again all these negative
emotions kept us from becoming one with ourselves and the universe. The
peace, we have been striving for lies within ourselves, but we will
never find it as long as anger, hate, and, yes, sorrow and pity, are
blocking the way. This is what you need to learn, if you want to move
on."
	"Then why did you show me all this? Why let me see father, Boxey,
Athena, Cassi and Starbuck? You knew, this would only make it more
difficult to forget."
	"But you can only forget what you have learned. Otherwise the
uncertainty may have made you wonder for all times and you would have
been stuck here forever."
	Apollo looked into the eyes of his brother for a moment that
seemed to last forever. A silent fight was raging inside of him and his
thoughts were racing. When he finally spoke again he heard his own
words from far away. "I can't do it, Zac."
	The younger man raised his eyebrows and looked at him in surprise.
"Do what?"
	Another decision to be made. Another pain to suffer and still it
was easier this time.
	"You said I had a choice. I made up my mind. I am going back,
Zac."
	Zac's eyes widened. "What about Serina and mother? Do you know
what you are doing?"
	Apollo winced at the memory of his wife and mother, but the
determination did not leave his eyes. "Give my love to both of them,
Zac. I would love to see them again, but I am not ready for this world
yet. As much as all these negative emotions hurt, I don't want to lose
them yet. I don't see how any man could evolve into a higher being by
turning his back on a grieving friend or leaving his little boy to grow
up as an orphan when he has the chance to go back to be with them.
Please understand."
	Zac looked him in the eyes for a long moment. Then an affectionate
smile appeared on his face again. "I do understand. I understand why
that someone up there, who offered you this choice, loves you. And you
know what? I love you too, big brother."
	Apollo returned the smile and pulled the younger man into his
arms. "I love you too, Zac."
	 The Captain closed his eyes and held his brother close for a long
moment. A single tear ran down his cheek. Secretly he wiped it away.
His smile widened. For the first time he was happy and thankful for
that tear.
	"I'll be seeing you, Apollo.
	Then there was darkness. Apollo didn't get a chance to reply to
his brother, to say good-bye. In a split micron Zac was gone along with
the unreal environment they were in for as long as this encounter had
lasted. As before his sight was blurred, his thoughts moved in slow
motion, and his limbs and head felt heavy.
	A light appeared in the distance. A small spot at first that
steadily grew brighter and brighter until it almost hurt his eyes.
There was nothing special to that light. No higher, divine being to
greet him on the other side. No dimension of everlasting peace and love
to embrace him. It was the ceiling lighting of life station that shone
in his eyes as his consciousness returned to the mortal body it had
left. He woke up, opened his eyes with an effort and blinked at the
brightness of the lamp above him. It was the most beautiful light he
had ever seen.
	A light on the large control board in one corner of life station
started a continued blinking, accompanied by a soft, but insistent
klaxon. Cassiopea jumped at the sound and almost forgot to breathe. One
of the devices was sounding an alarm, calling her to one of the
patients, and still she was unable to move a muscle. The only patient
in critical condition that was hooked up to all these machines was
Apollo.
	Before Adama left, he secretly took her aside and begged her to
keep all the machines running, even the brain scan. "Just in case," he
said. After seeing the look in his eyes, she found it impossible to
deny him his wish. Still she never thought it was possible that this
device would ever do any more than uselessly draw power. It did now. No
doubt about it. The blinking and beeping was caused by Apollo's brain
scanner.
	"Probably a malfunction," she muttered to herself, but didn't
sound convinced. 
	Hesitatingly Cassiopea rose to her feet and walked through the
room to Apollo's life chamber.
What was it she was afraid of? The possibility that Adama was right and
this universe held more secrets and mysteries for them than they could
even imagine? Or the fact that they all trusted these machines and
their medical knowledge enough to give up on a young man without even
taking these infinite secrets and mysteries into consideration? And if
the latter was true, how many times did they err before? The thought
scared her. Cassiopea found herself almost hoping that the alarm was
caused by a malfunction. As she approached the tube her pace grew
faster. Even from the distance she could see the readouts the scanner
screen was showing. It was not a straight line as to be expected.
	"My God ..."
	The young woman started running and reached the life support
chamber with a few large steps. She almost gave a surprised scream as
she was greeted by a pair of familiar green eyes.
	"Apollo..." It was a weak whisper. She tried to recover from her
surprise. When she got a hold of herself, a joyful smile spread over
her pretty face. She reached out a hand to softly stroke over Apollo's
hair and smiled at him.
