From: Wayne Killion and Wayne Coleman
Subject: Athena's Jounal
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1998


I have read many of the list postings on Athena.  I decided
to write something with a friend of mine (also named
Wayne)from her perspective.  I was going to post this on the
fan-fic list but since I have been here longer I thought
that I would run it by you all first.  Let me know how you
like it.

>From Athena's Journal

        I can't believe how difficult these past few weeks
have been. My mother, my brother, my people, my world, and
my civilization as I once knew it are gone.  So many times I
have just wanted to run away and escape, but to where? I can
think of no where to escape to.
        From the very centon on the bridge when I saw my
brother Zac's Viper disappear from the scanner, until now,
it all seems like one long bad dream viewed in fast forward.
At times it is difficult to control my emotions. I tried to
hold the tears back, but it was just not possible.  I know
that it was not good military protocol or conduct to
publicly display emotions, but I am only human and I loved
my brother.  I don't know if this was viewed as a sign of
weakness from the others on the bridge, but if it was, we
are all  guilty.  We watched wave after wave of Cylon
fighters enter into Caprica's lower atmosphere to strafe our
cities and our people, without mercy or remorse.    We all
shed tears regardless of rank and position.  By no means is
it a sign of weakness, but a sign of our humanity. Humanity,
that basic element of who we are and where we find our
strength.
        The survival of our people depends on our collective
efforts.  The search for food and fuel, and the danger of
the Cylons are of great concern to all, and we must each do
our job and keep a clear mind, even as difficult as it may
seem.
        As busy as we have been with basic survival, there
has been no time to sort any of this out.  Zac was born to
fly the stars, his first and greatest love.  This was his
first patrol and he was eager and proud to be going.
Although his death was senseless, he did not die in vain.
If they had not found the tankers and Cylon raiders, we
would all be dead now.  He held them off just long enough
for Apollo to make it back to the fleet.  We barely had any
warning.  It may have been senseless, but he did die as a
hero.  My people will always remember my brother, as will I.
I love you Zac.
        From time to time I look into my father's face, and
I can see that he is elsewhere.  I know that look, it's the
same one that he always viewed Mother in.  They were the
love, the light and the center of each other's universe.
They had been husband and wife for over thirty five yahrens,
until a few weeks ago.  When Father returned to the
Galactica without her, he didn't have to say a word, we
knew.  For Mother, Caprica was home.  It always had been, it
always will be.  She loved the outdoors her garden, and the
summer sun.  As children she told us there was life and
magic in the light of the summer sun.  She loved the warmth
of the light on her smooth olive skin.  She hated the winter
and the cold, and the shortened days.
        In some ways I think she is better off not seeing
what the Cylons did to Caprica.  The smoke, dust and debris
have clouded the planets atmosphere, and the entire
ecosystem has been destroyed.  It will be decades before a
clear sky and the light of the summer sun would fill Caprica
with life and magic again.  That would hurt her terribly.
        Possibly part of all of this could have been avoided
if not all.  The Council bought the lies of peace and
diplomacy with a price they had not expected.  They did not
only pay with their own lives, but with countless others
throughout the colonies.  My father tried to warn the
President time and time again, and he just would not listen.
That less than human pile of daggit dung, Baltar stood right
next to the president and convinced him to hand it all over,
all in the name of peace.  The council and the president
both knew the nature and character of who they were dealing
with, and chose to ignore those truths.  The Cylons would
either exterminate us, or make us slaves.  We will be
neither.
        As much as all of this bothers me, the real pain
comes when I look into my Father's face and see the toll it
has taken on him. He has always been the pillar in our
family.  We could always look to him for strength.  I
remember as a child sitting in his lap, and no words would
be spoken.  He would look at me with those eyes, always
filled with wisdom and love.  Forever and always being a
"Daddy's Girl", my father and I share a special and unique
bond.  We don't have to say a word, we can just a look at
each other, and know what the other is thinking.
        Now as I look at my father I see a heaviness that I
have never seen before.  One that comes from deep within his
heart.  Although he may be able to mask it from others, he
cannot hide himself from me.  He could never hide anything
from Mother either.  He's always said my ability to read
through  him was a gift from my mother.  I know he is tired,
and he knows I know.  After the family dinner was over in
his quarters the other night, I lingered behind.  Apollo was
on schedule for patrol,  I only wanted to spend sometime
with my father.  When Apollo left Father and I just looked
at each other, and we both knew what was going on, exactly
as it had always been between us.  He knew I was concerned
about him.  It had been a very long time, but as I crossed
the room to him, he held his arms out and I hugged him and
told him how much I loved him.  He said that it had been too
long, and that was the best gift  anyone could have given
him.
        That night our relationship changed.  I know now
more than ever how much he respects me, and he knows how
much I respect him.  Another bond grew between Father and I
that night, and it only brought us closer.  I will forever
and always be "Daddy's Girl".
        The newly elected Council has not made his life easy
these last few weeks.  I know that he has heard the rumors
that Sire Uri has been spreading.  Uri tells anyone that is
willing to listen how my father got us into this mess.  Uri
could have been very easily cut from the same the pile as
Baltar, possibly the other end.
        I wish I understood why Father continues to defend
him.  Personally, I'd like space his ass.  If Uri only knew
how hard it was for Father to make the decision to flee the
colonies.  Father knew what we were leaving behind, and
beginning again would not be easy. The constant search for
food, fuel the dangers of extended space flight, the
elements.  Threats from alien worlds and species, and of
course the Cylons, who will try to hunt us down.  There were
no other options or choices.  We will survive.
        I realize the miracle the fates have granted me,
that I still have life.  More than ever, I will recognize
and appreciate this gift in a way of sharing and living it.
There will be good times and sad times, laughter and tears,
but I thank God that I have endured.  I will go on and
become stronger, because very simply, I AM MY FATHER'S
DAUGHTER.

                                        Athena.

Lonnie Wayne Killion
E-Mail    killionw@fmmc.army.mil