	"Hey, welcome back."
	A faint smile moved the corners of his mouth as he tried to speak.
The attempt failed.
	"Don't try to speak yet. You still have a tube down your throat.
Dr. Salik is going to remove it when he gets back from the passenger
ship he was called to."
	The smile on Apollo's face vanished. He reached out to grab
Cassiopea's hand, his eyes begging. She returned the squeeze on her
hand sympathetically and tried to read the look he was giving her.
	"I am sorry, Apollo. I don't know what you want to tell me. Are
you in pain?"
	He shook his head and tried to form a word with his lips, but the
tube in his mouth made that attempt fail as well. His expression grew
frustrated, almost desperate. Cassiopea returned his glance helplessly
and tried to figure out what it was he was trying to tell her.
	"Tell you what. Why don't you relax, try to get some rest and I
call for your family? Dr. Salik is going to be back soon. I am sure. Is
that okay?"
	He seemed to hesitate, tempted to agree to her proposal, but
something was still disturbing him. With a reassuring smile she patted
his hand and turned to do what she promised him, but his tight grip
held her back. She sighed.
	"Apollo, please. I am not supposed to remove the tube without a
doctor present."
	She met his eyes again and looked at him for a short moment.
Something in the look he gave her made her shiver and made her give in.
	"All right, I'll do it. Just stop looking at me like that, okay?"
	The Captain relaxed visibly. He let go of Cassiopea's hand and
rested himself back against his pillows, waiting for her to do as she
promised. The young woman turned to make all necessary adjustments and
shook her head to herself. Against her will she had to smile and
quietly muttered to herself while she was working.
	"How do they always get me to do things like that? Are they
teaching these guys in classes how to look at a woman to make her do
the most unreasonable things? Like throwing away her career?"
	Cassiopea turned off the machines that controlled Apollo's life
functions. To avoid any alarms to go off the moment she disconnected
the tube and sensors attached to his body. With a deep breath she
turned around to face the young Captain again who was watching her
every move closely.
	"Okay, Apollo. When I tell you to, I want you to breathe deep and
let out the air when I pull the tube. Understood?" 
	He nodded.
	"All right then. Now!"
	The removal of the tube made Apollo cough violently. Cassi grabbed
his arms to pull him up into a seated position, holding on to him and
patting his back until he was able to breathe normally again.
	"Better now?"
	He took in another deep breath and nodded with a smile. From one
micron to the next that smile vanished. With a sore and barely audible
voice he started to speak. "Starbuck..."
	Cassiopea frowned and leaned a little closer to understand him
better. "Did you say 'Starbuck'?"
	He nodded and waited for her to speak again. She did so a micron
later.
	"I don't know where he is, Apollo. Nobody has seen him ever since
he left life station several centars ago and I ..."
	He raised his hand and made her fall quiet. His voice still would
not co-operate. Even the whisper he managed came out with an effort.
"Hand of God ..."  
	She raised her eyebrows in surprise.
	"Hand of ... The celestial dome? How do you know he is there?"
	The Captain did not answer. He looked at her in a way that made it
all too clear that he was not about to give an explanation. Maybe she
didn't even want to know.
	"Get some rest, Apollo. I'll get him," was all she said before she
straightened up, ready to do as she promised. She watched the young man
lay back down and close his eyes. It took him a few moments to smoothly
drift into a nice, normal sleep. Carefully, endeavored not to wake him
again, she pulled the blankets up and covered him properly before she
stood quietly beside the life pod and watched the Captain's sound sleep
for another centon. She turned around, smiling to herself, and left
life station. 
	Cassiopea found Starbuck where Apollo said he would be. She didn't
have the time to wonder about this. Maybe it was just coincidence,
maybe one of Apollo's hunches. Whatever it was, it was not important
now. The condition she found Starbuck in was heart rending. She would
never forget the way his face lit up when she told him the good news.
He jumped off the podium and gave her a hug that almost took her breath
away.He hurried toward life station with the widest grin she had ever
seen on his face. 
	The blond woman took a moment to look out onto the beautiful
starfield and silently sent a prayer to the divine artist who had put
the mosaic of their lives back together. With a happy smile she finally
pushed the button to close the shields around the dome and left to
follow Starbuck back to life station. Dr. Salik would probably be more
than angry that she removed the tube without consulting him or another
doctor first. And she just realized that she left life station without
leaving anyone else in charge or telling anyone where she was heading.
Not to mention that the poor doctor probably suffered a heartattack
when he returned to find Apollo alive and well against all odds.
Surprised about herself she noticed that she didn't even care. More
important things than these happened today, far more important. She
hurried her pace to get back to life station, but the duties she
neglected had nothing to do with her urge to get back there.
	Starbuck dashed through the door of life station as he had a few
centars ago, but this time it was anticipation that made him run, not
anxiety. He approached his friend's life chamber only to find him as
still and motionless as before. The grin vanished from his face. For a
heartbeat he held his breath in shock. He let it out with a relieved
sigh as he saw the dark haired man before him turn his head slowly in
his direction and was greeted by a pair of bright green eyes and a warm
smile.
	"Hi, Starbuck ..." Apollo's voice was low and sounded a little
hoarse still, but to someone who hadn't expected to ever hear that
voice again, any symphony couldn't have sounded better. " ... still
dashing into rooms like that?"
	Starbuck returned the warm smile. "Bad habit I guess.
	Apollo closed his eyes again. He was exhausted and barely managed
to stay awake, but an inner restlessness kept the restful sleep he
needed away. He opened his eyes and looked at his friend who was
watching him closely. The familiar blue eyes looked tired and still
bore some unmistakable reddening. Apollo couldn't help but smile at the
worried expression in Starbuck's eyes.
	"Starbuck?"
	"Huh?"
	"You look awful."
	A wide grin appeared on Starbuck's face. Apollo was satisfied that
his plan worked.
	"Thanks, buddy. You, too." For a moment he fell silent. "I heard
you tried to sneak out and go someplace without me ..."
	Apollo's smile fainted for a micron, but returned as he looked
into the emotion-filled face before him. "I was thinking about it,
yes."
	"What made you change your mind?"
	The Captain's smile widened. "You are second in command of Blue
Squadron. I couldn't do that to the guys."
	The friendly teasing made Starbuck feel on ease. Apollo gratefully
saw the worried expression disappear from his friend's eyes.
	"And I guess I started missing your poor character around me. It
was so quiet without you babbling all the time and dashing into rooms
like a five-yahren-old. Besides, we have a Triad match to win next
sectar, right?"
	Starbuck stared at him suspiciously, his surprise clearly depicted
on his face. He shook his head as he gave up on the thought that just
crossed his mind and started smiling again. "You bet! So you better see
to it to be in top-condition by then."
	He fell silent. The two men looked at each other, shared
understanding passing between them. Suddenly Starbuck turned his head
to quickly observe the deserted life station before he took a step
towards Apollo. Before the Captain realized what was happening,
Starbuck already pulled him into a tight embrace. 
	"If hugging a commanding officer is against regulations, you don't
have any witnesses to press charges, Captain. I am going to deny
everything." 
	"Wrong, Starbuck. There is a witness, but just this once I can
keep a secret." Zac's words died away unheard as he watched his brother
return Starbuck's hug. He was uncertain whether he was supposed to feel
happy or sad. He ended up feeling a little of both.
	A new witness to the scene appeared behind Zac and placed her arm
around his shoulders, tenderly kissing his hair. "Hello, sweetheart."
	The soft, familiar voice made him turn his head and look into a
pair of green eyes, eyes just like Apollo's and Athena's.
	"Hi, mom."
	A smile spread over his face, a smile that did not express his
true emotions. With the instinct of a mother, Ila looked into her son's
eyes and gave him another reassuring hug.
	"Don't be so sad, Zac. You did the right thing."
	Starbuck and Apollo's relieved and joyful laughter made them turn
back to the scene before them. It brought a wide smile to the woman's
face.
	"Look at them, Zac. Don't you think that was worth it?"
	The young man gave an audible sigh, but didn't turn to face his
mother. "That is easy for you to say, mom. Tell you the truth, I would
have loved to have Apollo around. To have the chance to spend time with
him again like we used to when we were kids. We grew apart over the
yahrens, but maybe we could have picked up where we left off without
Starbuck around." His voice sounded so bitter that Ila couldn't help
but laugh.
	"Are you still jealous, dear?"
	Zac cast his mother a glance that made her smile vanish. He was
serious. He meant what he said. She never expected that after all these
yahrens he was still hurting. Obviously she underestimated the
situation. She reached out to tenderly squeeze his hand and looked at
him with sympathy and understanding.
	"I am very proud of you. You were never good at keeping secrets,
but your talent as an actor has always been fabulous, Zac. It's
probably a pedagogical faux pas to salute you on your ability to lie,
but you just saved your brother's life. Isn't that reason enough to be
happy, huh?"
	"I am. It's just ... all the things I told him. They were all
lies."
	"No, sweetie. Not all of them. You had a chance to tell him that
you love him and so did he. Your death is not going to haunt him
anymore. That alone was worth it, don't you think?"
	"But he thinks that I ... that we lost parts of the emotions that
are so valuable to him. Doesn't that make him think less of us? Isn't
he going to be scared to die from now on?"
	Ila gave her son a warm and affectionate smile. "Don't
underestimate your brother. His love is far too strong to have him back
out over a little disappointment. Hopefully he is going to enjoy life
no, painful and tough as it is at times. Maybe he can rediscover the
carefree laughter he used to give when he was a child." A wistful look
appeared on Ila's still beautiful face, as she was lost in memories.
	"The older he grew, the rarer that laughter was heard. He seemed
to grow more reserved and serious by the yahrens. There was this ever
present sadness in his eyes..." She seemed to become aware of her
surroundings again and stopped her monologue to turn back to her
youngest child. An apologizing smile appeared on her face. "I am sorry,
sweetheart. See, Apollo doesn't have your cheerful disposition. It used
to sadden me to see him so withdrawn. Maybe that is why I appreciate
Starbuck around him so much. He makes him laugh and share his worries
with someone without ever pushing him. It was your lies that made
Apollo go back and use that second chance on his life."
	She noticed the still doubting glance in Zac's eyes and placed a
reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Zac. When his time
comes, he is going to learn the truth. Until then, I am happy to know
that he is living his life. Much as I love to have you around me, there
are times I wish you were back there with him."
	"Me, too."
	Zac lowered his eyes, saying his silent good-byes to his brother.
In moments like this one he wished that his lies about not knowing any
more regrets or sorrows were true. Just before twilight embraced him
and his mother, he took one last glance at the scene before them. 
	It changed. Dr. Salik returned from the passenger ship. After his
first shock and disbelief at Apollo's recovery, he called Adama, Athena
and Boxey to life station. They arrived moments later accompanied by
Boomer, who was on the bridge when the good news about Apollo's sudden
change in condition reached the Commander.
	Dr. Salik completed his examination of the Captain and announced
him to be in surprisingly good condition. A little weak and quite
exhausted, but other than that he closed his examination with the
prognosis that Apollo was going to be released from life station within
the secton. He stood back after he admonished the Captain's visitors to
be brief and allow the young man to get some rest. From one corner of
life station Dr. Salik observed the scene before him and smiled to
himself. He had to act the strict physician, speak in the best interest
of his patient, but deep down inside he was more than happy to see all
these faces smile again. He couldn't recall ever having seen a more
touching scene than the one that was taking place before his eyes.
	Boxey crawled onto his father's lap and wrapped his little arms
around him, while Apollo was unconsciously stroking his hair, talking
to the happy faces surrounding him. Half a centar later Cassiopea
kindly asked everybody to leave and give Apollo the rest he needed.
Hesitatingly one by one they said their good-byes, gave the Captain an
affectionate hug and left life station. Starbuck was the last to still
remain. He slowly raised from the rim of the tube where he was sitting
all that time. He squeezed his friend's hand briefly before he turned
to leave as well, one of his famous grins on his face. 
	"Starbuck?"
	The blond man turned around to face his friend one more time,
raising his eyebrows questioning. Apollo's eyes were heavy. Only with
an obvious effort did he succeed in keeping them open. For a moment
Starbuck did not expect him to continue. When he did, his voice sounded
sluggish and exhausted. 
	"You don't need my permission to go up to the celestial dome. Next
time you feel like being alone for a while, be my guest."
	Abruptly, the green eyes fell shut before Apollo had a chance to
notice Starbuck's eyes widen in surprise. The Lieutenant stood in
silence staring into his friend's motionless face, thoughts racing. He
shrugged his shoulders and a faint smile appeared on his face before he
softly whispered, "Thanks, buddy. But I hope there won't be another
reason for me to look for solitude for a long, long time."
	A moment later the automatic door closed behind the blond man,
leaving the young Captain to himself. Nobody saw the smile that for a
split micron flashed over his face, before a peaceful sleep overcame
him at last. 
				--- The End ---